samanthaelizabeth: How do you manage to keep working while taper off

February 16, 2018

Are you serious Sam? That you can't find one case......of someone........who went off their psychoactive medication without the hospital? If I had time I could point you to some here, on this site. Fortunately or unfortunately I don't at the moment. Could it be.......I mean possibly........that what you focus on is what you find? Or what happens to you? I mean don't personalize here I am just saying that in a general sense. It would be nice, so nice I think........if there was such a place for respite for W/D.........not a hospital as we know them now.......but something beyond that. Just for respite for some, who so need it sometimes......... It couldn't be long term though. I mean for most of us it is not a quick, over and done deal. Taper.......get off med..........life as we had before. It's actually better than that. It just doesn't, rarely, ever, happen all at once.

As far as me, my story..........I managed to come off a number of medications without using the hospital. I had not been hospitalized for years for any mental/functional distress when I went in. I am pretty sure, of course one can never be completely certain........that I won't ever need to go that route again.

I think that it was part of the undiagnosing or unlabeling, of self that I was finally able to grasp, and believe in. I'm pretty sure I came by that concept first at this site:

https://beyondmeds.com/2017/11/06/site-retired-ive-retired/

Take a look there. And use the drop down menus and do some reading. It was put together by a fellow W/D warrior and hopefully you might find something that enlightens or even encourages you on your journey.

Soooo......what's the progress report today?

((((Sam))))

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

February 16, 2018

26 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

I can't find one story where someone went off of these drugs without ending up in the hospital. I'm not even sure why I am considering tapering?

Hi Samantha,

I'm sorry you're struggling.

Personally, I've never been in the hospital. But a person has to know what to say, and what not to say, to stay out of the hospital (if that is their wish). It's important to build supports that will help you in case of difficulty. It's up to each person to know what that will look like for them and it's sometimes a matter of trial and error.

Look at Brassmonkey's thread, look at Shep's, I'm forgetting many many others but there are many others who have "come off," and are glad they did.

February 16, 2018

9 minutes ago, cogitoergonumb said:

Hey SE,

The topic heading really spiked my interest as I'm at the start of my Effexor :-/ tapering journey and am wondering how I'm going to continue working. Joined AD on Tuesday so I'm a real newbie.

My job involves driving (and giving technical lectures to customers... Talk about anxiety inducing when you're going through partial WDs) I'm just going to play it by ear and stabilize on the dose I take currently though at the moment I'm feeling pretty rough.

I'll continue to troll with great interest through the posts here. Somehow reassuring how many others have struggled with Psychiatry. I'm in a bit of a mini window ATM :-) Feeling better after a pretty horrid afternoon.

Hi there, nice to meet you! I am just starting my taper journey, i'm a little nervous about how this is going to go. Luckily, I reinstated quickly (after one day of being off) and have been stabilizing for over a month. So I'm hoping this will be a smooth road for me. I am measuring my liquid to transition from my tablets at regular dose and then start my taper with the liquid only. I'm very nervous about this, but since my reinstatement i'm sweating too much and it worries me. So i'm going to try and taper down as much as I can and then see what my next steps are. I'm starting at a reduction of only 5% (i'm a chicken) LOL. Good luck on your journey- Big Pharma does have a lot to answer for....Keep in touch, I wish you the best!

February 16, 2018

I ended up in the hospital; about 5 months after I tapered off, I was very stressed with things in my life. I think I was going through a "wave" also from withdrawal. But, I panicked and went there myself :-( Since then, I have been going to a therapist, and learning how to not to panic and think the worst will happen. I am now tapering again. My last taper was OK, actually, very little withdrawal. And, this one is going OK too. This time around if I have any "waves" after I get off, I think I have the tools now not to panic. If it gets really bad, maybe I will reinstate at a very lose dose, because I went to the hospital and they put me on a huge dose of 3 different drugs :-/ as that's what they do there... when had I just stayed home, tried to relax and ridden out the wave, I likely would have been fine. What my wave consisted of was best described as a long-lasting panic attack. I could not think straight. But, as I said, I had a huge lot of stressors that I did not know how to cope with. That's what I needed to learn to do -- cope with the stress.

Brass monkey is at least one person here who has tapered and not ended up in the hospital. If you read the success stories, you'll find others.

