Jump to content

LucaDiProspero: Risperdal: my story (living in hell)


LucaDiProspero

Recommended Posts

hello guys, that's my story (coming from Italy, sorry for bad English): I was suggested in October 2014 to take Risperdal 1mg/day for my social anxiety and paranoia...took it for 23 days from November, that day I suddenly felt a great fear of death and a 'strange void' in my head.
From that moment (23 November 2014) to present day I have had no emotions, I have lost all my interests, my mind is empty now (very slow thinking), I speak few times only to answer a question, I have no energy or motivation so I'm lying down on my bed all the day. Before taking Risperdal I had some issues with social anxiety and paranoia, but I loved going to gym, walking, thinking freely, reading and gaming. Now I don't have any desire, I also experience discomfort when eating or taking a shower. I read many posts about this like-being dead existence after taking risperdal. Please help, also jim24 your story is similar to mine, please update me on your situation...I will do the same.

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment
  • Replies 112
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • LucaDiProspero

    35

  • bluebalu86

    7

  • Altostrata

    6

  • Marta

    6

  • Moderator

Hello Luca,

 

I'm so sorry you've been through those awful drugs.

 

I know it seems strange that you still are having affects such a short time later - but it will take more time.  You were on them just a short time, and you came off them, expecting to be free right away.  But they changed your brain, and it will take time for your brain to heal.

 

You will heal.  You will have interests again.  Please be patient with yourself.

 

There is a word for what you are experiencing:  it is anhedonia.  You can read other people's experiences here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation/

 

Neuroleptics are different animals.  I don't think what you are experiencing is craving for a reinstatement.  I think you are in a deep, demotivated wave.  

 

Mindfulness distractions - like playing computer games or making things - listening to music - will help you wait until you feel like more.

 

I'm glad you found us!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I agree with JanCarol: you will eventually recover, but it can take much longer than you would expect. These are powerful drugs and they can really affect our brains.

 

I have met many people who have had experiences like yours: short use of a psychiatric drug followed by a long time of suffering from effects, much longer than anyone would expect. Usually they are younger folks. Very commonly they experience numbing and anhedonia.

 

Every one of them has eventually recovered.

 

I would also say that if any doctor ever suggests you try any psychiatric medication in the future (antidepressant, anti-anxiety, anything) that you tell them you had a bad reaction to one in the past and you do not want to take the approach of taking a pill. There are many options for therapy, lifestyle and diet changes, checking thyroid and other hormones, etc. that they can do first. If I were you I would plan to be very insistent in the future.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Just out of curiosity, what is your age?

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

Link to comment

thank you very much guys! I'm 31 and I have cried many times in the last days...the worst thing is continuosly watching time only waiting the day ends. now I'm taking zoloft, depakin and tavor. I don't know if stopping them now, maybe they are helping me a bit.

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment
  • Moderator

Oh!  That could explain your strong reaction to Risperdal.  ALL psych drugs alter the brain in some way, and you are getting pulled in many directions.  The depakin, tavor, and even the zoloft might be slowing your ability to heal from the risperdal.

 

Don't do anything yet, stay on them.  You might think about removing them later, when you are feeling better.  It is more important now for you to start feeling better.

 

But please, so that we can help, could you put your drug history in your signature?  Here is a link to help you do that.  Then, every post you make will tell us "who you are and where you have been."  

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

When I am clock watching every minute of time, I like to view stupid TV (like Ren & Stimpy and Xena Warrior Princess or the Simpsons), or videos on YouTube.  The time passes - and you may not feel it, but every day that passes, you are closer to finding your brain again.  Don't be too hard on yourself - be patient, as if you were a little child.

 

If an 8 year old came to you and said, "can I have ice cream NOW?" you would know that you cannot deliver ice cream now.  When a minute passes, the 8 year old asks again:  "Well, can I have it now?"

 

You need to distract the impatience.  You don't know how long it will take.  But not now.  Maybe next time.  Or the next.  

 

Please consider too, that alcohol and late night parties and binges in general (yes, even late night snack binges) will slow your healing time.  Working swinging shifts, or changing your sleep patterns can slow your healing.

