Rosetta: cold switch May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017

[Rosetta]

I went on a car trip with my husband and daughter, and I did well throughout the trip.  Getting out of the house was a little difficult.  Packing wasn’t easy, but not too bad.  I was able to let go of having everything I wanted to have and leave without a few things.  That’s progress.  
 

During the trip, I felt pretty good.  I slept all right.  I had stretches during the night when I couldn’t sleep, but that’s normal.  After waking up in the night, I didn’t feel very scared, very often.  There were some mornings that were difficult due to anxiety.  We were gone Sat, Sun, Mon, and Tuesday night.   We saw an enormous aquarium.  It was great fun.  We saw good friends from years ago when we lived elsewhere.  We went to several historical sites, too.  
 

Since we returned, I have had panicky wake ups.  Being in this house is really hard for me.  It’s so messy.  I never feel at ease.  I have to fix that problem.  My daughter starts school on Tuesday.  Hopefully, I can work on the issue.  
 

My main problem is that I feel overwhelmed by the sheer size of the problem and I have no space left for tackling it.  I am not good at being satisfied with handling a small part for a limited time period.  These past few years that was useless because of the rollercoaster of PWS.  I might do a good job one day, but it would wipe me out, and then I would eventually go into a wave.  By the time I got back to work, all that progress had been undone, and the mess of the half-finished project irritated me.  I gave up.

 

I have to get rid of things, and I’m not good at that.  It causes me a lot of anxiety.  I feel attached to things.  They jog my memory.  I feel that I’m losing a connection or a memory to give something up.  I’m worried about the fact that things will not go to good use — that they will go into a landfill, but my husband is right.  We cannot have the landfill here in our house.  Whatever happens to these things, they have to go.  I can’t even invite people to my garden in case they need to use the restroom.  It’s completely ridiculous.

[Rosetta]

Dystonia is back.  Uncomfortable.  

[Rosetta]

Today is Sat., Sept 4.  I think I’ve been in a wave since Aug 24th.  Today has been better, but I had diarrhea for “no reason.”  That means my hormones were acting up.  I have had a fair amount of anxiety these past 10 or so days.  Other than helping my daughter with schoolwork, in a very nervous fashion, and participating in a carpool,  I’ve been stuck on the couch a lot trying to distract with Netflix and Prime.  The state of my house has been very distressing.  It’s both a real world problem and a neuro-emotion obsession.  
 

Today was different, and I did a bit of work clearing off the island, cleaning it, and finally taking a load of laundry out that I had washed about 4 times since last weekend.  I dried it and folded it.  Any day I can do housework is evidence of a window.  Its ironic that I will inevitably fall into an anhedonic state during which my house won’t irritate me so much.  Then, the house will become even more chaotic. Ah, at least I can drive now.

[gentlehermione]

12 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Ah, at least I can drive now.

 

@RosettaThat's great news! Being able to drive again gave me such a sensation of freedom after having been so limited/dependent on others during acute withdrawal.

[Rosetta]

@Cheeky @ScottishLass @gentlehermione  Thank you for your comments.  
 

The last three days have been very hard because I have had the intense muscle tension in my face, temples, jaw, neck and chest.  It’s been painful.  While I slept, for two nights, my tongue was pressed up against the roof of my mouth —dystonia.  I took Advil which seemed to help.  I wasn’t sure Advil had an effect, but each time the pain returned it was in line with the likely time the Advil would wear off.   Reading and typing on the iPad made the tension and pain worse.  I had helped my daughter prepare for her math assessment, and I think that may have contributed to the problem, but hormones are likely involved, too.  I wish I could do some experiments to test that theory.  However, I never know when my “ghost period” is going to occur.  I’m post-menopausal, but I still have various period/ovulation symptoms every two weeks.
 

Yesterday afternoon the tension eased.  I was able to go to the beach with my family and the dog.  We had a lovely afternoon.  I am so grateful to have been able to do that.

[gentlehermione]

15 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Yesterday afternoon the tension eased.  I was able to go to the beach with my family and the dog.  We had a lovely afternoon.  I am so grateful to have been able to do that.

 

It's a wonderful feeling when the tension does lift even if only for a while.

 

So glad you were able to enjoy the time with your family 🥰

[Cheeky]

48 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

@Cheeky @ScottishLass @gentlehermione  Thank you for your comments.  
 

