RandyJames: need support

[BfromNJ]

1 hour ago, RandyJames said:

It sure is a good plan.  I'm thinking it over.  I'm anxious to get of the meds as fast as possible but don't want to make myself sick by going to fast.  I'm going to think hard on this one.

 

I hope you're having a good day!

I might try this with gabapentin. 

 

eh.  so so.  one hour is good, one isn't.  its crazy.  never know what to expect one minute the next. 

[direstraits]

2 hours ago, Dejavu said:

strange vision issues

could you describe this...I have  lot of vision problems.

thanks.

[Dejavu]

@direstraits, it's really hard to describe. It goes along with the dizzy, swimmy-headed feeling. Things just don't look right - sometimes too far away or too close, sometimes things look like they're leaning or tilted, and sometimes its almost like the beginnings of tunnel vision. It's like constantly trying to get used to a new pair of glasses or contacts, if you know what that's like. Mostly it happens when I'm trying to focus at a distance. That's why I spend most of my life in my room watching TV or playing on my phone so I don't have to see distances. It is terrifying to me.

[RandyJames]

3 hours ago, Dejavu said:

Meh...not a great day for me so far. I know I made a lot of changes but I've had so little stabilization and so few windows. Its been almost 5 weeks that I've been sitting still, and I can't seem to get many breaks from the dizziness and strange vision issues. It causes me anxiety and keeps me from being able to function. Although intellectually I know better, I fear that it's now a permanent state for me. Im nowhere near ready to taper and I see people who reinstated about the same time I did who are already tapering. Of course, they didn't chop and change for 4 months but it still makes me feel like I will never stabilize or be okay again. 

 

About your taper, though: maybe start with the BM Slide, and after a couple of cuts, if it goes okay, then see if you can speed up to 10%.

I'm sorry you aren't having a good day Dejavu.  I'm sure you will stabilize soon.  My biggest hang up over all of this is worrying about permanent damage.  I sure understand your concerns.  It's just too hard not being able to see what's happening in your nervous system if that makes sense.  If there were some kind of test to chart what's going on with it, to see if it's low serotonin from having so much available early on the meds, or if the receptors are broken or something else that's undergone a change from the meds.  

 

Did you feel better or worse than now when you were at 12.5 mgs?  I hate to even conjecture about this stuff as I don't even have a clue what's happening with me, but do you think that you may have gotten sensitive to the meds during this process and up dosing could have brought on a reaction that an eventual decrease might help?  It's just a thought, not advice at all.  Please don't think I'm suggesting to go ahead and taper while you feel so poorly.  

 

I'm still thinking over the brassmonkey slide but I am leaning towards it.  I think all that's holding me back from deciding is that I'm hoping so much that decreasing my dose will help me feel better that I don't want to go extra slow.  If I do the 10% drops I could find out in the worst way that I was wrong though lol.  It's all scary I guess.

 

I hope you feel some better tomorrow.  

 

 

 

 

 

[direstraits]

2 hours ago, Dejavu said:

@direstraits, it's really hard to describe. It goes along with the dizzy, swimmy-headed feeling. Things just don't look right - sometimes too far away or too close, sometimes things look like they're leaning or tilted, and sometimes its almost like the beginnings of tunnel vision. It's like constantly trying to get used to a new pair of glasses or contacts, if you know what that's like. Mostly it happens when I'm trying to focus at a distance. That's why I spend most of my life in my room watching TV or playing on my phone so I don't have to see distances. It is terrifying to me.

thanks for the response,Dejavu.

I agree with really hard to describe...I have lots of floaters,light sensitive,burning,twitching and things don't look right,it makes me crazy with frustration.

it's just unbelievable what these drugs have done to us.

 

hang in there,ds

x

 

( didn't mean to hijack your thread, Randy)

[RandyJames]

4 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

 In the end the fastest way is to take the slow route.

