sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[Giulietta]

Hi there. Thinking of you and glad you have turned the corner (touch wood!).  Hugs. 😉

[MissyE]

Sunny!

 

Just caught up with your thread.  Sorry about your brother's diagnosis and your horrid waves. 

I echo Adil and Gridley's words of wisdom and support.  Relieved you haven't updosed  Leave the muck on hold; as long as it takes!

 

Yes, you have the non drug coping techniques beautifully woven into your routine.  Easy to say, but do not let guilt spoil your time off.  You need this for healing.  Your nervous system, mind and soul need the rest.  Work will tick over and the earth will continue to turn on it's axis.  It's good to read your mood and anxiety are showing improvements too.

 

You are important and your health needs this pause.  I'm here rooting for you love, with as many long, warm hugs as you need.

 

Love, peace, sparkles; namaste Missy xxxx

 

Ps I love "emotionally constipated" I shall be using this phrase whenever l can 😘

[sunnysideup69]

Thanks @Sottana, @Guilietta and @MissyE

 

Appreciate your good wishes. Not spending too much time online at the moment, trying to be occupied in the world. But will pop by your threads a bit later to see how you are. You are all in my thoughts anyways. 

xxx

[Giulietta]

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Not spending too much time online at the moment, trying to be occupied in the world.

 

Hi Sweetie,

 

A break helps healing and our brain grow synapses to recover by being in the 'world' outside of SA.  I found this great thread on neuroplasticity, healing, etc. on SA in case you are interested:

Neuroplasticity and limbic retraining - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

You can always PM me if/when you want a quick update.

 

Hope you are doing OK with fam.

 

Hugs,

G.

 

[thelegend]

7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Thanks @Adili13, @Guilietta and @MissyE

 

Appreciate your good wishes. Not spending too much time online at the moment, trying to be occupied in the world. But will pop by your threads a bit later to see how you are. You are all in my thoughts anyways. 

xxx

Hopefully this means you are doing much better, if that is the case I am so happy! You give me hope! 

[Erell]

Quickly stopping by here To give you hugs ❤

[Giulietta]

On 2/21/2020 at 3:07 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Not spending too much time online at the moment, trying to be occupied in the world.

 

Hi Sweetie

 

Does this mean you are feeling better, I hope? How have you been doing? I hope so.

 

Just spent some time reviewing your thread and found a lot of common remarks/feelings with just about all of us.   We do beat ourselves up tremendously on this journey. I also carry around the baggage of guilt in part because (I ) am trying to function normally but can't, and may not be able to contribute as others expect (or I think they may expect). Guilt is part of anxiety - and forgiveness of ourselves for this is the antidote I think. What othrs may think is their business. It's easy to say but harder to do when we don't love ourselves (enough) - words said to me by someone who knows these things.

 

These are such complex and justifiable emotions we are all trying to figure out.

 

Well-meaning friends (and you are so lucky to have them!) who suggest we keep busy, etc.care about you. 

 

Hugs,

G.

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Good morning world. It's my 51st birthday today. Despite family sadness, have woken up feeling really grateful for another year. Not back at work til Wednesday and will be doing the bare minimum at the moment.

Happy birthday to meeeee xxxx

[Sottana]

@sunnysideup69

 

Happy birthday, Sunnyside! May this year bring you copious amounts of healing joy! Here’s to you, good friend!! 
 

 

[Cocopuffz17]

7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Good morning world. It's my 51st birthday today. Despite family sadness, have woken up feeling really grateful for another year. Not back at work til Wednesday and will be doing the bare minimum at the moment.

Happy birthday to meeeee xxxx

Happy bday! To another year of healing! 

[Giulietta]

16 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Happy birthday to meeeee xxxx

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

 

Hello Sweetie - I wish you a happy and healthy year (and many more)! Perhaps you were able to get a nice dessert or piece of cake. 😉  

 

I try always to see the positive in things even when it is hard to remember to do so.   We have so much to be thankful for!

 

Here's to another year of getting better!

 

Hugs,

Giulietta

 

 

 

 

[Erell]

Happy birthday my dear Sunny ! A new year for you, a new year To heal more and more !

 

Much love ❤

[sunnysideup69]

Update for the week just gone....

 

Good morning everybody!

 

Well, this past week has been okay, with some more difficult bits. I saw my bro last Saturday and my mood dips a bit afterwards...understandable I guess.I had set myself the goal of visiting him every other weekend, but have realised that I just can't do that AND hold down a job. I've visited twice. I will hopefully visit again in March, but I have to pace myself. The journey is tiring and it's also emotionally demanding. I just don't have those reserves at the moment.

