☼ Pepita: Getting off Cipralex, having a very hard time

[Pepita]

True, I guess it is better to focus on external things than to run around in circles with inside topics:) 
I will give it my best today;) It´s bad luck that I am home sick with a terrible cold, it´s harder to distract myself. 

 

Is there a chance you could be pregnant? Is that your worry? 

[Pepita]

Maybe this is just the perfect time to re-invent myself  

[Mimi11]

Hi Pepita! Sounds like we are in a very similar boat. 6 months into WD over here too and was previously on 5mg of escitalopram. I'm finding months 5 and 6 more difficult than previous months. I've had a wide range of WD symptoms and most have resolved fairly quickly. I find when I dwell on how crappy I'm feeling, I end up feeling worse. Junglechicken's idea to focus on things outside of yourself is good advice. Also, going for a walk and clearing your mind, focussing outwards helps. I know it's hard though. I'm always wondering what the next wave will be like. Will I be able to go to work? Maintain normal routines? I'm still waiting for my sex drive to come back fully too. Man, I miss it. lol. Seems like it is a very common WD symptom. 

[Mimi11]

Listening to music has helped me a lot. It gives me a lot of pleasure-still. Seems to be untouched by the WD effects.

[Pepita]

Hi Mimi11, 

I feel the same way! Month 6 is really hard but altogether I think this is because the whole thing has already been going on a view months. Feels like forever (sorry to those who are in protracted WD, this must sound like nothing) - and I feel really stretched out.

 

Maybe in the beginning I was more patient or more hopeful in the sense of "recovering soon". When I try to look at the progress objectively I am definitely in a better place today than I was 4 months ago. I am physically stronger, less tired all the time, headaches are gone for now, brain fog not as thick any more, no more numbness in hands/feet. But as we are always seeking to being really good of course, everything else is in the way as well;) 

 

You are right, dwelling on feeling crappy is the worst But sometimes I just feel so sorry for myself  
I really do - as I do for everyone who has to go through this but then I pull myself out of this state and I immediately feel better. 
To do so, I usually write down all the good things going on in my life, people and things I am thankful for. 

What do you do to help yourself to get out of this "feeling sorry for yourself"-state of mind? 
 

Phew..the sex drive thing is a real bummer! Luckily I had only a view days where this happened to me. I hear that many people have sex drive issues as well when being on the drug, did you experience this? 

 

I'm always wondering what the next wave will be like. Will I be able to go to work? Maintain normal routines?

 

Yes, this is one of my main issues as well. I find it hard to relax and to feel safe when I never know what´s going to happen next - specially concerning work of course! I have the big advantage of being self-dependent, working in my own office, so most of the time I can work even when I feel at my worse because I don´t have to interact with other people. But when it comes to appointments with clients - man I am having a hard time. I hate fixing an appointment because I never know how I will be feeling on that day. I had to cancel some - and some that I went through with put me into anxious misery before. 

 

What´s your job? did you have to take time off? 
Going to read trough your thread to get a little more insight. 

 

All the best!

[Junglechicken]

No definitely not preggers Pepita - I have no sex drive, lol

 

My TOTM arrived this morning......

 

I think that being stuck inside our head is dangerous for us - I know this from having survived the last wave. What was detrimental to my sanity was the health anxiety, which then triggered the depression because I was convinced I was gonna die.

 

It's tough being on a roller coaster we cannot prepare for - scary and disconcerting.

[Pepita]

Hi Junglechicken, 

being stuck in the head is definitely not the way to go

[Junglechicken]

Hell no Pepita.

 

I end up in a tailspin back into my metaphorical hole - it's a place I hate and dread.

[Mimi11]

Hi Mimi11, 

I feel the same way! Month 6 is really hard but altogether I think this is because the whole thing has already been going on a view months. Feels like forever (sorry to those who are in protracted WD, this must sound like nothing) - and I feel really stretched out.

 

Maybe in the beginning I was more patient or more hopeful in the sense of "recovering soon". When I try to look at the progress objectively I am definitely in a better place today than I was 4 months ago. I am physically stronger, less tired all the time, headaches are gone for now, brain fog not as thick any more, no more numbness in hands/feet. But as we are always seeking to being really good of course, everything else is in the way as well;)

 

You are right, dwelling on feeling crappy is the worst But sometimes I just feel so sorry for myself  

I really do - as I do for everyone who has to go through this but then I pull myself out of this state and I immediately feel better. 

