India: withdrawal (dissociation) after 9 years on citalopram

[Superwoman]

Let us know how the MRI turns out India.  Take care. 

[hayduke]

Hey India, good luck with the scans.  I hope whatever's ailing you is transient.

[India]

@Superwoman and @hayduke just logged in. Thank you so much for your support. As Covid-18 situation really  hit just after MRI, I suspect it may be 6 months before I get my results. Most people in WD seem to come up with a clear MRI. Cognitive struggles still there. As you  all know, it's hard, the grief is always there, the symptoms contain a grief, they keep you locked, they are a continued reminder of the prison you cannot escape. The wasted years that could have been full, full to the brim. Yes, I struggle with acceptance. I think I always will.We all hope for a miracle. Screen too bright, arms detached from brain ( rest of body too).

[hayduke]

Hey India, hope things start to improve soon.

 

Try not to fixate on physical damage, better to focus on healing as best you can.  Let your body do its thing

 

Upside to covid-19 situation is not having to leave the house much during wds!

 

Have you read

 

[India]

Wooly brain-fogged head and no worse , yet no better. Life suspended. Beyond good and bad I suppose. This is the new normal of nearly 2 years.

i tend to find i cannot ignore the shadow side and have always tended towards writing it for therapeutic and cathartic reasons. But it’s a bete noire for many, I know. And @hayduke I appreciate you are gently directing me towards a different focus..

I do see the validity in this.

i suppose this is an outlet. The experience is very circular. Part of it all, the nature of it. 

Tiny tiny progress in the sense of not going backwards.

[India]

In a terrible wave again. 

[sunnysideup69]

On 4/29/2020 at 3:47 PM, India said:

In a terrible wave again. 

 

Hi India, sending you good wishes and strength, as much as I can through the ether. I can so relate to what you wrote about 'the new normal' of two years, above...similar time frame for me.

And in another two years, there will be another 'new normal.' Life constantly moves and changes. 

Wishing this wave ends for you very soon  

[JasonBarton]

India, I'm sorry you're having such a complex and protracted experience.

 

I'm writing to thank you for your response to my introductory post in February. You were very kind to do so. Although I didn't fully articulate the medication-related destabilization I've experienced for decades, I did describe the intensity of my reaction to my mom's death last year.

 

In response, you recommended Carl Rogers and a humanistic approach to therapy. It's funny you did so. One day, years ago, c. 1998, I devoured one of his books (metaphorically-speaking) over the course of several hours in a Manhattan Barnes & Noble - a reading strategy I've utilized for decades! His philosophy resonates w/ me to this day.

 

Also, I see you're in London. My mom loved London, as do I, although I haven't thought about it much since medication hijacked my life decades ago. (Throughout high school, a London Tube map adorned my bedroom wall). In fact, I lived there as a child w/ my family (Frognal Lane, Hampstead) and later as a student, several decades ago! (49 Harrington Gardens, SW7).

 

I've scanned your recent posts, so I can't respond to your entire experience. However, your underlying distress is palpable.

 

Q: Have you ever used a compounding pharmacy?

 

They're capable of formulating a discontinuation dose with far greater precision than any individual can from the safety of his or her home. Doing so does not guarantee a smoother transition. Several years ago, I utilized a compounder to manufacture Effexor XR in incremental doses from 150 to 75 mg. However, I still experienced the most violent and destabilizing symptoms imaginable - intense depression, episodic rage, etc. Thus, they aren't a panacea.

 

However, discontinuation is the most destabilizing experience imaginable - akin to illicit drug withdrawal - as you and I can each attest. Thus, removing as many variables as possible is an optimized strategy for approaching the process.

 

Last month, I located a state-of-the-art facility near me. In consultation with my psychiatric resident, they manufactured a batch of 5 mgs capsules - more than 200 - to assist me in titrating from 37.5 mg to 0. Despite their help, I still experienced palpable instability last week when I transitioned from 30 to 25 mg.

