itsalyssadood: Lexapro taper

[itsalyssadood]

On 1/27/2024 at 4:10 AM, Sveta81 said:

Hi itsalyssadood, thank you for sharing your story. I'm also tapering on Lexapro and especially the drops in the lower doses can be so rough. I hope you will feel better soon when you stabilize on your current dose. At this stage, I try to listend to my body before I do any more drops in stead of doing regular drops, just to make sure I can still function. Things that have helped me in the past during moments of distress or withdrawal, were mindfullness, self-massage with oils, yogic breathing exercises, peaceful music and being in nature. Also reading about other people's journeys on this forum has helped me to keep hope. Take care 💐

Thank you! I agree in everything you’ve said. Self care is so so so important. I’m finally feeling better. I realized my bottle of lexapro was 5 months old so the potency might have been depleted. Switched to a new bottle and finally starting to feel better. The migraines persisted though. I’m heading to get a CT scan soon and to talk to a neurologist. I doubt they’ll believe it’s taper caused but maybe I can get some Botox treatments to help. Hope you’re doing okay! What dose are you on now? And how long have you been tapering?

[itsalyssadood]

On 1/27/2024 at 5:01 PM, thereishope33 said:

I feel you. I was doing really well too, but it’s been 1.5 months of restablizing on my last dose and the windows and waves metaphor is becoming increasingly real in my life. It is hard to be hopeful, but one thing that does bring me hope is looking back on how far god has brought me. I know he will restore me eventually

100 percent agree with you on everything from the windows and waves to how far God has brought you. This has been, hands down, the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, my friend. We will get there one day ♥️

[itsalyssadood]

Hello for another update! 
 

I’m doing much better. Still little blips of anxiety/dread but way better than what I was. I realized the bottle of my liquid lexapro was 5 months old, so I figured it may have lost potency. Switched to a new bottle and things are looking up. But man, those migraines. AWFUL. I’ve clocked a total of 26 days of varying head pain (migraines/cluster/tension headaches). I’ve got a referral to the neurologist and a CT scan coming up soon. Hoping to get Botox instead of being thrown with more meds. We shall see. 
 

I am now at 1.76, a good 2.2 percent drop from 1.8 as of this past Saturday (4 days ago). So far, so good 🤞🏻

 

Lately I’ve been struggling with time and acceptance when it comes to this taper. I feel like it’s going to take forever to be off and feel okay. It makes me feel defeated, like I’m wasting good years of my life to this process. What has anyone done for radical acceptance? 

[FireflyFyte]

12 hours ago, itsalyssadood said:

Lately I’ve been struggling with time and acceptance when it comes to this taper. I feel like it’s going to take forever to be off and feel okay. It makes me feel defeated, like I’m wasting good years of my life to this process. What has anyone done for radical acceptance? 

 

Do you currently have a therapist? If so, this might be a good conversation to have with them to see if they can guide you with radical acceptance.

[itsalyssadood]

14 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

 

Do you currently have a therapist? If so, this might be a good conversation to have with them to see if they can guide you with radical acceptance.

I do! I started seeing her a few months ago, but she’s really pro-meds so when I bring up my taper it’s kinda awkward. I wonder if there’s another way I can bring it up without it feeling awkward. 

[Sveta81]

On 2/8/2024 at 4:14 AM, itsalyssadood said:

Thank you! I agree in everything you’ve said. Self care is so so so important. I’m finally feeling better. I realized my bottle of lexapro was 5 months old so the potency might have been depleted. Switched to a new bottle and finally starting to feel better. The migraines persisted though. I’m heading to get a CT scan soon and to talk to a neurologist. I doubt they’ll believe it’s taper caused but maybe I can get some Botox treatments to help. Hope you’re doing okay! What dose are you on now? And how long have you been tapering?

Hi itsalyssadood, any relief from the migraines so far? I hope so. I can imagine it is a bit awkward when your therapist is inclined to write you a new prescription for meds. It seems like the SA community is such a niche, and there is still so little understanding from the health care professionals on alternatives to meds. For me the tapering process is currently going with ups and downs. I am now at 0.38 ish mg. I'm going very slow. I expect it will take me 3 or 4 years to hit 0 from the original 8 mg dose. I'm very concerned with being able to function well, and slow and steady is the mantra I try to live by nowadays. 

[thereishope33]

6 hours ago, Sveta81 said:

Hi itsalyssadood, any relief from the migraines so far? I hope so. I can imagine it is a bit awkward when your therapist is inclined to write you a new prescription for meds. It seems like the SA community is such a niche, and there is still so little understanding from the health care professionals on alternatives to meds. For me the tapering process is currently going with ups and downs. I am now at 0.38 ish mg. I'm going very slow. I expect it will take me 3 or 4 years to hit 0 from the original 8 mg dose. I'm very concerned with being able to function well, and slow and steady is the mantra I try to live by nowadays. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that most doctors are educated drug dealers. This is by no means an original thought, but it is very true from what I’ve seen.

 

i have a question for you, does that ashwaganda supplement help you with anxiety? I have not used it, but have heard good things.

[Sveta81]

On 3/1/2024 at 1:54 AM, thereishope33 said:

I’ve come to the conclusion that most doctors are educated drug dealers. This is by no means an original thought, but it is very true from what I’ve seen.

