manymoretodays: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

January 10, 2023

In other news..... Well it's a wet snow now. And I'll tackle it. On my ski's. New goggles too now. The over the glasses type. Oh boy. LOL. They might double as being used when my eyes get screen tired too. I don't know.

I've recently re-visited my Yoga teacher training materials too. And thankful. Can do more, at my own pace now. It was originally a Zoom class, begun during the height of Covid. And Zoom, for that, was really difficult then. As well as.......I didn't want to admit I think, but I just really wasn't ready then for studentship either.

So anyway........this is good.

It might. Or might not. Preclude getting that PT job real soon. I mean I've realized I need to work hard on committment lately, and discipline......self discipline. And just get better at staying on top of my own general health too. Time for the annual blood work. And yah.......mammogram, colonoscopy(it's been 10 years.....unbelievable). And so many things to pursue. My passion is back for some long lost pursuits of the creative variety. And the volunteer committments are even still enticing and those are so very plentiful......it's ridiculous. Thankful for stipends, those things that offer a stipend anyway.......

Sure, yes......inflation, and ever so thankful, for a small inheritance of which I'm wisely making use of........some for the real deal retirement........which if I have my way......will be never. Of course at some age one no longer works for pay I guess.......but I still believe I will again. Find a little extra income in something.

So......still pretty dark a lot of the days of winter around here. Oh but the light shines inside. Oh it does.

Things are going well.

Best. L, P, H, and G,

mmt

May 6, 2023

Hi @manymoretodays I just wanted to pop by your success story and tell you that I read your whole intro thread and how much it has inspired me. So many common themes - always thinking about downsizing from the house where my kids grew up, kids that also have their emotional issues, gaining and losing cherished pets, isolating, wanting to find the creative side, struggling under the weight of home maintenance and many other things. I also lost my Mum at age 94 in 2021. Nicotine! I've been on the gum/lozenges/spray for about 5 years. Just can't stop! Yoga, walking, nature etc. I've also liked how you've been using First Nations treatments like sweat lodges. It's inspired me to find out about equivalent things in my country - so much wisdom to be found in indigenous cultures.

Anyway, thanks for being here mmt and sharing your story, struggles and successes so generously. You do so much good and I have much admiration and affection for you. I hope you can find some solid PT work soon.

Fifree

May 6, 2023

Thanks for relating Fifree. Reading.

Lodge/Inipi tomorrow. Want and need to. As it correlates with the death anniversary, 5 years- of a dear friend from that aspect of my belief system and practices. And it is so cleansing and re-birthing of sorts. I may ask the water pourer if I can sit facing West, after letting them know what I am bringing in to this lodge. Who and what I am bringing in.

I'll do my best to send out, with everything I've got.......healing vibes to you all here in the trenches of healing.

1st of 3 death anniversaries this month.

I remember fondly.

Edited May 6, 2023 by manymoretodays

May 24, 2023

Hi there @manymoretodays Just popping in to wish you a happy day☀️

June 9, 2023

Thank you for yelling your story, it really helps us all. I guess you had prémenstrual dysphoric disorder, at a time where doctors didn’t know a thing about it… women still get misdiagnosed bipolar when really they have PMDD. I have PMDD since withdrawals. I’m in that bad phase today…

Anyway thank you 🌷

June 9, 2023

Yep, tis possible. I'm late stage waving at this point too.

So, will tell a bit of a story around a bird who is trapped in my window well.

Yesterday I discovered a small bird in a window well at the back of my house. Window wells are the dug out portion outside of a basement or cellar or underground section of a house. This one is lined and has some ivy growing in it. The surrounding area is a jungle now........just a strip really, but completely overgrown, as we've been blessed with tremendous water this year.......rain, and melting snow.

The baby bird's flock are of a large variety and I have been wondering why, lately........ they are all so squawky. They have been really loud when my cat buddy Sphinxy, goes out the door and then to an outside door from the garage/closed car area. Wowee, it's stressful. One actually flew inside the garage today to admonish us......and perhaps ask for help. Just barely inside.......and out again......very menacing though.......this huge blue bird. I was startled and afraid.

I don't believe I should touch the little fellow......as it may then not be welcomed back to the nest. It doesn't appear injured, yet would need to fly like a helicopter to get out.

I've made a ladder out of tree branches in hopes it will climb out. And have noted a parent bird hovering with food to share. And I will offer bird seed later today, after trying again to figure out a way to get the baby bird out, and free to join the flock again. I don't necessarily want to feed it myself, but also don't want it to perish down there.

I hope I can save it. I know I likely can. Meantime, Sphinxy is restricted to the front of the house/our home if even that.

The bird story.

And yeah. Got to the more central city to my doctors office to get my blood work done prior to my Well Child/adult check up in 2 weeks. Finally. And with the help of Sun/son. The freeway was intense and I am glad I asked for his help, as everything is just lately.........maybe 6 weeks of........really difficult. My nerves. Oh my, my nerves. I do expect to bounce back.......just don't know when....... I know I am resilient and the proverbial bouncing ball of sorts. Really do need to get my health anxiety under control in the meantime.

Well, that helped me, likely more than anyone. I sure hope to get my old voice back soon. It's maybe the trauma work lately.......or just is. It's tough when I get thrown backward.

