Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Admin note: link to benzo forum thread - Aquarius: Diazepam

 

Hi im new here , im not a long term user of these meds but when it comes it in withdrawal it doesnt matter its still hell . I started these Jan 2016 25mg cold turkeyed July 2016 didnt know any better was fine until Feb 2017 mum in hospital went to docs with crying and panic put me back on tablets didnt realise it was withdrawal doc said not after six months ...wanted me to go straight to 100mg i started at 50mg very quickly updosed to eventually 150mg went through hell to get there never really stabilised . Didnt like how i felt so now i know i did a very fast taper and came off by March 2018 again was doing well until just as before around 6 to 7 month mark i crashed felt extreme anxiety depression crying joint pain negative thoughts cant settle ..the physical pain has gone but emotionally im bad especially the mornings waking with fear panic and lots of crying thankfully i have been able to sleep and when im not stressed i do have good days . I hate feeling like this and seeing everyone else enjoying the build up to Christmas sometimes i feel like my life is over . Bad morning so trying to keep it together .have a question to ask but not sure if this is the place to do it .thank you 

Edited July 4, 2019 by Shep
added link to benzo forum thread

[ChessieCat]

Hi Aquarius and welcome to SA,

 

Unfortunately what you are experiencing is not uncommon when getting off a psychiatric drug too quickly. 

 

Please see:  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

Please create your drug signature using the following format.  Please make it nice simple by following these instructions (NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you):

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

Here are some more links for you to check out:

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

what-is-withdrawal-syndrome

 

waking-with-panic-or-anxiety-managing-cortisol-spikes

 

Neuro Emotions

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

Is it withdrawal or relapse?  Or something else?

How do I know it's withdrawal and not relapse?

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

This is your own Introductions topic and is the place where you can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

[Aquarius]

Thank you ChessieCat will do as you ask

Have done a signature not sure if rigjt you may get several 

[Aquarius]

Thank you for the links ...feel bad today with panic tight chest and brain fog and pressure just want to cry all the time not sure if has got worse because i had to increase my blood pressure medication at the end of october started to feel worse so recently have gone back to lower dose still feel bad can these tablets affect withdrawal they are from the calcium channel blocker group of meds ..i try and make connections all the time as to why i suddenly feel worse or have a new sympton 

[Aquarius]

Really struggling at moment woke up with inconsolable crying don't actually know what to do with myself keep pacing around the house then fall in a heap somewhere is this normal !!

[Aquarius]

Is it best to just ride it out when in these situations or should i be doing something to stop it should i just let myself cry trouble is i end up struggling to breathe and pain in my stomach its as if i have total despair and noone can help me its awful !! Sorry dont know if right place to do this as all my posts are still pink and hidden ? Thanks for listening 

[ChessieCat]

Please read Post #1 of this topic:  About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

[Aquarius]

Its mornings like these that i struggle to find the strength to go through this ..i am 8 months off after a fast taper the first 6 months weren't good but doable then came what feels like toture and still going i have all the usual symptons i get the physical muscle joint pain but clear head then the pain goes and its mental anguish but throughout its the despair of having to go through this!! Since the six months it hasn't been continuous i do have good moments which makes the bad ones even worse !! Currently i am getting lower andominal pain nausea shoulder neck pain and a full head like having the flu i had this before it does seem go in cycles....muscle twitching and shaking and tears but i just think im feeling sorry for myself and hoping there is an end ....since the end of october doc upped my blood pressure medication have felt worse but that could be me making false connections ...is this really going to end !!!

[ChessieCat]

Have you checked out the links in this post?

 

This might help you to understand what is happening:

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

 

And this is a useful technique:

 

On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

[Aquarius]

Thank you Chessie cat ....yes i have thank you i understand them all its just trying to beleive in them when you are in a deep wave its just trying to find that resolve and belief that it will get better and the not kowing how much longer you have to endure this for oh well onwards and upwards i think i will get the workman to hurry up and finish the building work no more cups of teas for them 

[ChessieCat]

I suggest you check out this area of SA: success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal

[Aquarius]

Thank you will do ......feel slightly better after food maybe a low blood sugar level thing ...i just hope that people going through this journey can dig deep and know that after you have driven the many roads on a map that are full of bumps and potholes and obstacles you arrive at a junction still with a functioning car and out in front of you is a long wide road that has been newly tarmaced and with a big smile on your face you drive on 

[ChessieCat]

It is certainly a journey which none of the members of SA expected to be taking.