 

Some things that might help:

 

Magnesium:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Fish Oil:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

The magnesium helps your neurotransmitters to fire better, and the fish oil "lubricates your brain" making things smoother and not so spiky.  There are other things, too, but without knowing more,, I cannot say.  SOME supplements (especially B vitamins) can be overstimulating to people in withdrawal.  But these two are pretty safe.  You can't really fix withdrawal with supplements, but you can make it just a little easier.

 

I believe that the crying is actually good, I think it means you are letting go of some of the emotions that got you into this situation.  Or that you are feeling less alone now that you are in SA. Being mindful of emotions is vitally important - not to dwell on them, just the opposite - but to say "this is an emotion", accept it, and let it go.  Like clouds across the sky - emotions come and go.  Crying can be exhausting, but it can be healing, and releasing, too.

 

Just one more link for you then I'll give you a break!!

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

 

Here you will find a number of techniques, like Mindfulness, and some other tools, like meditation or CBT, to help you with your waiting.  You can change your brain, and if you didn't like it before you went on the drugs, you will want to change it as you come off of them!  Having some practices in place will help you heal, too.  Sometimes the simplest things can have profound effects.

 

Everybody's different.  For example, I'm not big on meditation (but I will do it), but I strive to be mindful as much as I can (that's a life's work).  I cannot ride a bicycle far enough to be fun, but I take a short, 10 minute walk every day, to see the outdoors, get some light in my eyes and skin (melatonin and Vitamin D), and it's a good mood stabilizer.   I hate to exercise, but I love yoga and karate.   

 

Walking in particular is good, something about the tick-tock of our steps helps to teach the brain to heal itself.  If I were you, and worried about the time passing too slowly - take a walk.  Start with short walks, be careful not to overdo it because exhaustion is not good for you.  As you walk, engage with your surroundings, the buildings, the trees and flowers in a park, maybe the history of your home, the people on the street (I love to watch people).  Many of us have pets for that reason - they make us take walks, and it helps.

 

Sorry, I'm long winded.  I'll let you go explore those links now!

:P

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

Link to comment

Hey Luca I still cant get pleasure from anything and I also have no motivation or energy, I to just lay around and wait for the day to end only waking up in the same nightmare situation, my sleep isnt good and I have vivid dreams every night I was never like that before the drugs my thinking is much slower then it was and I do feel like dumb or fried my personality is ruined and I cant really have conversations because my mind is blank and makeing decisions is also difficult. Im in like a fog that I cant escape. I was on a high dose for 3 months but you were on a low dose for a short time im sure you will recover faster then I will the fact that you can feel sad and cry is good. Risperidone totally messed up my emotions I cant feel happy,sad,excited nothing and I used to be very emotional music used to pump me up and now music does nothing for me nothing does, its very hard. I used to be the life of the party and could talk to people and make friends, all that good stuff but now Im just an empty shell and yes it is hell I never even thought a drug could do this to anyone its very inhumane to give out these drugs to people who are not mentally ill they really do ruin lives but there might be hope for me it might take a year or two for my brain to get back to the way it was. When I look at a picture of myself from before, I do feel a sad/bad feeling and say to myself "why, how could I be like this now, who would do this to me", in all my pictures from only a year ago I had a smile on my face and you can see the spark I had I cant look at my old pics of myself now because its just to hard for me to bare and it makes me think ill never be that person ever again. I want to be back to my normal self so bad its indescribable desperate isnt evin the word. The worst thing I ever did in my life was take Risperidone I used to be out all the time now I just stay in the house I take omega 3,6,9 and magnesium at night, and I pray alot for this to end no one deserves to live like this and there is no escape, nothing stimulates me but when I have my morning cigarette I can feel alittle tiny buzz from it and I couldnt before so maybe thats progress. A good way to describe how im feeling, its like being in a deep dark hole with no escape but can see the sun and all the happy people at the top and im screaming for help, can see the good old life but cant reach it. Anyway good luck to you and I hope we all recover someday.            