To do so, I usually write down all the good things going on in my life, people and things I am thankful for. 

 

What do you do to help yourself to get out of this "feeling sorry for yourself"-state of mind? Listen to music, go for a walk, go to the gym, spend time with friends and family. Work keeps me distracted also!

 

Phew..the sex drive thing is a real bummer! Luckily I had only a view days where this happened to me. I hear that many people have sex drive issues as well when being on the drug, did you experience this? Lucky you! I had a healthy sex drive while taking the drug. I think my sexual response may have been muted a bit, but all in all, it was good. I've had some windows with my libido recently, so fingers crossed!

 

I'm always wondering what the next wave will be like. Will I be able to go to work? Maintain normal routines?

 

Yes, this is one of my main issues as well. I find it hard to relax and to feel safe when I never know what´s going to happen next - specially concerning work of course! I have the big advantage of being self-dependent, working in my own office, so most of the time I can work even when I feel at my worse because I don´t have to interact with other people. But when it comes to appointments with clients - man I am having a hard time. I hate fixing an appointment because I never know how I will be feeling on that day. I had to cancel some - and some that I went through with put me into anxious misery before. 

 

What´s your job? did you have to take time off?

 

 

 I have occasional numbness in my hands and feet too. 

 

 I'm a teacher    ​I've been fortunate and haven't had to take time off at this point. I missed a day or two during the winter with what I thought was flu like symptoms, but looking back it could have been WD symptoms. 

Going to read trough your thread to get a little more insight. 

 

All the best!

Edited May 28, 2016 by JanCarol
fix quotes

[Mimi11]

Hopefully you can read my responses ok! It didn't post them the way I thought it would lol

[shelbytrev]

I have been feeling the same exact way. I feel lost and not sure where to turn. not sure what to do with myself . I get to thinking like maybe I should start working part time and then get this anxiety fear. The what ifs... What if it's too much? What if I can't handle it? I'm constantly thinking of ways to destract myself... Sometimes it gets old though... Just hoping it will get a little better

[Pepita]

hey shelbytrev, you are off medication since January, that´s not a long time. How have you been doing so far? Since when are you now working any more? What´s your profession? Hm, of course only you know yourself good enough to know if a part time job would be manageable. In my experience, I found no matter how hard it is sometimes to carry myself to the office, it makes me a little more grounded. Takes my mind off and I feel better altogether. But I also reduced my working hours so I still have enough time to relax. 
It will get better for sure! I have been through so much weird stuff the last couple of months and so far, everything has disappeared. Ok, other stuff has fallowed, but that only gives me prove that this is WD-related. 

What are your symptoms at the moment? 
Whatever they are - they will lessen! For sure!!!

[Junglechicken]

I'm looking forward to getting a job and being able to be in the "normal" world again, lol

[Petunia]

Hi Pepita,

I moved the topic you started in the symptoms forum to your introduction thread here because it was related to your own situation specifically. You can use this thread to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want. Please bookmark it or follow it so you can find it again.

 

The feeling of having lost connection with our self is sometimes called depersonalization and is quite a common side effect of drugs and of withdrawal. Here is a topic with some information about it.  Derealization or Depersonalization - Surviving Antidepressants

[Miko789]

hey shelbytrev, you are off medication since January, that´s not a long time. How have you been doing so far? Since when are you now working any more? What´s your profession? Hm, of course only you know yourself good enough to know if a part time job would be manageable. In my experience, I found no matter how hard it is sometimes to carry myself to the office, it makes me a little more grounded. Takes my mind off and I feel better altogether. But I also reduced my working hours so I still have enough time to relax. 

It will get better for sure! I have been through so much weird stuff the last couple of months and so far, everything has disappeared. Ok, other stuff has fallowed, but that only gives me prove that this is WD-related. 

 

What are your symptoms at the moment? 

Whatever they are - they will lessen! For sure!!!

 

Hi pepita

how do you manage with withdrawal symptoms vertigo nausea and brain fog?

