Peachy: one day at a time ...

[Peachy]

Hello all!

 

I have been trolling this site for over two years for re-assurance. I decided its finally time to participate. My story is a long and confusing one, but I will attempt a quick overview.

 

I have always had attention problems. I guess you could say "ADD". I had never experienced depression or anxiety. Never. 

I was having a rough time staying afloat in college, around the age of 20, so I decided to give the ADD drug Concerta a try. I had seen a commercial for it, or course. This drug totally changed my personality and entered me into the psych drug world. I am now 37 years old, and dealing with the ramifications. 

 

I soon became anorexic, which led to mild depression. I decided to go off the concerta, but did so cold turkey. The rest of my story is a roller coaster. I developed extreme anxiety and panic, depression and mild intrusive thoughts. From there i quickly started anti-depressants, (also bc of a commercial with a happy bouncy ball)  because I thought I was loosing my mind, which seemed to help. Decided to go off them eventually, cold-turkey, and hell began. Panic, scary intrusive thoughts, extreme depression. Back on and off anti-depressants, never able to get off, and never understood why. Just thought that I had mysteriously become severely mentally ill out of nowhere.I could never fathom that the drugs were my problem. 

 

From there I have been on and off (all cold-turkey) many varieties and cocktails of antidepressants, ADD meds, and even a trial of Lamictal. 

Throughout this I also developed extreme stomach issues. Guess what they prescribed me for this? You guessed it, more psych drugs. 

 

There were many attempts to get off these drugs, as I never felt I was truly mentally unstable, and never believed I really belonged on them. The last time I attempted to go off, I was taking a cocktail of 15mg Lexapro, 150mg Welbutrin, and 5 mg Adderall. I did so at a "treatment center" that helped people come off these drugs. I was "tapered" off all the drugs within a 3 week period. You can guess what happened when I returned home. This is the first time in my life I have ever felt suicidal. It was rough. Very rough. Still, I never thought this could be caused from WD. 

 

At this point I was told that this was a sign that I really needed these drugs, so I was put back on the original doses. This helped, but did not stabilize me. I had to go to raise my dose to 20mg Lexapro. Bam, all symptoms gone. No more instrusive thoughts, no more depression. This is where I stayed for 9 more years. 20 mg Lexapro, 150mg welburtrin (for side effects of lexapro) and adderall. 

 

5 years ago I went off of the Welbutrin bc of the cost. I may have had WD, but nothing severe. Now just left without any sexual desires. 

 

2.5 years ago I went off the adderall, bc I couldn't get it living abroad. This I did cold turkey. I had pretty bad WD's, but nothing too disabling. Some breakthrough depression, extreme fatigue, moodiness, problems concentrating. 

 

After reading Kelly Brogan's Book, and doing a lot of research, I finally realized what had happened to me 15 years earlier, and why I couldn't get off this poison. My husband and I both agreed that I had to give this a real try. I owed it to myself, and we want to have a baby. I'm already 37 at this point, so I may not have much more time.  Also for as long as he can remember, I have been dreaming about getting off my drugs. My physical health has been extremely declining ever since trying my first ADD med in college.  And you know what it has done to my mental health. 

 

First I went to a well known Functional Medicine Doctor. This has been my second biggest mistake, after trying psych meds. I was put on a TON of supplements, which severely destabilized me. Possibly even Serotonin Syndrome. Next I went to a psychiatrist, who "understands" the damage from these drugs, and was told that I needed to immediately start tapering off my meds, by 1mg a week. She told me that all of the supplements I was taking really messed up my once stable medication, and now my Lexapro had gone paradoxical and was harming me. You can imagine what followed, with an already unstable nervous system. 

 

This brings me to today. I am still tapering, bc, REALLY, what other choice do I have? I have since seen improvement from where I was 2 years ago, but I am still very disabled, and not able to work. I have really slowed my tapering roll, less than the 10% per month, which still brings giant waves with each taper. I also become completely un-hinged around each menstraul cycle. Yup, once a month I loose it folks. 

