BlushingxPill: Luvox tapering

[BlushingxPill]

Hi!

I've been lurking on this website for quite sometime now (Over 2 years) desperate for answers and hope. I thought I’d make an introduction post just to keep track of my own progress alongside others.

 

My memory is foggy in some parts because when I first cold turkeyed my Luvox 200 mg I didn’t think anything of it and was quite fine without it.

 

But my rough estimate is I cold turkeyed 7/2020. I didn’t notice any symptoms regarding withdrawal until 10/2020 that’s when I relapsed in my OCD with the intrusive thought “What if I don’t love my partner?” And I spiraled into crying and anxiety.

 

I’ve struggled with HOCD for 6 years and it was the main reason I was put on Iuvox. Funny enough throughout those 6 years my sexual function and emotions stayed in tact. But as soon as it hit 10/2020 the symptoms started almost immediately.

 

i even developed depersonalization to the point I didn’t even feel like a woman (which I’ve never wanted to be trans or a man so it was strange to FEEL like a stranger in your own body) I started feeling so depersonalized that even talking or seeing myself freaked me out and made me feel like I wasn’t me. I think this is one of the scariest things a person can experience.

 

The following months I had impending doom because I thought me and my bfs relationship was in jeopardy - I suddenly didn’t recognize him even though we’ve been together for 9 years and I was always in love with him.

 

My family became foreign too and it was hard to connect with them alongside my depersonalization.

 

When this all happened I messaged my primary care doctor to up my dose but reinstating did nothing.

 

i stayed on 100 mg of Luvox.

 

Fast forward to 3/21-7/21 - I had massive panic attacks where I almost believed I was about to have a heart attack. It was hard to connect with people and cognitively I declined. Making basic conversation with people was hard. And then my fiancé proposed to me and I had a panic attack during only making me believe we weren’t meant to believe. Not thinking it was due to the pill I dumbly cold turkeyed. Who would think it could impact you so much? Not me. This was also the time my sexual dysfunction took place. 
 

i realized I couldn’t feel anything during sex. My ****** became numb and even urinating felt different. It didn’t matter how much I touched myself I couldn’t feel pleasure - but scariest of all I couldn’t feel arousal. The natural feeling you get just by being kissed by my partner was gone. And then suddenly I coudn’t feel romance. And I know you don’t know me but I’ve been OBSESSED with romance my entire life.

 

I’ve written stories about love, watched only romance anime and movies, blushed over stereotypical romantic scenes. But suddenly without attraction or emotions I couldn’t feel romantic towards my fiancé. Which scared the hell out of me.

 

8/21 - I became emotionally blunted. I felt neutral, even the anxiety that always bothered me was numb. I didn’t care about my job, my family, my fiancé, my cats or what happened to me. 
 

4/22 - Emotionally blunted, again the sexual dysfunction and romantic attraction are what worries me the most. I know it’s the medication because I feel no desire for anyone else. It’s hard to laugh naturally and connect with people.

 

 

i took a Thorne gut test and tested positive for gut dybosis and out of range bad bacteria. 
 

Supplements Im taking:

• Fish oil

• magnesium taurate 

•butyrate

•multivitamin 

•liposomal vitamin c 

• vitamin d

•Korean panax ginseng

 

 

I’m tapering by 10 mg every month. I’m at 62.5 mg of Luvox currently 

[Frogie]

@BlushingxPill

 

Welcome to SA. We are a volunteer ran site helping members taper off antidepressants, or have tapered off and are healing.

 

This is your introduction page where you will receive information, ask questions and meet other members. We ask that each member only have one introduction page so we can keep all your information in one place.

 

First, can you please create a signature.

 

Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature

 

You are tapering off Luvox way too fast. We do not suggest more than 10% a month and a lot of members go much slower than that.

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Tips for tapering off fluvoxamine (Luvox)

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction PSSD

 

Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, emotional numbness

 

 

 

We don't suggest any supplements on here except 2. magnesium and omega as most are very sensitive to the nervous system. I see you do take Vitamin D. Make sure you take that during the day because it can cause insomnia to some people. Be careful when taking multivitamins also, as they contain Vitamin B's that can also be stimulating.

