Progress! What withdrawal symptoms have gone away for you?

[herewego]

One more thing - most churches are closed on Monday so you may need to hold on till Tuesday to call one if that is what you decide to do.

[Ibid]

I used to work on a suicide prevention hotline. Counselors are usually quite well-trained and empathetic. And they're certainly able to refer you to the best source(s) of help. Your concern about being forced into a hospital is something a suicide counselor can help you with. Most important, they will not rat you out to the authorities.

 

Here's a link to the suicide crisis service for the central coast: http://fsa-cc.org/suicide-prevention-service/.

 

Here is phone information: 

 

24-Hour Suicide Crisis Line
Toll-free: 1-877-663-5433 (ONE LIFE)
Local: 831-458-5300
Serving Monterey, Santa Cruz, and San Benito Counties

 

Good luck, Jetan. There's plenty of help out there. Don't feel alone!

[SquirrellyGirl]

Jetan, this is very serious stuff and this forum is not equipped to help people who are immediately at risk.  Please call a suicide helpline if you find yourself there again, or 911.  Thank you, Ibid, for providing that information.

 

We need to know more about your situation, Jetan.  Are you in withdrawal from a psych med or tapering?  Please start an Intro for yourself here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org.  Read the stickies at the top of the forum and fill out your signature block with your med history:   Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

Withdrawal can lead to suicidal ideation and the dark feelings you expressed, and if you stopped a med cold turkey or tapered too fast, a very small reinstatement can bring vast relief.  So please, start an Intro and give us all the details of what is going on with you now, your med history, etc. so that we can better advise you and get you feeling better.

 

I felt about as bad as you a bit over a year ago when I was in protracted withdrawal from Effexor, though I didn't actually try to suicide.  But I can joyfully say that I don't feel that way today!  So please, give yourself this chance.

 

SG

[herewego]

You may have already noticed this, but 3 posts above yours and 7 from the top, in Symptoms and Self Care there is a post titled 'for those who are feeling desperate or suicidal'. You could check that out too for some encouragement for your situation.

all the best.

[Sheri755]

What an encouraging thread!!

[Eqqnok]

Hi i wanted to start a topic about the windows we get to offer some positive vibrations for you guys including my self.

Im 18 months in protracted amisulpride withdrawal (an antipsychotic, im down to 500 mg from 800 mg)

 

And i get 3 kinds of windows.

One is like being washed with a sence of wellbeing in the body, it happens about once a week.

Another is suddenly being hit by a window of positivity and optimism where i feel so alive.

The third window im getting is sort of a time where i can focus pretty good and feel great love for my family and my life.

I get about 7-10 windows a month.

[Fightingawar]

On 2/11/2014 at 2:20 AM, Petunia said:

What does healing feel like to me?

 

Its like waking suddenly at 6am with my mind fully alert, body tense and shaking on the inside as fearful thoughts start to roll along, one after another, reminding me that I'm still broken, today isn't going to be the day my life is fixed.  But then at some point I realize that I have just slept through the entire night, when that wasn't always the case.  I remember the nights when I would wake at 3am, 4am and 5am and not be able to go back to sleep, those nights are rare now.

 

There are those days where I'm feeling slightly better and I push myself to do a few of the things I need to do, but then suddenly feel exhausted, So I lay down and fall asleep.  Then wake up suddenly, not knowing where I am or what day it is.  Then I remember, look at the time and realize that I have been asleep for a whole hour, during the day, two months ago that wasn't possible.  Up until very recently, my body has been hyper-stimulated during the day and unable to fall asleep, it must be starting to settle down.

 

Healing from withdrawal is like spending the morning feeling so bad I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to take it, but I hang on and get through each moment, trying to find things to distract me, to occupy my terrified mind and keep it calm until suddenly, I find myself outside raking up leaves in the sun and I realize it doesn't feel as bad as the last time I raked leaves.

 

I come inside and jump in the shower with only slight hesitation.  Then half way through washing my hair realize that a year ago, it took me several days to build up the 'courage' to get myself in the shower, and that the fear I felt through the whole process had been overwhelming.  Now there is no fear during the actual process of showering, only some frustration because of the slow running drain and coming to terms with the reality that one of these days I'm going to have to handle calling a plumber.... but not today.