 

I am now down to 5.5mg of just Lexapro. The symptoms that I have are to many to write, but the worst of them being horrible/scary intrusive thoughts, waves of suicidal thinking and depression, DP, Anhedonia, extreme agitation and anger (neuro-emotions), anxiety and panic, fatigue, muscle aches and pains, work-out intolerance, skipped heartbeats, migraines, disruption of my hormones and menstrual cycle, more stomach issues, chemical sensitivities, supplement and drug sensitivity  (I can't even tolerate acupunture), inability to connect with people and loved ones, etc. I am a shell of the person I once was. Some days I have windows, but never a complete remission, I'm just able to tolerate life better on these days. 

 

So thats my story in a nutshell. It was meant to be a short summary, but can you really summarize how psych meds have stolen your life? This post seems to becoming from a very negative place, but I really haven't lost hope. I still do hope that I can heal. If you would tell me that I could heal, but it would take 3 more years. I could deal with that. Its the uncertainty thats getting me the most. Also the fact that I'm not even off these drugs yet! Will it def get worse, will it improve even if I'm not off?

 

I hope to write back here in a year, when I'm done with my taper, that Im still healing. Only time will tell? 

 

Thanks, and sorry for a bummer of a story

 

xx

 

Peachy

 

15-20 mg Lexapro for 15 years,

150 mg Welbutrin for 6-8 years,

5mg Adderall for 8 years

 

NOW: May 1st, 2018 - 5.5mg Lexapro, using less than the 10% taper method. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[FarmGirlWorks]

Hi again, @Peachy. There are a lot of "bummer" stories here, so no probs there. Read your story and just wanted to say that I hear you and am so sorry that you are going thru with this but you will def come out and that is so cool you are planning to get pregnant. And, apparently, from what I have gleaned here, monthly cycles in WD are pure craziness. While many days feel crazy, always it is amped up then. Totally normal.

[wantrelief]

Thank you for sharing your story, Peachy.  You have been through a lot!   I read your story as one of strength and perseverance.  You are down from 3 meds to 1 and are at 5.5 mg of Lexapro - that is great!!  I share many of the same symptoms as you so really empathize. The uncertainty of all of this is what gets me too, probably most of us really, so you are in good company.  It is good to "meet you", Peachy!

[Peachy]

@wantrelief, nice to "meet" you as well! And thanks for saying that. It means a lot. I guess it would feel like more of a success if I wasn't having so many symptoms... even with the taper.  Are you having symptoms with each small drop?

xx

[Peachy]

@FarmGirlWorks, thanks for the support! I really want to have a baby, but it feels way to scary to have one while I'm still having WD symptoms. I'm afraid pregnancy will just make it worse. So basically I can't have one until WD lessons to a much lesser degree, and who knows when that will be. makes me very sad

 

[Peachy]

re-read my post and realized i wrote "trolling", and I meant "stalking"

[Carmie]

17 minutes ago, Peachy said:

re-read my post and realized i wrote "trolling", and I meant "stalking"

 

Hey peachy, 

you cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh🤣.

 

I just read your thread and I wish you all the best with your tapering.

 

You asked whether you can still get withdrawals while tapering small doses. A lot of people still do. I get withdrawals from just tapering by 5%. I can’t taper by 10% as it’s too high for me and will put me into a major wave. 

 

Everyone is different though and you will only know by trial and error. Just don’t taper over 10% and make sure you hold for at least a month if not longer. Sometimes you may not be too bad a couple of weeks after your taper but the withdrawals may not really kick in until a few weeks after that  n if you taper too soon the withdrawals may be more severe. It’s accumulativ

 

 

Sending hugs🤗🤗

[wantrelief]

1 hour ago, Peachy said:

@wantrelief, nice to "meet" you as well! And thanks for saying that. It means a lot. I guess it would feel like more of a success if I wasn't having so many symptoms... even with the taper.  Are you having symptoms with each small drop?

xx

It is still a success symptoms or not!

 

I started my taper having symptoms.  I am not quite sure what happened but I think I am in tolerance or "poopout".  I tried increasing my dose and held for several months but the symptoms never changed.  So now I am trying to decrease.  I am trying to do small decreases so as not to upset my already messed up CNS.  So far the drops haven't made too much of an impact on the symptoms, thankfully.  But, I am just in the beginning of this taper so am still unsure how it is going to go as I continue to drop.  😕  

 

Did you start your taper with the symptoms you have now or have they developed as you have tapered?  

