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Totenkopf: Loxalate 10mg and Risperdal 2mg, cold turkey


totenkopf

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Hello, Thank you for reading my introduction.

 

I am desperate for the truth. 28 May 2013, I was prescribed Loxalate 10 mg and Risperdal 1 mg by a Senior Consultant Psychiatrist.I did not commence the administration of the medications with immediacy.An entire week or two weeks had passed until the initial tablets were administered.Loxalate 10 mg was administered every morning, and Risperdal 1 mg was administered every night.Anxiety symptoms were advancing while I was administering the Loxalate 10 mg and Risperdal 1 mg daily.

I returned to the Senior Consultant Psychiatrist who increased the dose of the Risperdal 1 mg to 2 mg daily.0.5 mg Risperdal accompanied by the Loxalate 10 mg in the morning, 0.5 mg Risperdal administered at midday, and 1 mg Risperdal administered every night.I had approached several medical professionals with the side effects that I was experiencing and I was reassured that the side effects would all cease soon, the body and brain requiring a minimum of six months to adjust to the medication.Disappointingly, one of these medical professionals was a former friend of mine, a Registered Nurse, working in Psychiatry, someone who I thought I could trust wholeheartedly. I was opposed to prolonging the medication, though I thought that following the opinions of several medical professionals responding unanimously would be sensible, so I did.Two to three weeks prior to 1 October 2013, I decided to cold turkey. The medications were not beneficial for me, and I was literally, sick and tired of the sufferance.I had struggled with the side effects for too long. I should have never been prescribed these medications as I felt that they were unnecessary for me.I was coerced in to seeing a Senior Consultant Psychiatrist, when I was neither a personal or societal menace. At the time, I was an Australian resident, claiming a Disability Support Pension for my psychiatric impairments, and unfortunately, the Australian Government has the last word on the health of Australian citizens who are disabled and living in moderate poverty. I could represent myself very well, though the predicament that I was in was of no relevance to anyone. I had been travelling between Australia and Austria as of 2011, when I fell in love with my long term partner who I met while in Australia. Social Security cancels pensions after six weeks of being overseas and having a Disability Support Pension as my sole financial support, I had to continue to travel between the two countries, despite our patience in waiting for assistance as of 2011. 2013 and Social Security in Australia assists us after giving us the runaround for two years.An agreement exists between Australia and Austria.If pensioners on a Disability Support Pension meet the medical requirements, they are indefinitely payable overseas.As per the request of Social Security, I met with a Senior Consultant Psychiatrist, despite feeling as though they were unnecessary for me to see as I was compos mentis. Whatever, it may increase the likelihood of my Disability Support Pension being passed, and it was only several documents that needed signing with my anamnesis, or so I thought.If I did not consent to daily medication and pursue seeing this Senior Consultant Psychiatrist, my documentation would not be filled.I felt that I had little to no options than to comply. 

Financial support is of no worth to us now, we are instead left to contemplate if I will ever recover to be the person that I was, be it swiftly or not so. No one knows what it is that I am experiencing, emotionally or neurologically, for they cannot relate to this bizarre and frightening experience. I know that I will never experience anything like it again in my lifetime, this is a real witch that I would never curse anyone with.It is agreed that I am no longer myself, so that is why I have sought my refuge here.I do however, need to make sense of what has happened to me.Chemical lobotomisation is the most accurate description I can provide, and the recounts of persons and research statistics that I find myself mousing over seem much less like deluded untruths. I am a realist, I know that the medication has damaged me, so I refuse to submit to medical professionals trying to blame it on a foreign illness, my Vegan diet, or to coerce myself in to believing that what I am experiencing are merely figments of my imagination.I do not thrive on false hope, though it may be all that I have.It seems so impossible that I could ever be the same person with the same life, after such trauma to the nervous system.How likely are the possibilities?All of these side effects manifested while I was administering the medications.Major side effects, presentAnhedonic symptomsI am experiencing a TOTAL absence of all emotions, negative and positive, the TOTAL inability to derive feelings or physiological responses from any stimulation, not a blunted, diminished, or numbed sense of these. I am DEAD. This is the most severe side effect and the side effect that is the most worrisome. Subconsciously, I am aware of what I would normally perceive as excitable, pleasurable, or stimulative. There are no emotional or physiological manifestations. I AM NOT DEPRESSED.Feelings of detachmentThe inability to connect emotionally with animals, my partner, music is HIGHLY ATYPICAL as these are all things that I should still be OBSESSED with, music has become repetitive sounds, I am also experiencing the inability to connect emotionally with environments, objects, people, I cannot connect emotionally with anything. Loss of personality. Also a loss of creativity and diminished intelligence.Sedated feelingHIGHLY ATYPICAL for me, prior to medication I was ACTIVE and would feel INTENSELY all of the time, particularly agitation or excitability. I am apathetic and have low motivation.Post-SSRI Sexual DysfunctionSelf diagnosed. TOTAL absence of libido, orgasm, stimulation. Mild Amnesia symptoms I experience difficulty remembering my life and self prior to the administration of medications.Toxic Encephalopathy?Depressed consciousness, loss of cognitive function, low energy (fatigue, lethargy, malaise), inability to concentrate, personality changes.All of these side effects manifested after the cold turkey and have ceased.Physiological side effects, ceasedAbdominal Discomfort AnxietyBruxism, Dental PainConstipation, DiarrheaExcessive, Increased SweatingInsomnia