Good point there.  I really don't want to cause a terrible WD reaction by going to fast.  I never want to experience anything like what I have going CT in the past.  That being said I think I am going to do a 10% drop for the first month and then switch to 2.5% as you recommend.  I'm hoping that since Lexapro is so activating that a 2 mg drop may be enough to start getting me some sleep without doing to much WD wise.  My sleep is terrible and my memory and problem solving are terrible.  I am hoping the sleep trouble is causing some of my cognitive issues and I want to think more clearly so bad.  It's really scaring me.  I'm too young to feel as if I have dementia.  I am definitely going to follow your idea after the first drop though. 

 

I will most likely need help with the weighing.  I am not good with math and I am mentally challenged as of late on top of that.  I had thought I could just weigh one pill and remove the percentage from that but apparently the scales don't work that way.  

Could you please give me step by step instructions for how to do it?  I have a Gemini-20 scale that just arrived today.  I'm sorry to be such a pain.  

 

Thanks so much again for helping out.  

[RandyJames]

3 hours ago, direstraits said:

thanks for the response,Dejavu.

I agree with really hard to describe...I have lots of floaters,light sensitive,burning,twitching and things don't look right,it makes me crazy with frustration.

it's just unbelievable what these drugs have done to us.

 

hang in there,ds

x

 

( didn't mean to hijack your thread, Randy)

Lol.  You haven't hijacked anything.  The more input the better.  Actually, you brought up floaters and I have tons of them.  I didn't think they could be med related before as I started noticing a couple when I was like only 8 years old or so.  The last 10 years I have had so many and they just wash across my vision every time I move my eyes.  When I was a kid they were just like two little dots but now they are long strands that overlap and are really hard to ignore.  I want to have them removed but the surgery comes with a risk of retina damage.  

[JB1234]

On 3/15/2019 at 9:27 AM, RandyJames said:

Hi everyone. My name's Randy and I'm 45.

 

I don't know how to make this short but I'll try my best.  I posted here once or twice in 2017 when I quit my Prozac CT.  Had bad withdrawal and tried going back on it with no effect.  I was here at that time asking for advice as my psychiatrist wanted to try me on Lexapro again.  I ended up starting the Lexapro and after 2-3 weeks it worked to stop withdrawal but I was never great.  I have remained on Lexapro since but in early February I began to slowly feel the withdrawal feelings creeping back. 

 

I started waking up with that feeling of icy dread and began having the same kind of cognitive problems, forgetting every little thing, word finding and total brain fog.  I can not enjoy a single thing and the worst is interactions with my loved ones as they are bringing me no comfort as they normally would and it makes me feel so isolated and sad.  It has progressed and I am having anxiety all day and feel like I am back in withdrawal land, though not as bad as before when I had no SSRI's in me.  But I am already in hell again.  I bumped my Lexapro up 3 days ago from 20mgs to 30 to see if I can stabilize.  No help yet.  I am way to tolerant and I fear it wont give me any relief and only make my coming taper all the worse.  

 

I also have tons of non medication issues going on.  I lost both my parents in 2017.  my Dad in march and my mom in December.  My Prozac withdrawal occurred right before she passed and I had to go through that while in full withdrawal and set up the funeral and deal with the lawyer.  Utter hell.  My wife and two children were living with my parents since around 2012 as my first withdrawal from 16 years of Restoral and 2 years of Cymbalta left me wrecked and unable to work.  My drug signature can give a timeline for this.  We had to sell the house as we needed the money and we need to be out in late april and move into a temporary apartment until me can find and buy a house in Portland Or.  We live in San Jose Ca and have for our whole lives. We can not afford to live here as it is so expensive and I am not working.  Thankfully the home sold for a good amount as home prices have skyrocketed here so we will at least have some finances for awhile.  I have to get well before they run out.  My Daughter is graduating from Highschool in June and we can't move until after that but then it has to be quick and I need to be functioning.  I am terrified of moving and the future.  I am so worried for my family and feel so much guilt and sadness.  

