dadtobe: Klonopin, escitalopram, alcohol, Novocaine - need advice

[dadtobe]

Hey Shep and everyone else. 

 

I completely understand your position.  It takes significant courage to follow an online forum over a doctor's advice and unfortunately the only way you learn is to follow the wrong advice only to fail and learn from your mistakes. These drugs don't allow for easy experimentation.  After I stabilized I was completely on the SA train. However it was suggested to me that I needed mental support, so as soon as I got a window, I flew from where I lived to a place that can provide that so I would be prepared for my next wave. No US doctors or therapists I could find will treat someone out of state because they cannot legally do so.  Where I live there was no mental support available to me (they don't speak English and I'm an English only speaker). This place is helping me cope with the waves and learn how to control my anxiety. It is expensive but in my opinion well worth it for the amount of people I get to talk to on a daily basis. But yes, I allowed the doctor to drop me down on Lexapro much more quickly than you all suggested. However, the doctor would have gone as slow or as fast as I wanted them to, and I let them suggest the speed. So that's still on me.  Not to defend other "wellness" centers but I'm using this as a support system more so than a taper plan so I don't want you to think I checked myself into a 2 weeks fast rehab detox, this is going to be at least 2+ months for me and is outpatient. That being said, I've made a large donation (well I felt it was large) in the past to this site specifically because of the help you gave me Shep, but I don't want to let you know which one because I'd prefer it to be anonymous and I'm not trying to pay for your help but to support this site and the many others you do help. My donation was honestly not nearly enough as to what you all deserve for the time you put into helping people like me. I truly value your time which is why I stepped back and stopped posting while I tried to handle this on my own so I didn't waste your time. Needless to say, thanks for the advice. I'm going to follow it from here on out and my next post will be hopefully be my success story.

[ChessieCat]

5 hours ago, dadtobe said:

My donation was honestly not nearly enough as to what you all deserve for the time you put into helping people like me.

 

We don't get a cent of any donations.  And neither does Altostrata, the site's owner.  We are all volunteers.

[ChessieCat]

5 hours ago, dadtobe said:

It takes significant courage to follow an online forum

 

I suggest that you listen to Altostrata's recent interview

 

INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder   

[dadtobe]

16 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

We don't get a cent of any donations.  And neither does Altostrata, the site's owner.  We are all volunteers.

 

Unfortunately I didn't realize that when I donated. Let me know how I can support you guys directly and I'm totally happy to do that.

[dadtobe]

16 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

I suggest that you listen to Altostrata's recent interview

 

INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder   

 

Listened to the interview, at least Alostrata didn't trust the internet at first either so I'm not alone. Very good interview. Thanks for this.

[Shep]

45 minutes ago, dadtobe said:

Let me know how I can support you guys directly and I'm totally happy to do that.

 

Do your research and learn about a proper taper. That way you won't be so susceptible to taking bad advice. And when you're feeling up to it, you may want to provide supportive words to others on the forum who are also going through this. This really helps the moderators, who are already dealing with taper questions and aren't able to handle all of the handholding that so many people need. 

 

These are two of the best ways of helping out. Not only will this help you learn what is best for your own taper, by providing supportive words to others, you're less likely to develop learned helplessness. Eventually, you'll set up an online support network and develop some friendships via the PM system to help with the isolation. 

 

You don't need to travel miles and spend lots of money. A lot of what you need is right here on your computer or smartphone. 

[dadtobe]

Thanks for this. I will definitely try and provide other's support when I'm ready. 

 

Edited November 20, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[ChessieCat]

8 hours ago, dadtobe said:

at least Alostrata didn't trust the internet at first either so I'm not alone.

 

I was the same when I first arrived.  Now that Alto's interview is available I've been directing new members to it so they can have a better understanding of SA and how the information we provide came about.  When I first joined it was after two weeks of my brain feeling like it was full of mud (I'd dropped from 100mg Pristiq to 50mg).  After relating my story it was suggested that I updose, but I wanted to find out more.  I spent the next few days trying to read a lot of things so that I could make an informed decision.  Then a few days after joining I couldn't type, and I'm a professional typist so I had a benchmark.  I followed SA's suggestion and after only about 4 hours I was able to type again and my head was clearing.