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Peachy.

 

Are you taking only 5.5mg Lexapro now? No other drugs?

 

When was the last time you decreased Lexapro? What is your tapering method?  What time of day do you take your drugs, do your symptoms follow any daily pattern?

 

Please stop tapering for the time being.

[Peachy]

@Altostrata yes, I'm only taking 5.5mg lexapro now, no other drugs. 

The last decrease was just a week ago. I've been going down by .25mg a month, sometimes I make it slower with a .125mg tapper for 2 weeks, then down another .125mg... if that makes sense? So far thats less than the 10%. In the beginning I was going much faster by 1mg drops weekly, but quickly stoped that as I was a mess. For awhile after that I was going down by like 5% every 4-8 weeks. 

 

I take my drugs at night. They had always made me sleepy in the past, so thats when I always took them... I'm not necessarily having insomnia, maybe more like an inability to get a really good deep sleep. I wake easily and usually startled. This is not normal for me. But I do sleep. In the beginning I was sleeping too much. This was more of a depression and deep fatigue sleep.

 

I had a horrible reaction to my drugs/maybe supplement combo, after 15 years, before I ever started tapering. I am actually in a MUCH better place (most days) than I was in the beginning. Still not normal or healed. not even close. I really just want to be off this. I feel like my body wont fully repair without being fully off? does that make sense? Do you really feel I should stop tapering? For how long? The problem is that no matter how long I wait between drops, I never feel totally normal and without symptoms. 

 

My current symptoms that I have a really hard time with are mood swings, irrational anger/irritation (that I never act out on), and the worst of the worst being aggressive/scary intrusive thoughts and urges. Also the severe depression that comes with my menstral cycle. Oh, and I do have problems with loud noises, bright lights, etc. Do you think a mirco micro dose of Iamotrigine could help with any of these symptoms, and stabalize me enough to keep going, and healing?

 

Thank you all!

[Altostrata]

17 minutes ago, Peachy said:

In the beginning I was going much faster by 1mg drops weekly, but quickly stoped that as I was a mess

 

Peachy, you have withdrawal symptoms from reducing Lexapro too fast on top of going off the other drugs. When did you stop decreasing by 1mg weekly?

 

If I were you, I'd stop tapering for a good long while and let your nervous system settle down. This is far safer than adding another drug.

 

If you're sensitive to light, etc., it's a good idea to cut down that kind of stimulation. For example, you'll want to keep your bedroom very dark, this will help sleep. See Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

 

 

[Peachy]

Altostrata,

I haven't gone down by 1mg weekly in 2 years. I only did that the first few drops. And the Welbutrin I had been off of for over 6 years before tapering the Lexapro. It was just the Adderrall that I came off of the year before the taper. Do you think by holding for a good long period I might stabalize, then be more stable for the rest of the taper? I really want off this stuff... as you can see  One of my biggest motivators is getting pregnant, and according to my gyno, I have 3 years tops. I know that my safety and mental health is the biggest priority, but it's my goal. 

Thanks!

[Dan998]

Hi Peachy.

 

Your desire to get off the drugs is totally understandable. Many people on this site, myself included, have rushed their taper and later regretted it. You can only go as fast as your brain will allow. Try to rush things and you will suffer from withdrawal symptoms that could have been easily avoided.

 

Reaching your destination isn't the most important thing. It's about harm reduction and getting there in one piece. It's not a race. If it takes a little longer than you expected than so be it.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Altostrata]

It might be a good idea to hold for 2 months or more right now.

[Peachy]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

It might be a good idea to hold for 2 months or more right now.

Thank you for the advice. I think I will try it and see if more symptoms let up. I'm doubtful much will change in 2 months, since I've been dealing with WD for 2 years, but it's worth a try! 

[Peachy]

@Dan998, thank you for the reply. I'm with you. Unfortuantely I became unstable even before I began the taper, and I already tapered too fast
But yes, best to see if I can stabalize more then continue.

I see you are done with your taper... do you feel healed? or healing?

