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☼ Katy398: I’ve tapered too quickly, what should I do?


Katy398

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello @Katy398,

How are you doing ? 

Sending healing vibes your way 💙

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Hi @Erell,Thank you so much for checking in on me. I really appreciate it. Look I’m coming up to 3 years off now and sure I can see healing which I guess is why I have the sunshine symbol but I am by no means ready to publish a success story. Anxiety rushes plague me daily. My stress tolerance has diminished. Any stress induces a wave of emotional akathesia, fear, SI and panic. My morning cortisol rush still has not settled to a functional rate and  insomnia is now nightly struggle again.  I’m ok, I practice acceptance as much as I possibly can but there is this persistent concern that this is it. A fast track taper from a very high dose of a double strength AD ( Lexapro) has left me permanently brain damaged.  I know they say we all heal but those of us in protracted withdrawal as you yourself are aware, find it hard to imagine we’ll ever fully recover from this traumatic event. Hang on in there @Erell. Thank you so much for thinking of me. I wish you some deep and clear healing and hope the  waves eventually calm. 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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7 hours ago, Katy398 said:

A fast track taper from a very high dose of a double strength AD ( Lexapro) has left me permanently brain damaged.

 Not true .

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello dear @Katy398

I have issues to find my words today, what a foggy brain ! So I'll copy the words of Baylissa : they come from an answer that I once saw her give to someone in protracted withdrawal. I hope they will give you as much comfort as they did to me ❤️ 

 

« I know it feels like it won't ever end and me telling you it will won't be convincing because you have not had any consistent signs of it ending. As true as this is, you must still keep holding on. You must tell yourself that this is how those before you healed. During the times when they felt their lowest, felt stuck, felt without hope and doubted ever healing, they held on and kept going. They reminded themselves that despite how things seemed, healing was taking place and like those before them, one day the nightmare would end. This is the reality and they all healed. You will too. Just need to give it more time.

 

You may say : "But, how much more time ?" and I know everyone in protracted withdrawal is exhausted and drained from it all. This is the most difficult thing you'll ever have to do in life, and you're doing it. Withdrawal requires so much effort to get through each "groundhog" day. But the strenght comes and while we cannot say how much longer, we know that somehow people are able to find the strenght and patience, withstand the waves, and eventually get to the finish line.

 

I hope it won't be too much longer for you. We may not have all the answers or fully understabd the process, but your prognosis is great and there is much good to look forward to. 

 

You won't remember much of what you are going through now. This is always the case. So keep going. Keep holding on to hope and continue to wait it out. Care for yourself well while you wait, and then allow time for the rest of the healing to unfold. »

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello @Katy398
I was thinking of you : how are you doing ?
Take care ❤️

 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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  • 1 month later...

@Katy398

Hi there, saw your name come up in the demotivation help topic and thought I'd stop by your thread to introduce myself. Nice to meet you. 

 

I've had a scroll through your intro. It looks like our timelines are not dissimilar. I, too, fast-tapered at a cold-turkey equivalent rate off escitalopram in 2018. Followed by years of intense PAWS unbeknownst to me. Didn't realize I was in withdrawal until 3+ years in, when I found SA last year. 

 

Since then I've read more about escitalopram in particular and pay special attention to escitalopram-users' stories. I see certain commonalities across our protracted patterns, which seems to be more than just coincidence. In all my time on escitalopram I never knew (and was never informed/warned) how potent it is. I do believe it is one of the more intense antidepressants/SSRIs to discontinue, especially after a longer history with other drugs. 

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. You're not alone. We're in this together. Let's remind each other that it does get better. The road is long and arduous and it can be hard to remember how far we've come. Maybe sometimes it's easier to see another's progress than our own. I am holding space for your healing and bear witness to your bravery, strength, perseverance. 

 

In solidarity, from my foggy, sluggish, near-vegetative cannot-get-going Sunday state, I salute you!

A.