 

At this point, my suggestion would be hold on tapering the Luvox any further and let your body heal for a while as you have been making big tapers each month.

 

Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

 

If you have any questions after reading the links provided, please reach out to us. Glad you are here.

 

[BlushingxPill]

On 4/8/2022 at 9:24 PM, BlushingxPill said:

Hi!

I've been lurking on this website for quite sometime now (Over 2 years) desperate for answers and hope. I thought I’d make an introduction post just to keep track of my own progress alongside others.

 

My memory is foggy in some parts because when I first cold turkeyed my Luvox 200 mg I didn’t think anything of it and was quite fine without it.

 

But my rough estimate is I cold turkeyed 7/2020. I didn’t notice any symptoms regarding withdrawal until 10/2020 that’s when I relapsed in my OCD with the intrusive thought “What if I don’t love my partner?” And I spiraled into crying and anxiety.

 

I’ve struggled with HOCD for 6 years and it was the main reason I was put on Iuvox. Funny enough throughout those 6 years my sexual function and emotions stayed in tact. But as soon as it hit 10/2020 the symptoms started almost immediately.

 

i even developed depersonalization to the point I didn’t even feel like a woman (which I’ve never wanted to be trans or a man so it was strange to FEEL like a stranger in your own body) I started feeling so depersonalized that even talking or seeing myself freaked me out and made me feel like I wasn’t me. I think this is one of the scariest things a person can experience.

 

The following months I had impending doom because I thought me and my bfs relationship was in jeopardy - I suddenly didn’t recognize him even though we’ve been together for 9 years and I was always in love with him.

 

My family became foreign too and it was hard to connect with them alongside my depersonalization.

 

When this all happened I messaged my primary care doctor to up my dose but reinstating did nothing.

 

i stayed on 100 mg of Luvox.

 

Fast forward to 3/21-7/21 - I had massive panic attacks where I almost believed I was about to have a heart attack. It was hard to connect with people and cognitively I declined. Making basic conversation with people was hard. And then my fiancé proposed to me and I had a panic attack during only making me believe we weren’t meant to believe. Not thinking it was due to the pill I dumbly cold turkeyed. Who would think it could impact you so much? Not me. This was also the time my sexual dysfunction took place. 
 

i realized I couldn’t feel anything during sex. My ****** became numb and even urinating felt different. It didn’t matter how much I touched myself I couldn’t feel pleasure - but scariest of all I couldn’t feel arousal. The natural feeling you get just by being kissed by my partner was gone. And then suddenly I coudn’t feel romance. And I know you don’t know me but I’ve been OBSESSED with romance my entire life.

 

I’ve written stories about love, watched only romance anime and movies, blushed over stereotypical romantic scenes. But suddenly without attraction or emotions I couldn’t feel romantic towards my fiancé. Which scared the hell out of me.

 

8/21 - I became emotionally blunted. I felt neutral, even the anxiety that always bothered me was numb. I didn’t care about my job, my family, my fiancé, my cats or what happened to me. 
 

4/22 - Emotionally blunted, again the sexual dysfunction and romantic attraction are what worries me the most. I know it’s the medication because I feel no desire for anyone else. It’s hard to laugh naturally and connect with people.

 

 

i took a Thorne gut test and tested positive for gut dybosis and out of range bad bacteria. 
 

Supplements Im taking:

• Fish oil

• magnesium taurate 

•butyrate

•multivitamin 

•liposomal vitamin c 

• vitamin d

•Korean panax ginseng

 

 

I’m tapering by 10 mg every month. I’m at 62.5 mg of Luvox currently 

 

 

As of 7/1/22 I’m still suffering sexual dysfunction and anhedonia. There has been a couple times where I laughed. They felt off and bizarre like that fuzzy feeling of joy was being blocked.

