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SpartanLeroy: My wife isnt the person i married anymore


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Hello I am new to this place and found it when looking for an answer as to why i am in the situation i am in now. I have been married to my wife for 3 years and known her for about 5. This woman is everything to me and I was everything to her. I was in the military and we got married when living with her family in NY state.


When i was medically discharged from the military i wanted to move back to my home in SC. She came with me but it did affect her. I expected as much a big move like that is hard on anybody. She was depressed and just sad for a few months. She started to have these headaches and went to the doctor about it. she was perscribed Nortriptyline HCL 10mg capsules taken once a day for the headaches. Well when they didnt go away the doctor increased the dose to 3 pills at night all at once. She was still depressed and the headaches still happened but she never went back to the doctor for them.


As time moved on i noticed small changes in her attitude and behavior being confrontational and easily agitated. At first we thought it was her birth control because she had issues with it. We switched the birth control and it fixed the issues associated with it but the behavioral changes stayed there. i thought it was still about the move and the stress of it all but it just kept going. She wanted to move home so bad and after a year of living in SC on a trip to see her family in NY i decided we can move back because i just wanted to see her happy again. We started making plans to do so and everything seemed fine.


A week or so after we where talking about having a baby and this is something she has always wanted but i said lets wait till we are back in NY to do that and she said she didnt want to move back she wanted to stay in SC. She hounded me for a whole year about moving and all of a sudden she wants to stay. After the argument we made up like usual we never go to bed angry with eachother.


She has been the kind of person to always say divorce was never an option that we will always work through it. at the beginning of the August she said she wanted a divorce out of nowhere. The days before there where no signs of this she seemed normal like everything was ok. But she asked for the divorce and said she would pick up the papers a day or so after. Come to find out she didnt even know the laws surrounding it she thought she could just get a paper and sign it and boom we are divorced. She didnt have any place to go and to this day still lives with me. She told everybody she had been planning it for months but her actions prove otherwise.


I have been trying to find out what is going on and what caused all of this but every person she tells the story to it changes she isnt telling the truth and she never lies especially to her parents. She has this new interest in other men and posting pictures on facebook she shouldnt be and constantly talking about how i ruined her life.


I did some more digging and decided to look into this drug. I have read over 40 different storys and articals on this reaction and its so alike to whats happening to me its scary. I called the doctor and told her my concerns about what is going on and she said without her coming in herself they cant stop the medication.


I need help i cant lose my wife to a pill. an addition to this i want to make is it seems she has these small moments of clarity and she talks to me like everything is fine and normal then a bit later it back to one word answers and silence.

Edited by scallywag
inserted paragraph breaks, tags added
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  • Moderator Emeritus

hello SpartanLeroy -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)
I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us. Your wife's changes are clearly very distressing for you.

The purpose of SA is to provide people with information to safely taper off antidepressants and other psychiatric drugs.

Perhaps the most critical factor in tapering success is your wife's desire to get off noritriptyline, as your wife's doctor told you.  Please see Before you begin tapering


You may wish to read topics in the Relationships forum where there are others in the same situation as you.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here

scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Before i can do any of this though i need to talk to her and voice my concerns about the medication. She sees nothing wrong going on here. How do i start that discussion without her thinking i am just grabbing at straws to keep our marriage?

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When I was preparing to talk with my husband I wrote down all my thoughts so they were organized and I didn't forget anything. I took notes from others stories that I felt were relevant and I made a list of changes that I had noticed since the medication began. For me, writing things down really helped bc it's an emotional conversation so it helps keep you on track. Also, your spouse can reread it as well. I also made sure to tell him that I did not want him to feel like I was attacking him because I wasn't, I just wanted to make him aware of what I saw going on.

Supporting my husband

-He was prescribed 40mg fluoxetine in May 2016

-He began experiencing mania & other negative side effects in June 

-I did not realize what was happening until August

-Doctor recommended coming off the medication and he did a fast taper (we didn't know any better)

-30 days off the medication was Sept 20 2016

-So far no withdrawal symptoms that he or I have noticed

-Still noticing some changes in his behavior that haven't gone back to "normal" 

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