 

Yet, I'm certain that asking a compounding pharmacy utilizing modern, manufacturing techniques and scales offers far greater precision than anything I could have formulated myself.

 

Several years ago, I participated in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). One tenet I found empowering was the notion that each of us knows him- or herself better than anyone else - including our psychiatrists. Thus, if and when you're ready to reduce your medications - ideally, one-at-a-time - you might consult a compounding pharmacy near you to determine their capabilities.

 

Hang in there!

 

Cheers, Jason

 

C'mon You Spurs!

[India]

Gia Carangi:
Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, and above.

[India]

On 5/9/2020 at 1:51 AM, JasonBarton said:

India, I'm sorry you're having such a complex and protracted experience.

 

I'm writing to thank you for your response to my introductory post in February. You were very kind to do so. Although I didn't fully articulate the medication-related destabilization I've experienced for decades, I did describe the intensity of my reaction to my mom's death last year.

 

In response, you recommended Carl Rogers and a humanistic approach to therapy. It's funny you did so. One day, years ago, c. 1998, I devoured one of his books (metaphorically-speaking) over the course of several hours in a Manhattan Barnes & Noble - a reading strategy I've utilized for decades! His philosophy resonates w/ me to this day.

 

Also, I see you're in London. My mom loved London, as do I, although I haven't thought about it much since medication hijacked my life decades ago. (Throughout high school, a London Tube map adorned my bedroom wall). In fact, I lived there as a child w/ my family (Frognal Lane, Hampstead) and later as a student, several decades ago! (49 Harrington Gardens, SW7).

 

I've scanned your recent posts, so I can't respond to your entire experience. However, your underlying distress is palpable.

 

Q: Have you ever used a compounding pharmacy?

 

They're capable of formulating a discontinuation dose with far greater precision than any individual can from the safety of his or her home. Doing so does not guarantee a smoother transition. Several years ago, I utilized a compounder to manufacture Effexor XR in incremental doses from 150 to 75 mg. However, I still experienced the most violent and destabilizing symptoms imaginable - intense depression, episodic rage, etc. Thus, they aren't a panacea.

 

However, discontinuation is the most destabilizing experience imaginable - akin to illicit drug withdrawal - as you and I can each attest. Thus, removing as many variables as possible is an optimized strategy for approaching the process.

 

Last month, I located a state-of-the-art facility near me. In consultation with my psychiatric resident, they manufactured a batch of 5 mgs capsules - more than 200 - to assist me in titrating from 37.5 mg to 0. Despite their help, I still experienced palpable instability last week when I transitioned from 30 to 25 mg.

 

Yet, I'm certain that asking a compounding pharmacy utilizing modern, manufacturing techniques and scales offers far greater precision than anything I could have formulated myself.

 

Several years ago, I participated in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). One tenet I found empowering was the notion that each of us knows him- or herself better than anyone else - including our psychiatrists. Thus, if and when you're ready to reduce your medications - ideally, one-at-a-time - you might consult a compounding pharmacy near you to determine their capabilities.

 

Hang in there!

 

Cheers, Jason

 

C'mon You Spurs!

@JasonBarton

Thank you for your kind and generous reply. I am too disabled and weak to respond rightfully  right now but I will respond . 

I left the words of Già Carangi which I feel deep in my soul right now . It wouldn't  surprise me if this death  of soul and life will result in my physical  death. In the way heartbreak causes breath.  

As if the universe had conspired, I lost my therapist( 2 weeks ago), my sister and a lover in one day, after I collapsed and fragmented in neuro-terror, in turn causing , what can only be described as  gaslighting or severe invalidation  left right and centre causing more destabilising since I am reliant on these ppl they are all I have left. 

Only a dear confident I met on this site gave me a comfort and kindness I cannot find in my physical life . 

 

I  am in one of the darkest place I have ever been in my life. 