[Pepita]

Miko789 luckily I never experienced nausea in my WD, except for when I started the medication as a side effect. 
As for the vertigo and brain fog - these two got much much better within the first 4 months. I am now able to concentrate on work again. 
Before it made work impossible on some days - or let´s say, really hard. There is nothing really you can do to make it better I guess except to wait until it passes. 
When it was really bad I just layed down and did NOTHING. Everything would make it worse. Watching TV, reading, talking. So I would take long breaks during a day. Doing something for 1,2 hours - laying down for 1,2 hours, etc. 

Do you work? 

When I have to work and I have strong brain fog or vertigo I tell myself that there is nothing I can do about it right now and that I will do my work as best as I can. 
I will take it slow and make breaks as much as possible. Also I tell myself that I already know that this can´t actually do anything to me. I never fainted or broke down or whatever so it is "just" a very unpleasant feeling. 

Do you have vertigo very strong? 

[Pepita]

Hi there everyone!
I just thought I would give a quick update to my healing progress. 

I am off meds 8 months now. 

Some things have continuously improved ))) Yay! 

Work:
When WD kicked in, I could not work at all many days and very little on others. 
Now I am back at my office daily for 6-8 hours, able to focus on work (some days are harder, but it´s possible;)) 
So I am very very very thankful for that! At least I don´t have to worry about my income! 
I think if I´d be working at a big agency with many people around I maybe would not be able to manage yet, but in my office it works just fine! ) 

 

Public Transportation: 

I can take the bus, tram and tube without too much annoying anxiety, sometimes feeling almost normal again;) 
Of course I still get the crazy days where I would avoid going out at all but generally this improved a lot as well. 

Work-Out: 
The first months it was impossible for me to even think about going to the gym (and I am usually at the gym every day;)) 
It was impossible, not only because I felt horribly tired, brain fog, headaches and so on - but also because I was terrified to go into a situation, e.g. a class, where I can´t leave easily, where I have to communicate to other people, some I know very well...
I just couldn´t. The last weeks I went there a view times, and most times it went really well. I can´t do boxing or kickboxing yet, but I go to yoga classes or do some light cardio. 
Last week I went to yoga three days in a row and my night sweats came back - so I still have to take it easy. 

 

Meeting friends: 
Somehow this is still the hardest part. I have my boyfriend at home and 1-3 very close friends I have no trouble seeing, but with other people I get so excited that I get a lot of symptoms still. 
Last week two friends came by, I have not seen them in 3 or 4 months. I was reaalllllyyyy happy to see them again but my nerves completely shut down. I got totally anxious, could not sleep the whole night before they came, felt extremely spaced out and depersonalzed during their visit. It´s weird. It makes me really sad that I cannot meet all the people I wish to see yet, but I will eventually. 

Generally, my mental symptoms still jump up and down A LOT. One day is ok, two days I am anxious, 2 days I am ok, 3 days I am totally depressed, and so on and so on. 

So there is still A LOT OF HEALING to happen:D 
But I am very greatful for all the improvements so far and I am more and more sure that all this will pass one day. 

 

[Miko789]

Miko789 luckily I never experienced nausea in my WD, except for when I started the medication as a side effect. 

As for the vertigo and brain fog - these two got much much better within the first 4 months. I am now able to concentrate on work again. 

Before it made work impossible on some days - or let´s say, really hard. There is nothing really you can do to make it better I guess except to wait until it passes. 

When it was really bad I just layed down and did NOTHING. Everything would make it worse. Watching TV, reading, talking. So I would take long breaks during a day. Doing something for 1,2 hours - laying down for 1,2 hours, etc. 

 

Do you work? 

 

When I have to work and I have strong brain fog or vertigo I tell myself that there is nothing I can do about it right now and that I will do my work as best as I can. 

I will take it slow and make breaks as much as possible. Also I tell myself that I already know that this can´t actually do anything to me. I never fainted or broke down or whatever so it is "just" a very unpleasant feeling. 

 

Do you have vertigo very strong? 

Hi  Pepita,

 

when I taper off seroxat by 10% the first days I have vertigo really strong then it gets subside after 4 day. The difficult hard days I have also vertigo and dizziness but after it goes away.

 

regarding your question I got a job part time 4h/day as a salesperson

 

do you drive?

