Emma09: Been on Zoloft for 5.5 years, had no idea withdrawal would be hard, looking for advice

[Emma09]

Hello, I'm glad I came across this forum because since I started having withdrawals after quitting Zoloft I've been looking for information about people who have been on the drug for more than a few months, all I can find are studies about people who withdrawal after a short trial period. 

 

I'll try to keep this as short as possible because I probably don't need to regurgitate my whole life story into this text box here but I'm also procrastinating homework right now so maybe I will do a bit of that...

(TW: mention of suicidal ideation)

 

I've struggled with anxiety for as long as I can recall. I had severe OCD as a child along with what I was eventually told was generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. I silently suffered for years until at 15 I realized I didn't think I could go on living if nothing changed so I told my parents and then one day I was sitting across from a psychiatrist prescribing me my first bottle of Zoloft. 

 

At that time for whatever reason, Zoloft was the change I needed and within about 6 months I was living in a way I wouldn't have conceived as possible beforehand because of how free and happy I felt. I had never experienced life without crippling anxiety and the depression that came with it. I thought of Zoloft as magic, I was soo thankful that I was on it. It enabled me to live a pretty normal high school life without having panic attacks in the bathroom every morning and constantly being afraid that my body was racked with parasites (a long term obsession and fear of mine). I never thought I would be able to leave home for college either, and I attributed that success to Zoloft as well. I had been on 150mg comfortably for years and eventually I decided I wanted to come off of them.

 

I made it down to 50mg over time before the pandemic hit. Then at some point my life deteriorated rather quickly. I started have horrible panic attacks again, I sunk into the worst depression of my life, was severely derealized, I could barely eat, and I was utterly terrified because at that time I felt that there was no part of me left that wanted to keep living if I didn't feel better. Thinking that this was all attributed to my medication changes, my doctor increased my dose back to where I was before. Unexpectedly, for me, there was no change. On top of this, I felt the Zoloft was giving me side effects that it had not before, like constant lightheadedness. I kept waiting for the Zoloft to kick in and do its same magic, but it never did. Instead I started going to therapy, changing my lifestyle, mediating, etc. (Very fortunate to have access to these things and a support system). Pulling myself out of that hole was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, and I didn't think I would ever feel better. But over the course of a year, I've felt progressively better and more myself again, all the while I'd been decreasing my Zoloft very slowly and for the last two months I've been at 25mg. I am certainly not anxiety free, but I feel more confident in my ability to cope with it than I ever have. I am also confident that Zoloft does absolutely nothing for me anymore. 

 

I had always been told by my old psychiatrist that I would be easily able to come off of it whenever I pleased. Once I was down to 25mg, I thought that was basically nothing so I wouldn't even notice a change when I stopped taking it. So one night I figured I'd been tapering long enough and I stopped taking pills. I knew withdrawal was possible but I figured I'm tough I can handle a couple of days of feeling weird. 

 

So here I am now, coming to this realization that Zoloft is not in fact a drug that will just leave your system without having any sort of impact...yeah...

 

I feel incredibly lost and scared right now because I can't decide if I should try to push through a couple weeks because so far the withdrawal hasn't been horrible, but it is uncomfortable. I'm very lightheaded, nauseous, can't stop crying and am having wild mood swings like I've never experienced and its only been a few days. I'm thinking what if I go back on them and all I would have needed to do was go through a few more days? But the thing is there's no way to know how long I'll be feeling like this. And based on what I am reading, for someone who's been on them for so long, my brain may need a while to reboot the systems and make new receptors and figure out how much serotonin to make after years. 

 

My main problem is that I'm a college student, I can't afford to stop doing school for however long this takes. I can barely think or comprehend what I read and I'm terrified that my grades are going to start suffering for it. But if I go back on, I'll be disappointed in myself. I feel trapped because I don't even need this medication anymore for its intended purpose, but now I need it to have brain function? I've wanted to be free from it for so long, and I'm coming to the realization that I might not be able to do this right now, in this way. I feel almost betrayed by this drug I used to consider my savior. I feel betrayed by my doctor that told my mom when she asked him if it would make any long term changes to my brain chemistry, he told her "no, it will not." 

 

I don't know if I should go back on it and try a longer, smaller taper, or if I should try to push through (which is what people who have never taken antidepressants keep telling me to do of course). I'm also scared now that the longer I'm on it, the more difficult it will be to get off of it in the future. 

