DazzlingCold: 20 years on AD

[Thorin]

29 minutes ago, DazzlingCold said:

Hello, 23 days later after the macrodose and having started another cycle of microdosis and lowering 10% of 1 of my meds I can say I have challenging times and experience a lot of triggers in the form of anger but still feel a better connection to myself and a general

sense of love for life. I am showing myself love and acceptance through all feelings and experiences and listen to myself more. I pursue the things that make me happy. These are things I’ve been practicing for a while but they are becoming easier. I meditate and listen to solfeggios almost daily. I make sure to close my eyes and focus on feelings of gratitude and love and I make sure to say what I love and what im grateful for out loud when I’m by myself. When I al feeling better I make sure I thank life out loud for the challenging times as they bring growth. I thank life for helping me increase my trust in myself and life. I thank life for having my back. I thank life for strong emotions because they bring me back to my body to communicate something with me and they usually bring the deepest, most revelatory, information on what needs love and healing. 
 

My worse rays are still PMS and best are ovulation days. Im getting better at surfing the changes. I have gotten better at seeing things more objectively and in general feel more satisfaction in life. This helps see things with more purpose even when in a horrible state of mind. Sometimes I don’t want to socialize or have a huge drive to do certain things but I don’t feel depressed. I feel peaceful overall. When Im down I don’t push myself too much to do things that don’t resonate and when I feel better I have a higher drive and take care if things. Flowing learning and using my mood and hormonal cycles has made things easier for me. I don’t feel the anxiety with the microdose now a days. Still taking reishi and lions mane about 5/6 days per week. I can say so far, all is good ❤️ 🙏🏼 ✨ 

 

(taking 6g of Lexapro and 96mg wellbutrin- still need to change signature)

 

How are you doing @Thorin?

That’s good that overall you’re doing ok and experiencing a lot of acceptance. It sounds like you’re really listening to your body which is great. Something I’m slowly learning to do. It’s also good you feel peace most days. It’s normal not to feel Ike socialising sometimes. I’m considering trying psilocybin to see if it helps. I’ve tried it before and found it very beneficial. Are the reishi and lion’s mane helping? Was reading about them this morning and considering giving it a go also.

[DazzlingCold]

On 12/6/2022 at 12:31 AM, Thorin said:

This is great to hear. Sounds like you’re immersing yourself in ‘be calm and curious’. I like it. Please keep updating. I’m curious to see whether the positive effects of the psilocybin wear off over time and you need to redose. Also, 5.8g? That’s a massive (heroic) dose. Did you have someone sitting for you?

I also had some delta 8 (legal mj in Texas) which I heard increased effects of psilocybin and may make the “trip” different? the ADd lower the effects of the psilocybin but Im sure you knew that. Just sharing In case those factors and info of my experience are of interest to you .

 

I did not have anyone with me. It was such a personal thing for me I wouldn’t have wanted anyone there. However, I have read of people going through such rough purging that holding someone’s hand kept them somewhat grounded through it. I personally have not had bad experiences with psilocybin. The worse has been some anxiety and crying but in a relieving way so even if it’s bad, it’s been good. Now that I know how things can turn, I would have my sister with me next time 😆. We never know what will be shown to us during these experiences and some support may be beneficial. 
 

I may have shared this before but I had episodes of crying where I had to throw myself to the floor in surrender of the sadness. And I felt pain for the Earth. My heart ached for the Earth. But it was such a neutral experience that even those moments were so “flowy” that it didn’t feel that bad. And that’s when it clicked- in a different level/way- sayings such as “suffering comes from resisting” or “we all feel pain but suffering is optional” or things along those lines. It was a beautiful experience in its neutrality. 
 

Im going to share something that I think is super interesting  (hoping no one gets bored)…

 

I have read that the Earth has a consciousness and shrooms amongst other plants are the wifi of the Earth. I have also read every plant medicine has its own “spirit” and different capacities to teach us different things. And I will tell you that after my experiences with psilocybin (macro and micro doses) I believe and feel this with all my being. There’s a sharing of mother Earth’s consciousness when we ingest what she gives. And the Earth’s frequency leads to more peace. (Look into reasons why radio frequency had to be changed when invented and what the radio frequency leads to. Its science and science is proving spirituality more and more making them as something that comes hand in hand with the other.) 

 

Every time I have a strong experience with shrooms, I feel for the Earth. I have become more appreciative and connected to all life in this planet. I feel and know with all my being that shrooms are, at least in some part, the consciousness of Mother Earth. Which explains why people that take plant medicine grow in their gratitude and empathy for nature. And realize we are also nature. 

