Jadenatalie: Hello! 7 weeks into withdrawal and I'm in hell.

[Jadenatalie]

WEEK 47: Hey everyone! So, this is a positive update... This weekend just passed is the best I've felt since coming off the meds, i felt NORMAL. Me and my partner went away to the countryside with his friends for 4 days. I was initially quite anxious about being around his friends when I don't know them massively well, BUT, it was the best weekend. I felt fantastic. I was my old self, happy, carefree, anxiety free, content. I did have the odd bit of anxiety but just used my anxiety techniques to help with that. I'm still feeling pretty good now it's wednesday too. Definitely the best window i've had so far and i hit 11 months off next week too.  

 

I've actually even felt more and more confident the last few weeks that I've decided to start job hunting, the job I'm in currently is okay but it feels unfulfilling and what I've learnt from withdrawal is that life is precious and I want to be happy going forward. So I actually had a job interview yesterday and I've got another tomorrow and another next week, which to me, shows I'm definitely improving because a few months back this would have been impossible. 

 

I'm hoping as time keeps going i'll just keep getting better and better. My waves will get shorter and my windows will be longer, which seems to be whats happening now. I am also helping myself by taking daily vitamins, reading my kindle, therapy. 

 

x 

[Phoenixmama]

❤️🌞

[Dominique]

So happy for you! What an amazing update ✨

[Blossom71]

Hi @Jadenatalie

 

Just dropping in to say 'Hi' from my part of Leeds 👋

Also, it appears that you turned 30 on the same weekend i turned 50! 😀

 

Glad things are going really well for you x

[Jadenatalie]

11 MONTHS OFF SSRI'S! Jesus, I actually cannot believe I'm 11 months off. It's weird because the first few months went SO slow, and these last few months have FLOWN. I've had abit of a hit and miss week really, I've had some very anxious and low moments this past week, but not as bad as they've been previously. I've also had days this week where I've felt absolutely fine. I think recently I have noticed that I barely get any more physical symptoms, the ones I'm left with off the top of my head are whole body aches and general neck/head pressure, and sometimes my legs feel weird but they have dramatically decreased thankfully. I think I'm mainly left with the mental symptoms, anxiety, low mood, feeling flat. My crying that I had EVERYDAY, numerous times a day seems to have ceased mostly too, I cried every day constantly up until approx month 9-10. Its only just stopped happening recently. That was one of the symptoms i was worried would never go away because it went on for so long but it has passed mostly. 

 

My sleep is still hit and miss, but I am sleeping much better at the moment, I generally get between 5-7 hours per night which is great compared to a couple of month back when i'd be getting 1-2 hours per night, sometimes no sleep at all. It does seem that things are slowly settling down and I hope this continues. I have seen some people say they had a bad wave at the 1 year mark, I'm hoping thats not the case for me, but even if it does, i'll ride it out and it will pass like all the others have done so far. I'd like to think i've done the majority of the hard work now. 

 

I'm generally feeling abit rough today, but I do have some things on my mind which I think are making me feel anxious and groggy. I'm still waiting to hear back from the job interviews I had last week and this week and I go skiing on Saturday with my family, which I'm kind of excited and nervous for at the same time. I'm just trying to relax, accept it and tell myself this too shall pass. My next update will probably be my 1 year off SSRI's announcement, unless I feel like I need to do a random update in the meantime. 

 

Thanks for reading  

[Phoenixmama]

🌞❤️

[Jadenatalie]

Just wanted to do an update, I'm almost at a year off the meds fully! I cannot believe I've nearly made it to a year. I wanted to do this update today as I've had a massive achievement last week. I've had a family skiing holiday booked since covid kicked off, there are 12 of us that go every year and I was extremely nervous for this years trip, to the point where I tried giving my place away to someone else. But I decided I was going to go no matter what, I used the Anxious Truth method and DARE method for the anxiety. Yes, I was anxious at times whilst I was there, but I also had an AMAZING time. I did everything that I wanted to, didn't let the anxiety hold me back even when doing scary things. I never usually have issues with travelling and going on holiday etc, but, since coming off SSRI's obviously the anxiety levels have been higher.