Love, peace, healing, and growth

Cheers to getting the baby bird out safe soon!

June 9, 2023

39 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Yep, tis possible. I'm late stage waving at this point too.

So, will tell a bit of a story around a bird who is trapped in my window well.

Yesterday I discovered a small bird in a window well at the back of my house. Window wells are the dug out portion outside of a basement or cellar or underground section of a house. This one is lined and has some ivy growing in it. The surrounding area is a jungle now........just a strip really, but completely overgrown, as we've been blessed with tremendous water this year.......rain, and melting snow.

The baby bird's flock are of a large variety and I have been wondering why, lately........ they are all so squawky. They have been really loud when my cat buddy Sphinxy, goes out the door and then to an outside door from the garage/closed car area. Wowee, it's stressful. One actually flew inside the garage today to admonish us......and perhaps ask for help. Just barely inside.......and out again......very menacing though.......this huge blue bird. I was startled and afraid.

I don't believe I should touch the little fellow......as it may then not be welcomed back to the nest. It doesn't appear injured, yet would need to fly like a helicopter to get out.

I've made a ladder out of tree branches in hopes it will climb out. And have noted a parent bird hovering with food to share. And I will offer bird seed later today, after trying again to figure out a way to get the baby bird out, and free to join the flock again. I don't necessarily want to feed it myself, but also don't want it to perish down there.

I hope I can save it. I know I likely can. Meantime, Sphinxy is restricted to the front of the house/our home if even that.

The bird story.

And yeah. Got to the more central city to my doctors office to get my blood work done prior to my Well Child/adult check up in 2 weeks. Finally. And with the help of Sun/son. The freeway was intense and I am glad I asked for his help, as everything is just lately.........maybe 6 weeks of........really difficult. My nerves. Oh my, my nerves. I do expect to bounce back.......just don't know when....... I know I am resilient and the proverbial bouncing ball of sorts. Really do need to get my health anxiety under control in the meantime.

Well, that helped me, likely more than anyone. I sure hope to get my old voice back soon. It's maybe the trauma work lately.......or just is. It's tough when I get thrown backward.

Love, peace, healing, and growth

Cheers to getting the baby bird out safe soon!

Why do you post success story if you are not fully healed ?

June 9, 2023

Because I am going the distance @Venividivici

And wish to be honest, transparent, and all that.........

On 11/16/2012 at 9:24 AM, Altostrata said:

This forum is for success stories about recovery from withdrawal syndrome.

If your withdrawal syndrome is completely resolved -- you've been off ALL drugs for a year -- please open a topic for yourself here.

Summarize who you are (age, medications you quit, your taper strategy) and, looking back, the pattern of your recovery, including how long each stage took, what helped you heal, and what you've learned from the experience.

And I know this too, will pass.

Keeping the spirit of hope alive for my full year, or ...........making the best of it in the meantime.

Acceptance.

Iatrogenic changes now, harms if you like that better- I don't. Healing still from my brain injury/change.

I don't look at it so much as WD anymore.

Maybe this is just life now, for me. Life has waves.

It was just time for me to write this.......back in October. Maybe I was wrong about that.

(And hey.......I'm okay if members'/staff vote me out of a Success Story.......it's a work in progress. I hope you don't but, okay, if you feel I need to go back to my Introduction.....)

Wishing all the best.

Sorry if this brought you any distress Venividivici. I could also just hide my Success Story, if that serves you better. You'll heal too I'm sure.

Love, peace, healing, and growth

Keep going! ❤️

June 9, 2023

7 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Because I am going the distance @Venividivici

And wish to be honest, transparent, and all that.........

And I know this too, will pass.

Keeping the spirit of hope alive for my full year, or ...........making the best of it in the meantime.

Acceptance.

Iatrogenic changes now, harms if you like that better- I don't. Healing still from my brain injury/change.

I don't look at it so much as WD anymore.

Maybe this is just life now, for me. Life has waves.

It was just time for me to write this.......back in October. Maybe I was wrong about that.

(And hey.......I'm okay if members'/staff vote me out of a Success Story.......it's a work in progress. I hope you don't but, okay, if you feel I need to go back to my Introduction.....)

Wishing all the best.

Sorry if this brought you any distress Venividivici. I could also just hide my Success Story, if that serves you better. You'll heal too I'm sure.

Love, peace, healing, and growth

Keep going! ❤️

I have trouble navigating this site. I thought all stories in this section were for complete recovery. You have made progress I am sure. What symptoms you have still?

June 9, 2023

none that I attribute to WD or protracted WD syndrome at this point

And you'll get it......find your way around, find your way to feeling like you've successfully healed.

I am, however, just really spent and exhausted lately........and so.......thank you.........as I try and try to take a break from site, and moderation duties......and it's hard........but maybe you helped me break off for awhile more fully. Needed after 7 years(oops. 9 years) on my beloved life boat here, and over 5 moderating.

I hope you find many members/staff to commune with in the meantime, and much support, and hope. I do. You'll learn so much I'm sure, and be able to help many here and elsewhere. All good.

I think I need to rest now. Working on that bird or getting it out of the window well with Will a little while ago. And will get back to it at dusk. I'm just really PTS ing, I think. So, so fragile. Working on some of my stuff, from long before these medications/drugs and psychiatry. It's good work. And time for that.

