BigDave: sertraline withdrawal - when will it ever end?

[BigDave]

Kids are well again thanks @Erimus. Glad you're over covid. It is indeed nasty. None of us need that on top of everything else.

 

Thanks again for the encouragement. 😊

 

[BigDave]

1 year (and 2 days) on from my last dose of Sertraline and I thought I'd post an update.

 

It's been a tough year for myself and my family but I've seen very gradual improvement as time has went on. That's the frustrating thing about this. The improvement is so glacially slow that its hard to see that things are improving at all unless you look back over many months.

 

I'm no longer pacing the floors. It does happen sometimes during periods of stress but infrequently now. Stress/anxiety is easily triggered by very small things. I'm working on my mindset to try and improve how I look at and think about events. 

 

I'm still waking up with anxious and negative thoughts but hopefully I can continue to work on changing how I think and improve those thoughts. Waking up in a panic and having to go for a long walk first thing in the morning happens very infrequently now.

 

Tinnitus is still with me although it's also slowly improving. When I'm anxious it buzzes through my head. Sometimes it's accompanied by brain fog and I can't think. When I'm distracted or in a better mood I don't really notice it. Sometimes I do notice it but I don't worry about it. I believe that once I get back to normal that the tinnitus will go. 

 

Alcohol is a big no no. I keep thinking I can have a few bottles of beer and I'll be alright but it can affect me with low mood for a few days after. 

 

Exercise is a big yes yes however! I'm back on my bicycle and it's a great mood improver. I'm also going back into the office for a couple of days a week and interacting with other people. I enjoy that very much and it lifts my mood. Working from home is good for many reasons but it's also very isolating and leaves you too long with your own thoughts.

 

I'm not looking forward to the upcoming shortening of days in the next months as I enjoy getting out in the daylight but I'm going to tackle this with my 2 mood improvers - exercise and social interaction - and a "I can do this" attitude. For too long I've been burdened with a "I can't do this" attitude. That has to change. I blimmin well CAN do this.

 

So, in summary, things are definitely better for me 1 year on. I have a way to go yet but I now have hope that I will be back to normal in time and I have a stubborn attitude that this is not going to beat me.

 

I CAN do this! And so can you. 👊

 

[eileen1111]

@BigDave great one year post  I'm certain that this time next year things will be hugely improved all over again and that the experience may even be behind you. you're on the right track, recovery is inevitable - you've got this !!!

[BigDave]

Thank you for your encouragement@eileen1111.

 

Always appreciated.😊

[BigDave]

Well, here I am 18 months since stopping Sertraline and 6 months since my last post. I haven't posted in a while because I felt I didn't have a lot of change to comment on.

 

Looking back now, though, over the past 6 months I can say that things have definitely improved. And not in a nice gradual smooth way but with lots of forwards and backwards happening.

 

I'm still suffering from tinnitus and head buzzing. It is much worse when I'm anxious or in a stressful situation. Overstimulation (even excitement or happy things) can also spike it. At times it seems to get worse on its own. Up until the end of last year I would have evenings where I just had to go to bed, put on the TV for distraction/background noise and close my eyes. My head would buzz like it was the inside of an electrical substation.

 

Thankfully those really bad episodes of head buzzing haven't happened yet this year. Hopefully they are on their way out.

 

I used to get very anxious about the tinnitus every time I woke up in the middle of the night. Which, of course made the tinnitus and my anxiety worse. I now stick in Bluetooth earbuds and play looping rain sounds which mask it and let me get back to sleep. It took ages for me to get used to them as the rain noises themselves reminded me that I had tinnitus and the anxiety continued! I quite like the rain noises now and I only have to put one earbud in at a low volume in order to mask it. That way I can also hear other noises in/outside the house and it just feels less enclosed.

 

I'm less aware of the tinnitus during the day these days. This is partly due to being back in the workplace more. Working amongst others is a distraction and I've found that since I'm not thinking about it all the time I'm a bit more relaxed about it these days. I'm still not quite in the place where I can sit in a quiet room and stay completely relaxed but I'm getting there slowly. 

 

2 months after my last update there was a small turnaround on some of my anxiety. I had been very anxious about the darker days coming in to winter. But a short break away from home and work improved my mood and I was more optimistic about my future without anxiety. 

 

I do have a lot less "no reason" anxiety. The type where you just don't know what is wrong. Most of my anxiety is now about something. That something may be big or small but at least I now can reason with it. Before I was just in an anxious state and didn't know what to do other than pace. The pacing is mostly gone and only occurs very infrequently when I'm really anxious about something. 

 

I'm in a better place now than I was 6 months ago. I'm in a fantastic place compared to a year ago and I cant even think how I managed to get through every day during the first 6 months after stopping the medication. I'm not fully recovered yet but I think and hope I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[BigDave]

There are a few things which I believe have helped me to get to this point. In no particular order. 

 

    1. Time. Sometimes you just have to accept that recovery will take time and it's going to be hard. My wife was the first one to say to me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep plodding on. Time will heal.

    2. Exercise. I did a lot of walking in the early days of withdrawal. It was good to get out and get moving but latterly what has helped even more is the sustained cardio exercise I get when cycling. A couple of 50 minute stints 2-3 times a week really helps me chill and sleep. Don't get me wrong. I'm no athlete! I only cycle on the flat. But I put enough effort in to get out of breath and raise my heart rate. It can spike my tinnitus though. Perhaps that's a cortisol after effect? 

    3. Hope. I felt many times like giving up all hope that I would recover. A number of different things countered that. I read the success stories on this site and kept telling myself that that will be me. I tried to look back over the months and recognise small improvements. I do have Christian beliefs so I had faith that someone else was in control of my life and that whatever the reason for my current situation that I would get relief. I in no way want to alienate anyone who has a different faith or none. This is just me writing about my personal experience. 

    4. Comradeship/encouragement. I have benefited from reading people's stories on this site and knowing that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling. I also want to thank all of those who took the time to interact with me. Even during your own battles. Your posts have encouraged me greatly. 

    5. Routine. Getting back into a more normal work/home routine has helped. My original mental health issues were partially caused by the change in routine caused by the Covid pandemic. So getting back to working away from home and having more social interaction with colleagues has improved my mood and outlook. 

 

I hope none of the above sounds patronising. It's just my own personal experience. 

 

Sending my best wishes to all of you wherever you are in your medication timeline. 

 

Keep believing. 

[Hanna72]

Hi @BigDave

Thank you for coming back with this amazing post. I am so happy to hear that things have improved so much for you.

44 minutes ago, BigDave said:

I'm not fully recovered yet but I think and hope I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

You are on your way!

Keep on thriving and know the best is yet to come!

[Erimus]

Good to hear from you Dave.