February 16, 2018

5 minutes ago, SkyBlue said:

Hi Samantha,

I'm sorry you're struggling.

Personally, I've never been in the hospital. But a person has to know what to say, and what not to say, to stay out of the hospital (if that is their wish). It's important to build supports that will help you in case of difficulty. It's up to each person to know what that will look like for them and it's sometimes a matter of trial and error.

Look at Brassmonkey's thread, look at Shep's, I'm forgetting many many others but there are many others who have "come off," and are glad they did.

Thanks SkyBlue! Wow, you are doing great! Would it be alright if I followed your thread? I see how low you have gotten, that's great. How are you feeling? Are you happy? I'm just afraid, I don't ever want to feel the way I did before I started on the zoloft. But, that was brought on by another evil drug....Prayers to all of us! Thanks for reaching out.

Sam

February 16, 2018

17 minutes ago, cogitoergonumb said:

Hey SE,

The topic heading really spiked my interest as I'm at the start of my Effexor :-/ tapering journey and am wondering how I'm going to continue working. Joined AD on Tuesday so I'm a real newbie.

My job involves driving (and giving technical lectures to customers... Talk about anxiety inducing when you're going through partial WDs) I'm just going to play it by ear and stabilize on the dose I take currently though at the moment I'm feeling pretty rough.

I'll continue to troll with great interest through the posts here. Somehow reassuring how many others have struggled with Psychiatry. I'm in a bit of a mini window ATM :-) Feeling better after a pretty horrid afternoon.

Hi cogtoergonumb,

Oh no.......please don't just "troll". That's kind, of a could be.......might be.......IDK, but loaded term? I think that we have a whole topic devoted to members trying to keep working and/or get back to work here on site. I usually or often will just type in a topic of interest followed by survivingantidepressants.org and find what I am looking for.

This is samantaelizabeths journal/introduction to track her own progress/journey(and receive input from other members too). As is yours. No harm done. I just don't want you to "troll"......... :rolleyes:

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

February 16, 2018

Hi sam more than a year ago I was in a bad state in my doctors office ,he panicked and wanted me in hospital/ward and more meds ,I said no way because I had been reading the tools and stories from this site ,ive had at least 4 bad occasions I could of ended up in hospital from my own panic since then .please learn about panic and the power of our minds .the support I have got from my peers on this site has been invaluable .I'm not advertising ,I'm just so happy I found the support and validation .

Getting through one episode will get us through the next one ,its just practice and building up confidence in ourselves, like building a muscle.

you will read loads of stories of people going to hospital but sent home because all test came back negative .

You can do it ,just follow the mods .

Take care .

February 16, 2018

23 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Oh no.......please don't just "troll". That's kind, of a could be.......might be.......IDK, but loaded term?

Hahaha Thats not what I meant. I meant stroll!!!!!!

:blink: :rolleyes:

S'okay......thank you then for the clarification. And I just posted on the working thing.........in our symptoms and self care section.

Sorry for the hijack Sam.

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

Edited February 16, 2018 by manymoretodays

February 16, 2018

On 2/14/2018 at 3:53 PM, ChessieCat said:

Some people experience problems changing from tablet to liquid. Also SA recommends only making 1 change at a time so changing to liquid and also making a reduction is not recommended. You might want to consider doing a switch over by 3/4 (150mg) tablet + 1/4 (=50mg) liquid for 3 days, 1/2 (100mg) tablet + 1/2 (=100mg) liquid for 3 days, 1/4 (50mg) tablet + 3/4 (150mg) liquid for 3 days then =200mg liquid for a more days before making a reduction.

Make sure you Keep Notes on Paper

How do I measure 50mg? in the liquid? I think 40mg would be 2ml? How do I make it 50mg?

February 16, 2018

15 minutes ago, powerback said:

Hi sam more than a year ago I was in a bad state in my doctors office ,he panicked and wanted me in hospital/ward and more meds ,I said no way because I had been reading the tools and stories from this site ,ive had at least 4 bad occasions I could of ended up in hospital from my own panic since then .please learn about panic and the power of our minds .the support I have got from my peers on this site has been invaluable .I'm not advertising ,I'm just so happy I found the support and validation .

Getting through one episode will get us through the next one ,its just practice and building up confidence in ourselves, like building a muscle.

you will read loads of stories of people going to hospital but sent home because all test came back negative .