I can't wait to post when I feel more established on the other side of some of my pre-drug/meds problems/traumas.

I've got a lot of work to do. And soon........it won't feel so darn painful......this I know.

Take care new friend and traveler!

Edited June 12, 2023 by manymoretodays
corrections on times......oof, such brain drain lately

June 9, 2023

14 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

none that I attribute to WD or protracted WD syndrome at this point

And you'll get it......find your way around, find your way to feeling like you've successfully healed.

I am, however, just really spent and exhausted lately........and so.......thank you.........as I try and try to take a break from site, and moderation duties......and it's hard........but maybe you helped me break off for awhile more fully. Needed after 7 years on my beloved life boat here, and 5 moderating.

I hope you find many members/staff to commune with in the meantime, and much support, and hope. I do. You'll learn so much I'm sure, and be able to help many here and elsewhere. All good.

I think I need to rest now. Working on that bird or getting it out of the window well with Will a little while ago. And will get back to it at dusk. I'm just really PTS ing, I think. So, so fragile. Working on some of my stuff, from long before these medications/drugs and psychiatry. It's good work. And time for that.

I can't wait to post when I feel more established on the other side of some of my pre-drug/meds problems/traumas.

I've got a lot of work to do. And soon........it won't feel so darn painful......this I know.

Take care new friend and traveler!

I am sorry I did not mean to be negative or discourage you. I apologize truly

June 10, 2023

No need to apologize Venevidici. Absolutely none. I get where you are at now.....I do. I really do, and absolutely no harm done. I know where you were coming from and get it. I wish I had not responded(reacted). I'll keep trying, at every opportunity, to learn and grow.

We got the bird out of the window well and back up in the trees! It was wonderful. Thank you neighbor Will.

(just a follow up to my previous entry here)

And I'll see you around when I am next around. Meantime, keep healing, keep it real. And non-reactive. And kind. And I say this all to myself, and anyone who needs it too.

June 11, 2023

Wish you rest and recovery @manymoretodays☕️🫖🌳🌼🛋🛏📖📚🛀📺🏝⛵️🎼🥤🥗🌊☀️✨🌻🤗💛

June 17, 2023

The birds are still being quite nasty to my cat Sphinxy everytime she goes out. Squawkers and one keeps flying in the garage threshold to admonish her. Poor Sphinxy. She's being bullied. And I am 90% certain she was not responsible for the youngster bird who got trapped in the window well. AND we did the best we could and got young birdie back out in the trees.......rescued the little fellow and got it back to the flock without touching it. I won't know until likely next Spring if it made it. I can't get into that area of trees now to check. Sphinx is more house cat, but loves getting her outside time in too now......not at all a bird attack cat......pretty mellow.

And reporting back on my recent change in perspective after I attended a really good conference the past 2 days. A peer conference. "Transformational Storytelling" was the keynote, and just so good on so many levels. I gained new knowledge. And made a few more good connections, even while attending virtually. This was a gathering of peers local to my State. Some certified, some not.......and from all areas from which they are healing and helping others while they do it. It just renewed something in me. Mainly......we are all in this thing called life together........to be one, to understand and help each other out......no matter what our differences may be. It was pretty diverse......as far as what people are recovering from, and cultures. So many have set up their own local organizations now too. So. I now have a improved list of who I can refer other humans too in my local area, if it is just something where I suspect they might benefit from interaction with someone who has gone through something like they have. Just other humans. I don't work for pay, or for any organizations really........but have been doing some peer stuff on the ground for a long time. We all do. Really.

Anyway.....a change in perspective, a shift was so very needed for this one. I am thankful. Always on this journey to further healing and always nice to enjoy myself and connect with others along the way.

Love, peace, healing, and growth 💜

August 25, 2023

Just reporting in. And I have had a couple of really good months, since my last post.

My home internet went down for a lengthy period. Now restored. But that WAS an experience.

Good and bad. On the good......I mean I was unplugged a lot more than usual and I developed some new, good habits. It wasn't quite a full 6 weeks.....I mean I know "they" say it takes 6 weeks to change bad habits.......but, I still often get meditative prior to getting online. Instead of I used to get online to distract and busy away some feelings. I mean I might even do some great first thing in the morning routines now, that I was lacking.

For me that is good. My post drug tendency is to wake up not in the greatest mood. And while that might occur still.....I find myself quickly drifting to better thoughts....on my own, outside of myself thoughts......so that part has been great. I maybe, did a bit more "getting out there in person" type stuff too. I don't know if that had to do with my home internet outage really or if it was more a natural progression of this season and summer and all. It's been a slow recovery from the heights of Covid for me. I did not have it, or have not had any variants of it,....... but a slow progression out of the isolation it imposed on us all at some point. While I do cherish and like my alone time......it's just better balanced now. Because I love people too. I'm a part people person.