The last three days have been very hard because I have had the intense muscle tension in my face, temples, jaw, neck and chest.  It’s been painful.  While I slept, for two nights, my tongue was pressed up against the roof of my mouth —dystonia.  I took Advil which seemed to help.  I wasn’t sure Advil had an effect, but each time the pain returned it was in line with the likely time the Advil would wear off.   Reading and typing on the iPad made the tension and pain worse.  I had helped my daughter prepare for her math assessment, and I think that may have contributed to the problem, but hormones are likely involved, too.  I wish I could do some experiments to test that theory.  However, I never know when my “ghost period” is going to occur.  I’m post-menopausal, but I still have various period/ovulation symptoms every two weeks.
 

Yesterday afternoon the tension eased.  I was able to go to the beach with my family and the dog.  We had a lovely afternoon.  I am so grateful to have been able to do that.

It’s so nice to hear you went to the beach with your family , those times are precious. 
Having to go through post menopause is so hard while in withdrawal. I do believe you will be healed soon, there has been so much improvements in your posts. I really wish you 100% heal you deserve every bit of happiness.

[Rosetta]

@Cheeky and

@gentlehermione Thanks for posting on my thread.  I haven’t felt like posting lately, but I wish I had at least acknowledged your sweet comments.  Thank you!

 

I’m still struggling with moodiness and intermittent anxiety.  I notice that I’m anxious when I have not been for a while, but I don’t fully appreciate the lack of anxiety very often.  I think that’s because my house is still a mess, and it keeps me flustered.  I bought some more bins last week.  I haven’t done anything with them, but . . . 
 

A fair number of my anxiety episodes come from real life situations, but the anxiety at those times is very different — unless I’m having wave induced anxiety at the same time.  The wave induced anxiety occurs with less intensity now, of course, but it keeps coming back.  
 

I have a long list of things that I need to do or fix or throw away or repair or organize, and it keeps getting longer because I can’t do much before something else breaks.  I guess that’s just life, but I’m operating at such a low level than I feel as if I’ll never get anything under control.
 

My daughter keeps having homework, and, in addition to the nightly math assignment, it’s now writing assignments or power point presentations.  Supposedly, she should be able to get this work done at school.  In reality, she barely does anything at school.  Without an involved parent, how many of these kids turn in their assignments?  I should be grateful that she’s getting this type of education, but I’m stressed out by having to stay on top of her work.

 

The dog continues to destroys things, cover the house in fur, etc.  
 

I’m losing hope that I will ever get this house in a condition that is presentable, but I have to.  My child must be able to have friends over.  At the moment there is one friend that comes over, but that’s it.  I can’t  let this go on.  
 

On the positive side, I am much more functional.  I know that if I wasn’t in this hole with the house having been neglected for 5 years or more I could take care of it.  It’s getting out of the hole that I’m struggling to do.

[Faure]

Hi Rosetta, just been reading your most recent posts and wanted to say how I admire you still being able to support others on here while you are struggling so much yourself. I have a friend who struggles with the state of his house (fortunately for him his mental health is very stable and always has been as far as I know), but he finds it so hard to throw things away and also doesn’t have people to visit (except for me). I’m sure as your recovery continues you will feel more able to deal with it. Wishing you all the best ❤️

[Rosetta]

Thank you, @Faure

[Rosetta]

This week my mother said to a doctor that she can’t stay on Prozac forever, and the doctor said, “Why not?”  Ugh!  My mom asked me, “I really can’t?”  Grrrrrrr.  Honestly, this may sound horrible, but I’m hoping she has an accident before this issue has to be addressed because I don’t think she will be responsible enough to taper without incident.  It’s so wrong, ethically and morally, to have an 80 year old woman on an AD.

[Cheeky]

4 hours ago, Rosetta said:

This week my mother said to a doctor that she can’t stay on Prozac forever, and the doctor said, “Why not?”  Ugh!  My mom asked me, “I really can’t?”  Grrrrrrr.  Honestly, this may sound horrible, but I’m hoping she has an accident before this issue has to be addressed because I don’t think she will be responsible enough to taper without incident.  It’s so wrong, ethically and morally, to have an 80 year old woman on an AD.

Wow that’s a joke, giving old people antidepressants 😖 and telling them to stay on for life. How long had she been on them ?

[getofflex]

On 9/29/2021 at 1:59 PM, Rosetta said:

This week my mother said to a doctor that she can’t stay on Prozac forever, and the doctor said, “Why not?”  Ugh!  My mom asked me, “I really can’t?”  Grrrrrrr.