You can do it ,just follow the mods .

Take care .

Thank you @powerback

February 16, 2018

7 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

How do I measure 50mg? in the liquid? I think 40mg would be 2ml? How do I make it 50mg?

Hm I used to be so good at math! 2.5ml =50MG??

February 16, 2018

Just now, samanthaelizabeth said:

Thank you @powerback

Your welcome sam ,no one can tell you not to go to hospital but inform yourself as best you can ,you seem to be anyway asking the questions and try to prepare so fair play to you .

Just in the last 2 hours ive had a very weird manic episode and I used mindfulness to not let it escalate ,practice and consistency is the key .

Respect .

February 16, 2018

Can I mix this with water and keep overnight? I take my zoloft in the very early am..

February 16, 2018

18 minutes ago, cogitoergonumb said:

Hahaha Thats not what I meant. I meant stroll!!!!!!

S'okay......thank you then for the clarification. And I just posted on the working thing.........in our symptoms and self care section.

Sorry for the hijack Sam.

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

No worries

February 16, 2018

12 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

Hm I used to be so good at math! 2.5ml =50MG??

Hi again Sam,

You are correct. And then you do want to dilute it as well once you have drawn up the 2.5ml. dose.

Here's the link as well. Good job!

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1441-tips-for-tapering-off-zoloft-sertraline/

Dilute it in 4 ounces as the link tells you........gingerale, lemonade, etc. It's in the quote in the first post there. Best to take it right after drawing it up and diluting it from what I can find in the drug literature(just looked). Water is also okay but it does say to just use the liquids listed.......

Edited February 16, 2018 by manymoretodays

February 16, 2018

25 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi again Sam,

You are correct. And then you do want to dilute it as well once you have drawn up the 2.5ml. dose.

Here's the link as well. Good job!

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1441-tips-for-tapering-off-zoloft-sertraline/

Dilute it in 4 ounces as the link tells you........gingerale, lemonade, etc. It's in the quote in the first post there. Best to take it right after drawing it up and diluting it from what I can find in the drug literature(just looked). Water is also okay but it does say to just use the liquids listed.......

Okay thanks @manymoretodays The only problem my syringe isn't clear where that .5 mark is. Plus I usually take it when I'm half asleep at 6am

February 16, 2018

34 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

Okay thanks @manymoretodays The only problem my syringe isn't clear where that .5 mark is. Plus I usually take it when I'm half asleep at 6am

Also, can I take this on an empty stomach?

February 16, 2018

On 2/16/2018 at 11:44 AM, samanthaelizabeth said:

I can't find one story where someone went off of these drugs without ending up in the hospital. I'm not even sure why I am considering tapering?

I went off lexapro and did not end up in the hospital*.
I was on zoloft for a few years, then celexa for a few years and then since 2002, I was on every changing doses of lexapro, starting at 20mgs and going as high as 40mgs.

I tried several times to get off, but not knowing anything about the withdrawal issues, I went off cold turkey and ended up going back on it, cuz I felt so bad. I'm not even sure how many times I tried to get off lexapro, but fortunately back in 2016, I found SA and after doing a too rapid taper, slowed things down, and did better. Until, that is, I ignored the superb advice I got here, and jumped off at 2.5mgs. Then I went into delayed acute withdrawal that lasted an entire year.
I still did not end up in the hospital. I kept my contact with the mental health system to a bare minimum, just enough to get the liquid med to taper.

I have been off of all pysch meds since last October and am doing fantastic.

I should also add that I have been on psych meds since I was 18 yrs old, almost continuously, and for many of those years, on cocktails of multiple drugs. I have one of the worst drug histories around (but definitely not *the* worst)

I always knew that I would heal, and I am continuing to heal.

Our bodies and brains are always reaching towards health, I believe. You are very smart to be doing a nice slow taper.
That is the best way to avoid the acute symptoms that those of us who did not do a slow taper, had to endure.

You will do just fine! take your time, take good care of yourself, brush up on coping skills and always look for things to be getting better.

It helps a lot to focus on what is improving, rather than on what is not.

(*I did go to the ER for a "rescue" med but as it turned out, it wasn't much help)

Edited March 29, 2018 by Altostrata
changed source of quote

February 16, 2018

On 2/15/2018 at 2:17 PM, samanthaelizabeth said:

. It seems like everyone has support from their spouses or loved ones My husband doesn't tolerate this and doesn't understand.