[dadtobe]

Some updates. Since October I've been slowly tapering down. I'm currently on .67mg of Lexapro for the last 30 days. I started a wave about 30 days ago after my last cut and every day since has been a constant battle. My primary issues are very intense burning sensations and insomnia, I feel basically electricity going through my body and on the bad days my body wakes me up immediately as I fall asleep. I finally realized that my waves generally get triggered by a stressor, and then if I get a couple more stressors the whole thing compounds and things get really bad. I own a business that is dying, I'm dealing with IRS audit, and now my wife is depressed because she's been having to take care of me for the last 8 months when this began. 

 

Prior to the 30 day wave, I had a roughly 30 day window. I wasn't 100% but everything was manageable. This new 30 day wave on top of the endless stressors that keep coming my way make me want to go back on the AD.  After all this work I've put in since October suffering. I'm starting to think I might just have to go back up or move to another anti-depressant that hopefully doesn't have this burning side-effect and take it for 6 months until I can clear out the stressors in my life to taper. Unfortunately on top of this, I know there is no way I can go up without a Benzo as it was hell going on Lexapro and I've already burned my benzo card taking klonopin for 3 months, and then taking a 1 month break, and taking Klonopin for another month. I just don't think I can risk kindling. 

 

Not really sure what I'm looking for here, seems like there is no good answer. Just felt like I needed to post. 

[Mia1]

Dadtobe,

I’m truly sorry you are still experiencing symptoms of withdrawal. How much are you sleeping in a typical week with no stressors vs stressors? Does physical activity have any positive impact on the burning sensations? 

Stressors are definitely going to intensify withdrawal symptoms. Going back on medication is such a personal decision but there are non drug ways to cope. There will always be stressors in life because that is life. You have a unique opportunity to learn how to manage stressors on your own. I do not say this lightly, I’m a year in on my second drug. I have done extensive work on my own and found a couple things that really work. I know they can help you as well.

The first and most important thing is meditation. Having a DAILY meditation practice, even 20 minutes a day will decrease anxiety, make you more aware of how your thoughts are effecting your mood/feelings and give you insight into coping skills that will work for you. It doesn’t happen right away but like anything worthwhile doing this consistently and making it a positive habit will change your life if you choose to do it.

The  second thing that has helped me tremendously is TOTAL acceptance. This requires courage and trust that everything will work out, that ultimately no matter what is happening you will be okay. It seemed so counterintuitive to me at first but when I started practicing true acceptance my symptoms lessened and my life became joyful again regardless of how I felt or how much sleep I got. I practice this everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. I do it with my symptoms and thoughts. I release them to God/source/the universe, whatever you feel comfortable calling it. But you have to really mean this on a feeling level or it won’t work. 

The third thing that has helped is eating healthy (no sugar, caffeine, dairy) and exercise. If I don’t sleep well instead of going to the gym  I’ll do an hour of stretch yoga on the floor. Movement is important to our bodies and our minds. Yoga can be so beneficial to helping with sleep.

Lastly everyday I work on personal development. I read books and watch videos on any possible subject that I feel can help me. Usually one area of learning goes into the next and so on. Find what you want to get good at, such as coping with stress and do exhaustive research on it. Practice it. Don’t learn anything else until you’ve mastered it. 

I have seen this experience as deeply meaningful on a spiritual level  and feel grateful it has happened. Because I truly believe it I no longer suffer. This is not unique to me, many people have done this and so can you. 

Take a deep breath, no matter what you choose to do please do remember you are okay and everything will work out. I’m rooting for you!!

[dadtobe]

Hey Mia,

 

Good to hear from you. I definitely have some routines, although once the switch I call it, is turned on, it's pretty hard to focus on anything and routines are no longer helpful. I agree acceptance is key. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that this could be a permanent issue I have to deal with. My burning has improved immensely from when I first got it, but annoyingly it's reared its head up 3 months after it was bad. And it's usually at the most inopportune times, like when I actually need to work. 