Through it all I think I did learn some assertive skills. Just assertive. No barbed, over bearing-ness........just decent communication skills. Inter-weaved with a ton of frustration, but still. So I learned. I hope it stays with me. Because all that sailor swearing, inner frustration only really hurts me......and doesn't get anything done any faster. (sometimes the swearing makes me laugh though and breaks the frustration cycle which is good.....but I sure hope none of the neighbors heard me too, oh well I am who I am, and I ain't who I ain't)

The bad. Well most can guess at it. Oh man.......my frustration went to new limits with my provider of internet and all those communications!!! Not all in a way that I am proud of. Swearing like a sailor at robotic bots is just not my idea of where I want to be. And do you know, they hear you/me........or sense when the customer is just not being good and patient. Everything slows or the call gets cut. For real.

And how much I rely on home internet.....and my worries went sky high. Alas, I learned to used my android phone for a lot more. With it's little teeny screen and play typewriter.

I likely read more books.

Overall. I am into some real good stability right now. Got all my health concerns addressed and will write more on that too. Update. Overall though, woah- so thankful for my health as it is now. Pretty good, not bad and sound of mind and spirit.

Okay. I need to run, back later, soon....... Later alligators. I still love...... and do miss this site if I don't frequent it enough.......keep the right balance

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt, feeling 100% healed today and it is so worth it, the wait, the time(if you have a rough WD like I did) I don't always feel 100% because that's just me, you know. I mean I'll have some days where it feels less, or I over dwell on the "what ifs"...........and/or I just get angry about the state of things.......hopefully moving to a useful kind of anger though.......that I can put to work.

August 25, 2023

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

mmt, feeling 100% healed today

Beautiful update, MMT.

August 30, 2023

Dear @manymoretodays, lovely to read your update. I’m so happy to read you’re feeling stable now. I wanted to thank you too for your kind words on my thread🧡

September 5, 2023

You as well @Carmie Your kind words while it is still such a tough go for you right now. Such courage Carmie! I gain strength from you. I do.

September 9, 2023

Morning to afternoon, and you know, this turned out lengthy........don't feel like you need to read it all.......may be more for me, good therapy-typing is fun, and or might be something helpful, and also historic as I see myself at different times here and in my Introduction,

I want to update with my recent medical. And yowser, it seems like the preventative testing overflow-eth once one gets over 60 years of age.

I do still need to get my 10 year, colonoscopy. I did do the Cologuard......mail in (poop sample)🙊......so that was dumb AND kind of icky too, as now I go for the colonoscopy. In my own sweet time. Just a few red blood cells in the sample, and so......on we go. I'm not freaking out or feeling real worried or anything..... No problem with that last time, or with the anesthetic(propofol). I was still medicated then too, more than 10 years back.

Mammogram fine.

Dexoscan with a little osteopenia....teeny tiny though. (it's the before to osteoporosis) Doc gave me a new supplement to add in, AlgaeCal plus, brand name, and no I'm not promoting or anything. It's got a ton of other stuff besides Ocean Algae in it seems to be the secret ingrediant. So now.....I don't get it, doesn't my doctor hear me when I tell him, and repeat over again......what I do take with supplements? I do like my doctor, maybe it's the only thing out there. He does listen, and I've had him for more than a decade now, likely 20 + years. Good doctor! It's got C, D, Mag oxide, Ca, and K2 in there. The Calcium and Mag is the *AlgaeCal. So.....this needs further study. By me. I take all that other stuff, and have for quite some time, with the exception of Ca. Mine are all single ingredients though.

My blood work was good, some things even better than before- the fats and trigycerides being one, something else improved.......hmmm

I was wondering about anemia, as I had been feeling off, and fatigued beyond normal, etc. For awhile too, like from February thru May/early June even.

Well.....my Vit D was low and so I upped what I take of that. I wasn't even taking the full recommended amount, and usually decreased it in the longer sunlight days seasons. Interesting.

I've had it up again for awhile and overall yah, a bit more good energy I think......so that's great. Summer hasn't always been my season in the recent decade, although it used to be in my youth, as did Fall. No rhyme or reason to why that shifts with me.

This year though.........it has been a good summer, a well summer.........beginning early June for me.

Still......sometimes it does feel like a "come back" of sorts.........coming back from a place of darkness and disorganization. Usually proceeded by feeling "overwhelmed" both emotionally and with commitments.

I will proceed not with caution, but with awareness I think....... and do seem to remember to NOT say yes to everything. And better prioritize what is really most important now too. Maybe due to some aging.......as well as some still iatrogenic changes from the drugs, especially that tardive dysphoria possibility.....(again......I'm going with hope that I won't be plagued with it forever and ever). Maybe some something, neuro diverse in me all along?? Relearning social or am I learning for the first time ?? What I can and what is harder to tolerate.

Doing okay though, some days I feel and allow myself to feel 100% healed and that's big! As I've always tended towards being a bit negative or pessimistic when it comes to me, and esteem, and confidence and all. I am also becoming my own Loving Parent. Very cool, my parent inside me now.

I've added ACA and Alanon to my life and good timing to do that, first ACA and just recently Alanon. I did get prompted by a friend to try ACA, and had been wanting to get to Alanon for awhile......again prompted....... by a friends demise I suppose. And I felt so helpless to help......oh, it's so hard sometimes to let go while still loving people who are troubled. I love troubled people! And that's okay, as long as I take care of me. So learning how to do that better.

Current new books- The Tao of Fully Feeling- Harvesting forgiveness out of blame by Pete Walker, library paperback....my library is cool however and I can just keep renewing, unless someone else wants it.....no late fines anymore, at all.