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil blend w/ morning meal (incl. vit. A+D+E); calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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Dearest @Ariel,

Thank you so much for your beautiful reply. It is always lovely to meet a fellow Escitalopram survivor. It came at a very opportune time having had a really challenging day. I do hope your Sunday will be better than mine. I will go and visit your thread. This lack of motivation really is difficult and as yet I’ve not heard about how it subsides. I have tried dragging myself back into life but I wouldn’t say it induced motivation by any means. 
Thank again Ariel take care. 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Administrator
On 5/15/2022 at 9:53 AM, Katy398 said:

Thank you for your responses @Ariel @BrokenWings @PapayaShake,

Let’s ask the gurus in all all this. @Altostrata and any other success publishers. I know you are all very busy with life but we are stuck in this terrible malaise.  I actually feel addicted to my bed at times. I have no motivation to leave it even though I am not sleepy, I have complete apathy  still (year 4). We would love to hear from someone who healed from this. Did you push yourself relentlessly to get going, did you use a tick list ( out of bed, bathroom, dress, breakfast …..), did it come back gradually  or one day did you just  realise you no longer suffered from it? Weekends are so challenging for me  I have to find my own routine, work days are much easier. 
Apart from the chemical terror that still envelops me like a ‘Dementor’ this is by far my worst symptom. I so want to get into living but I’m finding it so hard.  Please give us some encouragement. 
 

 

 

@Katy398 what drugs are you taking now, at what times o'clock and dosages?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I take a thyroid extract ( 2 grains) in the morning. Fish oil at night neither of which seem to trigger me either way. I’m just still in protracted withdrawal with waves that flare up each week. Better than the early days of constant symptoms throughout everyday, but by no means near a success story!

I’ve considered reinstating so often but I am too frightened that it will make me worse, which for me is too much of a risk to be honest. 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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Sorry @AltostrataI should have tagged you. 

I take a thyroid extract ( 2 grains) in the morning. Fish oil at night neither of which seem to trigger me either way. I’m just still in protracted withdrawal with waves that flare up each week. Better than the early days of constant symptoms throughout everyday, but by no means near a success story!

I’ve considered reinstating so often but I am too frightened that it will make me worse, which for me is too much of a risk to be honest. 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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On 8/30/2021 at 4:35 PM, Katy398 said:

Anyway in this wave I stay until it decides to move on. It’s one more wave closer to recovery and as someone once said it can be viewed as  a time where deep healing  is taking place. 

 

On 8/30/2021 at 11:06 AM, Erell said:

you are going through WD symptoms that are the expression of a destabilised nervous system suffering from dysautonomia after a too-fast taper from powerful psychdrugs.

(replying to PM here, as agreed)

 

Hi @Katy398

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I can really relate to your story, incl. the incorrect supervision and mismanagement by doctors of prescribing and deprescribing psych drugs. They f*cked up, with grievous consequences to you. I'm sorry this happened to you.

 

It's a long, hard road -- as you already know all too well. But it does get better. My experience confirms that things do slowly improve, and I cannot help but think you, too, must be familiar with the trend of gradual but clear recovery, since you have a sun symbol by the title of your intro topic! 

3.5 years since your jump to zero -- what has improved since then? 

 

I include the quotes above as a gentle reminder that you have successfully surfed many a wave before. As you so wisely say, each wave is "one more wave closer to recovery". You are getting there, slowly but surely. Erell's words are also worth keeping in mind to help ground us in the simple reality of what our bodies are doing and why we feel the way we feel. When the sh*t hits the fan it can be very hard to remember one's own name, let alone the complex history that amounts to the rug being pulled out from under us. Next time my nervous system and brain are freaking out, I'm going to quote Erell and tell them: Hey there. Things may feel chaotic right now but it's par for the course -- you are going through WD symptoms that are the expression of a destabilised nervous system suffering from dysautonomia after a too-fast taper from powerful psychdrugs. That's all. It's gonna be okay, it just feels kinda wild right now!

 

In your message you asked about symptoms. One of my non-drug coping techniques is that I try not to focus on my symptoms -- and in the interest of supporting that I won't go into detail about them here. Suffice it to say, what you mention in your PM, I am very familiar with. Yes I still get those and it's uncomfortable. At the same time it's clear to me that they used to be a lot worse, much more intense and longer-lasting. So they are still there, but getting milder and more manageable with time. 

 

Remember two things, dear Katy: You are not alone. + It gets better. 

And one more thing: You have already come so far!! 

Your courage and perseverance and patience are remarkable. You are working really hard to get through, and you're doing a great job of it. 

Give yourself all the credit and tender loving care you deserve!

 

Hope this message feels okay to you. I'm a bit foggy and it's late, sorry for the cursing and the discursive...

Thinking of you and wishing you moments of peace and relief, and a wide-open window waiting for you just around the bend <3

In solidarity and support,

A. 

