☼ WhitePhoenix: tapering quetiapine

[WhitePhoenix]

Pasting my signature here as ChessieCat suggested, before I edit my signature:

Quote

 

I've taken antidepressants, antipsychotics, Benzodiazepine, etc since about 2006. Gradually building up from a small dosage to a big dosage. Main problem was depression and problems sleeping.

Before 1 june 2016: Breakfast - paroxetine 40mg + lorazepam 1mg, Lunch - zarelix 75mg + lorazepam 1mg , Bedtime - zoleptil 50

Started tapering by 1 june 2016: switched zoleptil for seroquel 300mg, paroxetine 30mg, zarelix 75mg
ANTIDEPRESSANT TAPPER

25 september 2016: switched paroxetine to 20mg | 25 november 2016: switched zarelix to day on/day off | between november 2016 and february 2017: removed zarelix | 15 february 2017: 10mg paxotine | 16 april 2017: NO MORE ANTI DEPRESSANTS

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QUETIAPINE TAPPER

17 october 2016: 3/4 of 300mg seroquel | 18 November 2016: 1/2 300mg Seroquel | 6 january 2017: 1/4 300mg seroquel | 25 february 2017: 1/8 300mg seroquel (58mg active substance)

Started using digital scale

26 april 2017: 52mg seroquel | 5 May: 47 mg seroquel | (tappered too fast, reinstating) 23 May: 52mg seroquel | 30 May: 58mg seroquel | 1 August: 52mg seroquel | 22 August: 46mg seroquel | 25 November: 40mg Seroquel | 24 December: 36mg Seroquel | 19 January 2018: 32mg Seroquel | 16 February: 29mg Seroquel | 23 June: 26mg Seroquel | 26 July 2018: 23mg Seroquel | 30 October 2018: 20mg| 12 Abril 2019: 19mg Seroquel

| 26 July 2018: 23mg Seroquel | 30 October 2018: 20m Seroquel | 12 Abril 2019: 19mg | 26 April 2019: 19mg | 10 May 2019: 18mg | 16 August 2019: 17mg | 30 August 2019: 16mg | 31 October 2019: 16mg | 5 December 2019: 15mg | 9 January 2020: 14mg | 7 February 2020: 13mg/12,5mg | 7 March 2020: 12mg | 11 April 2020: 11mg | 3 July 2020: 10m | 11 September 2020: 9mg | 25 November 2020: 8mg | 18 December 2020: 7mg | 08 January 2021: 6mg | 29 January 2021: 5mg | 16 February 2021: 4mg | 03 March 2021: 3mg | 09 March 2021: 0mg FINISHED MEDICATION
REINSTATED 28 April 2021: 2mg | 04 May 2021: 5mg | 07 August 2021: 4mg | 01 October 2021: 3mg | 27 November 2021: 2mg | 18 Februrary 2022 FINISHED MEDICATION

 

 

[WhitePhoenix]

So, it's been almost 9 months since I'm drug free.

Mostly all side effects are gone. 

I had a really hard time after I first stopped using medication back in April 2021, so hard that I had to reinstate (although with a small dose) but side effects lasted up until recently.

I remember at the beginning of 2022 (when I was almost drug free again, because I was taking almost nothing) I went through a period where I couldn't feel any positive emotion (I think this is called Anhedonia?). Up until recently I felt very depressed, I felt like I hadn't felt in years and I worried my depression was coming back again to stay.

 

Fast forward to today and I've never felt better in a long while. Also some issues with my personal life that were stressing me and causing me anxiety are getting fixed. I feel energized, hopeful, generally good and my life seems to keep better and better..

 

Now, I started to worry about my current lack of libido, although a few weeks ago (around 3 weeks) I was fine. It seems to sometimes come and go but I think I was never 3 full weeks with it being low.

My main worries are if having taking this drugs for years have left me with permanent side effects. That's always something I've worried about.. What is your experience, do side effects eventually go, what about low libido specifically?

