My Cymbalta story by lundeliz

[lundeliz]

Thank you petunia. I appreciate your explanation of what's happening

 

and it makes sense. My wave continues and the extra stress continues

 

with company here to entertain and cook for. I'll try to find a way to

 

minimize the stress when possible. It's amazing how sensitive our

 

nervous systems are to any extra stress and how long it takes to

 

rebound. I wish we could live in a stress free world while we are healing.

 

I think it would reduce our recovery time. Thank you for taking time to

 

stop by my thread and offer encouragement.

[lundeliz]

Thanks CW. I think waiting it out is my only safe option. With my

 

sensitivities, I'm not willing to do any experimenting around with

 

drugs. Thank you for checking in. I appreciate your support and

 

encouragement.

[lundeliz]

Just want to report a day with no akathisia. So thankful! That makes two

 

days this week. Feeling hopeful that the windows will keep coming. Still

 

have other symptoms, but to be without the pacing and agitation for a

 

whole day was such a relief.

[Pugknows]

Hi Liz. Hugs to you. Happy to hear about the akathisia decreasing. It's my worst symptom. Did you do anything different?

[SelmaLady]

Just want to report a day with no akathisia. So thankful! That makes two

 

days this week. Feeling hopeful that the windows will keep coming. Still

 

have other symptoms, but to be without the pacing and agitation for a

 

whole day was such a relief

 

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!   This made my day  (not to mention YOURS!)   Just want to encourage you to take things very slowly and gently and not worry now about taking care of others.  I can see that you are a nurturer for sure, but right now its so very important that you protect your very fragile nervous system.   I know its hard when others can't actually see how fragile you are, but please do insist on being on "sick leave" for now, ok?   Am praying for you.  So so grateful that you're seeing improvement again. 

[luv2knit]

Yay! That's awesome!!

[lundeliz]

Thank you all so much. No, Pug, I didn't do anything different. Each day

 

is just different right now. I still don't have the pacing today, and agitation

 

is mild. I do however, feel like I have been hit by a truck, fatigue and weakness,

 

sore muscles. Still very thankful for the decrease in agitation though. Very

 

wise advice SL, and I will try to heed that.

[lundeliz]

Well, the window I reported on March 14 lasted for ten whole days! Ten days

 

without akathisia. It wasn't a total window of feeling completely normal, but

 

no akathisia, just some mild agitation a couple of times. The window seems to

 

have closed today, all symptoms are ramped up, with moderate agitation throughout

 

the day. I'm hoping it won't get as severe as the last wave and if it does, I

 

hope I will remember that nice window.

[SelmaLady]

Your window is a promise of what's coming.  These bad days are on their way OUT.  So sorry tho that you have to get through a bit more recovery.   Just take really good care of yourself and let it heal. xoxxo

[luv2knit]

(((Liz))) Hold on--and remember that window! Ten days--that's awesome!! It will come again!

[lundeliz]

Thank you SL and L2K. The window already seems long ago. A difficult

 

day, with head pain and pressure, and tonight a tight chest with a racing

 

heart. The racing heart is sort of a new symptom for me. Very scary.

 

I don't understand all this at all. Just got to find a way to get through

 

it. Thank you for the encouraging posts. I hope for nice long windows

 

soon for all of us.

[lundeliz]

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Couldn't sleep tonight with the racing heart,

 

etc. Got up and went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. There stuck

 

to my neck was a big tick!! I'm just freaking out. I treated Lyme disease for three

 

years. Normally I would go to the Dr. and take doxycycline. I am not tolerating any

 

meds now so I just don't know what to do. I realize all tick bites don't mean Lyme

 

disease. But in my present state of mind and already having had it, I am in quite a state.

 

Well that was enough to get the akathisia going so I'm up pacing. Just had to get

 

on here and rant. Feeling like I will NEVER get well. Stuff just won't quit happening.

 

Grrrrrrrrrr

[luv2knit]

Ugh... Yes, we have lots of ticks here too. Never had Lyme's, though. I'm sensitive too, so I definitely understand. Praying that everything will be ok!

[Pugknows]

Praying for you Liz.

[SelmaLady]

If it was a big tick, it wasn't a deer tick which is what carries Lyme.  It was most likely a "dog tick" and is harmless.  As long as you cleaned the spot where it attached, should be no problem.  I have had the same experience, a brown tick stuck to my neck!  Deer ticks are very small and black and are hard to see.  I would just watch to see if there's any redness in the area.  Also, doxycycline can have less of a system upset than other a/b's if you do need to take it.  How awful to have to that happen right now though when any stress can have an effect on you.  Will surely be praying that your system calms down soon. 