 

Physical activity doesn't seem to impact anything. In fact, I went for a run last night, and then didn't end up sleeping last night. I think it could help if I'm not already in a hyper aroused state but once the switch is on, I think for me it's best to not do anything that could add anything. Basically I try to be as relaxed as possible. 

 

Thanks for the advice!

[saimshah]

helo bud, how are you today ? my burning was lowered but again started today Do not know what exactly i should do .. very tense . 

[dadtobe]

@saimshah

 

Having a rough day of it. Only 2 hours of sleep tonight, only 3 last night. Burning is pretty intense. 

 

@AltostrataIt's been awhile. Hopefully you can give some quick advice.  I've been off benzos for 3 months. I was on .969mg of Lexapro from Dec 18th to Jan 10th with little to no issues, some bad days but controllable. I dropped Jan 10th to Jan 31st to .67mg faster than 10% a month I know). I started having issues and have been holding for over a month. However I've been in a wave that seems to be getting progressively worse. I have a ton of stressors right now in my life.  I think I need to do what I can to alleviate symptoms, handle the stressors and then continue my taper. If I were to up dose or even go back to an effective dose of Lexapro what would you recommend? Right now I'm thinking to go back to 1mg, or even 2.5mg and switching to liquid Lexapro do you see any possible benefit? Currently I've been grinding and weighing pills for my dosages which has me concerned I'm actually not taking consistent doses since I could be grabbing filler when I make one pill and more Lexapro when I'm making another which I feel like might be destabilizing me.

 

It's kind of getting to that point where I'm looking at Clonazepam to get relief from all this. 

[Mia1]

How are you doing? Where are you now with your medication?

[dadtobe]

So I had a chance to talk w/ Dr. Shipko. He told me I had SSRI induced akathisia and to immediately stop the Lexapro. I was on a tiny amount anyway so I stopped and sure enough I started to feel better. I basically went into a week long window after a month and a half long wave when I did that. I'm not great today because unfortunately I had a stressor that put me back into a wave on Friday (although it doesn't feel as bad as the previous waves so far, I'm still sleeping a little bit (knock on wood)) but I can lay down and the burning isn't as intense anymore. I'm not 100% sure if Shipko is right of course, but we reviewed my timeline and history and everything together.  What's funny is, after all this 10 months of torture, I may have had an adverse reaction to Lexapro this whole time and I was sitting here tapering it slowly and basically torturing myself in the process. I don't want to jump to conclusions though since I've had a lot of those in this whole ordeal. We'll see when I'm posting a success story what I attribute everything to. 

[ChessieCat]

Please update your drug signature.

 

I suggest that you keep daily symptom notes for yourself and if you want to you can rate them.

[dadtobe]

Hey Chessie,

 

I keep daily notes. I don't think I'm going to get anymore advice from anyone here haha, so I've given up providing lots of updates.  I'll post here when I'm finally feeling better. But you all have helped a ton  

[Mia1]

I’m happy to hear you’re off the Lexapro and feeling better. Looking forward to reading your success story!!

[dadtobe]

Not a fun update. 

 

I've been off Lexapro now for 35 days after being advised it might be causing akathisia. As of the last 10 days or so, I've been sleeping 4 to 5 hours a night with weird dreams every night. I have this burning / itchy skin 24/7 on my legs, arms, back, neck, and torso. It feels like I'm breathing fire now. My arms are also very weak and I'm pacing my house. I still can't figure out what's wrong with me nor has any doctor I've talked to heard of this. This last wave has been 1 1/2 month wave, 2 week sort of window, and now 10 days back in a wave.  Getting to my breaking point again. 

 

[Mia1]

I’m really sorry you continue to experience this. I know I have said this before but anxiety and stress can cause these symptoms on their own and then of course be exaggerated during W/D. This is what I found with a quick Google search:

 

When anxiety kicks in, your body's stress response can go into overdrive. This can affect your nervous system and cause sensory symptoms like burning or itching of the skin, with or without visible signs. You can experience this sensation anywhere on your skin, including your arms, legs, face, and scalp.

 

What are your coping methods for anxiety and stress? I think looking at this area will start to give you the relief you are looking for. 