 

[Peachy]

Hello All,

 

Especially bad night last night. We had a slightly stressful situation happen at home with our dog, while I'm coming down with a cold, and I literally couldn't handle. I mean, rocking back and forth to sooth myself, crazy. I seriously thought about having myself committed. I probably would have if I didn't have my husband and mom here. Since the last cut of only .25mg, I have become extremely agitated and angry. I've felt the agitation before, but not this bad. I use to be a cuddly person who loved to touch, and now I can't stand to be touched by the people I love. 

 

I have also had another spike in physical nervous system symptoms (inside shaking feeling, skipped heartbeat, extreme migrane). This combined with my increase in aggressive intrusive thoughts, I am in a very dark place. I am unable to connect with people or my loved ones bc I'm afraid.  I feel like I'm loosing the narrative. Has anyone else had the extremely disarming experience of smiling at inappropriate times or thoughts? What is this?! Can this all be WD, and can I heal from this? Am I forever a mental case bc of these drugs? I am so down today. I don't know what to do... I took an additional .25mg pill last night and an ibprofen, and I seemed to settle me pretty fast, which obviously points to WD in my eyes? I'm still having the symptoms, but not in an acute emergency type of way. I'm obviously going to hold here for awhile in hopes of stabilizing at least some. Like I've said before, I've never stabilized to the point of no symptoms in 2 years time, just good enough to get by some days/weeks. It's always something. Should I take this as a sign that I can never get off this stuff, or I'm a lost cause? 

 

It all feels so surreal, like Im experiencing a mental breakdown, but from a sane persons perspective...? This whole experience has been so traumatizing I don't know If Ill ever be the same. 

 

Advice and words of encouragement from people who are experiencing the same thing, or have experienced this and made it to the other side would be really appreciated today!

 

xx

Peachy

[Peachy]

@wantrelief, I started my taper with the symptoms. well, I did try to do a pretty fast cut right in the beginning, and i started to have bad symptoms, so I went back up right away. Like only a few days. I think this may have triggered my  CNS  instability. Then I tried a bunch of supplements from a functional med doctor, and thats when WD (or poop-out?) really kicked in. I was def worse in the beginning, then things cooled off some, and now its peaking again at 5.5 mg. Like I said though, my symptoms hever never entirely gone away, and I get a giant wave with each drop and every menstrual cycle. 

[Peachy]

On 5/1/2018 at 8:48 PM, Carmie said:

 

You asked whether you can still get withdrawals while tapering small doses. A lot of people still do. I get withdrawals from just tapering by 5%. I can’t taper by 10% as it’s too high for me and will put me into a major wave. 

 

Everyone is different though and you will only know by trial and error. Just don’t taper over 10% and make sure you hold for at least a month if not longer. Sometimes you may not be too bad a couple of weeks after your taper but the withdrawals may not really kick in until a few weeks after that  n if you taper too soon the withdrawals may be more severe. It’s accumulativ

 

 

 

Hi Carmie,

Thanks for the reply! And I'm glad I can make someone laugh...

Have you had times of complete remission, where all symptoms are gone, then you go down again, and then a wave comes? Or do you always have some symptoms, and sometimes its just easier to manage, so you keep trucking along with the taper? 

What are your symptoms, if you don't mind me asking? 

Also- how long have you been at this? 

[Songbird]

1 hour ago, Peachy said:

I took an additional .25mg pill last night and an ibprofen, and I seemed to settle me pretty fast, which obviously points to WD in my eyes?

 

Hi Peachy, do you mean you took an extra amount of Lexapro on top of your normal dose?  This isn't a good idea.  SSRIs are not like taking an ibuprofen as needed.  Keeping a steady daily dose is more helpful to your system when it is trying to stabilise.

 

Getting stable may not mean having no withdrawal symptoms at all, especially as it seems that you reached "poop-out" on the Lexapro.  You have been doing the right thing by slow tapering the Lexapro.  Please follow Alto's advice and hold at your current dose for a good while to let your system catch up with all the changes.