I have had almost no support outside of SA.

You have us now and you have YOURSELF most importantly.

You'll be ok.

just take it one day at a time.
I know it's very hard, esp when there are so many unknowns. but you can do this!!

take a look at this new site, it's wonderful. https://www.theinnercompass.org/about

February 16, 2018

57 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

I have had almost no support outside of SA.

You have us now and you have YOURSELF most importantly.

You'll be ok.

just take it one day at a time.
I know it's very hard, esp when there are so many unknowns. but you can do this!!

take a look at this new site, it's wonderful. https://www.theinnercompass.org/about

Thank you H2H- How are you doing these days?

February 16, 2018

4 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

Thank you H2H- How are you doing these days?

I'm doing great Samantha!
I just posted on my thread, in fact, I had a full week of feeling pretty much "normal".

Considering how much I screwed up in my withdrawal, going too fast, jumping off, reinstating, it's really a miracle that I'm doing as well as I am, this early on.

Even when things were really bad, EVERY SINGLE day there was some improvement. I was always on the look out for it.

I had the night sweats something awful when I first tapered, but those went away. I would have never had them again, most likely, if I didn't screw up and go off too fast, but I did want to let you know that you're going to get rid of any of the symptoms you have now, as your brain heals.

just please, learn from my mistakes: GO slow, stay steady, avoid the temptation to throw another drug at the problem, avoid the temptation to go up and down in your dose, avoid the temptation to go faster.
NONE of those things will help you, they'll only make things worse.

one thing that will help you a lot is to practice writing down things that you saw improvement in- even if it's just, for example, I only had sweating for 3 hrs last night instead of for 5 hrs.

once you're stabilized, if you go slow enough and keep things steady, the sweats will go away and you may very well have very few, if any symptoms.

Try to find the threads of the folks who have been smart and went slow: you'll see, they mostly had a much easier time of it than those of us who got impatient

how's your day going today? tell me what was good about it

February 16, 2018

1 minute ago, Happy2Heal said:

I'm doing great Samantha!
I just posted on my thread, in fact, I had a full week of feeling pretty much "normal".

Considering how much I screwed up in my withdrawal, going too fast, jumping off, reinstating, it's really a miracle that I'm doing as well as I am, this early on.

Even when things were really bad, EVERY SINGLE day there was some improvement. I was always on the look out for it.

I had the night sweats something awful when I first tapered, but those went away. I would have never had them again, most likely, if I didn't screw up and go off too fast, but I did want to let you know that you're going to get rid of any of the symptoms you have now, as your brain heals.

just please, learn from my mistakes: GO slow, stay steady, avoid the temptation to throw another drug at the problem, avoid the temptation to go up and down in your dose, avoid the temptation to go faster.
NONE of those things will help you, they'll only make things worse.

one thing that will help you a lot is to practice writing down things that you saw improvement in- even if it's just, for example, I only had sweating for 3 hrs last night instead of for 5 hrs.

once you're stabilized, if you go slow enough and keep things steady, the sweats will go away and you may very well have very few, if any symptoms.

Try to find the threads of the folks who have been smart and went slow: you'll see, they mostly had a much easier time of it than those of us who got impatient

how's your day going today? tell me what was good about it

That's good to hear H2H. My day is going good. Just trying to get some help with my syringe measurement. I'm looking forward to see how low I can go with my taper, but it's going to take years! Just waiting for hubby to get home, we have company coming into town.

February 17, 2018

3 hours ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

3/4 (150mg) tablet + 1/4 (=50mg) liquid for 3 days, 1/2 (100mg) tablet + 1/2 (=100mg) liquid for 3 days, 1/4 (50mg) tablet + 3/4 (150mg) liquid for 3 days then =200mg liquid for a more days before making a reduction.

How do I measure the 50MG with a 5ml syringe?

February 17, 2018

Hey Sam, what is the concentration of your liquid? Eg. 20mg/5ml...love K xo

February 17, 2018

25 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

I have a 5 ml syringe I'm trying to measure 190MG of Zoloft which is 20mg= 1ML so I guess I need to measure 9.5ml. This isn't really accurate for the .5 part of it, it just has the 2 black lines with 5 little lines in between. Please let me know when you have a chance. I am transitioning for a while on my regular dose of 200mg. So for now that will be easy to measure. Please let me know.

