miomio: introduction

[miomio]

Hello, Everyone iam new to this forum i thougt it would be a good idea to introduce my selv. Iam actually from Germany but live in Norway.

I had Panicattacks for years which lead to Antidepressants for a duration of 9 mabe 10 years or so. I have been off meds for almost 2 years now but have a really hard time.

Sorry for my bad English i try as god as i can and what my Brain at times is capable of.

Edited February 17, 2020 by manymoretodays
added name to title

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, miomio.  I'm sorry you're feeling bad.  Please tell us, what are your symptoms?

 

Protracted (very long) withdrawal from these drugs is common.  You are not alone.   Your English is fine.

 

So that you have a better idea of what you're experiencing, here is some information about withdrawal and protracted withdrawal.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

Protracted Withdrawal or PAWS (post-acute withdrawal ...

This link explains very well the healing process.

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

We strongly encourage the use of non-drug techniques to cope with withdrawal.  Take a look at the  links in the following link and see which you think might be helpful to you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium (glycinate is a good form) and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

[miomio]

Thanks for your words and information.

I have a lot of symptoms but the most common at the time are weakness, dizzines, memory issues, concentration issues i feel often there is to much sensory input, trouble with my gastric system tremor and from time to another palpations.

I Even have depressive episodes Who appear from one minute to another, i never had depression before i startet ADs.

[Gridley]

41 minutes ago, miomio said:

Even have depressive episodes Who appear from one minute to another, i never had depression before i startet AD

Depression is a common withdrawal symptom. It is created by the withdrawal from the drug.  It is not "you" or some problem or deficiency in you or in your brain.  It is the effect of the drug.  

 

The other symptoms you describe are also typical withdrawal symptoms.  They, too, are not "you." They are the effects of the drug.

 

You will heal.  It will take some time but you will heal.

[miomio]

10 hours ago, Gridley said:

You will heal.  It will take some time but you will heal.

 Thanks i really hope so.

 

[miomio]

Strange that so many good people hve been ***** up by these Drugs.

[miomio]

Titled:  22 months off escitalopram still suck

 

Well in to months i have been off escitalopram for 2 years but have still a lot going on. Mainly... hard mood changes like wanting to jump of a bridge from one moment to another....vertigofeeling/dizzines sometimes tremor.... fatigue all the time..... strange feelings in forehead like cold warm ... Confusion.... I Wonder if have a braindamage? This have worsen or changed a bit the last 4 weeks there is a lot going on inside me. Another thing what i have problems with is that feeling of carelesness from ADs still persist, its like i dont care about stuff and cant feel happy. Anyone Who had this and got much bretter over 2 years? 

Edited March 21, 2020 by manymoretodays
moved from S and S care, title added

[manymoretodays]

Hi miomio, @miomio

merged your topic in S and S care forum, back here.

I thought you might get a better response right here, as this is your Introduction page, kind of like your own Home page here.

It's not that unusual to have some symptoms, even two years off.  What may have happened is that you hit a Wave.  More about that below in the link.

 

Have you had any windows?

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

You might also find some comfort in this too:

^ talks about some of the patterns observed at certain month intervals after hitting zero, or coming completely off your medication(s)  18 months is mentioned, but this can vary too.  For example, I had a Wave, just shy of 3 years off all of my medications.  And I was on many.  So......hoping your current Wave passes soon.  Mine lasted a couple of months, but was manageable.

 

More about the symptoms you describe below too, links.  A lot of us get similar symptoms.

neuroemotions

 

Apathy, anhedonia, emotional anesthesia

 

Dizziness, vertigo, light-headedness, rocking, or swaying sensations

 

Okay.  Best.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited March 21, 2020 by manymoretodays
added anhedonia link

[miomio]

Hallo,

Thanks for your post.

I think i had some Windows but not really good ones.

I had never problems with sleep only oversleeping and a shift in my circadian rythm. I am awake at night.

The last Months i was Dreamless but suddely i startet Dreaming a lot and very intense.

Today i have a really bad day when i woke up it felt like i had a stroke. Cant fokus, think clear and are very Agressive i have pain behind my eyes  headaches and tremor, and it feels like iam going crazy

I also feel i have mini Waves some days whe i feel Horrible i got sometimes good feeling moment last a minute or so.

