Songbird: a little about me

[Songbird]

Thank you for the hugs and smilies!  It is a nice relief not to be depressed.  I was in a bad place for quite a while until I went and saw my Neurolink guy, who helps my body to rebalance itself.  Of course, it all costs money, which stresses me out in another way.  The job/money situation is still a problem, but having some part-time work I really enjoy is great.

[Songbird]

I've been putting off my next drop as it has been so nice to feel better for a while, as well as coping much better with life.  It would be nice to stay stable for longer, but I'm feeling the need to get this taper happening again so that I can get off in this lifetime, so I may begin a tiny drop in the next few days.

[Fresh]

Hi  Songbird ,    good to hear the universe sent some work your way , and you've been feeling better.    

I'm interested in your Neurolink guy.   Is it a chiropractic thing?    

There's clinics near me so i'm wondering how it's working for you.

 

Best wishes ,   Fresh

[brassmonkey]

Hi songbird-- it's so wonderful to hear that you're having a nice break. Deffo listen to your body from here on out.  From 3.5 down to 2 was really unpredictable for me, but it seemed to cycle fairly fast on the bad stuff and the good lasted longer.  I also had a lot of intrusive thoughts, especially old c*** from childhood that had been worked through years ago.  Have you been able to play around in the studio?

 

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Songbird]

Hi Fresh and Brassmonkey!  Thank you for the hugs!

 

This morning I dropped to 3.35mg, a drop of 0.05mg, so we'll see how that goes.  It is interesting about the unpredictability of drops.  I guess it could be that certain drops are harder for the body or for certain body systems as something reaches a threshold.  I also wonder how much long-term recovery plays into things - I mean perhaps sometimes we hit a wave whatever dose we are at because of all the earlier dose reductions we did months or years ago, like the way we often see the CT people get hit by 6 month, 9 month, 12 month waves.  I guess I'll never really know the reason, but either way it makes sense to hold for a while.  I'm hoping I won't need to do a lot more holds, though, as this is taking so many years already.

 

To find out more about neurolink, try googling "neurolink rebalance" or "neurological integration system".  It is a bit like acupuncture and reflexology, working on various points around the body.  The aim is to optimise communication between the brain and all the organs and systems of the body by working on these neurological circuits.  Muscle testing is used to identify the circuits that are weak, and then pressure applied to the points by rubbing them to strengthen the circuit.  It sounds weird but is easy and painless, and I have found it quite effective.

 

Yes, the universe sent some work my way, and it is tiring me out, but good for the finances which really need all the help they can get!  I've managed to do a bit in the studio but not as much as I would like.  I'm hoping to do some more over the Easter break.  I find that working on my own projects tends to revitalise me psychologically, if you know what I mean.  I think it probably helps prevent depression, and it feels like something I really need for the sake of my health.  I always feel so much better afterwards.

 

It is interesting about all the old stuff from childhood coming up again, because when I'm depressed that's what happens and I feel totally swamped with it.  It wasn't so much intrusive thoughts, more like really bad moods, negative feelings and loads of crying.  Since the depression lifted I've gradually begun to feel much stronger and able to be myself, and almost as if I am changing into a stronger person in some ways, but who knows if that will last, this process takes me through so many different mes, I could be a wreck again next week for all I know.  But today I am feeling pretty good and enjoying it while it lasts.

[Tilly]

Hi Songbird,

 

Thank you so much for stopping by my page. 

 

It is good to hear that you are doing well. Enjoy it!

 

I am also finding that my resilience and sense of self is increasing slowly but surely as a consequence of negotiating my way through the daily struggles that we face.

 

I hope that you continue to feel well and make further progress.

 

Take care and be kind to yourself.

 

Tilly x

[Songbird]

Well, the drop has hit over the past few days.  A lot of fatigue, working a couple of days made me feel exhausted, needed naps and lots of sleep, a bit brain foggy.  Also the stabbing pains returned, in my right hip bones this time (last time it was my left foot), irritated right eye, general uncomfortable feeling in the abdomen, ongoing back pain stuff.  The fatigue has eased but now have mild anxiety, feeling a bit irritable and jittery.  Some of this could be down to PMS.  I'm feeling okayish psychologically so far, a bit down but nothing major.  I was hoping to slide down to 3.3mg tomorrow, which I may still do anyway.  The symptoms are mild, and I want to drop more than 0.05 per month, even if I could do 0.1mg per month, I could get down to 2.5mg by the end of the year. 

[Tilly]

Hi Songbird,

 

Congratulations on your recent drop. It sounds like you are negotiating associated symptoms well. Your small drops and patience with holding seems to be working well for you. It is amazing how many of us experience pain related symptoms during our tapers. This is something that I have only become aware of in recent months. I wish you continued progress.