Hey Sam, I am measuring a 4.2ml liquid dose in the morning. I use two syringes..one is 5ml (with 0.2ml increments between each ml; the other is a 3ml syringe with 0.1ml increments between mls...so I fill the 5ml syringe up to 4mls and the 3ml syringe up to 0.2ml. This is what works best for me.

28 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

How do I measure the 50MG with a 5ml syringe?

If your solution is 20mg per 1ml....and you want 50mg...you will need to measure out 2.5ml. I would suggest getting a 3ml syringe from your pharmacy to make this easier and more accurate. Hope that helps. K xo

February 17, 2018

Hi Sam. I did that above. Checked your math. You need 2.5 millileters drawn up in your 5 millileter (ml) syringe. 2.5 will be midway between 2 ml and 3ml. And then dilute it as instructed in my last post/link. Empty stomach? This is the same usual time.....correct? So don't worry about that now. You will be taking 50 mg. of your "new" liquid this way with your 150mg. tab for the rest of the dose. Switching over to liquid cautiously before decreasing/tapering further. You might put tape over the syringe markings...duct tape works.....or beside them, the markings. And then mark with a permanent marker the inbetween 2 and 3 ml. mark. Set an alarm. Write down instructions on a 3×5 card if needed. Practice. I mean just pretend run through it now. Upbeat and positive. Best. mmt p.s. double post as Kristine. I am for using the 5ml. syringe you have now Sam. Chessiecats crossover instructions to liquid. Remember? They are good instructions. You got this Sam. I mean you can do it. Upbeat and positive once more.

Edited February 17, 2018 by manymoretodays

February 17, 2018

Sorry MMT, should not have stuck my nose in...I hope I haven't confused issues for Sam. Sorry Sam. K xo

February 17, 2018

16 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey Sam, I am measuring a 4.2ml liquid dose in the morning. I use two syringes..one is 5ml (with 0.2ml increments between each ml; the other is a 3ml syringe with 0.1ml increments between mls...so I fill the 5ml syringe up to 4mls and the 3ml syringe up to 0.2ml. This is what works best for me.

If your solution is 20mg per 1ml....and you want 50mg...you will need to measure out 2.5ml. I would suggest getting a 3ml syringe from your pharmacy to make this easier and more accurate. Hope that helps. K xo

Hi Kristine,

Thanks. Oh, I don't have a 3ml syringe only a 5ml and a 1ml. So I was going to draw it up 2.5 times =1ml+1ml+.5ml

Will that work?

February 17, 2018

1 minute ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

Hi Kristine,

Thanks. Oh, I don't have a 3ml syringe only a 5ml and a 1ml. So I was going to draw it up 2.5 times =1ml+1ml+.5ml

Will that work?

Hey Sam, I'm not a mod and you should follow MMTs latest advice. I shouldn't have stuck my nose in!!! Love K xo

February 17, 2018

16 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Sam. I did that above. Checked your math. You need 2.5 millileters drawn up in your 5 millileter (ml) syringe. 2.5 will be midway between 2 ml and 3ml. And then dilute it as instructed in my last post/link. Empty stomach? This is the same usual time.....correct? So don't worry about that now. You will be taking 50 mg. of your "new" liquid this way with your 150mg. tab for the rest of the dose. Switching over to liquid cautiously before decreasing/tapering further. You might put tape over the syringe markings...duct tape works.....or beside them, the markings. And then mark with a permanent marker the inbetween 2 and 3 ml. mark. Set an alarm. Write down instructions on a 3×5 card if needed. Practice. I mean just pretend run through it now. Upbeat and positive. Best. mmt p.s. double post as Kristine. I am for using the 5ml. syringe you have now Sam. Chessiecats crossover instructions to liquid. Remember? They are good instructions. You got this Sam. I mean you can do it. Upbeat and positive once more.

Thank you MMT! Well i'm not reducing yet, so hopefully the transition will go smoothly! I'm beginning to feel like some sort of mad scientist!

February 17, 2018

10 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey Sam, I'm not a mod and you should follow MMTs latest advice. I shouldn't have stuck my nose in!!! Love K xo

Oh, your're fine! I appreciate the help! I'm so nervous...!!

