SufferingCelexa: Intro

[SufferingCelexa]

I am 20 years old and just tapered off Celexa 4 weeks ago.  I can't remember exactly but I think I started it my sophomore year of high school.  I've always been healthy and active in sports but that year were some major life changes and I was suffering depression.  I asked my mom to see a doctor.  I really wanted medication because I thought it would help.  On my first visit to the psychiatrist he said I had major depressive disorder and prescribed my first antidepressant.  I don't remember what I started with but I was taking 40 mgs of Celexa when I quit.  I thought it helped the first year but I struggled through my freshman year of college.  Then my sophomore year everything went downhill.  I just couldn't do it anymore.  I quit my job and dropped out of school.  I was having suicidal thoughts and feeling destructive.  I smoked marijuana all the time and didn't want to do anything else.  I didn't drink alcohol because I'm under 21 but also afraid it would cause a bad reaction with the medicine.  When I'm alone I have no motivation to eat or feed myself.  I didn't socialize much at all in college not even with my roommates. 

 

My mom insisted that the antidepressant wasn't helping me and was making everything worse.  I finally agreed to come home and taper off last Christmas.  The psychiatrist said I should reduce 1/4 each week so 30 mg to 20 mg to 10 mg the last week.  The doctor at Kaiser said the withdrawals should only last 2 weeks.  It's 4 weeks now and I feel terrible.  When I talked to the doctor he said I am relapsing into depression and that I should try to find a medication that works for me.  He gave me a prescription for Wellbutrin but now I'm terrified to take it.  I don't want to go through this again.  I know now from this site that I should have done a slower taper.  I am thinking about reinstating but that scares me too but I think I could do it if that's the only choice to get out of this anxiety.  I don't have the suicidal thoughts as much anymore.  I just want to get better.

 

 I am taking CBD gummies to help with the withdrawals.  I feel so weak, hopeless and worry I won't be able to have a normal life again and consistent mentally.  I get triggered all the time and embarrass myself in public so I just don't like to be around other people.  It's hard being out and seeing all the happy normal people.  I just want to sleep all day.  I've been pushing myself to go out for a walk or go to the gym because it's close by but only for 20 minutes.