[Pepita]

Miko789 I imagine it really hard to work in Sales in WD  
I don´t have a drivers license and I am sure it would not have been a good idea to drive on many days where I found it hard to concentrate and when the brain fog was heavy. 
 

[AliG]

Pepita.  Thank you for that positive update.       I'm sure there will be a few more bumps in the road , but given your positive outlook and disposition , I think you will be fine, and can look forward to some very bright windows.  I understand about the gym - some days , you just can't go there. However, that's ok . It's part of knowing your limitations, at this time and working within those parameters. To push too hard can be distinctly unhelpful. One day soon, we'll be there again ! 

Ali

[Pepita]

AliG. Oh yes, there will be bumps for sure:D After 8 months of mostly pure suffering I let this desperate hope that "this was the last wave" go. There are still little bumps daily you could say...situations where I still feel far away from normal - but in general I can see a huge progress so that's awesome. Yesterday I went to a general practitioner for a regular annual health test and I talked to him about my withdrawal. He confirmed that quitting AD´s can lead to all those typical symptoms I described. He also said that the nervous system and the chemistry in the brain takes a long time to heal, at least 1,5 years. Of course, everybody in this forum already knows this;) But I was really happy to hear it from some doctor at least (after so many that told me this is impossible). He congratulated me for going through this hell and did not advise me to do anything else. He showed me a shelf full of AD´s and said that Pharma people come every other day, bringing him all kinds of AD´s he never prescribes. At least there are some decent doctors. 

[bubble]

Meeting friends: 

Somehow this is still the hardest part. I have my boyfriend at home and 1-3 very close friends I have no trouble seeing, but with other people I get so excited that I get a lot of symptoms still. 

Last week two friends came by, I have not seen them in 3 or 4 months. I was reaalllllyyyy happy to see them again but my nerves completely shut down. I got totally anxious, could not sleep the whole night before they came, felt extremely spaced out and depersonalzed during their visit. It´s weird. It makes me really sad that I cannot meet all the people I wish to see yet, but I will eventually. 

 

Generally, my mental symptoms still jump up and down A LOT. One day is ok, two days I am anxious, 2 days I am ok, 3 days I am totally depressed, and so on and so on. 

 

So there is still A LOT OF HEALING to happen:D 

But I am very greatful for all the improvements so far and I am more and more sure that all this will pass one day. 

 

As another Lexapro victim I have caught up with your thread the other day and wanted to say hi.

 

I have a much more complicated history than you and my last escapade is mostly due to Xanax but what you wrote in that updates resonates so much with me. Especially this part with meeting friends. I was struggling with finding words to describe what happens. It is exactly as you say. I have been out of teach and in minimal contact even electronically for months and I miss and look forward to seeing them. But then quite soon I get, as you say extremely spaced out and depersonalised. I have to limit the interaction and it seems I should only spend an hour with them because anything over that depletes me. And I get carried away and don't even notice that a few hours have passed.

 

Working, transportation and working out is also very similar to what you are describing as well as the feeling of gratefulness for the improvements and hope in seeing even more progress.

 

I see that you ask people about what they do. I tell everyone I sit in an office (and write lots of reports, sometimes go fo meetings or give presentations and go on business trips. I had to cancel all business trips in the past 7 months). This kind of work is hard for soembody who is struggling badly with concentration, focus and general restlesness but it also gives me a lot of space for zoning out when I run out of energy. I don't think I would be able to cope in a different environment. And at the weekend I ocuppied myself with digging in the garden and noticed something interesting: my brain was struggling badly to focus on digging as well. I had to stop all the time but would go back and as time passed I managed to ease into the moment and be more present and less restless. This combination of moderately strenuous physical activity and focusing calmed me down a lot so I look forward to more digging therapy this weekend Sometimes I think that doing soemthing with my hands and body, being physically active would make things a lot easier for me than this sitting...Especially as my brain is so depleted after work that I have to lie down and switch off completely after work. 

 

What your doctor told you is totally amazing! Maybe things are finally starting to change and we are closer to the day when doctors finally realise their patients have been right all along (but that would entail admitting they were wrong at the same time and harming them...)

 

I still have such a long way to go and I won't be tapering any time soon but reading updates such as yours is very encouraging.

 

Wish you lots of healing!