[DazzlingCold]

8 minutes ago, Thorin said:

That’s good that overall you’re doing ok and experiencing a lot of acceptance. It sounds like you’re really listening to your body which is great. Something I’m slowly learning to do. It’s also good you feel peace most days. It’s normal not to feel Ike socialising sometimes. I’m considering trying psilocybin to see if it helps. I’ve tried it before and found it very beneficial. Are the reishi and lion’s mane helping? Was reading about them this morning and considering giving it a go also.

Lions mane, I read, helps strengthen the neural pathways that are bring built by psilocybin. Judging by how I feel lately, Id say they have helped. They are a bit stimulating so I take them in the am. Reishi works great for anxiety and sleep. My sleep quality has improved which, of course, leads to better mental health. And now that Im thinking about this, Ive had to take less melatonin at night and less often. (Except during pms). I gave my sister some one day she had super overwhelming anxiety and it knocked her out 😆. Id love to hear about your experience with shrooms when/if you choose to try it again. 

[DazzlingCold]

I also have to share @Thorinthat I restarted vitamin D every other day or so, and low amount of iron almost daily and my energy level has increased. And my sleep is better. I don’t feel as tired during the day 🙌 So a combination of all things I take are helping 

[Thorin]

8 minutes ago, DazzlingCold said:

may have shared this before but I had episodes of crying where I had to throw myself to the floor in surrender of the sadness. And I felt pain for the Earth. My heart ached for the Earth. But it was such a neutral experience that even those moments were so “flowy” that it didn’t feel that bad. And that’s when it clicked- in a different level/way- sayings such as “suffering comes from resisting” or “we all feel pain but suffering is optional” or things along those lines. It was a beautiful experience in its neutrality. 

Those periods of crying are likely you releasing emotions that needed to be released. Sounds almost like trauma work. Crying is good for you and part of the healing process. I have had psilocybin in the past and personally wouldn’t want to do it without someone there as an anchor but each person is different. I may try microdosing first to see how my body reacts and keep it at that for a while. If that helps I may consider a macro. See how I go. Slow and steady will be my approach though.

[Thorin]

1 minute ago, DazzlingCold said:

I also have to share @Thorinthat I restarted vitamin D every other day or so, and low amount of iron almost daily and my energy level has increased. And my sleep is better. I don’t feel as tired during the day 🙌 So a combination of all things I take are helping 

I took an iron tablet the other day. One of my biggest symptoms is lethargy and fatigue. Anything that gave me energy (in a healthy way) would be welcome at the moment. I spent so much of 2022 just lying on my bed. I’m sick of missing life.

[Thorin]

7 minutes ago, DazzlingCold said:

Lions mane, I read, helps strengthen the neural pathways that are bring built by psilocybin. Judging by how I feel lately, Id say they have helped. They are a bit stimulating so I take them in the am. Reishi works great for anxiety and sleep. My sleep quality has improved which, of course, leads to better mental health. And now that Im thinking about this, Ive had to take less melatonin at night and less often. (Except during pms). I gave my sister some one day she had super overwhelming anxiety and it knocked her out 😆. Id love to hear about your experience with shrooms when/if you choose to try it again. 

I’ll absolutely share on here if I try the psilocybin. I know peoples experience varies so much when we’re in WD but if there’s something that helps I’d want to share it. I need to find a good brand of reishi and lions mane here in Australia. I’ll have a look around.

[Thorin]

There’s a person on here ‘EWS’ who recently wrote her success story. Says a few psilocybin journeys healed her. Be interesting to see how she goes long term. Her psilo journeys were last year and she only wrote her success story yesterday or today…..

[DazzlingCold]

21 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I took an iron tablet the other day. One of my biggest symptoms is lethargy and fatigue. Anything that gave me energy (in a healthy way) would be welcome at the moment. I spent so much of 2022 just lying on my bed. I’m sick of missing life.

Oh gosh I really hear you! Oh 😆 i also take trace minerals in my water daily. Im sure thats helped all issues as well. (If it helps)

[DazzlingCold]

18 minutes ago, Thorin said:

There’s a person on here ‘EWS’ who recently wrote her success story. Says a few psilocybin journeys healed her. Be interesting to see how she goes long term. Her psilo journeys were last year and she only wrote her success story yesterday or today….