 

But on this holiday I managed to get 2 flights (one in storm eunice!), go skiing at the top of mountains, go out every day and night for meals with my family. I'm very proud of myself for doing all this. A few months ago it definitely wouldnt have been possible. 

 

Next week i'm also starting an in-person course on 'self compassion' which i hope will help my recovery along because i'm always beating myself up and making myself feel guilty etc.

 

Right, i'll be here next time for my 1 year update i think!  x

[siderale]

This is fantastic to read! What you said about your travel reminded me of this summer when I went for my first trip abroad *and* alone. Despite short moments of anxiety there, it did not cancel the fantastic experience it was.

Imo these are the best things showing that we are recovering, because we look back at it and go "I was able to do this and it turned out way better than my anxiety was trying to tell me, I overcame everything." You can definitely be proud of yourself, from the start of your journey 👏👏

 

I hope the self compassion course will be helpful. WD or not it is so important to realise we aren't responsible for everything, and more generally to learn to deal with feelings of guilt and be more compassionate towards ourselves. You are undoubtedly a wonderful person trying your best.

Hope all goes well! ♥

[Jadenatalie]

@siderale I agree completely. We are much stronger than our brains have us think we are! Thank you for your kind words  Cant wait to read your success story soon and I hope you're still doing well! xx

[Jadenatalie]

ONE YEAR OFF SSRIS! I can’t quite believe I’ve made it here, 1 year. Today I’ve booked the day off work and I’m celebrating with my partner, we’re going to the country for a long walk and then a pub lunch! I also managed to get myself a new job this week, I start in 4 weeks time. Looking for a new job was something I never thought I’d be able to do, but I’ve done it. I’m so proud of myself for sticking it out and pushing through the horribly rough times. I’m not ready to write my success story just yet, I still have anxiety levels which vary, sluggish digestion and some tears but only occasionally now. My sleep is almost fully back to normal too! 
 

thanks for reading! It’s time for me to enjoy my day and celebrate my STRENGTH! x

[Phoenixmama]

🌞🌞 yaaaaaay🌞🌞 I've also last week hit the 1 year mark , I'm so excited for you  congrats ❤️

[Erimus]

It’s so nice to read a positive story every now and then. Keeps us that are struggling motivated. Great effort @Jadenatalieand can’t wait to read your success story in the near future.

[Jadenatalie]

14 hours ago, Erimus said:

It’s so nice to read a positive story every now and then. Keeps us that are struggling motivated. Great effort @Jadenatalieand can’t wait to read your success story in the near future.

@Erimus Thank you! I wouldn't class myself as being nearly fully recovered yet, but i've made it to a full year med free and i'm happy about that!  

[Erimus]

Things will only improve from this point onwards @Jadenatalie. I think a lot of people find the first 12 months the most challenging. Just think in another years time how you’ll feel even better than now. The further you get away from zero on the drug the better life will get.

[Dominique]

Congrats on this big milestone Jade!! You have overcome so much to be at the 1 year free mark, you are a warrior 💪🏻👏🏻❤️

[Jadenatalie]

13 months off meds (as of 2 days ago)… just a short update really. I’m still in withdrawal, my sleep is still hit and miss, but mostly sleeping better now. The main things that seem to be leftover are gut issues, anxiety and the weird sadness/hopelessness/emptiness etc which is really hard and unsettling. 
 

I’ve had a significant life change recently and got a new job, so I know I’ve been having anxiety and sadness issues but I’ve still managed to get myself a new job after having 3 interviews. Whereas a few months ago I wouldn’t have dreamt of applying for new jobs. So it shows I am making withdrawal progress, it’s just slow… 

[siderale]

Thinking of you @Jadenatalie, I hope little by little things get back into track for you. Sleep is a good start, so I hope it continues to improve little by little. Then I hope more positive emotions find their way to counter-weight the much too common emptiness and hopelessness that a lot of us go through.