I will simply scream if hear anyone tell me to “think more positively”. This chemical injury has stolen everything and had me on my knees begging. I’ve had to re-experience the trauma and powerlessness of relying on unpredictable and inconsistent caregivers. Never knowing where the next sabotage or abandonment would occur. But still living in the deep love and craving and shame that permeated my childhood . A mixture of damage and pain and guilt, loyalty and love. At once a desperate need to be close and a fear of loss whilst also feeling I simply cannot trust these intimate figures . 

 

I was left for many many months crawling around my flat due to severe balance and executive dysfunction unable to look after myself. No one believed me when I told them I couldn’t get dressed or pick clothes or read or think or get out of bed. The trauma of this despair I will never ever forget. 

 

I am lost right now in deep emotional pain. Terrified of my fate. 

The world is cruel and there are many people, systems and structures willing to exploit the fragile and vulnerable. 

 

I dont think you can make it without true consistent support from immediate family and friends. I have none of that. No one. 

I only have the helpline the Samaritans and my confidant but she has her own struggles . Can you?

 

The worst of it all. I cannot “think”. I cannot make decisions. My brain is disabled .   

 

I am dying. I am dying. A slow and intractable death. With every blow I die a bit more. It’s a fate beyond my control. 

What agency do any of us who are so disabled truly have against the forces we become reliant on. Individualism is a neo-liberal capitalist concept .

 

People really do kick ppl when they are down. I’ve experienced this over and over. They see a way to exploit a disempowered person as if by instinct. It is hard to still believe in humanity when you’ve experienced this so many times. You witness it but you have no power with which to voice yourself- you are silenced .Interpersonally,  this is devastating because you have the least defence. 

 

@JasonBartonI think about parallels between your mother and mine and feel your pain.

 

I spent a lot of time in a beautiful flat ( not mine )  in Frognal Lane by the Heath in 2010.  After escaping a traumatic relationship the years previous. It saved me.. The beauty of that summer. 

 

More anon.

[Altostrata]

Hello, India. I am sorry you are feeling so poorly.

 

It is highly unlikely you have organic brain damage from psychiatric drugs, however much it may feel like it.

 

What exactly are you taking now, at what dosages and what times of day? Your signature stops in November 2019 at 4.77mg citalopram.

[JasonBarton]

India, the depth of your distress is crystalline. I, too, have felt bereft, disempowered, profoundly alone and/or suicidal, at many times in my life. In my experience, once you've accumulated as many destabilizing factors as you have - situational, neurochemical - it's profoundly difficult to gain any perspective at all. Thus, it's vital to have someone act as a case-manager, of sorts, when you're feeling as impaired as you clearly are.

 

In your case, I think a well-informed psychiatrist might be helpful, or even better, a psychotherapist to help advocate for you or help you to advocate for yourself.

 

It sounds like you've recently broken-off your relationship w your therapist. Can you reconnect? Or, do you have a psychological referral service you can contact?

 

It's hard to think about your future, much less tomorrow, when you feel as if you're drowning. Ideally, a therapist can offer an organizational framework so you don't feel like you're treading water to survive. When you're in the throes of instability, as you clearly are, it's impossible to make sense of anything.

[bhasski]

On 5/31/2020 at 6:19 AM, India said:

@JasonBarton

Thank you for your kind and generous reply. I am too disabled and weak to respond rightfully  right now but I will respond . 

I left the words of Già Carangi which I feel deep in my soul right now . It wouldn't  surprise me if this death  of soul and life will result in my physical  death. In the way heartbreak causes breath.  

As if the universe had conspired, I lost my therapist( 2 weeks ago), my sister and a lover in one day, after I collapsed and fragmented in neuro-terror, in turn causing , what can only be described as  gaslighting or severe invalidation  left right and centre causing more destabilising since I am reliant on these ppl they are all I have left. 

Only a dear confident I met on this site gave me a comfort and kindness I cannot find in my physical life . 

 

I  am in one of the darkest place I have ever been in my life. 