 

I had no idea that I would have to deal with this, and it seems that there is very limited literature on the subject. At this point I don't know what my next move is, I'm so determined to get off of it, but I also need to be a functional person right now. I don't know if these things are mutually exclusive. 

 

Edited February 20, 2022 by ChessieCat
added spacing

[getofflex]

Hello Emma, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.

 

On 2/20/2022 at 3:08 PM, Emma09 said:

Thinking that this was all attributed to my medication changes, my doctor increased my dose back to where I was before. Unexpectedly, for me, there was no change. On top of this, I felt the Zoloft was giving me side effects that it had not before, like constant lightheadedness. I kept waiting for the Zoloft to kick in and do its same magic, but it never did.

What other side effects did Zoloft give you besides light headedness, after you went back on the full dose?  

 

On 2/20/2022 at 3:08 PM, Emma09 said:

Instead I started going to therapy, changing my lifestyle, mediating, etc. (Very fortunate to have access to these things and a support system). Pulling myself out of that hole was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, and I didn't think I would ever feel better. But over the course of a year, I've felt progressively better and more myself again, all the while I'd been decreasing my Zoloft very slowly and for the last two months I've been at 25mg

It sounds like you've been doing a lot of hard work to help yourself.  It shows you have courage and determination and strength.  

 

On 2/20/2022 at 3:08 PM, Emma09 said:

I feel incredibly lost and scared right now because I can't decide if I should try to push through a couple weeks because so far the withdrawal hasn't been horrible, but it is uncomfortable. I'm very lightheaded, nauseous, can't stop crying and am having wild mood swings like I've never experienced and its only been a few days. I'm thinking what if I go back on them and all I would have needed to do was go through a few more days?

 

There is another option, which we will discuss later.  

 

Can you please give us specific information in your signature about your drug history for all drugs you are on and have been on, especially for the past 18-24 months?  It would be especially helpful to have the details of your drugs in a concise vertical list (no symptoms), only drug names, specific dates (as best you can say for example early March if you don't recall the day) and dosages of each medication decrease or increase.  Use this format:

 

Drug name: date, dose, date, dose, date, dose…

Drug name: date, dose, date, dose, date, dose…

Etcetera

 

Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  

 

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

Here is some information about how these drugs actually work.   This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications, and why it's so important to taper slowly and carefully, and be very cautious about changing our doses: 

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Here is a link with checklists of common WD symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

What you might consider doing is a very small reinstatement to reduce your withdrawal symptoms.  We don't suggest going back on a high dose, because there is a good chance your nervous system is sensitized, and this could make you feel even worse.  Going back on a small dose of your drug, which we call reinstatement, is best done very carefully.  This is temporary, and after stabilizing you would then taper gradually off of this.  There is some risk involved, and we need more specifics about your drug history before we can suggest a good dose at which to reinstate.  Here is some information about reinstatement.  

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 

I can certainly understand why you feel scared.  Something that worked great for you before has turned on you, and causing problems.  However, please be reassured that you can and will heal from this, as long as you take proper care of yourself, and give yourself lots and lots of time, and be super patient.  Be aware that doctors love to put people on psych drugs, and they know very little about the bad effects and withdrawal that come with them.  You don't have to do everything a doctor tells you to do.  It's your body, and you have the right to decide what goes into your body.  Please let us know what you decide to do.  Take care, and let us know how you are doing. 

[LizzieTish]

Hi @Emma09. I've been taking Zoloft for depression for 20 years. I failed 2 previous withdrawal attempts due to tapering way too quickly. Both times I experienced intense symptoms (crying spells, irritability, brain zaps, etc.). Last April I decided to try discontinuing a third time. Third time's the charm, right?! Over 10 months I've slowly tapered from 50 mg/day down to 12.5 mg/day. In a couple of days, I'm going to taper another 10%. I expect my taper will last at least 2 years since it's harder as you get to the very low doses, especially if you've been on an SSRI for many years. I'm doing well with no symptoms.

 

Did you follow the recommended tapering schedule (10% decrements)? Good luck with your taper! 💗🤗🙏

[Emma09]

Hello, sorry for the late response, after my attempted cold turkey I went back on 25mg after about a week and had to step away from everything to recover and get caught up with school. I've added my drug history to my signature, and to answer @getofflex s question, my symptoms after going back on the full dose were lightheadedness and sexual side effects such as low sex drive and sensation. 

