Mamgu: reducing citalopram

[Momiki]

I'm doing okay-ish. I had a window a week ago, that was nice. I was hoping for a long stretch of stabilization, but unfortunately I was back in a wave after 3 days. Mostly dealing with brain fog and low mood. Perhaps the change to daylight saving time had an influence? I was just starting to wake up by myself as it was becoming light in the morning. Now I'm back to zombie mode when the alarm goes. 😅 Starting tomorrow the weather should improve here, and with it my mood will probably improve as well. Looking forward to the sun and nature waking up!

[Fifree]

On 3/28/2023 at 4:29 AM, Mamgu said:

WooHoo!!  Made it to under 1mg today

Congrats on getting below 1 mg Mamgu. It IS a huge milestone. How are you feeling a few days in? I hope it's all smooth sailing from here.

[Mamgu]

23 hours ago, Momiki said:

I'm doing okay-ish. I had a window a week ago, that was nice. I was hoping for a long stretch of stabilization, but unfortunately I was back in a wave after 3 days. Mostly dealing with brain fog and low mood. Perhaps the change to daylight saving time had an influence? I was just starting to wake up by myself as it was becoming light in the morning. Now I'm back to zombie mode when the alarm goes. 😅 Starting tomorrow the weather should improve here, and with it my mood will probably improve as well. Looking forward to the sun and nature waking up!

 

Hurrah for the window Momiki.  It's gutting when they last such a short time but also great to know they can still happen🙂, they will and they'll get longer.  Nature is trying to wake up in my part of the world, though not much sun just yet.

[Mamgu]

9 hours ago, Fifree said:

Congrats on getting below 1 mg Mamgu. It IS a huge milestone. How are you feeling a few days in? I hope it's all smooth sailing from here.

 

It's OK, if I'm honest I can't say I feel perfectly fine, I really don't. BUT, what I can say is the rough days seem to last just that, a day.  Then I have a few days of feeling alright.  That's a huge improvement on recent dose drops 🙂

 

Another observation I have (and related to the conversation on your thread) I've noticed my passion for reading is returning, for years I couldn't be bothered, or if I did pick up a book I didn't really take it in.  Same with listening to music, this has always been a huge part of my life and again, for the last few years I'd listen to an album but it wouldn't reach me the way it used to.  Recently I've noticed that when I put on an album I can feel the music lifting me and taking me off on those cosmic journeys once again 😀

[Fifree]

22 hours ago, Mamgu said:

Another observation I have (and related to the conversation on your thread) I've noticed my passion for reading is returning, for years I couldn't be bothered, or if I did pick up a book I didn't really take it in.  Same with listening to music, this has always been a huge part of my life and again, for the last few years I'd listen to an album but it wouldn't reach me the way it used to.  Recently I've noticed that when I put on an album I can feel the music lifting me and taking me off on those cosmic journeys once again 

This is great to read. It's quite stunning isn't it? The real you is there all the time and you put your loss of interest in normal things down to something else, but nope, it's the drugs. 

[Mamgu]

So, I had a random phone call from my GP this week.  Totally out of the blue, introduced himself as my new named GP - I've no idea what happened to my old one 🤷‍♀️. He was following up on my call with the other GP from a couple of weeks ago.  To be fair to him, he sounded genuinely interested in my experiences with Citalopram and wanted to understand how I was feeling, including a list of symptoms and what my approach to tapering is.  I started to feel some hope that The System is finally waking up.  Then.....well, he said no one else has the same experience as me 🙄 he'd continue to support me by prescribing Citalopram for a year or so at the lower doses.  I'm prescribed 3 x 10mg tablets per week now.  I only use 2 so I think stockpiling is my best option.

 

I don't know, it's left me with a sense of hopelessness, but that's likely my catastrophising nature taking hold; I'm talking myself down and telling myself, if I need my GP to prescribe for longer then I'm sure I can explain and he'll agree.  See, the CBT is working 😆.  If looking at it from a purely financial perspective - I don't know how much Citalopram costs the NHS but surely it's in their interests to get me off it in a safe way and to never have a need for any antidepressant again.  

