☼ Junglechicken

[Junglechicken]

20 hours ago, Frogie said:

Good luck!

 

How's the family going?

 

I hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Thanks Frogie,

 

I'm ready for a break that's for sure.

 

Yesterday, I reported al, my parental issues to their surgery (spoke to a health care worker), who I hope will visit my mother; as there is so much going on I cannot make a special trip ( by train) to sort my mother out.  I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with her either.

 

I am permanently bloated at the moment (upper large intestine), and my hubby (who was on a holidays work do) rang early hrs of the morning from the station, and my heart rate sped right up as I must have fallen asleep.  It was as though I was panicked.

 

Focusing on looking after myself, or I will "fall over" physically and mentally.

 

TC,

JC xxx

 

 

[joy2730]

Hi  JC

 

sounds like you are not doing too good and your body is reacting to the stresses you are under.

 

Try to take care of yourself - have you tried a simple hot water water on your tummy if IBS is playing up?

 

Joy

[Junglechicken]

39 minutes ago, joy2730 said:

Hi  JC

 

sounds like you are not doing too good and your body is reacting to the stresses you are under.

 

Try to take care of yourself - have you tried a simple hot water water on your tummy if IBS is playing up?

 

Joy

 

Hi Joy,

 

No I'm not doing too good, having a massively stressful time.

 

Thanks for the hot water bottle suggestion, I usually just massage my tummy.

 

Hoping this stressful time will end.

 

JC

[Junglechicken]

My gut has finally calmed ........ until the next "crisis".  Read something about a woman whose doctor had insisted for years that she had IBS, when she ended up being diagnosed with Stage 4 Bowel cancer   that scared the hell out of me.

 

BUT feel proud of myself for setting boundaries and for NOT rushing to my mother's side (at her demand) to sort out her financial issues right before Xmas when we are flat-out.

 

Told my brother I was putting ME and my health first, and that I had reported my parental issues to their medical centre.

 

Dad is still in hospital waiting to be discharged to either a community hospital or hospice, but has to be assessed by a team of healthcare professionals to see if it is safe for him to go home or remain in a "care facility" due to his complex medical needs. 

 

 

[joy2730]

Glad your tummy has settled.  Cancer produces blood and a different pain and weight loss 

[Junglechicken]

7 minutes ago, joy2730 said:

Glad your tummy has settled.  Cancer produces blood and a different pain and weight loss 

 

Thank you Joy 

 

Rolling eyes, because I hate how yahoo puts stories linked to searches, so I inevitably end up with all these health "scare stories".

 

Anyway, my weight has gone the other way so have to address it in the New Year.

 

Appreciate your having putting my mind at ease.

 

Hugs,

JC xx

[Junglechicken]

Dad will be going into a nursing home. 

 

Just spoke to the hospital, and due to his variable mobility and complex care needs, he will be in better hands.

 

Fortunately, the nurse said he wasn't quite at the stage whereby he had to go into a hospice.

[apace41]

Just now, Junglechicken said:

Dad will be going into a nursing home. 

 

I know this is not ideal, JC, but I'm hoping that it will provide a level of relief so that the burden does not seem so squarely on your shoulders.

 

These are difficult things to deal with.  My thoughts are with you.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[joy2730]

Good if he is kept comfortable fed and watered and given compassionate and empathetic care he is on the very best place

Joy

[Junglechicken]

Just now, apace41 said:

 

I know this is not ideal, JC, but I'm hoping that it will provide a level of relief so that the burden does not seem so squarely on your shoulders.

 

These are difficult things to deal with.  My thoughts are with you.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

Thank you Andy, yes it will.

 

Its also a huge burden off my mother's shoulders as any "whoopsee" that happens we get called up which is highly stressful, as 9/10 she has been drinking.

 

Thoughts are with you too.

 

Best,

JC

[Junglechicken]

Just now, joy2730 said:

Good if he is kept comfortable fed and watered and given compassionate and empathetic care he is on the very best place

Joy

 

Thank you Joy, I wholeheartedly agree.