 

Tilly x

[Songbird]

Thank you, Tilly.  I dropped to 3.3mg today.

 

My system felt jittery last night and I didn't think I would be able to sleep, so I took some valerian tincture, which did the trick.  The jittery feeling bothered me because it felt like some of it was a kind of chest vibration, like I had badly during my crash.  I woke up feeling pretty horrible (jittery, grumpy, tearful, etc.), but improved throughout the day and ended up having a fairly normal day.  It's funny how we can feel so wretched early in the morning, but pretty good later on.  I'm hoping most of this stuff is down to PMS rather than the drop.

[Tilly]

Hi Songbird,

 

I'm sorry to hear about the jittery sensation. It sounds particularly distressing as it is trauma related. I hope that this goes away for you very soon. If it's any consolation, my withdrawal symptoms intensify significantly when I am pre menstrual.

 

Take good care and be kind to yourself.

 

Tilly x

[Kizzie]

Hi Songbird - Ive just found everyone here and wanted to look you up.  Hope you are doing ok.... i think we are probably both in the '40's hormones' spin.

Only logged in for short time now but will catch up with everything over next few days x

[Songbird]

It's fantastic to see you here, Kizzie!  We must catch up soon!

[mustangwoman]

Songbird, wonderful to "see you" and that you are getting along well.  I hope you continue to do well with your drops.

[Tilly]

Hi Songbird,

 

I'm stopping by, while I am able, to send you love hugs and continued healing.

 

Tilly x

[Songbird]

Thank you so much, Mustang Woman and Tilly!  I haven't been here in a while.  I've been quite busy and also still struggling with some depression and fatigue.  It has been more of a 'blah' type depression than feeling really down, low motivation, everything seems a bit pointless and I just feel weary of the daily struggle of life.  Just getting out of bed in the mornings is a struggle most days.  I've been getting a bit more work, though still only part-time and not enough to live on, but we got some money from inland revenue which has helped to alleviate the financial stress somewhat.  Even working only about 20 hours per week, the week is very busy and I feel very tired most of the time.

 

I've held on 3.2mg and the depression has been easing off recently.  I'm going to hold here for a bit longer as I feel like I need a break from the depression. It is so frustrating having to still go so slowly and hold so long and feel so tired and depressed for much of my life.  The symptoms are not major and I am grateful for that, but I feel like my life is kind of wasting away.  I know l shouldn't expect life to be perfect and everyone has ups and downs, but lately I just feel so tired of it all.  With the recent improvement I guess that I am stabilising on this dose, but the thought of going through this all again for years, every time I drop just 0.05mg, is quite disheartening.  Still, there really is no other choice, just have to keep slogging on through it.

 

I don't know if I mentioned this somewhere already, but someone recommended a supplement she had used that helped her injury heal quickly.  I was unable to get the same one she used, but found a similar one that was readily available and not very expensive.  It has really helped with all my aches and pains, especially my back problems.  I still get a sore back now and then, but not nearly as much as before, and when it does flare up (usually because I've tweaked it by lifting or moving something in a way it doesn't like), it settles down again quite quickly.  The supplement I've been using contains turmeric, ginger, boswellia, withania and piperine.  It's basically a big bunch of anti-inflammatory herbs.

[nz11]

Great to hear from you  again Songbird. Been missing your wise words of wisdom.

Hope these wdl symptoms settle and you can do the next drop soon.

Go well

nz11

[Songbird]

Thanks, NZ11!

[Kizzie]

Hi Songbird - just wondering how you are doing and if things have settle after your last drop.

Interesting to see you talking about anti inflammatories - ive been suffering much more with back/neck/head pain than I ever did in the past.  I think there may be a hormonal link.  Will look up those herbs you mentioned x

[Songbird]

Hi Kizzie, lovely to see you! 

 

I haven't been here in a while, been quite busy.  I dropped 0.1mg down to 3.1mg on 6 July after the depression and anhedonia finally eased off.  I decided to try a 0.1mg drop again as i don't think the smaller 0.05mg drops were really helping much, just slowing my taper down.  When I updated my signature I realised that it has taken me 5 years to drop by 3mg, how depressing.  Anyway, I'm hoping to drop under 3mg before the end of the year, and the thought of being down in the 2s cheers me up a little as it sounds like quite a low dose!