 

i still can’t feel romance or love. And this is the hardest of all. I’ve always been in love with my fiancé but now I struggle to feel it. I have no love for my family. Without emotions I don’t know how much longer I can go on. I’m thinking of breaking it off with my fiancé because I’m completely broken from these meds. I know it. Life is dark right now. Cognitively I’m still bad.

 

im currently at 50 mg of Luvox. 

[Frogie]

@BlushingxPill

 

You could try an updose to 55 mg and see if that might help. It takes 7-10 days for it reach full stability in your system, so it won't happen overnight.

 

Can you please update your signature to show the Luvox. Thank you.

 

Let me know what you think. 

Edited July 1, 2022 by Frogie

[BlushingxPill]

8/4/22 - I’m truly feeling hopeless, I had a small window of feeling some sort of normalcy but I am back to feel emotionless. I can’t feel excited, anger, annoyed, love, happy anything.

 

i feel like I’m stringing my fiancé along. I love him so much but can’t access those feelings. We had sex last night and I tried a new cream to try to spike some kind of feeling. I couldn’t feel any pleasure. If anything it hurt, I couldn’t feel the passion.

 

i have such bad depersonalization that looking at old photos of myself I can’t tell that it’s me, and my personality feels so empty, faking has been so hard. Trying to feel normal feels so hard, and trying to act okay has been even harder.

 

i don’t want my fiancé to be stuck with someone so broken. If I don’t get better I don’t think I deserve to have anything good in my life. I don’t want anyone else and I don’t want anything. I hate myself for ever touching antidepressants. I so badly put my faith in them that they’d heal me when they destroyed me. 

[Ariel]

Hello @BlushingxPill

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. 

My heart goes out to you. 

 

18 minutes ago, BlushingxPill said:

I had a small window of feeling some sort of normalcy

 

Please know that this window you experienced was real. 

It's a very, very good sign that you did have this window -- you are healing! 

Healing is happening. 

Something that helps me is to write down everything I notice(d) and experience(d) during a window -- that way I have a record of what it was like. 

When we are back to experiencing WD symptoms or stuck in a wave, it can be very hard to remember what it felt like in that window -- sometimes we even forget that we ever had a window. 

When it's written down we can go back and read about it and remind ourselves: Yes, that window happened. Yes, it was real. Yes, I am still here, I am still really me beneath the superficial experience of WD symptoms. 

 

The WD symptoms are temporary. They will pass. It gets better. 

Healing is happening all the time, continuously, even when we don't consciously feel it, even when we are not currently in a window. 

 

Are you familiar with the topic on windows and waves?

 

23 minutes ago, BlushingxPill said:

i don’t want my fiancé to be stuck with someone so broken. If I don’t get better I don’t think I deserve to have anything good in my life. I don’t want anyone else and I don’t want anything. I hate myself for ever touching antidepressants. I so badly put my faith in them that they’d heal me when they destroyed me. 

 

This is not your fault. 

You are not broken. 

I understand how it might feel that way, but you are NOT broken. 

You are in the process of healing. 

It's very important to practice acceptance and positive self-talk.

Tell yourself that you are working hard, your body and brain are healing, you are getting through this little by little.

 

There are a lot of great tools and resources on SA that can help us learn ways to manage this very difficult experience of WD. 

Be aware of when the neuro-emotions show up and how to navigate them.  

Practice non-drug coping techniques. 

Experiment with changing the channel. 

Here's another useful topic on dealing with emotional spirals. 

This thread on acceptance and hope is one of my favorites. 

This essay goes behind the scenes of what's happening in your brain to give us a peek at some of the miraculous, complex healing taking place -- and why it feels the way it does. 

Here's another great post on managing withdrawal symptoms, presented in a clear and practical list format. 

 

Last but not least, have you ever read any of the success stories in the recovery forum?

There are many people who have experienced WD symptoms of PSSD, emotional blunting, anhedonia, DP/DR, and more, who have recovered and are now leading full, vibrant lives. 

Violets' success story may be a good place to start. 

 

Remember, BlushingxPill:

The window was real. 

The WD symptoms are temporary, they will pass. 

It gets better. 