24 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I took an iron tablet the other day. One of my biggest symptoms is lethargy and fatigue. Anything that gave me energy (in a healthy way) would be welcome at the moment. I spent so much of 2022 just lying on my bed. I’m sick of missing life.

Hoping it gets better. It can be debilitating for sure

[DazzlingCold]

19 minutes ago, Thorin said:

There’s a person on here ‘EWS’ who recently wrote her success story. Says a few psilocybin journeys healed her. Be interesting to see how she goes long term. Her psilo journeys were last year and she only wrote her success story yesterday or today…..

Thanks for sharing. I want to read ir. What is “EWS”?

[Thorin]

30 minutes ago, DazzlingCold said:

Thanks for sharing. I want to read ir. What is “EWS”?

EWS was their name on here. I just searched EWS and found her success story. Let me know what you think.

[Soup]

@DazzlingColdhow are you tapering the Wellbutrin xl ? 

[DazzlingCold]

On 12/22/2022 at 11:22 PM, Soup said:

@DazzlingColdhow are you tapering the Wellbutrin xl ? 

Ho @Soup I believe I have a post about this. Let me find it and I will tag you. I am now getting Wellbutrin IR thank goodness. I did taper of Wellbutrin Xl for several months though. Let me find that info. How have you been?

[DazzlingCold]

On 12/22/2022 at 11:17 PM, Thorin said:

EWS was their name on here. I just searched EWS and found her success story. Let me know what you think.

Omg I loved it. I can relate to so ma y things and it definitely brings hope! Thanks for mentioning it. 

[DazzlingCold]

On 12/22/2022 at 11:22 PM, Soup said:

@DazzlingColdhow are you tapering the Wellbutrin xl ? 

Here you go…

 

I have been taking more precise doses of Wellbutrin xl made into liquid the following way…

  1. Cut pill in 1/2 (i cut 300mg XL pills I have, as doctors gladly prescribed those but didn’t want to help changing to IR)

For every 100mg of wellbutrin, I added 10ml of water

Put pills in water for about ~1.5 hours or until pill inside coat dissolves or comes out by pressing the coating, or I can easily peel it with my nails.

At that time, I take coating pieces out. If i leave them for too long in water, the coating layers start to come apart and dissolve too.

Let pills (now that coating is off) dissolve completely and added a pinch of salt. The black code on pills will linger in the solution.             Mixture looks a lot more homogeneous than saline solution with lexapro I take. 

So since I am taking 111mg per day, I used 3 300mg XL (to equate 900mg) pills for it to last 7 days. I cut them in half (so the inside dissolves) and put them in 90ml of water. I take 3.7ml 3/day.

[DazzlingCold]

Psychedelics (psilocybin) update….

It’s been a month and 3 days after psilocybin macrodose (11/28/2022). I am still on the psilocybin microdose cycle I started on 11/25/2022. The last drop of lexapro from 6.5mg to 6mg was on 11/30/2022. I started to feel it after 2/3 weeks or so on top of PMDD and the anger was BAD!! So the macrodose didn’t ameliorate my last PMS. However, I have been eating worse, not moving much and been consuming alcohol. Im sure that added to the feeling bad. i still struggle a lot with obsessive thoughts, attention and memory normally but specifically after reducing meds.

Now that I got my period though I feel better.

I think I will start doing the microtaper from brassmonkey (5% every 2 weeks or so), after I stabilize, to have the best life quality considering WD. 

[Altostrata]

Strongly recommend you not drink any alcohol, this can defeat your plan of coming off your drugs.

[DazzlingCold]

On 1/3/2023 at 7:35 PM, Altostrata said:

Strongly recommend you not drink any alcohol, this can defeat your plan of coming off your drugs.

Thank you 

[DazzlingCold]

On 1/3/2023 at 7:35 PM, Altostrata said:

Strongly recommend you not drink any alcohol, this can defeat your plan of coming off your drugs.

Curious, what do you mean exactly with "defeat your plan of coming off your drugs"? As in, alcohol messes with the brain as much as AD do because they are both neurotoxic?

[DazzlingCold]

On 1/3/2023 at 7:35 PM, Altostrata said:

Strongly recommend you not drink any alcohol, this can defeat your plan of coming off your drugs.

Curious, what do you mean exactly with "defeat your plan of coming off your drugs"? As in, alcohol messes with the brain as much as AD do because they are both neurotoxic?

[Altostrata]

Drinking alcohol while you're tapering can cause you to feel very sick, which probably will stop you from tapering further or even send you back to the doctor asking for more pills to fix your ills.