Thank you so much for the information. I recently started taking Omega 3 fish oil and magnesium. I have a new doctor to help me through the taper, but I am nervous because they seemed very keen on tapering me on a biweekly basis and I feel like that's very fast considering what I just went through with the previous withdrawal. I told them I want to be as conservative as possible. I plan to look into the 10% taper information on this site. My current plan is to stay on 25mg for another two months before trying to taper again because the cold turkey experience was very jarring honestly. I still haven't been feeling quite right since then (lightheaded, brain fog) and I can't tell if thats from any residual withdrawal or if its anxiety because the experience was scary. 

Thank you @LizzieTish for sharing your experience and for the encouragement, it is incredibly helpful to hear from other people. I did not originally do the 10% taper, I tried to quit completely after taking 25mg for a few months. 

Thanks!

Emma 

[Emma09]

I am also wondering if it is generally recommended to be sober from THC/CBD throughout this process? I'm an infrequent user so it wouldn't be a big problem. But I have noticed that my dizziness and general disconnected feeling increases after I've smoked...

Emma 

[getofflex]

Emma, can you please edit your drug signature to show about what date you went completely off the Zoloft, then what date you reinstated at 25 mg?  This is important information for the staff here.  We help many people, and cannot remember all the details of everyone's drugs, so we need this in the drug signature.  Thanks.  

 

On 3/10/2022 at 12:22 PM, Emma09 said:

I have a new doctor to help me through the taper, but I am nervous because they seemed very keen on tapering me on a biweekly basis and I feel like that's very fast considering what I just went through with the previous withdrawal. I told them I want to be as conservative as possible. I plan to look into the 10% taper information on this site.

The doctors who know how to properly taper off these drugs are very few and far between.  Please do not feel like you have to do what your doctor says about tapering.  If I had a dollar for every person who came in here with major WD because their doctor tapered them off too quickly, I could buy a tropical island.  And it can take months to years to recover from the damage caused by tapering too quickly.  Tapering is best done extremely slowly, and we generally taper by 10% of the current dose no more than once every 4 weeks, so that the reduction becomes exponentially smaller.

 

 Why Taper by 10% of my Dosage  

 

Tips for Tapering Zoloft

 

On 3/10/2022 at 12:22 PM, Emma09 said:

I told them I want to be as conservative as possible. I plan to look into the 10% taper information on this site. My current plan is to stay on 25mg for another two months before trying to taper again because the cold turkey experience was very jarring honestly.

I'm glad to hear that you want to be cautious and conservative.  Yes, I would suggest staying on your reinstatement dose for months before reducing again.  Be sure and take the same dose every day, not missing a dose, at the same time each day.  You could even stay on it for longer than 2 months (4,6, or 8 months), just to allow your system to really recover and find homeostasis before you reduce again. This will increase your chances of success.  We advocate that you listen to your body, to tell you when you feel stable, and are ready to make a reduction.  Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

On 3/10/2022 at 1:24 PM, Emma09 said:

I am also wondering if it is generally recommended to be sober from THC/CBD throughout this process? I'm an infrequent user so it wouldn't be a big problem. But I have noticed that my dizziness and general disconnected feeling increases after I've smoked...

We definitely suggest to stay away from any mood altering substances, including THC/CBD during tapering and recovery from psych meds.  These drugs may further confuse and destabilize our nervous systems, leading to complications in withdrawal.  

[eileen1111]

Hi @Emma09 ! I’m sorry to read about your Zoloft struggle. Just wanted to stop by and say it was definitely a good idea to reinstate quickly and do a slow taper. I also was told 25mg was a low enough dose of this drug to just stop overnight. Have been really struggling ever since, so you’ve made the right call in coming to SA while it’s still early enough !! With the help and advice on here you’ll be able to avoid a debilitating withdrawal. Take care and look after yourself a lot in the coming months 🙂 

[Emma09]

Hello,

I last posted on this site after a horrible CT experience in Spring of 2022. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this topic but I just have a couple of questions about my tapering plan and the symptoms I've had thus far. ALSO, not sure if my signature is done correctly and visible, despite the fact that I'm 22 I am bad at using technology, my apologies. 