 

There have been some horror stories with some NHS run nursing homes, so I pray to God that he doesn't get mis-treated.

 

JC xx

[joy2730]

There is also a lot of good care going on in care homes as well.  The horror stories are the ones most documented.  The best thing to do is to get someone to visit your dad regularly and unannounced and at different parts of the day and weak.

 

Sadly this level of monitoring is not practical for most relatives.

 

Good care really does take the burden off families and can make the world of difference to the resident. 

 

Joy

 

[apace41]

Just now, joy2730 said:

There is also a lot of good care going on in care homes as well.  The horror stories are the ones most documented.  

 

Well said, Joy.  If care over there is like it is here (and I have no reason to think it is any different), there are MANY, MANY wonderful caregivers but the ones that are not great get all the attention.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Junglechicken]

2 minutes ago, joy2730 said:

There is also a lot of good care going on in care homes as well.  The horror stories are the ones most documented.  The best thing to do is to get someone to visit your dad regularly and unannounced and at different parts of the day and weak.

 

Sadly this level of monitoring is not practical for most relatives.

 

Good care really does take the burden off families and can make the world of difference to the resident. 

 

Joy

 

 

Well I just hope he gets the kind and compassionate carers.  He has been kind to people his whole life.

 

JC

[Junglechicken]

I hope you're both right.

 

My mother will be able to resume her routine, although I think our next step will be to get her moved out of the house and into a small apartment somewhere local.

 

JC 

[joy2730]

Hi JC

 

Please do not take this the wrong way - it is important not to meet your troubles half way - you are sounding like a glass is half empty person.  I can recognise it because I am excellent at half empty.  Eg  I have been anxious about my accounts recently and was dreading our meeting today but it went really well and he gave me some excellent advice.  My worrying was a waste of time.  I even prayed to God for help before the appointment.

 

Joy

[Junglechicken]

4 minutes ago, joy2730 said:

Hi JC

 

Please do not take this the wrong way - it is important not to meet your troubles half way - you are sounding like a glass is half empty person.  I can recognise it because I am excellent at half empty.  Eg  I have been anxious about my accounts recently and was dreading our meeting today but it went really well and he gave me some excellent advice.  My worrying was a waste of time.  I even prayed to God for help before the appointment.

 

Joy

 

I probably am Joy.

 

The trouble is I have my brother drilling me for answers about things I don't know the answer to, my mother ringing up every 5 mins in a panic.

 

Me and my husband are the ones who have kept everything (regards my messed up family) from falling apart since we married (and me before we married for many years).

 

I also pray to God for help before anything important happens.

 

Should have walked away and let the "house of cards" collapse a long time ago, then I would at least be mentally and physically healthy.

 

JC

[joy2730]

I do know how you feel - my mother was neglectful of me and to be honest my first husband abused me - my second and present husband is a good man but it has been difficult at times.   I feel unless ed in these areas of my life and they have created my problems.  There are plenty like us though

 

 

Joy

[Junglechicken]

1 minute ago, joy2730 said:

I do know how you feel - my mother was neglectful of me and to be honest my first husband abused me - my second and present husband is a good man but it has been difficult at times.   I feel unless ed in these areas of my life and they have created my problems.  There are plenty like us though

 

 

Joy

 

Yes there are plenty like us Joy, and its in our make up (or we have been trained) to "fix" everything while others sit back and wait until we have taken care of it all FOR THEM.

 

SO, I listen to my hypnotherapy CD, and brainwash myself "positively" into believing that I am "BETTER" than all the above.

 

Its down to us to DETACH and LOOK AFTER OURSELVES for once.

 

JC 

[Flowers]

Hi JC

 

Your father will be getting the care and attention he needs and you may find that your mother improves too now she hasn't got the burden of trying to look after him when in no fit state herself.

 

I am sure he will be in good hands - try not to worry about that. Joy has given you good advice. 

 

Difficult times for you so please try to look after yourself as much as you can.

 

Love from Flowers xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Junglechicken]

Thanks Flowers,

 

I'll be ok so long as I don't get hounded by my immediate family.