 

You'd be making your own problems.

[DazzlingCold]

On 1/4/2023 at 10:17 PM, Altostrata said:

Drinking alcohol while you're tapering can cause you to feel very sick, which probably will stop you from tapering further or even send you back to the doctor asking for more pills to fix your ills.

 

You'd be making your own problems.

On 1/4/2023 at 10:17 PM, Altostrata said:

Drinking alcohol while you're tapering can cause you to feel very sick, which probably will stop you from tapering further or even send you back to the doctor asking for more pills to fix your ills.

 

You'd be making your own problems.

Thank you

[DazzlingCold]

Mushroom Macrodose update (6 weeks after macrodose)

 

last lexapro reduction Nov 30th and macrodose Nov 28th

 

I am still sleeping better and without melatonin most times. I am also mostly tired but not in a horrible way. I did experience WD for about 2 weeks but like I had posted before, not sure how much of it was from drinking alcohol heavily. Not sure how things would have been different if I had not drank. Im almost sure though, they would have not been so hard 😆. yes, going to laugh about it now because why wouldn’t i? Haha

 

overall, I am feeling less motivated and see less purpose in things. HOWEVER, purpose is still very much alife. During my darkest times in this last reduction,  I had to just hold on feeling little purpose and hope but thankfully it is getting a little better day by day. And in general, Id say my sense of purpose through challenging times is still there…. At least enough for me to be able to hold on while I make it out if the waves and into the windows. 
 

I take the waves as opportunities to accept and accept my experiences even through social anxiety, general anxiety, depression, low self worth (however paradoxical this may be). Reminding myself these are experiences and not who I am helps immensely. Of course, during waves, neuro emotions and disregulation take over. And those days/times I tell myself that once it is over, I can accept that experience as well and I will forgive myself for any snapping or wrong decisions. Self compassion is still the greatest tool. I am not all knowing. My journey, mistakes, dark times are experiences needed for the development of my soul. 
 

Since I started becoming more aware of the subtle spiritual experiences, I have developed a habit of meditating which helps. Again, in the midst of waves, this may not work. I have noticed that the more I meditate and practice just being, the worse times lessen in frequency and intensity. But of course they don’t disappear. And I don’t expect they ever will. And I think a lot of this journey of mine is just that… accepting the dark as part of life to better navigate the pendulum to integrate those experiences and transcend them. And by transcending, I don’t mean to get rid of them at all. I mean to transcend as in resisting less so as to not move to far to either side of the pendulum.  
 

i saw this post on IG that I loved that explains this perfectly in a drawing. Its like a human shadow dragging itself to it’s human asking the human to take less meds and to integrate the shadow instead as that is what is needed. Fascinating! Most of is in here agree that psychiatric meds create dissociation. Well, as long as we are dissociated we cannot really heal because we are unable to see and integrate all the energies/facets that we experience in this life. But this is were Id love to applaud all of our efforts!!! 👏  Because I believe that whatever brought us (or at least me) to med WD I am sure was a powerful and divine intervention to truly heal (as much as possible anyways).

 

I am not trying to invalidate the pain of WD. But during my windows, I do feel grateful for the good and bad. And I know that the little realization in my head about how despite AD having helped somewhat, the discomfort of dissociation was not worth it, or the answer.

 

Love to all 

 

[DazzlingCold]

It’s been 2 months since my last AD reduction. It’s been rough. It gets rough when I go numb, living in auto pilot, feeling the pressure of emotions wanting to come out but not being able to release. That’s the part that is most difficult. It’s like I go in almost complete disconnection with myself. Once im able to cry, I go into surrender mode and im just there feeling blah but being ok with that. I try to release when I feel the pressure but I have not been able to. Moving, specially around nature, may grt the energy of emotions going.- not sure yet. I will see how it goes next reduction.

 However much the mushrooms have been helpful, the struggle is still real. 
A year ago I was such a different person. Its cray how much change cane with 2022 for me.
 

I stopped talking to my mom as she did something horrible continuously and im glad she did because it opened my eyes to how she belongs at a distance after 40 years of gaslighting, lying, hating, manipulation, bullying, putting down. And I left the guilt of not being able to have a closer relationship with her because she made that choice, not me. 
 

I come from ancestry that has rejected women (the femenine) for decades and generations. For 20 years Ive been looking for help to get better emotionally. I may die while I continue to grow and Im ok with that because maybe I am here to stop this pattern. Although, I may not have kids but Im standing up for myself and what I believe in so it’s all worthy.