And.....hard cover- my very own copy...... the Myth of Normal, Trauma, Illness and Healing In a Toxic Culture by Gabor Mate, MD with Daniel Mate

I'm carrying about 10 more lbs. than I used too, maybe a bit more, which may be okay(it doesn't put me close to obesity) and seemed to come on when I quit smoking after awhile and does seem persistent. Maybe I'll lose some.....we'll see. I'm mainly working to just maintain now, rather than lose. I walk, occasional swim/laps and pool yoga that I made up, and some yoga mat time at home, ski in season.........and that all seems about right for me now. I do once in awhile feel like going in and doing weight training at the gym- I liked it way back, those machines they have and gradually increasing your work outs. More likely that I might do more yoga classes, go to a nearby studio, and take advantage of the few at my gym too.

Not huge changes in my diet as yet. My morning most often is blender concoctions, pretty similar ones too- spinach, blueberries, sometimes bone broth protein powder(if I haven't done red meat in awhile), yogurt, banana, less cranberry juice now as the main fluid in it, and more variety in the Simply Juices brand, carrot juice once in a while. And that can hold me pretty well.....more clarity and well being feeling. I will do regular old breakfast stuff, once in awhile.......sometimes for dinner, and yah......I do travel by car anyway... with blender and cooler........it's worth it to me.

I borrowed a blender from my cousin when I last went to Minnesota too. One doesn't need expensive equipment either to do this.

I started this shortly after I came here and it has served me well.

The other meals or snacks I try to just think about anyway.......as far as what I buy to have at home, or when I eat out.

And it may be time to research further, one- I don't like taking so many supplements.......and wonder if I can get more in my food that my body likes......probably stuff that every body needs that just might not be in our current food sources anymore. I don't know......working on learning more.

My biggest concern was my lower leg/feet circulation and wanting to find out if that was venous or arterial related and if it needed a specialist look yet. So I got some blood vessel ultrasounds done, carotid AND lower legs. My doc thought it was more like PAD, peripheral artery disease and so, good to know.......some plague(?plaque) was evident......DARN!

No need for specialist yet. And of course my feet turning blue is less of a problem during the warm months. So some relief. I finally took a picture, so my doc could have it on file and see it. I also sent one to my sister.........and asked "wouldn't you freak out if your lower legs and feet sometimes did this?" She agreed, that yes.......I could freak out. I called it health anxiety and pursued it and it does feel better to know I'm not at risk of limb loss immediately or anything. On the good side, no neuropathy at all, full feeling to my feet. And always, even when dusky......good capillary refill, medium with my pulses down in my feet.

May not have any relation to my past history with psych drugs. I don't know. Some of the other above too. It's hard to know after awhile.

Okay, and finally........my hormonal friends will be interested in this part. So, I have continued on bioidentical hormones since perimenopause and continuing. When I first arrived here, I cut them in half......being concerned, scared, and wondering how much a role they played in my instability. I've always been on a little precursor to both progesterone and estrogen. At some point my doc added in DHEA.....little bit. And again I let him know I cut down on the dose too, at some point. They are compounded and expensive, and so more easily affordable since I cut the dose too. About U.S.D. $99.00 for 6 months worth. And that price had increased a bit, leveled off just below $100.00 with the more recent inflation of everything.

Anyway.....I do get the hormone's checked, every so often too.......even now postmenopausal, for wow, 20 years +. I kind of think these drugs might have been a factor in me going into menopause completely, on the early end of the normal age range. I just do. So I was also perimenopausal likely by my late 30's. And very much suffered pretty intense premenstrual symptoms as well, even before drugs/medications.

So.....although I don't have a great solution for others with the same natural struggles. Here's what happened when I agreed to try a increase in DHEA recently. OMG. It was kind of intense. Like roid rage, although I did not act out.......internally it was awful. And headaches......some woke me up in the middle of the night, also night sweats, and maybe more tears/crying. I got to 1/2 of what had been changed with the DHEA, and I did agree to try it........keep that in mind.......as it was for my bone health and kind of anti aging brain health, etc. But was a substantial increase......tripled the DHEA.

I started with 1/4 and was okay, and so went on to my usual 1/2........and 16 days in........said oh, woah........this is too much!!!! Of course, the something new added was completely forgotten too, until I had an aha moment.

So it might have been a week or so, until symptoms developed. I'm just a couple days in now to my new script, back to where it had been........and thankfully doing better. New symptoms resolving. A little bit of too much at once with other stuff kind of happening too, just in relationship......so maybe not all, but certainly some was due to the DHEA change I tried. And won't try again. That old adage of if it isn't broken, why fix it comes to mind. I mean my bones and brain are good enough right now..........glory hallelujah.

I thank goodness for weeds to pull and lawn mover to push too, when in "roid rage"- it could not have been that really, but was really intense. I just had to tire myself out for relief. Epsom salts in the bath too- helped, helped, helped. And just backing out of a few things.