 

 

 

 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil blend w/ morning meal (incl. vit. A+D+E); calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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1 minute ago, Ariel said:

rug being pulled out from under us.

the (d)rug being pulled out from under us! haha 

just saw that and had to share a goodnight chuckle

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil blend w/ morning meal (incl. vit. A+D+E); calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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Thank you @Arielfor all your support and kind words. I really appreciate it. I hope this week has been manageable for you. 
Together we walk the fragile Lexapro path, Thank you 🙏 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • 2 weeks later...

@Katy398

Thinking of you and sending healing wishes <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil blend w/ morning meal (incl. vit. A+D+E); calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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Thank you @Ariel,

If predictions are correct then one day we’ll be writing a success story,  it’s  just slow progress for the  Fast Taper, Cold Turkey members. Take heed everyone else, don’t rush your taper! That (d)rug being pulled definitely has caused me to tumble! Thanks again for popping by🙏

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Wow Wow Wow.

One of my strange symptoms was that  the music I loved  from my teens and twenties would trigger really quite severely and debilitating anxiety. I had to stop listening. Today for the very first time in 3.5 years I have been able to listen to my  favourite artist with absolute pleasure and joy. This is really significant for me. I wanted to share this, purely to give hope and encouragement to others
Best wishes to all, I know it feels impossible at times but please try to believe what we are consistently told

 “We all heal eventually” 

I’m not there yet but I do believe it and slowly I really can see progress!!!
Take care 🙏

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor

Wonderful news, Katy!  Sometimes healing comes in small whispers, but it does come!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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@Katy398

Beautiful news! Delighted for you. 

Thank you so much for sharing!

Healing is happening <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil blend w/ morning meal (incl. vit. A+D+E); calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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5 hours ago, Katy398 said:

Wow Wow Wow.

One of my strange symptoms was that  the music I loved  from my teens and twenties would trigger really quite severely and debilitating anxiety. I had to stop listening. Today for the very first time in 3.5 years I have been able to listen to my  favourite artist with absolute pleasure and joy. This is really significant for me. I wanted to share this, purely to give hope and encouragement to others
Best wishes to all, I know it feels impossible at times but please try to believe what we are consistently told

 “We all heal eventually” 

I’m not there yet but I do believe it and slowly I really can see progress!!!
Take care 🙏

That's a big deal.  I danced last night and kinda felt the music.  Not full on but felt a little inspired.  Maybe me zoloft reinstatement just needs more time to balance.  I am so happy for you!

Recent 2018 Zoloft 150mg  (20 years taking at various times, no real issues before stopping)

2019 Risperdal one month low dose (forget amount) stopped bad reaction

2019 Remeron 7.5 mg sleep  (discontinued in mid 2019) on for six months (tapered for a few weeks)

Zoloft 100 mg Summer 2020/Zoloft 75 mg Summer 2021

Zoloft 50 mg November 2021/ Zoloft 25 mg First two weeks January 2022: Reinstated 50 mgJanuary Last week)

Crash in February - on and off doses as doctors conflicted over serotonin syndrome/withdrawal - stopped all for two week & resumed:\

Other drugs tried in hospitals (Abilify, 1mg, 1 dose, Zyprexa 1 dose 1mg, Klonopin .25 4 doses in 2 hospitalizations)

March 1 titrated Zoloft up from 0 to 65 from February to Early May

Severe vision problems at 65 mg (improved depression)

Taper to 55 6/15, 45mg 7/15/ 35mg 8/1, 25mg 8/15, 10 mg, 8/31 OFF 9/2022 Omg  Improved with drops from August to September - November crash ONE dose Zoloft 3mg 11/17 - worsened symptoms - Remain off Zoloft

Mirtazapine -3.5 mg six weeks mid march to end april, occasionally for sleep

Supplements: Fish oil, magnesium, lions mane, cytokine suppress, MCT Oil

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Thank you @Arieland @mstimc I hope things are going ok for you too. 

15 minutes ago, Roserdl said:

That's a big deal.  I danced last night and kinda felt the music.  Not full on but felt a little inspired.  Maybe me zoloft reinstatement just needs more time to balance.  I am so happy for you!

Wonderful news @Roserdl I hope you stabilise soon. 
 