took Risperidone 4mg for 3 months

Stopped Risperidone on September 12

Started Trazodone 50mg for sleep on 28 nov 2014

Stopped Trazodone 50mg on Jan 12, 2015

Ativan,2mg,clonazepam,1mg,oxazepam,15mg, tried them for sleep then stopped with no results

started Celexa 12 dec 2014 

Stopped Celexa 30 of dec fearing it would make me worse 

currently on no meds

SUPPLEMENTS that im takeing: Centrum for men,Omega 3-6-9,Max-B12,Oceans alive,Brain energizer,Magnesium trophic,Vitamin C,Panaseeda oil,Serotune

 

Psychiatry wants your soul.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

thank you very much guys! I'm 31 and I have cried many times in the last days...the worst thing is continuosly watching time only waiting the day ends. now I'm taking zoloft, depakin and tavor. I don't know if stopping them now, maybe they are helping me a bit.

 

The examples I was referring to above are of people who took only one medication and were no longer taking any other meds, so that's a different situation. I didn't realize you were on other meds as well. That's a different picture.

 

It's very difficult to say how the other meds are affecting you, but I'm certain they are. If you want to consider reducing them, please read our materials in the Tapering section, starting with this:

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?  

 

I'm not saying that you should reduce them, only that if you do, you need to do it safely.

 

I also highly recommend you get a copy of the book Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. There is an Italian translation, but I don't know the Italian title. This is an important book for anyone who is taking psychiatric meds or considering taking them.

 

Also, please fill in your signature line with your other meds and a brief med history, so other people will not make the mistake I made and give you incorrect information. Instructions on how to do that are here:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

Link to comment
  • Moderator

Hi Luca,

 

Thanks for the signature line.  That tells us a lot.

 

I see that you have had a lot of drug changes since the risperdal.  So while the risperdal may have started your problem, it has been complicated by 2-3 changes in antidepressants, and the addition of depakin (an anti-seizure medicine). 

 

I'll look at this in 3 parts:  First the resperidol.  It's an ugly little drug.  There are lawsuits around this drug in the USA (though it should never have been given to children in the first place).  It's list of side effects is overwhelming, and I'm sure that's where you started to notice that the suffering from the drug was as bad or worse than the original emotional state.

 

Then, the antidepressant changes.  Since they came out, I have been saying that it's like "finger in the brain" - you put the finger (drug) in, and wiggle it around.  Switching drugs is like putting the finger in your brain, wiggling it, pulling it out, putting a different shaped finger in, wiggling, pulling it out, and putting yet another finger in and wiggling it.  This switching of drugs is causing damage, and is probably why you feel no better since going of the resperidal.

 

Third, the addition of depakin, which I found to be very foggy, numbing stuff.  If your problem is anhedonia, uncaring, unfeeling, then this is the wrong drug for you.

 

HOWEVER, do not go off any drug because of the second one.  I think that a drug change is dangerous right now.  It is important to get stable first.  Read the article Rhi posted about 10%, that is important.  Also you might consider these two ideas:

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?  

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome/

 

And multi-drug tapering, which drug should you taper first?

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2207-taking-multiple-psych-drugs-which-drug-to-taper-first/

 

and just so you understand why it is important to be very careful, you can find out how your drugs conflict with each other here:

 

Tavor is not available in the US, so I could not check it at:  http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html

 

But here is the report from Zoloft and Depakin (known as Depakote in USA):

 

 

Interactions between your selected drugs
interaction-2-big.png sertraline ↔ divalproex sodium

Applies to: Zoloft (sertraline), Depakote (divalproex sodium)

Using sertraline together with divalproex sodium may increase side effects such as dizziness, drowsiness, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may also experience some impairment in thinking and judgment. You should avoid or limit the use of alcohol while being treated with these medications. Avoid driving or operating hazardous machinery until you know how the medications affect you. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

Switch to professional interaction data

 

Tavor would only complicate it more.