[Cocopuffz17]

33 minutes ago, miomio said:

Hallo,

Thanks for your post.

I think i had some Windows but not really good ones.

I had never problems with sleep only oversleeping and a shift in my circadian rythm. I am awake at night.

The last Months i was Dreamless but suddely i startet Dreaming a lot and very intense.

Today i have a really bad day when i woke up it felt like i had a stroke. Cant fokus, think clear and are very Agressive i have pain behind my eyes  headaches and tremor, and it feels like iam going crazy

I also feel i have mini Waves some days whe i feel Horrible i got sometimes good feeling moment last a minute or so.

 

Hey, WD is challenging. Definitely the hardest thing I have ever gone through. What was your drug history and how did you taper? 

[miomio]

Well,

compared with some other users i havent had that many Medications, but sideeffects from day one!

I got Venlafaxine around  2007-2008 i was on it for around 4,5-5 years whit some trys to get off, because of a lot sideeffects. I didnt know nothing about Taperin, Withdrawal or Adverse reactions. Everytime i got new Symptoms i have been told to higher the Dose. But After 4 years my doc told me if you want taper,2 weeks and you are done whit it .

I did so and got right to Hell, They told me now it was depression  after  ca .6 months i was Hospitalized (now i know it was whitdrawal) for Depression and they started me on Escitalopram and i improved immediately. Now i was on Escitalopram for the next 5 -6 years.

over time i felt they loss their effect and igot again more and more Symptoms, again i have been told to higher the dose but instead i tapered off over just one Month. 2 weeks i felt Great but then Hell startet.

I got prescribed Sobril and Zopiclone but due to my Anxiety i Never touched them, I didnt know how Smart that was before now !

 .

[miomio]

I have a Question about some things. I didn't find on the Symptom site.
I have, of course, good days and bad days but some of these bad days are extraordinary and are scaring me really.

Some Days, i wake up and feel instant Bad i can almost feel it before i wake up,its like massive Depression but i am not really sure,because it feels like i am another Person combined with no interests, head pressure,and Headaches vertigo/unsteady and a feeling like loosing the world.

What bothers me most is this feeling of being not from this world and Head pressure.
It gives me a feeling of wanting to shoot my head of.

Well, I am to years off and still getting told its relapse, the problem is you cant Relapse to issues you never had to start with.

I start to be really sure i have Brain damage, and it will not be better, I am not even afraid of Dying because of what i feel.
I had a good day yesterday, but today is that horrible, i struggle to manage.

 

 

[Altostrata]

Hello, miomio. I moved your post here.

 

I believe you are describing the symptom known as derealization or depersonalization. We do not call this relapse, we call it a symptom of post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS).

 

How have your symptoms changed over the last year? To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

[miomio]

On 4/11/2020 at 12:16 AM, Altostrata said:

Hello, miomio. I moved your post here.

 

I believe you are describing the symptom known as derealization or depersonalization. We do not call this relapse, we call it a symptom of post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS).

Hi Alto,

Ithink i figured it out i Feel depressed today, ihad this same Felling yesterday it was like "Something" takes over my Brain i coldn,t Think or concentrate  anymore whit a feeling of dizzines. I woke up and knew something changed.

I never had a diagnosis of Depression to start with and thing still feel different, i think Paws might follow Depression ?

On 4/11/2020 at 12:16 AM, Altostrata said:

How have your symptoms changed over the last year? To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

I actually struggled a lot with symptoms but i had ok days but since February things startet to get worse very Rapidly.

[miomio]

Whitdrawal or Adjustment

 

Well, i am to years off now and i actually couldn't see the line between whitdrawal and or Adjustment of the Brain and I feel the terms aren't that clear.

 

I ask because I had horrible problems when I got off, they have been a bit better in some Periods of the first Year but I actually felt sick most of the time and still do,I got worse the last months.

Just to be clear,i have been treaded for Anxiety,right after Medication start for Panic disorder after 4 years on Meds with dysthymia. Now I have no Anxiety at all but my Brain goes crazy.

 

The Question is this still withdrawal (The is gone long time Ago ?), Is this  Brain damage or Adjustment which can last years if i gonna make it ?!