[Peachy]

@Songbird, oh no, I have just recently cut the dose less than a week ago, so I just went back up to the last dose I was at, which is back up .25mg. I just took the IBprofen for a serious migrane. Thats all I meant.

xx

[wantrelief]

3 hours ago, Peachy said:

@wantrelief, I started my taper with the symptoms. well, I did try to do a pretty fast cut right in the beginning, and i started to have bad symptoms, so I went back up right away. Like only a few days. I think this may have triggered my  CNS  instability. Then I tried a bunch of supplements from a functional med doctor, and thats when WD (or poop-out?) really kicked in. I was def worse in the beginning, then things cooled off some, and now its peaking again at 5.5 mg. Like I said though, my symptoms hever never entirely gone away, and I get a giant wave with each drop and every menstrual cycle. 

It sounds like we are in the same boat, trying to taper with symptoms.  I worry with each cut I make that I am going to make things even worse. I am glad things got a bit better for you as you went along but am sorry you are now having a rough time.  I hope holding will allow your brain to get a break and you can continue onwards with your taper with fewer symptoms.  

[Songbird]

3 hours ago, Peachy said:

@Songbird, oh no, I have just recently cut the dose less than a week ago, so I just went back up to the last dose I was at, which is back up .25mg. I just took the IBprofen for a serious migrane. Thats all I meant.

xx

 

Can you please clarify?  Does this mean you cut to 5.25mg?  How many days ago?  And you then went back up to 5.5mg?  What day did you go back up?

[Peachy]

@Songbird 

Sorry, Im a little foggy in my explanations. I cut to 5.25mg from 5.5mg about 1 week ago. I just started to have the bad WD effects a night or two ago. So last night I went back up to the original dose of 5.5mg. 

 

[Songbird]

Okay - how long had you been on a consistent daily dose of 5.5mg before the recent cut?

[Peachy]

3.5 - 4  weeks

[freespirit]

Hi freespirit,

how are you doing now with the histamine intolerance? Any more advice you found helpful on healing this aspect? I also see that you used quite a few supplements, and especially CBD oil. Were you ever sensitive to supplements? When were you able to start inocorporating these? Especially CBD oil.. in what way is this helpful for you? You never had reactions to it? I feel that I was reacting negatively to it, but then again, it could have just been withdrawls. I am also one person that can't even take probiotics without reacting. UGGGHHHHHH!

 

Hi Peachy,

 

I've moved this from the other thread to your own. Yes, I was very sensitive to supplements. But that was also true before AD and is still true to some degree now. I didn't start incorporating new supplements until after I'd finished my taper. Vitamin C was the first one, followed by Quercetin. Others were added in later. I'm not using CBD at the moment, as it didn't seem to be helping the way it was at first. I may well go back to it again later. But for awhile, CBD was helping with muscle and joint pain, as well as mood. Sleep quality was also better and I was resting an extra hour or so at night. If you look at the thread about CBD, you'll see there's a potential interaction between most antidepressants, as well as other drugs. So it is important to be cautious about its use while you are still on meds. That said, some people have taken it during their taper and been okay with it.

 

If you have histamine intolerance, many probiotics are problematic. I take a very simple one and it has worked well. But I tried others earlier and it was disastrous. Same for digestive enzymes that made me very ill.

 

I've found one of the most important keys in dealing with HI is reducing stress as much as possible. For me, that's meant leaving friendships or groups that were too highly emotionally charged. It also means doing a lot of meditation, being in nature, being mindful of what I take in online or through tv, and giving myself plenty of downtime. Eating a low histamine diet and the supplements I take also help. But at nearly 4 years out, I'm wondering if it will ever entirely go away. I stay away from the high histamine foods and drinks and if I do consume something that is out of the norm, I do so early in the day. Then it's less likely to affect sleep. But even having chiropractic treatments has at times triggered a reaction, although not as often as they once did.

 

HI tends to be worse at certain times of the year too. So more care is needed at those times---like in spring, where there are likely things in the air that I'm allergic to. I wish I could meet an acupuncturist who knew something about it, as I think it could help. But I've yet to meet any kind of practitioner that's familiar with that, or with WD from medications. For the moment, I'm focusing on my own healing through meditation, qi gong, hypnosis and not seeing any kind of practitioner. Like most any part of WD, acceptance is a key component. Hope this answers your questions.

[Songbird]

Okay, Peachy, I would just stick to the 5.5mg for a good while and don't make any more changes - hopefully things will settle down soon.