 

Healing from withdrawal feels like not healing at all and being certain that I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life and wondering if I'm going to have the strength to endure it.  But then finding myself driving in my car, completely relaxed, not worried about anything, remembering how at first, driving anywhere caused a continual state of panic until I got back home. I would put things off for days if I could, just so I could avoid the added stress.  Now, there is some residual fear associated with driving, caused by the memory of actually having to do it in such an intense state of fear, but once I get in the car, I relax.  It wasn't driving which caused the fear, the fear was there anyway.  A secondary fear was created out of the horrendous experience of having to drive around while being in a state of panic, I don't recommend it.

 

Healing is like feeling really awful and believing that its just getting worse and worse, until I think back carefully or read back through my thread or journal and see the truth about just how bad it was, compared to now.  It only seems like its getting worse.  Maybe its because its been going on so long, its wearing me down and wearing me out.

 

Healing is like walking backwards somewhere with your eyes closed.  You have no idea where you are heading, and you don't know where you have been until you get somewhere else and open your eyes for a few moments and look back towards where you came from.  Then you close them again and keep going.

 

Sometimes healing feels like I am standing still while the rest of the world races by, leaving me behind, and I panic.  But then I calm down and notice that no one is going anywhere.  Everyone else is racing around and around in circles and I'm sitting calmly and peacefully in the center, knowing that everything I need is right here.

 

 

Wow this is exactly how it is, I cried and cried reading this ❤️

[manymoretodays]

❤️  Tis.  Beautiful, eh?   Love you Petunia!

I'm glad you got to release some tears, Fighting.

 

Well, I've been post zero now since December 2016.

 

........Healing feels good. 

Life can sometimes be difficult on the other side though.......something I have learned.  It's not always fair....... yet we learn to accept, and go on, and have faith.  I mean I am thankful I have an "other side" to consider now.  Some folks never get to learn this stuff.  This before and after psych care, or some of these medications thing.  I kind of feel "lucky".  A lot of good experiences along the way.  Both sides.  Truly.

 

Not what I ever planned though.  So much for all that.  Planning and conforming.  Although, if I say so myself........I conform.  Maybe I'm unconventional.  Yes, that sounds better.  I have had to go way out of my comfort zone sometimes.  And can.  Wow.  It works and helps and keeps me thriving.

 

I can choose now........and shift my perspective/perception.    Well, I can't always choose joyous but I CAN choose to shift.  And then do so.  Out into the light or even half light.  The "middle road" so to speak.  Not always as quick as I'd like to but soon enough.  Much sooner than when I was medicated....... and thought I had a bonafide fixed point "illness".

I have tools to use to do this as well.  To help me shift.  And a much........oh so much stronger Spiritual sense of things(NOT religion mind you, although that is okay too).  A guide maybe.  Which now lives within me.  And a few people, supports if you will........ever changing........but people........and respect and compassion for others........then it comes back......you know?

 

I've been through a lot of very difficult stuff since I finally arrived here at surviving.  I think I do better at Life in general than ever before.  Oh, not perfect.......just better.

 

It's a good feeling.  Healing.

 

I have to be honest though and tell you.........if I presented myself to a Dr. of any kind, especially shrink, or even most therapists(I have one still on file)........during my initial coping "mess of a self" period(when hard stuff happens now).........  I mean I just don't go there, do that anymore........depend on a Dr., or Shrink, or even therapist to fix me, when times are hard.  It's usually just crying or lack of focus due to transient intense feelings.  Or wanting to avoid again.  Or isolate.........oh boy, that one never does ME any good.  Or fall back on the discipline that I have to keep.......eating right, exercise, chores, etc.  The good things.......more self discipline and chores.

 

It's a great feeling.  Healing.

 

Idk.  It feels good even when Life throws me.......Healing.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

Edited May 10, 2018 by manymoretodays

[FarmGirlWorks]

13 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

I can choose now........and shift my perspective/perception.    Well, I can't always choose joyous but I CAN choose to shift.  And then do so.  Out into the light or even half light.  The "middle road" so to speak.  Not always as quick as I'd like to but soon enough.  Much sooner than when I was medicated

@manymoretodays, that is exactly what I've been cultivating recently -- the middle road, the neutral mind. Kundalini yoga is talking about that lately and I finally can hear it. In fact, I was thinking myself into excitement the other day and I realized fast that it was just a way not to despair. But then I went to the neutral mind to calm down that yo-yo effect. It is new to me and definitely will take LOTS of practice. Like a lifetime or so 😉

[manymoretodays]

  Well yah......I reckon we get all the time we need. 