[dadtobe]

Hey Mia,

 

I understand that it's probably related to anxiety in some way. But it's a persistent thing, it's not like I can do a breathing technique and it will go away. It's an all day all the time for multiple days in a row issue. I can't tell what the heck is wrong with me. I read posts about Lexapro withdrawal and it sounds familiar, but most people are like 15 years on in the same state I'm in. 

[Mia1]

I completely understand, I think the point I’m trying to make is that just as stress and anxiety can build to levels that can feel unmanageable so it can be trying to reduce those same levels. It usually takes time, work and acceptance. I have already written pretty detailed coping skills that have worked for me in this thread so I’ll just say that meditation and acceptance have helped me the most to be as comfortable with the feelings and sensations while continuing to live my life. Ultimately you have to work on this to find what methods will best work for you. Once you take your focus off of it while not resisting it you will find it doesn’t matter any longer how long it may last. 

[dadtobe]

I'm like 95% sure it's Akathisia, just based on reading on it a lot and what Dr. Shipko told me. The symptoms sound exactly the same to my issues. I'm a short-term user, I was only above 10mg of Lexapro for 1 month, on 5 or less for 6 months slowly tapering. The burning a result of that I think as well. I think it's all related. It's the endless need to move. It'll come up and hit me for 5+ days straight. Then maybe I get a couple days break, and then another wave. I walk 16,000 steps a day in my house based on my watch. It's pretty crazy when it's bad. 

[Mia1]

How are you feeling?

[Rosetta]

I read your message in the Symptoms forum about akathisia.  I think it’s pretty clear that you have akathisia.  The frustrating thing is that it does not go away just because you stopped taking the drug.  
 

It will slowly lessen over time, but there will be, probably, some waves that are worse here and there.  I know it’s a miserable condition.  Your best best is to stop changing things and let PWS run it’s course.  Every time you take a drug, drink alcohol, have your teeth worked on, etc., you are asking your nervous system to do something it’s not capable of doing — smoothly regulate your neurotransmitter activity.
 

It is particularly difficult for a person with akathisia to stay the course in terms of reinstatement or abstinence. However, once you accept that making changes will prolong this condition, perhaps you will find the will-power to get through.  
 

I don’t advise people about reinstatement.  I leave that to the Mods, but I think if I were you I would not try that again.  The mistakes you have made cannot continue.  I would not want to see you do it the wrong way and make yourself more ill.

 

Akathisia does go away.  It goes away the same way all other symptoms do — because you let your nervous system rest and find a balance.  You couldn’t be patient on any of your doses.  You couldn’t accept the waves and let them pass.  That’s ok.  Not everyone can.  Different people have different stressors in their lives, different tolerance levels for this syndrome.  
 

The problem with that is that your nervous system can’t take much more.  You might go from akathisia that survivable to aka that is not because you took a pill in desperation.  None of us know what your next change will do.  All we know is that each change has the potential to make things worse.  That’s why we need the make as few changes as possible.  You have made enough changes in my opinion.  
 

What I would do now is focus on finding the way for you to power through.  Relaxation and anxiety relief techniques did not work for me during akathisia.  Perhaps they are useful for some people or perhaps the degree of akathisia determines whether those techniques are options.  I suspect the latter.  

So, what to do?  The way to get through is to distract yourself from the akathisia. Having to pace makes it difficult to do anything else.  Listening to a book on tape, walking in a treadmill while watching tv, or walking in nature are options.
 

I am guessing that being a man with a business is quite different from being a woman who does not work at a job, but I had a child — a little child —through aka.  So, I had to “work” quite hard all but about 8-10 hours a day.  I did a pretty poor job sometimes, but I made it.  Aka is rare and mild for me now.  You can see on my signature that I quit all the drugs almost at once and never went back which was a huge mistake, but I survived.  You can, too.

 

The temptation to try to figure out whether the benzo caused aka or the AD did it or Quitting the benzo caused it — this is a very normal response to finding yourself in a big mess.  It is also one of aka’s mental symptoms.  Was it the reinstatement?  The fact is that it does not matter which mistake caused it.   Any or all of those actions could have caused it.  