I will simply scream if hear anyone tell me to “think more positively”. This chemical injury has stolen everything and had me on my knees begging. I’ve had to re-experience the trauma and powerlessness of relying on unpredictable and inconsistent caregivers. Never knowing where the next sabotage or abandonment would occur. But still living in the deep love and craving and shame that permeated my childhood . A mixture of damage and pain and guilt, loyalty and love. At once a desperate need to be close and a fear of loss whilst also feeling I simply cannot trust these intimate figures . 

 

I was left for many many months crawling around my flat due to severe balance and executive dysfunction unable to look after myself. No one believed me when I told them I couldn’t get dressed or pick clothes or read or think or get out of bed. The trauma of this despair I will never ever forget. 

 

I am lost right now in deep emotional pain. Terrified of my fate. 

The world is cruel and there are many people, systems and structures willing to exploit the fragile and vulnerable. 

 

I dont think you can make it without true consistent support from immediate family and friends. I have none of that. No one. 

I only have the helpline the Samaritans and my confidant but she has her own struggles . Can you?

 

The worst of it all. I cannot “think”. I cannot make decisions. My brain is disabled .   

 

I am dying. I am dying. A slow and intractable death. With every blow I die a bit more. It’s a fate beyond my control. 

What agency do any of us who are so disabled truly have against the forces we become reliant on. Individualism is a neo-liberal capitalist concept .

 

People really do kick ppl when they are down. I’ve experienced this over and over. They see a way to exploit a disempowered person as if by instinct. It is hard to still believe in humanity when you’ve experienced this so many times. You witness it but you have no power with which to voice yourself- you are silenced .Interpersonally,  this is devastating because you have the least defence. 

 

@JasonBartonI think about parallels between your mother and mine and feel your pain.

 

I spent a lot of time in a beautiful flat ( not mine )  in Frognal Lane by the Heath in 2010.  After escaping a traumatic relationship the years previous. It saved me.. The beauty of that summer. 

 

More anon.

 

One thing you know , you will get better.

Keep holding .. keep titrating... Keep faith.

I can understand the pain of disability and indecisiveness ,  and also I am not saying I am well enough now.

 

I am struggling every day , more every night. Doing things , then forgetting altogether. 

 

Well, I met many people at SA, they helped... I cannot even call 5 names , unable as my memory serves. 

 

It will get over I believe.

[Monty95]

Hi India,

I'm so sorry you're struggling so much right now. I can really relate to how isolating it feels to have such a debilitating condition that is so poorly understood or recognised by medicine and more generally. I agree that without a really strong support network & understanding from friends/family it would be beyond difficult to begin to address any of this and I don't wonder that it sounds like you've reached such a low point. Like Alto I just wanted to reassure you about the possibility of any organic damage, I remember being absolutely convinced of & panicked about atrophy of my frontal lobe, there was pretty much nil activity in there for 6 months or so, it was completely numb & towards the end I remember not knowing how to dress myself because I couldn't work out what to put where in which order. Not only did my MRI/CT show no atrophy but I'm completely fine now in that regard and if there's any difference in my functioning from pre withdrawal its not discernible to me. From what I understand function is a result of homeostasis with signalling pathways etc. You probably don't want to hear this & I didn't either at the time but it took reinstating the full dose of the AD to eliminate the withdrawal symptoms for me & it took a while, I think several months & a few weeks of pretty horrible symptoms from reinstating to get back to my pre withdrawal function (With a few leftover symptoms, I still have visual snow & seizures,  although I had a stroke around the same time so it could be down to that). I'm not sure how you feel you were functioning on citalopram or your reasons for wanting to stop taking it but I just want to emphasise that it is an option you may want to explore if you feel your current symptoms are intolerable. Also I remember reading one of Dr Shipko's books & his observation was that with patients who had windows and waves in withdrawal but showed a general trend towards improvement that recovery was the likely outcome. Its only one observation from what he acknowledges may be a biased sample but I still give it some weight as I think it sounds like we fit into that sample ie. people really struggling with severe protracted withdrawal. In my case symptoms were either stable or worsening over many months so if that's the case it might be worth rolling the dice with another strategy? I don't know & I don't want to give advice ,I know everyone is different, I'm just sharing my experience. I agree with Jason that a good psychiatrist would be invaluable just to give some input and support. Please know that there are people out there who do care and understand although it may not feel that way right now & that your situation is not hopeless! Also I just wanted to say you have a real talent for writing, its very evocative & beautiful. Hope you're hanging in there and feeling a bit better now