 

Hopefully my mother will improve, and fairly soon, we'll have to look at getting her moved out of the house they are currently in, as its too much for her.  My brother is over end Jan/early Feb, so it would be an ideal opportunity for him to "weigh in" on it all IN PERSON.

 

I'm TRYING to look after myself, lol! 

 

At least the IBS has subsided, and my appetite has returned; although my BMI was shameful  as had annual health check this morning.  Bloodwork comes back on Wednesday.

 

Love from JC xxx

 

 

[manymoretodays]

(((((((Junglechicken)))))))) 

 

Sending compassionate caregiver intentions out for your Dad. 

And glad your brother is making the trip later.  That should be helpful.

 

Tough stuff.

 

Looking after others a bit, sometimes is looking after oneself........or so I have found.  When possible.  And with limits sometimes. 

 

You're doing great!

 

Love, peace, healing/in recovery, and growth,

mmt

[Junglechicken]

30 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

(((((((Junglechicken)))))))) 

 

Sending compassionate caregiver intentions out for your Dad. 

And glad your brother is making the trip later.  That should be helpful.

 

Tough stuff.

 

Looking after others a bit, sometimes is looking after oneself........or so I have found.  When possible.  And with limits sometimes. 

 

You're doing great!

 

Love, peace, healing/in recovery, and growth,

mmt

 

MMT, I know what you mean re: "looking others a bit, sometimes is looking after oneself".  Thank you for sending compassionate caregiver intentions to my Dad 

 

I knew it would come to this, which was what I was dreading.........there really is no good outcome.  Yes, hubby and I will own our own home AT LONG LAST!

 

BUT there seems to be no end to the emotional challenges though:

 

The initial shock of my parents situation, followed by years of processing what happened, followed by my father's illness and mother's increasing mentally unstable state, and trying to re-build my life with my husband (who has had to live through all of this with me, and been relied on massively by my parents who couldn't face up to their responsibilities).  My brother's inability to accept that I am NOT the family pillar of strength, who has all the answers, can do everything for everyone while he sits back.

 

I wonder what my life is about NOW???! Job hunting, mental and physical recovery?

 

Thank you for the encouragement MMT, sometimes I wonder where my "internal compass" is supposed to point??

 

Had ANOTHER interview this afternoon - uninspiring again (one interviewer looked bored and was doodling throughout), and don't think I got across who I am and how much I wanted the job.

 

Not looking forward to the Christmas break, because of the emotional stuff:

 

Neurotic mother hitting the bottle and wanting us to do everything for her, very sick father who will either be in hospital or in a nursing home, then on to see my self-absorbed MIL who only thinks of herself and wants us to figure everything out for her.  DRAINING, SO VERY DRAINING!

 

I think working is more fun that all this.

 

Sorry, this is a very negative post.............

 

JC

 

[manymoretodays]

S'okay.  I agree.  Work, especially paid.........the great cushion er sometimes, from the rest of our lives.

 

And yes......the house!!!  And time with your hubs.....that rebuilding that you spoke of, that sounds like the positive things.

 

So many emotions........and yes........What's it all about?  Your life NOW?  More will be revealed to you, they say to me........take comfort in the not knowing.    And sometimes I can.  Sometimes I can rest assured that I am right where I am supposed to be, doing what I should be, and that somehow IT is all going to work out fine.  Pain, struggles non withstanding.

 

XOOOO

[Junglechicken]

1 minute ago, manymoretodays said:

S'okay.  I agree.  Work, especially paid.........the great cushion er sometimes, from the rest of our lives.

 

And yes......the house!!!  And time with your hubs.....that rebuilding that you spoke of, that sounds like the positive things.

 

So many emotions........and yes........What's it all about?  Your life NOW?  More will be revealed to you, they say to me........take comfort in the not knowing.    And sometimes I can.  Sometimes I can rest assured that I am right where I am supposed to be, doing what I should be, and that somehow IT is all going to work out fine.  Pain, struggles non withstanding.

 

XOOOO

 

Thanks MMT, although in my 40s I really struggle with dealing with the "unknown"; it provides no comfort anymore.  

