Formykids1220: Trying to go with the flow and not get pulled under

[Greatful]

@Formykids1220 Everything okay?  You have been pretty quite over here.

[Formykids1220]

@Greatful I'm ok I've just had increased pain related to my nerve condition and nuerosurgery I had almost a year ago. I'm trying to get through positively. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make anyone worry. How have you been?  I hope better than me:) 

[Greatful]

@Formykids1220  I am glad that you are okay except the nerve pain.  That must add another exhausting element to your life.  I am sorry😞

Is there anything that you can do for it? 

I am sending you a big hug🤗

I am here if you ever need to vent or just chat😊 

[Greatful]

@Formykids1220    How are you doing?  It's been pretty quite over here.

[Formykids1220]

@Greatful I'm hanging in there just going through days that I Cry everyday and I don't know why. Feeling super sad and disconnected lately the state of the world isn't helping either. I'm always tired since beginning this. How are you doing is there an update on your symptoms? Are you able to eat more?

[Greatful]

@Formykids1220  

21 hours ago, Formykids1220 said:

I'm hanging in there just going through days that I Cry everyday and I don't know why

Some days are just like that.  I think we just get worn out. This is a everyday battle.... Somehow we keep clomping on.  

Feeling sad is a reality for me too. 

We get just enough small windows that gives us the strength to go another day♥️

Yes I  get fatigue.  Saturday morning I really didn't want to get up, so I got up a couple of times to take meds and take a  potty break.

It felt good to let go, I told myself I don't want to get up and force myself to do anything.  I laid there until 11am then the obsessing started in and that was i,t up and out.

 

Are you still in a lot of pain?  My heart goes out to you, wd and extra physical pain😞

 

When do your kids go back to school?

I am applying for FMLA this fall.  There is no way I can go back to work yet.  Even if I get a little window were I think maybe I can, it slams shut pretty quick😰

 

Hang in there❤️

 

 

[Formykids1220]

@Greatful I am on long term disability through my work right now waiting on a social security disability judge to make a decision to approve my case. If I do too much(which isn't much at all) it sends me into a pain flare that can last for days up to a week. I had neuro surgery in August of 2020 to stop progression of nerve damage but not cure the damage that has already been done. I hope as time goes on my nerves will heal more but I'm trying to be realistic and accepting also. I don't even know if I would ever want to be a nurse again if incomes to the point that I can physically work again.

     My son Jude is 7 and is starting virtual school for 2nd grade because the schools here aren't making the kids wear masks and the delta variant is going crazy here the ICUs are 102% full right now. My 4 year old was supposed to start pre K but we are trying to teach her here for the same reasons. 

I don't blame you for needing to go on FMLA. Going through withdrawal during the pandemic takes a special kind of warrior 💪 like us. There will be better days ahead, there has to be. Please keep in touch I appreciate your friendship 🙏 ❤ 🙂 

[Greatful]

@Formykids1220  Hi there, I  am stopping by to see how you  are doing.  How is the WD symptoms?  I again say you are remarkable woman,  you are going through, WD, nerve pain, raising a young family and trying to homeschool.  I feel overwhelm for you.   What are you doing for yourself to help you manage all this?  Please remember I am here for you in anyway that will help you.

 

I am going through some up and downs like normal WD.  I do feel there has been some healing going on.  I still have all the wd symptoms, but still feel that I am moving in the right direction.  I really wish it would speed up, patience is something that I am now forced to learn.

I am so glad that I am on FMLA right now.  I am hoping to be off through Dec.  I will then reevaluate my next steps that I will take if I am not able to work still.   

 

Hang in there and know I am thinking about you❤️

 

[Greatful]

@Formykids1220  Wow it's been a month since I have talked with you.  How are you doing?

[Formykids1220]

@Greatful I'm so sorry I've been so busy with doctors appointments and my son Is in online school which means I'm his teacher for now until he can go back to regular school. My hubby fully tore his rotator cuff and is scheduled for surgery on Nov. 2nd and my 2 year old still hasn't started therapy for her autism I might have to try to set her up at a different provider because they aren't calling me back. All this is going on and everyday it's such a fight to keep Going. I really appreciate the time you take to check in with me and I hope you are doing well or at least having more windows than waves. I have been super dissassociative lately and crying, super sad and I can't think of a particular reason. I've been able to take walks this last week that has been good for me. I feel like I don't have very many clear memories of the past but I have this sick feeling that the future can't hold anything good because the best in life has already happened. I used to identify with being a nurse and it was a part of who I was. Now that is gone I don't know if I was just trying to throw myself into something to keep me busy so I didn't have to think about the trauma I went through as a child I don't know what I identify with anymore I don't know who I am. This withdrawal has shaken my foundation to its very core. I feel like such a crappy mother not warm or caring as often as I should be. I try to put on a happy face and fake it when I'm feeling down but it gets so tiresome. Lately my pain in my shoulders from being so tight has been extremely hard to deal with. What have you been up to? Have you seen improvement? I hope for you and all of us that we will have better times ahead. You are such a sweet soul to reach out like you have been. 

[Greatful]

❤️

You are a wonderful mother.  I can imagine how much strength you have to manage all that you do.  I agree it gets tiring trying to pretend that you are okay.  You are doing the best that you can with all these different scenarios that you have very little control over.  Be kind to yourself❤️

On 10/23/2021 at 1:48 AM, Formykids1220 said:

I have been super dissassociative lately and crying, super sad and I can't think of a particular reason.