Thanks

[ChessieCat]

Yes people do fully recover.  I suggest that you visit the Success Stories forum.

 

Success stories: Recovery from psychiatric drug withdrawal

 

3 hours ago, WhitePhoenix said:

Now, I started to worry about my current lack of libido, although a few weeks ago (around 3 weeks) I was fine. It seems to sometimes come and go but I think I was never 3 full weeks with it being low.

My main worries are if having taking this drugs for years have left me with permanent side effects. That's always something I've worried about.. What is your experience, do side effects eventually go, what about low libido specifically?

 

The fact that you have windows and waves of your symptoms is really good sign.  It can happen so gradually that it can sometimes be hard to notice that a symptom has improved.  Compare how you feel now to how you felt at your worst not how you felt at your best or how you want to feell.

 

If you are concerned specifically about PSSD this is the search results in the Success Stories forum of the term PSSD:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=pssd

 

[ChessieCat]

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

  

On 8/31/2011 at 5:28 AM, Rhiannon said:

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

AND

 

On 12/27/2015 at 6:37 AM, Altostrata said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are [...] to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. 

 

[Altostrata]

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

 

Please see this topic:  How to write your success story

[WhitePhoenix]

Guys, thanks for your responses and all your support. I'll address some of the requests shortly.

 

I was kind of thinking, since I took so long to taper (almost 6 years), since it was a really slow tapper, that I would experience almost no side effects towards the end. That's what's gotten me confused and wondering whether this is really just the brain still adapting or whether it's something else. 

ChessieCat, since we have kind of a similar path (our taper took around 6 years and we both quit taking meds around the same time) whether you're still experiencing or have experienced side effects up till recently..

 

I find this forum really valuable. If it wasn't for it I would have been all alone trying to quit the medication. It's tough, this tapper process, although you keep getting better and better, the withdrawal effects that you sometimes feel from time to time can really impact your life, and can degrade your social life.

I felt angry, anxious, depressed at times and sometimes still do. But the tough part is that you feel like no one really understands what you're going through. Even worse is that if you try to go to a psychiatrist who should be the person to give you a little peace of mind and guidance , he'll just tell you that those withdrawal symptoms don't exist and that it's all in your mind. It's very rare to find a good psychiatrist that knows about this (which is completely crazy since they're the ones prescribing you these drugs). I've never found one.

[WhitePhoenix]

@Altostrata I'm waiting for things to stabilize more and then write my story. My story is a bit crazy, I've been in the deepest of pits. Perhaps it could be of interest but I was maybe waiting for things to stabilize more before I write it.

 

Right now, at this moment, my life is like a roller coaster. One day I feel great, like everything is starting to make sense, like I figured things out, like life is finally good, that the future will be bright.

Then a couple days pass, something triggers me, brings back feelings of deep insecurity, loneliness, feelings of low self worth, anxiety and I start questioning everything again.

Am I really worth anything? Will I end up alone? Will I waste my life and what I could have been? Will I ever beat my depression and have a stable life?

I fight, I get back up again. I start feeling good and hopeful. A few days later, I get triggered again by some event. I feel really bad again. The cycle repeats.

Today is one of those days where I'm at a low point. I got triggered by some events yesterday, was only able to sleep for about 3 hours. Just kept thinking about my insecurities that those events triggered..

 

ChessieCat, would it be possible for you to answer my question?

 

Just wanted to know if what I'm going through is something that's normal or expected when quitting psych meds even if almost 6 years of weaning it down have passed.

 

[ChessieCat]

2 minutes ago, WhitePhoenix said:

I'm waiting for things to stabilize more and then write my story.

 

Here is the criteria for a success story:

 

On 11/17/2012 at 3:24 AM, Altostrata said:

If your withdrawal syndrome is completely resolved -- you've been off ALL drugs for a year

 

[WhitePhoenix]

That's not the question I meant...