MigrainesNausea

 

 

Side effects, administrationReference major side effects, present

Made me a TOTALLY different person.

I was a ZOMBIE. I only remember sleeping and watching TV.

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  • Administrator

Welcome, totenkopf.

 

I am sorry you have been through so much.

 

Cold turkey of those two drugs is very stressful on the nervous system. It sounds like you had acute withdrawal symptoms (anxiety, insomnia, etc.)  that, fortunately, resolved within a few weeks. This is a good sign.

 

The symptoms you have now are frequent post-withdrawal symptoms. The good news is they will gradually go away. The bad new is it may take some months or years.

 

In the meantime, you may wish to look at our Symptoms and Self-care forum for ideas on how to cope with your current symptoms.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Kindest thanks, Altostrata.I am truly sorry for what you have endured, too.May strength be with you, always.Please know that I will always be sending you my best.I pray that all of us in pain find healing and peace.No one deserves to experience this, we are one.I cannot thank you enough for opening your heart to share your knowledge with me.It is not only appreciated, is an inexplicable relief that someone understands what I am experiencing. 

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  • Administrator

Thank you, totenkopf.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The reality of my situation is that I have been chemically lobotomised, the psychiatric medications that I was administering have damaged me irreversibly, and I will never be the same person with the same life.
 
Several research statistics have proven that this is what psychiatric medications do, they chemically lobotomise the brain and the nervous system intentionally and irreversibly. I am highly sceptical of the possibility of neuroplasticity with my symptomatology.
 
If I contributed the effort, perhaps I could coerce myself in to believing delusions or false hope, that this is not the truth, though I am a realist and I refuse to submit to unreality.
 
How could anyone suggest that it is not possible that my brain and nervous system are not damaged when there is too much to prove this?

My symptomatology is severely worrisome, and there have been no changes or improvement. No waves, no windows, no nothing. 
 
There is no ME. I am DEAD. I am a TOTALLY different person. Prior to the administration of the psychiatric medications, I had a confident and very well defined personality, now, it is TOTALLY lost. I cannot stress that I am a TOTALLY different person enough.
 
Below, I have listed my post-withdrawal symptoms that are always persistent.
 