[Momiki]

Pft. No one else he knows of has the same experience. Different thing. My GP doesn't seem to grasp it fully either, but she's supportive and doesn't see a reason to rush. She actually helped me with that, made me realise that there is indeed no reason to come off this stuff as fast as possible. It helped me put quality of life before fast tapering.

I can understand the sense of hopelessness, though. It takes energy convincing a doctor of doctor-stuff. You could perhaps send some scientific articles his way, showing you're not the only one experiencing withdrawal. But I myself would probably just leave it. I like to preserve my energy for more enjoyable things. If any doctor plans on not prescribing me the drugs I've become dependent on, when I will inform them that this will very likely prevent me from being able to work and that I will file an official complaint, holding him/her/them accountable.

[Mamgu]

Totally agree with you Momiki, I'll pick my battles and for now, the GP is on-side.  When I tried to come off it under the Drs advice those few years ago I crashed and wasn't able to work, so there's my evidence if things change.  So far, I've been a tax-paying contributor to society; albeit a crazy hermit tax-paying contributor 😆. I'm glad your GP is understanding, well understanding enough to support your decision to take it slow.

 

Good news, spring is springing, the sun is out and my grandchildren are visiting next week. 

[Momiki]

Well, they say there's no place like home, right? So nothing wrong with being a hermit! 😁

[Mamgu]

So my lovely window slammed shut with a vengeance - I was on my fourth drop in the BM cycle and I guess the cumulative effects kicked in then.  Things calmed down fairly quickly though and I'm on the next round now, first week of 2.5% down.

 

I had a great week with my grandchildren, despite being in the full WD turmoil.  I've always referred to it as 'The Squeezies' as the overriding feeling has always been pressure on and in my head.  So, the squeezies in full force, I entertained a 1 year old, 3 year old and 8 year old.  It was lots of fun and we made some lovely memories but boy was I glad when they left!  To be fair most grandparents say the same thing and they aren't withdrawing but I still feel guilty for feeling that.  My nerves were jangling because the days were full-on from 6am to 7pm, all three with different needs and different ways of communicating.  I'm just not used to it.  I have to say, I have greatest respect for any parents who are also withdrawing, it's tough enough without having to deal with the small people.

 

I've a trip to London planned in 3 weeks time, so if things ramp up before then I may take a hold (thus not completing the full BM cycle); it's OK as I want to enjoy my time and I've totally bought into the 'this is gonna take a loooong time' mindset anyway 🙂

 

Onwards and upwards.

x

 

[Mamgu]

Well, I've got to give high praise to Brass Monkey's wisdom for the 4 x 2.5% reductions instead of 1 x 10%, it's making my symptoms so much more tolerable.  I still have them but they don't last as long, though they can be as severe as they've always been.

 

I do find the faffing about a bit tedious but I tell myself it's worth the extra maths and concentration to extract fiddly volumes of liquid drug.  I dissolve a 10mg tablet in 50ml of filtered water,  which seems to be a lot more water than others use but I figure it allows me more control and accurate dosing. I'm currently taking 4.44ml daily which means I use two pipettes: a 10ml and a 1ml - so yeah, a fair bit of concentration is needed, not always my forte 😆

 

 

[Fifree]

I’m glad it’s going well Mamgu. I might try it out myself for the next drop. 
 

[Momiki]

Great to hear that your symptoms are more tolerable! I was looking at your signature, but am a bit confused. Do you only write down the starting doses of each 4-round slide?

[Mamgu]

12 minutes ago, Momiki said:

Great to hear that your symptoms are more tolerable! I was looking at your signature, but am a bit confused. Do you only write down the starting doses of each 4-round slide?

 

Weeeeelllll, I can't be bothered to enter each drop value, if I'm honest!   I consider a round of BM drops as a single 'event' just protracted over 4 weeks.  So that means I enter the mg I'm on at the end of a BM round.  That makes sense in my head, hope it does in yours 😆.  Basically after the last 4 drops of dose I reached 0.89mg and I'll be holding here for a couple of weeks at least.  Hopefully my next signature update will be in 6 weeks time and will be 0.89 less 10%.  That's the idea but as we well know, it's difficult to predict how things actually go 🤷‍♀️

 

 

[Mamgu]

I've tweaked my signature now, hope that's clearer 😊

[Fifree]

Hi Mamgu. Thanks so much for the support over on my thread. It is much appreciated. I just reread your thread and found this quote and it resonates so much.

