amiss I'm having a really hard time, this is my story

[amiss]

What could that book provide me? I read some reviews and long story short, psych's put people on drugs and the drugs **** them up long term. It's an epidemic. Yes I know. I see. I don't care about those other people, I'm sorry I just want to be myself. I don't want to hear about how badly they ruined other people's lives, because constantly reminding me that I'm not alone DOESNT BRING MY EMOTIONS BACK. THATS ALL I ******* CARE ABOUT. ID LIKE TO BE EXCITED FOR COLLEGE OR AT LEAST DEPRESSED OR WHATEVER. 

 

I'm so ******* frustrated. I laughed today and didn't feel it. What the **** else is new. Tomorrow I'm going to call my doctor and set up an appointment to check thyroid and hormone levels, I feel like an answer lies there. My period has been too light, I'm not sure if that's how its been for the past two years or what, but maybe thats also a hormone thing. Maybe its a stress thing. I can't tell if I'm stressed. I can't tell anything. 

 

I wish I could feel something so I could have a reaction. I wish I could have a wave or a window. If and only if all fails someday I'm gonna take a shitton of ayahuasca and maybe that will make me so crazy that I just won't care anymore.

 

EDIT: I've been reading about adrenal problems and it seems verrryyyy on point with me. I did the pupil test thing and my pupils fluctuate like mad. I have had very bad light sensitivity ever since I had a panic attack on weed when I was 14, but I attributed it to mild HPPD or something. I literally cannot handle car lights at night, just walking around when it is sunny out, and I cannot look at sunsets! I thought I was just a ***** with all this but maybe its actually an adrenal thing. I have had a consistently low body temperature for idk how long, but years. Like usually an average of 97.3, but now I'm reading that you're supposed to take it when you wake up before you get out of bed?! Well I'll see what it is then. Can you tell I really hope that I have hypothyroidism?

[theelt712]

I had my thyroid checked months ago, pre med, and it came back nornal. I am waiting for new chromosone tests to come back, and I was almost put on birth control to level out hormone levels. Are you looking into supplements?

[amiss]

Chromosome tests? What's that for? Are your hormones out of whack?

 

I'm still mulling over Licorice Root. Right now I'm just taking fish oil. So I took my temperature this morning, although I accidentally ate breakfast first. 97.6. Typical for me, but maybe it's supposed to be higher?

 

I'm reading now that the typical TSH thyroid test is inaccurate, as some people with hypothyroidism can have normal results. Ok, so somehow I gotta tell my doctor to make sure its accurate. She hates me already anyway. 

 

"A combination of the serum levels of TSH, free T3, free T4, reverse T3, anti-TPO antibody, antithyroglobulin antibody and SHBG should be used in combination of with clinical assessment and measurement of reflex speed and basal metabolic rate to most accurately determine the overall thyroid status in a patient. Forgoing treatment based on a normal TSH without further assessment will result in the misdiagnosis of mismanagement of a large number of hypothyroid patients that may greatly benefit with treatment."

[theelt712]

IF you decide to go on licorice root, make sure you eat foods high in potassium. Yes, my hormones are completely out of whack, even more so now. I didn't have a period for almost 2 years, and I got test after test done and it all said I was fine, I just had bad stress. I hope Licorice Root helps you, and if you do take it, take one 450mg pill in the morning. You might have to ride out the bad anxiety in the beginning, as one user points out. Also, take your blood pressure often on licorice root, make sure it's normal.

 

My temp is typically low too. Either 97.5 or 98.1.

[amiss]

**** **** **** I just called to try to schedule an appointment and the receptionist was kind of rude and I have to call again on the ******* 22nd and I can't wait that long I just want help NOW i don't know if i should call a different hospital I don't know who's going to take my health insurance I don't know how anything works.

 

She asked me if I was sick or if I just wanted to discuss my thyroid... and I thinking... both?! I shouldve ******* said sick I'm sick I'm vomiting everywhere just test my T3's or whatever tell me my cortisol is too low I need some answers.

 

EDIT: Wow I just called the actual, big hospital and they were the sweetest people. I have to check with my insurance company now though, to see if they cover endocrinology. 

[theelt712]

If your cortisol is low, licorice root is great at raising it.

[areyouthere]

Amiss... I'm 57. I was anorexic at your age ... no one even knew , really, about it then!.... for about the same amount of time & at about the SAME time in my life ...17-18 yrs. old & just BEFORE leaving home to attend college.