 

So I am currently at 30 mgs of Lexapro and am already feeling the tolerance withdrawal symptoms.  I Know that I can not keep going like this and that I will have to come off of them.  I am hoping to get to a somewhat better place by bumping up the dose and then once we have moved in June and have settled in to start weening.  My biggest fear is how bad the process is going to be since I am feeling this bad while still on the pills.  When I start to decrease the dosage, especially as I get way down I feel I will be destroyed.  I am so afraid I can't even express it adequately.  I need to get well for my family.  I love them so much.  My poor wife has dealt with my medication issues for so long.  When I came off the benzos and Cymbalta in 2009 she went through hell with me but stuck it out.  We are each others best friends and she lost me for so long.  I hate to put her through all of this.  She doesn't deserve it and neither do my kids.  

 

I just need some support from people who know what this is all like and are going through it themselves.  Any stories of getting through it especially from people who had tolerance withdrawals like I am would be greatly appreciated.  I am going to stay with this site as I try to reclaim my life.  When I was in Benzo withdrawal I was on a similar site but its been so long I can't remember which one it was but It helped to be with people who were struggling with the same thing. 

 

One thing I have to add is that when I came off benzos I also came off 2 years of Cymbalta and I never really attributed any of my symptoms to the Cymbalta but looking back with more SSRI withdrawal experience I have to say  a lot of it was most likely the Cymbalta and as going on Lexapro 2 years into that withdrawal helped so much that I think I beat the Benzos along the way but the Cymbalta WD just stayed.  that was for 2 years and a couple months and it never stopped.  I am terrified that when I get off these meds I'll be ruined.  I know everyone is afraid of the same thing.  I also know I am in the right place here and really need some support guys. 

 

Thanks

Hi @RandyJames this is JB1234 I am a 40 something male California. On multiple meds and wanted to say hello and give you a shout out to let you know you are not alone. I read your description and I hope you can find some support on this website. Stay strong for yourself and family. Drop me a message if you need to talk. 

[ShiningLight]

Are you able to do any gentle walking? I find that very helpful.

 

You had an awful experience with your last withdrawal so it makes so much sense that you're afraid. I think you kind of just have to surrender to the process and try to be in the moment as much as possible; you are doing a lot of projecting into the future. I try to practice radical acceptance and have managed to be grateful for some of the positive changes in my personality as a result of this suffering. 

 

Also doing John Kabat Zinn meditation on YouTube. I try to do it twice a day no matter how I'm feeling, ie "whether I need it or not." I hate meditation but got desperate. It does help me. This is my favorite one.

 

 

[RandyJames]

Please someone tell me if this is correct. 

 

I weighed one of my 20mg Lexapro tablets and it says .31.   I subtract 10% and get .28.  Is that a correct measurement?  I would just crush the entire pill and weigh out .28 and take that amount for a 10% drop?  I'm really worried about accuracy.  It seems correct to me but I just want to make sure.

 

Thanks

[brassmonkey]

Yes, that is correct.  You don't have to crush the tablet, just cut off enough to make it weigh .280.  Crushing the tablet just makes it easier to measure the weight.  Also if you crush it you will need some gel caps to put the powder in so you can take it.  There are other ways, but using gel caps is easiest.  Also save the little bit that you cut off it will add up and you'll get a "free" dose every once in  a while.

[JB1234]

@RandyJames and @brassmonkey  Randy, Brass monkey knows more than I do.  Ask the moderators for the links that go into detail on this.  I don’t know if it is easier for you.  However, if you can get a liquid formulation this it is very easy to reduce dosage accurately using liquid in a syringe. Interested in hearing how well the use of the scale works for you though 

[RandyJames]

Thanks so much.  I'll start tonight.  I'll be sure to save the powder.  I like the idea of just shaving a bit off the tablet.  I'll have to go slow so I don't take off too much.  

[brassmonkey]

Use a very sharp x-acto knife or a nail file and go slow. If you over shoot just save the tablet for the next taper.  Also because of the fillers you can be under weight by several milligrams and still be close enough to the dose weight not to cause problems.

[RandyJames]

1 hour ago, brassmonkey said:

Use a very sharp x-acto knife or a nail file and go slow. If you over shoot just save the tablet for the next taper.  Also because of the fillers you can be under weight by several milligrams and still be close enough to the dose weight not to cause problems.