 

Having had decades of "NOT KNOWING" what's round the corner because my parents never provided that stable platform - I was truly on my own in the world.

 

Owning a home in the UK is one form of stability, BUT then there is the financial unknown "abyss" opening up once again with parent's needing "care". 

 

I'm run down from having to think about their financial welfare and just want to focus on my own and hubby's.

 

JC xxxxx

 

[Junglechicken]

On a more positive note, I have managed to reduce my cholesterol to 3.9 from 5.6 since April!

 

Blood sugar and kidney function - normal.

 

Only thing I need to work on is being overweight.

[Junglechicken]

18 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

On a more positive note, I have managed to reduce my cholesterol to 3.9 from 5.6 since April!

 

Blood sugar and kidney function - normal.

 

Only thing I need to work on is being overweight.

 

Wow, that was a typo and a half!

 

I need to work on losing weight NOT being overweight, lol 

 

Didn't get much sleep the last 2 nights due to a certain someone's snoring..................

[AliG]

JC. As I said in my last post ~ please take care ~ you have been through such a lot and I can see you taking on far too much ~ I understand, as It also, always seemed to be my job to fix everyone and everything as well ~ it usually becomes too much and eventually breaks you down ... I'm not sure what stage you are at right now  ~ but, be careful, take care of number 1.

 

Take a step back from the drama for a second or two and ... just breathe. You can take a breath and things will still carry on regardless. I say this from the perspective of, not only having experienced it myself and also learned from it ~ but also having survived.

 

(( hugs)) Ali 

[Junglechicken]

3 minutes ago, AliG said:

JC. As I said in my last post ~ please take care ~ you have been through such a lot and I can see you taking on far too much ~ I understand, as It also, always seemed to be my job to fix everyone and everything as well ~ it usually becomes too much and eventually breaks you down ... I'm not sure what stage you are at right now  ~ but, be careful, take care of number 1.

 

Take a step back from the drama for a second or two and ... just breathe. You can take a breath and things will still carry on regardless. I say this from the perspective of, not only having experienced it myself and also learned from it ~ but also having survived.

 

(( hugs)) Ali 

 

Thank you Ali.

 

I know this is what I should be doing........ will be doing plenty of walking over Christmas to alleviate stress.  If I don't I'll explode, it'll all get too much.

 

JC xx

[Frogie]

Hi JC:

 

I haven't read your thread, so I don't know how your father is?

 

My fiancés father is holding on. We haven't heard anything. So hopefully no news is good news.

 

I posted on my thread what's been going on.

 

I hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Junglechicken]

18 hours ago, Frogie said:

Hi JC:

 

I haven't read your thread, so I don't know how your father is?

 

My fiancés father is holding on. We haven't heard anything. So hopefully no news is good news.

 

I posted on my thread what's been going on.

 

I hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Hi Frogie,

 

Thanks for asking, he is going to be transferred into a nursing home.  Tomorrow we will leave to go and visit my folks, but we will visit him in hospital each day.  Its a huge adjustment for my mother not having my father around (she was coughing and spluttering over the phone yesterday morning when she rang me as she has a cold).  At some point she will have to move into an apartment as the house is too big for her.

 

Don't worry, I've been following your thread as I automatically get updates from people on SA who I'm "following"!

 

You've done really well with renovating your bathroom, just hope you're feeling ok yourself?  I'd be hopeless at any DIY!!

 

I think I'm fighting off a virus of some kind, as hubby went down with one Tuesday night - he was exhausted and felt really cold.  This is the third cold/flu thing we've both had since Oct (I think) due to all the stress.  Having said that I didn't have the flu jab this year as last year it made me feel really "off" for a few weeks.

 

Anyway, yesterday the bank has approved our mortgage!!  We will soon own our own beautiful home   We walked into our local village and celebrated first with tea and coffee (as too early to eat), then we went to one of the pubs and had a lovely meal.  Then we walked home.

 

Going to do some baking later as we'll be meeting up with friends on the 27th.

 

Things could be worse, but am welcoming some down time.