I am experiencing mild Amnesia symptoms, I CANNOT remember my life and self prior to the administration of the psychiatric medications.
It is as though a part, or several parts, of my brain have TOTALLY ERASED my experiences in life prior to the administration of, and while the psychiatric medications were administered.
I am also experiencing difficulty in remembering, or sometimes, CANNOT remember what has occurred recently, in the past hours without prompting. 
If prompted, I do experience a couple of seconds of what has occurred previously. This is vague, not prolonged or sustainable.
I cannot navigate environments, objects, or situations that I am familiar with. I experience confusion as to what I am doing, disorientation as to where I am travelling, and loss of memory, with no panic and no possible stressors, a clouding of consciousness and just, wandering. It is necessary that I fix my full concentration to what I am doing or to where I am travelling, where only the subconscious is typically required, such as in a familiar and local neighbourhood.
Prior to the administration of the psychiatric medications, I had a photographic memory, now I have NO MEMORY.
I have the inability to think, I cannot appropriately construct sentences that are coherent, they are rather superfluous, my brain does not relay messages. I was a child genius, several case studies and IQ tests were performed on me, I was a gifted and talented student, very highly intelligent and inquisitive, a quick thinker, with a good number of interests that I would OBSESSIVELY study. I was coordinated and skilful. I am experiencing diminished intelligence, a loss of cognitive function and loss of creativity, the inability to concentrate, and I have progressed to become apathetic with low energy and low motivation.
Music was one of my OBSESSIONS as I was a respected and semi-professional musician, performer, and singer, now it is just repetitive sounds that I have the TOTAL inability to connect with emotionally, a foreign language to me, and I AM NOT DEPRESSED. I live in a home of exceptionally talented musicians where music plays at all hours, day and night, though I do everything possible to no longer associate with anything musically relative and block out the sounds. I have quit attending concerts weekly, quit listening to music for this reason, and involving myself with anything musically related, because it TOTALLY DEVASTATES me subconsciously to have the TOTAL inability to connect with it emotionally now, this is why I appropriated the word subconsciously, because I have the TOTAL inability to FEEL ANYTHING. It distresses me IMMENSELY when I contemplate never FEELING, LOVING, and OBSESSING over music with the same INTENSITY that I had prior to the administration of the psychiatric medications because I do not FEEL, LOVE, or OBSESS over music at all now, without music I am nothing, my life is nothing. There is nothing that I yearn for more than to regain my emotions and feelings. 
Two more OBSESSIONS were animals and my partner. I have the TOTAL inability to connect with either of them, I feel IMMENSE guilt for not providing them with the love that they deserve, because I had SO MUCH love to give prior to the administration of the psychiatric medications and now I may as well be heartless because I cannot FEEL any sensations of love and doubt its existence in me, it CANNOT be initiated. I do know subconsciously that I do love animals and my partner, 
subconsciously, I am aware of what I would normally perceive as excitable, pleasurable, or stimulative. I am experiencing a TOTAL absence of libido, orgasm, stimulation, though that is unsurprising as Risperdal is developed with the structures of Benperidol, the most highly potent neuroleptic available on the European market, and this is what is prescribed to criminals who had committed sex crimes, to castrate them chemically. 
I also have the TOTAL inability to connect with and environments, objects, people, I cannot connect emotionally with anything. I am anhedonic, experiencing a TOTAL absence of all emotions, negative and positive, the TOTAL inability to derive feelings or physiological responses from any stimulation, not a blunted, diminished, or numbed sense of these. I am DEAD. 
My brain is always sedated and my consciousness depressed, with no messages passing through, I am also physiologically sedated. HIGHLY ATYPICAL for me because prior to medication I was ACTIVE and would feel INTENSELY all of the time, particularly agitation or excitability.
 
Challenge my thoughts and words if you think you can prove that all of my post-withdrawal symptoms will cease, and I WILL be the same person with the same life after such trauma to the nervous system, based solely upon your experiences.
 
I am desperate for the truth, though it is likely that I already know the answer. Nobody has the capability of predicting if my post-withdrawal symptoms will cease, if they will amplify, or if I will TOTALLY recover and be the same person with the same life, disproving research statistics.

However, if you have experienced quite a similar
symptomatology, I am especially interested in your experiences, because nobody can seem to relate to what I am experiencing emotionally or neurologically.
 
pray that all of us in pain find healing, peace, and strength.

Edited by Petu
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I will not try to challenge you. I will simply share with you what I'm going through.

 

Let me start by saying that I'm in bad low right now. Just last night I said That I really feel like my life is over and I shouldn't even be here. That being said..... My symptoms have changed a lot in the last 19 months.

 

I experienced loss of memory and detachment from my memories. It has gotten better.  I still can't grab a lot of memories from my past and feel them ...but the symptoms do change.

 

I don't know how far you are into the process but I will say that when you feel like complete **** it can seem like a very long time.

 

There is a huge part of me that feels ruined. That feels like I'm damaged beyond repair. But I try not to stay in that mind space because if I do I become very overwhelmed with sadness. 