I'm also not certain why I got a QEEG done, but I did. Maybe because there is a "neurodevelopmental clinic" adjacent to my functional doctor's office now, and I'm curious. Seems they mostly are seeing kids, but I don't know for sure. And they are not diagnostic, the QEEG, or not ever meant to be. On that I'm still ?exploring the results. When I saw my functional doctor, my GP.......he went over the results a bit. And I could do laser light therapy. I do now, still need to talk with their doctor, or specially trained someone over there and will. I also will ask them for some literature, articles, studies too......before proceeding or not proceeding. My doc says it might improve my "executive functioning". I'm familiar with that term and what that means. I'm not looking for tons of improvement being necessary now either, not at all feeling desperate. Mostly......I just want a whole year to pass where I feel like I've done better. So far, every year I lose a few months, at least, to symptoms that I would like to not have ever anymore, if possible.

I am taking a bit of a break from this right now. The talking to the right person at the neuro-developmental clinic, and getting the colonoscopy done. And just living. My gosh.......it was at least a PT job, going in for all the preventative screens and more. None done at the same time or even place. You'd take a break too. Dentist and optometrist in there too.

And woah, this is a long one.....probably missed something too......LOL. I'm complicated, what can I say.

I will be out for about a week, maybe a bit more. A conference thingy. Travel though!!! Love you guys, members, staff.........

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

As always, thank you for the space.

Edited September 9, 2023 by manymoretodays
spacing and some additions

September 24, 2023

Day 4 adjusting to my new glasses. So far so good. Not a huge change in the prescription. Finally...... saw the lead optometrist(the others weren't bad, and once did see the opthamologist too) and they have some great technology now to do exams with. I enjoyed seeing all the images. And phew......nothing too advanced yet that needs anything further. I feel like an owl in my new frames........no one really noticed though. Owly, owlish.....not wise, they just seem bigger and rounder and what looked to be styling, without a prescription in them yet, now looks ? odd, Idk. Not sure if it's a better or worse look overall......LOL. I can use my old sunglasses so far, the previous prescription ones, and can go back in if needing further adjustments or if I don't totally adjust, and can even change the frames without additional cost......????!!!!!!!!, for awhile. That's nice. I'll get to at least 2 weeks adjusting before or if I totally decide. Just slight headaches and visual perceptual changes.......I'm being careful........especially on stairs! And each day seems more adjusted........ So good.

BTW.......just cleanings this year at the dentist. What a relief.

Still waiting to discuss more on some of the other.

And may be able to wait on a full colonoscopy until March 2024, 10 years out from my first one.

Lordy.....and back to my old script on the progesterone/estrogen bioidenticals with a smidgen of DHEA........better too. That got wild. Doing the 4,000 IU's of vitamin D3 early in the day and lo and behold........better energy, less exhaustion. I will not fear any shifts into darkness either, or a plummet of mood and perception........I will not. Hope it doesn't happen ever again. Thankful for my supports too......I really am. And identify them from time to time and remember to thank. Hopefully it's mutual. And for my health......thankful. And for all the options out there for me, and choices.

Still doing well. Well enough.

Meantime, Happy Fall Equinox! I had the best nights sleep ever last night. Easier to relax today too. Stay mindful and just go with the flow. We've also had cooler temperatures which I think had something to do with the sleep being better. It hasn't been bad......just generally one quick wakeup sweating or after a dream, and quickly back to sleep again. I did have some night reflux and did some omeprazole short term, then off, and then chewable antacids, and then none. I might experiment with a position change at night.......I have been propping up my head and upper body a bit too, with pillows. And trying to avoid certain foods later in the day.

Very happy that we'll have some nice warm sunny days still.......not too hot, just right. And the beauty of the changing season has begun. I'm seeing colors in the mountains, reds, pinks, orange. Looking forward to less chores outside eventually. Tights and sweaters. Cozy long nights. And snow and ski-ing. I do want more though, like most.......of summertime. Oh well.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays..........I hope they are good ones for all of us.......

Edited September 24, 2023 by manymoretodays

September 24, 2023

8 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

I had the best nights sleep ever last night.

Congratulations on this, MMT. After dealing with the brutality of withdrawal insomnia, something as simple as a good night's sleep is really major.

October 3, 2023

I am happy you have done so much healing.

On 9/24/2023 at 1:49 AM, manymoretodays said:

Still doing well. Well enough.

In particular, I am happy that you are able to say this. I hope that this continues for you, and that one day you'll look back and think you're even better than now.

October 6, 2023

Thanks LukeUK, and Shep! For sure.

I got my flu and RSV vaccines this week. Day of, woke up with a headache at 4 am......not fun. Slept well again the next night and now fine.

So.......I don't know, as I'm sick of vaccines and following up from my Well Child Checkup.......that's a joke, as I am a adult. On to colonoscopy in November........thrilled. Hope I get another 10 years before needing another. Stupid reflux acting up again. Just doing the ACV(apple cider vinegar, the mother lode)- a tablespoon in a large glass of water. Sometimes just once a day, sometimes twice. And some Tums- generic chewables if it wakes me up, as it often will. Go away I say. Anyway......my doc had something new for me to try for it, which I ordered and will study the ingredients carefully before trying.

The stuff for my mild osteopenia he said just take it and work around it with my other single ingredient supplements, which I will. In time. Don't rush me doc!!! LOL.

This red light laser treatment......I still don't know. This the recommend from the QEEG results. And why I got the QEEG- ??? I did get to talk with the functional neurologist and he gave me some articles I could find and scrutinize. So I will look at them, and then decide. I'm wanting to just take up with a professional Energy Kinesiologist, who is next to my therapist. Massage therapist with other magic I guess. We'll see. Can't hurt to call to learn more, get costs, etc.