 

Edited January 10, 2022 by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic

[Altostrata]

PAWS follows going off antidepressants too fast and getting withdrawal symptoms. If you got withdrawal symptoms after you quit escilatopram, you now have post-acute withdrawal syndrome or PAWS. This can last some years.

 

What kinds of symptoms did you have in the month after you went off escilatopram in May 2018? How have they changed in the last year? What are your current symptoms?

[miomio]

i felt crap a long time now. But i remember the first 2 weeks after i stopped i had suddenly a lot of energy and felt Great then hell startet symptoms: palpations, racing heart, massive panic attacs, tension in muscles, aches, try burning eyes, try skin, obsessive thoughts, derealisation, dizzyness, stroke like episodes (weak in one arm or leg) all kind of visual issues head pressure, headaches, feeling og going crazy, agression, tremor, fatique i had moments ifelt i change in size, trouble breathing, .Some of it got better and some changed. I stopped in Mai 18 and tryed to reinstate in August 18 do to the struggle but this was Even worse, after 4 days i had to stop and whitout since.

Iam sure i forgot to mention things. I will write a better and more detailed post but now i suck to much.

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, miomio said:

But i remember the first 2 weeks after i stopped i had suddenly a lot of energy and felt Great then hell startet symptoms: palpations, racing heart, massive panic attacs, tension in muscles, aches, try burning eyes, try skin, obsessive thoughts, derealisation, dizzyness, stroke like episodes (weak in one arm or leg) all kind of visual issues head pressure, headaches, feeling og going crazy, agression, tremor, fatique i had moments ifelt i change in size, trouble breathing, .Some of it got better and some changed.

 

This sounds very much like acute withdrawal syndrome.

 

Please describe your current symptoms. Are you taking any drugs?

[miomio]

just a update. my situation is worsening 2 years after ssri. my sexuallity is decreasing i dont feel pleasure and my emotions in general are fading away, which again causes tension in my relationship. I actually consider to leave my family so they can proceed with there lives.I really thought i could recover, but it goes the other way.

[Altostrata]

On 4/13/2020 at 8:11 PM, Altostrata said:

 

This sounds very much like acute withdrawal syndrome.

 

Please describe your current symptoms. Are you taking any drugs?

 

miomio, I'm sorry you're feeling worse. We need to know more about your symptoms. We might have been able to help you in April if you had answered these questions.

[miomio]

I dont take any drugs havent since 2 years.I have some ok days but got hit so hard afterwards.

[Altostrata]

Please explain more about your symptoms. What are they? What times of day do they occur?

[miomio]

really a lot of weird symptoms, i dont really feel there is a pattern to  time of the day. pain on the lower back of the head, confusion, blurry vision, dry eyes, burning sensation in my feeds and under the skin of my head, changing mood,feeling realy Sick, fatigue,headaches, pressure in the  head, arrhithmyas and sensory trouble. i can have som better days but i feel it getting worse or am i just less able to handle that anymore?! as mentioned i dont do any meds not even aspirin when i have headaches.I only drink magnesium citrate but not everyday.

[Altostrata]

How have your symptoms changed in the last 6 months? What is your sleep schedule? Do you drink caffeine or alcohol?

[miomio]

my sleep changed a litle bit i wake up earlyer than the last years, the meds changed my circadian rythm a long time ago so iam always awake to middle of the night and sleep long {urge to oversleep} i tried to change that many times but this puts me instant in a wave.i got benzos from my doc. to change my sleep pattern but never used them. I feel more energetic but in a unpleasant way. some nights i cant really sleep, beacause of that. since February the waves felt harder but the last days i feel a little bit improvement on my memory. yes i drink coffee in the morning and i react to that but its the only little thing left i "enjoy". no alcohol at all, i feel really sick when i drink even only little bit.so i had 1 beer in the last 2 years.its really hard to answer because i live from day to day the memory issue makes me hardly rember the last week and what i rember feels like a long time ago.

[Altostrata]

How much do you sleep? If you sleep poorly, you may wish to gradually replace your caffeine with decaffeinated drinks. Caffeine can disturb your sleep.

 

What is your sleep schedule? What time do you go to bed and what time do you get up?

 

Has your symptom pattern gotten better or worse overall in the last 6 months?