 

Take care, let us know how you are going.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Tavor is an international brand for lorazepam, a benzodiazepine

 

interaction-2-big.png lorazepam ↔ sertraline

Applies to: lorazepam, Zoloft (sertraline)

Using LORazepam together with sertraline may increase side effects such as dizziness, drowsiness, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may also experience some impairment in thinking and judgment. You should avoid or limit the use of alcohol while being treated with these medications....

 

Welcome from me too Luca, you have been given some good advice, I don't really have anything to add, but I hope you feel better soon.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Welcome, Luca.

 

(Is your screen name your real name? If so, you may wish to change it to protect your privacy. Please send me a personal message if you wish to do this.)

 

As Rhi, JanCarol, and Petunia posted, the drugs you're taking now could be responsible for your symptoms. If I were you, I would talk very seriously with my doctor about minimizing your drug burden. If your current doctor won't listen, I would find one who understood.

 

Dr. Giovanni Fava in Bologna might be able to suggest a doctor for you.

 

If you decide to reduce any of your drugs, you might refer to our Tapering forum http://tinyurl.com/42ewlrl, which contains topics about reducing Zoloft and Depakin (valproic acid). When you decide to taper Tavor (lorazepam), see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-tapering-discussion/
 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

How are you feeling now? im still the same sadly.

took Risperidone 4mg for 3 months

Stopped Risperidone on September 12

Started Trazodone 50mg for sleep on 28 nov 2014

Stopped Trazodone 50mg on Jan 12, 2015

Ativan,2mg,clonazepam,1mg,oxazepam,15mg, tried them for sleep then stopped with no results

started Celexa 12 dec 2014 

Stopped Celexa 30 of dec fearing it would make me worse 

currently on no meds

SUPPLEMENTS that im takeing: Centrum for men,Omega 3-6-9,Max-B12,Oceans alive,Brain energizer,Magnesium trophic,Vitamin C,Panaseeda oil,Serotune

 

Psychiatry wants your soul.

Link to comment
  • 5 weeks later...

As I said in the other thread nothing changed from 23/11/2014.

Anyway I'm writing this post to ask all of you an essential question for me: do you think a PET scan of the brain could reveal if some receptors are disabled or if your brain is modified compared to a normal one?

I'm asking this because I want to have a PET scan to check the status of my brain. Is it worth to do it (I'm reading it can cause cancer in the long termine)?

Thanks in advance!

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment

Luca, I'm in the same boat as you, but in my case Haldol did his to me. No emotions, no feelings, nothing.I really hope I will get back to my normal self, people say it might take up to a year to start to feel the difference. In your case it might be the additional meds that you take, they also mess up the brain chemical balance and don't allow you to heal further or feel better, there are basically the same horror stories going about antidepressants as well as neuroleptics.

jan 03, 2015 - started haldol 2 injections/day

jan 17, 2015 - off haldol

jan 21, 2015 - received a shot of haldol deconoate, 50 mg

waiting for recovery ever since

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Luca, welcome from me too. I would not waste my money on a PET scan, they do not show changes due to withdrawal and drugs, tests and scans come back fine and just make us feel even worse and invalidated.  I am saddened to see that you have had so many drugs in such a short time and agree that all these changes will have affected you. It is difficult to know which are responsible, the withdrawal or side effects.  I'm sorry I don't have anything to add to what the other moderators have said but I would avoid the scan unless you need ti to put your mind at rest that there is no actual physical damage to your brain. I always wanted tests to show abnormalities so I would know what was causing the symptoms and feel relieved but it never happened because nothing ever showed! 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hey how you doing?

took Risperidone 4mg for 3 months

Stopped Risperidone on September 12

Started Trazodone 50mg for sleep on 28 nov 2014

Stopped Trazodone 50mg on Jan 12, 2015

Ativan,2mg,clonazepam,1mg,oxazepam,15mg, tried them for sleep then stopped with no results

started Celexa 12 dec 2014 

Stopped Celexa 30 of dec fearing it would make me worse 

currently on no meds

SUPPLEMENTS that im takeing: Centrum for men,Omega 3-6-9,Max-B12,Oceans alive,Brain energizer,Magnesium trophic,Vitamin C,Panaseeda oil,Serotune

 

Psychiatry wants your soul.