[Longroadhome]

@India

 

hang in there you’re  in a wave 

I know exactly how you feel I’m also tapering and have had symptoms all the way through. 
 

I know it will get better all our journeys are unique and we have to travel the road of pain to find recovery . There’s only one way and that’s tapering slowly off the med. 
 

you are on such a small dose now. 
 

keep going

stay strong

recovery is just a small journey ahead

 

take care LRH 
 

[hayduke]

*hugs*

[Purplerain]

Hi India, just wanted to send some love. Really hear the pain and suffering you've been experiencing. Thinking of you and praying you're OK. Come back and update us soon xx

[jozeff]

Hi India,

 

How are you doing?

 

You've been tremendously helpful to me and others in the past and I hope you are doing a lot better!

 

Hoping to hear from you

 

😘😘 sending hugs

 

Jozeff

[hayduke]

India good buddy, got yer ears on?

 

How’s it all going?

[Carmie]

Hi India, 

 

How are you doing? Looks like a lot of people are concerned about you. 
 

I haven’t been on SA for ages, and am trying to catch up with different ones again slowly. 
 

I know that you really struggle, and I’m so sorry, just want to send you some big hugs🤗

[Altostrata]

@India, how are you?

[Cage190]

On 6/3/2020 at 10:20 PM, Monty95 said:

Hi India,

I'm so sorry you're struggling so much right now. I can really relate to how isolating it feels to have such a debilitating condition that is so poorly understood or recognised by medicine and more generally. I agree that without a really strong support network & understanding from friends/family it would be beyond difficult to begin to address any of this and I don't wonder that it sounds like you've reached such a low point. Like Alto I just wanted to reassure you about the possibility of any organic damage, I remember being absolutely convinced of & panicked about atrophy of my frontal lobe, there was pretty much nil activity in there for 6 months or so, it was completely numb & towards the end I remember not knowing how to dress myself because I couldn't work out what to put where in which order. Not only did my MRI/CT show no atrophy but I'm completely fine now in that regard and if there's any difference in my functioning from pre withdrawal its not discernible to me. From what I understand function is a result of homeostasis with signalling pathways etc. You probably don't want to hear this & I didn't either at the time but it took reinstating the full dose of the AD to eliminate the withdrawal symptoms for me & it took a while, I think several months & a few weeks of pretty horrible symptoms from reinstating to get back to my pre withdrawal function (With a few leftover symptoms, I still have visual snow & seizures,  although I had a stroke around the same time so it could be down to that). I'm not sure how you feel you were functioning on citalopram or your reasons for wanting to stop taking it but I just want to emphasise that it is an option you may want to explore if you feel your current symptoms are intolerable. Also I remember reading one of Dr Shipko's books & his observation was that with patients who had windows and waves in withdrawal but showed a general trend towards improvement that recovery was the likely outcome. Its only one observation from what he acknowledges may be a biased sample but I still give it some weight as I think it sounds like we fit into that sample ie. people really struggling with severe protracted withdrawal. In my case symptoms were either stable or worsening over many months so if that's the case it might be worth rolling the dice with another strategy? I don't know & I don't want to give advice ,I know everyone is different, I'm just sharing my experience. I agree with Jason that a good psychiatrist would be invaluable just to give some input and support. Please know that there are people out there who do care and understand although it may not feel that way right now & that your situation is not hopeless! Also I just wanted to say you have a real talent for writing, its very evocative & beautiful. Hope you're hanging in there and feeling a bit better now

 

How many months took for you to get back to your pre withdrawal condition after reinstantment?