Healing is happening <3

 

Hang in there, practice patience and acceptance, rock those non-drug coping techniques as best you can -- and you will make it through!

You are already doing it, you are getting through this little by little. 

You got this. 

 

In solidarity and support,

A.

 

[Ariel]

Hello again @BlushingxPill

 

brassmonkey just shared this post in another member's thread and I thought it might be helpful to read: 

 

13 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough patch. If there is one nice thing about ADWD it is that everything is temporary. It may take a lot longer than we want it to but given time things do return to normal and all the things we think we have lost come back to us. The human mind is an amazing thing in what it will do to survive. When it is under attack from outside things such as the effects of drugs and ADWD the mind will bury all the important things, personality, creativity, emotions and the like deep inside where they are safe and keep them there until conditions are right for them to reemerge. Getting through that time takes a huge amount of trust in one's brain, body and mind to do what is needed to heal and allowing it the time to do so.

 

Here is something I wrote a few years ago that might help.

 

I Think I Have Anhedoina, But I Don’t Care

 

Anhedonia is one of those symptoms that really upsets people, and not without cause.  It can be very unpleasant and disheartening. It is, however, a very important part of the healing/recovery process and needs to be embraced rather than feared.

 

I experienced anhedonia to some degree for a lot of my time on Paxil and during my taper off of it.  As I have mentioned before, I have done two major up doses while on Paxil. From 20mgai to 30mgai and again from 30mgai to 40mgai.  I first started to notice the anhedonia about a year into the change to 40mgai.  I had been going through a rough patch “life wise” for several years and thought that my lack of caring was due to the cumulative effects of life’s hard knocks.

 

During my downward spiral with the high dose of Paxil, drinking and continued life challenges, the anhediona continued to increase.  About the time I decided to do something about my life I pretty much didn’t care about anything.  I didn’t care enough to care about not caring. Until that flash of insight that set me on the path of righting my life.

It took getting sober and about two and a half years of tapering before I noticed any changes.  Another year and a half would pass before I really saw my emotions start to return.  From there it was a steady climb out of the black hole of emotionlessness. Once I made the jump to “0” things really started to improve. Today I still get small bouts that last for a few hours, but they are nothing like what it was in the beginning.  Now it’s more just normal emotional fluctuations like anyone would experience.

 

So, what did I do to get through it. Not a whole lot. I found that fighting against it only made things a whole lot worse. I found that accepting the anhedonia was much preferable to the alternatives of unrelenting anxiety and panic. I learned to look at anhedonia as a blessing in a way.  Without it I would have been feeling the over whelming panic and anxiety that is so common in WD.  Sure, I wasn't enjoying life, but I wasn't suffering either, and the loss of a happy life to it is only temporary. 

 

When it comes to WD, anhedonia is nature’s way of protecting us from the excruciating experience of constant panic attacks, nonstop anxiety, adrenaline rushes, cortisol spikes, palpitations, suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts, and the like.  Your mind decides that it is better to feel nothing at all than to be put through the ringer 24/7 with emotions and sensations that wrack the body and soul and slow the healing/recover process to a snail’s pace.  When the mind is allowed to feel nothing, the body is then allowed to relax and direct its energy to where it really needs to be used. This provides for faster more complete healing, less painful WD symptoms and a better quality of life.

 

Yes, anhedonia is no fun.  Primarily because we make it that way.  We all want to regain our feelings as fast as possible.  But we are in a healing situation where the body needs to be allowed to do what it needs to do, because it knows best how to put itself back together.  Once we understand this, accept it, and stop fighting it we will start to heal at a faster rate and life will be much more pleasant as we do so.  

 

You can't fight against it.  This is a drug induced sensation that we have no control over.  Trying to fight it or overcome it just burns a lot of precious energy and causes a huge amount of frustration and anxiety because it doesn't help anything.  The emotions, feelings of joy, happiness, love, and excitement as well as creativity, ambition, and a whole lot more are being chemically suppressed and for the time being are just not accessible. Acceptance of the situation is the best path to follow.  As you reduce your dose further and your body has a chance to heal your emotions and all will slowly start to come back, but it does take a lot of time.