 

On 9/10/2019 at 6:42 AM, Mamgu said:

Above all though is irritability and finding pleasantries too tedious to entertain.  Which must be difficult for my work colleagues as they have to put up with my moods...I can pretend to be engaged to a point but at times I feel genuinely insulted by their presence and annoyed at having to discuss how they are and what the weather is like.  I used to be a nice person, not so much these days....this makes me sad.

 

You put it so well - it makes me laugh and makes me a little sad.

 

I'm sure we are still nice people underneath the current "low stress tolerance". It really feels dreadful, but if we weren't nice people, I guess it wouldn't bother us that we're being unpleasant.

 

How is your taper going now?

[Mamgu]

Today I reached 0.8 mg of Citalopram, I'm just taking a little moment to reflect on how far I've come.  It's still the rollercoaster ride it was at the start, I still have the most spectacular mood swings from "I'm an idiot for even thinking I could come off this drug, why don't I just go back to taking my full dose" to "wow, this is easy, maybe I could go a bit faster"....all within an hour of each other!   I think it's easier these days and suspect that is due to taking a pragmatic approach especially when the fear and rage hits, I know, really know it's all temporary and I remind myself of this. I remind myself my brain is doing so much work and these are all symptoms of my brain morphing back into its natural state.  When I'm raging or when I'm ultra happy, I don't recognise myself, this isn't the 'real me' so I know it's the effects of Citalopram.

 

I've come from an initial 20mg to 0.8mg.  It seems such a minute amount but still has a profound effect so I've no idea when I'll be able to stop taking it.  I'm starting to think I can jump off soon enough but when I listen to my body, I appreciate there's a way to go yet.  So I'll stop looking at the numbers with an eye to an exit strategy, it is what it is.......acceptance innit!

 

Something of interest on the telly: BBC One - Panorama, The Antidepressant Story  to be aired tonight and should be available afterwards on BBC iPlayer.  I heard it previewed on the radio this morning and it covers the struggles of the likes of you and I.  

 

On 6/15/2023 at 2:57 AM, Fifree said:

I'm sure we are still nice people underneath the current "low stress tolerance". It really feels dreadful, but if we weren't nice people, I guess it wouldn't bother us that we're being unpleasant.

 

Hi Fifree - you are so wise!  Yes, yes that's true, the fact we're bothered about being tetchy means we're nice people 🙂.  I sometimes feel as though I've regressed to my teenage years of fluctuating moods and confusion about life, the universe and everything (the answer is 42 of course 😉).  But at least I can chuck in a few life-being-lived wisdoms and that perspective helps. We're doing great and acknowledging that every now and then is crucial to success, so well done us - yey!

 

Take a breath, onwards and upwards...

 

 

 

 

[Momiki]

Congratulations, Mamgu! 0.8 mg, wow. Making good progress! I'm sorry to hear that it's still a rollercoaster. Is it limited to your moods, or do you also have other withdrawal symptoms to deal with?

 

[Momiki]

9 hours ago, Mamgu said:

Something of interest on the telly: BBC One - Panorama, The Antidepressant Story  to be aired tonight and should be available afterwards on BBC iPlayer.  I heard it previewed on the radio this morning and it covers the struggles of the likes of you and I. 

 

 

I just read on a different part of the forum that Altostrata was interviewed for this episode, as well as some other members of this community! I've bookmarked the link, hopefully my head will be able to follow along for 1 hour.

[Mamgu]

2 hours ago, Momiki said:

Congratulations, Mamgu! 0.8 mg, wow. Making good progress! I'm sorry to hear that it's still a rollercoaster. Is it limited to your moods, or do you also have other withdrawal symptoms to deal with?

