My Cymbalta story by lundeliz

[lundeliz]

Thank you, Petu. That was a really nice response. I definitely need to work on

 

acceptance. That has been really hard for me. I can't help thinking about what

 

I would be doing if this hadn't happened. And I feel very guilty for putting my

 

husband and family through this. He really doesn't have a wife right now and my

 

grandchildren don't have a grandma. I think I may need to find a therapist to

 

help me learn to cope with this. You have such a great attitude. And thank you for

 

saying that we will eventually recover. And I do think often about people who are

 

dealing with an illness in which there is no hope, and people who are dealing with

 

the illness of one of their children. So, I really do count my blessings every day.

 

Because other than this, I have many many blessings and I do know that. Thank you

 

for helping me to stay strong. I will put extra effort in learning how to accept that

 

this is my life "for now."

[lundeliz]

Oh gosh, it's midnight and my anxiety is out of control. It was just a really

 

bad day. Nausea was so bad I couldn't stuff much down. My head hurts so bad,

 

and I got myself all worked up thinking I may be having a lyme disease relapse.

 

I've been resisting taking a benzo, but I'm afraid I may be getting close to

 

having to resort to that. That scares me even more. I've gotten myself

 

in a real state of panic here. I didn't even have anxiety before I went on

 

Cymbalta, but I may have brought it on myself. Gosh, what a state I am in.

 

Scared out of my mind. How do I get down from this? I will go try to calm

 

myself down somehow. I may end up taking a Xanax, and hope I won't need

 

another one soon. Haven't had one in at least a month or so.

[lundeliz]

I know many people have become sensitive to meds during withdrawal. I'm pretty sure

 

my beta blocker is making me really sick. I take it at bedtime, and I wake up with

 

my stomach feeling horrible. I feel like I'm going to throw up all day long, along

 

with diarrhea. It's also affecting me mentally, feel very wired. I've had high blood

 

pressure for many years, so I can't just not take any med. I'm so afraid right now,

 

worried I can't tolerate any meds. I have an appt with my dr. tomorrow to see what

 

he says. I'm getting myself kind of in a state over this. So just had to vent.

[Petunia]

Hi Liz,

I'm sorry you are feeling so sick from you your BP meds.  I hope your doctor appointment goes well and he/she is able to help.  Do let us know.

Petu.

[lundeliz]

Thank you Petu.  I did see my doctor today.  He changed my bp med, but I'm not sure I agree

 

with him.  I think I need to taper off the beta blocker slowly, he said go from 40mg to 0mg in

 

about three days. I want to be more cautious than that.  I'm trying to get in to a new doctor.

 

Hopefully he will be more understanding.

[Altostrata]

Sometimes you have to be polite but firm with a doctor.

[lundeliz]

I'll try that Alto! He also asked why don't you just go back on the Cymbalta?

 

I politely but firmly told him no way!

[lundeliz]

I'm still having constant nausea, always feel like I'm about to throw up. I also

 

have a constant underlying agitation. Exhausted, headache comes and goes, gets

 

bad at night after I take my bp meds. Thankfully, I do sleep well with less than

 

half a tsp. of childrens Benadryl and 1mg melatonin. Feeling very low and hopeless.

 

Just wanted to document all this in my journal.

[Altostrata]

What did you do about your thyroid meds?

[lundeliz]

Alto, I'm still off thyroid meds. The dr. did a thyroid test,

 

and said it was within normal range, and was ok to stay off meds.

 

I know it is probably not optimal, but just can't bear to try the meds

 

again right now. I still feel like the beta blocker is causing me

 

problems. I am seeing a new doctor on Tues. Will see what he thinks

 

about it all. I wish it wasn't so complicated. I can't even think

 

well enough to try to figure it out. Thanks, Alto.

[lundeliz]

Alto, I don't know if my last post sounded blunt. I can't tell you how much I

 

appreciate all the time you have spent helping me through this. Every 

 

bit of advice and suggestions are deeply appreciated. This forum is getting

 

me thru this and I am forever grateful.

[Altostrata]

No, not blunt at all. Good to hear your thyroid tests are in normal range.

[lundeliz]

I am updating my thread here.  I have no questions at this time, wouldn't know what to ask,

 

but comments are definitely welcomed.  I'm so sick these days.