Xxx

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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Beautiful to hear this Katy. Onwards and upwards xx

Lexapro 10MG

Almost continually for 25 odd years 

Reduced to 5MG beginning July 2018-  end August 2018

August 2018 til now off completely 

 

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Oh @Katy398, your post gave me so much joy !
I listened to Cyndi Lauper yesterday and almost felt excitement 😍

We are getting there dear friend, slowly but surely. 
 

19 hours ago, mstimc said:

 Sometimes healing comes in small whispers, but it does come!


❤️

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Thank you @Erell It’s amazing how significant these small

On 6/18/2022 at 2:49 AM, mstimc said:

whispers

are. I couldn’t listen to any music from my past really. It’s as if the neural pathways got muddled with the  feelings induced by a near miss of being run over by a bus!

My early morning cortisol rush is down to once or twice a week now. It was intense and daily for 2.5 years !!! I find this hard to believe.  How did I cope with it all for so long.  I’m not completely out of those  dark frightening woods yet but I can see light.  
Healing really does happen and I want to give hope to those who are still in the abyss, those who are still stumbling terrified in the middle of that cold, dark wood. I was there for a very long time,  very frightened and I still find myself back in there at times but it’s not relentless and  it’s not daily now, there are some good moments and even some rumblings of excitement, brief and fleeting but they are still there. Another “whisper” that my life is coming back. 🧡

Thank you so much to all those wonderful folk on here that have been holding my hand along the way.  🙏

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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1 hour ago, Katy398 said:

it’s not daily now, there are some good moments and even some rumblings of excitement, brief and fleeting

While I wish you were out of the woods completely, I am thrilled for you that you have experienced these positive changes and signs of healing.  I hope you experience more and more of these moments very soon!  

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

@Katy398

Thinking of you <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil blend w/ morning meal (incl. vit. A+D+E); calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
On 6/18/2022 at 4:01 PM, Katy398 said:

Healing really does happen and I want to give hope to those who are still in the abyss, those who are still stumbling terrified in the middle of that cold, dark wood. I was there for a very long time,  very frightened and I still find myself back in there at times but it’s not relentless and  it’s not daily now, there are some good moments and even some rumblings of excitement, brief and fleeting but they are still there. Another “whisper” that my life is coming back. 🧡

I'm really glad to hear that you are not in the cold, dark wood of WD al the time, and that you have some good moments!  Your life will continue to come back, in time.  

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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  • 1 month later...

@Katy398 

Thinking about those whispers of improvement... like butterfly kisses on one's cheek.

Hope you are feeling moments of peace and joy during these summer months.

Sending healing vibes <3 

 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil blend w/ morning meal (incl. vit. A+D+E); calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • 2 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello @Katy398
How are you doing ?

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...

I’ve now hit the 4 year mark. I’ve had an awful  setback after a terribly stressful event in July. Can anyone tell me why this happens? What’s going on in the brain to make a stressful event bring on a wave that last for months 3.5 years after a CT. 

It’s hard enough to get the medical profession to understand WD as it is  but PAWS that lasts for years damn near impossible. 
Can anyone direct me to any ‘Protracted’  research. NICE mentions ‘months or more’  So many of us at 3+ years don’t know where to turn. We’re not tapering, we’re too scared to reinstate and there is so little concrete evidence related to PAWS out there. 
Any reference or thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated. 
Best wishes everyone.

Regards K

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

Link to comment

Oh @Katy398, I really relate to having a setback from stress. I know I am in a different situation but stressful events have derailed so many of my tapers (slow ones at that), including my current one, I've lost count. I wish I knew why this happens too as it really concerns me (a bit of an understatement) and have talked about it on my thread. I am so sorry you've had this setback and wanted to respond to let you know you are not alone.  I hope you get some relief soon.....you have been so patient and strong.  Hopefully it is just a little longer and you'll see some improvements and maybe your baseline will be even better than before. 💖

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg

 

 

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@Katy398i am so sorry you are still suffering . The one person I know who has seen many protracted go on to heal fully is Baylissa . Maybe you could have a consultation with her ? She has a website to book through . Just a thought 

On Prozac 20 mg from 1996 to 2012 started for post partum depression ? Pooped out

2012 - Switched to 1.25 mg Klonopin ( tapered off last dose march 6 th / 2017 ( 14 month taper) 

2012-15 mg lexapro came off nov.4 th /17 

2012- 150 mg Wellbutrin xl ( still on ) 
2019- Stabilized to be functional after coming off lex and klon waiting to get healthy to taper Wellbutrin

2021 Dec - Suprax and macrobid for UTI

2022 Jan - withdrawal symptoms came back with a vengeance ( antibiotics and uti only change ) 

2022 June - still in full withdrawal 

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Thank you @wantreliefI’m so sorry you are going through the same thing, hang on in there. Hopefully someone will get back to us and let us know what they think is happening in the brain. Take care and thanks again for your kind words. 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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Good idea @SoupI might do that. I had a consultation with her when I was in the early acute stages of withdrawal. Take care and best wishes. 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

Link to comment

Hiya. 