 

I've recently been feeling better and it has been school holidays so I haven't been working much, so have had time to rest and recuperate somewhat, but I've still been pretty busy anyway.  I've been doing some stuff in our recording studio and we have finished one track that we started way back in 2004 and picked up again last year.  It's a lot of time for just one track, but at least it is finally finished, and now we are moving on to start a brand new track.  When I first dusted off the studio, DH didn't seem very keen and it took a long time (and much nagging) to get him to put a guitar part down for the track, but recently he seems quite keen on recording again, which is fantastic as we make quite a good team, and I was concerned for a while that I'd have to go it alone with the recording stuff.  My only regret is not getting back into it much sooner, like years ago.  I'm sure that the SSRI is at least partly to blame for that.  When I'm in the studio I get completely absorbed in what I'm doing and forget about everything else and I just feel like totally me.  I just wish I had more free days to spend doing it.  I've got quite a lot of gym coaching work lined up for this term, which will be good money-wise, but likely to be very tiring.

 

On another note, we got two kittens earlier this year, they're really sweet and lovely to cuddle.  Will post a photo soon.  Well, that's enough of an update for now.

[Songbird]

Here's a pic of our two kitties, Tabitha and Athena.

[nz11]

oooooh so cute !

 

I just this week was wondering if you had done the next drop and you have.

How wonderful to be closing in on the 3mg mark.

 

Didnt know you were a singer and your own recording studio too. wow awesome.Sounds like your  tapering is going faster than your tracking hopefully in the not too distant future both the tracking and the tapering will be finished. Now that will be something to sing about.

I used to love singing too but wdl has wiped that all out. There's something to be said for going slow.

[brassmonkey]

Hi Songbird-- it's wonderful that your'e recording again and actually getting things finished.  The distraction of studio time is a great thing.  I remember loosing hours at a time video editing.  I actually have the urge to do it again someday, too much going on right now to take the time.  We start setting up the Halloween Haunt in a couple of weeks and that overrides everything else for a while.

 

So glad that things are going well.  You'll be below 3 in no time.  Slow and stead really pays off.

 

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[KarenB]

Hello Songbird,

 

I've just read through your thread after NZ11 mentioned you as another ultra-slow taperer.  I was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with me .  I found your topic quite reassuring - I guess there will just always be people at the extremes of things.  

 

I think you have done one incredible job with both the taper and getting your head around the slowness.

 

I just tried a 1% taper which took me two months to recover from (one month bad symptoms, one month minimal symptoms).  Last night I started about a 'third of a 1%' taper.  I am hoping so much that it works better this time.  Because I'm still way up around 133mg Effexor.  It scares me how slow this is, it's ripping my life up. 

 

Anyway, thanks for all your previous posts, nice to meet you, and I hope you are doing okay at the moment.

Hugs,

Karen 

[LexAnger]

Hi Songbird,

 

Hope you are doing fine!

 

I'm very impressed with you amazing slow taper! I believe it's the wisest strategy for you.

I'm also the incredible turtle crawling on the micro taper road, even though I found it intolerable when I hit 3.2 mg lexapro.

 

Lexapro is twice the power than citalopram, so I'm still like at 6.4mg in your case.

 

How have things been going with you? Do you find the long hold provide good relief in the past years?

 

Lex

[MollyN]

Hi Songbird I see you haven't been on for a while (I hope that means you're been feeling great and enjoying yourself xxx)  Like all your other friends here I find your taper really encouraging - my starting point with psych drugs was through pregnancies as well - damn did we have the same GP?!

 

I hope you have a really lovely Christmas and New Year xxx

[Songbird]

Hello Songbird,

 

I've just read through your thread after NZ11 mentioned you as another ultra-slow taperer.  I was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with me .  I found your topic quite reassuring - I guess there will just always be people at the extremes of things.  

 

I think you have done one incredible job with both the taper and getting your head around the slowness.

 

I just tried a 1% taper which took me two months to recover from (one month bad symptoms, one month minimal symptoms).  Last night I started about a 'third of a 1%' taper.  I am hoping so much that it works better this time.  Because I'm still way up around 133mg Effexor.  It scares me how slow this is, it's ripping my life up. 

 

Anyway, thanks for all your previous posts, nice to meet you, and I hope you are doing okay at the moment.

Hugs,

Karen 

 

Hi Karen, sorry for the late reply, I haven't been here for quite a while.  It is very frustrating having to go so slowly (and then still having awful symptoms, but not as bad as they would have been tapering quickly).  I think the important thing is that, no matter how small the drop, the dose is going in the right direction, i.e. down.  I've also found that some dose ranges are more difficult than others.  I hope your smaller drops work well for you.  Thanks for visiting my thread!

[Songbird]

Hi Songbird,

 

Hope you are doing fine!

 

I'm very impressed with you amazing slow taper! I believe it's the wisest strategy for you.