[lundeliz]

Thanks guys. SL, thank you for the reassurance about Doxy. I don't

 

know if I should go to the Dr. for some or not. Don't want to go, don't

 

want to take the meds. But really don't want Lyme either. Hmmmm

 

I want it all to just go away! I'm sorry, I want it all to go away for all

 

of you!! So tired of even thinking about it. Hang in there everybody,.

 

One of these days we can stop thinking about this whole mess.

[felin]

lundeliz,

 

Reading just the last 2 pages of your thread has just hurt my heart sooo much for you. My heart just goes out to you.

 

Though I've not yet started my Cymbalta taper, I have some of the symptoms that you do. I believe that it is from being ON anti-depressants'. Ugghh!!

 

I am so impressed with your determination. Even though you are beyond miserable and feel hopeless at times, you continue to move forward. That gives me hope!

 

Tonight I laid in bed (and then got up) with my husband snoring right beside me thinking to myself, "Noone, not even he gets the deep torment that I am in and how debilitating this all is".  Just trying to get out of the house to go and buy stupid eggs for him creates soooo much anxiety in me. These drugs have turned me into someone I never was. I used to be a total extrovert and can hardly even leave my own house now without overwhelming anxiety. So bizarre!

 

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Though I am not happy about your misery, there is some comfort in knowing that, FINALLY, I am not alone!

 

I sincerely pray that this "chapter" that you are going through currently will soon begin slowing way down and then come to an end.

 

Am I understanding correctly that you have been completely off of Cymbalta since Dec. 2013?

 

Blessings to you. Keep hangin in there!! You are SO not alone! <3

[lundeliz]

Hi felin. Thank you so much for the encouraging words. You are very smart to

 

be researching and learning before you start your taper. You can get off the

 

Cymbalta. You'll find good support and guidance from the caring people here.

 

Yes, I've been off Cymbalta for 16 months. I think I made a mess of tapering

 

off. But, I'm off now, and I'm determined to hang in there to see it through.

 

I think you will do a smarter taper, and probably have less problems. Thank

 

you so much for the good wishes. Good luck to you starting your taper. Be sure

 

to stick around and let us know how you are doing. Best wishes to you.

[lundeliz]

I'm in a new wave and akathisia is relentless. After my last bad

 

wave, I had a 10 day window without the akathisia, then a couple

 

of weeks with mild akathisia. Now back in full force. I hope the

 

window means this stuff will eventually go away for good. Please!

[felin]

lundeliz - Thank you.

 

I pray that all of these severe symptoms that you are having subside very very soon!

 

Good for you for continuing to hang in there!!

[lundeliz]

Thank you for the support felin. It's appreciated. Such a very hard day

 

but it will eventually pass. Appreciate the prayers.

[lundeliz]

Feel so incredibly sick and scared. I just don't understand why it has gotten

 

so severe at 16 months out. Isn't it supposed to get easier at some point?

 

I ended up taking a Vistaril to sleep and slept about 6 hrs. The body tension

 

when I wake grips me tight. Head pain and pressure, nausea, fear. I feel the

 

akathisia ramping up, trying to stay in bed as long as I can. It's so hard to

 

keep believing this will go away when it just keeps getting worse.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Liz,

 

I did not get protracted wd until I was off the drugs for a little more than a year so it is not unusual to see this happen.

 

Can you keep hanging in there?

 

I was pretty sick for a long time but eventually my physical symptoms greatly subsided. Be careful taking anything for sleep. You can get better if you rely on rest. I had to do that for a couple of months when I could not sleep. My body made adjustments and it worked out well.

 

Drugs are drugs, the body functions a lot better without them, is my thought.

[lundeliz]

Thanks C.W. for the reassurance. Yes, I will keep hanging in there. I do

 

hate taking the Vistaril, but give in to it occasionally. I agree that

 

taking anything that affects the nervous system probably isn't a good idea.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I've got it somewhere in my thread and I copied my interpretation of how the body heals from wd syndrome to the 'Best of SA' thread too.

 

It is always working to heal, to come to homeostasis (good working together is another term for this, the body systems get along good with each other.)

 

The body works on something that is out of whack and while it does this, other stuff goes out of whack and we feel this. Then it rights itself and we feel good for a while till it goes too far in the other direction. So the body has to bring it back and it maybe overshoots the mark. The next time it might not overshoot by so much and the 'wave' is not quite as intense.

 

Or the body is working to settle another system and the wave, when it comes, is 'different'.  

 

Back and forth, always working. We don't usually notice anything until there is critical mass, things have readjusted far enough for us to see a change. We often don't like the change but the body has to go through it to get to where it needs to go.

 

Think of a bark to the shins. Hurts like hell and you get an ugly scab for a while. You hate the scab but your body has to go through this step to plug the hole in your skin. Then it falls off and you get an ugly scar. But it has to go through this step to get to the place where the scar is not quite so noticeable. You always get scars when chunks of body go missing. But after years and years, they fill in and don't look as bad.