Years ago, I asked my PCP "when can I get off this Lexapro?" and he said " you'll never get off it, because your depression will return".  What malarky.  I'm over 99% off it, and I'm not depressed.  I wonder if these docs just don't want to deal with tapering their patients off these drugs.  

[Rosetta]

I’ve been having panicky wake up the last few nights.  I feel fine in the day, but in the middle of the night I feel like the world is collapsing in on me.  My mind goes to the disaster that is my house, losing photos — same ol’ same ol’.  

Sometimes I have hot flashes.  I have been waking up some mornings feeling overwhelmed.  Cortisol spikes, I suppose.  I had some dystonia the past two days, also, in the night and in the day.

 

I got new glasses yesterday.  I’m hoping the dystonia in my eye and face will be less noticeable if I have the right prescription.

 

On 9/29/2021 at 4:57 PM, Cheeky said:

Wow that’s a joke, giving old people antidepressants 😖 and telling them to stay on for life. How long had she been on them ?

 

Ages.  Probably 20 years, maybe 25 or more.  She’s on 20 mg of Prozac.  I don’t remember how long it’s been.  The doctor offered to raise her dose.  She said she declined.  I hope that’s true.

 

@getofflex I’m not sure.  I don’t think most of them know there’s anything to deal with except the “return of the original condition.”  The vast majority definitely would not want to help a patient taper.

 

[Cheeky]

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Ages.  Probably 20 years, maybe 25 or more.  She’s on 20 mg of Prozac.  I don’t remember how long it’s been.  The doctor offered to raise her dose.  She said she declined.  I hope that’s true.

That as long as me, I’m 44 so I have a chance but to taper at 80years old would be cruel. What did you tell her to do.

[Rosetta]

Nothing right now.  Kick the can down the road.  To taper at 80 might be cruel, but what about tachyphylaxis at 85? I’m more worried that she will be CT’d, quite frankly.  To not taper — very carefully — that’s what worries me the most.  Oh well, that’s not a problem today. @Cheeky

[Terry]

@Rosetta I am nearly 78 and recently finished my taper off sertraline (zoloft).  If your mom is in otherwise reasonably good health, she could probably do it too.  But so much would depend on her outlook and willingness to make the effort it takes to taper successfully. 

 

I'm still looking at a xanax taper which will take me into my eighties to finish.  OTOH, my sister is nearly 88, and has been on Paxil for 20 years or more.  She seems happy with it, and will probably remain on it until she dies.

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Nothing right now.  Kick the can down the road.  To taper at 80 might be cruel, but what about tachyphylaxis at 85? I’m more worried that she will be CT’d, quite frankly.  To not taper — very carefully — that’s what worries me the most.  Oh well, that’s not a problem today. @Cheeky

I know, you have to worry about yourself first. 

[Rosetta]

5 hours ago, Terry said:

@Rosetta I am nearly 78 and recently finished my taper off sertraline (zoloft).  If your mom is in otherwise reasonably good health, she could probably do it too.  But so much would depend on her outlook and willingness to make the effort it takes to taper successfully. 

Thanks for trying to help.  I really appreciate that.  She’s technologically challenged to an inordinate degree — can’t use a computer or a smart phone.  She’s not a good candidate for tapering on her own, unfortunately.  With me there, she acts as if she can’t even use a coffee maker.  It’s a dynamic I try to avoid.  We are 1500 miles apart.  I can’t do it for her.  So, she will need a doctor who is on board.  I can only hope that one will magically appear before it’s too late.

[ScottishLass]

@Rosetta Hi, I’m just popping by to say I hope you are feeling less overwhelmed and that your new glasses made a difference.  I hope things are ok for you at the moment. Sending lots of kind thoughts. SL 😊

[Rosetta]

Thank you, @ScottishLass.  I’m a bit better.  The cortisol wake ups are less severe.  We are going on a trip, and I’m struggling with that.  My sleep is poor.  I need more exercise.  I’m glad you stopped by.

R

[almuPA]

Hi, @Rosetta,

Is good to read that you are doing a bit better. 

On 10/4/2021 at 3:57 PM, Rosetta said:

We are going on a trip, and I’m struggling with that.  My sleep is poor.

Traveling is challenging when in WD. Any kind of stress ir change in our routine is a challenge, actually. But if you are able to do It, you will probably feel better afterwards and Will prove to yourselve that you can do It!

 

On 9/29/2021 at 7:59 PM, Rosetta said:

This week my mother said to a doctor that she can’t stay on Prozac forever, and the doctor said, “Why not?”  Ugh!  My mom asked me, “I really can’t?”  Grrrrrrr.  Honestly, this may sound horrible, but I’m hoping she has an accident before this issue has to be addressed because I don’t think she will be responsible enough to taper without incident.  It’s so wrong, ethically and morally, to have an 80 year old woman on an AD.