 

 

 

Thanks Momiki, I'm so pleased to have made it this far 🙂.  How's things with you? I hope you're well xx

 

It's the whole gamut of symptoms, I have them all.  I think the worse physical one is a spinning/light-headedness feeling when out walking, it can be so intense I feel as though I'm going to fall.   It's worse when I turn my head or even change direction.  I just concentrate on how my feet feel as they make contact with the ground, it literally grounds me!  I have tightness around my scalp, head pressure seemingly from the inside, fatigue, palpitations, nausea and even wrinkly prune-fingers like I've been in the bath for an hour, most odd!  But the most disturbing symptoms are the mood swings, from elation to downright rage.  Perhaps I've become used to the physical ones? I don't know.

 

2 hours ago, Momiki said:

 

I just read on a different part of the forum that Altostrata was interviewed for this episode, as well as some other members of this community! I've bookmarked the link, hopefully my head will be able to follow along for 1 hour.

 

Oooh, I wasn't aware of that, it's about to start as I type but the footie's on and I've become distracted with that😆.  I'll definitely watch on iPlayer later on though. 

 

 

[Mamgu]

Hi @Momiki, I gave up on the footie and watched Panorama instead!  Wow, it was so refreshing to hear the message getting out there, in fact I became quite emotional.  I know this community is full of folks who know the score and to see it on mainstream telly too; well that's hopeful to day the least.  I think I might suggest my GP watches it 😉.  I hope you can manage to watch it too, for no other reason than to feel you're not alone - an odd thing to say on this forum I know as we all get it, but I often feel I'm alone in this fight.

 

@Altostrata - my thanks for your perseverance and kindness in creating this sanity-saving community really doesn't do your efforts justice.  I sincerely believe that I wouldn't have been able to successfully taper this far without the advice and support on this forum.  I'd have been one of those people the doctors write off as 'clearly needing the drug to survive' rather than someone who needs sensible advice to lessen the withdrawal symptoms.  Thank you x

 

 

[Altostrata]

Thanks for those kind words 🙂

[Momiki]

Darn, that sounds very tough. You have a lot more symptoms than I thought you were having. Still hoping the below-1-mg-magic exists for citalopram and will kick in for you soon.

 

I'm doing relatively okay. I was feeling quite crappy, still not having full mental clarity back yet. It's hindering me at work. My last drop was in November, though perhaps I should count from March, as that was when I had moving places and having surgery behind me. It feels endless, like it will never get better. Other people seem able to make progress, yet here I am at a very long hold. Reading about your symptoms put things in perspective, though. Nobody here is having an easy time.

 

I managed to watch the documentary on YouTube on Tuesday! It resulted in a headache (Tuesday is working-at-the-office day, which taxes me quite a bit), but I wanted to see it right away. There wasn't really anything surprising in it, but it was nice to have professors saying: "Look, withdrawal is real and it can be very debilitating". I really hope it will raise further awareness. I absolutely recognize feeling alone in this. I don't have an unsupportive GP and my family is quite understanding, but I find it tough not being able to fall back on an authoritative opinion, when having to convince others about what's going on. A while back I was wondering whether I should go to the "bedrijfsarts" (a medical practitioner focusing on preventing illness and reintegration in the workplace), but the idea of having to explain and convince someone, rather than being supported has held me back (and luckily at the moment I don't feel like I need that kind of support).

I also fully agree with not having been able to reduce my drugs to the point where I'm at without the advice and support on this forum.

[Mamgu]

I think my physical symptoms are either less intense or I'm more at peace with them.  They bother me in the way my aching back bothers me, something to be tolerated until it gets fixed. 

 

I took a bit of a gamble a few months back where I wondered if a long hold would be the best thing as I was never symptom-free/symptom-stable, or to try working through the reductions and assessing if the tapering was intolerable.  My gamble paid off and it's OK.  My previous pattern was 10% drops with at least 4 weeks wait, but I found after 2 or 3 drops I'd need a longer hold. That was my trigger to try the Brass Monkey method and I have to say it is much easier on the nervous system.  So, I have found the under 1mg doses are in fact easier on me; now that might be due to commencing the BM method, taking doses under 1mg or coincidence?  I'll never know but while it's working for me, I'm running with it! 