 

I'm guessing here... no Dad in the pict.? I guess that 'cause you have only mentioned Mom. A divorce? And Mom is sensitive , you love her madly and you are very sensitive yourself right? And raised in a middle class - type situation. College educated people around you and you are in a zone of "above average" in intelligence. Do I have that all right? I bet I do.

 

Anyway. I just want to tell you to settle down. You seem to be operating or have operated / functioned in an "ok" way lately. Right? Even though you have been stuffing your feelings and reduced meds significantly?

 

Here is what I wish I had done...I mean REALLY REALLY WISHED!!!! I know that I needed professional help from a therapist. A psychologist. NOT a psychiatrist. I would like to suggest that you put all of your mental energy and angst NOT into investigating your thyroid but finding a well- recommended talk therapist. You may REALLY REALLY REALLY not want to hear this for whatever reason ( let's hear them. I'd like to debate it) but I'm telling you, amiss, YOU need to talk to a professional about how you are feeling right now about EVERYHTNING... but especially about your Mother, how to handle her, and how you are feeling about going away to school.

 

One more thing.. Let me guess. You are a fighter. Strong. You take pride in that. And you're smart. You take pride in that too. You have managed to contradict nearly every suggestion given to you on this thread and gone in the direction you wanted to go in the first place. 

 

STOP! You can get into a talk therapist likely within a couple of weeks... ask to get on a waiting list so with the first cancelation you can get in earlier. It doesn't have to be the "perfect" therapist ( there aren't any.. ) but you need to TALK to someone FACE TO FACE . You need someone to look you in the eye when you explain how you are feeling. 

 

amiss. I speak from experience. My path was much different from yours.. I made it. But I so wish I had gotten the help I needed when this all started simply by being able to talk to someone neutral. 

 

Done.   RU

[amiss]

Amiss... I'm 57. I was anorexic at your age ... no one even knew , really, about it then!.... for about the same amount of time & at about the SAME time in my life ...17-18 yrs. old & just BEFORE leaving home to attend college.

 

I'm guessing here... no Dad in the pict.? I guess that 'cause you have only mentioned Mom. A divorce? And Mom is sensitive , you love her madly and you are very sensitive yourself right? And raised in a middle class - type situation. College educated people around you and you are in a zone of "above average" in intelligence. Do I have that all right? I bet I do.

 

Anyway. I just want to tell you to settle down. You seem to be operating or have operated / functioned in an "ok" way lately. Right? Even though you have been stuffing your feelings and reduced meds significantly?

 

Here is what I wish I had done...I mean REALLY REALLY WISHED!!!! I know that I needed professional help from a therapist. A psychologist. NOT a psychiatrist. I would like to suggest that you put all of your mental energy and angst NOT into investigating your thyroid but finding a well- recommended talk therapist. You may REALLY REALLY REALLY not want to hear this for whatever reason ( let's hear them. I'd like to debate it) but I'm telling you, amiss, YOU need to talk to a professional about how you are feeling right now about EVERYHTNING... but especially about your Mother, how to handle her, and how you are feeling about going away to school.

 

One more thing.. Let me guess. You are a fighter. Strong. You take pride in that. And you're smart. You take pride in that too. You have managed to contradict nearly every suggestion given to you on this thread and gone in the direction you wanted to go in the first place. 

 

STOP! You can get into a talk therapist likely within a couple of weeks... ask to get on a waiting list so with the first cancelation you can get in earlier. It doesn't have to be the "perfect" therapist ( there aren't any.. ) but you need to TALK to someone FACE TO FACE . You need someone to look you in the eye when you explain how you are feeling. 

 

amiss. I speak from experience. My path was much different from yours.. I made it. But I so wish I had gotten the help I needed when this all started simply by being able to talk to someone neutral. 

 

Done.   RU

Hahaha, you've got me all figured out. I know I'm stubborn as hell, that's partly what got me into this situation in the first place. 

 

But I had a wonderful therapist, for a long time. Before I got on Celexa so like 2010, and then I went back to her in 2012-13  because I couldn't deal with the emotional blunting. She was inexpensive and made me feel better with my anxiety issues, but towards the end she started to feel more like a friend and I couldn't tell her the hard facts. Some of them weren't even apparent to me. Now the fact that I don't listen to music is rubbed in my face and the fact that my mood is flat all day everyday is making me lose sleep at night. I'd say I've been operating in an okay way my whole life. Really this 'withdrawal' just made me Super Okay. No one is more Okay than I, because nothing gets to me. Not music, friends, boys, nothing. 