Will do.  The nail file is a great idea.  I'm nervous about cutting tonight but this needs to happen. 

[Gracee]

Cutting your pills is no big deal as you will find out after practicing a bit.    Certainly nothing to be nervous about.    Best not to strive for perfection, but for consistency.

[wantrelief]

22 minutes ago, RandyJames said:

I'm nervous about cutting tonight but this needs to happen.

I totally get this, RJ.  Congratulations on starting your taper!

[RandyJames]

Sorry guys, I'm just going to complain a little.  A lot actually.  I know everyone is suffering here and I'm not the only one.  I am just venting.  

 

My brain is working like crud.  Last night my wife went to the store while I was watching my son in the pool and she forgot to leave the door unlocked.  My son suggested I climb over into the patio and go in the sliding door and I couldn't even remember we had a patio.  I had to think about it for a bit and literally had no recollection of there being a patio at all.  I told him we didn't have one and he looked at me like I was nuts.  I had just sprayed sunscreen on him on the patio like an hour earlier and also the last few days.  The patio is literally attached right to our living room and I couldn't even remember it at all.  It's the great big window that is the only source of light in the room for god's sake.  I'm not one to just accept a locked door either and I didn't even begin to think about other ways inside.  This is really getting scary. 

 

The other day I tried to open the front door with the car key remote.  I did the dishes by hand while standing in front of the dishwasher.  I am forgetting to put the milk back in the refrigerator and things like that all day.  When I'm speaking I know what I want to say, I think, but the words get all mixed up or I just can't find them.  Sometimes I can't even form a word right like I have mush mouth or something.  My thoughts racing.   My eyes feel so dry and tired.  Fluids are going right through me.  I am peeing like 8-10 times a day.  I can't handle cold at all.  It's been warm but today is overcast and chilly and it's wrecking me.  My muscles are so tight.  It feels like my neck is in a vice.  I can't relax my face.  I focus on relaxing my face and shoulders and the next thing they are all squinched up again.  I'm always furrowed and kind of squinting.  I feel like Clint Eastwood...  The nerves right above my eyes are so sore.  I am worried all day, no breaks.  If I could only find the ability to enjoy something again I could try  and distract myself.  All I can really do are chores around the house and the whole time I'm just worried about how I am feeling and how unfair this situation is.  I can't stand seeing people go about their lives enjoying simple things.  I haven't felt right for years.  The Lexapro made the Cymbalta WD better but I never felt like myself.  The past 4 months things have been much worse but it's been a very long time since I could just enjoy the lighting outside or the seasons changing.  Above all else I just want my sense of self and my ability to think clearly back.  Tomorrow is just one more holiday that I will be with my family but feel so cut off from them at the same time.  I hate that so much.  I'm loosing time with them.  As far as the anhedonia goes, why is it that it sucks away all good emotions but leaves you able to feel frustrated?  Such utter crap.  

 

To end on a high note I had a couple of days this week that I felt slightly better than the usual as far as agitation and doom and gloom.  I will be starting my taper tonight also which I am hopeful about.  It's going to be a long road and could be a really hard time, but I'm hoping so much that dropping my dose will improve something and that going slow will keep away anything close to what I experienced going cold turkey before.  I just hope that at the end of it I come out at least more like myself than I've been or at least recover from some of the things I've been feeling.  

 

I'm so thankful for everyone who has talked with me on here and helped me out.  It's been a rough year and I don't know what I would have done so far without you all.

[RandyJames]

1 hour ago, Gracee said:

Cutting your pills is no big deal as you will find out after practicing a bit.    Certainly nothing to be nervous about.    Best not to strive for perfection, but for consistency.

Thanks Gracee.  I shaved one pill down for tonight already to see how hard it was and I got it to just under the target weight by a hair.  It's such a small amount I doubt it would matter.

 

I hope you're doing well today

[RandyJames]

1 hour ago, wantrelief said:

I totally get this, RJ.  Congratulations on starting your taper!