 

Same thing with wd syndrome. The body has no road map for an 'elegant recovery' but it does know how to get the job done. We have to go along for the ride and do our part not to interfere by getting as much 'rest' as we can, eating good food, drinking lots of water and getting some exercise. Sitting outside for a bit every day is always a good idea too. Shoes off, toes in the sand, thinking good thoughts.

[lundeliz]

Thank you C.W. This makes sense and I pray that's what's happening. A month ago

 

I was going through a similar horrible wave and you saw me through that one. The

 

wave finally lifted and I had a good window. Now it's back, and I'm trying to

 

remember that it lifted before and will again. These waves have gotten so bad,

 

worse than ever. Just have to find a way to get past it. Thank you so much for

 

taking the time to help me.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I am not sure it is so much that the waves have gotten worse but maybe it is your response to them that is changing. It is always much harder when you have periods of feeling good only to feel bad again. That is why I don't really like the way a lot of people treat the windows and waves analogy: they pray for windows and revile the waves. Not good. It is meant to explain the ebb and flow of symptoms in the body and to educate people to the fact that things change all the time. So it is kinda like 'don't get attached to EITHER ONE because they will be changing'.

 

No rule says that healing is a linear progression from bad to better either. Good and bad are subjective anyway. I looked at it as something to be gotten through whether it was bearable or not. And some stuff, when I look back on it, was pretty darn bad. Akasthisia was awful but here's the thing: IT WENT AWAY. Even when I did not know when it would, it went away.

 

And has not come back as yet. But I am not going to take any more drugs, not taking any more chances.

 

Did you ever think you would have 10 days feeling better?

[luv2knit]

Sorry you're in another wave, Liz. I have not been around as much, because I have a respiratory virus now on top of WD, and that is making things worse. Hope you feel better soon!

[lundeliz]

Thanks L2K, I sure hope you feel better soon too! Yes, CW the ten day window

 

was a good surprise. I still had symptoms, but the akathisia was gone and

 

the others not as severe. I think the idea that a window will come helps

 

to get through these waves.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Ah but here's the rub: when things change (like the ak went away for me) I got something else: the depression.

 

So it's all relative until it all goes away. So the only thing to do is to stay with it.

[luv2knit]

CW--That's what I have been thinking--that Idk how hard to wish for the akathisia to go away, for fear of what might take its place! Ugh

[lundeliz]

Yep, I'm so glad you brought that up. My akathisia has been better

 

except when a new wave hits. But I had just been thinking that it has

 

been replaced by head pressure and pain. I'm so glad to know that's

 

probably normal for wd. And that it will eventually go too.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Liz,

 

I am just a hair more than a year longer off drugs than you are. L2K, I can't tell for you because the year is missing in your sig. But I just want to mention to both of you: think back how you both felt a year ago and you cannot tell me that things have not changed at all. There are things that are better and things that are worse. It is just how it goes. But is there a general upward trend at all is what I want to know. I bet if you are honest, there is.

 

Does no good to pray for or against any of this, it happens on its own and goes according to each body's divine wisdom. Better to not work against it but rather be a cheerleader for whatever happens. Rather pray for the strength to get through whatever happens is a much better idea. Remember, God has a better plan than you can conceive of in your puny human world. You just need the strength to take what comes your way. I became physically relatively well in a much shorter time than I ever expected but now I am in the midst of a malignant depression. The emotional component is still broken so I am not recovered yet.

[luv2knit]

CW--I will look into the signature when I get to my laptop. It was 2014, though--about 8 months ago. Still some things have changed. Like you say--some better, some worse.

[lundeliz]

Yes same here some better some worse. Things

 

come and go then come back around. Always a

 

different symptom in the forefront. No wonder it's

 

so confusing.

[OnaRage]

Hi Liz,

 

I spent the last few hours reading your entire thread.  I had one main thought that I felt I needed to share with you....

 

YOU ARE SO VERY STRONG AND BRAVE!

 

I have had my share of false starts and missteps with getting free of these medications and it's threads like yours that make the rest of us realize that we're not alone and that we're not crazy.  I've had several mental health diagnosis based on the symptoms that I've had while ON medication that didn't agree with my system.  And even close family and friends have a hard time understanding why a new medication or trying SOMETHING else doesn't help.  It's a triumph to make it through the constant onslaught of people who question your condition and why you're not seeking treatment when, you know with all your heart, you're doing the one and only thing that CAN help you - taking nothing and riding out the storm.

 

I feel like I know you after reading all the posts. So hang in there, Liz.  You're going to beat this.  You have it in you.   I am sending super warm, supportive thoughts your way and will continue to follow up with you just to see how you are.  Hugs!