 

I want another therapist really really bad and I will get one in college, and I will be completely honest and not pretend like everything's fine. I'm just in a tough spot right now since I'm leaving in exactly 3 weeks to Oregon. I need to talk to someone NOW and I don't have any options.

 

 

I called like literally 10 different offices, insurances, clinics, and it all came back to having to wait until the 22nd. Apparently I can't just call an endocrinologist and book an appointment. I have to be diagnosed and referred first. Like, ok, I get it, but would it kill you to run one test? At least I learned something: Primary doctor is literally primary. 

[theelt712]

We were talking about this matter yesterday in Poetry Camp, actually, our camp leader actually said that there's mental health clinics/counselors for every college. That's hopeful.

[areyouthere]

Sounds good amiss. I guess this forum will be and is a good place for you to express yourself until you get to school. And you are already looking ahead to your options there! Why doesn't that surprise me. Good for you.

 

What do you think you will major in? 

 

RU 

[amiss]

Yeah, all colleges have them but I don't think theyre there for a long term basis, more like to help with quick nervous breakdowns before finals or something. I'll be referred to a different place, hopefull it'll be as affordable as I had here. 

 

I'm undecided now, but leaning towards English, Foreign Language, or something like Political Science. Maybe law school eventually. 

 

I'm not sure if going so far away is a good idea anymore. Even normal people often can't handle it. I really don't know what made me chose that. But I guess I was pseudo-excited about it at one point so off I go. It's a good place I just wish I had some kind of actual feeling about it, positive or negative.

[areyouthere]

Yeah, all colleges have them but I don't think theyre there for a long term basis, more like to help with quick nervous breakdowns before finals or something. 

 

Ha ha! This made me giggle.

Have you visited the campus? We have three daughters, amiss, who all went through college. There were up and downs for all three but for each they knew the minute they stepped foot on campus that they had chosen the right college. Maybe we were lucky that way but I have heard from other parents that their kid just  " knew" when they found the right one.

 

So likely your initial gut feeling was spot on!!

 

And good for you to look for a longer - term psychologist. I jumped around from one to the other for years and always found that whether I liked them or not I was helped by the experience of seeing them. I think talk therapy is great.

 

RU 

[amiss]

 

Yeah, all colleges have them but I don't think theyre there for a long term basis, more like to help with quick nervous breakdowns before finals or something. 

 

Ha ha! This made me giggle.

Have you visited the campus? We have three daughters, amiss, who all went through college. There were up and downs for all three but for each they knew the minute they stepped foot on campus that they had chosen the right college. Maybe we were lucky that way but I have heard from other parents that their kid just  " knew" when they found the right one.

 

So likely your initial gut feeling was spot on!!

 

And good for you to look for a longer - term psychologist. I jumped around from one to the other for years and always found that whether I liked them or not I was helped by the experience of seeing them. I think talk therapy is great.

 

RU 

 

Yeah I have visited it. It's a very beautiful campus, a lot of sequoias around. I felt like it was right. Maybe just because it was the prettiest one. But I have all my classes set for this semester and yeah, I mean it doesn't feel wrong. I wish I could say I'm incredibly excited like everyone else. Talk therapy is good.

[areyouthere]

[amiss]

**** I don't feel good at all. I wish I could just get an appointment to check my thyroid, and if that is ruled out then I can move on to another plan. Someone recommended I take piracetam for a few months, which is actually a good idea, because it can't really hurt. 

 

It's so upsetting. I wish I was normal. I know that kind of thinking isn't going to get me anywhere but I just need to talk to a therapist right now and I have to wait a month for everything. I can't focus on anything, my mind diverts back to this so frequently. The anxiety over it kills my appetite, I just forced myself to eat. I wish I had an answer but I don't want it to be that I am like this permanently. But thats how it feels. Please explain to me how its not permanent if I haven't felt any difference for 2+ years? 

 

I know it could be worse. I could have another disease or a baby to raise or have physical withdrawal symptoms but it's just so sh*tty I have lived my whole life trying to be happy and healthy and good to others and this happened. 

