whatamess: citalopram, Wellbutrin and trazodone

[whatamess]

Hello all you lovely people,

 

I'm a 29 year old, white, cis-woman from Canada. This is my first time posting on any site like this. And, this may be shocking, my psychiatrist is the one who suggested I do it. She is actually a wonderful woman who fully acknowledges the evils of psychiatry and how much damage pharmaceuticals have caused me and others. She acknowledges that she operates from a place of very limited information about the impacts of these drugs, and is very supportive of whatever direction I want to take my healthcare in. Anyway, here is a bit of my history ...

 

- Difficult (yet privileged) childhood

- Got into drugs during teen years

- Went to residential substance use treatment at end of teens

- Given Trazodone and Citalopram in 2011, stopped taking in 2012 with no issues

- Abusive ex gets out of jail in 2014, I begin having debilitating panic attacks and agoraphobia. Go to hospital because I think I'm going crazy, they give me Seroquel and Ativan which calms me down but doesn't fix the situation, of course. This was my first experience with any kind of mental health issue, even through addiction I didn't experience anxiety or depression.

- 2014 I go to short term, residential psychiatric facility because I couldn't function from anxiety attacks. Had to drop out of school and take time off work. Put on Citalopram, Ativan as needed, Trazodone for sleep, and Wellbutrin to counter side effects of Citalopram. Stabilized and resumed life.

- 2017 attempted to taper off Wellbutrin through doctor's orders of "skip a day" tapering. Horrible experience, intense derealization, suicidality, mood swings, feeling like I would lose my mind. Again, time off school and work. Doctor reinstated the Wellbutrin. Derealization has come and gone since this attempt to get off Wellbutrin, even after reinstating. 

- 2018 panic attacks come back. Put on Clonazepam. Anxiety goes away. After a year on Clonazepam, I realize I'm on so many psych drugs when I don't want/need to be on any. Take a year to taper the Clonazepam in half. Another year to get off it completely. Coped with Neurofeedback, some supplements, exercise, talking. Did experience withdrawal (mostly nocturnal panic attacks) but nothing life-ruining. 

- 2021 begin tapering Citalopram from 20mg to nothing over the course of 18 months. Tapering Wellbutrin 5mg every 2 weeks at the same time through a compounding pharmacy. I began feeling better on lower doses of these drugs.

- 2022, June: off Citalopram completely for three weeks. Feeling great. No anxiety, sleeping well, sex drive is back, feeling more and more present and less derealization. Feeling my emotions, good, bad and ugly, and happy to have them back. Compounding pharmacy couldn't fill my Wellbutrin before I left for a trip and I was already down to 40mg, so I figured I'd be fine to go off that too. Mistake. After being off everything for three weeks, psychiatrist diagnoses me with ADD and prescribes Ritalin. I take a minuscule dose, 5mg, and after it wears off begin feeling the worse derealization I've ever experienced, borderline psychosis. Extremely distressed. It lasts for three days before I caved and reinstated the Citalopram and Wellbutrin at low doses.

- 2022, July: the entire month, I'm experiencing the side effects of going back on Citalopram and Wellbutrin. I regret going back on them. Nausea, headaches, issues sleeping, tremors, no sex drive, extreme brain fog... I've been on 5mg Citalopram and 40mg Wellbutrin for 6 weeks now. I feel better than I did in June when the derealization got bad, but still not feeling well at all. The plan is to taper off one at a time in a few months.

 

Currently, I am experiencing these effects from the drugs:

- excessive sweating

- derealization/dissociation

- confusion (I woke up one night and couldn't remember what I did for work for about five minutes)

- no sex drive

- passive suicidal ideation (I don't want to die at all, but these thoughts pop into my head)

- nausea and low appetite

- difficulty with self-care or even feeding myself

- low motivation

- headaches

- memory loss

- feeling like I'm on autopilot 

- feeling empty and purposeless despite having a loving family and network of friends and a successful career

 

If you've read all this, thank-you, I appreciate you. Any feedback from any one, and specifically people with experience coming off Wellbutrin (I don't know why, but it's so hard for me) would be really appreciated. I get stuck in the mindset that I'll feel this messed up forever and that I'm doomed. I read the success/recovery/healing stories on here and it gives me a lot of hope. 

 

 

[Frogie]

@whatamess

 

Welcome to SA. We are a volunteer ran site helping people taper off psychiatric medications or have tapered off and are now healing.

 

This is your introduction page where you will receive information, ask questions and meet other members. We ask that you only have one introduction page so we can keep all your information in one place.

 

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications:

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

Here are some links that you may find useful:

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Tips for tapering off buproprion (Wellbutrin, SR, XR, XL)

 

Tips for tapering off citalopram (Celexa)

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

 

Unfortunately, after you reinstate, it takes time for your body to regulate and your system to get used to the dose again. 

 

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

Stabilising After a Reduction - What Does That Mean?

Withdrawal Normal Description

 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Yoga for Nausea - Allannah at YogaYin  

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, emotional numbness

 

 

We don't suggest supplements on here except two as they can be very stimulating. But if you would like to try these, try one on a small amount and wait a few days before introducing the other.

 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

 

After you have read the links provided, please reach out with any questions you may have. 

 

 

 

Edited August 12, 2022 by Frogie