Thanks!  I'm really nervous but also really hopeful.  I doubt I'll feel anything, good or bad for awhile anyway.  

 

 

[RandyJames]

18 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

Are you able to do any gentle walking? I find that very helpful.

 

You had an awful experience with your last withdrawal so it makes so much sense that you're afraid. I think you kind of just have to surrender to the process and try to be in the moment as much as possible; you are doing a lot of projecting into the future. I try to practice radical acceptance and have managed to be grateful for some of the positive changes in my personality as a result of this suffering. 

 

Also doing John Kabat Zinn meditation on YouTube. I try to do it twice a day no matter how I'm feeling, ie "whether I need it or not." I hate meditation but got desperate. It does help me. This is my favorite one.

 

 

Thanks so much for the suggestions.  I was walking everyday but I've stopped.  I really should go back to it. 

 

I know I need to give into the process and just go with it but it's really hard.  Some days have been better than others but all in all I'm constantly being taken aback by how unfunctional my brain is.  I hope I can learn to cope with the process.  I can say if I wind up seeing some improvement it will certainly help a lot; kind of goes without saying though lol. 

 

I'll give the meditation a shot.  I've never tried it before.  

 

Thanks for taking the time to help!!

[ShiningLight]

@RandyJames It's incredibly hard! I didn't go willingly 😜!  I gave in because I had to, I was basically bed and homebound for about 4-6 weeks so I just decided that I had better surrender. It did help. For me it's a process of re-surrendering over and over again, to the best of my ability. Doing stuff I don't feel like doing and feeling ways I'd rather not feel. But I am finding some great growth in the process, and that feels good.

[RandyJames]

@brassmonkeyCan I bother you with one more question?  In your first post you mention that one of the reasons you decided to get off the pills is that they were causing you memory problems.  Did that get better and if so did it happen sometime after you reached 0 or somewhere along the taper?  My memory is just about my biggest concern next to anhedonia.  

 

Thanks so much

[RandyJames]

Well, I cut to 18mgs last night.  Obviously I feel no different yet though I did sleep well last night.  I've had a few good nights sleep lately anyway so I doubt it was from the cut.  

[brassmonkey]

While I was on paxil and during my taper I had quite a problem with my short term memory.  At work I always carried a note pad so I could remember things a few minutes later.  This gradually improved as I tapered and after I reached "0".  I still have some problems with it today, but I think it is more age related and a continuation of how I was before I started the paxil.

 

Short term memory problems are a very common symptom of both AD use and ADWD.  You'll find it mentioned in quite a few thread around the site.  It is a very upsetting symptom but from what I've seen it does get better. Making lists, taking notes, post-it notes, cellphone reminders are just some of the things you can do to help.  Also mind improvement games such as the card game "Concentration" or matching type video games can help.  I'm addicted to "Bejeweled Blitz".

[JB1234]

@brassmonkey did you notice your short-term memory improved dramatically after adjusting to your taper?

[brassmonkey]

It was more of a slow steady process for me.

[RandyJames]

On ‎4‎/‎21‎/‎2019 at 12:09 PM, brassmonkey said:

While I was on paxil and during my taper I had quite a problem with my short term memory.  At work I always carried a note pad so I could remember things a few minutes later.  This gradually improved as I tapered and after I reached "0".  I still have some problems with it today, but I think it is more age related and a continuation of how I was before I started the paxil.

 

Short term memory problems are a very common symptom of both AD use and ADWD.  You'll find it mentioned in quite a few thread around the site.  It is a very upsetting symptom but from what I've seen it does get better. Making lists, taking notes, post-it notes, cellphone reminders are just some of the things you can do to help.  Also mind improvement games such as the card game "Concentration" or matching type video games can help.  I'm addicted to "Bejeweled Blitz".

Thanks for the info.  I have been playing an anagram game I found.  http://writingexercises.co.uk/anagram-game.php.  It definitely helps pass some time and challenges the brain.  