 

A lot of my symptoms change. Some of them have gotten worse. That scares me a great deal but I try to remind myself that there are some people that struggled for years before getting better. But they did get better.

 

I have given myself a time span to reassess things. For me it is 2 years. I'm coming up on that so I'm planning on possibly making some different decisions in regards to my health.

 

Maybe that can help you. Give yourself 3 month intervals between making major decisions about yourself..whether that be with professionals or assuming anything about your recovery. This might also take the pressure off what you think you should be feeling.

 

Because it is unpredictable.  I can't tell you anything about your recovery. Hell I can't even make sense of mine. One thing I can tell with 100% certainty though....You are not alone and things will change. 

 

Please hold on...

Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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Kindest thanks for your reply, dunerbug. 

I appreciate your efforts in sharing your experiences with me.
 
Have you experienced improvements in your symptoms in the past 19 months, or are your symptoms manifesting in another way? 
 
I am especially interested in knowing your experiences pertinent to the detachment from and loss of memories, as my memory prior to the administration of the psychiatric medications was photographic. If you could please share more with me, I would be grateful, as this is a persistent and worrisome symptom for me, I am only 25, akin to 75.
 
How have your symptoms changed and what do you experience now, generally? 
 
I feel nothing, and this is most worrisome to me. I had never experienced anhedonic symptoms prior to the administration of the psychiatric medications, and I would feel INTENSELY all of the time, particularly agitation or excitability, to reiterate. The most notable example is, no matter how depressed I was, I would always feel music in my soul. Now I am unsure if I have a soul because I do not even have a personality. I am the living DEAD. I much prefer not to experience depression again, though if I did, it would confirm my ability to feel emotions and feelings, because, the impression that I am under right now, is that this TOTAL absence of emotions and feelings will never resolve in totality, and I will be deprived of heightened, intense, and true emotions and feelings, and higher neurological functions, superficial in comparison. It is not humanly possible to live a life of substance and worth without these emotions and feelings. You cannot live a normal human life. There is no happiness or sadness, no motivation or progression. No reality. No reason. The frontal lobes and limbic system, both parts of my brain that have been chemically lobotomised, you cannot live without, unless you are half-hearted and submissive, of course.
 
There are people who claim that they are better, though in comparison to what, their post-withdrawal and withdrawal symptoms? They may no longer be experiencing post-withdrawal and withdrawal symptoms, though that is not a full recovery to me. A full recovery to me is recovering to be the same person that I was and the life that I had. Of course, I am happy for them if they are no longer in pain, though I cannot accept the near enough is good enough mentality. I definitely could not live with a diminished quality of life. If I experience living proof of a full recovery from post-acute withdrawal syndrome, then I may possibly have a little more hope. Right now, I am quite sure that my brain and nervous system have been chemically lobotomised and damaged irreversibly, and I am by no means comfortable knowing that this is the reality of my situation, though it is what it is. I would rather be real about my situation than living with delusions.

Edited by Petu
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There is a long thread on anhedonia, sorry I am not able to figure out how to post a link with my iPad. I have noticed that generally the younger the person experiencing anhedonia is, the more upset and despairing they are about it. The teenagers really have a rough time. I do hope you see improvement soon.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Here's the link to the anhedonia discussion:

 

Anhedonia, Apathy, and Demotivation

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • Mentor

Hello, I read your story and I can say that I have felt like my body was never going to change.

For close to 2 years after taking medications I felt completely depersonalized, and a numbbing of all emotions to the point I felt like a zombie.

My memory was foggy and everyday felt the same and meaningless. I stayed at home watching T.V. for the two years, only going outdoors to smoke cannabis.

 

I don't feel I was depressed, because I wasn't thinking or dwelling on anything. I wasn't sad or full of self-pity, I was just anxious and agoraphobic.

 

Eventually I pushed myself to get a job again. I was tired of the same thing over and over so I wanted to start up a new routine and do something different. Something had changed in my mind because I was feeling desire to get money and support myself.  It was only part time at a fast food shop. But the time away from my home, made the time in my home more meaningfull.

 

I can't say I feel like I did before medication, but I can say that it took basically 2 years to feel any kind of emotion or personality.