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

@India Just wanted to say we are still thinking of you. 

[India]

There is no change. I can only say I breathe. It is no life. I am still injured and physically ill. 

Worse because of the accumulation of suffering. 

The only change is that I am on 2.25mg

[Armorall]

Hang in there, India! Everyone turns the corner at a different pace. It will come ❤️ 
You're getting it done. 

[hayduke]

4 hours ago, India said:

There is no change. I can only say I breathe. It is no life. I am still injured and physically ill. 

Worse because of the accumulation of suffering. 

The only change is that I am on 2.25mg

 

So pleased to hear from you India.  And still tapering!

 

One foot in front of the other hon, sooner or later the weather's bound to change.  Even if it goes one way it will go the other too

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

15 hours ago, India said:

There is no change. I can only say I breathe. It is no life. I am still injured and physically ill. 

Worse because of the accumulation of suffering. 

The only change is that I am on 2.25mg

We are so glad to hear from you! I was so glad when I saw that you posted. I’m sorry your symptoms are still with you. I have been following your journey and been wanting good things for you. Keep persevering. That’s all any of us can do. I hope to hear from you again, regardless of where you are at that time. 

[Vasherr]

Hi, @India,

 

long time has passed since Your last update, how are You doing lately?

 

Wishing You a lifelong window!

V.

[hayduke]

Hope things are ok there @India

[India]

Hello all,

 

I wanted to thank those who supported me through those first few years @jozeff @intothewoods and many of you.

 

I've come back to update .. Perhaps at some point, I will re-read and reframe my posts from a further place of healing. It is no secret that it has been a brutal journey, as many of my posts reference. Many of you know and have suffered in parallel. Most of the posts here are a reflection of what it is like to be immersed in  that suffering-- to be in the neurological storm of limbic kindling, the litany of symptoms created by the chemical injury, neurological hypersensitivites, to experience the nervous system shattered. Just how isolating it can be to experience what is mostly unrecognised . The unbelievable  nature of it-- both for ourselves and for others. It's profound shock.  What I have spoken less of are all those moments of healing I have experienced on this long road, even if not fully healed. All those moments are a cause for hope. 

 

In the words of George Harrison:  'It's getting worse/and it's getting better'. I think for me, that's the arc of all of this. That I keep walking towards the sun even if the sargasso ( sea weeds) envelops me.

 

Very simply my story is-- I had suffered life trauma , I took SSRI's for it , after 12 years, I  withdrew suddenly,  6 years ago and my body and brain went into shock. I believe also I am suffering from legacy effects. I had some preexisting physical health issues. All created the perfect storm.

 

I believe my journey has been such a long one because of a very simple reason--- I have experienced a very bad trauma on top of trying to recover from this ,  that has impacted the damaged neuro- pathways-- and slowed healing.  I lost much of what I call  'the material world'. I do grieve that profound shattering. 

 

I do not think others will experience such a long ascent to heal. It's possible to heal. We all have to try to believe that even if we hold the truth of what it is to know hell, what it  is to grieve, as we try to retrieve our lives, like Orpheus, who descended the underworld to find his wife.

 

My main news is that I am however down to 0.8mg of Celexa or Citalopram and I'm still here.

 

Cold water therapy helped me immensely throughout this-- especially in nature, even when I couldn't balance-- I could float. It probably saved my life. Just like nature has-- the stars can be seen from the bedroom, the moon too. Like Sylvia Plath said, 'something else hauls me through air'

..the sea, the moon, the stars, the forest, magnetic

We are hauled by something greater than us.

Something that knows, more than us.

 

All the healing to you all.

 

For now that's all I can write.

 

 

 

[India]

and thank you every one for your messages of support. In this liminal world where strangers become confidants.

[Carmie]

How wonderful to hear from you again @India, sending you the biggest hugs🤗🤗🤗

[India]

@Carmie thank you I appreciate that and hope you are healing too. 