 

I had a spiritual healing session based i healing the toxic loyalty my mom has with her family who also does all the things she did to me and if someone dare ask to be respected or create distance because they don’t, all kinds of labels come out which is what my mom’s mom probably went through as well. Generational trauma is carried in our genetics until it is healed. Psychology is now agreeing with spirituality on that. Im sure most have heard that. During my session, the lady stated she helped i tangle the energy (I don’t know what that means). But a couple of days after that session, I was able to cry. Been crying every day since. 
 

I had started, last year, to stop resisting things. I just didn’t have the energy to do it when I started tapering the meds. Now, I have gotten better at softening up when I start to feel tense. I just don’t find that tension worthy, or useful, anymore. Its a beauty surrender that comes with a lot of pain (reason part of me wants to resist). I feel like I want to die, like I can’t go on.  (Not suicidal) And then comes some relief.
 

I don’t know if its that energy healing session or WD, or both. But when I finally cry, I realize (once again as with every med reduction), that I lives very dissociated before. I still am but with every reduction I experience some actual healing. As if a ton of emotions were trapped in my body during, and before, I started AD. 20+ years of a lot

of unprocessed emotions, plus WD. 
 

Its interesting how social, and physical sciences are starting to prove a lot of spiritual stuff. The more I learn about energy and emotions, the more what I experience makes sense. I think its my 

obsession with spirituality that has helped me since last year. I have changed so much, it’s hard to catch up at times but Im grateful and happy for it.

 

I am almost vegan now (still at fish). I believe in astrology and love looking into the cosmic activity. My natal chart describes and explains so much of what I’ve experienced. I’ve gained a ton of appreciation for nature and space and ancient civilizations. Im all about woo woo stuff. I believe and use crystals in my daily meditations. I want to learn how to communicate with the souls of animals. I am embracing my sensitivity a lot more and guarding it by setting more boundaries and choosing those who also find value in them, and are respectful. I watch spiritual and quantum physics things everyday. I believe in some conspiracy theories and I deemed outlandish before. Im embracing being seen as crazy or being unaccepted. I believe in angels, guides, and numerology. I believe in the help Plant medicine, specially psychedelics. 
 

December 2021 I was someone who thought everything I am now was crazy. Not saying who I was before, or who I am now, is good, or bad, its just a HUGE change. And that’s just want I wanted to write and reflect on today. I sure am happy about this new life Ive created because it’s been the ground Ive been holding on to through WD and im sure it will be the foundation of the next few years, if not more, for me. 

 

[DazzlingCold]

Today I just can’t. I feel SO depressed and burnt out. Everything hurts (emotionally). Social anxiety has been back intermittently, cog fog is ver obvious, feeling overwhelmed most of the time. Last time I reduced meds was November 2022. I don’t know what to do. I was thinking last time I felt like this, I reduced Wellbutrin by 5% and things improved after I stabilized but im afraid aa things are getting worse.  I should problaby stay were I am at. Working is getting harder.

the only good thing i see from this is that I am being forced to set my boundaries more and air my truth which leaks my energy when not expressed in a healthy way. Im creating a stringer connection to my body so I may respect what it needs to help myself. Im better understanding when/where/why Im tense and how to release. Crying is the only release most times and I can’t do that at work and I’ve been missing enough days. I wish I had the whole day just to cry.

Hugs to all going through the same.

 

[DazzlingCold]

Today I just can’t. I feel SO depressed and burnt out. Everything hurts (emotionally). Social anxiety has been back intermittently, cog fog is ver obvious, feeling overwhelmed most of the time. Last time I reduced meds was November 2022. I don’t know what to do. I was thinking last time I felt like this, I reduced Wellbutrin by 5% and things improved after I stabilized but im afraid aa things are getting worse.  I should problaby stay were I am at. Working is getting harder.

the only good thing i see from this is that I am being forced to set my boundaries more and air my truth which leaks my energy when not expressed in a healthy way. Im creating a stringer connection to my body so I may respect what it needs to help myself. Im better understanding when/where/why Im tense and how to release. Crying is the only release most times and I can’t do that at work and I’ve been missing enough days. I wish I had the whole day just to cry.

Hugs to all going through the same.

 

Had to take the reat of this week off from work because its so hard. THINKING ABOUT REINSTATING LEXAPRO FROM 6mg to 6.5. Thoughts anyone?? All feedback is appreciated.