I hope your life changes turn out in your favour eventually, but seeing what you wrote, well first I'm SUPER PROUD of you for applying to and getting a new job. And I'm confident things will continue to improve, even if it feels bittersweet like you said a few months ago it would have appeared unthinkable to apply to other jobs.

Sending much love and strength your way 💙

[Memphisto]

hi jadennatalie,

 

I came to read your updates on the 1 year milestone and also the update after that. I'm glad to see you're making progress and things keep getting better. your journey may not be over yet, but you are definitely on the right path to healing.

 

Above all, you can be really proud of yourself for looking for a new job despite the fear. I know this fear from withdrawal, it still overwhelms me on a regular basis, but not as often and often not as intensely. nevertheless there are still days when the desperation and hopelessness is great. but these days are also passing and we are progressing step by step.

 

It is always inspiring to read from you. thanks for your updates!

 

Take care and hang in there, we can do it! 🌞

[Jadenatalie]

On 4/13/2022 at 1:21 PM, siderale said:

Thinking of you @Jadenatalie, I hope little by little things get back into track for you. Sleep is a good start, so I hope it continues to improve little by little. Then I hope more positive emotions find their way to counter-weight the much too common emptiness and hopelessness that a lot of us go through.

I hope your life changes turn out in your favour eventually, but seeing what you wrote, well first I'm SUPER PROUD of you for applying to and getting a new job. And I'm confident things will continue to improve, even if it feels bittersweet like you said a few months ago it would have appeared unthinkable to apply to other jobs.

Sending much love and strength your way 💙

Thank you so much @siderale for your kind kind words! I’m definitely healing because I’m not on this website or the Facebook group at all anymore really! I spent so many hours on these sites at the beginning!! 
 

You are my inspiration to keep going and strive for full healing! ❤️

[Jadenatalie]

On 4/14/2022 at 8:48 AM, Memphisto said:

hi jadennatalie,

 

I came to read your updates on the 1 year milestone and also the update after that. I'm glad to see you're making progress and things keep getting better. your journey may not be over yet, but you are definitely on the right path to healing.

 

Above all, you can be really proud of yourself for looking for a new job despite the fear. I know this fear from withdrawal, it still overwhelms me on a regular basis, but not as often and often not as intensely. nevertheless there are still days when the desperation and hopelessness is great. but these days are also passing and we are progressing step by step.

 

It is always inspiring to read from you. thanks for your updates!

 

Take care and hang in there, we can do it! 🌞

@Memphisto thank you so much. Yep I’m keeping going, too far to turn back now! 😃xx

[Jadenatalie]

Just a small update, I’m almost 14 months off the meds. I’m in a bad wave at the moment. Nausea, depression, anxiety, severe itchy skin and skin crawling all over my body. 
 

just trying to keep plodding on and looking to the future but seriously considering trying a med at this point. 
 

x

[siderale]

My heart aches for you Jadenatalie, I am crossing fingers you get to see some relief. I have read on this website multiple times to never take a medication related decision during a wave but it's easier to say...

No matter what you do, do not feel guilty. You know yourself better than anyone else. I hope from the bottom of my heart that things improve for you very very soon ♥

[Ariel]

Hi @Jadenatalie

Sorry to read in your last post you are suffering through a bad wave. 

You have come so far, it's awe-inspiring to read your thread. You're amazing! 

Thank you for sharing about your journey, it's encouraging to follow the progress you've made. How hard you've been working towards healing, and your efforts are bearing fruit.

Hang in there! I know it's tough, late-breaking waves can sometimes feel particularly demoralizing/disappointing, but don't give in. Keep going, steadily and surely, as you have been. This too shall pass. As you have experienced many times before.

Healing is happening with every breath -- you are getting better and better every day!

Wishing you peaceful moments, that the wave may resolve sooner rather than later,

A.

[Memphisto]

hello jadennatalie,

 

I am very sorry to read about your last wave. I really hope that it has become more bearable now. these waves are so incredibly overwhelming for us. every time it feels like we're being thrown back and we're not making any progress.