I don't know much about Kundalini yoga.........yet.  So many paths.........all leading the same way.  And awesomeness to you today!

Oh, the "middle path" and the good red road.  The good red road goes with recovery and of course recovery is healing.  And I hope it's a Native American term.  And thank you for the in or outgoing for us in Inipi/sweat lodge style @FarmGirlWorks

Edited May 10, 2018 by manymoretodays

[emergingfromhell]

My therapist used a good analogy - she reminded me of how cuts heal. 

If you cut your arm and you’ve never done that before, the healing process might be quite scary. 

The blood clots, the area inflames, a scab forms, etc…but the truth is that all the while, regardless of how bad it may look, the cut is getting better.

I definitely have times when the healing scares me, when I wonder if I’ll be like this forever, when I feel hopeless. During those times, I have a tendency to freak out, google psychiatric disorders and realize all the symptoms resemble one or another, worry my family and friends, etc…and essentially pick at the scab. The panic causes more panic. I am doing my best to be patient and trust the process. 

[peng]

Yes, "picking the scab" - great analogy.

Well done and thanks to you, emergingfromhell and your therapist.

Don't pick it - you'll only make it worse, folks!

[RusTW]

 prior to any of you having your windows do you ever get signs that your windows are coming I know that we get signs that are waves are coming do you ever get a sense that you're starting to get better prior to my last window I was extremely amped-up had Melancholy and just very optimistic

[Eqqnok]

9 hours ago, RusTW said:

 prior to any of you having your windows do you ever get signs that your windows are coming I know that we get signs that are waves are coming do you ever get a sense that you're starting to get better prior to my last window I was extremely amped-up had Melancholy and just very optimistic

Hi. No i don't get a sign. I usually just get an instant window.

When i get a major window i feel very optimistic. Sometimes the window is more a sence of wellbeing.

I usually feel worse in the morning and then feel better later in the day.

The waves im having at the moment are anxiety and feeling nervous.

I also have symptoms i would say are not waves. Like the cognitive impairment symptoms and such. I feel the windows are more like a switch being flipped on

Edited July 16, 2018 by Eqqnok

[RusTW]

Are u ok at night.do you have symptoms.I feel the worst in the mornings.how long do your Windows last

[Eqqnok]

At night im usually ok. Unless im paranoid. I got tardive psychosis while tapering to fast from my antipsychotic. But that have mostly passed, it was very scary mate.

The longest window i had lasted 5 hours of feeling very much alive and optimistic. I couldnt believe back then that i could feel so good. I also get windows where if i deceide to jog i get a runners high or if i drink coffee i get a great effect.

A year back i had maybe 12 different symptoms and now i got maybe 6-7 different symptoms left.

[RusTW]

Sorry to hear about that.seems like it take a while to get balanced.are you still taking 500 mg of amisulpride

[RusTW]

How have you been.

[Eqqnok]

43 minutes ago, RusTW said:

How have you been.

Hi. Yes im still taking 500 mg amisulpride and i am getting more and more stable, but it could take a year or two more.

Im having major sleep issues, but my depression is gone and havent returned since april month.

I have some cognitive impairment, like it feels someone is sqeezing my brain.

Sometimes i can feel it lifts.

I know from experience my brain is working on most symptoms.

 

I used to have like 30 different symptoms and now i have 6-7 different.

I plan on in the future to further reduce the dose, but its nothing i think about now. How have you been?

[RusTW]

Glad your stabilizing .man its a rough road.i was on the meds for a little over a year when i stopped.some of you were on them many years.hope the healing happens sooner but we all have to ride this out.its great your symptoms have reduced.i have 2or 3 really bad days lately then a few good days or hours.i still have nausea and anxiety.Are you able to take naps.i haven't in the time on the meds over a year.i miss that.i cant sleep in either i just toss and turn and try to sleep.

 

[Eqqnok]

1 hour ago, RusTW said:

Glad your stabilizing .man its a rough road.i was on the meds for a little over a year when i stopped.some of you were on them many years.hope the healing happens sooner but we all have to ride this out.its great your symptoms have reduced.i have 2or 3 really bad days lately then a few good days or hours.i still have nausea and anxiety.Are you able to take naps.i haven't in the time on the meds over a year.i miss that.i cant sleep in either i just toss and turn and try to sleep.