[Tom37]

Hi, yes I’m still taking the drug and at 3.80mg. I have improved significantly since crashing 5.5 months ago. Currently at about 80 to 85 percent when at baseline and can function without issue. Still get waves but they are a lot more tolerable than earlier and can work through them. Before tapering I had no side effects and felt perfectly fine so expect to get back to that point but better. Did have symptoms tapering but easily manageable and didn’t really effect day to day life. 

 

Just remember everyone is different but the outcome is always the same. Recovery.

[gardenlady]

Hi RandyJames.  I've been reading your thread and see that you bridged from Cymbalta to Lexapro.  I'm tapering Cymbalta and am too afraid to try to bridge as I am kindled from tapering a benzo.  I'm sorry you're having a rough time tapering the Lexapro....I think that once we have been on these drugs and switched around, we kindle making withdrawal from all of them difficult.

 

Tapering Cymbalta has been brutal for me...I've felt sick ever since starting it so cannot stabilize no matter how long I hold.  I'm down to 14 mg from 60 mg and have so very far to go as one has to go slower the lower one gets in the taper.  I estimate I have 3 years of tapering ahead of me.  I hope your taper will be easier and won't take so long.  Best wishes to you!

[RandyJames]

On ‎4‎/‎23‎/‎2019 at 6:29 PM, Tom37 said:

8 hours ago, gardenlady said:

Hi RandyJames.  I've been reading your thread and see that you bridged from Cymbalta to Lexapro.  I'm tapering Cymbalta and am too afraid to try to bridge as I am kindled from tapering a benzo.  I'm sorry you're having a rough time tapering the Lexapro....I think that once we have been on these drugs and switched around, we kindle making withdrawal from all of them difficult.

 

Tapering Cymbalta has been brutal for me...I've felt sick ever since starting it so cannot stabilize no matter how long I hold.  I'm down to 14 mg from 60 mg and have so very far to go as one has to go slower the lower one gets in the taper.  I estimate I have 3 years of tapering ahead of me.  I hope your taper will be easier and won't take so long.  Best wishes to you!

 

Hi gardenlady.  I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time tapering.  I actually quit the Cymbalta cold turkey right at the end of a benzo taper.  I was off all meds for two years straight before I went on Lexapro.  The WD wasn't going away, though some things had improved, and I sort of freaked out and decided to try and see if another SSRI could help me feel better.  It did make things "better" but ultimately postponed the inevitable.  Just cant stay on these forever.  They stop working and also mess with your brain in so  many ways.  

 

Best of luck with the rest of your taper and I hope you feel better soon

[RandyJames]

It's been one week since I dropped to 18mgs and so far it's hard to say if anything has changed at all.  My cognition is no better but I have been sleeping pretty good.  I think the general anxiety is less, even in the morning when I first wake up there isn't as bad of an anxiety rush.  It definitely doesn't feel like anything has gotten any worse so that's a good thing.  

 

I am worrying a lot about my health.  Despite having a good result on my brain and neck CT scans I saw a orthopedic doctor yesterday and I'm having an MRI of my neck done on Monday.  I cant help feeling that somehow my neck tension is related to my cognitive problems.  It just feels like not enough blood is getting to my brain.  

[Dejavu]

Okay, first let's look at the positives:

 

1 hour ago, RandyJames said:

I have been sleeping pretty good

 

1 hour ago, RandyJames said:

 I think the general anxiety is less, even in the morning when I first wake up there isn't as bad of an anxiety rush.  It definitely doesn't feel like anything has gotten any worse so that's a good thing.  

 Now...

 

aah yes, the health anxiety. I know it well. It is debilitating. During my benzo taper in 2016, I was sure I had (in no particular order): heart problems, MS, Parkinsons, blood clots in my legs that would go to my brain and kill me instantly, MD, ALS, stroke, aneurysm, going blind, Hashimoto's, Crohn's, all kinds of cancer, COPD, scoliosis, Meniere's, and many more. I was terrified and spent thousands of dollars on diagnostics and specialists, all to find out it was...wait for it...withdrawal. The problem with repeated trips to the doctor for reassurance is that it's never enough. It's only a band aid for the deeper problem (and those of us in ADWD know all about band aids, don't we?) As soon as we are cleared of one condition, we sooner or later (in my case, sooner!) begin to worry about another.