[Peachy]

@freespirit

what sort of symptoms do you have with your HI issues? Mental and physical? Can you eat any fermented foods? Im also trying to heal a very messed up gut (from the drugs I suspect) but thats hard when you cant take or eat anything they suggest for healing. Do you mind me asking which probiotic worked ok for you? I also feel I'm having an issue with high free-glutamate foods.. Something to look into...

I can't even handle gentle accupuncture at this point, so I sympathize! 

Would you say you are mostly healed at this point? Or in a much better place? 

xx

[freespirit]

Hi Peachy,

I have both physical and emotional symptoms from HI--but primarily physical at this point. It affects digestion, causes hives once in awhile, and sometimes affects sleep. But I can also get irritable from it at times. It is miles better than it once was. At first, I couldn't even tolerate salt or pepper and had to eat an extremely limited diet. I don't eat any fermented foods, as they are very high in histamine. There are things like that I don't even attempt. It doesn't seem worth the risk to me.

 

My gut was affected by both the antidepressant and years of PPI. I think I'm still recovering in some respects, but my gut has also been a weak point through much of my life. Stress would often affect me there first.

 

When I started eating low histamine, the muscle and joint pain diminished, along with other symptoms. But it hasn't entirely gone away.

 

This is the probiotic that I take: https://www.amazon.ca/Genestra-Brands-Capsules-Probiotic-Gastrointestinal/dp/B072C4HPDM/ref=pd_sbs_121_5?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B072C4HPDM&pd_rd_r=df31463d-50d3-11e8-82f9-87502190100c&pd_rd_w=NDzhq&pd_rd_wg=iQAgo&pf_rd_i=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&pf_rd_p=3743643050606576516&pf_rd_r=N05XD0K1NKNCYC09C4QM&pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=0506Z4PKJ5VGAVHXM7WH

 

You might want to read this about probiotics and HI https://healinghistamine.com/these-probiotic-strains-lower-histamine-rather-than-raising-it/

However, some of the ones she recommends are gelatin capsules, which some people with HI cannot tolerate (I'm one of them...so only take supplements with vegetarian capsules).

 

Even treatments like acupuncture can be too much at times. I've sometimes found it helped one thing, but made something else worse. There have been periods though, where acupuncture and other treatments made a big difference. I have an injury at the moment and everything I've tried only helps very temporarily or makes it worse. I'm finding it easier to just forego them for the time being.

 

My big emphasis has been all forms of self-care. I find that to be the key to WD in general.

[Peachy]

anyone out there?! was hoping someone has some words of encouragement for healing from intrusive thoughts/feelings and irritation. I could really use some help right now...

 

[FarmGirlWorks]

Hi Peachy,

 

Good vibes being sent your way. Intrusive/rough thoughts are the absolute worse. I've had them hard for so long.  However... based on your suggestion, I quit all supplements except magnesium powder 4 days ago. Feeling much better mentally although it could be where I am at in cycle, the sun coming out, or more acceptance... I am going to go supplement free for at least one month to see how it goes.

[Songbird]

Hi Peachy, you could try practising some mindfulness techniques.  That is, you are the observer in your mind and you just watch what is going on - kind of like you're a scientist studying some phenomenon.  The idea is that the observer is objective and does not get involved in the drama or pass any judgment on it.  Your goal is not to try to stop it happening, but just let it happen and accept it instead of getting upset by it. 

 

Many years ago I named the negative voice in my mind the "Doomcloud", and by giving it a name it helped me to feel that this negative voice was not "me".  It's just the mind going in circles ruminating on negative thoughts.  When the Doomcloud started doing its thing, I could just observe it happening and say to myself "oh, there's the Doomcloud again".  This helped immensely to step back from all the negative thoughts and emotions, to be less involved in them, and by getting some distance from them, they felt less intense and not nearly as upsetting or frightening.  Other people come up with their own names for this voice ("Chatterbox", "monkey mind," "demon", or whatever), so maybe making up your own name for it might help you to begin the mindfulness process.

 

Here are some more topics that you may find helpful:

 

non drug techniques to cope with emotional-symptoms

 

dealing with emotional spirals

 

mindfulness and acceptance - especially the second post by JanCarol which has a lot of great tips for dealing with rumination and obsessive thoughts.