 

So there is hope Momiki, when you feel it's time to pick it up again, I'd recommend giving the BM method a go 🙂.  I went through a frightening phase of mental fugginess where my memory was shocking and cognitive abilities were shattered, it impacted my ability to work, not helped by starting a new job at that time,  I recall saying to my new boss "I'm better than this, I know I can do this but something's stopping my brain from functioning".   Luckily for me she was supportive and when I disclosed my anti depressant withdrawal, she took that into account.  That discussion was a leap of faith though, so many people still say rubbish like "well you clearly need the antidepressant then" or "well, I just stopped taking mine and had no problems" 🙄.  I still remember feeling frightened, bewildered and impatient though.   The "bedrijfsarts" you mention, sounds like Occupational Health we have in the UK perhaps.  I work as an HR Advisor and would always suggest an OH referral for folks experiencing mental or physical symptoms that impact their ability to work.  Obviously I'm not familiar with "bedrijfsarts", but I imagine having to convince them you're experiencing these severe symptoms and they have no medically-approved point of reference might not be helpful. It's so exhausting isn't it?  At least that Panorama episode is a small piece in the huge jigsaw of education and enlightenment!  As an aside, I'll keep bedrijfsarts in mind as we've just acquired a company with employees based in The Netherlands, it might come in handy one day 🙂

 

I've learnt many things from this forum and one of those is we're all different and we all need a bespoke tapering plan that must be flexible, when we start this process most of us built lovely spreadsheets with an end date in mind, I passed my proposed end date two years ago!!!  And I'm suspecting I'll need another couple of years. Maybe. Who knows 😂

 

 

[Momiki]

Thanks for the reminder. Yes, we are indeed all different. I recently came to the (re?)-realization that my migraine medication is probably making my tapering harder, thanks to your comment. Even if I didn't have a need for migraine medication, it would still be completely legitimate to be kind to myself and be patient, but it's nice to have something concrete to blame it on. 😛

 

Great that you had such a supportive new boss! I would fear they would kick me out first change they get, if I were to start somewhere new.

 

I've tried the BrassMonkey Slide in the past, but I found it makes it more difficult to know when I should take a (longer) tapering break, as it usually takes at least two weeks for my symptoms to show up. Perhaps in the future I should try again, but then with even smaller drops. But for now I'm going for the very very long hold, I'm no longer in a rush.

[Mamgu]

16 hours ago, Momiki said:

 But for now I'm going for the very very long hold, I'm no longer in a rush.

 

 

This is such a powerful statement 😎 Sounds to me like you've found true acceptance and have some sort of peace in this chaotic experience!  When I joined this site I poured over the advice (often re-visited) and noted that acceptance is key to a successful outcome.  There's no need to rush and makes things intolerable.

 

It sucks that your migraine medication is making things more difficult though.  I suppose by identifying this it can only help keep things in perspective. 

 

We shall keep on keeping on!

 

 

[Mamgu]

Yesterday was my scheduled day to commence the next round of BM drops but last week I thought I could do with a longer hold.  Things were slowly ramping up and then yesterday they hit with a vengeance, so definitely the right decision.

 

These are the most intense symptoms:

low mood bordering on despair

feeling of heaviness, especially in my legs when I walk 

aching hips and back when walking

head pressure (inside and on scalp)

difficulty breathing - at times having to consciously draw in breath to prevent shallow breathing

tinnitus like I've never had before

tight aching jaw

random itching

low concentration - I often catch myself out gazing off into the distance, not thinking any particular thoughts

muscle convulsions, especially when trying to drift off to sleep.  This is like a missed heartbeat but not restricted to my heart, I have these in my stomach and legs.

 

Well, I can take a hint so am holding for a while 🤣.  I'm attributing most of those to withdrawal but I can also see links between some of those and being overweight, esp with the breathing and painful hips and back.  I'm very fat and always have been apart from 5 minutes in my 30's when I achieved a decent healthy weight!  I'm one of those people who comes from a long line of fat people and find it oh so difficult to eat healthy portion sizes.  It's obsessional and torturous, but is my life-long battle.  The reason for mentioning here is I wonder if my general feeling of low moods ('what's the point' sort of musings) are impacting my weight gain - I mean I've put on a lot of weight during this withdrawal process, and I started off pretty huge 😆.  Walking is my therapy and i used to be able to walk miles, these days I struggle walking 3 miles, but I plough through because I need the therapeutic benefits of being outdoors in nature, I need the exercise and my dog needs the exercise!  