[Aquarius]

Yes ...but in some ways and this may sound odd considering the suffering we have to endure it gives us a different perspective on life and makes you appreciate things a lot more 

[Aquarius]

Well after feeling bad yesterday morning feeling despair i had something to eat and soon after felt completely normal then about 3.00 started getting cramping in neck and could feel myself goimg down this lasted an hour this was a good day i thought things wereon the up then this morning i woke with full on crying like proper wailing type pacing everywhere with feelings of utter despair and feelings of no way out a real black hole i have calmed myself down a bit its scary how intense these episodes are and feels like there is no way out or end to it 

[Aquarius]

Does anyone else have these episodes upon waking and any tips on how you cope or get through them 

[Aquarius]

And i end up a wreck amd shaking all over as if im freezing amd tight chest

[ChessieCat]

Sounds like you might have had a panic attack.  What happens is you feel discomfort and get frightened by it which causes the  fight or flight response and more feelings in the body as it produces adrenaline.  Because you don't understand what is happening the feelings scare you and you then become panicked.

 

Check out the diagram in this link.  It explains what happens in different parts of the body.  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AnxietySelfHelp.pdf

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

Female Voice:  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/music/FirstAidPanicF.mp3

 

Male Voice:  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/music/FirstAidPanicM.mp3

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

You can find some Claire Weekes videos on YouTube

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

 

You could try taking Magnesium   I have found that it takes the edge off my anxiety.

[Aquarius]

Thank you Chessie cat for your reply if as you said it was a panic attack does that cause the crying and depressive feelings as well 

[Aquarius]

Didnt think the day could feel any worse but now i have rib pain and my insides feel like they are being eaten by acid

[ChessieCat]

11 hours ago, Aquarius said:

Thank you Chessie cat for your reply if as you said it was a panic attack does that cause the crying and depressive feelings as well 

 

From your description, the crying and depressed feelings were before the rest of the episode,  you become scared because you did not know and understand what was happening which then increased your anxiety which produced adrenaline and the effects that adrenaline has on the body.

 

This might help you to understand it better:  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/panic.htm

 

It is possible to use non drug techqniques, like concentrated deep breathing, self talk (reassurance) and self soothing, to stop or reduce the body sensations.  Learn about what happens in the body and the sensations which you can feel then you can start using the non drug techniques to reduce the effect of the anxiety.

 

7 hours ago, Aquarius said:

Didnt think the day could feel any worse but now i have rib pain and my insides feel like they are being eaten by acid

 

This may, and I would think most probably, be the after effect / result of the panic attack.

 

What you now need to be aware of is anticipatory anxiety.  Because you have had one panic attack you may be scared that you will have another one.  I would strongly suggested checking out the  getselfhelp.co.uk  website.  To find things more easily on that website I use google and search getselfhelp.co.uk panic attack, or getselfhelp.co.uk anxiety.

 

This one looks helpful:  https://www.get.gg/anxietyhelp.htm

[Aquarius]

Thank you much appreciated i am feeling better and can think more rationally but in a wave rationale is out the window

[Aquarius]

Can't wait to get to a point where my life is not dominated with withdrawal....i tell others to use cbt but struggle to do it myself i know my nervous system is highly sensitized but my thought pattern is so negative i think it makes my withdrawal harder try to do the acceptance thing but when your in the throes of a really bad moment its very hard to accept or distract its like going into battle everyday which isnt the way to view it but cant be helped i know the only way through is straight through the middle but it is so unfair especially when none of this is our fault ...people on here are so strong for going through this and we must all remember that each one of us will heal and we will feel so proud of ourselves for having done so happy healing to you all 

[Aquarius]

If this is just another phase then ok but at the moment i seem to be in constant panic mode not full blown but on the edge of one feeling of constricting stomach and chest full head and feeling like im about to lose control as if you want to burst out of your skin amd tingling in arms does this go away eventually nothing i did to set it off 

[Aquarius]

Definitely feel like ive been getting progressively worse i wonder is it a coincidence or not but i seem to have been getting worse since my increase  in my blood pressure medication i know sometimes we make these false connections looking for answers i increased the end of october its not been all bad but definitely downhill i wonder if a mod has any thoughts on this if so will it stabilise 

[ChessieCat]

I suggest you research Felodipine  side effects.