[amiss]

Well I'm listening to music now. Again I'm not sure if it's because I think I'm supposed to, but on my run this morning I brought my ipod because I've found that helps now. Back in pre-med years I couldn't stand listening to music while running. Music was a holy thing to me, something I listened to while relaxing on the computer, or lying down and respecting it... had to have headphones in, definitely no music playing loud while i cleaned, that always used to piss me off. Now for some reason I can deal with it. I don't know. Usually now music just pisses me off. It doesn't seem to have much use. I remember how it used to be, where I couldn't explain why I liked it so much. Now I can't understand what the point of listening is. But I'm keeping it playing. 

 

I rearranged my room today, because the arrangement was starting to make me feel sick. . 

I prefer this arrangement now. I put up a painting of poppies that I painted while on Buspar. It keeps falling down. Damn paint. I think I'll bring it with me to college. 

 

I came back on the computer, upset after typing out the above and put on music for some reason, and a Vampire Weekend song came up and it clashed with the upsetedness, who can produce tears while listening to Ezra Koenig yipping about. I switched it to Nirvana, Heart-Shaped Box was a very sacred song that I couldn't listen to unless I was extremely depressed, when I was younger. So I played that and it seemed to go well. I had a split second of relating to his voice, Kurt Cobain was a tortured soul. Again I could be forcing all of this. I forced myself to listen to music last year and mildly enjoyed it. I wonder if this is just the same mild enjoyment. F ucking sigh. 

[Rhiannon]

Amiss... I'm 57. I was anorexic at your age ... no one even knew , really, about it then!.... for about the same amount of time & at about the SAME time in my life ...17-18 yrs. old & just BEFORE leaving home to attend college.

 

I'm guessing here... no Dad in the pict.? I guess that 'cause you have only mentioned Mom. A divorce? And Mom is sensitive , you love her madly and you are very sensitive yourself right? And raised in a middle class - type situation. College educated people around you and you are in a zone of "above average" in intelligence. Do I have that all right? I bet I do.

 

Anyway. I just want to tell you to settle down. You seem to be operating or have operated / functioned in an "ok" way lately. Right? Even though you have been stuffing your feelings and reduced meds significantly?

 

Here is what I wish I had done...I mean REALLY REALLY WISHED!!!! I know that I needed professional help from a therapist. A psychologist. NOT a psychiatrist. I would like to suggest that you put all of your mental energy and angst NOT into investigating your thyroid but finding a well- recommended talk therapist. You may REALLY REALLY REALLY not want to hear this for whatever reason ( let's hear them. I'd like to debate it) but I'm telling you, amiss, YOU need to talk to a professional about how you are feeling right now about EVERYHTNING... but especially about your Mother, how to handle her, and how you are feeling about going away to school.

 

One more thing.. Let me guess. You are a fighter. Strong. You take pride in that. And you're smart. You take pride in that too. You have managed to contradict nearly every suggestion given to you on this thread and gone in the direction you wanted to go in the first place. 

 

STOP! You can get into a talk therapist likely within a couple of weeks... ask to get on a waiting list so with the first cancelation you can get in earlier. It doesn't have to be the "perfect" therapist ( there aren't any.. ) but you need to TALK to someone FACE TO FACE . You need someone to look you in the eye when you explain how you are feeling. 

 

amiss. I speak from experience. My path was much different from yours.. I made it. But I so wish I had gotten the help I needed when this all started simply by being able to talk to someone neutral. 

 

Done.   RU

 

Dang RU, I wish this was reddit so I could upvote this!

[amiss]

I had some weird dreams last night. I went into a grocery/department store and there were guns and huge coats made of cowhide. And people from my high school. The night before I dreamed I was in something like The Breakfast Club and had an abusive boyfriend and was from some South American country and lived in a city. I really don't know. D:

 

My weight has stabilized now, I don't have to count calories to keep it low, I just eat what I want. I drew some things yesterday and felt sorry for myself. I need a hug from my mom. 

 

I don't wanna go so far away to college. I'm gonna miss my mom and worse, she'll miss me.

 

This morning I woke up at 6:30 am I don't know why, I had twitches in my left hand and left leg wtf. And some in my right now. Is this anxiety? I never had it before.

F uck this seriously. 

[areyouthere]

Dang RU, I wish this was reddit so I could upvote this!