 

For right now it seems that you are not in a place to taper, I'm not even sure if you are still taking anything or not, but your brain is crying out for stability, and that will come with time.

 

One thing I did learn was to look for and cherish all the little moments of joy.  They are popping up all the time but are very fleeting and easily overlooked.  When you look at a flower, instead of thinking "darn, I can't enjoy this flower", watch for the momentary little flash of joy that that flower brings when you first see it, and acknowledge it when it happens.  Stop and try to see the beauty in things, even if you don't feel it. "Wow, the sun on those clouds is really pretty, one day soon I will feel it again".  Stop and recognize the joy/wonder in the scene, but let your body react in its own manner.  This exercise will help reestablish the neural pathways and little by little dig out and strengthen the feelings. It is one of the symptoms that is really good to practice AAF on, as there is nothing you can do about it but live with it as best as you can.  Like a bad house guest, ignore it long enough and it will eventually go away.

 

Anhedonia can be a real relationship challenge.  I went through that for quite some time.  I learned that even though I couldn't call up or experience the feelings they were still there inside, just not accessible.  At the time I had been happily married for 33 years but couldn't summon up any of the feelings I had for my wife.  I mentioned this, and it lead to several "late night discussions".  Once we both understood that it was a manifestation of the drugs things started to improve.  After I had been tapering off of the Paxil for a while the feelings slowly started to show themselves, until, now I am more in love with her then ever.  We celebrated number 39 a couple of months ago.  It's a big test of a relationship, but if the feelings are true in the first place and both people trust each other it is something that can be gotten through and make the relationship all the stronger.

 

Like everything else we feel or don't feel in WD, Anhedonia comes and goes in waves and windows.  It is, however, frequently one of the last things to go.  Some people have it bad until after they jump off, while for others is clears up as they taper.  Given a lifetime, the time spent in ADWD/recovery is insignificant.  We have all had our "life" cruelly taken from us and want it back now.  But to get it back fully we need to let the WD/recovery run its course, put on a brave face, and accept whatever it throws at us, whether we can feel it or not.  With time, the healing will happen and when it knows we are ready, our minds will allow us to feel our full range of emotions again and life will be even better.

 

[BlushingxPill]

On 8/4/2022 at 1:00 PM, Ariel said:

Hello @BlushingxPill

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. 

My heart goes out to you. 

 

 

Please know that this window you experienced was real. 

It's a very, very good sign that you did have this window -- you are healing! 

Healing is happening. 

Something that helps me is to write down everything I notice(d) and experience(d) during a window -- that way I have a record of what it was like. 

When we are back to experiencing WD symptoms or stuck in a wave, it can be very hard to remember what it felt like in that window -- sometimes we even forget that we ever had a window. 

When it's written down we can go back and read about it and remind ourselves: Yes, that window happened. Yes, it was real. Yes, I am still here, I am still really me beneath the superficial experience of WD symptoms. 

 

The WD symptoms are temporary. They will pass. It gets better. 

Healing is happening all the time, continuously, even when we don't consciously feel it, even when we are not currently in a window. 

 

Are you familiar with the topic on windows and waves?

 

 

This is not your fault. 

You are not broken. 

I understand how it might feel that way, but you are NOT broken. 

You are in the process of healing. 

It's very important to practice acceptance and positive self-talk.

Tell yourself that you are working hard, your body and brain are healing, you are getting through this little by little.

 

There are a lot of great tools and resources on SA that can help us learn ways to manage this very difficult experience of WD. 

Be aware of when the neuro-emotions show up and how to navigate them.  

Practice non-drug coping techniques. 

Experiment with changing the channel. 

Here's another useful topic on dealing with emotional spirals. 

This thread on acceptance and hope is one of my favorites. 

This essay goes behind the scenes of what's happening in your brain to give us a peek at some of the miraculous, complex healing taking place -- and why it feels the way it does. 