[Aquarius]

I came on here this morning as im struggling big time i feel like my whole world is crashing down around me i want to cry i have palpatations inner restlessness and a feeling of total despair i have to be honest chessie cat your reply just sent me into a panic sorry i ferl like there is no way out amd everything i do is wrong i am 8 months from litetally ct of sertraline is this normal at this stage and i have a very dry mouth 

[ChessieCat]

16 hours ago, Aquarius said:

Definitely feel like ive been getting progressively worse i wonder is it a coincidence or not but i seem to have been getting worse since my increase  in my blood pressure medication i know sometimes we make these false connections looking for answers i increased the end of october its not been all bad but definitely downhill i wonder if a mod has any thoughts on this if so will it stabilise 

 

I was responding to this post where you said you thought you had got worse since the increase in your BP medication.  And checking the side effects it seems that it may be the cause.

 

If it was me, I'd be going back to the previous dose of the felopidine and see if your symptoms ease off.  If they do, then you could be fairly certain that it is the BP drug and not withdrawal.  Either way at least you will know for sure one way or the other.  If it turns out to be the BP drug then you can see the doctor and get a different BP medication.

[ChessieCat]

2 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

If it was me, I'd be going back to the previous dose of the felopidine and see if your symptoms ease off. 

 

If your dose was increased because your BP was very high, it might be a good idea to see the doctor before going off it.

[Aquarius]

Sorry i didnt mean anything by it thank you i knew what it was freferring to but at the moment anything is setting me off i just feel desparate at the moment its how my body is reacting i have been fine on 2.5 mg its when they raised it i feel i have got more anxious but that could be me amd my thoughts . At 8 months out do people feel this bad after having dealt with symptons up until mow 

[Aquarius]

No it wasnt high just a one off reading its about 130/77 usually but it was that at 2.5mg i have to give a reading every 6 months when i went to docs it was high white coat syndrome so they based it on tbat amd my anxiety at the time 

[ChessieCat]

From:  https://www.everydayhealth.com/drugs/felodipine

 

These are the ones that jumped out at me:  feeling restless or nervous;  fast or pounding heartbeats;

 

3 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

i have been fine on 2.5 mg its when they raised it i feel i have got more anxious

 

The easiest way to find out is to go back the 2.5mg.  And because of what you have just posted as I am typing I would be doing that straight away.

 

Think of it this way, you might have solved your problem.

 

I wouldn't be worrying about AD WD at this time.  One thing at a time.

[ChessieCat]

Increasing your BP dose without doing 24 hour monitoring is not really the correct way to do it.  Just too easy for them to write out a prescription.

[Aquarius]

Thank you 

[Aquarius]

Hi rachelsusan 

Can i ask did you have the anxiety and crying upon waking i absolutely dread it i wake up initially ok then it comes on in a wave cant stop it 

[RachelSusan]

Hi Aquarius,

 

I too am a Sertraline survivor. It is a very insidious dug.  I read your thread and I feel so badly for you. 

 

This post is in answer to your question you asked me on another thread about crying in the morning.  No, the crying wasn't quite what my problem was. Mornings for me were bad because I had cortisol spikes that would wake me, then I would have the anxiety and the panic you mentioned as well as some of the physical pain you mentioned in your thread. Depression wasn't a big issues for me. I have however read on this website that there are people that have morning depression very badly, just like you mentioned having.  It seems to me that is all part of withdrawal. 

 

Aquarius, this entire thing of withdrawal is awful and I feel so badly for you.  I know you will improve but it is my hope that you improve quickly.

 

Warm wishes,

RS