Link to comment

Thank you for asking Jim.

From about a week I have extreme fatigue during all the day from morning until evening (have to stay in bed cause I can't stand on my feet for more than some minutes), feeling dizzy, slow and with my eyes closed even if I'm not sleepy. Very exausted without doing nothing, no will to speak,persistent headaches. it's horrible. From evening (6-7 PM) my tiredness is replaced by interior pain and sadness but I try to go out every day at this time for 20-30 minutes (sadness rises up seeing people who laugh and walk peacefully).

Then at 10-11 PM I'm finally able to watch TV, use my tablet and play videogames, so my pain-tiredness vanishes a bit (anyway I continue to not have any interest or desire, no spontaneous thoughts or feelings).

It's a complex day, every day...horrible till night, then a little relief. I don't even try to search an explanation for this.

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment

I feel your pain especially the seeing happy people makes you sad and it reminds me of how I used to be when I was at peace and makes me more sad that im like this now because of a stupid med I was also feeling dizzy today especially when I stand up.

took Risperidone 4mg for 3 months

Stopped Risperidone on September 12

Started Trazodone 50mg for sleep on 28 nov 2014

Stopped Trazodone 50mg on Jan 12, 2015

Ativan,2mg,clonazepam,1mg,oxazepam,15mg, tried them for sleep then stopped with no results

started Celexa 12 dec 2014 

Stopped Celexa 30 of dec fearing it would make me worse 

currently on no meds

SUPPLEMENTS that im takeing: Centrum for men,Omega 3-6-9,Max-B12,Oceans alive,Brain energizer,Magnesium trophic,Vitamin C,Panaseeda oil,Serotune

 

Psychiatry wants your soul.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Please someone also moderators...It has been months I didn't feel anything, a single feeling, a desire, some enjoyment, a window as you call it (neither watching TV, reading or playing videogame)...I need to feel something again, only for some hours, only for one hour or less.

Yesterday I had a micro-crisis: I was on the point of taking 3 or 4 or maybe 5 or more cipralex (escitalopram) 20mg tablets (I was taking months ago) in order to FEEL. Luckyly my parents saw my 'run in a mad condition' to find the escitalopram tablets I still have at home and prevented me from taking them.

Then I was ready to go out to find someone who sell illegal drugs...after some minutes I calmed myself down.

I need to FEEL, is there anything that I can take safely at least for once? I've tried smoking, drinking, running...the emptiness didn't go away not even for a moment. I don't care about other symptoms I have, but this emptiness is death for me.

I'm worried after the crisis...Docs keep telling me to take ADs again, but noone accept to give me amphetamine or similar stuff...Altostrata please I've read about doctor Fava and your partnership with him: I've contacted him some weeks ago but no answers. Could you give me an active contact? Thank you in advance guys and altostrata!

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

It's 4.40am here in italy. Not sleeping, Thinking about suicide...again...I hate this voidness, oh god what is my fault? Every day is the same...it's a week I don't go out, no will, no point, all is useless. Why doing anything? How can you guys go on? Is this life? It's like to be paralized in the mind. And I can't even cry...I would cry now

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

LucaDiprospero posted on Marta's thread 14 June 2015 - 07:57 AM


I can't understand you guys are on 5-10mg of cipralex. I was on 50mg of cipralex...so my damage is permanent, I can't believe it ... 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Just because you were on a high dose doesn't mean the damage is permanent.

 

People on much lower doses have just as bad symptoms as you do.

 

These drugs are powerful even on low doses, the brain receptors get saturated even on very low doses.

 

You have the potential to heal just like everyone else on here going through protracted SSRI withdrawal.

 

You are in early protracted withdrawal. It is not surprising that you feel so lousy. But like all of us, we have to be patient, since healing takes a long time. I know it's very hard. You are in there under your symptoms. 

 

Receptor saturation explained here:

 


Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  

Link to comment

Thank you for your words clearday. I will read carefully the link you posted; so now I'm taking only 6mg of valium a day and going to taper it soon. But seeing no improvement I would ask my doc to give me Abilify or Wellbutrin or some amphetamine to feel emotions and motivation again...do you think it's a wrong move? Should I stay med-free even with this voidness inside me? I really have no clues...