How could this happen on a low dose?  How could this happen after a short period of use?  It can.  It does.  There is no research on this condition.  It is barely acknowledged by doctors.  It happens for different reasons in each person who is affected by it, but there is no doubt in my mind that it can get worse if the person makes the wrong  changes too close together or the changes are too large (dosage).  Once you have it, you need to be careful.  For you, that might mean that you have to control your impulse to make another change.

 

Find a way that works for you to get through the bouts of aka.  I had to distract.  It was very, very hard.  There were times that nothing helped.  I used to sit on the floor and scream and cry during the worst times.  It scared my husband to death.  It took all my will power to not do that when my daughter was home.  Every bout of it peaked and then lessened.  I came to understand that every episode would resolve.  I had to wait it out.  I had to remember it was temporary.  I had to try to not think about it when I was free of it.  You can do the same.

 

 

[dadtobe]

@Rosetta

 

Thank you for this. How long did your akathisia last? Mine is getting worse and worse. It's so hard now. I'm almost 3 months completely off Lexapro, 6 months off benzos and my sleep is down to 4 hours a night from the 7-8 when I was still on a tiny bit of Lexapro 3 months ago. My skins burns like I'm on fire, I feel electricity through my body constantly, pacing constantly. The fight is getting so hard.

 

Also sorry for replying so long after. I don't know how I missed this message, I guess I felt like everyone on this site had given up on me because I changed my doses early on trying to cope. This is really an unbearable problem. I'm in an Akathisia facebook group and it seems like every other week someone takes their own life. It's really hard to live with this not knowing how long it will last. Just trying to survive this wave right now. 

[dadtobe]

@RosettaSorry just want to say thanks again. You had such a long and thoughtful response. You really read through my history. I even showed it to my wife. It's been really tough. 

[Rosetta]

Dadtobe,

 

The most intense aka is not constant as you may have noticed.  It is very bad part of the day and less terrible at times.  I quit all the drugs in February.  The most intense aka lasted from about September or October to about April or March.  That was about 7 months of outright Hell and about a month on either side traveling on the River Styx. The all-over electrical feeling, feeling terror, wanting to jump off a cliff — if you are off drugs or tapering, there should be hours of terror, not 24 hours at a time, in my experience.  
 

The feeling that one is on edge, cannot relax, jumping at every little thing -  that was pretty constant for me except for in the evenings.  I had a less activated feeling in the evenings.
 

At times, after the 7 months, the terror came back, but only lasted a couple of hours.  I started to feel that I could be alone, could sleep better, and that I wasn’t constantly afraid.  
 

No one knows how long this will last for you.  I quit all the drugs at once.  Even if you and I had taken exactly the same drugs at exactly the same time, our healing periods would not be the same.  Perhaps your aka severity has peaked.  This process is different for everyone.  You can’t look at my story and presume that you will have ultra-severe aka for 7 months (with less severe aka during windows.).  You could be on the backside of the ultimate peak right now, and that’s how you should think to survive.  Think of yourself as being right around the corner from a window, right on the other side of the peak, on your way to freedom at all times.

Even when you have a particularly bad wave that makes it seem as if you are getting worse, you aren’t.  It’s just a bad wave.  The repairs triggered a huge adjustment that your nervous system couldn’t make all at once.  When the wave is over, you will see that a lot of progress has been made.
 

Aka fades so slowly that the lessening is imperceptible, but you have to remember that you will get breaks from the most intense aka during windows.  In my experience, the part that is the most unbearable does not last for years unless something brings it back.  

 

Technically, I had very mild aka to some degree until just recently, within the last month or two, and last night, I had restless legs.  I know the feeling so well now that I can recognize it even in a very mild form.  I’m sure it will come back, but I’m not longer afraid of that.  It’s the degree that matters, of course.  The less severe form came and went for a long time, but each episode got shorter, less intense, and they were further apart.
 

Yes, it might seem to be getting worse for you.  Maybe it is and maybe not.  You will not know when you have the worst wave.  Only months later, after the peak wave, will you be able to see that that the peak wave.  Each wave is going to be like that, too.  Each wave has its own peak.  It gets worse and worse and then lessens.  You have to remember that it will lessen — that you will get over it.  The next wave should be less intense, but you won’t notice that because the difference is so slight.  After a month or two you will look back and see that it’s not as bad as it used to be.
 

That said, there will be some particularly bad waves that are worse than the last.  These are outliers.  Then, the next wave should be much less intense.  Your nervous system is undulating — a repair made in the structure — healing — will precipitate a flood of neurotransmitters that the system can’t handle, and the result will be increased intensity of symptoms.  Also, new symptoms might crop up, too.  Things will settle down slowly until the next repair.

 

You are going to get through this.  It will take determination to not let those ignorant doctors kill you with their incompetence.  You have to get mad about this!  You have to decide you are worth a few months of intense suffering to get through to the rest of your life.  Your wife is worth it; your family is worth it.  Once you start to see improvement, you will be very glad that you hung on.

 

I would not read a facebook group about aka of people who were killing themselves.  Those groups are not moderated.  You need to read about people who believe that all the struggle is worth it.  Aka is TEMPORARY.  It is caused by drugs and prolonged by drugs in doses that are too high.  No doubt a lot of people in that group are taking what their doctors prescribe.  They may be trying new drugs, changing doses, quitting drugs.  
 

Watching people in that group is going to “bring you down” or rev you up, rather, as aka causes — anxiety isn’t the right word — outrageously severe anxiety.  Your emotional health will be negatively impacted by that.  SA’s moderators are very careful to keep people from dwelling on the particularities of SI.  It’s ok to note it in a clinical way on your thread because it is a fact of life that PWS causes SI, but reading about people obsessing over that symptom and in explicit detail is harmful.  You should try to think about other, positive things.  Writing out a daily gratitude list is a good thing to do.  Reminding yourself of all you have to live for is important.
 

So, if you ask me, that is not the right aka group for you.  I would find another one that is moderated.  It is best that the people are not adding new drugs to try to “treat” aka.  If the moderator is unaware that very slow tapering is necessary and adding new drugs is going to make aka worse, you shouldn’t be there.

I see you are on Klonopin, a benzo.  Your signature seems to say you are.  If you quit 6 months ago, you would want to put that in your signature.  These are the types of drugs that doctors try to use to treat aka.  They are benzos, and they are addictive and have to be tapered after a person is hooked.  There is a very serious drawback: sometimes, after a person who is addicted quits a benzo and does not reinstate it quickly enough, or successfully, that person cannot take benzos again even for aka.  It could make the aka worse or cause a paradoxical reaction.  You might be in that catagory?
 

On a site like this that is all volunteer, it is very hard to help someone who hasn’t stopped making changes to their drug regimen.   People with aka are extremely difficult to help amd even more so if they keep making changes.  Doctors keep making changes, and sometimes, they do that without the consent of the patient. 
 

Yes, you understand perfectly.  The Mods do not have enough time or emotional energy to support people who are getting worse because of ill-advised changes AND help other people — new people and taperers.  There are not enough hours in the day, and most of the mods are struggling through their own tapers.  The mods try to help people determine whether they are having adverse reactions, whether their reinstatements are working, and what is going on with their tapers, but the regular members are the people who have to support members who cold turkeyed.  The mods can’t do that.
 

So, I encourage you to continue reading the site, especially the success stories and the symptoms forum.  Support others if and when you can.  They will support you, too.  You might find that support for aka is right here on this site.  I did.

 

I hope you have a window soon.
 

Rosetta

[dadtobe]

@Rosetta Thanks again. You're really a star. Your words of encouragement are super helpful. You're probably right I need to stop reading on Akathisia and maybe drop some facebook groups. I will definitely return the favor and support someone else one of these days. Right now unfortunately I'm pretty useless. 

 

For what it's worth (just so others can learn), I was able to speak to Dr. Healy today. He also confirmed my Akathisia. Burning is pretty rare and usually it's associated with Akathisia. At least that's what I gathered from our conversation.  If you're in doubt about whether you have Aka or need a doctor to convince your doctor that you have Aka I highly recommend getting a consult from him (https://econsult.rxisk.org/) (hopefully I can promote this). I wish I had found this months ago, might have saved me a world of hurt. 