Sunday Monday Tuesday were good, increased anxiety Tuesday morning. Wednesday was a bit of a depressed day, then perked up Thursday and Friday. This morning not feeling so great. But I went to bed late, so that could be part of the reason. Still really at WD normal most days.

 

My diet this last month has been absolutely crap...lots of sugar. So I'm using Lent to cut out the refined sugar/ added sugar again. It definitely affects my mood and puts me on a bit of a rollercoaster. I've kind of wanted the comfort of sweet foods this month but now Spring is on the way in, time for a reset, starting tomorrow.

 

Went back to work this week after two weeks out at the end of last half term, recovering from shock/wobble re brother. It's tiring to be at work, but it's also a welcome distraction in many ways.

 

Skin; cheeks and forehead are smooth and blemish -free, as they have been continually. Chin/around mouth, still spotty. But unlike any spots I've had before. They take AGES to clear up, and there's nothing to squeeze out (eeeeew! TMI, I know.) But I think the blemishes that came first, on the side of my nose and on the right above top lip, are slowly becoming flatter and going away.

 

Oh yes, and have had quite bad gut ache on the left side. Could be meds? Could also be poor diet. 

 

 

Dreaming; I've had some really turbulent dreams this week, one quite meaningful.

So that's me. How are you all doing?

[Giulietta]

Hi Sweetie

 

Just a quick scattered note for now

 

I'm doing Ok -but for you

 

Sounds like you held up quite well for yourself given your difficult circs with brother, work, and WD. Please put more of yourself first - get sleep and relax. Less sugar would be nice. 😉 I have been terrible on the diet side too. Sugar does boost my spirts and comees in these pretty shiny wrapping. LOL

 

Work is a wonderful distraction and would expect to be tired when you get home after all the time off.

 

The pain on the abdominal side may be due to diet. I find when I am not eating well I can have belly pains. Otherwise belly pains may be due to WD as gut things are a top WD issue. As you know. 😉

 

Glad to hear you have your lovely complexsion back

 

Hugs,

G

 

 

[Cocopuffz17]

@sunnysideup69 Hey thanks for stopping by and leaving a message for me. I really appreciate it!

 

I am doing very well. There are a few days of awful symptoms but the improvement to a year ago is unimaginable. I’ll wake up feeling hungover for many days but that only lasts 10-30 mins and then I can crush the day !!! 
 

I know the challenges with these meds and I would of not been able to get off of it without others showing their support and sharing their stories. So I must do the same to help others get to the other side! 
 

Everyday that passes is another day closer to being healed !!! 

[sunnysideup69]

A quick roundup of February.

 

Basically, really hoping I will get back to where I was in January, mood wise.

 

Still healing, but feel like I was a bit more symptomatic after family news of terminal cancer. Having a few more 'down' days, which I guess is pretty normal given the circumstances.

Feeling quite easily overwhelmed.

 

More intrusive thoughts this month, too.

 

I've also put the brakes on what I can do with regards to family situation. I can visit my brother occasionally. I can't go every other week, as I was doing, it's too much.

 

Given the circumstances, though, I'm coping okay. Having a few depressive thoughts here and there, but I recognise them as symptoms of a tired nervous system that has had a lot of shocks over the past couple of years.

 

Also, slight uptick in anxiety in the mornings but again, that's ripples from what's happened over the last few weeks.

 

Feeling a bit sorry for self at times that not only do we have to cope with WD, we have to cope with hard circumstances on top. 

 

Going back to work last week was pretty knackering. I've not done much over the weekend and am just resting up today and tomorrow. I have absolutely zero tolerance for people's nonsense at work. Can't be bothered with it.

 

Went out for Sunday lunch with a friend yesterday, was kind of dreading it beforehand but it actually did me good. 

 

Since last Wednesday, have had some episodes of really painful stomach/ stitch like pains. Was so bad last night, I had to get up and make a hot water bottle for myself, which eased things a bit. I mentioned before that my diet has been pretty bad over February, lots of sugar and wheat, so that could be related. However, I remembered yesterday that I used to get this a lot on Citalopram, especially at the 20mg dose. Another gift of WD? Also, could be stress related.

 

Anyway, no plans today. Cancelled dog walking. I feel like taking things slowly today, might get into the garden and do some weeding. Eat good food. Feel like I'm in a bit of a wave since Saturday, so just waiting waiting waiting for it to pass.

Have renewed 'no sugar' for Lent. Might have an Easter egg treat but then will restrict sugary treats to special occasions.