Always something out there to try........yet, I don't feel too broken anymore. Some difficulties, sure...........however, they are likely to improve with time still I think.

And psyched, as all goes continuously well for 4 + months and counting.......maybe that's a problem, that I still count.......

I do check myself and often. To not overdo, overwhelm my system.

I sure want to ski a lot and for a good couple of months this winter.......and travel too. My hopes for a PT job often get waylaid for just a little longer. In fact I think when my Social Security goes to Retirement might be a good time, or later......like late winter, early Spring. I do keep busy and do work, just not for pay. And fortunate......I mean I hated losing my Mum, but what she left us has been helpful.......so helpful. Thanks Muma. 💜 More time. 🙂 The right job will show up at the right time. Now........ I know I need to prepare, and decide just what I'd like to do.......yet still........the Universe is good to me, has been.

I'm in training now I suppose for the right job for pay for me. Keeping my commitments, being responsible, balancing all my responsibilities, and doing better with people I think. Less afraid of the big bad world and wolf.

And so it goes. Simply beautiful fall weather here now. Putting my yard/garden to rest for awhile. Sometimes. Just. Being. Is enough.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays

Edited October 6, 2023 by manymoretodays
more, always more ;-)

October 14, 2023

Well, hi ho and neato. Hiked up the nearest hill with my NASA approved eclipse viewing glasses this morning. And. Did not see the full circle around the moon as it passed over the sun, but........nearly did! So cool. Next time I'll travel a couple hours to see the whole show.

It was a annular eclipse.

Felt it too. Of course.

The wonders of nature. They never cease.

I also have what must be a "head cold". Better today. Yesterday miserable. I never knew there could be so much fluid to come out of ones nose....s'not. Could it be allergies? Jeeze, I hope not. Was fatigued. Lot's of sneezing. Not the worst of illnesses for sure........negative home Covid test. RSV just got vaccinated for but long enough I hope that it isn't that. I'll live.

And upcoming travel soon.......I'll say more about it after the fact I think.

Love, peace, healing, and growth...........💜🧙‍♀️

October 21, 2023

Glad you are getting better sleep recently!
the eclipse amazing yes!

Ragweed pollen is higher until first frost.

It could be allergies!

October 25, 2023

Thanks Heath.

The sleep got broken again, but just by circumstances.

I traveled to beantown(Boston and greater Boston area, Massachusetts) to surprise my sister for her birthday, see other family, most especially meet the greats......niece and nephews.

And got a ? loving sendoff from my cat the night before.......a bite and scratched. The bite did not break the skin. The scratching did. Arrived in Boston early morning and by then by hand was red and starting to swell. Googled it.........and bites on hands or face should get prophylactic/preventative antibiotics, as 1 in 4 get infected(the bites anyway). So to the nearest ER with bro and sister in law. IV antibiotic once and sent home. By then it was cellulitis, lymphangitis with red streaking up to the elbow.

I took the next oral antibiotic at their home after a few hours restless sleep, and immediately got sick, nauseau, and vomited it up. Checked my hand and lower arm and all things worse........so back to the hospital I went. Hung out in the ER, on a stretcher in the hallway, and then admitted. The luck of Riley. And was getting loopy from sleep deprivation. I got Zofran too IV, with more Augmentin. Spent a little over 24 hours in the hospital.

I couldn't change my "cheap flight" but did manage to get to a beach where I let out a Tarzanic yell, and enjoyed the surf and walking with all my sibs, including my birthday sister. Ate large quanity of Seafood. Slept a bit. Headed to the airport and back home.

And oh. It is good to be home again. The hospital was decent, and I did get to visit a fair amount with my brother and wife and they were very hospitable AND helpful. Pheww.

Good night sleep at home last night after a long, long flight day and really not feeling great that day either. I think I'll ditch the Zofran now. I did for my morning Augmentin already and have been holding it down. Got a few more days.......hmmm, well about 7 to go with the antibiotic.

I follow up with my usual home doctor tomorrow and the redness, swelling, and pain took a little while, but is finally improving. It got up to my second knuckle and then to my elbow. It's mostly just almost back to where it was when it started now. Yay!

My sister was pretty non-pulsed about my surprise........LOL.......we had a nice chat while beach walking though and visit. Nice phone visit with my great niece(10 year old)......she's so cool. Missed meeting them all though, or seeing my nephew and his lovely wife. I just need to decide when to go back.......heck, maybe drive and rent a beach place cheap off season........so fall or spring.

So. That's that. I hope.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited October 25, 2023 by manymoretodays

October 25, 2023

Oh and.....Glad I went with Zofran instead of Reglan for anti nausea, and was able to just say NO to the hospitals protocol to give me heparin once I was admitted. To prevent blood clots. I started periodically walking the unit, and had been mobile.

Even with my infected, sleep deprived status I could still check meds. And did. Something I learned here, quite a while ago. And if I could not check I could ask the prescriber about side effects, adverse reactions. Could have accessed the pharmacy to check interactions too, at the hospital. I only got the 2 meds and aren't taking any others though.