 

Maybe this is an unpopular opinión, but the best you can do is to take care of yourselve.  I know you worry about your mum, but I am also sure that you have tried to explain to her about AD's or about your experience. Even if you dont. We have a lot going on in WD. I Hope I don't sound insensitive, It is not my intention. But I have similar situation with my dad. The fight and the frustation is not worth it. 

Send you lots of love. 

[Rosetta]

Thank you, @almuPA I agree. That is, of course, why I worry, but I can’t take care of her.  
 

I have convinced her how important it is to take the same dose at the same time every day.  I’ve told her not to allow her dose to be raised, and I have told her that she will need to taper someday.  

Tapering, very slowly and carefully, from a point of stability is probably all right for elderly people.  Tapering off after “poop-out” is a miserable experience for anyone.  So, tapering off when one feels fine is very, very important.  Convincing someone (or oneself) to taper medication when one feels fine is rather difficult, but as we get older medications might be added that interfere with the metabolism of the AD, and that could throw a person into withdrawal.  
 

Worse, a person might have surgery or an accident and be off the medication for several days or weeks because doctors don’t know how important it is to avoid withdrawal.  That’s one reason I would never agree that a person should take ADs or benzos for mental health.  Things happen that are out of our control.  
 

I try to not think about what might happen with my mom.  She’s going to do what she’s going to do.  I learned that long ago.

[Rosetta]

I made it off on my trip.  It was very rocky.  I had a lot of anticipatory anxiety before packing, then, packing went well, and, finally, the travel day was AWFUL.  I had to get up at 2:30 a.m.  I was a bear all day. But I’m here, I’m rested, and everything is all right!

[ScottishLass]

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

 

@Rosettarocks 😊

SL

[Faure]

Great, so pleased you’re feeling good and rested now you are away. Hope you have a good time ☺️

[Rosetta]

Thanks @Faure and @ScottishLass

 

I’m ok, but I don’t feel right.  I’m making a lot of mistakes, and I’m very emotional: stressed, sad and angry. I suppose it’s because of getting up too early and traveling and the jet lag (of only 2 hours).  

[ScottishLass]

@Rosetta I hope the last day had been better for you and you have been able to enjoy some time with your family. I so really wish that for you.  Take good care of yourself. This is really hard this ****. You’re a kind, kind soul and thanks for understanding. People like you make this place. Take good care Rosetta. SL

[Carmie]

On 10/8/2021 at 5:43 PM, Rosetta said:

Thanks @Faure and @ScottishLass

 

I’m ok, but I don’t feel right.  I’m making a lot of mistakes, and I’m very emotional: stressed, sad and angry. I suppose it’s because of getting up too early and traveling and the jet lag (of only 2 hours).  

 I hope you feel a bit better soon Rosetta. Those rollercoaster of emotions aren’t much fun, sending you hugs🤗

[Cheeky]

Hey @Rosetta,

I hope your feeling better after the trip. 
Wishing you many windows ❤️

[Fightinghard]

Hello Rosetta-  I’ve been away for ac few months but I wanted to check in and say I hope you’re doing well!  

[Rosetta]

I’m home.  I felt pretty good during my trip. There were many good times!  
 

My physical condition has improved a lot in terms of movement, balance, and stiffness.  I’m quite weak comparatively, but I have hope that I have the ability to build muscle again.   
 

Early mornings were hard.  I was a bear.  We had 3 of them.    A reminder I’m not normal yet.  I don’t have the same control over my emotions if I have to wake up early.  I felt like a toddler.

 

The return trip was rough because of a cancelled flight and being stranded, but we made it through.

[Erell]

So happy to read you had a good trip !

I know we would like more improvements and abilities, but your progress definitely sound like healing to me ☀️

 

I don't doubt that, progressively, you'll find ways to rebuild muscles : @Aurorax often describe her journey with this issue and her testimony is a great example of the physical strenght we can gain gradually with gentle exercice over the years.

 

You made it through dear ☺

 

Rest well  💜

[almuPA]

That's great news, @Rosetta!

 

It is so good to read that you enjoyed your trip even though there were hard moments. You went thru that and made a great accomplishment! 

[Carmie]

How wonderful that you enjoyed your trip Rosetta, I’m very happy for you🧡

[Sheera]

Thinking about you friend ❤️