 

In addition to the constant nausea, agitation, exhaustion, very blurry vision, burning eyes, now

 

I can't sleep and my legs don't want to work.  Legs get very weak and achy when I walk. Legs and

 

and scalp are also tingly.  I saw a new doctor and I liked him very much. At least he sat down and

 

talked to me and listened to me.  He is weaning me off the beta blocker and doubled my diuretic. 

 

He thinks that may be enough to control my bp.  I have my doubts, but I'm good with not adding a

 

new med right now. I'm very nervous about getting down to a low dosage.  I don't think I can handle

 

symptoms of racing heart or anxiety if I get that.  I actually started weaning before I even saw this dr. 

 

I was on 40mg nadolol. For one week I took 35mg, then one week 30, and yesterday went to 25.  I hope

 

this will be slow enough.  If it's not, I will slow down, even though it is making me feel so horrible.  I haven't

 

felt a racing heart yet or spikes in bp.  So I guess so far, so good. I also haven't felt any benefit from the lower

 

dosage yet. He told me to drop 1/4 of the pill per week, but I want to do it slower.  I am so hoping when this is

 

all out of my system I will feel better, and  my bp will be ok.  That seems too much to hope for but I can only try.

 

Right now I can't see my life ever getting any better, but maybe if I can get off the beta blocker, my outlook will

 

get better too.  I'm struggling to stay hopeful.

[Meimeiquest]

I'm so glad you found a doctor you feel comfortable with. I think your beta-blocker reduction would be quite reasonable for typical people. I am so sensitized, I would be in orbit. What do you think about you? You are clear off your AD, right? I am not at all saying the taper is too fast, just saying I couldn't do it. It is hard to know when you are still mopping up from the AD. Thanks for writing!

[lundeliz]

Thank you, Meimeiquest. I really appreciate your opinion. Yes, I am off Cymbalta almost 4 months.

 

Are you still on a low dose of the Toprol? Will you taper completely off? In your opinion, what symptoms

 

would indicate I'm going too fast? Have you had any symptoms tapering at the rate you have? I really do

 

not want any of the rebound stuff from tapering too fast.

 

I will really consider going slower. At the moment, I'm pretty much nonfunctional, so I'm very anxious

 

to get it over with. But I know from experience with my Cymbalta taper, that can get you in real trouble.

 

I very much appreciate your input. Thanks again!

[Meimeiquest]

It is tricky for both of us since other drugs and/or their WD are involved. If you are having new symptoms, there is always the possibility that they are from the beta-blocker taper. My main symptom is an anxiety that has more of a terror edge than the other withdrawal anxieties...I am doing three drugs in a circular taper and anxiety and irritability are the main WD symptoms for all. And the heart thub thub. So I am at 7mg from 50mg and, yes, will go off. I'm on another drug for my BP now. I have to reduce in 0.25mg increments now...after nearly 2 years of withdrawing my family has had it with my irritability (can't imagine why!)

 

Another ting to consider...some people think 4 months out was the peak of WD-related depression after stopping an AD. It was for me. Big, big thing for me to help is getting up at the same time every morning.

[lundeliz]

Hi meimeiquest. You have convinced me to slow it down. However the insomnia they are causing is brutal. Tonight I stayed asleep for only 20 min. I will try again. How are you able to decrease such a tiny amount? I woukd like to go as slow as needed to prevent the horrible anxiety. That kills me and I have enough of it already. Thank you so much. You have been a great help.

[lundeliz]

Sorry, I see now in your signature that you are making a DIY liquid to taper. I found the list on here

 

and yes, nadolol, the bb that I take, can be made into a liquid. That will make the measuring much

 

more accurate than the way I have been splitting the pills.  Now I feel much more hopeful that I can

 

get off these pills!  Then just have to figure out how to keep my blood pressure down!  Thank you,

 

Meimeiquest.

[Meimeiquest]

You are sort of welcome...the problem is that I have no idea what you need...don't even know myself what I need half the time

[lundeliz]

I understand, but you gave me some guidance and support. It helps just to not feel so alone.

[lundeliz]

I had an increase in anxiety and agitation the last couple of days, and it just dawned on me tonight

 

that it is very possibly the beta blocker wd.  Also weakness is very bad, can't stand on my legs very

 

long. Also maybe involves the beta blocker.  I may have solved the insomnia issue, time will tell.  Last

 

night I took my melatonin about an hour before I wanted to go to sleep.  Just as I was ready to

 

try to sleep, I took my beta blocker so hopefully I could get to sleep before it kicked in.  Well, it worked

 

perfectly, at least last night I slept 9 or 10 hours.  Also I switched to a time release melatonin, so I don't

 

know if that helped me stay asleep.  I'll do the same tonight and see if I get the same good results. Anxiety

 

is high tonight.  I think I will slow down my bb taper, and possibly make a liquid to taper more slowly.  So

 

far, bp and hr are ok.  I'm down from 40mg to 25mg.