February 17, 2018

1 minute ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

Oh, your're fine! I appreciate the help! I'm so nervous...!!

I made the mistake of not reading what had already been suggested by MMT and CC...this just added confusion to your thread, so please ignore that post I wrote. I get nervous as well. You will be okay Sam, we are all in this mess together! Love K xo

February 17, 2018

6 hours ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

Thanks SkyBlue! Wow, you are doing great! Would it be alright if I followed your thread? I see how low you have gotten, that's great. How are you feeling? Are you happy? I'm just afraid, I don't ever want to feel the way I did before I started on the zoloft. But, that was brought on by another evil drug....Prayers to all of us! Thanks for reaching out.

Sam

Hi Sam,

Definitely follow my thread! That would be great. : ) . Thanks for your kind words. I did another decrease this week, and a bit rough, but overall good.

It's a good idea to have some strategies and skills in place (meditation, journaling, whatever works for you) as you taper so that you can be okay as possible while tapering. Take good care!

February 17, 2018

I'm just journaling my thoughts/feelings right now. I've noticed that most of the people on this site were "switched" to another AD and it caused them problems and so this is why they want to taper. I didn't switch (except for 2 years ago with Wellbutrin) and switched right back within 6 months. I'm not exactly happy right now, even with my max dose of Zoloft. So why am I risking tapering? I don't want to rock the boat, you know? Aside from the heavy sweating (which is way more than normal) I'm okay. I wasn't sweating like this before I quickly tapered off of the Zoloft and went right back on after a day of being fully off of it. Could the sweating be from this? Will me mood worsen, If I taper down by only 5%? I feel apathetic to some degree but do not want to get depressed. I will not be starting this taper off in a good place and that worries me.

Also, if a Mod could help. I'm not going to fully transition to the liquid as 200mg is just too much to measure in liquid. So I was thinking of just starting my taper now with part tablet and part liquid, beginning tomorrow. Is it okay if I do this,since i'm not totally switching to liquid only? So I need to do 150mg tablet and then 40mg liquid= 2ml??

February 17, 2018

Okay, now I'm totally crying. My husband is forcing me to quit smoking and he said it seems like you are withdrawing from everything. I have disappointed him so much and i'm scared he's going to leave me. We bought two new cars, put in a pool all with the expectation that I would be working. He absolutely hates it when I cry, but this is what I have done my whole life-pushed my feelings down. Am I crying so much because of the slight transition to liquid? He also think I can just quit taking zoloft because I'm strong and it shouldn't hurt me. He doesn't understand and if I try to explain it to him, he just says "See, I told you to never get on that stuff" But I had to because that Ativan really messed me up. These f'n doctors are ruining people lives and it pisses me off! Do I even attempt to taper by 5%? I don't understand why I have been sweating so much. And it always seems i'm better, until I take my zoloft in the morning. Then my mind starts going and the sweating and everything. I'm sorry, venting....

February 17, 2018

On 2/15/2018 at 2:17 PM, samanthaelizabeth said:

I don't feel like anyone reads my posts, I know there are others that are suffering more. But, I still need some support/advice. It seems like everyone has support from their spouses or loved ones My husband doesn't tolerate this and doesn't understand. This could very well lead to the end of my marriage, if I don't fake it. How do others (anyone feel free to answer) cope /act around their spouses? Do you fake it? Act as if? I just feel so sad about this whole situation and I feel weak, like I can't believe i'm not handling this well. I am very disappointed in myself, mad that I even let this happen. I know, I know emotional spiral right? Sometimes, I feel like my life is over and I don't want it to be. I used to love life and I want to be a happy again. Will tapering actually make me happy again? It doesn't seem like my regular dose is doing anything, although it's only been a month since I reinstated. But then again I was only fully off of it for one day, with a 1 week taper. Maybe I need more time to stablize before I taper? But what about this awful sweating? I'm going to end up in the hospital for dehydration. Sorry to bother you all, I guess I really do need counseling to figure this out. What in Gods name to I tell the counselor? Sometimes I think about moving out and just living by myself where there are no expectations. I have company coming this weekend and don't really feel like being a hostess.

I am reading your posts, even if you don't see me respond to all of them.

samanthaelizabeth: How do you manage to keep working while taper off

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