 

 

 

Thank you Rhi. Comng from you I take that as quite a compliment!

 

It has become pretty apparent to me that many who frequent this forum a) initially had childhood familial challenges and are quite sensitive , bright and articulate.

 

It does make me wonder, though, about the more disadvantaged folks in the general population who don't have the wherewithal to participate on a forum such as this and who are experiencing similar difficulties. Who do THEY turn to? My guess is the health system funnels them into a merry go round of profiteering health professionals ( at no fault of their own) who become equally as frustrated as their patients because of the lack of information out there. Kind of sad really.

 

RU

[amiss]

That makes sense as the smart, sensitive people with dysfunctional family life make up the biggest demographic of SSRI users. I'm glad I found this place, although I'm kind of bewildered with myself that it took me two years to join. I wonder if anything would be different had I actually taken the time to digest the concept of withdrawal, and what I should do to help myself earlier. 

 

Ugh I found a thread on PP about a recall of Celexa and Finasteride in 2011 because the labels may have been switched. A surge of anxiety shot threw me as I went to try and find my old bottle of Celexa to check the number, but I probably threw it out long ago. Even if I had taken Finasteride by accident the symptoms are basically the same. But I do THINK I remember my pills looking different, either shape or something, once after I picked up a new prescription. I just googled it and apparently its common with generics but holy **** if I had accidentally been given finasteride I'd seriously **** my pants right now. 

 

I feel bad thinking about it.

[amiss]

Well my mood was pretty good last night, I was listening to music and got some surveys done for my college. I like the sound of piano, thats the music I can tolerate best, so a lot of radiohead. 

But this morning I feel the... morning feeling. Just a shallow stream of tears, wondering if I'm feeling depressed, or something, anything. Just seeing what I type despairs me more. My whole life I turned away from things that were negative. When my dad drank everyday, and fought with my mom I'd just shut the door and listen to music in my room. I didn't cry. I just sat there, confused. A 10 year old girl, I wasn't sure if that was normal life, I had no one to ask about it. When they divorced when I was 13, I didn't cry. By that time I desperately wanted my dad to be dead. Yeah I love him but the stress he put on us was so unhealthy. Back then I could identify that I was stressed. I remember the moment when my mom came downstairs and sat on the couch beside me, and asked if I wanted to talk about it, and I was unresponsive. I avoided it, I guess I was too scared to react. My bedroom was downstairs and had a humidity problem because we lived on a lake and one summer I developed bronchitis which turned into asthma that I still have now.

 

The asthma is unresponsive to long-term meds, I have tried many and they gave me psychiatric problems. I became essentially manic depressive on Singulair and another gave me panic attacks. I literally take my rescue inhaler every 4 hours of my life, and have since that summer that my parents divorced. My doctor says its unhealthy but I have researched it a bit and it doesnt look like a big deal, I have healthy lungs otherwise. Point is, I'm fairly certain the allergies and asthma I mysteriously developed around the divorce is psychological. But it hasn't let up in 5 years. Could this be related to thyroid as well?

 

I took my temperature this morning twice, twice it was 97.5. I can't remember taking my temperature before two years ago. When I was underweight it was occasionally 96.5. I'm slightly above my original weight now, so its not linked to weight. I felt like I had binge eating disorder after coming off of Celexa, another factor that makes me think thyroid. 

 

I was always anxious, as early as I can remember. I became very depressed at 12. It was a deep, comforting depression. Music enhanced the feeling. I never thought of trying therapy and especially not meds then. I was a ******* idiot for smoking weed and trying any pill when I was 14. At the time I felt like I was so old, I felt an immense pressure because people had started smoking weed in middle school... how embarassing was it for me to have not? F ucking sick mentality there, but thats how my stupid teenage brain thought. I did hope that it would make me feel better, but after September 18th 2009 I was basically permanently altered. I didn't even notice at the time, but my anxiety level spiked so high I couldn't sit still in classes, I just felt a free-floating panic constantly. And then randomly DP hit me, and oh how I thought nothing could be worse. Honestly maybe that is the worst thing ever, but I'd trade for it now. Even though that's also no way to live.

 

I just hope there's a way back. 

[theelt712]

I feel the exact same way right now. I'll basically try anything.

[amiss]

I'm sorry thiS HAPPENED TO US F UCKING S HIT GOD F UCK

 

anyways I have stopped twitching. no muscle spasms, but that may be because I didnt do any heavy exercise yesterday. i gotta go for a run soon. 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Use this please: ****.