 

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is it's all getting a bit much at the moment, no respite, constant battling and feeling as though I'm not getting anywhere.  Not helped by being lonely, I'm struggling to overcome social anxiety and am trying to meet people but my goodness that's also a battle.

 

Oh well, when this latest wave recedes I'll likely feel invigorated, the world will seem a better place and I'll stop the negative thoughts and just get on with life!  That's the plan.

 

On a positive note, my son will be visiting in a couple of weeks and we're finally going on his long-overdue 30th birthday outing treat.  He was 30 in 2020 and I'd booked us tickets for the Harry Potter Studio tour but the week before we were due to go lockdown happened!  So, we've got our acts together and are going later this month 🙂.  He was obsessional about Harry Potter and I really enjoyed the books and films so I'm very much looking forward to spending some time with him and the wizards 😍

[Fifree]

Sorry to read you’re going through it atm Mamgu. Glad you did that hold after the last slide. I’ve been thinking about the slide and the little monster on my shoulder tells me I’ll lose time if I do the 2 week hold. Of course there is no deadline to get off so I don’t know why I put this pressure on myself. 
 

The symptoms from WD never stop surprising me. The itching, aches and pains have particularly been a shock. Why? Just why?

 

6 hours ago, Mamgu said:

when this latest wave recedes I'll likely feel invigorated, the world will seem a better place and I'll stop the negative thoughts and just get on with life

I love this. When this latest wave recedes. It’s good to remember that it will recede. It’s so easy to fall into catastrophising when we hit a wave - that it’s going to be forever - but you are obviously not in that frame of mind. Stay strong.  
 

i certainly hope you are back on the up and up when it’s time for your son’s visit. My daughter is 30 and was completely obsessed with HP as a child too. What a great birthday outing. It would be great if we could all pick up a healing potion or charm from Diagon Alley and get this awful process over with. CNS repairo! 

[Mamgu]

Hi Fifree, thanks for your encouraging comments 🙂

 

17 hours ago, Fifree said:

It would be great if we could all pick up a healing potion or charm from Diagon Alley and get this awful process over with. CNS repairo! 

 

This really made me laugh out loud, from now on my mantra will be CNS repairo 😂 

 

I totally catastrophise and when I realise I'm doing it I'll put the brakes on.  I try to maintain perspective and keep positive but it's difficult when the wave comes with it's depressive thoughts and bleakness.  But yep, it's temporary and will go away.  Soon I hope!  Hey, at least the insomnia has gone 🙂

 

We're in this for the long haul and it does get exhausting, I still have thoughts such as jumping off now, I mean how much worse can this be.....then I read the experiences of others and think, well at least I'm managing, of sorts, with life.  It's not a race, there's no short cuts, it is what it is.

 

CNS repairo 🪄

xx

[Fifree]

10 minutes ago, Mamgu said:

This really made me laugh out loud, from now on my mantra will be CNS repairo 😂 

So glad you got a laugh out of it - it could've fallen completely flat and I would've felt really stupid! 🤣

 

13 minutes ago, Mamgu said:

I still have thoughts such as jumping off now, I mean how much worse can this be..

This happens to me too. I think "Ugh I can't be bothered with 3-4 more years of this awfulness! I'm just gonna listen to my Dr's advice and jump." But I know I could feel so much worse and I do not want to go there. And there is zero guarantee that it would be over any sooner.  Might be 3 years of hell instead of 3 years of unpleasantness.

 

It's great that you're functioning at an acceptable level. Are you managing work and everything ok? I'm sorry you're feeling so blue though. I'd take the physical symptoms over the emotional ones any day of the week.

 

I'm thinking of you

 

 

[Mamgu]

On 7/12/2023 at 8:20 AM, Fifree said:

It's great that you're functioning at an acceptable level. Are you managing work and everything ok? I'm sorry you're feeling so blue though. I'd take the physical symptoms over the emotional ones any day of the week.