 

but you are incredibly strong and you have been escitalopram free for over 14 months. you will be fine. I hope your wave is broken.

 

All the best

 

 memphisto

 

Edited May 16, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed background colour

[Jadenatalie]

Just a small update, so I’m just over 14 months off the meds. My mood has been slightly better the past week or two BUT, my physical symptoms have been bad still. My sleep is very erratic, for example, last night I didn’t sleep AT ALL, not a wink all night, I wasn’t stressed or anxious etc, I just literally felt wide awake. That’s my issue since being in withdrawal that i can’t sleep properly due to feeling wide awake, but the night before I had a full solid nights sleep, so it’s very up and down. Admittedly, I thought this would be something that would’ve settled by now, I know it’s withdrawal because this only started after i stopped the meds. 
 

my other symptom is still the skin issues, skin crawling all over, itchy, burning scalp, flushed skin on face etc etc. which is really irritating and probably causing me more stress than it should do. I’m just not sure if it is actually withdrawal or whether it’s something else like hormone issues or nervous system issues, I’ve had more blood tests that came back normal too. 
 

I have been feeling more anxious the last day or so and since I didn’t have any sleep last night I’m feeling pretty deflated this morning and low in mood so I can feel another emotional spiral coming as this is how they usually start. I’m fed up really. I want to be back to normal so desperately but I know I’m still a very long way from feeling normal (if that ever even happens again!). I’m also working full time throughout all this which I think causes my nervous system alot of extra stress but I can’t afford not to work. 
 

sorry for the negative update, I have genuinely had some good days in between too but the bad days stand out more unfortunately.  X

[ChessieCat]

Q:  Are you taking any Magnesium?

 

Sleep problems - that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

 

[Jadenatalie]

15 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Q:  Are you taking any Magnesium?

 

Sleep problems - that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

 

Hey, yes I take magnesium daily and have done throughout withdrawal. 😢 doesn’t seem to make a difference with my sleep. X

[siderale]

Hello @Jadenatalie, just a short message to let you know I'm thinking of you and hoping things get better your way. ♥

[Jadenatalie]

On 6/3/2022 at 4:25 PM, siderale said:

Hello @Jadenatalie, just a short message to let you know I'm thinking of you and hoping things get better your way. ♥

Thanks @siderale 💖 hope you’re still doing well! 🥰xxx 

[Jadenatalie]

15 MONTHS SSRI FREE: so generally the last few weeks have been a mixture of ups and downs, but I have started to notice that my better times are starting to last longer and actually feel better. My bad times are lasting less and don’t seem as severe or for as long. I still have my skin crawling/prickling/itching sensation which I’m pretty sure is stress/withdrawal reaction, but I have an appointment with dermatology Tuesday just to double check I don’t have a skin condition etc. my FSH hormone level was normal too which was a relief. 
 

I have finally been given my CBT therapy through the nhs, I’ve waited 18 months for this and I start next Thursday so I’m thrilled about that. I’m still meditating daily, doing between 8,000-10,000 steps a day and trying to read, do home therapy via an app etc etc, anything to help myself. I take some vitamins as and when I remember but they’re not a daily thing at the moment. 
 

I don’t feel fantastic yet, but I’ve had some times of feeling much better and I’m hoping things will only improve more as time goes on, i do not regret stopping the medication and cannot begin to tell you how freeing it is that I don’t have to rely on a medication daily anymore. 😄

[Phoenixmama]

💗

[siderale]

So happy for you Jadenatalie!! You can be proud of your strength through this journey. Not so long ago you were considering reinstating (don't we all) and now you seem more confident. Waves are really jarring. You're pulling through like a champ 😉

 

On 6/11/2022 at 12:09 AM, Jadenatalie said:

I still have my skin crawling/prickling/itching sensation which I’m pretty sure is stress/withdrawal reaction,

 

It's not the exact same but ever since WD I've had heat rushes through a part of my left foot. I do notice it happens more when I'm stressed even if the other WD symptoms are gone!