I'm also the incredible turtle crawling on the micro taper road, even though I found it intolerable when I hit 3.2 mg lexapro.

 

Lexapro is twice the power than citalopram, so I'm still like at 6.4mg in your case.

 

How have things been going with you? Do you find the long hold provide good relief in the past years?

 

Lex

 

Hi Lex, it was nice to find quite a few of us turtles here.  I had a lot of trouble around 6.3mg and held there for many months waiting to stabilise.  I've done quite a few holds along the way.  I don't like to start a drop until I've stabilised from the previous drop, as the instability suggests to me that the body still hasn't adapted to the change in dose, so a further drop is risky.

[Songbird]

Hi Songbird I see you haven't been on for a while (I hope that means you're been feeling great and enjoying yourself xxx)  Like all your other friends here I find your taper really encouraging - my starting point with psych drugs was through pregnancies as well - damn did we have the same GP?!

 

I hope you have a really lovely Christmas and New Year xxx

 

Hi Molly, it's good to hear that people find my taper encouraging.  I just hope I can get all the way through it and survive intact at the other end.  Hope you have a great Christmas and New Year too.

[nz11]

Hi Songbird thanks for popping into my intro.

 

Happy New year to you too!

 

And well done for breaking the 3mg barrier.

Look forward to following continued great progress in your flight to freedom in 2016.

[ladybug]

Congrats on getting into the 2s, Songbird. That's awesome!

[Songbird]

Thanks, Ladybug!  Since I crashed when going under 5mg during my previous taper attempt, I was always terrified that I wouldn't ever be able to get down below 5mg, that the dose was some kind of barrier or threshold point for me, but tapering super slowly has made it possible, thank goodness.  I'm hoping I may be able to get down under 2mg this year, but we'll see how it goes.  Last year I had a lot of depression with each drop, so I wouldn't say it's been plain sailing at all.  Looks like you may be going across the 5mg threshold yourself soon - that's a big milestone for sure.

[Purplestars22]

Hello Songbird, it's refreshing reading a taper well done and done correctly and best of luck on getting below two this year.

[Songbird]

Thanks, Purplestars, I don't know if it's correct, but it's certainly slow.

[AliG]

Hi Songbird,

 

" Kudos" to you for your slow taper. It can be frustrating to put your dreams on hold. For you, it's singing . For me, it's painting. Maybe,one day we'll both get back to it.

I hope the New Year , brings joy and peace. 

Ali

[Songbird]

Thanks, Ali.  I am still singing and trying to push my dreams along albeit very slowly.

 

I noticed this drop hitting more today, with restlessness, irritability, low mood, tearfulness, and then fatigue.  I tend to feel very lethargic after meals.  Also tonight I have aching joints, and my right eye is irritated again.  It's all pretty mild stuff and so far not too bad.

 

I injured my shoulder in November, saw my great physio, and it started improving, but then plateaued and has since worsened.  Apparently it is subdeltoid bursitis, and as it hasn't improved much, my physio is now recommending I get a cortisone injection.  I'm kind of worried about that, has anyone here had one of those and did it cause any problems? 

 

I'm getting a bit fed up with being in pain every day and night, and having a semi-crippled right arm.  I've tried a number of different pain-killers, but none of them work that well on this shoulder pain, at best they reduce the pain down to a dull ache so I can get on with things and sleep at night.  I would love it if the injection could alleviate the pain and allow the shoulder to heal.  I've heard that for some people, one shot fixed their problem, but others end up having repeated shots which caused other problems.  Anyone have any info and/or experience with cortisone shots?  Or shoulder bursitis?

[LexAnger]

 

Hi Songbird,

Hope you are doing fine!

I'm very impressed with you amazing slow taper! I believe it's the wisest strategy for you.

I'm also the incredible turtle crawling on the micro taper road, even though I found it intolerable when I hit 3.2 mg lexapro.

Lexapro is twice the power than citalopram, so I'm still like at 6.4mg in your case.

How have things been going with you? Do you find the long hold provide good relief in the past years?

Lex

 

 

Hi Lex, it was nice to find quite a few of us turtles here.  I had a lot of trouble around 6.3mg and held there for many months waiting to stabilise.  I've done quite a few holds along the way.  I don't like to start a drop until I've stabilised from the previous drop, as the instability suggests to me that the body still hasn't adapted to the change in dose, so a further drop is risky.

Hi Songbird,

Happy to hear back from you! You are doing incredibly great winning this battle by the super careful taper! It is wisest to not drop further before stabilization. I'm following your suit holding very long.

 

Wish you continuous healing and smooth tapering!

 

Lex