[sunnysideup69]

Hmmm...seem to be going through a bit of a wave since Saturday, I'd say. Any positive vibes, greatly appreciated, I'd forgotten what waves are like.

 

So far, not as severe as previous waves, but definitely going through more ups and downs since Saturday. Also, have cut out sugar again as of yesterday, so that may be contributing to slight instability of moods. Just feel very up and down during the day. Depressed, then okay, then anxious, then okay. Feel very shaky.

 

Obviously situ with brother has given system a shock, but then went back to work last week, which is another shock after three weeks away, and I think it has made me wobble. 

Reminding myself it will go and just resting this next two days.

 

At least I'm still sleeping, which is good. 

 

 

[thelegend]

@sunnysideup69 - sending thoughts and prayers your way. I know it really sucks to hit a wave after feeling good. Just know you are healing!

[Junglechicken]

Hi Sunny,

 

All of your symptoms, whether WD or related to your brother's diagnosis, are completely understandable.

 

There is a term known as "stress load", and the more stress that gets piled on to us/our CNS, the more our bodies react with symptoms.

 

Sending you HUGE hugs,

 

JC xx 

[Giulietta]

Hello Sweetie,

 

First - hello and nice to see your update. 

 

You are very smart to put boundaries on what you will / can do for others. We are all learning to do this (not just us on SA!) . Even though you may want to do more or want to do a think (like how often you visit your brother) - it does not serve you. Maybe it would help you avoid the shock if you ahead of time set expectations about visits to yoru brother? Knowing his status before you see him, maybe limiting time spent visiting, and having positive thoughts of some kind - happy memories - of time iwth him? It must be torturous. I'm sorry.

 

JC's remarks about 'stress load' are spot on. The stress weakens your immune system as well, which is not something everyone considers. 

 

3 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Just feel very up and down during the day. Depressed, then okay, then anxious, then okay. Feel very shaky.

 

This is crummy. Even though you (and we) know this is part of WD - it is a tiring invasion of our lives. We feel like we've turned a corner (and we have!) but I know I am emotionally deflated when hit by resurgence of symptoms.

 

Glad you are taking it easy today. I would week if the weeds were not frozen in the ground. 🤣

 

Hope you enjoyed your sweets even if they made you a bit wobbly.

 

Hugs,

G.

 

[sunnysideup69]

13 hours ago, thelegend said:

@sunnysideup69 - sending thoughts and prayers your way. I know it really sucks to hit a wave after feeling good. Just know you are healing!

 

Thanks @thelegend, it's a TOTAL bummer. But a reminder that I/ we MUST look after our nervous systems. This honestly has to come first in WD, however selfish it feels.

 

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers. Hard to remember that I'm still healing, at times. January was so much better, so I know I'm pretty close to stability, and most of February has been okay, but wow it's a real test of patience.

We just have to hang in there.

[sunnysideup69]

13 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

Hi Sunny,

 

All of your symptoms, whether WD or related to your brother's diagnosis, are completely understandable.

 

There is a term known as "stress load", and the more stress that gets piled on to us/our CNS, the more our bodies react with symptoms.

 

Sending you HUGE hugs,

 

JC xx 

 

Yep....ugh! It's so frustrating. Keep trying to remind myself that I'd be feeling sad anyway, but it's so frustrating to have symptoms back again as well. Increased jiteriness, anxiety. 

 

Feeling a bit antisocial, too....haven't felt that for a while.

Luckily, don't have to go to work til tomorrow, so today am going to walk/ jog for a bit of exercise and then just rest. Maybe do some weeding. That's all. Keep reminding myself, this is WD, it will pass again.

 

Thank you xxx hope you are okay xxx

[sunnysideup69]

12 hours ago, Giulietta said:

Hello Sweetie,

 

First - hello and nice to see your update. 

 

You are very smart to put boundaries on what you will / can do for others. We are all learning to do this (not just us on SA!) . Even though you may want to do more or want to do a think (like how often you visit your brother) - it does not serve you. Maybe it would help you avoid the shock if you ahead of time set expectations about visits to yoru brother? Knowing his status before you see him, maybe limiting time spent visiting, and having positive thoughts of some kind - happy memories - of time iwth him? It must be torturous. I'm sorry.

 

JC's remarks about 'stress load' are spot on. The stress weakens your immune system as well, which is not something everyone considers. 

 

Yes, agree with all this. Strange, cos I coped with visiting him a second time, really well. I knew what to expect second time. It wasn't enjoyable, though, I've got to be honest. Its hard work.