 

I can't sleep during the day. When i was on a higher dose i had no dream recall now i have REM sleep rebound.

I can sleep at night for about 4-5 hours. But sometimes it feels like i cant get that sleepy feeling.

The anxiety in the beginning was brutal, i used to have cravings for the antipsychotic and they say its a rare withdrawal symptom.

The most bothersome symptoms i have are the cognitive symptoms.

What makes me abit angry mate is that the doctors dont know how to get one of the drug.

They say that the doctor of the future will be a hollistic doctor, but the most important is what we do now.

Hang in there mate.

 

[RusTW]

I'm still on zoloft 50mgs in the day.its wierd the last 3 days almost forgot to take it.its a activate drug so I'm thinking it may be bringing on the anxiety after I take it.I have the seroquel and zoloft to get off of 50mgs each.its harder to taper lower dose

[Eqqnok]

9 minutes ago, RusTW said:

I'm still on zoloft 50mgs in the day.its wierd the last 3 days almost forgot to take it.its a activate drug so I'm thinking it may be bringing on the anxiety after I take it.I have the seroquel and zoloft to get off of 50mgs each.its harder to taper lower dose

I used to be on zoloft but got off it.

Yes its quite activating of a drug.

[RusTW]

 how many milligrams were you on did you have withdrawals when you came off it. I got hit harder coming off the Seroquel cold turkey the whole time I've been tapering The Zoloft though thank God I didn't cold turkey that too I would have been in a bigger mess now than I am in. My doctor went straight to 125 mg of the Zoloft so I've taper down pretty fast off of that now I'm just down to 50 mg she wanted to give me even more but I declined. It was all supposedly because I was upsetting about health symptoms so she said I had OCD and threw me on them. It's crazy because the hell symptoms were probably coming from reactions from the Ativan or Zyprexa but she never thought about that . she just thought I needed more meds. I bet if I asked her for more meds on top of what I was already on she probably would have gave them to me

[RusTW]

I gracefully fired her and my psychologist. I think some doctors are good for some people but they weren't good for me now I have trust issues. They've read a lot of books but I don't think they felt a lot of these feelings

[Eqqnok]

1 minute ago, RusTW said:

I gracefully fired her and my psychologist. I think some doctors are good for some people but they weren't good for me now I have trust issues. They've read a lot of books but I don't think they felt a lot of these feelings

It gotten worse over the years. My doctor wanted to put me on statins for cholesterol. But then i deceided to read niacin the real story by abram hoffer and andrew w saul. So i starten on high doses of niacin and my ldl dropped 50% and my hdl rose 50%

From what i know they get 30 hours of vitamin and mineral training. But they are really drug pushers, im not paranoid but big pharma have corrupted healthcare.

I used to be on 150 mg of zoloft, but i dont have a hard time getting of ssri meds. I tapered by 25% every month till i was off. I remember when i was having severe withdrawal anxiety from amisulpride and my nurse told me just to breathe and relax. It was hell.

Its easy to be misdiagnosed during withdrawal, i didnt talk to my doctor during the first time of withdrawal. But he would probaly have diagnosed me as bipolar which im not. Sometimes i wish they would try the withdrawal them on them self. Please dont go cold turkey mate. 

Yes they read alot of books, but not the right kind of books to be fair.

[RusTW]

How you feeling today. I've been having a small window so I'm doing okay I guess.

[Eqqnok]

On 7/21/2018 at 7:44 PM, RusTW said:

How you feeling today. I've been having a small window so I'm doing okay I guess.

I've been okay. Im trying to make time pass until some of my symptoms dissaper.

Im in my parents summer hut in the westeren part of denmark. We are on vication togehter. I have these inner vibrations in my brain. I don't really worry that much. How have you been?

 

[RusTW]

 I hope you have a chance to have some fun while you're on vacation. I'm glad you're doing okay. If the symptoms aren't too bad don't let them stop you from living. My my nausea doesn't seem as bad as it was in the beginning. I still have a low-grade bit of an anxiety also. The more I let my imagination run wild the worse the symptoms get. If I just get on with my day they don't seem to be as bad. When I was withdrawing from Ativan I had that buzzing thing in my head that's not fun. But it did go away though. I hope you have some good memories with your family please try to enjoy not be too hard on yourself about stuff. Always waiting for that next window and they'll just get longer and longer so hang in there.