Here's another great post on managing withdrawal symptoms, presented in a clear and practical list format. 

 

Last but not least, have you ever read any of the success stories in the recovery forum?

There are many people who have experienced WD symptoms of PSSD, emotional blunting, anhedonia, DP/DR, and more, who have recovered and are now leading full, vibrant lives. 

Violets' success story may be a good place to start. 

 

Remember, BlushingxPill:

The window was real. 

The WD symptoms are temporary, they will pass. 

It gets better. 

Healing is happening <3

 

Hang in there, practice patience and acceptance, rock those non-drug coping techniques as best you can -- and you will make it through!

You are already doing it, you are getting through this little by little. 

You got this. 

 

In solidarity and support,

A.

 

Thank you so much Ariel for taking the time to respond to my hopeless post. I do truly appreciate it because you honestly didn’t even need to do that when you don’t even know me.

 

i truly want to believe it’ll get better and I’ll return to how I was before all of this, but my window disappeared and now I’m feeling anxious just existing. Just sitting still I can’t relax and I feel like it’s hard to breathe, like I’m super aware of my body and normal things that we don’t think about are now things I notice, like how my head feels, or my hands and how we blink so many times. It freaks me out now.

 

I’ve tried looking for recovery stories but it seems like a lot of people on here don’t have sexual side effects. What I’d give to struggle through with just physical side effects, my cognitive, emotions and sexuality are all gone and I’m so scared.

 

I’ll look into your links and try to find hope that my brain is stronger than it lets on. 
 

thank you!!

[BlushingxPill]

9/22/22 - Still taking 50 mg of Luvox. I want to decrease my dose soon. Just haven’t made the time to do so. I’m still having moments where I think I’ll never get through this. The emotional blunting and anhedonia is so severe. I just want to FEEL. What’s life without my emotions? I want to love on my fiancé and my cats like I used to. I feel nothing, it’s so hard to describe but it’s just a feeling of existing without existing. 
 

I’m trying so hard to just go through the motions and let whatever comes out of my mouth and mind go. I had a couple moments where I felt like “me” where I posted on Twitter and felt like what I said truly was from my mind and not a fake thought. I had a moment where I laughed real laughter as blunted as it may be at nothing really funny but just staring at my fiancé.

 

I have this depersonalization symptom where I feel larger than I am? I’m 140 lbs and 5’3. But I feel like 200 lbs and tall with my almost 6’0 fiancé. It’s a strange phenomenon. But I’ve felt small lately.

 

I felt somewhat normal recently with a group of my friend and her friends, my conversations didn’t feel as robotic coming out as usual.

 

Me and my fiancé had sex and I tried to enjoy just him and me being intimate. Still can’t feel attraction or arousal, or romance. I’m starting testosterone this week. Since I have PSSD I’m willing to test things on myself, I never thought at 27 I’d be so broken and mentally damaged from SSRis but I’m trying I guess.

 

 

[BlushingxPill]

Update 6/1/2023

 

I’ve been bad about posting about my symptoms and experiences through my withdrawal process. But I’ve been experiencing on and off again waves of emotions.

 

Some days I’ll feel like I’m almost there, I’m almost back to feeling like me and other days I feel so emotionless and lifeless.

 

The other day I rescued 3 kittens and took them to a rescue. I had them for 2 days and when they weren’t there anymore I cried real tears. I felt SO sad, I missed them SO much. And I couldn’t stop crying when I thought about them not being there anymore.

 

My PSSD symptoms are still there, I can’t feel my genitals, no arousal response, no attraction, no sensations in genitals or nipples. I’ve been trying my best to be intimate and try not to let it get to me when it doesn’t feel like I know how it’s supposed to feel or how it did. Even after almost 3 years of losing my sexuality I know how it used to feel..

 

I’ve been getting small windows of romantic feelings but so small. I think I just compare it to how extreme I was before and then get upset about how small of healing I’ve gotten and such a long time. 

I’m down to 25 mg of Luvox. Still having panicky, palpitation, out of body panic attacks, they’ve lessoned but still make an appearance.