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment

I would stay medfree.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

Link to comment

Thank you for your words clearday. I will read carefully the link you posted; so now I'm taking only 6mg of valium a day and going to taper it soon. But seeing no improvement I would ask my doc to give me Abilify or Wellbutrin or some amphetamine to feel emotions and motivation again...do you think it's a wrong move? Should I stay med-free even with this voidness inside me? I really have no clues...

 

I know how bad the voidness can feel. It's very common during withdrawal. It does go away, but it can take awhile.

 

You're very early in withdrawal. So it's not unusual to feel this way.

 

While emotional numbness is difficult, it's not as bad as some other severe withdrawal problems 

 

For cases of very bad anxiety, akathisia, or paresthesia, people will try to reinstate on their original medication at a low dose to reduce those withdrawal symptoms, because they can be almost unbearable.

 

I just looked at your drug history again -

 

Sounds like you have been on so many different drugs, no wonder your nervous system has shut down, I think it is tired of how many drugs you've been throwing at it. 

 

Your nervous system has been very weakened by all these drugs, throwing an amphetamine at it doesn't sound like a good idea at all. I think your nervous system needs some long rest. 

 

Are you sure you want to throw more drugs at it, rather than give it a real chance to heal?

Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  

Link to comment

Sure, a new drug would hit me hard in my body and in my mind. But I have to add I lost my emotions in november 2014, after 4 years of cipralex and 23 days of risperdal...after that day adding or tapering drugs didn't change anything.

So all drugs I took after november 2014 are meaningless.

Please read my new signature...it explains my story in a better way.

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment

Ok. But in trying to figure out why you feel the way you do now, your recent use of other medications should be considered.

 

But I understand that you believe the Risperdal caused the acute apathy (loss of emotion), based on the timeline, and that is what you are trying to address right now.

 

I only have experience with SSRIs like Lexapro.

 

All your other symptoms are consistent with protracted withdrawal from Lexapro.

 

Don't forget, apathy is also very common with SSRI WD. I've had it for a long time due to SSRI WD, from both Prozac and Lexapro. It does go away, it can take awhile.

 

For you, we have to consider both the long-term effects of Risperdal and Lexapro.

 

The fact that all those other drugs you took afterward, that you removed from your signature (zoloft, depakin and tavor), didn't really help you, should tell you something.  Using them probably only prolonged your recovery from the effects of Risperdal and Lexapro. That's what happened to me after Prozac; I used Zoloft and Effexor for short stints, and it only prolonged my recovery. Once I got off all meds, I largely recovered. Until I went on Lexapro years later; it helped for awhlle, but in the long run it hurt me badly, once I decided to come off it.

 

And now, you want to add some other psych med so that you can feel things again. I understand.

 

I would still say that you need to let your body heal from the effects of Risperdal and Lexapro before you add other psych meds to try to help you.

 

We are all in this for the long haul of recovery from the damage these meds have caused, there usually is no easy way out.

 

What we do know, is that our bodies have a tremendous ability to heal from this damage, if only we can summon the patience and strength to ride out the year or so of time it takes to begin feeling the effects of healing.

 

Since you now know what Risperdal and Lexapro have done to you, do you want to add Wellbutrin and Abilify to that list? 

 

My main list of villains are Prozac and Lexapro, they have really hurt my life. I don't want to add anymore villains to that list, now that I finally know how dangerous these medications are. But that's just me. 

 

I think Martina's answer to you above is the best answer.

Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  

Link to comment

I know it's horrible Luca, but I would trade my symptoms with emotional blunting because the feelings of horror and terror and dread and akathisia are unbearable. You will be OK, but you need more time.

I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering

Link to comment

Thanks for your post!

Actually my original plan was: taper all meds (nearly done), wait for about six months, ask for some supplements (Omega3, Lycorice root, vitamin D), wait for other six months, ask for other meds (Abilify, Wellbutrin or other meds I found here

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/83323-answers-to-curing-anhedonianumbnessapathy-no-1/).