Now 4 years after taking medications I do have moods, and my memory is almost as sharp as it was. But I am aware daily that my mind is not what it was before and that my mind is quite different from other people around me. I don't laugh much, I have cried maybe 5 times in the past 2 years, even after watching a friend drown. Anger comes in waves and fades into a blank mind.

 

I live day by day and try to make my body as healthy as possible. Breathing being the most important thing in my mind. But also attitude, i'm very pessimistic that due to cellular changes within me, I won't be able to experience pleasure like I used to. I try to remind myself that I am alive and constantly growing. With time I will change.

Prescribed Various SSRI's in 2009. Fluoxetine 10mg - 1 Month. Switch to Venlafaxine 75-150mg for 3-5 months. Switch to Sertraline 50-100mg for 6-9 months. Then taper.

Clonazepam 0.5mg for 1 month, as I switched from Venlafaxine to Sertraline.

About 3 months of Sertraline with no improvement, Risperidone was added @ 0.5-1.5mg for one month with 100mg Sertraline. (Causing my only suicide attempt, I was not me.)

 

Sudden stop of Risperidone. A self-taper, removing Sertraline XR beads from 100mg capsules, over 5-9 months. Which I would consider too hasty, in retrospect. Recovered from medication side effects!

My success story: 

 

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Those symptoms, for me, are very difficult to describe.

 

Improvement isn't the word I would use.

 

Change is more appropriate. For a few months? I could not reach into my past memories. It felt so foreign to me. Like where there was once an unlocked door, was now locked one.

Also I experienced emotional detachment from my memories. I could no longer feel what they felt like. 

 

I t was a lonely feeling. Like somehow I was slowly being erased.

 

One time while talking to my sister, she asked, "Who was the most influential person to you growing up?" I could not give a for sure answer. I came up with someone to tell her, but there was no attachment to what I said. I kept scanning people in my head and trying find memories that could support giving an answer. But I felt no feeling toward it.

 

This was a while ago. 

 

Here's how it's changed. I still have problems reaching into my memories and feeling that I was there, but I don't feel the same type of detachment towards them.  This is still an area for me that isn't great. But at the very least I know it can change ....even if it's just my feeling towards them.

 

I hope this makes some sense. It's very difficult to explain and I probably didn't say it right.

 

I know what you're going through is an all around loss of feelings and such. Just know that what you are dealing with others here *can* relate. This just happens to be your worst symptom.

 

My absolute worst symptom in withdrawal is OCD. It has pretty much devastated me and greatly affects my family. There hasn't been anyone on this site whose main symptom is anything like mine. I have felt very alone. But the bottom line is ....everyone has their *beast* to fight during withdrawal.

 

We are all the same in that way.

Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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Checking in. How are you holding up?

Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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  • 1 year later...

I have to make this as quick as possible and will update asap with a better description of how things came to be, for now I need to get the important info to Altostrata and educated people.

 

26/5 Xanax 0.5 administered at approx 8:00 am

26/5 Seroquel 25 mg administered at approx 2:00pm

26/5 Unknown orange coloured pill (described to me only as 'very potent') administered at approx 10:00 pm

26/5 Trittico 100mg administered at approx 10:05 pm

27/5 Cipralex 25 mg administered at approx 9:00 am

 

Xanax 0.5 mg taken 'as needed' for 4 weeks as well as various relaxants in another Hospital.

 

Do I have Serotonin Syndrome or a life threatening condition and if so what are the best signs and what condition to propose to Dr and how to treat?

 

I'm in fear that if I have Serotonin Syndrome it will present several weeks after discharge.

 

Some symptoms I have experienced chronically for 4 weeks and Hospitals (have been in more than one) only relying upon Blood Tests (taken without fasting - Anemia very possible), ECG, IV. No Cardiologist or Neurologist opportunities at this time, desperate for an ECHO/STRESS ECHO.