 

TC,

JC xx

[Frogie]

5 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

 

Hi Frogie,

 

Thanks for asking, he is going to be transferred into a nursing home.  Tomorrow we will leave to go and visit my folks, but we will visit him in hospital each day.  Its a huge adjustment for my mother not having my father around (she was coughing and spluttering over the phone yesterday morning when she rang me as she has a cold).  At some point she will have to move into an apartment as the house is too big for her.

 

Don't worry, I've been following your thread as I automatically get updates from people on SA who I'm "following"!

 

You've done really well with renovating your bathroom, just hope you're feeling ok yourself?  I'd be hopeless at any DIY!!

 

I think I'm fighting off a virus of some kind, as hubby went down with one Tuesday night - he was exhausted and felt really cold.  This is the third cold/flu thing we've both had since Oct (I think) due to all the stress.  Having said that I didn't have the flu jab this year as last year it made me feel really "off" for a few weeks.

 

Anyway, yesterday the bank has approved our mortgage!!  We will soon own our own beautiful home   We walked into our local village and celebrated first with tea and coffee (as too early to eat), then we went to one of the pubs and had a lovely meal.  Then we walked home.

 

Going to do some baking later as we'll be meeting up with friends on the 27th.

 

Things could be worse, but am welcoming some down time.

 

TC,

JC xx

JC:

 

Sounds like you are taking all of this very well, even through WD. I'm really proud of you! I know how difficult it is with your mom.

 

I talked to my fiancés mom yesterday. His dad isn't taking out the trash or going across the street to get the mail, but it's been cold. He's always like that when it's cold. But he's eating like he always does, and drinking his 4pm beer. I think sometimes my fiancés brother and his wife like to over speculate on things. They have  been trying to get his parents into a retirement community for years. He didn't feel good for a week and everyone was worried, but I think he had a bug or something. He's 90.

 

You know what's going on with me so I thought I would let you know about his dad.

 

You need some down time. You've been going way too fast.

 

Congrats on the house! I just want to go home. That's what I wanted for Christmas but not this one. Hopefully next year.

 

Have a safe trip.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

 

[Flowers]

Hi JC

 

Congratulations on the house! What great news for you at Christmastime!

 

I am so sorry you will have a lot to deal with over Christmas but try to take care of yourself as well.

 

Have a safe journey!

 

Love and hugs

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

[Junglechicken]

8 minutes ago, Flowers said:

Hi JC

 

Congratulations on the house! What great news for you at Christmastime!

 

I am so sorry you will have a lot to deal with over Christmas but try to take care of yourself as well.

 

Have a safe journey!

 

Love and hugs

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

 

Thank you Flowers 

 

Much appreciate your support, its going to be a tough Christmas for sure.

 

I will be thinking of you over Christmas too, and hope your symptoms subside.

 

Love and hugs,

JC xxx

[Junglechicken]

Hope everyone had a merry Christmas?  

 

TBH, mine was not the best  spent most of it in and out of hospital.  Now I have gone down with a sore throat/cough.

 

My mother was admitted to hospital early hrs of yesterday morning as she was very short of breath, completely exhausted and cold.  She had apparently collapsed twice on Christmas Eve, before we arrived, and refused to go to hospital when I said to her i should call 999.

 

She barely ate a thing when we were there but chain smoked and drank.

 

I spent most of the night before last, waiting up for the ambulance to arrive.

 

She had to have a CT scan of her lungs - she is waiting for the results from the consultant and his team.

She has COPD (hence being very short of breath) and will have to stop smoking and learn to manage it.  She is having to wear an oxygen mask.

She has a chest infection - is on a saline drip and antibiotics.

 

Ughh! I think she will have to go into assisted living as she cannot look after herself......she was completely lost without Dad.  All the stuff we have to deal with in every day life bewilders her.

 

Over and out......am exhausted myself.

[Junglechicken]

The good news?

 

IBS has stopped, my bowels have fallen back into a "routine", lol.

 

But my throat is sore, phlegm and a cough, and I feel run down/exhausted.