Anyways

After my cold turkey and reinstatement, I had the worst time of my life, with emotional lows I'd never experienced before, extreme agitation/despair/dread that after about a year started to clear up and by fall I was feeling much better and still experiencing anxiety ( I have dealt with this since childhood so I probably will always deal with anxiety) but nothing that felt as intense as the year after the CT. I decided to start my exponential taper about 20 days ago using liquid Zoloft. I reduced my dose from 25mg in pill form to 22mg in liquid form. I was surprised up until about three days ago to experience no side effects, not even the lightheadedness I'd had with other dose reductions for a few days immediately after (50-25mg for example). However, after taking 22mg consistently for about 20 days, I started to get side effects as if I had just reduced my dose the night before. I became lightheaded, generally "out of it", mentally exhausted, and fuzzy. And appetite loss. And then yesterday I was hit with that storm of emotional horror that I experienced after my CT. It's more mild for sure and the lightheadedness is much more mild, but the symptoms are there nonetheless. 

It's only been a few days so maybe I'm being dramatic, but one thing I HAVE noticed on the potentially positive side is that throughout the day I will have an hour or two at a time where I don't feel it as intensely/I feel somewhat relaxed, a few steps closer to my healthy baseline, I did not have this before. I have more strategies for dealing with the anxiety around the whole situation as well which may be helping because I've already been through it and experienced relief after the CT. 

My question is: although I'm doing this 10% taper, should I still expect side effects like this? I was hoping that going slow would prevent them for the most part, but are the side effects just unavoidable for some people? Or does this suggest that I'm doing something wrong/need to change my plan? 

I've read through a lot of stuff on the site about everyone being different and some people being more sensitive, but if I'm already feeling like this from a 25-22mg taper, should I move slower going forward? 

And it is typical for some people to not experience symptoms until weeks later right? I found this to be kind of confusing. 

Thank you for all the work you guys do, I don't know what I would have done without this forum! 

[Emma09]

I was just trying to post this to my page as an update...I'm sorry I keep getting confused about how to use this site haha. 

[getofflex]

Hello Emma, and welcome back to SA.  Please bookmark this page - this is your personal thread where you ask questions and we discuss your tapering and withdrawal.  Each member gets one, it is in the Introductions and Updates forum.  This will help prevent confusion and duplication of effort.  Thank you.

 

Q: Your signature says "June 2023: 50-25mg". Did you vary your dose from day to day, or just drop from 50 to 25?  Please explain.  

 

Q: How long were you on the 25 mg before you reduced on Oct 15? 

 

It sound like because you've made so many drug changes over the past couple of years, increasing your dose and decreasing your dose by large increments, your nervous system may not have been stable enough when you resumed your taper in October of this year.  Did you read this link I gave you in my first post in Feb 2022?  

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

Because our nervous systems are super complex, they need lots and lots of time to adjust to any drug changes.  A drug change includes a change in the dose, either up or down, (the bigger the dose change, the harder it is for the brain to adjust, why we suggest only 10%), a change in drug manufacturer, and a change from solid to liquid, or vice versa, even changing the time of day we take our drug.  

 

We strongly suggest only 1 drug change at a time, and then allowing time for the brain to get used to this change before making another change. It looks like you made 2 drug changes when you switched from pill form to liquid, and simultaneously reduced your dose from 25 mg to 22 mg.  Also, I'm assuming you switched from pill to liquid all at once?  We also suggest people switch over gradually, over the course of several weeks.  

 

It it were me, I would hold on this current dose for a while, as in another few weeks, to even a month or two, before making any more drug changes.  To answer your question, yes, you could go slower.  Some of us have to go slower than the 10% per month.  Some go 5% per month, or even less.  There is also micro tapering.  You reduce by 2.5% per week for 4 weeks, then do a 2 week hold.  See the link below for explanations of that.  

 

Brassmonkey Slide Method of Microtapering

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Emma09]

Hello, thanks for getting back to me. 

To answer your questions, at the beginning of June (I didn't write down the day) I started halving my 50mg pills and took 25mg for 4.5 months until October 15th I was lightheaded for a few days right after the drop and after that had (what I now realize) were withdrawal effects on and off through July. August-October I felt pretty good. From there I switched to liquid and reduced the dose at the same time. How would one switch forms of the drug gradually...? 