I have been dealing with this for awhile, up and down.  This journey sure is a humbling experience.  I just want this to be over with.  But as you know this line of thinking will only make it harder.  I have to revert back to one day a time a lot.  And some times that doesn't even work.

Here is a new quote to put up in your house.

 

 Accepting were you are today and know that you are going to get through it.  Then add in some  coping skills, meditation, walking, mindfulness, reframing your thoughts, to help you get through.  There is nothing you can do about tomorrow except worry about it and do wishful thinking.  Today is all you can really do anything about.  So live for today.  Then do this everyday. 

 

On 10/23/2021 at 1:48 AM, Formykids1220 said:

Now that is gone I don't know if I was just trying to throw myself into something to keep me busy so I didn't have to think about the trauma I went through as a child I don't know what I identify with anymore I don't know who I am. This withdrawal has shaken my foundation to its very core. I

Boy can I relate to this.   Run, Run, Run, to get away from the pain, fear, ect.   I have been having flash backs from my childhood, different triggers will send me back.  I work with a therapist, and she has been helping me work through things.  I wish the was a key that you could turn the lock open the door and walk through.  Years of dysfunctional thinking, and misguided beliefs takes time to face, feel the emotions, reframe how you see things.  I struggle with unworthiness and negative outlooks. 

Have you tried cbt or dbt therapy?

 

On 10/23/2021 at 1:48 AM, Formykids1220 said:

Have you seen improvement?

How does on answer that?  In some ways yes.  All my symptoms are still there, but some are not as strong.  They can get better and then hit again.  Right now I am having a hard time like you with the disassociation, low mood, blah, tired out, finding the will to think positive is hard. I've made 3 small cuts from my Lex.  I think my brain is feeling a little clearer over all. Comes and goes like the rest.  I wish I had some energy, I feel so tired, but not sleepy tired.

 

Hang in there.  I hope things slow down for you soon.

Remember you are a great mom, wife ❤️

Edited October 25, 2021 by Greatful

[Foxclover6]

The pain makes me constantly think im dying. =/ good to know someone else has it. 

[deg1979]

I have also had horrible neck and shoulder pain off and on through withdrawal. I finally gave in and started taking ibuprofen for it this last week. That's a normal place for me to ache when I am tense, but this is like next level pain that just doesn't let up. In addition to all of the other WD symptoms, it makes it even harder to go to sleep!

 

@Formykids1220, how many kids do you have? How do you like living in Utah?

[Foxclover6]

13 hours ago, deg1979 said:

I have also had horrible neck and shoulder pain off and on through withdrawal. I finally gave in and started taking ibuprofen for it this last week. That's a normal place for me to ache when I am tense, but this is like next level pain that just doesn't let up. In addition to all of the other WD symptoms, it makes it even harder to go to sleep!

 

@Formykids1220, how many kids do you have? How do you like living in Utah?

I have pain in my hands and feet, it feels like I have over used them or even burned them at times. I've been checked for everything under the sun, not diabetic. My neck is very stiff also, I hardly even turn my head. In the first couple months of quitting I got a virus and allover body aches, then arms and legs, then hands and feet.  Doc tested for ebv and said I had it active.  I dont know, I really think everything is related to stopped the medication.  =/

[deg1979]

@Foxclover6, My hands and feet feel pretty normal. Sometimes I feel like part of my left foot is numb, which is new. I've never had that happen before. I had EBV when I was 18, but I haven't been tested to see if it's active. That really stinks to have that happen on top of everything you've got going on. I'm so sorry. Did you get a sore throat and fever? I think one of my worst fears is getting Covid right now, with everything already going on with my body! Yuck. I don't need anything else. 

 

[Foxclover6]

5 hours ago, deg1979 said:

@Foxclover6, My hands and feet feel pretty normal. Sometimes I feel like part of my left foot is numb, which is new. I've never had that happen before. I had EBV when I was 18, but I haven't been tested to see if it's active. That really stinks to have that happen on top of everything you've got going on. I'm so sorry. Did you get a sore throat and fever? I think one of my worst fears is getting Covid right now, with everything already going on with my body! Yuck. I don't need anything else. 

 

I didnt have sore throat or fever oddly, or any swollen nodes. I was having muscle pain, my doc said viruses usually cause that sort of pain, esp ebv. So she checked mine and it was positive. It sucks because now im on all these immune supplements. Lol...ugh.  

[Greatful]

@Formykids1220

How are you doing?  I hope you are doing okay❤️

[Formykids1220]

@GreatfulI feel like I am as healed as I can possibly get. I'm going back to work as a nurse soon. You have no idea what it means to me that you were there for me through my worst times in my life. I wish I could show you my gratitude. How are you doing? 

[Greatful]

@Formykids1220  Oh my gosh it's good to hear from you.  It sounds like you are doing better...Going back to work is a huge step to regaining your life and it shows that you are healing from this chemical brain injury....Can you tell me more?

 

I am so glad I was able to help you, but as you know you helped me too,  sharing and being there for each other.  

 

Me I'm  slogging through this nightmare lol....I'm slowly getting off my drugs..  Off the Lamictal, down to 2mg of Lexapro, down to 7mg of Trazodone and still on a very low dose of Xanax.  That being said it sure has not been a easy task, but over all I'm feeling better, maybe is having less of the drugs in my system but I seem to be moving slowly in the right direction...One day I will be drug free just like you  

 

Please keep in touch and when you are ready write that success story🌞