 

And you are probably correct in saying the drugs I took after risperdal should be considered cause they had delayed the recovery and the main problem here is the protracted WD from cipralex+risperdal.

 

But I also would quote a sentence you wrote in your main thread : 'From my experience, and after reading other posts on here, I see that Lexapro withdrawal is commonly known to cause paresthesias (tingling sensations around the body), akathisia (restlessness), increased anxiety, brain fog, depression, anhedonia, apathy, fatigue, insomnia, and tinnitus. These symptoms can come and go at any time during taper and for quite some time after full discontinuance.'

 

You see? I'm scared because symptoms like fatigue or anxiety comes and goes as you wrote, but emotional anhestesia has never lifted away. I ask for an hour of feelings, an hour! With a 'window' I could say 'okay,okay,emotions will come back. In fact they came back for an hour'. I'm losing faith, that's the truth. What if this is the new baseline of my brain? Then I've thought 'ok, let's go for abilify or wellbutrin...as soon as I feel something again I will taper the drugs immediately'.

 

It's really a mess, many options and questions. Waiting, trying a new med, a supplement, CBT, hypnosis...moreover, what happened on the 23 november 2014 inside me? why no windows from that day?

 

Well, I will wait for now! :)

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment

I know it's horrible Luca, but I would trade my symptoms with emotional blunting because the feelings of horror and terror and dread and akathisia are unbearable. You will be OK, but you need more time.

Thank you so much blue! I'm sorry for your feelings and akathisia, I'm following your thread...you are a lovely person, we all are here. I can't understand why we deserve this hell. We are stuck in time and space, it's like a coma. There is so much to enjoy out there...let's wait for that day blue, it will come!

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment

I'm scared because symptoms like fatigue or anxiety comes and goes as you wrote, but emotional anhestesia has never lifted away. What if this is the new baseline of my brain? Then I've thought 'ok, let's go for abilify or wellbutrin...as soon as I feel something again I will taper the drugs immediately'.

 

Saying that you have a "new baseline" implies that these drugs have permanently changed you. The guidelines of this forum assert that these drugs cause temporary changes, and that finally getting off them will restore us to our natural baseline, or close to it. This takes a long time, often two to four years. Your baseline is how you felt before you ever went on these drugs. Read about PAWS, or "post acute withdrawal syndrome", this principle applies to many drugs, legal and illegal. It takes years.

 

Well-managed recoveries and their success stories support that.

 

It is WAY too early in your withdrawal to  assess what your emotional and mental baseline will be.

 

Emotional numbness is a very common and persistent withdrawal symptom/adverse reaction symptom. Just because other symptoms may have lifted, doesn't mean that others won't pop up, or other symptoms linger, months after discontinuance. It is known as "morphing of symptoms". 

 

Protracted AD WD is a very lengthy, dynamic, and changing process.

 

Understanding the nature of AD withdrawal is key to getting through this: 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1008-intro-to-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome/

Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Luca, please be aware that taking a lot of drugs, such as an overdose of escilatopram, will not enable you to feel anything good. You will be very, very sick, much sicker than you are now.

 

There is no known combination of drugs that will repair you to your pre-drug state.

 

If you look at the other Intro topics, you'll see many people are in a similar situation, having been suffering for months from adverse effects from psychiatric drugs and withdrawal. One thing this condition teaches us all is patience. You must allow your nervous system to heal.

 

You and all the rest of us have suffered unfortunate accidents that should never have happened to us. It can be difficult to accept, but now our lives are in a new phase of recovery. Please read

 

Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement

 

Fear, terror, panic and anxiety: coping, reframing, transforming...

 

Mindfulness and Acceptance

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Luca, you are in  my thoughts... Feeling nothing is something unbeliavable, much worse than any other symptom. Ι don' t want to open here  a ...competition about symptoms( for everyone his symptom is the worse!)   but personally I can't compare the anhedonia/apathy with fear , panic, akathisia  etc. If you look at your children or your favourite things and feel nothing is beyond words/decription. It's so inhuman.  Someone who never experienced this thinks that we lost our emotions like it happens in natural depression. But ssri-induced apathy is something else, 1,000.000 more difficult.