 

During benzo WD, my shoulder and neck muscles were so tight at times that it hurt when someone hugged me. 1000 mgs of Ibuprofen didn't even touch it. My abs and obliques would sometimes cramp and constrict so hard that I couldn't breathe. It went away, just as all withdrawal symptoms do. Wish I'd known about magnesium then; it might have helped. 

 

For me, this time around, I'm a little more pragmatic. There's a "been here, done this" component to my attitude about health anxiety these days. And to be honest, now that I've stared both benzo and AD WD in the face, I've feel like what I've been through (and continue to go through) is just as bad if not worse than many of those other conditions I've been fearing. Maybe that's not true, but that's where I am, and to tell you the truth, I find it kind of liberating. How crazy is that...lol?

 

I've wasted so many years worrying about dying that I haven't been living. All this time I've been wanting to recover so I can "get my life back." I now realize that's not good enough. All that does is put me back to being the person who thought she needed brain-altering drugs to survive, and who thought mere survival was all she deserved. Through CBT and talk therapy, I'm starting to realize that I deserve better, and I've been cheating myself for decades by constantly worrying about everything. I hope some of this resonates with you, because I can so relate to how you feel right now. The feelings go so much deeper than worrying about muscle pain, and I get that. I understand. You can reach out to me anytime on this issue for support. 

 

You're going to be okay, RJ. Health anxiety is commonly exascerbated during wd because when the CNS is affected, any and all biological systems are in play. That pretty much means you can get any weird symptom, any time. And for those of us who are hypervigilant of our bodies anyway, it can be brutal. I'm a pretty hard case, as I've suffered with health anxiety since my teens, and I'm now 58. If I can change, anyone can. As I'm writing this, I just got a twisting spasm of sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I can choose to believe its withdrawal (99.9% chance it is), or I can choose to believe its terminal ovarian cancer (.1% chance it is). I've learned that it's a choice, and it's totally within my control. It's not easy and it takes a lot of practice. I have to work on it every single day and I still often fall short. But its doable.

 

I hope you don't think I'm trying to make your post all about me. That's not my intention. I just want you to know that I understand and empathize with what's going on in your head, and I would like to help you if I can. 

[JB1234]

It’s all good info 

[RandyJames]

It's really hard not to worry.  In my case I'm not worried about dying.  I'm just worried about having something that is fixable that is being overlooked and I could just feel better if it was found and taken care of.  It drives me absolutely nuts.  I worry about MS, infections in my fillings, my neck tension keeping enough blood from reaching my head and tons of other stuff.  I am always worried about what I eat.   I can even see how ill I feel in pictures of myself.  My eyes are dead and glossy and I just have such a miserable look on my face even when I'm trying to look happy.  Above all else I can't stand the cognitive issues.  I want to feel better soooo bad.  As today has gone on my mood and dizziness have gotten worse.

 

You didn't make the post all about you.  I always worry people will think the same thing when I give my experiences.  It's the best way to show people you can relate to what they're going through. 

 

Thanks for being so supportive.  I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.  Anytime you need support you can count on me as well.

[RandyJames]

Last night my body was jerking so bad when falling asleep.  First my arm would jerk, then my trunk, then my head, then my hands would close really hard, it just kept going.  Finally I did sleep and slept pretty good.  I woke up several times but did go back to sleep.  When I woke up this morning it was the same story as I lay in bed for awhile.  Today my lips have been twitching while that usually only happens at bedtime as well.  

 

After I got up I cleaned up the house, did wash, vacuumed and took a walk.  My son is having his friend over to go swimming so I plan to get a little sun by the pool this afternoon.  It's nice having the pool for the kids but it's really uncomfortable having to be around other people.  I'm not used to apartment living.  I'm trying really hard to keep up normal activities but I'm just going through the motions in a dizzy fog.