 

 

[Carmie]

On 5/5/2018 at 6:56 AM, Peachy said:

Hi Carmie,

Thanks for the reply! And I'm glad I can make someone laugh...

Have you had times of complete remission, where all symptoms are gone, then you go down again, and then a wave comes? Or do you always have some symptoms, and sometimes its just easier to manage, so you keep trucking along with the taper? 

What are your symptoms, if you don't mind me asking? 

Also- how long have you been at this? 

 

Hi Peachy,

Yes, I have had remission, it’s never 100% but can be about 80% or 90% for me, and yes waves come and go.

 

For the last two months I’ve had daily waves and windows all day long but more waves than windows. 

 

The last two days though I’ve had mainly windows and today I’ve had a window all day so far. I tapered two months ago and I’m finally getting long windows again. I’m not tapering for another month or two as I want a little break. 

 

You asked how long I’ve had withdrawls. I’ve been withdrawing for five years or more but I can’t remember exactly as I’ve got memory problems. 

 

As for my symptoms there are so many when I’m in withdrawals but I find I can kind of bear them all except for akathisia. That is one of the cruelest things ever. It’s internal akathisia and I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. There is nothing worse. If I taper really slow I find the akathisia becomes a tiny bit more bearable. I don’t have it at the moment.

 

Wishing you all the best in your recovery peachy 💚

 

 

[Peachy]

On 5/2/2018 at 5:05 PM, Altostrata said:

It might be a good idea to hold for 2 months or more right now.

EMERGENCY! 

 

Hello all. I am having a horrible time right now and could use some serious advice. I was tapering down, by only 5%, and something happened. Before my WD's were mostly emotional, some weird physical, and of course intrusive thoughts and feelings. About 1.5 weeks ago I went down my usual 5% taper, down to 5.5mg from 5.75mg of Lexapro. Now I have all new symptoms. It feels more urgent and severe.

 

5 days ago, I decided to go back up to 5.75 to see if it would settle down my nervous system. So far it hasn't . I think I even feel worse. Now my symptoms feel like I'm having a bad trip on acid (or what I would imagine this to be like). I am severely agitated, angry and irritated, I sometimes feel like an inner shaking, electric sensations and intense pressure on my chest. I'm very dizzy at times.  Noises and people talking make me jump out of my skin. I can't look at peoples faces bc they do not look right to me and it causes me distress(?)  everything is intensified X100, sometimes when people talk I hear it repeating over and over in a distorted way. I can't stand to be touched. My vision will just start shaking, I have never had insomnia, actually the opposite, throughout this 2 year journey, but insomnia has kicked in. Last night when I tried to sleep, when i would start to doze off, i would have crazy waking nightmares, and my body would jolt me awake like it didn't want me falling asleep. It went on all night. Also felt like I was having a heart attack.

 

On top of all this, and this is TMI, but I have had IBS in the past, but what is happening now is really scary. I can't use the bathroom, and when i do try to go it's only blood and mucous, and i feel like my entire GI tract is on fire. I know, TMI, but I need advice! Has anyone ever experienced this? 

 

What do I do now? Do I go back up again to 6mg and see if it helps me stabilize? Will it make it worse? Do I stay here, lock myself in my room and hope this passes? Can this be a wave? Im scared it can be permanent. Do I go to a gastro doctor for my GI issues? I know they will try to give my a colonoscopy, but we all know my system can't handle any drugs right now, and the stress alone. Do I go to a psychiatrist that understands WD and see if they have advice or maybe try a micro micro dose of lamotrigine to in hopes of stability? I'm not seeing an actual psychiatrist atm, as I have just been getting my doses from the GP, since I'm tapering. 

 

I really need advice. Hopefully some MODS can help me...

 

Thank you! 

[Altostrata]

35 minutes ago, Peachy said:

5 days ago, I decided to go back up to 5.75 to see if it would settle down my nervous system.

 

Peachy, "hold" means DO NOT INCREASE OR DECREASE.

 

Your nervous system is extremely sensitive to the drug. You may be taking too much Lexapro for it to handle.

 

If I were you, I'd go back down to 5.5mg and HOLD. It may take some time for your nervous system to settle down.

 

If you jump around in dosage, we won't be able to help you.