Since I've been at 22mg via liquid for almost a month now I don't want to backtrack, so I'll probably try to stick this out but definitely won't decrease again until symptoms improve and some time passes. 

I have read "How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain" but I should probably refresh it. 

Another concern in the back of my mind has been the accuracy of doses using the liquid form. I'm really careful with the syringes but I can't help but think there is going to be some small variation in dosage every time. In your guys' experience, have you had these concerns or seen that people using liquid have more issues with symptoms? 

Thank you for your time and attention.

Emma 

[getofflex]

13 hours ago, Emma09 said:

August-October I felt pretty good.

That's good.  It means your nervous system had stabilized.  

 

13 hours ago, Emma09 said:

How would one switch forms of the drug gradually...? 

Here is how.  

 

On 12/27/2019 at 11:35 AM, Gridley said:

Our general recommendation for a crossover, whether from new brand to old brand generic or tablet to liquid is:

 

3/4 old, 1/4 new for 3 to 7 days 

1/2 old, 1/2 new for 3 to 7 days

1/4 old, 3/4 new for 3 to 7 days

all new thereafter

It's from this thread:  Cross Over from One Form of Drug to Another

 

13 hours ago, Emma09 said:

Since I've been at 22mg via liquid for almost a month now I don't want to backtrack, so I'll probably try to stick this out but definitely won't decrease again until symptoms improve and some time passes. 

I definitely agree!  Your brain is probably already made adjustments to this, and to change it would further confuse your brain.  Yes, stick with this current regimen for a while, as you said.  

 

13 hours ago, Emma09 said:

Another concern in the back of my mind has been the accuracy of doses using the liquid form. I'm really careful with the syringes but I can't help but think there is going to be some small variation in dosage every time. In your guys' experience, have you had these concerns or seen that people using liquid have more issues with symptoms? 

Actually, the syringe method is pretty accurate.  I used one in the last 3 years of my taper, and it went fine.  Here is a link that explains exactly how to use a syringe accurately.  

 

Using an Oral Syringe

Edited November 9, 2023 by getofflex

[Emma09]

Hello, I think I just made the unfortunate discovery that I've been using my syringe wrong. I use a 1mL syringe from the pharmacy. Because of the withdrawal effects I've been having I've been kind of over-paranoid and looking at videos on correct usage. My liquid Zoloft didn't come with an adapter to turn the bottle upside down originally, so I had just been sticking the syringe into the bottle and pulling up, there is a rubber stopper with a rubber nub that comes off of it. I have not been using the stopper because of the air that is already in the syringe when I pull the liquid up. I've been leaving the air at the top and just measuring where the liquid on the lines of the syringe. I imagine the role of the nub on the stopper is to offset the volume of liquid drawn in the lower part of the syringe. Long story short, I think I've been taking way more than my intended dose? I don't know if this makes sense, but maybe you'll understand what I'm describing. I feel like an idiot but I just didn't think about it. What should I do? Should I try to get a syringe that is easier to use and reinstate at 25mg because I don't actually know how much I've been taking or should I just keep doing what I've been doing until my side effects subside? 

[getofflex]

I'm having a lot of brain fog, so I don't know if I'm following all what you said.  Here is the proper method.  

 

Don't remove any parts from the syringe except the needle.  Place the syringe in the liquid.  Draw up some liquid.  Remove the syringe, and turn it up so that the nozzle (opening) faces the up.  Flick the syringe with your finger several times, to get the air bubble up to the nozzle, then push the stopper to remove the air. (a drop or two of liquid might come out, that is OK)  Then, carefully squeeze out liquid, until you have the correct dose.  Do not worry about any liquid that is left in the nozzle after you take your dose - you don't need to consume that.  Afterwards, I would rinse the stopper and the syringe and leave it out to dry.  This is what I did.  Please don't change your dose, just stick with 22 mg.  