On 6/11/2022 at 12:09 AM, Jadenatalie said:

cannot begin to tell you how freeing it is that I don’t have to rely on a medication daily anymore 😄

Oh for real!! When I pack my things to go somewhere for a few days I don't have to worry about it. It is such a nice feeling.

 

Wishing you a good sunday and a good week to come. Plenty, in fact! Keep it up!

[peaceandlove]

On 6/10/2022 at 3:09 PM, Jadenatalie said:

15 MONTHS SSRI FREE: so generally the last few weeks have been a mixture of ups and downs, but I have started to notice that my better times are starting to last longer and actually feel better. My bad times are lasting less and don’t seem as severe or for as long. I still have my skin crawling/prickling/itching sensation which I’m pretty sure is stress/withdrawal reaction, but I have an appointment with dermatology Tuesday just to double check I don’t have a skin condition etc. my FSH hormone level was normal too which was a relief. 
 

I have finally been given my CBT therapy through the nhs, I’ve waited 18 months for this and I start next Thursday so I’m thrilled about that. I’m still meditating daily, doing between 8,000-10,000 steps a day and trying to read, do home therapy via an app etc etc, anything to help myself. I take some vitamins as and when I remember but they’re not a daily thing at the moment. 
 

I don’t feel fantastic yet, but I’ve had some times of feeling much better and I’m hoping things will only improve more as time goes on, i do not regret stopping the medication and cannot begin to tell you how freeing it is that I don’t have to rely on a medication daily anymore. 😄

did you find it hard to meditate with intrusive thoughts or ocd thoughts etc?

[Jadenatalie]

16 MONTH UPDATE (VERY LATE!): so, this past month has been very mixed. BUT, I think I’m seeing the light at the end of this withdrawal malarkey. I wouldn’t say I’m out of it, it’s mainly my moods now and I’m still VERY easily tearful/sad/anxious etc. the prickly skin I spoke of in my last post comes and goes but is much less now, I went to see a dermatologist for reassurance and he checked me over fully and said he thought it was a stress response which I agree with! (Withdrawal!). 
 

im having some separate physical health issues at the moment which I think are slightly hindering my withdrawal recovery but hopefully I’ll be out of it soon. I do have some very dark days due to my physical issue, I think if it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t have those days at all. 
 

my new job is going good, I’m working full time still and I’ve been there 4 months already. It’s very fast paced and quite stressful and I’m actually dealing with it really well with very minimal anxiety/panic. My manager and team mates can’t speak highly enough of me too so I’m obviously doing a good job! 
 

I’m having my CBT therapy now, I’m 5 weeks into therapy and my therapist is AMAZING, we have clicked so well and I think she’s fantastic. She’s teaching me so many great skills too. 
 

anyway, I’ll be back for my 17 month update. Generally, I’m feeling much better. When I look back to all of the months before this, especially before the 12 month mark, I cannot believe I survived it. 

[siderale]

I'm super happy to read such a positive update @Jadenatalie! You've been through so much and I firmly believe you overcame the hardest part. It's a matter of finding a good balance again and given what you write it seems that you are slowly but surely finding it. Small setbacks are temporary!

 

Super glad that your new work is going so well and that your therapist is amazing. That is perfect to keep moving forwards. Hope your physical issues resolve very soon. And it is true that the prickly skin feel can definitely still be WD... It'll wear off I'm sure.

 

Happy and relieved for you! You've got this!

[Jadenatalie]

On 8/1/2022 at 3:16 PM, siderale said:

I'm super happy to read such a positive update @Jadenatalie! You've been through so much and I firmly believe you overcame the hardest part. It's a matter of finding a good balance again and given what you write it seems that you are slowly but surely finding it. Small setbacks are temporary!

 

Super glad that your new work is going so well and that your therapist is amazing. That is perfect to keep moving forwards. Hope your physical issues resolve very soon. And it is true that the prickly skin feel can definitely still be WD... It'll wear off I'm sure.

 

Happy and relieved for you! You've got this!

Thank you @siderale 💖🥰xxxxx