 

I'm thinking of you

 

 

 

 

Ahh, thanks Fifree ❤️

 

Work is OK, I have my ups and downs but I'm pretty autonomous and work from home mostly so when I have bad days I don't have to worry about how my mood affects others around me.  I'm always second guessing myself these days though and I can take longer than I'd prefer doing some tasks.  I think I'm doing OK but I have my mid-year review coming up so I'll see whether I'm blagging it enough 😂

 

I totally agree, I'd take the physical symptoms over emotional ones.  The good news is my mood is lifting a tad, so finger's crossed I'll soon be able to cope with the world once more 🙂.  I've even booked myself onto a meditation course run at a nearby village, I've only done YouTube mindfulness sessions before but thought I'd give the group 'live' session a go.  And who knows, I might even meet some pleasant and interesting people as a result of going.

 

 

[Mamgu]

I had a rubbish day yesterday, low mood, in tears and generally feeling sorry for myself.  My throat constricts when I'm really upset and I had that all day.  I applied my usual tactics of positive thoughts, contemplating things that are good in my life, exercise, gardening, watching telly......... but I didn't fully engage with any of those.  In itself, this isn't anything to worry about because I know it for what it is and it passes, in fact I feel perkier today.

 

However. When trying to drift off to sleep last night I heard a voice in my head, very clearly.  I've never experienced this before, I've heard sounds that I know didn't happen (dog barking for instance) or a kind of dreaming the voice (far off and vague), if that makes sense.  Always when in that between-sleep-and-between-awake phase, but this time I heard a click, my brain is interpreting this as a cassette player being switched on and then my own voice saying "helloooooo" in a mildly bored way as if I'd been trying to attract my attention for some time but was being ignored.  OK, I appreciate this is all very mild and not at all sinister, quite amusing even as I write it down, but it put the heebie-geebies up me.  The voice was very clear and out of the blue, there was no context by which I mean I wasn't thinking/dreaming anything that would result in someone trying to capture my attention.

 

I've tried to search for "voices" on this site under the Symptoms and Self Care section but couldn't find a reference.  I'm convinced this is WD-related as I've never experienced anything like this before. I especially think this is the case as I'm in a particularly strong wave at the moment.

 

Anyway, just putting this here for my records, hopefully there'll be no repeat and it's a one-off.

[Mamgu]

I've been in such a horrible wave lately, as bad as it's ever been and that old demon dropped by with its "you'll never be well again" unhelpful mutterings. So it was with some apprehension I went on my planned trip to the Harry Potter Studios tour with my son yesterday, I wasn't sure how long I'd last as the day before I could barely talk due to fatigue.  Anyway, I perked right up and had the energy for the full experience, we were there for 6 hours in the end!!  Most of that time I was on my feet so I'm stunned that I lasted that long, though I struggled at the end.  

 

I hope this means the wave is receding and I can get back on track.

 

CNS repairo 🪄

 

 

[Momiki]

That's great, Mamgu! I'm glad you got to fully enjoy the experience with your son!

 

If we're to judge by the success stories, we will be well again eventually. 🤞Keep on keeping on.

 

[Fifree]

On 7/16/2023 at 5:56 PM, Mamgu said:

it put the heebie-geebies up me

That would definitely spook me too. Hopefully it's one-off and just a weird blip. Sometimes our minds do do weird things in that space between being asleep and being awake and I'm sure being in a wave doesn't help matters. Very glad to hear that the trip to HP world went well. I so want to do that with my 30 yo too!  Hope the wave subsides soon.

[Mamgu]

Was kind of hoping I'd be OK to recommence the reductions but I'm still having a grotty time.  I think I'm better than this time last week, it's difficult to tell though as the symptoms are different.  My low mood isn't so bad but my head is very painful and I think I'm experiencing brain zaps.  A kind of clicking and pulsing inside my head - always when trying to drift off to sleep (seems to be a pattern around that between sleep & awake time?) but also throughout the day.  Work is also challenging me at the moment, lots of difficult conversations to be had, at the end of the day my head physically feels like its melting, all soft and mushy 😆

 

I went to the group meditation session on Sunday and it was marvellous, I floated home!!  I do some kind of meditation at home on my own but the group session was much better.

 

So, more meditation and less difficult conversations......if only!