 

This is the type of syringe I used, although you may be using a bigger syringe that this: 

 

https://www.amazon.com/Measuring-Individually-Measurement-Scientific-Applicator/dp/B08T175QFR/ref=sxin_16_pa_sp_search_thematic_sspa?content-id=amzn1.sym.f1ae5671-a572-4614-89aa-2c9d534241e0%3Aamzn1.sym.f1ae5671-a572-4614-89aa-2c9d534241e0&crid=8Q3VYLEW39MI&cv_ct_cx=5%2Bml%2Bsyringe&keywords=5%2Bml%2Bsyringe&pd_rd_i=B08T175QFR&pd_rd_r=896bc2f3-de5e-4545-b1b0-9888ba6aad6f&pd_rd_w=TGjSe&pd_rd_wg=oeHDA&pf_rd_p=f1ae5671-a572-4614-89aa-2c9d534241e0&pf_rd_r=7D0F4YGQF9H8EK0SY97D&qid=1700921517&sbo=RZvfv%2F%2FHxDF%2BO5021pAnSA%3D%3D&sprefix=5%2Bml%2Bsyringe%2Caps%2C90&sr=1-1-ac07dfd7-5f37-4797-bcf7-0f4905c82761-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9zZWFyY2hfdGhlbWF0aWM&th=1

 

 

Edited November 25, 2023 by getofflex

[getofflex]

If what I said doesn’t make sense to you your pharmacist should show you in person how to use the syringe with your liquid. 

[Emma09]

I’m sorry to hear you’re having brain fog. I talked to the pharmacist today and confirmed that I have been incorrectly using the syringe. I now know how to use it properly. He said with the way I was using it I would have been taking more than 22mg. And on top of that my doses were also less accurate because of the way I was using it. I don’t actually know how much I was taking, so if I start actually doing 22mg today that will be a dosage drop, but if I keep doing what I was doing I’d likely continue to get slightly inconsistent doses. Im leaning towards taking the risk and starting to correctly dose 22mg today. I’m wondering if some of my symptoms are from the improper dosing. Let me know your thoughts on this when you are able and what you think is the safest plan. 
Thank you again for the guidance. 
 

[getofflex]

Since you don’t really know what your dose was just stick with a 22 mg from now on. Just be sure to take the same dose at the same time each and every day you will stabilize. Yes, it is likely that your symptoms were from inconsistent dosing.

Edited November 25, 2023 by getofflex

[Emma09]

Thoughts on occasionally drinking alcohol? When I'm not actively having symptoms I find myself wanting to drink with my friends from time to time. I've never used it as a coping mechanism for anything, just for fun. Does it actually tend to make it more difficult to stabilize over time or does it just exacerbate symptoms the day of? For example, drinking makes me more lightheaded if I was lightheaded that day. I can definitely deal with the latter in order to have a fun night out sometimes, but I don't want to be making things more difficult for my brain in the long run, if that makes sense. After perusing the forum a bit I'm assuming the answer is that it can be destabilizing and probably best to just avoid:( I'm not messing with weed or any other substances that interact on serotonin pathways. 

[getofflex]

8 hours ago, Emma09 said:

Thoughts on occasionally drinking alcohol? When I'm not actively having symptoms I find myself wanting to drink with my friends from time to time. I've never used it as a coping mechanism for anything, just for fun. Does it actually tend to make it more difficult to stabilize over time or does it just exacerbate symptoms the day of?

We strongly discourage alcohol.  Yes, it makes it much more difficult to stabilize, and just a couple of drinks can destabilize you further for weeks, unfortunately.

 

 Alcohol

[Emma09]

Hello. I'm about two months into my taper (two weeks since I correctly adjusted my dose to 22mg with the syringe) and I'm still having pretty consistent issues with symptoms. The lightheadedness is especially consistent. Anyway, I'm going to add one of the supplements you guys suggest, which kind of magnesium? Magnesium glycinate? There are a couple of different kinds I'm seeing...

As always, Thanks!

[Emma09]

Update for anyone who peruses this and also for myself in the future...

 

It has been 3 months since switching to liquid Zoloft and decreasing my dose from 25mg to 22mg. Unfortunately, that abrupt change (to liquid) has been difficult to manage. My symptoms are consistent in a wave and follow a weirdly strict pattern. They start out with dizziness, then the feeling that I took an edible or something that is hitting bad, and then within a few minutes to hours acute anxiety. From there it will be anxiety and very very bad agitation/irritation, general feeling of "wrongness" emotionally along with lightheadedness, brain fog, and fatigue. Also wild vivid "sensory" nightmares. A few days later I'm less agitated/anxious but crash into deep depression, numbness, and anhedonia. That has lasted at the longest three weeks. Then I will randomly one day wake up feeling like I woke up from a nightmare and feel hilariously fine. Those days I feel like I'm resuming my actual existence. I come back into myself as if nothing has changed and everything feels like it's in harmony. I'm not manic or exceedingly happy in these states, I just feel "right", if that makes sense. It's not painful to exist like that. And in those days I'll even feel anxious or stressed or sad about something but it's so starkly different, they feel like my own emotions and it feels like me dealing with them. Does this make sense? 