 

Bubble 

[Pepita]

Hi Bubble! 
thank you for your message.
I wanted to quote, but my browser is acting silly today, so I will do it like this: 

"But then quite soon I get, as you say extremely spaced out and depersonalised."

Yes, this is really weird but I guess it must be the nerves. It doesn´t matter if you get excited through a negative or a positive input- your nerves react, so I guess that´s why our bodies react that way. AS you say, I start to feel spaced out and DP when I meet people I am happy to see, and sometimes my palms and feet start to sweat cold   

 

"I have to limit the interaction and it seems I should only spend an hour with them because anything over that depletes me."

Oh, so you don´t calm down with the time, it gets worse? You feel more exhausted the longer you talk to somebody? 
 

"Working, transportation and working out is also very similar to what you are describing as well as the feeling of gratefulness for the improvements and hope in seeing even more progress."

I never thought that I would be pleased my such little things like: I am happy I went to the supermarket today like a normal person  

 

"I see that you ask people about what they do. I tell everyone I sit in an office (and write lots of reports, sometimes go fo meetings or give presentations and go on business trips. "
Wow - you`re able to give presentations???    That´s great! Is it really hard every time, or does it vary? Did you have to take some time off altogether or did you work all the time? Congrats anyway - I am not sure that I would have been able to handle this, specially in the beginning. I am self dependent, I don´t have to have appointments often and I still had to cancel a view. I imagine businesstrips impossible So your employer knows about your conditions I figure? 

 

"Sometimes I think that doing soemthing with my hands and body, being physically active would make things a lot easier for me than this sitting..."

Yes, that´s the same for me - except for meditating. Meditation helps me a lot but sitting around on the sofa alone, doing "nothing" - or even worse - having ruminating thoughts is the worst. Something physically definitely helps to calm the mind automatically. Just not too much;) It´s all like balancing on a very thin rope. 

 

Yes - I was very very happy with my doctor´s statement. I have been to quite a view neurologists so far, everyone denying WD and risks. 
So finally, I found somebody who admits this. And I guess for him it is easy to admit, because he always had that opinion and never prescribed them easily (or ever, I don´t know). 
 

"I still have such a long way to go and I won't be tapering any time soon but reading updates such as yours is very encouraging."

That was why I wrote this update. I love to read happy outcomes and positive updates and stories because it gives me strength and more and more hope. 

And yes, I read your legend, your story is far more complicated than mine but it seems to me that you are on the very best path now. I guess it does not matter how long it takes. The important thing is that you are lessening the bad influence in your system and one day you´ll be completely free of everything This is what I am looking for the most: When all of this is over, I will be happy...and I will know that I am happy BECAUSE I AM and not because I am influenced by something. I am really looking forward to this time (and I have many more days compared to a view months earlier where I feel pretty good already). 

So I will read through your threat right now and I wish you all the best and lots of healing too! 
 

[bubble]

Hi Pepita,

 

I still don't know how to quote properly so I will do it like this

 

It doesn´t matter if you get excited through a negative or a positive input- your nerves react, so I guess that´s why our bodies react that way.

 

Yes, that's exactly the case. Our CNS is so raw that it finds any stimuli too much to handle, both positive and negative.

 

Oh, so you don´t calm down with the time, it gets worse? You feel more exhausted the longer you talk to somebody? 

 

Yes, again. More interaction means more stimuli and overstimulation. I need all the downtime I can get and los of isolating...
 

I never thought that I would be pleased by such little things like: I am happy I went to the supermarket today like a normal person  

 

​Exactly! You start appreciating life so much more...

 

"I see that you ask people about what they do. I tell everyone I sit in an office (and write lots of reports, sometimes go fo meetings or give presentations and go on business trips. "
Wow - you`re able to give presentations???    That´s great! Is it really hard every time, or does it vary? Did you have to take some time off altogether or did you work all the time? Congrats anyway - I am not sure that I would have been able to handle this, specially in the beginning. I am self dependent, I don´t have to have appointments often and I still had to cancel a view. I imagine businesstrips impossible So your employer knows about your conditions I figure? 