 

Thank you.

[amiss]

Celexa censored my emotions

 

and now this site is censoring my despair.

 

Here's your godd amn asterisks ******************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

how many swears does that cover?

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Mods,

 

Please delete my comment. It added nothing helpful to the conversation.

 

Unfollow.

[Rhiannon]

Mods,

 

Please delete my comment. It added nothing helpful to the conversation.

 

Unfollow.

CW, I don't think your comment was problematic. I'm pretty sure this site has software built in to asterisk out language that some people find offensive. I toss the F bomb around pretty casually in my personal life, but not everyone is comfortable with that, and I don't expect them to be.  I'll be checking to see if the forum has a position on the subject.

[Jemima]

I'm sorry thiS HAPPENED TO US F UCKING S HIT GOD F UCK

 

anyways I have stopped twitching. no muscle spasms, but that may be because I didnt do any heavy exercise yesterday. i gotta go for a run soon. 

 

That's enough.  If you don't like the way this forum censors foul language, there are others you can try.

[Jemima]

Celexa censored my emotions

 

and now this site is censoring my despair.

 

Here's your godd amn asterisks ******************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

how many swears does that cover?

 

If you continue with these hostile posts, you will start accumulating warnings.  Four warnings, and you're permanently terminated from the forum.  I think you're smart enough to keep a lid on your hostility and not splatter it all over us.  We're the good guys, remember?

[Jemima]

Mods,

 

Please delete my comment. It added nothing helpful to the conversation.

 

Unfollow.

 

Your post was perfectly appropriate, AND helpful.

[amiss]

 

Celexa censored my emotions

 

and now this site is censoring my despair.

 

Here's your godd amn asterisks ******************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

how many swears does that cover?

 

If you continue with these hostile posts, you will start accumulating warnings.  Four warnings, and you're permanently terminated from the forum.  I think you're smart enough to keep a lid on your hostility and not splatter it all over us.  We're the good guys, remember?

 

 

I don't know how to react to this. I don't mean to be hostile to anyone, I'm just expressing extreme frustration.

[GiaK]

amiss,

I'd like to suggest that it's possible to express despair...GREAT despair without using language that others might find offensive.

 

we make these sorts of accommodations in communities in agreement...

 

philosophers throughout all of literary history have been able to express great despair with out obscenities...and like Rhi, I use such language freely in my private life but I generally don't use it a whole lot in public spaces. 

 

we do understand your frustration and your despair both...there is no one moderating here who has not also suffered greatly.

 

hang on...and just check your language...it's okay. 

[amiss]

Ok, I'm sorry, I won't uncensor myself. 

[amiss]

I just came back from a 1.5 mile walk. I walked half a mile with my mom earlier, and ran half a mile, so 2.5 miles of exercise today. I felt number than usual, outside. Food doesn't excite me or taste very good. This is new to me because when I was underweight and starving, food was the best thing ever. I absoltely loved goinf grocery shopping, it pleased me. Being in a mode of constant starvation gave me something to live for... food. Actually now I recall something extremely freaky and jolting... my libido rose when I thought about eating... like I was sexually attracted to food. At that time I also thought I might be bi... because I got off thinking about girls... wtf... however that may mean that I did experience some slight improvement even while underweight. I was running at least 3 miles a day, my junior year, from January 2012 to I think maybe June 2012. I've been running regularly, lately, and I'm gonna try to keep it up for... ever! Because exercise often helps people... Ok so no more weed, it never really did anything for me... and limited alcohol.

 

I walked to Rite Aid and didn't see licorice root so... I gotta get that online. When? Idk. 

[amiss]

Thinking about adding l-arginine and acetyl l-carnitine and a multivitamin. I read the ingredients to "hair skin and nails" which is something I used to occasionally take when I was younger, and I remember it made me feel simply "better". I also had a raging libido when I ran track my freshman year, hehehe. TMI but I got a lot of masturbating in when I could D: Since very young... like 5 years old?! Yeah I don't understand those people who don't have an orgasm until theyre like 20. 

 

I can't get enough music into my head.  

 

Ok these last two posts of mine contain very strange material. But I'm human, I promise. O:

[Altostrata]

When you add supplements, add a very small amount of one at a time to see how it affects you.