 

My concern is that my first windows since the change were longer, usually a couple of days. They've shrunk down to usually only one full day now. I know I'm lucky to have the windows, but it sucks to feel good and know it will be over in a couple of hours. My waves are no shorter than 8 days, the longest being three weeks since I made the switch to liquid. I have been extremely diligent about my dosing, I take it at the same time every night and have not touched any other drugs in months. This time in my life is stressful, which is important I know. It wasn't when I started tapering but unfortunately, life doesn't wait for us to be done with wd before throwing curveballs and traumatic events at us. 

 

It worries me that my windows have shortened in length. The one thing I will say though is that my windows feel better each time. I don't know if it is because the waves have been worse each time so any relief after a new low feels amazing, but on the one day a week or so that I get, I feel so much more grounded and connected to myself and my emotions than I have in literal years. Which is pretty awesome even if it's only for a short amount of time. In my last couple of waves, I've felt so utterly hopeless, like it's not possible to ever feel normal or okay again, it's such a deep despair, but then a few days later I'm crying in my car out of gratitude because I'm able to listen to the music I love again because not everything sounds like nails on a chalkboard anymore. So I would say I've been very frustrated lately but hopeful because every time in the last couple of years I've been convinced that this is it, that there is no relief from this, the relief comes. Not on my terms of course, but every painful feeling I've ever had has eventually subsided despite how incredibly permanent it feels. 

 

Just another note is the anger I've felt and have had to work through. Not as a WD symptom, but as a reaction to what's happening to me. I was put on meds when I was 13. I was just an anxious kid. I wonder what my life would have been like had I tried the strategies I use today to manage my anxiety/ocd. It's futile to dwell on that. But I think about how unfair it was for that doctor to lie to my parents and say that the drug would have no long-term effects when now they feel so guilty that I'm struggling and feel like it was their fault. It's painful that we all had so much trust in the multiple psychiatrists I've been through over the years and the whole thing is pretty much a fabrication. I've been reading Anatomy of an Epidemic as I've seen mentioned in here before. It's tragic that we were put on these substances with no knowledge of what might happen to us. I lost 3 of my 4 years of college to withdrawal that I didn't even know was withdrawal (because my doctor said it didn't exist) and am continuing to sacrifice my early 20s to this. I often feel like Iive on a different planet than my peers. Life is hard for all of us, and in the material sense I am privileged which makes my life a lot easier, but I do think about what it would be like to never understand what this feels like. I excuse myself from dinner, from parties, from movies to measure out drops of zoloft into the wine glass that I can't use for wine and each night look at this funny little clear liquid that has become the god of everything that I am, and everything that I wish I could still be. I wonder what it would be like to not get that. 

[Emma09]

It's been almost six months since my change to liquid/reduction. My waves are usually around five days now with a one-day window that leaves for half a day then usually comes back and goes into the next wave. The weird thing has been that I have started to get more symptoms. In the past, my trajectory has been fairly straightforward but I've started to get more body-restlessness. Not akathisia, I've had this before and its not quite there its like a dull energy that I can feel everywhere in my body but not so extreme that I'm pacing, but its uncomfortable. Nothing about my dose changed and its almost like that will persistant through my "emotional windows". One of the worst things that happened was I got sick and had a horrible episode of what felt like severe panic/mental akathisia. This peaked in the evenings for a few days during the time I was sick and then backed off but now at the start of every wave I have episodes where it feels like my nervous system is just cut loose and I'm having palpitations, locked into this sense of fear for no reason. I've been sick in wd in the past and didn't seem to have reactions this strong:( 

I also had another unexpected set back recently. I took a zyrtec due to seasonal allergies and found that an hour or so later I experienced mild akathisia and the return of the severe lightheadedness that plagues the first few months after any of my drug changes. Clearly my most recent change really angered things and made my nervous system extremely sensitive. Technically still having some "emotional windows" despite the body restlessness and lightheadedness so can't complain too much.