 

The question, ChessieCat, I would like you to specifically answer, if possible, is this one:

On 10/30/2022 at 12:59 PM, WhitePhoenix said:

I was kind of thinking, since I took so long to taper (almost 6 years), since it was a really slow tapper, that I would experience almost no side effects towards the end. That's what's gotten me confused and wondering whether this is really just the brain still adapting or whether it's something else. 

ChessieCat, since we have kind of a similar path (our taper took around 6 years and we both quit taking meds around the same time) whether you're still experiencing or have experienced side effects up till recently..

 

1 hour ago, WhitePhoenix said:

Just wanted to know if what I'm going through is something that's normal or expected when quitting psych meds even if almost 6 years of weaning it down have passed.

 

If anyone would like to answer as well that would be great. The more opinions the better..

 

Thanks again!

[Altostrata]

8 hours ago, WhitePhoenix said:

One day I feel great, like everything is starting to make sense, like I figured things out, like life is finally good, that the future will be bright.

Then a couple days pass, something triggers me, brings back feelings of deep insecurity, loneliness, feelings of low self worth, anxiety and I start questioning everything again.

Am I really worth anything? Will I end up alone? Will I waste my life and what I could have been? Will I ever beat my depression and have a stable life?

I fight, I get back up again. I start feeling good and hopeful. A few days later, I get triggered again by some event. I feel really bad again. The cycle repeats.

 

This sounds like you've rediscovered your fundamental dour tendencies, self-blame and all. You may wish to work with a psychotherapist or counselor to change how you think of yourself.

[ChessieCat]

On 10/30/2022 at 11:59 PM, WhitePhoenix said:

ChessieCat, since we have kind of a similar path (our taper took around 6 years and we both quit taking meds around the same time) whether you're still experiencing or have experienced side effects up till recently..

 

I've posted in my topic.  Post 0 updates start here

[WhitePhoenix]

On 11/5/2022 at 6:51 PM, Altostrata said:

This sounds like you've rediscovered your fundamental dour tendencies, self-blame and all. You may wish to work with a psychotherapist or counselor to change how you think of yourself.

What do you mean about "fundamental dour tendencies"?

Yes, self blame could indeed be one of my issues. I think I have abandonment issues as well. 

 

Over the years, I've tried around a dozen psychotherapists (not exaggerating) and found them to be a waste of time (some more than others) and waste of money (I've spent a lot of money on that).

I find that mostly there's a lack of strategy. It's also mainly about talking about feelings and not about coming up with a strategy and a set of actions to fix our issues. 

Just recently I was listening to this podcast, there was this psychotherapist named Adam Lane Smith who was being interviewed  and he was saying that most psychotherapists don't come up with a set of actionable steps, a strategy, for the patient, they just want to talk with the patient about their feelings, etc.. And he says that for most men (I'm a man) this doesn't work, as men are typically more solution oriented. I found this to be an accurate observation. 
This Adam Lane Smith seems like someone that could potentially be helpful in fixing my issues unfortunately I can't afford him.

Do you have any recommendations for psychotherapists? Mind you, that I live in Portugal so it would either have to be remote (remove video chat consultations) or from my Country.

 

I'm thinking of restarting to supplement with Ashwagandha. My nutritionist said wonders about it and I've recently been researching and there seems to be quite positive feedback on its positive effects on anxiety, stress, lack of quality sleep (all things that I have), etc, etc.. previously, in the past, I was on it, I'll try to restart and see how I do with it..

About 1 month ago I was OK for about 3 weeks. Then last week I started to get worse again and this past weekend was really bad. Symptoms of depression, anxiety, hopelessness, etc..

 

Thanks again, kind regards,

 

 

[Altostrata]

Suggest you work on your emotional issues and tendency to pessimism with a psychotherapist.

[WhitePhoenix]

I don't think you've read what I just wrote

[Altostrata]

Sorry, we cannot assist you in selecting a therapist.