I've come back with a healing resources list which I will post separately.

[India]

Here is a list of some of my healing resources that have kept me going over the years.

 

Podcasts:

Norman Dodige- Neuroplasticity ( book available) https://www.normandoidge.com/

-The Ghost in my Brain—youtube—professor who recovered from a brain injury

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvoKA6NnsSs

The Brain Recovery Coach—Nathalie Kelly youtube ( Shares tips from Hawaii Neurological Centre)

https://www.youtube.com/c/NathalieKelly

Heal Documentary and Podcast (Gaia and YouTube) Kelly Nonan Gores

https://www.healdocumentary.com/

Netflix documentary—My Beautiful Broken Brain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSfpA3AEKmY

Hay House—

Louise Hay, meditations https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cubm1bJ90Hs&t=2231s

Wayne Dyer,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cubm1bJ90Hs&t=2231s

Joe Dipenza  _{https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiz14yIuBZM}

Meditations- various – forest walk etc…….

Spiritual : Ram Dass talks on youtube and Spotify

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgaZ5Fqt2Ds

Chanting OM etc, hits some somatic place of release.

Prayer to some other spiritual force beyond me ( when need to find way out of the vortex of trauma/neurological shattering).

(The perennial philosophy (Latin: philosophia perennis),^{[note 1]} also referred to as perennialism and perennial wisdom, is a perspective in philosophy and spirituality that views religious traditions as sharing a single, metaphysical truth or origin from which all esoteric and exoteric knowledge and doctrine has grown.)

‘Stutz’ on Netflix—Jonah’s Hill therapists— lots of superb tips on how to recover in the face of existential factors beyond our control. https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/stutz-the-tools

----short term – ‘string of pearls’—momentum—tiny actions have as much weight as larger ones.

Dr. Rangan Chattergee ( British Integrative Physician) Youtube podcasts

https://www.youtube.com/@DrChatterjeeRangan

Will Hall DipIPW various podcasts--- Jungian body centred somatic perspective—various—see website

Dr. Kelly Brogan—A mind of one’s own.

Wim Hof podcasts ( and The Goop)—Cold Water Therapy. This has been best when done in the wild though when not possible—cold showers.

https://www.wimhofmethod.com/cold-water-immersion

I have also used intense warmth ( creating a sauna by using hot baths/steam).

Vidyamala Burch

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcU2so8bqB8CP7XD-892_Xg/featured

Movement—free movement of my own—closest to yoga—somatic regaining of my own body.

Art therapy—Pinterest—various art sites—documentaries on artists such as Frida Kahlo, Georga O Keefe, Marina Abramovic, abstract expressionists. Immerse my brain in this as much as I can.

Gardener’s World—Monty Don documentaries on world gardens—see youtube ( or BBC)—immersed myself in the world of nature

‘The school of life’ philosopher-Alain de Botton both youtube ( and brief articles). https://www.youtube.com/user/schooloflifechannel

I removed ‘news’ from my life- I rarely watch any. Refocused on the healing properties of creativity—and life’s beauty: art, poetry, music. Dancing to music or laying down and listening.

Red light therapy—bought home bulb

Movement—in green space ( luckily have access to a tree fringed garden part time)..

Focus on healing and what flows, inspite  of grief—refocusing helped me focus on WIN ( what’s important now--- what can I change)—not lessening the trauma—but empowerment where you can. Victor Frankl—Man’s Search for Meaning – a Holocaust survivor who lived this philosophy.

Like all the spiritual greats spoke of--- I had to recommit to a process of forgiving—--- it was – a need to free up all my energy for my own healing and to accept the human failings of those around me. Maybe oneday I will revisit the legitimate anger I hold,  in a therapeutic space,  but for now it’s boxed whilst I try to heal, or at least now I try to transform it into a healing action. I think it could be called a re-orientation of perspective, like gratitude.

 

 

[India]

How do I change the tags that keep appearing on each posts. I feel there are more relevant ones to add and some need to be omitted. Many thanks.