 

​No, my employer doesn't know about my condition. Although they probably suspect something. Officially my trouble are due to my GI issues and general immune problems, frequent UTIs.... Back in January I was convinced I would never again be able to work. I took 2 weeks of sick leave and then used 3 weeks of my annual leave. After that I returned but every single day was a struggle and once a week I would stay at home and once a month take a week off sick on various pretexts but also UTIs. I haven't been able to give a presentation since December. I will try net week but I'm scared and not sure if my brain will be able to handle it... 

 

"Sometimes I think that doing soemthing with my hands and body, being physically active would make things a lot easier for me than this sitting..."

Yes, that´s the same for me - except for meditating. Meditation helps me a lot but sitting around on the sofa alone, doing "nothing" - or even worse - having ruminating thoughts is the worst. Something physically definitely helps to calm the mind automatically. Just not too much;) It´s all like balancing on a very thin rope. 

 

Exactly again I also started doing short mindfulness meditation regularly and find it very important.

 

My thread is boring

 

Your history is short and simple so you should be better before long. Lots of healing

 

[JanCarol]

Hey Pepita - it's good to see how well you are doing, overall.

 

The friends, the kickboxing, they will come back if it is important to you.  I love karate, but it was my hand that got injured - so I have had to manage my mood without going and kicking and punching stuff - great for getting those negative emotions out!

 

Would you like to recommend your doctor to:  Recommended doctors, practitioners and clinics ?

[Pepita]

Hi everyone, 

I just wanted to check in and give you an update because I recently experienced something that surprised me (still after all these months of weird experienced;)) So I have been doing really well the last 2-3 weeks it seemed like every day I was improving, doing more and more stuff that I usually do and it felt really good. I have been thinking about getting a dog for almost 10 years now and I decided to finally go for it. So last Saturday we drove to a breeder I have been in contact with for quite a while. The night before going there I already noticed that I was feeling very hyper, over-excited and that it was sort of overturning into feeling down. As soon as we walked into the breeders door and I saw all the puppies the sympotms started to get mostly physical really strong. I got a headache and felt that everything was just "too much". There was only one puppy left and she is perfect but I freaked out. I told the breeder that I would think about it and tell her the next day if I´d take her. From the moment we left the breeders home my head started turning and turning, I was ruminating about the dog and feelings and thoughts were building up to the point where I felt like I had a fever and I started shaking. It was like a happy nervous puppy shock. I did not sleep for 3 nights and I felt like a walking ghost. I decided to take the dog by the way because I know that this wave will be over again when my nerves calmed down but I observed once again how vulnerable and open my nervous system still is. It´s totally crazy I did not think that such a happy occasion would throw me into another such strong wave but here I go. This happened one week ago and I am still shaky but a bit better:) I hope that within the next 10 days I will calm down a bit instead of getting more and more excited I´ll get her on 21. of June and I hope that I will be able to go-otherwise my boyfriend will get her on his own but actually I don´t wanna miss picking her up. 

Greetings to all of you, I hope you are coping well:) 

[Miko789]

Hi Pepita,

 

Good to see how well u are doing.

did you get that puppy?

How did u manage with being excited about it?

 

 

 Kind wishes

M

[Pepita]

Hi there, 

Miko, I did not see your post, otherwise I´d have answered earlier. 
I did get the puppy. Which threw me waaaayyyyyy back in my WD:((((( First I was so excited. Now I have the puppy and it´s soooooo much more work than I thought it would be. I mean, I knew it would be, I just did not know how much it would affect my everyday life - specially in WD process. Honestly, I am feeling horrible since 2 weeks. So many symptoms are back, I am nonstop ruminating about if I am able to handle the dog or not, many nights I can´t sleep because I am hearing her move and think she needs to go wee or something and I am sooooooo damn tired. A huge wave of depression and anxiety is back. Trouble is, I can´t say what´s WD-related and what´s "normal" due to the life change and sudden responsibility. Before I had all the time I needed to take care for myself and recover. Now I don´t have any time for myself, my boyfriend or anything because I feel so stressed out about going somewhere with the puppy and watching after her. It has been my wish to get a dog all my life and I honestly though that this would help me to recover quicker because I´d have a distraction from myself and all those WD-troubles. I did read in some forums that there is something called a "post puppy depression" that seems to be quite common for people adopting a dog but I am just sooo pissed off that I am having such a throwback. Altogether I somehow regret getting her because I feel so horrible. I even had suicidal ideation which I never had before in my WD. On the other hand I feel love for her and I don´t think I could forgive myself for giving her up. I just feel soooooo depressed, physically and mentally tired and I HATE this so much at this point  

Sorry for this negative post I just feel really bad at the moment:(((((

[Pepita]

Is anybody out there? I am so looking forward to some responses!
 