[Eqqnok]

On 7/23/2018 at 1:21 AM, RusTW said:

 I hope you have a chance to have some fun while you're on vacation. I'm glad you're doing okay. If the symptoms aren't too bad don't let them stop you from living. My my nausea doesn't seem as bad as it was in the beginning. I still have a low-grade bit of an anxiety also. The more I let my imagination run wild the worse the symptoms get. If I just get on with my day they don't seem to be as bad. When I was withdrawing from Ativan I had that buzzing thing in my head that's not fun. But it did go away though. I hope you have some good memories with your family please try to enjoy not be too hard on yourself about stuff. Always waiting for that next window and they'll just get longer and longer so hang in there.

Hi rus. Thanks.

We had a great vacation. We are home again now. Im struggeling with inner vibrations and a intense burning sensation.

I know i will recover someday but its sometimes hard to keep going.

I can be a bit irritated on my brain when i get sleepy during midday.

Today i had anxiety that lasted 3 hours. It was horrible.

I hope i can make some progress later this year. What drugs did you taper when you were on your medication?

[RusTW]

I'm glad you had a good vacation. Sorry you still having those symptoms the anxiety really sucks man. I still have bad days I do get some pretty good windows. Maybe now that your home you can focus on your recovery. Are you getting any windows. I'm still taking Seroquel 50mgs and Zoloft 50mgs . it's good to hear from you.

[Eqqnok]

On ‎8‎/‎2‎/‎2018 at 7:11 PM, RusTW said:

I'm glad you had a good vacation. Sorry you still having those symptoms the anxiety really sucks man. I still have bad days I do get some pretty good windows. Maybe now that your home you can focus on your recovery. Are you getting any windows. I'm still taking Seroquel 50mgs and Zoloft 50mgs . it's good to hear from you.

I have ahnedonia which i think is called. Sort of like an emotional numbness that sucks the joy out of life. Yes im getting windows but they are very different from time to time. Im going home to my parents place tomorrow and im looking forward to it. The emotionel numbness comes in waves. I can feel a sort of like a tight feeling in the center of my brain.

It burns a little and i can feel it vibrate. Im not to worried because over a longer period i can see improvements in my conditions. Not alot happens to my symptoms in a week, but over a period of months and months they ease up a little. I had a dream awhile back where my subconcious told me i will be having withdrawal for 5 years, that sometimes

make me worried.

When we hit oktober this year its been 2 years withdrawal and it might not seem like it when i have a bad day, but alot have happened in the 22 months ive been having withdrawal symptoms. It all started with a too fast taper back then and i believe that its why im having protracted withdrawal. I used to be on sertraline for my withdrawal depression and it did

help, but i tapered off it.

[RusTW]

 I'm glad that you improved. Believe in your dream you will get better. Nobody knows how long it's going to take though hopefully yours will be soon you been going through it for a while. I get that emotional numbness too it comes and goes . We just got to hang in there until it goes away. My symptoms change all the time so it's it's hard to tell what's happening with me I did it cold turkey and then reinstatement.

[RusTW]

How many mg of zoloft did you taper from

[Eqqnok]

1 hour ago, RusTW said:

How many mg of zoloft did you taper from

I tapered from 150 mg of zoloft.

I tapered to 125 mg stayed there a month.

Then tapered from 125 mg down to 75 mg and hold for 45 days. Then from 75 to 50 mg and been there a month and then down to 25 for 3 weeks and i quit.

It was a rather painless experience and im glad i tapered. Never had a problem with tapering from ssri.

Antipsychotics are a different story.

[RusTW]

Thanks  for getting back to me on that I stepped from Zoloft 25 mg each time from 125 mg it was a pretty fast taper so far. I'm at 50 mg now. I kind of feel the same that the Zoloft is a lot easier than antipsychotic Seroquel. Zoloft had me all whacked out while I was on it with OCD thinking and health anxiety so I think taking it now is just making me worse it's making my anxiety worse and I'm noticing OCD thinking holding it 50 mg right now. A member from the site took quite a while to taper down and they had issues while they where holding because of adverse reactions from taking it. I'm trying to differentiate if I'm having symptoms because of my CT of Seroquel or if it is this damn Zoloft is screwing me up again.