miomio: introduction

[Marta]

@miomio how are you doing? I have the same as you.

[miomio]

Hei Marta!

I still have it.

when did u get it ? I got that after around 2,5 years after i stopped citalopram.

[Marta]

@miomio after 13 months. I was doing ok. Then suddenly I lost all. It's crazy after so much time.

 

It's like a time bomb with this molecules

[ChessieCat]

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[arbor]

Hi @miomio  How are you doing?

Arbor

[miomio]

15 hours ago, arbor said:

Hi @miomio  How are you doing?

Arbor

Hi Arbor!

Well, a lot happened. I am doing OK.

I still try to find myself, I feel kind of disconnected and still have no feelings... At least good ones, I am able to feel anger that bothers me.

Good things are that I am able to hold a 40 % job and work some weekends. I aim to work more. I was really exhausted  from the antidepressants.I got a diagnosis of ME in 2019, but I know it's not what I have. It's from the Antidepressants,it slowly gets better. I lost my girlfriend and the house last summer. I should feel bad about this, but it doesn't bother me,even if i know that's totally wrong. But I have an urge inside me to feel love and pleasure. Maybe one day i will get my feelings back. I still have waves sometimes, even really bad ones,then i feel like i have the flu or I am gonna die, but I haven't yet.

 

I hope the free grammar checker did his work :-)

[arbor]

Thank you for sharing your update @miomio

On 4/29/2022 at 3:05 AM, miomio said:

I am able to feel anger that bothers me.

I sure can relate to what you're saying.  The anger is a terrible burden.

 

On 4/29/2022 at 3:05 AM, miomio said:

But I have an urge inside me to feel love and pleasure.

This sounds like a glimmer of healing.  I will be celebrating when you get your feelings back.  I believe you will.🌱

 

On 4/29/2022 at 3:05 AM, miomio said:

I am able to hold a 40 % job and work some weekends.

This is wonderful news.  It's so hard during w/d to work in a regular sense.

 

Have you read through the Success Stories.  They can be reassuring.  Here's a link:   

Success stories

It's good to hear from you, miomio.

Sending you wishes for future health and happiness,

Arbor

 

 

[Ariel]

Hi @miomio

Thank you for posting your update. It's very helpful to members such as myself.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. 

 

I can relate to a lot of what you describe. I am also in protracted withdrawal from escitalopram. Turns out it's a very potent drug! I've read on SA it's one of the most powerful. I went off of escitalopram in 2018, just like you. There's something meaningful about encountering another member on such a similar timeline. Thank you for writing, you've helped me. 

 

On 4/29/2022 at 12:05 PM, miomio said:

I got a diagnosis of ME in 2019, but I know it's not what I have.

 

Just wanted to say the exact same thing happened to me. My doctor diagnosed me with ME. I know that I don't have ME, I've got PAWS. But PAWS doesn't exist in my GP's world. For a while I thought it might be possible to borrow the ME diagnosis to get disability or some other assistance (might as well be pragmatic about it), but the ME label just got me a referral to a "functional disorder" clinic -- with a 2-year long waitlist -- and it's run by a psychiatrist! They lump ME in with CFS, fibromyalgia, health anxiety, and although they use the terms "functional disorder", in practice they approach these diagnoses as "psychosomatic disorders", meaning that the recommended treatments are all ultimately psychiatric. 

I wonder if it's the same in your country... ?

 

Anyway, thank you for sharing. I'm glad it's slowly getting better, even though you're still dealing with symptoms and getting waves. Do you ever get windows? 

 

Best wishes for continued healing, 

A.

 

 

[miomio]

On 7/23/2021 at 8:13 AM, Marta said:

@miomio after 13 months. I was doing ok. Then suddenly I lost all. It's crazy after so much time.

 

It's like a time bomb with this molecules

How are u doing? 

[miomio]

Well, it's a while since I wrote something, so, I will do a little update!

Its been 4.5 years since i my last dose. I had some healing I felt, but my current situation is bad. It feels like everything is coming back in the last weeks.

There is a lot going on in my life and the worsening now isn't what I need exactly.

Some of the symptoms that haunt me right now are Depression/apathy,pain on top of my head and pressure on both sides, muscle tension occasionally which leads to trembling known from anxiety,weird symptoms like my surroundings are strange to me (Derealisation?) brain fog, memory loss and, of course cognitive decline (problem solving issues) feels like dementia and heavy need for sleep.

I also get this dark feeling about not being able to manage that any more.

I feel like crying but just cant.

Sorry for the bad news I bring you fellow sufferers.

[arbor]

Dear @miomio  I appreciate your update.  It means a lot to know that we're not in this hell alone.  I imagine your system is tired at 4.5 years off.  I know mine is.  But that doesn't mean that healing isn't still happening and that at some point you will have moved passed it.  I celebrate that day in advance.  It's so hard to hang tight, waiting for the body to catch up.   I have faith that with time you will recover.  These radical setbacks, even after progressing for some time, seem common from what I've read.  Yet still you are on the right path.  I send you warm wishes, miomio,

Arbor

[miomio]

Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate it.

It's hard to fight that battle, especially when people around us don't understand what we are going through,because we "look fine".

I hope you are doing well.

[arbor]

I know what you mean--my doctors haven't a clue, and they don't mind me not coming in.  Their status depends so much on these medications.  They're like the curtain around the Wizard of Oz too much of the time.  They're certainly not looking for an anti-addiction-to-status drug.

The moments of rejoicing in feeling better are increasing for me.  I want that for all of us.  It's so hard to think of anyone in the wretchedness of W/d--

Arbor💜

[miomio]

Well, it's a while I wrote something,. I usually do that when it's very hard to cope. 

I could post it in the apathy forum but do it here. 

I am in a mature anhedonia wave, totally unexpected. 6 months ago i startet in my "old profession" again, try to work 3 days 7,5 hours,because i felt i declined in my skills. There have been a lot up and downs since, but everything manageable. Even the fact the job is more stressful. I also have trained since January regularly. But on Monday i was excited about going to work and actually felt Great. But after 2 hours or so i got a mature fallback i felt suddenly burning in my face, dizziness, heavy. Leggs weakness compared with the feeling of throwing and have no nerve left. I just pushed through it and told nobody. But i realised it felt like my self was gone all my Feelings and i got that feeling in my front lobe back... Like cold or burning and i had pain on top of my head. Now it lasted the whole week, I woke up with headaches and flulike symptoms and are lagging all Feelings, i feel like a robot on a logical mynd. Greatings Mirko