[Swede]

Hi Pepita! I wish i never started cipralex back in 2013, it was the worst out of those 4 antidepressants i tried. Horrible inserting, gave me symptoms i couldnt believe was possible. Stayed on it for 1 year then 4 month tapering and now 17 month out. I wish things were alot better. Been taking too high dose of thyroidmedicine last two months, giving me hell x 10. Im sorry i dont have anything good to say but I can relate to your struggle from this nasty drug.

 

Take care!!

[bubble]

Hello Pepita,

 

Things will settle down I'm sure. I've never had a dog to care of but it seems you worry too much. Things don't have to be perfect. It will survive even with less care and attention.

 

Have you ever done any talk therapy? This looks like domething were CBT might be very useful for exploring certain patterns. Let us know how things continue.

[ChessieCat]

Here are some links:

1. Change cognitive framing - Redirect - Another Way
2. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, depression
3. Cognitive Behavior Therapy lessons

[Pepita]

Hi there, thanks for your links and words. 

@ Swede: I saw in your signature that you took 3 other meds before Cipralex. Why did you change those so quickly? Did they not help or did you have too many side effects? Cipralex is horrible. I´d so love to know what kind of person I would be today if I never stepped into that one doctor´s praxis who prescribed it to me. Well. There´s nothing one can do but either survive getting off them or start taking them again. 

 

I was on my way to getting sooooo much better before I got this puppy. And then all the excitement and stress put me right back in hell. 

I so hope that this will get better because this time I can´t simply concentrate on myself, relax and take it easy. A puppy is much much much more work than I ever thought it would be (though I was top informed, read a lot of books, talked to dog owners). I just want to enjoy my life again!

 

@bubble: you are right, I worry 24/7 - and I know that I shouldn´t - which stresses me even more. Because I just don´t know how to calm down at the moment. My minds racing day and night and I condemn myself for thinking that I was already healed enough to be ready for a puppy. My recovery was on a really good way, I made huge steps forwars. Working again, meeting people, starting to train. And getting a dog was a huge wish of mine since I was a kid. So I thought that with my recovery coming along so well that this would be just the thing to reinforce my healing even more. But just like so many other things in WD before - like meeting people I really like ended in being super anxious or depressed - this "happiness seemed to be too much for me". 

I am working on a week´s plan so that I can get back on track again. Because at the moment I am so down that I end up doing NOTHING besides walking and training the dog. I feel so detached from myself and my normal life, it´s horrible! I do want to arrange therapy sessions again yes! Just waiting to get some response on the timing! 

[Pepita]

Hi FSL, I know what you mean! I felt much better at 5mg Cipralex as at 10 for example. I reduced to quickly in the end, so my WD was relatively intense. End of August I will be off 1 year and I made huge progress until I got the puppy  

[AliG]

Pepita.  I'm sorry that you're struggling. How many months is it since you quit the drugs ?  I'm thinking that you might just be in a wave and the focus of your attention is on the pup. You might be feeling low even without the pup , is my point .

 

I found at all the 6 month points that I had a severe wave or three ! LOL.

6/12/18 /24 month waves for some reason can be intense . Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately , there is nothing to do but go through them. We don't have the option of updosing or tapering. I used to think this was a disadvantage but I've come to see that it's actually a blessing because you just have to get through it and it makes you more resourceful , at the end of the day.

 

Could you perhaps update your signature , so that we can see how long it's been off the drugs ?

Ali 

[Pepita]

Hi AliG, 

that´s what my boyfriend keeps telling me. He thinks this is a wave with the focus on the puppy. Yes, could be. I mean, generally I think that most people would feel their stress levels rising when having to take care of a puppy. BUT in my "special case" of WD and waves and sensibility to stress - this has thrown me into a huge wave. I really don´t know but I find it hard to believe that all this depression ")U$=)"§" is caused by just the pup. 

 

I just updated my signature. So you can see, I am off Ciralex since a year now.