 

Please answer questions from the staff as completely as you can so we don't have to ask them over and over. We need the information.

[miomio]

can 1 cup of coffe in the Morning  disturb my sleep? But to change to coffe without coffein will not be that hard.

i go to bed around 2 at night and sleep to 11 or 12.

the last question is hard  to answer but i would say there have been some new symptoms but in general pretty stable, they hit harder i would say and cause longer struggle (like confusion can last all day instead of some hours).

[ChessieCat]

Do you take Vitamin D or B vitamins?

 

Cola drinks and chocolate also contain caffeine.

 

Edited July 5, 2020 by ChessieCat

[miomio]

7 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Do you take Vitamin D or B vitamins?

 

Cola drinks and chocolate also contain caffeine.

 

Sometimes (mabe once in a month) i take D vitamin or B vitamin but i dont follow any schedule its more Random.

i dont drink cola or any other, only water or a bit Juice.

i have from time to time cravings and eat chocolate, i wasnt aware that chocolate has coffeine in it.

 

[miomio]

12 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Please explain more about your symptoms. What are they? What times of day do they occur?

I forgot to mention one Symptom which is mostly present but doesn't bother me at all. tingle in my forehead i have that very often,it has something to do with ongoing symptoms like a slide dizziness and vision issues I feel.

[ChessieCat]

29 minutes ago, miomio said:

Sometimes (mabe once in a month) i take D vitamin or B vitamin but i dont follow any schedule its more Random.

 

Vitamin D is best taken in the morning.  Even then it might keep some people awake at night.  Some B vitamins can be activating, especially Vitamin B6.

 

31 minutes ago, miomio said:

i wasnt aware that chocolate has coffeine in it.

 

Dark chocolate has more caffeine than milk chocolate.  Apparently white chocolate doesn't contain caffeine, but it doesn't taste like chocolate either ☺️

[Altostrata]

The effect of caffeine lasts a very long time, coffee you drink in the morning can keep you awake at night.

 

If you feel you sleep poorly, you might gradually replace caffeinated coffee with decaffeinated.

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

[miomio]

I am in a hard wave again after i got off 2018 thats so Mindblowing !

Yesterday i felt like dying and Today i struggle to think clear and are off balance, like on a Boat with a damaged Brain !

After eternity i start believing this never Stops !

 

[miomio]

Sleep has always been good since i quit the drugs but it changed the last days after got a feeling of really going crazy. something happened in my Brain an it didn't feel good,the worst i still remains.

I called my doctor to take some test but instead got explained what that costs for society. I feel angry and lost.

I got  head pressure and dizziness compared with issues to focus and an Alien feeling.

My sleep suddenly changed, feels like there is no Deep sleep and i wake up all the time many times and don't feel good during Daytime.

 

 

[miomio]

Could need some advise!

I am in deep water.A week ago i suddenly startet to feel bad, like my whole system was out of control an then i got heatpresure tremor and a burning face. Since then i feel i get more and more Psychological issues like loosing control, an intrusiv thoughts about political stuff and going mad. this again feels like iam distancing from reality and iam not able to switch my thoughts in a positive direction. all this persists in combination with wandering sensations in my head,burning areas in my face some tremor and of course all the cognitiv stuff  like memory issues...... 

Iam to years off now but feel a bit desperat here, i started to consider to try some other ssri but i have to things in mind. The first is will i throw away these 2 brutal years and the other will i make things worse. 

I am really afraid, especially after i got an adverse reaction while reinstate 2 years ago.

I really feel stuck. 

Sorry for the bad English. 

[miomio]

When will this end? I feel so bad! I feel i stopped improving and it goes the other way around.

I had a kind of hypersexuality the first year in withdrawal which now rapidly decreases. Orgasms are not good anymore, i feel no need for sex, my memory doesn't improve, my sleep gets worse again, and i have no connection to my feelings but i have an urge to feel. My face burns or feels cold all the time,i freeze,my skin flakes and i dry,indigestion issues.

 

I mean cmon its 2 years since I tried to reinstate for 3 Horrible days after i stopped in May 2018.

What can i expect?

I feel so close to go on another ssri but my story and how i feel make afraid to actually do that.

but I feel afraid  to be like that.