I think the crappy diet combined with work triggered a melt down this weekend. I've been eating quite badly over February generally, not being as careful over what's going in, adding more sugary foods for energy.It was good to indulge but my body doesn't want it at the moment.

 

Thanks for the support, hun. More time, more patience required.

[sunnysideup69]

Good morning. Still in wave. Definitely waking with more anxiety / dread over the last couple of days. 

 

Amazing what bad diet and going back to work can do to the body, really. Pretty sure feeling crappy is mostly linked to bad diet over February....so, another lesson learned. Body really needs good nutrition at the moment.

 

Work have been really good, all pressure of observations / meeting targets has been taken off me this half term. So the stress isn't really coming from them...it's just a load on my system to get up and go to work at the moment. But, I'm doing it. Got today to rest. Have reverted to being a bit antisocial again, which is frustrating, as in January was feeling much more expansive and sociable.

 

I feel drained.

 

On a good note, however, the weird spotty eruptions around my nose and mouth are finally, slowly, going away. Lovely WD spots are ceasing to be. It's a slow process, mind you. They are not giving up without a fight. Gonna try my normal face cream today, it's a natural one from Lush and is especially for sensitive skin, so should be okay.

Also, I'm still enjoying planting and growing some seeds. 

Also, decided to be kind to self and not force myself to run this morning...will walk my 5k instead, it's gentler on my body, and will do some restorative yoga later on. Need to build my energy up rather than squander it away. Running can come again later.

 

Went to bed at 8 30pm last night, was so wiped out after a day of doing pretty much nothing. Did manage to venture out for a late birthday lunch on Sunday with a friend, which was lovely. Apart from that, have spent a LOT of time on the sofa.

 

[sunnysideup69]

PS got a question for you all. Do you think that cutting out sugar again, can cause some symptoms? Temporarily, as brain gets used to not getting its fix?

 

February was really sugary and have stopped that as of Sunday. Felt really exhausted yesterday, which could be connected...huge sugar crash.

 

 

[Cocopuffz17]

1 minute ago, sunnysideup69 said:

PS got a question for you all. Do you think that cutting out sugar again, can cause some symptoms? Temporarily, as brain gets used to not getting its fix?

 

February was really sugary and have stopped that as of Sunday. Felt really exhausted yesterday, which could be connected...huge sugar crash.

 

 

I think it’s withdrawal from sugar. Before I came of paroxetine I cut sugar cold turkey.... I laid in bed for three days shaking and sweating. I know nutrition changes were the absolute only reason I was able to come off this drug this time after many challenging attempts. 
 

When I eat poorly my WD symptoms spike for sure.... reminds me to focus on the end game, staying med free. 
 

Everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed! 

[pinciukas]

2 hours ago, Cocopuffz17 said:

I think it’s withdrawal from sugar. Before I came of paroxetine I cut sugar cold turkey.... I laid in bed for three days shaking and sweating. I know nutrition changes were the absolute only reason I was able to come off this drug this time after many challenging attempts. 
 

When I eat poorly my WD symptoms spike for sure.... reminds me to focus on the end game, staying med free. 
 

Everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed! 

I believe it is different for everyone. I was on low carb lifestyle for a year and never felt 100% good. Then I just switched to normal diet I mean enough fruits and veggies moderate carbs I can eat burger cake or chocolate and i feel much much better. Probably person needs to find food what suits him best. 

[pinciukas]

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Good morning. Still in wave. Definitely waking with more anxiety / dread over the last couple of days. 

 

Amazing what bad diet and going back to work can do to the body, really. Pretty sure feeling crappy is mostly linked to bad diet over February....so, another lesson learned. Body really needs good nutrition at the moment.

 

Work have been really good, all pressure of observations / meeting targets has been taken off me this half term. So the stress isn't really coming from them...it's just a load on my system to get up and go to work at the moment. But, I'm doing it. Got today to rest. Have reverted to being a bit antisocial again, which is frustrating, as in January was feeling much more expansive and sociable.

 

I feel drained.

 

On a good note, however, the weird spotty eruptions around my nose and mouth are finally, slowly, going away. Lovely WD spots are ceasing to be. It's a slow process, mind you. They are not giving up without a fight. Gonna try my normal face cream today, it's a natural one from Lush and is especially for sensitive skin, so should be okay.

Also, I'm still enjoying planting and growing some seeds. 

Also, decided to be kind to self and not force myself to run this morning...will walk my 5k instead, it's gentler on my body, and will do some restorative yoga later on. Need to build my energy up rather than squander it away. Running can come again later.