[Meimeiquest]

You go!

[Altostrata]

That is excellent news all around, particularly that your bp and hr are okay. I am so relieved, lundeliz.

[lundeliz]

Thank you Meimei and Alto. Unfortunately, the sleeping trick didn't work last night. I drifted in and out

 

and in and out all night long, never really getting to sleep.  I will try again tonight.  I guess I'll just have

 

to put up with the side effects in order to do a slow taper.  I don't think I want to trade insomnia for a

 

racing heart and blood pressure spikes. 

[Altostrata]

Hang in there, L. It may be bumpy, but you'll make it.

[lundeliz]

Thanks Alto. Can anyone tell me if my beta blocker could be making me feel so sick?

 

I am so weak I can hardly get around. The nausea is so bad I'm mostly living on Ensure.

 

But worst of all is the 24/7 anxiety. I can hardly stand it. I am tapering off the

 

beta blocker. Now I have a uti, which I read somewhere is pretty common when tapering

 

off beta blockers. I have no idea why. I really feel like I can't stand it for another

 

minute, but I will. I tried taking some vistaril, but it backfired like so many other

 

things are right now. Xanax still works, but I don't dare use it often. I have a feeling

 

it would eventually backfire also, so I use it rarely. Pure misery, and I know I'm not

 

alone.

[Altostrata]

Yes, tapering off beta blockers has to be gradual.

[lundeliz]

I feel bad for posting the previous post. Please forgive my whining. Things

 

were at their worst at that moment. I know there are so many others as bad

 

and worse. We can get there, one day at a time. I'll pray hard for all of

 

us tonight.

[Altostrata]

Really, L. no need to apologize. You've been very, very brave.

[Meimeiquest]

I've learned something about Alto. When she says "that has to be tapered" it's code for Suffering Ahead. . I think you have shown great strength too!

[lundeliz]

Oh dear, Meimei. I'm slowing my taper down. I'm not sure what my next drop will be. I hope

 

I can keep a lid on the anxiety. That's the hardest thing for me to deal with. Thank you

 

both for the kind words.

[Rhiannon]

I feel bad for posting the previous post. Please forgive my whining. Things

 

were at their worst at that moment. I know there are so many others as bad

 

and worse. We can get there, one day at a time. I'll pray hard for all of

 

us tonight.

 

Oh my goodness, you don't seem whiny at all! You're brave and inspiring. Please don't apologize for complaining, that's what we're here for, we understand and we "get it."

[Meimeiquest]

Oh dear, Meimei. I'm slowing my taper down. I'm not sure what my next drop will be. I hopeI can keep a lid on the anxiety. That's the hardest thing for me to deal with. Thank youboth for the kind words.

I'm down to 0.25mg drops. Pathetic! I only started in July! I do think part of it is that you are still really in AD WD as well. But you did well to figure it out and I know you'll get through it!

[lundeliz]

I'm a little freaked out this evening. After a few days of feeling like I have

 

a uti, I went to the doctor today. No infection. But going nuts with the very

 

frequent urination. I did some reading around, and realized that all the symptoms

 

I have been having are symptoms of dysautonomia. I have severe weakness, facial

 

flushing, blurry vision, frequent urination, nausea, diarrhea. These are the

 

symptoms I have that I find listed as dysautonomia. Am I sentenced to many many

 

years of recuperation? One thing that complicates this is that dysautonomia can

 

be caused by antidepressant withdrawal and also by lyme disease. I'm so upset

 

right now. Is dysautonomia recognized by regular doctors or is it another one of

 

those things that is hard to get diagnosed? I guess I need to find a lyme disease

 

doctor as it has been a few years since I have been treated. How common is dysautonomia

 

during withdrawal? Any info, words of encouragement would be so welcomed.

[Meimeiquest]

My understanding is that it basically is what we all have, just viewed from a different perspective. But I don't know how it applies to your Lyme disease.

[lundeliz]

Thanks Meimeiquest, so it's just typical withdrawal?  I have no idea if lyme plays any part in this either.

 

But you eased my mind a little.  I'm having a hard time coming to grips with all this.