Sheesh, my Augmentin information gives me the creeps..........I hope I don't get clostridium difficile. I mean I need it, and things ARE improving.

October 26, 2023

Yikes !!! What a memorable trip 😅 , I’m glad to hear you were ok after the zofran and antibiotics 💞💞💞💞 , this makes me feel a little better because I think I’m getting my first uti since being in wd 😭, Any how I’m so happy you got to spend time with your Siblings 💞💞💞

October 30, 2023

Thanks Phoenixmama!

Not quite done with the antibiotics. Tomorrow I'll take my last doses. Yay! I quit the Zofran awhile back.

Wondering if I am reacting to probiotics a bit. Idk. I think I'll keep taking them, in any case.

Headaches and visual changes today and off and on.

Darn.

So I may be scarcer for a bit. We'll see. Having a well moment now. 💜🧙‍♀️

As for the recovery and healing. Still going great. I realized how much I was avoiding family. And I just don't think I will do that anymore. I love my family of origin. And also.......oh my gosh, love the East Coast too. Ocean was great. More people to look up next time too.

Hope you are doing well Phoenix. Just make sure they culture your urine and get you on the right antibiotic, if needed.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

October 31, 2023

Wow ! What a trip!

I hate the infection came on . I had the cellulitis once it was a little scary. but healed rt up with antibiotics.
Yes to probiotics or yogurt if you can.

I am glad you did have some good time with family! And they helped you. I love family too! Very important

That’s happy to hear you were able to decide for yourself about the medication.
It’s like everyone is a robot in the hospital even drs - take this med or that med here’s your nightly medication etc.

If you say no that’s not rt or what’s the other option. 😮😮it’s like oh well sir/mam I huh uh . They don’t understand - robot.

Glad to hear you are on the mend!

November 4, 2023

Oh man. More on the visuals and then headaches. Plus....my back went out/ painful yesterday. On the plus- I get to reschedule my routine colonoscopy. Well pretty routine.....as I did not pass the cologuard mail in. Yay!!!!! Just seems to me, I should be good prior to clean out and fasting/clear fluids and so glad my doc agreed. And the beat goes on.......L, P, H, and G. mmt.

Edited November 4, 2023 by manymoretodays

November 4, 2023

2 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Oh man. More on the visuals and then headaches. Plus....my back went out/ painful yesterday. On the plus- I get to reschedule my routine colonoscopy. Well pretty routine.....as I did not pass the cologuard mail in. Yay!!!!! Just seems to me, I should be good prior to clean out and fasting/clear fluids and so glad my doc agreed. And the beat goes on.......L, P, H, and G. mmt.

Flat ice pack and alternate heat. Pillows under legs if helps. try to relax. Should pass in a few days.

You have a lot going on rt now. So please be kind to yourself. Mindfulness breathing , things that are relaxing , enjoyable, etc.

November 7, 2023

Hey I’m sorry to hear what happened to you about the bite. how are you doing now?

I just recently had to take antibiotics too & it causing an increase in symptoms. It sucks we can’t always escape life & infections are bound to happen unfortunately

November 16, 2023

Hey there,

Doing well. Friday last- November 10th, all symptoms resolved. Lymphangitis and cellulitis(cat bite) was the first to go. 9 days oral Augmentin after the 5 IV infusions, over that first 24 hours or so.

I just did a short burst only of probiotics, which may have helped. I confess, more due to fears of what if from the Augmentin.

I definitely needed the OTC Monostat 3(brand name) after the antibiotics for a yeast infection too. All clear.

Less than a week of the back hip pain, one visit to my chiropractor helped there as did @Heath's suggestions, which I did see and use. Funny how pain will wipe out all common sense and send one into sheer survival mode. I've proceeded with decent self care as well.........which you all know is tough, taking care of self really well and without any additional guilt and shame.

The visuals seem resolved. That was kind of an odd one and I could function through........pretty certain it was just a neuro type glitch, unrelated to stroke risk or anything. My blood pressures thankfully were running if not low, low normal when taken so many times in the hospital. And right now, my glasses seem fine, no further spots or blurries. Thank you Universe and Great Spirit and Creator.

I'm glad the related stuff(must have been) waited until I was back to home to deal with.

And here come the holidays. The Native American appreciation month now, and get into gratitude. Eat more turkey. Trying to go light on expectations and heavy on just letting things happen. Keeping my expectations realistic, and continuing to progress in all my relations, as well as usefulness.......or so I hope.

I'm not going to travel for a turkey eating gathering, as I had hoped, and that's okay. Not entirely clear yet what I'll do on that turkey day we often do here in the States.

Did a bit of reading today, and catch up. Surely I'll return soon. Getting some final outside work done(or hoping too), and generally getting caught up elsewhere too. Seems the time change, slow season change, and upcoming holidays gets my nervous system out of the previous nice groove.........and then takes a bit of time to get reorganized into the new and different routines for the colder darker stretch. If that makes sense.

Love, peace, healing, and growth.......some surprising sunshine today too!

mmt

Edited November 16, 2023 by manymoretodays
added cellulitis to lymphangitis

November 16, 2023

@manymoretodays

So good to hear you're on the mend!

November 16, 2023

How wonderful to read you’re feeling better @manymoretodays 🧡

manymoretodays: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

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