 

ATROPHY IN CALVES/BURNING ALL OVER BODY/MUSCLE SPASMS/PINS AND NEEDLES/RIGID/TENSE MUSCLES/NUMB HANDS, FEEL LIKE CIRCULATION IS POOR IN CALVES

BLOOD PRESSURE FLUCTUATES BETWEN HIGH OR MORE COMMONLY LOW BLOOD PRESSURE

BOWEL SOUNDS AND GAS BUT NO REGULAR BOWEL MOVEMENT EXCEPT FOR 1 FORCED YELLOW STOOL (MUCUS, SOLID) APPROX MIDDAY 28/5

BLURRED VISION/MIGRAINE/TINNITUS

CHEST PAIN/TIGHTNESS EVEN SURROUNDING HEART/MOST OF ALL THIS PAIN IS COMING FROM THE LEFT SIDE

CHRONIC INSOMNIA (4 WEEKS)

CLAMMY HANDS/EXCESSIVE SWEATING

CONFUSION/DISORIENTATION

COUGHING/DRY LIPS AND MOUTH/NARROW THROAT/SOMETIMES TROUBLE SWALLOWING/SINUS

EXTREME LOSS OF APPETITE/BACK PAIN/CRAMPS/NAUSEA

FAINTING/WEAKNESS

GOOSEBUMPS/SHIVERING

I CAN FEEL PULSE IN OTHER AREAS OF BODY (EG HANDS AND STOMACH) BUT HEART DOESN'T BEAT STRONG, FLUCTUATION, GALLOP, VERY WEAK BEAT

NAUSEA

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Unknown orange pill could have been 0.5mg of clonazepam. Were you heavily sedated after about half hour?

Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD

 

November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg

C/T off 20mg Cipralex

Went into dark depression (never experienced before med)

September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg

Weaned down to 10mg and held

October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac

Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable

June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg

June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point.

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Yes justwanttobefree. Patients seem to be familiar with this orange tablet, will ask tomorrow. I go to bed thinking I'm dying and will die in my sleep, can't sleep, being told repeatedly I have extreme anxiety/panic. Are chronic physical symptoms with 'exacerbation' possible? Have had most of these 4 weeks.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Totemkopf, I found your old thread and merged your new one with it so we have your history and all is in one place. 

 

You had cold turkeyed some drugs in 2013, have you taken any others since then?  Are you in the hospital as a voluntary patient? 

 

If you are a voluntary patient you can refuse drugs, just tell them calmly and politely that you do not wish to take the  drugs and would like to manage things drug free.   There are a lot of drugs there and they will make you feel pretty sick.  Put all the drugs into the interactions checker at drugs.com and show it to the doctor. 

 

http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html  

 

When did all these symptoms start? Is this why you are in the psych ward? Sorry for all the questions Totemkopf, but we need some details to understand what is happening to you. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Hi MammaP, long time no talk, will catch up with you and those who have helped me asap.

 

The above listed drugs in my most recent post are all that I have taken, none new. I'm at the point of pretending I'm asleep in bed every night and do need the drug help more than ever. Any suggestions of what to try when these drugs are out of my system/when will they be out of my system? I estimated Saturday morning 30/5.

 

Yes, I'm in the Psychiatric Ward as a voluntary patient after being transferred from a Hospital that didn't have the means and ways to help me. There's is no hope of me coping drug free right now the chronic insomnia and pain is unbearable.

 

Most of these symptoms started 4 weeks ago.

 

Please tell me I won't die. Will update asap

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You are not going to die!! At least half of your symptoms can be explained by anemia, have they tested your vitamin b12?!

Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD

 

November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg

C/T off 20mg Cipralex

Went into dark depression (never experienced before med)

September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg

Weaned down to 10mg and held

October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac

Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable

June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg

June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point.

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Quick update on symptoms that started after most recent medication (Anemia possible, 4 week long chronic Anxiety/Panic Attack with exacerbated' symptoms possible)

 

BOWEL SOUNDS AND GAS BUT NO REGULAR BOWEL MOVEMENT EXCEPT FOR 1 FORCED YELLOW STOOL (MUCUS, SOLID) APPROX MIDDAY 28/5 FOLLOWED BY 1 FORCED BROWN SOLID 28/5

 

TINNITUS

 

CONFUSION/DISORIENTATION

 

DRY LIPS AND MOUTH/NARROW THROAT/SOMETIMES TROUBLE SWALLOWING

 

EXTREME LOSS OF APPETITE/BACK PAIN

 

FAINTING 27/5

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justwanttobefree, I hope you're right because my outlook on life has changed a million times and I want nothing more than to live.