I have just been reading your thread 

I'm so sorry you still arent healed. It's so cruel.

What symptoms are you still having now? 

What's changed?

2015- Jan 2021 20mg Citalapram

Jan 2021- April 2021 Sertraline (CT)

June 2021 - Fluoxetine & Trazadone

Oct 2021- Trazadone to Quitiapin 

Oct 2021 to June 2022 switches Duloxetine then paroxatine then Venlafaxine.

June 2022- venlafaxine for 5 or 6 weeks at 37.5 twice daily. Upped for one week to 75mg twice daily but caused panic attacks. Dropped back down to 37.5 twice daily. Panic attacks stopped. 

1 week- 62.5mg 1 week- 50mg 1 week- 37.5mg 1 week - 25mg 

ANTIDEPRESSANT FREE SINCE JULY 22ND 2022!! 

18/05/23 - 01-06/23 doxycycline for a rat bite 

Taken propranalol since 2015. 80mg.

21/11/22 76mg. 28/11/22 72mg. 05/12/22 68mg. 19/12/22 64mg. 27/12/22 60mg. 02/01/23 56mg. 09/01/23 50mg. 16/01/23 47mg. 23/01/23 44mg. 29/01/23 40mg. 05/02/23 38mg. 12/02/23 35mg. 19/02/23 32mg. 25/02/23 27mg. 04/03/23 25mg. 11/03/23 22mg. 17/03/23 19mg. 24/03/23 20mg. 05/04/23 18mg. 11/04/23 16mg. 17/04/23 14mg. 27/04/23 20mg. 19/06/23 19mg. 25/06/23 20mg. 04/08/23 18mg. 11/08/23 17mg. 16/08/23 16mg. 25/08/23 15mg. 01/09/23 14mg. 08/09/23 13mg. 15/08/23 12mg. 22/09/23 11mg. 29/09/23 10mg. 19/11/23 9mg. 26/11/23 8mg. 03/12/23 7mg. 10/12/23 6mg. 17/12/23 5mg. 24/12/23 4mg. 31/01/23 3mg. 07/01/24 2mg. 13/01/24 1mg. 19/01/24 0mg. DONE! 

 

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  • 7 months later...

Hi Katy, My name is Cloudy and I have been reading through your thread and I just wanted to say it really gives me a glimmer of hope in such a dark time.

I was on Lexapro since I was 12 until I turned 21, my doses ranging from 10mg-40mg within that time until I was abruptly ripped cold turkey from a 10mg dose 3 months ago now to another medication then ripped from that to yet another medication that I am now stuck on. I sadly don't have the choice to reinstate at this point unless I decide to try and 'switch' but I have learnt my lesson which I am sadly still living. The physical symptoms are debilitating, I am living in pain every single day and I browse these forums searching eagerly and sadly...desperately for someone who has been through something similar like I have been.

I will use your story as someone who survived to fuel me and hope to God that happens to me eventually but I know I must be patient. Once I am well again, even if that is years from now, I will be shouting my story from the roof tops and ensuring I am heard. I won't let what happened to me be silenced especially since I have lost so much due to this and right now I see no light at the end of the tunnel. You have given me hope even in the smallest amount, thankyou Katy.

 

- Cloudy-Rose

2014-2022: Lexapro 10-20mg
June 2022: Lexapro 30mg
Janurary 2023: Lexapro 40mg
Feburary 2023: Lexapro 30mg
May 2023: Started weening off of Lexapro. Went from 30mg to 20mg
June 2023: Lexapro 10mg for a week then 50mg Zoloft
July 2023: Zoloft 100mg, 2.5mg Olanzapine. Stopped both due to severe side effects and psychiatrist recommendation to try Brintellix.
24th July 2023: Brintellix 5mg
August 1st-27th 2023: 10mg Brintellix
August 27th-current: 5mg Brintellix

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