@Onmyway

[DazzlingCold]

On 3/15/2023 at 12:40 PM, DazzlingCold said:

Today I just can’t. I feel SO depressed and burnt out. Everything hurts (emotionally). Social anxiety has been back intermittently, cog fog is ver obvious, feeling overwhelmed most of the time. Last time I reduced meds was November 2022. I don’t know what to do. I was thinking last time I felt like this, I reduced Wellbutrin by 5% and things improved after I stabilized but im afraid aa things are getting worse.  I should problaby stay were I am at. Working is getting harder.

the only good thing i see from this is that I am being forced to set my boundaries more and air my truth which leaks my energy when not expressed in a healthy way. Im creating a stringer connection to my body so I may respect what it needs to help myself. Im better understanding when/where/why Im tense and how to release. Crying is the only release most times and I can’t do that at work and I’ve been missing enough days. I wish I had the whole day just to cry.

Hugs to all going through the same.

 

Had to take the reat of this week off from work because its so hard. THINKING ABOUT REINSTATING LEXAPRO FROM 6mg to 6.5. Thoughts anyone?? All feedback is appreciated.

@Onmyway

@Rhiannon

[DazzlingCold]

Just now, DazzlingCold said:

@Rhiannon

@Altostrata

[Altostrata]

On 3/14/2023 at 8:37 AM, DazzlingCold said:

the only good thing i see from this is that I am being forced to set my boundaries more and air my truth which leaks my energy when not expressed in a healthy way. Im creating a stringer connection to my body so I may respect what it needs to help myself. Im better understanding when/where/why Im tense and how to release.

 

Are you working with a therapist to better understand yourself and your emotions as you come off your psychiatric cocktail?

 

Basically, the only times we recommend an updose are when people have withdrawal symptoms. You have not reported withdrawal symptoms.

 

We are not in a position to advise you that you need an antidepressant to cope with your emotional symptoms, that's up to you.

[DazzlingCold]

On 3/19/2023 at 4:59 PM, Altostrata said:

 

Are you working with a therapist to better understand yourself and your emotions as you come off your psychiatric cocktail?

 

Basically, the only times we recommend an updose are when people have withdrawal symptoms. You have not reported withdrawal symptoms.

 

We are not in a position to advise you that you need an antidepressant to cope with your emotional symptoms, that's up to you.

Im experiencing a LOT of anxiety, fear of falling asleep, high irritability, obsessive thoughts, major cog fog, fatigue, lack of desire to live at times (no suicidal ideation), overwhelm even when dealing with minor things, indecision. Feels and looks like protracted withdrawal symptoms. 

[Altostrata]

What drugs are you taking now, at what times o'clock and dosages?

 

If tapering makes you too anxious, suggest you stop tapering until you feel more confident about it.

[DazzlingCold]

On 3/28/2023 at 7:41 PM, Altostrata said:

What drugs are you taking now, at what times o'clock and dosages?

 

If tapering makes you too anxious, suggest you stop tapering until you feel more confident about it.

Only thing that was different is prednisone for severe allergies and asthma 20mg in the morning and 10mg at lunchtime. That was for 1 week, but still feeling all the symptoms I described that seem like PAWS. 
 

[Altostrata]

Strongly recommend you review adverse effects of prednisone and take care not to confuse adverse reactions to other drugs with withdrawal symptoms from tapering bupropion or Lexapro.

[DazzlingCold]

Ive had several rough months not enjoying anything. For the past month ive been wanting to just stay in bed. Coffee hasnt been helping and going to work is becoming harder. I have thought about going back on my full dose and then i remember it takes time for the nervous system to heal. But how long? My relationships are being affected and the quality of my life has decreased significantly. I have to force myself to do most things. Hygiene is down by a lot as well. The lense in which I see life is very negative and im hating on others a lot. My wanting to stop existing is increasing in frequency. (no suicidal ideation)

 

I remember how much easier my life was before and the only thing that keeps me committed to this journey of at least staying at the doses im at is the hope to be closer to myself (not disociate like under meds). But I don’t know. I had a sense of empowerment when I was on a full dose.

 

anyways, I may give this time and reassess. 

[Altostrata]

What drugs are you taking now, at what times o'clock and dosages?

 

You have been taking psychiatric drugs for more than 20 years. What we've seen is that emotional anesthesia is a very common legacy of this. In addition, a history of frequent neurologically active drug changes can cause long-term effects that will very slowly go away.