Feeling fear  means I am alive!...In our case even the fear is so blunted -and especially the good emotions have disappeared. From my experience this symptom is the most serious among the victims οf psychiatric drugs.

 

I want to ask you how are you as regards your sexuality... I ask you because apathy and post ssri sexual dysfunction are very often related...if you don't  have this you are lucky in your misfortune. I cant give you good advices because I suffer from apathy and PSSD in severe degree.I understand your deep pain man.  I am on this 19 months.

Only I want to wish you  good luck and patience

4 times on SSRI'S in the past, I have never had such serious problems.

Septemper 2013-November 2013: Paxil (60mg)

After discontinuation (cold turkey):anhedonia, severe emotional anesthisia, severe PSSD.

 

xanax: daily use for 4.5 years at doses 0.5 mg -1.5mg.       taper september 2014 from 1.5mg.  

current dose: 0.87,5 mg.(8AM, 2PM, 8PM, 00-01AM)

 

Link to comment

To clearday and altostrata: thanks for your helpful info, I will try and go on without meds for now, but you said 'years'; two-four-seven years who knows? I will be 40 and (maybe) fully recovered. It's so unfair...so many life experiences lost, I have not realized yet these drugs can steal our lives more than the original issue. And every day, how many? let's say 100000 new people (children included) start to take drugs in the world without knowing they are going to destroy a part of their lives. If it's ok for you guys...

 

To ricardo7: hey ricardo, thank you! Probably you are right...in a objective way it's ok, symptoms like akathisia or insomnia are the worst because the suffering is strong; but speaking as a human being anhedonia/apathy is the worst symptom no doubt, it's on the opposite side of the line of life: as I said before we are here to feel, the entire meaning of life is to feel what there is around us and inside us (see the majority of philosophy mindset).

Feeling nothing is like living the same day again and again, eating-doing anything (all is the same)-sleeping and repeat.

 

About sexuality...I'm not lucky mate! I don't feel anything also in this field. Zero libido and no interest in women anymore (so sad).

You said you are on month 19...how can you hold on? Are you taking vitamins, doing exercise, going out, working, doing CBT?

Anyway good luck to you too and please let me know your progress!

 

PS: Did you experience any 'window' of feelings from the beginning?

March 2010/ October 2010:

Sereupin 30mg a day, EN 15 drops a day

October 2010/ 1st November 2014:

Cipralex 50mg a day (tapered to 40mg a day in August 2013), EN 15 drops a day (switched to Lexotan 15 drops a day in September 2014)

Started Risperdal 1mg a day on the 1st November 2014.

Stopped Risperdal on the 23 November 2014 because that day, after a short mental crysis, I suddenly lost all my emotions,desires,motivation and they not come back yet.

Stopped Cipralex C/T in December 2014.

Added, tapered and stopped other drugs during the following months (also a voluntary hospitalization in January 2015 for a suicide attempt)...no changes yet.

 

 

I'm med free from 3rd December 2015

Link to comment

(Don't say it's too late...I've also "lost" many periods of my life and I have more to loose in the future....but sure you'll still have good things to live ...is our sick society that imposes that you have to be well and happy 100% of your life...it's a LIE)

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (for somatic abdominal pain + reflux) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression

on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg, fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg doctor advised

05/05/2015 huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat, mild akathisia legs-feet

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here)

middle 07/2015 general improving

10/2015 start disastrous too long taper 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg .... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 0.6 mg 

1/APRIL/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 - 10/2020 MILD WAVE(mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

6/2021 - 9/2021 WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, anhedonia)  0.125g triazolam  2 times

18/03/2022 WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, PAIN in muscles and nerves, arms and right leg,cannot exercise,hard to walk) 0.125g triazolam 3 times

7/5 rein 0.1mg

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Yes, this condition is unfair to all of us. However long it takes for your nervous system to recover is as long as it takes. This is true for everyone here, you have not been singled out for special suffering.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy