SeanT- lexapro withdrawals & Dr Nightmares

[SeanT]

Greetings, 

 

I started taking lexapro 10mg mid July 2020. I should have never tried this drug. The reason I was prescribed in the first place was during a dr visit to determine whether a tumor in my armpit was malignant or not, I was visibly anxious during this visit (crazy.. right?) and my dr pushed for me to try a medication. I have a stressful job, and I do stress about certain situations a little more than they deserve but at the end of the day I could always relax, but I thought Id give it a try to take the edge off. Never in my life have I felt depressed or anxious for no reason. Anxiety with physical symptoms is not something I ever experienced outside of flying, my one lifelong phobia.

 

I started on 10mg in July, 3 months later my dr asked how it was going. I said, fine, I don’t notice anything.. he said lets bump you up to 20mg. What he didn’t ask was are you feeling anxiety or depression? The answer would have been, no. But I did as I was told. Shortly after I noticed night twitching and sleep sweats. I have used small amounts of cannabis for years at night and I noticed now it was making me feel twitchy. I reduced the lexapro from 20 to 5 in the span of about 5 weeks. I became irritable, but was doing ok. After stopping on 1/4/21 (I was on 5 mg for 13 days, dr said no need to taper from there) I was hit pretty hard with withdrawals around 1/17. Very emotional, crying, surges of anxiety, depression, tension headaches, pulses pounding all over my body, night sweats, terrible insomnia, all things completely foreign to my 38 years of life. Drs told me it was just my anxiety, nothing to do with lexapro, that the meds are out of my system after 6 days so it cant be lexapro. This is even coming from a dr at the Mayo Clinic. Im feeling better emotionally now, not at baseline yet, but struggling mostly with headaches, insomnia, strong pulses back of my head, back and stomach, and the 4am wake up call with anxiety. I cant use cannabis anymore, makes me more jittery, I haven’t used caffeine in months, keep in mind I was on around 200mg daily for 15 years, never caused any anxiety before. So far Ive had blood labs, EKG test on my heart, seen 3 physicians, 2 nurse practitioners, and a psychiatrist at Mayo, and they all labeled me someone with good old fashioned American GAD and sent me away. Quite the coincidence it hits me at age 38 weeks after stopping lexapro eh?   
 

not sure where to go from here. If I dont get back to baseline soon would a taper of lexapro starting at 5mg be wise? Or am I possibly in the final stages of this stuff and keep going med free?

 

sorry for the long read and thank you in advance 

[Erell]

Hello

 

And welcome on SA. 

 

This site is run entirely by volunteer Administrators and Moderators, all have been through or going through withdrawal.

There are no commercial interests or influences  involved.

 

--》Thank you for your signature, it will help us give you the most accurate advice we can, and allow us to see your history at a glance.

 

And I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Unfortunately, doctors don't seem to realise how powerful these drugs are, and don't recognise withdrawal symptoms.

 

It sounds like you have very common symptoms from a too fast Lexapro taper.
We usually recommend people to do very slow tapers (no more than 10% drops very four weeks).

This might help you understand what is going on : 

 

how-psychiatric-drugs-remodel-your-brain

 

Unfortunately, nobody can predict how long your body needs to stabilise and do his repair work.  I find this thread explain the process very well : 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

 

 

The only way we know to mitigate withdrawal syndrome is reinstatement. However, it has to be done carefully : please read this thread and let us know your thoughts :

about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms

About supplements : we don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA because nobody can predict how a destabilised CNS will react. However, people seem to find that magnesium and omega 3/fish oil can help.

 

If you do try, please try one at a time and at low dose to see how it affects you.

 

Ok, this is a lot of infos for today : take the time to read and please let us know how you're doing.

Again, welcome.

 

[SeanT]

Thank you for for the response and information. I have a big decision to make. 
Im interested in reinstatement but I feel the clock is ticking being off for 7 weeks. However, my only real difficulty is sleeping through the night without waking up anxious. Im “ok” morning-evening.

being on lexapro at such a variety of dosages, 10mg being the most common Im thinking of using that as my marker but after reading the information attached to the links you provided I would either reinstate lexapro or citalopram based on the strength of lexapro. I saw dosage examples for other meds but for lexapro is a 2.5mg dosage or lower recommended based on the 10mg average I was on? I would call my dr and ask for the liquid version if I decide to do so but I do have 5mg tablets which seem hard to accurately half

[brassmonkey]

Hi Sean-- reinstatement is something that shouldn't be taken lightly, which you are not. It is primarily a last ditch effort for people who are having very severe symptoms. At best it is a crapshoot for it to work successfully and as you know the longer one waits the less likely it is to work. From what you describe about having troubled sleep being your only major symptom I don't think reinstatement would be a good idea. If you could keep a daily symptoms journal and post it here, it would be a great help in seeing just what is going on.

[SeanT]

Thanks for the response. I was just looking through your calculator and was surprised by the year mark, since I was only on lexapro just under 6 months, so I know this is a major decision that will take time. 
Im feeling some anxiety today based on the decision and reading scenarios where this lasts over a year. 
during the day Im ok but just sorta “blah”

tension headache comes and goes, I can tolerate.

my appetite has been big

the middle of the night anxiety wakeups can get bad. Tougher and tougher to deal with. 
I dont want to start over what has passed, the breakdowns and crying etc. not sure if that is likely starting back at such a low dose and long taper? I suppose anything is possible 

[getofflex]

SeanT, I agree with what Brass Monkey said. I personally would not reinstate. You've already been off Lexapro for 7 weeks, so a reinstatement could throw your nervous system off, and cause more problems.   It sounds like you are doing very well, if at this point your main symptoms are waking up anxious.  That is a very typical AD (antidepressant) withdrawal symptom.  In m personal experience, keeping things as stable as I can is the best way to heal and recover.  I go by the 3 S's - keep it stable, keep it simple and keep it slow.  As for waking up in the middle of the night with anxiety, what helps me a lot is to listen to relaxing music at a very low volume.  When I'm especially anxious, I just focus my attention on the melody and sounds of the music and it calms me eventually.  

 

Music for Self Care

 

Claire Weekes on Anxiety

[SeanT]

The idea of reinstatement typically comes during those night awakening when I feel really hopeless. 

 

During the day and evening Im not very present minded and I have two young children which has been hard. I force myself to play with them but am usually zoned out going through the motions. I have journaled the last month, it’s been about 3 weeks since my last really bad episode/ panic attack. I am a little jittery during the day, half the time I have head pressure/ tension headache with seemingly strained vision, craving carbs, noticing body pulses and my mind is almost always on the WD and when I’ll be my old self. Its not the total suffering like before, that last occurred between 3-4 weeks ago. Never really got the brain zaps but I have experienced random body jolts while falling asleep. 
 

Work isn’t easy but Im plugged in at home 40 hours again after a 2 week leave. I am concerned another severe withdrawal is on the horizon or if it’s less likely given the shorter duration I was on the medication. The fact that you all think Im doing well gives me a lot of comfort and drive to push forward but I still worry I could regress or stay stagnant for months or longer with little improvement.  I will be trying headspace tonight for sleep quality.  

 

Thank you all for being there for me and for everyone else here. I wish to pay it forward someday. 

[Crochet]

Hi Sean,

 

I hope you work goes okay and that you get some sleep tonight.  Being in this situation is a shock.

 

Take care,

Crochet

[SeanT]

Thank you, Crochet. I appreciate that. Best wishes to you.

[BooBoo19]

Hello Sean, @SeanTI echo all what you have said, I seem to be able to manage the anxiety through the day but at night I just want to throw the towel in and try in reinstatement but I am trying to hold firm. I am returning to work on Monday after a 5 month absence, on a phased return but fearing that I may not cope, it is only the anxiety for me that is massive and insomnia.  I have jitteriness all day, similar to when you start the drugs. I had to take 2 diazepam last night and only slept for 3 hours.  I constantly wonder if I will ever be back tommy old self and like you only took lexapro for a short time.  I am beginning to think I do have a problem but actually I was not like this before the medication, yes I had some anxiety but not to this level.  Hang on in there and we will support each other.

[Erell]

18 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

If you could keep a daily symptoms journal and post it here, it would be a great help in seeing just what is going on.

Would you agree to do this ?

It could help us to get a better idea of your current symptoms.

 

Hang on

[SeanT]

Absolutely. Should I post my history and present symptoms now or are you looking for future symptoms moving forward?

[SeanT]

Had a really bad migraine today. Not doing so great after reading about the destabilized central nervous system stuff. I feel like I gave myself permanent brain damage and Im going to have headaches, insomnia and be in an emotional funk the rest of my life. 

[SeanT]

Thinking of getting on prozac because of the long half-life. I cant keep waking up 4 times a night and having a bummed out personally with two kids. I know Im not going through the horrible issues anymore like I did but years but I have to take a risk. I cant go through this for 2-5 years. Its a game of Russian roulette I think i have to play. 

[getofflex]

Sean I would think very carefully about getting on Prozac.  I realize of course, this is your decision to make.  However, your nervous system is still healing and adjusting to getting off of the Lexapro, and putting another drug in your system is likely to confuse and destabilize your nervous system even more than it already is.  The more we go off and on psych drugs, the more sensitive and reactive our nervous systems will become, and the harder it will be to get off them in the future.  We call this kindling.  Did you read the link that Erell posted above about how psych drugs remodel your brain?  

 

If anything, I would think about the possibility of reinstating to a very low dose of Lexapro.  However, as stated above, reinstating is a crap shoot - it may help, may not help, or may even make things worse.  

 

In my own personal experience, and that of many others here, time is the best healer.  That, and using non drug ways of taking care of ourselves.  There is much we can do to help ourselves in the way of diet, exercise, spiritual practices, etc.  I believe that eventually you will heal.  I'm almost 60, and was on antidepressants for 15 years before I tried to get off them.  I'm feeling so much better now than I felt during the worst of my withdrawal.  I know how scary all this is, but I believe that your nervous system is going to heal, and get much better.  It is just a very gradual process, and takes time. Try reading some of the success stories, they give much hope! 

 

It is very easy to feel anxious about what these drugs have done to us, and wonder if we will ever get better.  Here is some more information about anxiety around this issue. 

 

Health Anxiety, Etc.

 

 

[SeanT]

I did read it and it makes sense. Its the reason I turned down prozac last month when offered by another GP, I didn’t want something new, but lexapro scares me because of these effects, however my taper was bad. I did do well on lexapro at 10mg and decent enough on 20mg which made me think of going that route. In your experience, have many in my similar position (8 weeks off the drug, hit hard 2 weeks after stopping for 2-3 weeks, have improved since) taken a nose dive and gotten worse over time? Or do they continue to heal? 
 

Ive also read a lot on reinstatement, and I can’t figure out if I tried 1-2mg for a week, if it doesn’t go well do I just stop, and if so am I at square one? I believe if it does go well I can start the 10% 4 week taper method from there, or stay on the medication really.. Sorry for so many questions but i haven’t seen that scenario mentioned unless I missed it. I have a coworker on 5mg lexapro for 15 years and he’s doing fine. I would trade being drug free which is my goal for his situation if I could.  

[SeanT]

I should say I did see the adverse effects scenario suggests stopping but still am not clear if that would put me to where I was on 1/17 when the withdrawal hit hard 

[getofflex]

SeanT, recovery does not occur in a linear fashion, there are ups and downs.  However, as time goes on, the ups become longer and better, and the downs are less severe.  We call this windows and waves.  Windows are the good times, and waves are the bad times.  Here is a link about that: 

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Recovery

 

I personally do not believe that if you did a very careful small reinstatement, that you would be back at square one.  However, as mentioned previously, reinstatement is risky.   Everyone's system is different, and we don't know how you would respond for sure.  It is usually done if you are having severe, unbearable withdrawal symptoms.  

 

You say you are not feeling as badly as you were in the past.  This indicates that your brain and nervous system are healing. You were on this less than a year, and your pretty young, so you have an excellent chance of healing, and I seriously doubt it would take 2-4 years.  

 

I certainly understand your fear of Lexapro. It is a powerful drug. I was on it for many years, but am about 99% of off it now, and feel much better than I've felt when I first started withdrawal.  If I can do it, you can do it!  

 

Here is a link to a symptom list.  Why not print out this checklist, and each day log your symptoms, and let's see where you are at?  

 

Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklist

 

Take care and hang in there!  It really does get better with time.   

 

 

Edited March 12, 2021 by getofflex
soften wording

[SeanT]

Getofflex, I saw that link before but now that I look closer at the graph showing the waves never reaching the initial lowest point makes me feel a lot better. If that’s indeed the case for my own recovery. I was in a funk yesterday and today thinking about this long journey, I triggered myself, but I feel uplifted at the moment. I may have my GP write a script for the liquid lexapro just to have at home as a safety blanket per say. When I feel I have options on hand I do better mentally. Even if I don’t intend to use it.
Meditation is something Ive been putting off. I struggle with my attention span for such exercises, but I can put it off no more. Headspace app will now be used in full effect.

Im very happy to hear you feel better. You’re a good person and deserve peace. Just like the others above and everyone else in this group. Thank you. 

[getofflex]

@SeanTI'm glad you are feeling better.  🙂.  I myself am using liquid Lexapro.  It's fine to have on hand but I would suggest you be very careful about reinstating it.  Reinstatement is usually only used in desperate cases, and can backfire and make one feel worse.  Time and non drug coping skills are, in my opinion, the best healer for our nervous systems.  Here is a link about that: 

 

Non Drug Coping Skills

 

It sounds like you are doing very well.  You are in my prayers.  Keep up the good work. 

Edited March 12, 2021 by getofflex
correct misspelling, soften wording

[SeanT]

@getofflex Im not doing so good lately, my uplifted moment yesterday was unfortunately short lived. since I started the withdrawal 6 weeks ago I dont think Ive had any good days, just a good run of sorta mindless days followed by tough sleepless nights. The nights are getting worse. Sleep is very difficult and going through this as a parent to a 6 and 3 year old is making this situation unbearable. Maybe Im in a wave. Migraines have taken a toll and now my days are getting worse too. Im afraid I may lose my job. The last thing I want to do is make things worse with reinstatement but if there was a way to make things easier it’s really tempting. Im assuming even if things go well with a small 0.5-1mg reinstatement and taper from there after stabilizing I could experience withdrawal once I start to reduce and eventually discontinue even at such a small starting dose. Thats what scares me. Im curious when those who have tried reinstatement and initially it doesn’t go well, what typically happens after they stop and for what duration? Do they quickly go back to the state they were in before reinstatement? I will post shortly my daily symptoms. Im just trying to be as knowledgeable as possible before making a decision. Im still leaning on not reinstating but really want to be aware as possible. 

[SeanT]

@brassmonkey my daily symptoms yesterday are the as follow: (please let me know if I need to log these in a different manner. Im going off the pdf getofflex kindly sent to me)

3/1/21

-worsened mood. More depressed throughout the day

-trouble concentrating while working from home

-insomnia. This is every night. I wake 1-3 times a night. Last night was tough. I may try to use ambien very sparingly. Ive only taken it once, this stuff scares me

-change in appetite. Less than normal yesterday  

-anxious and nervous

-jittery  

-excessive or intense dreaming. This has been common. Nights feel very long, even while dreaming  

-headache. Dull yesterday but typically tension headache that can morph into migraines. Trying feverfew today 

 

 

 

[SeanT]

I think Im going to try reinstatement today at 0.5 mg. I cant go on anymore the way things are. The exhaustion alone is killing me coupled with the on and off anxiety and depression surges, constant headaches. Im terrified my boys are going to lose their dad so I think I have to do this. I love those boys so much it hurts to even look at them now. I feel like a ghost watching over them. I know to start small, hopefully stay small and stabilize at 0.5 mg for a month. Im still not sure what the risks are aside from what I read on adverse reactions, and I still have no idea what the journey would be like tapering off 0.5mg compared to what Im going through now if reinstatement works at all. Wish me luck.  

[SeanT]

Sorry to post again, I could really use some words of encouragement right now. The past few days have been extremely difficult. Im out of work at the moment and may either apply for disability because FMLA was rejected for some reason or soon may have to leave my job of 11 years. 

[getofflex]

Hello Sean, and I will encourage you.  I know how painful, scary, and difficult this process is, because I've been there.  I'm still going through withdrawal, but it is so much better now than it was in early withdrawal.  I am praying for you.  It sounds like you are in a wave.  I do sympathize.  Did you read the link in a previous post on windows and waves?  

 

Check out the non drug coping skills link I posted in a previous post.  There is lots of good information in there on how to help yourself during this difficult time.  Things that help me during a wave are going outside and taking a walk, listening to relaxing music, reading success stories on here, praying, spiritual reading (I read the Bible), and just working with my hands and keeping busy with a simple task.  All this helps with the fear and overwhelming anxiety.  

 

I have referred your post to the other mods who have more experience than I do with reinstatements.  One of them will get back to you soon.    In the meantime hang in there - it does get better!  It takes time and patience.  

[SeanT]

@getofflex I have read through all of the links, and a lot of it caused more triggers. Even the success stories purely based on timeline. I also feel like I could be in a wave. Based on my initial withdrawal hitting me 1/17 and slowly subsiding early February I feel like I had a decent window of “good enough” days with troubled sleep. Nothing that I would call good, but much better than this. The biggest indicator is I was able to do my job to a degree. I have a desk job as a project manager so sitting in the same place all day analyzing projects strains my brain too much currently. I would love to be drug free. The Sean before lexapro was a pretty happy person. I really miss him. The decision to reinstate is really affecting me in a negative way. Lots of pressure. I just wish I knew what to do. Ive tried many non drug coping measures and they seem to help “ok” at night, mainly headspace meditation and sleep stories. Those practices aren’t helping much now. Im falling asleep earlier recently but still wake in a couple hours. I don’t necessarily wake with anxiety but being wide awake after a couple hours sleep gives me anxiety. The insomnia is really scaring me. The wave chart looks similar to my situation and it looks like each time you are in a wave, it’s your lowest point which gives me comfort, if that’s the case. Sort of like thinking, it will not ever be as bad as right now. Not sure if I am looking at it in the correct manner or if that’s usually the case. Thank you for being there for me so often. 

[Jennings]

Hey Sean, 

 

I am battling Lexapro also and it’s terrible.

 

I took it much longer than you but our stories are a little similar.

 

I have a young son who I love dearly and this is a horrible situation to be in.

 

I am also having trouble working right now and it’s a nightmare and has me really worried.

 

Message me if you need to.

[ChessieCat]

If you wanted to you could start with an even lower dose of 0.25mg.  Keep notes on paper to see how the reinstatement is affecting you.

 

It takes about 4 days for a dose to get to full level in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.  You will need to be patient and try to stay calm so as not to add stress which can cause symptoms/feelings which you might confuse with an adverse reaction.  If you start to feel some improvement within the first week you could hold on that dose and reassess after another week.  If you feel no improvement AND no worsening then you could increase by a small amount more.

 

The idea of reinstating is not to get rid of withdrawal symptoms completely but to bring them to a bearable level.  Compare how you feel with how you felt at your worst, not how you felt at your best.

[SeanT]

@ChessieCat Thank you for the information and suggestion. If I decided to not reinstate, could my timeline being on the medication just under 6 months be a benefit to my recovery? Or is that a toss up? This feels like my first wave since withdrawal, and it sucks, but if it’s possible this is as bad as it will get I could consider moving forward med free. I just feel the need to make a decision asap. Based on the wave graph I would guess Im at the red X and the next wave blue X would be close to where I was during my initial recovery which I can tolerate. I was working for solid month, on troubled sleep. I realize the chart is not an exact science. But it seems similar to my situation. The “a little better” after a year is a bit discouraging. 

[ChessieCat]

As Altostrata, SA's founder says, we are all an experiment where N = 1. 

 

An N of 1 trial is a clinical trial in which a single patient is the entire trial, a single case study.

 

So the answer is, nobody knows.  It is an unanswerable question.  Very frustrating, I know.  SA members most certainly understand.

 

We also understand completely how hard it is to decide what to do.  However, only you can make the decision.  All we can do is provide you with the information that we have so that you can make an informed decision.

 

You could start with a very tiny dose to begin with just to test the waters.  For example 0.1mg.  I realise that this seems like a ridiculous amount but the idea is to introduce the drug to your body to find out how you react to taking the drug again.  It would be unlikely in your case (stopping 2 months ago at 5mg) that 0.1mg would reduce withdrawal symptoms, but if you took 0.1mg and did not feel worse then you could increase by a bit more.

[Altostrata]

Sean, please let us know how you're feeling after taking a little Lexapro as a reinstatement.

 

It may support your nervous system enough so you can work and pursue normal activities. It takes time to recover from withdrawal.

[SeanT]

I haven’t made the jump yet but I have picked up the medication and syringe. Thinking long and hard about this. I still have so many questions spiraling in my head

 

Mainly If I succeed with reinstatement and stabilize at .25-.5mg and begin to taper down from there could it prolong or worsen the withdrawal recovery? My fear is starting over once I again hit the 0mg mark 

edit
I will decide soon and report back. 

 

 

 

 

 

[SeanT]

I began reinstatement this morning at .25mg using a liquid syringe. Its been roughly 8 hours, so far Ive noticed increased headache/pressure, but that has been a very common occurring symptom the past 7 weeks. Also a little more thirsty than normal.  

[Crochet]

Hi Sean,

 

 

Making decisions while in withdrawal is really hard.  I'm glad you were able to come to a decision and see what happens.  I am praying for rapid improvement for you.

 

Take care,

Crochet

 

 

[tryingtosurvive330]

Sean, I’m so sorry that you’re going through a tough time. I am too and the only comfort is knowing that others here know what it’s like. 
 

You did not get a reason for the FMLA being rejected? Did you have a doctors note? I’m going to apply soon as well. So unaware of how it works but I thought you needed some kind of “proof.” I hope you can get the disability. I too had severe issues working, I felt debilitated and could barely even open my computer. Thinking about it sent me into extreme panic and terror. 

[SeanT]

Noticing possible pssd. Is this common  as an onset symptom several weeks into withdrawal or could this be reinstatement related?  Has this ever been a windows/waves issue?

 

edit

Also still noticing increased thirst.