 

 

 

[dadtobe]

9 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I see you are on Klonopin, a benzo.  Your signature seems to say you are.  If you quit 6 months ago, you would want to put that in your signature.  These are the types of drugs that doctors try to use to treat aka.  They are benzos, and they are addictive and have to be tapered after a person is hooked.  There is a very serious drawback: sometimes, after a person who is addicted quits a benzo and does not reinstate it quickly enough, or successfully, that person cannot take benzos again even for aka.  It could make the aka worse or cause a paradoxical reaction.  You might be in that catagory?

 

Apologies, I have not been on a benzo for 6 months. I didn't do my signature well regarding that, fixed it to say 0 Klonopin 12/1.  I don't have any intentions of taking Klonopin again. Can't risk it. 

[Rosetta]

It’s cool that you were able to talk to Dr. Healy.  What did that cost?

[dadtobe]

It's $350 for a consult. Then if you want a report it's a little more. https://econsult.rxisk.org/how-does-it-work/#payment . Very cool service. I don't know if it's always Dr. Healy, maybe I was lucky.

[Mia1]

I think you need to ask yourself a really important question: what am I  searching for? I have been with you from the start and I’m going to summarize your journey here as I experienced it. It may help you. 

The moderators were in touch with you on a weekly basis but you continued to change doses and then ended up checking yourself into an inpatient wellness center. You then went to Dr. Shipko when you became nervous about your symptoms. You were taken off the rest of your medication and got the Akathisia diagnosis. 

At this point I encouraged you to accept your symptoms and practice non drug coping skills for your symptoms. If I’m not mistaken Rosetta also suggested something similar. You recently went to Dr. Healy . From what I’m reading he did nothing more than confirm your Akathisia diagnosis.

 At some point you’re going to have to look at your situation and either go back on medication or accept it fully and take steps to heal yourself. No doctor can do this for you. 

I think you’re spending so much time and money trying to buy peace of mind but it’s all within you. Only you can realize this. 

I honestly wish you the best and hope you find what your searching for. 

[dadtobe]

Akathisia is hell, Mia. You have no idea what I'm going through. It's only natural to seek help when you need it. Dr. Shipko told me to take a benzo twice a week for relief. I wanted a 2nd opinion and discovered Dr. Healy. All the other money I ever spent on wellness centers, or other doctors was a waste.  I fed the system that perpetuates this scam. I'm not happy about it, but I'm in a position to afford to do it. I needed to find out what was wrong with me and at the time there was no price I wouldn't pay. Not a single Dr. diagnosed my Akathisia, nor anyone here (not that I blame SA). I literally only learned the word Akathisia this year. If I knew I had this last year I would have done things a lot differently. It's so rare for someone who was literally on Lexapro for 2 months to get Akathisia trying to go off it quickly. I've literally ruined my life, my wife's life, and this has even affected my extended family all for taking Lexapro for a short amount of time. I'm scared Mia, very scared. I hope you can understand that. Money means nothing to me right now. I accept I have this, but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't want to take a giant chunk of Klonopin or re-instate Lexapro to get some relief. Rosetta gave me some great encouragement and I'm going to try and stick to it. I'm 3 months into being off, hopefully I'm just as lucky and at 7 months this hell breaks. But if I go and re-instate, please don't judge me. If you had Akathisia, you would understand how I feel. 

[Mia1]

dadtobe,

My post was not meant to be unkind, perhaps I was too blunt with expressing myself. Believe it or not I have an idea of what you’re going through and never suggested you are not experiencing symptoms or that they’re not scary for you.

I’m just trying to share my experience that if you can truly accept your situation and work on coping skills you can find peace. 

Going back on medication is a personal choice I would never judge. We all ultimately have to do what is best for ourselves. You are going to be okay, you have had many windows along the way, please remember that.

 I’m really sorry if my post upset you, I only want you to feel well.

[Mia1]

How are you feeling?