 

I have had several Blood Tests, the first Complete Blood Count on 6/5 and then another Complete Blood Count (in Emergency Dept of another Hospital without fasting) on 25/5. All blood samples were otherwise without fasting.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

We can't advise on which drugs to take, we are about getting off them. The combination you are on now seems extreme, and I would not be happy taking it as there are some interactions that could make you feel worse. 

 

Some of your symptoms are similar to mine when I can't sleep. I have chronic insomnia and sleep deprivation can cause some awful symptoms, including fainting. 

Dehydration, I am guessing that you are probably not drinking very much if you have no appetite. Dehydration would cause a lot of the symptoms but drinking plenty and rehydrating could ease them in a short time.  

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Hi dear

 

Unknown orange pill could be Mirtazapine/Remeron, judging by the time it is administered - it is usually given here in Bulgaria before bed time, to help people sleep. It is a NaSSA antidepressant. Either that, or probably another benzo or another antipsychotic. 

 

This is what you are taking:

 

Xanax - benzodiazepine
Seroquel - antipsychotic
Unknown orange coloured pill - probably Mirtazapine/Remeron, another benzo or another antipsychotic
Trittico - SARI antidepressant, that's for sleep 
Cipralex - SSRI antidepressant 

 

I don't think you're in danger of developing serotonin syndrome. I've seen people in Bulgaria being put on similar drug cocktails and they didn't develop anything. When they were stable the drugs were removed one by one. 

You are most certainly not going to die. 

I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering

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  • Moderator Emeritus

When doctors get negative results they assume it is mental illness and health anxiety, but the symptoms are very real.  Did you have antibiotics for anything recently? 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Hi MammaP, thank you for your advice and believe me I'm trying my hardest to survive antidepressants and etc

 

The only drug I believe they would be administering if I need it is the Trittico 100 mg at night. It's imperative that I sleep however I'd rather be aware god forbid if something is to happen and by not sleeping it reduces that situation.

 

I drink a minimum of 2 L water daily. It's the extreme loss of appetite and lack of food that's frightening because I'm Vegan.

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How recently? I was on Motrin for suspected UTI in another Hospital this month, couldn't tell you the dose.

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I also have taken Advil this month for migraine and one night I took an Allergy tablet that I can't remember the name of. While I was in another Hospital I had muscle relaxants (mostly liquid) and Buscopan I believe.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

That could be it! Lots of people here have had adverse reactions to antibiotics! It just seemed to be a lot of symptoms out of the blue. If it is then it will settle down again. The worst one seems to be fluoroquinalone, the term for the reactions is 'floxing' . Others have side effects too, I can't tolerate erythromycin, it nakes me very ill. 

 

I've just seen that you have posted and it is Motrin, Motrin is an antihistamine, with ibuprofen. It seems to be an orange pill, to help with sleep and pain, maybe that is what they are giving you at night? http://www.drugs.com/pro/motrin-pm.html

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Try to relax and sleep dear. If you cannot sleep at least rest your mind and body. You will be fine. Hugs from Bulgaria.

I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering

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MammaP, I was experiencing most of these symptoms prior to the Motrin and that was being administered at another Hospital. Do you think the Drs are correct in saying it's Anxiety/Panic? I have seen several and they all repeat the same. Floxing? Heart failure?

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Has anyone had experience with CBT? I have heard positive things for Panic Attack patients (the Drs are persuaded I have) and I'm supposed to start this or next week.

 

If anyone is also able to answer re my 4 week chronic symptoms and relate please post. All day every day chronic pain symptoms and insomnia with 'exacerbations' is this even possible?

 

Needing all the help and support possible right now and not sure where to get it.

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Being clear, these above medications with the dates were one time doses. All medication has been discontinued. I do feel that I may need to reinstate the Trittico 100 mg as a sleeping tablet until I control my anxiety and chronic insomnia however I'm petrified of the side effects. Particularly because I believe there is something wrong with my heart and have not been given my right to have an ECHO/STRESS ECHO.

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TEMESTA (mg?) 10:00 am 29/5

MIRTAZAPINE (mg?) 10:00 pm 29/5

 

These are my new medications and the only side affect right now is that I'm really sleepy.

 

The orange tablet was probably DOMINAL FORTE 80 mg.

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Totenkopf: Loxalate 10mg and Risperdal 2mg, cold turkey

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