 

Went to bed at 8 30pm last night, was so wiped out after a day of doing pretty much nothing. Did manage to venture out for a late birthday lunch on Sunday with a friend, which was lovely. Apart from that, have spent a LOT of time on the sofa.

 

Hello sunnysideup69! You give me so much inspiration in my WD journey. Keep going you will heal for sure!

[sunnysideup69]

28 minutes ago, pinciukas said:

Hello sunnysideup69! You give me so much inspiration in my WD journey. Keep going you will heal for sure!

 

@pinciukas, that comment has really cheered me up, thank you! I'm actually feeling a bit better today,although still not quite right. 

Incidentally, I've tried low carb before and it doesn't suit me at all, I need carbs!

February was a sugar binge month though so have cut it out again for Lent. Also was hardly eating fruit and veggies.

Aiming to maybe have a sugary treat once a month after Easter....starting with an Easter egg on Easter Sunday.

[sunnysideup69]

Hello friends,

I'm obsessing a bit over return of symptoms. Any encouraging words / reminders of healing greatly appreciated.

 

Being in a bit of a wave again has knocked me a bit, so long since I felt crappy, last time was Christmas! So it has taken me by surprise a bit.

 

Thank you xxx

[sunnysideup69]

PS I suppose what I'm asking is, is it normal to become a bit destabilised again during recovery by outside stressful events? Logically, I know that if someone else asked me that question, the answer would be yes. Just can't seem to answer for myself.

[Cocopuffz17]

2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

PS I suppose what I'm asking is, is it normal to become a bit destabilised again during recovery by outside stressful events? Logically, I know that if someone else asked me that question, the answer would be yes. Just can't seem to answer for myself.

Absolutely it is. I have been feeling fairly well for over a month, but the last 2-3 days have rocked me with insomnia/GI pain and I have struggled to sleep. I know it will get better. 

 

It's nuts how great you feel and your what your mind thinks when you are doing well and how it can change on a dime when the wave comes. It will get better again. The windows and waves pattern of recovery is such a perfect way of describing it. 

 

Everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed

[sunnysideup69]

Thanks @Cocopuffz17, me too with the GI pain and bad sleep. Also, anxiety. It's horrible. It will pass,.I know, but it's frustrating.

[Cocopuffz17]

2 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Thanks @Cocopuffz17, me too with the GI pain and bad sleep. Also, anxiety. It's horrible. It will pass,.I know, but it's frustrating.

You are welcome!  Ya, anxiety is tough. I constantly tell myself it’s the withdrawals I will get through this! 

[sunnysideup69]

By the end of yesterday, felt slightly better. Managed work although felt a bit unhinged all morning and tearful.

Something else that happens in waves ...I dream a LOT. Last night, woke up from dreaming three times. Anxiety is creeping into sleep...it was an unpleasant dream. 

I read somewhere that excessive dreaming is also due to rumination, which I was doing a LOT over the weekend. Brain is then overactive at night.

I still have GI pain down left side. It eases with a hot water bottle.

Have had lots of anhedonia in this wave, pointlessness, meaninglessness. 

I've had 4 days off the sugar again and am beginning to calm down. Am pretty sure wave has been triggered by tiredness plus sh*tty diet. Lesson has been learned.

Still feeling very tired and irritable, today, gotta go to work. At least I only have to work 8 30 to 2 30 today, then have a free period so I get to go home early and rest.

Haven't run this week, not since Tuesday last week, in fact. Decided that if I'm in a wave, I'm going to walk 5k, not run. It's kinder on my body, and helps me to slow down. Will walk on Saturday instead of run. Then resume running on Tuesday next week.

Gonna wade my way through the next two days of work, then looking forward to a weekend of friend-visiting, gardening and gentle exercise.

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

*** moaning alert *** Just need to vent, please bypass this if you need cheering up.

 

Had some weird neuro emotion today, woke up feeling a bit better but still in a wave. I know because I have less patience with the kids at work, they aren't really behaving any differently, it's just my tolerance is lower.

 

So I feel a bit like I've been grouchy teacher today. Then I feel guilty.

 

Also for the last hour or so, have been having some weird neuro-depression. Ugh! It's horrible. Weather here is not helping. It's a UK shade of grey and rainy.

 

I'm frustrated because I can't be as carefree with my energy as I used to be. E.g. tonight, would love to go to 5 rhythms, but it means I'd get to bed a bit later and then may suffer for that tomorrow at work...or rather, kids may have even grumpier teacher. Nope. Can't do that to them.

 

I wish this wave would just sod off. I've had enough of it now. I'm tired of stress ramping up the symptoms.