 

i have a question for you, does that ashwaganda supplement help you with anxiety? I have not used it, but have heard good things.

Hi thereishope33, I agree with your observation on the doctors. It is a shame, because I have found myself now becoming quite distrustful of the healthcare system with regards to mental help. I have been drawn more towards holistic types of help and relief. More focused on things like breathwork, yoga, sports and meditation. I wish these systems would interact more. 

 

With regards to ashwaganda. I have been to an experienced and certified Ayurvedic practictioner, who did a thorough intake with me and then described me some Ayurvedic supplements. Ashwaganda tablets was one of them. As I am taking several pills it is difficult for me to judge what helps. I also know that ashwaganda is not for everyone and in accordance with Dutch media recently it can be even dangerous and deadly. As if AD is completely safe 🙂. It might be helpful to find out what brands of ashwaganda are of the best quality, as there are quite some differences and to do some research. There are also some recipies of drinks, like moon milk with ashwaganda, that I had good experiences with. 

[itsalyssadood]

On 2/29/2024 at 10:45 AM, Sveta81 said:

Hi itsalyssadood, any relief from the migraines so far? I hope so. I can imagine it is a bit awkward when your therapist is inclined to write you a new prescription for meds. It seems like the SA community is such a niche, and there is still so little understanding from the health care professionals on alternatives to meds. For me the tapering process is currently going with ups and downs. I am now at 0.38 ish mg. I'm going very slow. I expect it will take me 3 or 4 years to hit 0 from the original 8 mg dose. I'm very concerned with being able to function well, and slow and steady is the mantra I try to live by nowadays. 

Hey! 
 

Sadly, no relief. I’ll get a few days where I’m headache/migraine free, but it always comes back.  

[thereishope33]

7 minutes ago, itsalyssadood said:

Hey! 
 

Sadly, no relief. I’ll get a few days where I’m headache/migraine free, but it always comes back.  

I started working with a keto nutritionist to help with my continued taper. She told me to increase my electrolyte intake considerably. I followed her directions and have been without a migraine for 2 or so months. Previously I would get 1-3 a week. 
 

[itsalyssadood]

Well, yet another update. Dropped to 1.7 on March 2nd. 

 

I’m still suffering from headaches/migraines. I feel like it’s keeping me from stabilizing as it makes me super depressed and anxious.  Plus my menses is making everything way worse for almost two weeks out of the month. I haven’t felt the “lost hope” feeling in a long time, but here we are- and that feeling is back with a vengeance. My rumination is peeking back up and my agoraphobia is winning the battle. I had a panic attack at a red light in a busy intersection yesterday. I was stuck and contemplating making an illegal turn but I didn’t want to cause an accident so I just sat there, body tremoring, heart pounding, DPDR consuming me. It sucked. I felt defeated and still do. 
 

Everything is starting to cause more anxious feelings, and with my baseline anxiety being so high, it’s almost unbearable. I can’t enjoy music, being alone, driving, etc. My thoughts are constantly spiraling me down into panic and dread. 
 

Now I’m in a crappy predicament where my husband is leaving tomorrow to go out of town for a week for work, and I’ll be here with the kids alone.  It’s bringing up my PTSD from akathisia that happened during a period he was gone for work a couple years ago. I’ve called a friend who will be there for me when she can, but for some reason it feels like I’m cheating my way out of exposure therapy or handling my anxiety by having someone there as a crutch. 
 

My brain feels like scrambled eggs.  ☹️

[itsalyssadood]

5 minutes ago, thereishope33 said:

I started working with a keto nutritionist to help with my continued taper. She told me to increase my electrolyte intake considerably. I followed her directions and have been without a migraine for 2 or so months. Previously I would get 1-3 a week. 
 

No way! I’m going to do this. What do you drink? Have you cut out any other foods too? 

[thereishope33]

31 minutes ago, itsalyssadood said:

No way! I’m going to do this. What do you drink? Have you cut out any other foods too? 

Well. I was getting migraines before I went keto. I went keto (keeping net carbs under 20grams) per day, and did not get a migraine for several months.

 

i started to waver in my sodium intake for the last 6 months and I started getting migraines again. I saw a neurologist and he told me about b2 and it helped for a few weeks. Then lost its effect. 
 

1 gram of stores carbs = 3 grams of stored water in the body. So if I have minimal to no carbs in my body, the water passes through and strips me of electrolytes. 
 

since you may or may not be on a ketogenic diet, this may work for you or it may not.

I get 4-8 grams of sodium a day, and 300-800 mg of magnesium a day through food and supplements // pink salt. 
 

my fiance often gets headaches and she would automatically pop an Advil. I started giving her an 1/8 of a tsp of pink Himalayan salt and she doesn’t not reach for the Advil anymore.

 

maybe you could start with 1/8 tsp in the morning and go from there.

 

im very active, i sweat a lot, and im on keto. I can’t tell you what will work for you dosage wise, but starting small is always better!

[itsalyssadood]

10 hours ago, thereishope33 said:

Well. I was getting migraines before I went keto. I went keto (keeping net carbs under 20grams) per day, and did not get a migraine for several months.

 

i started to waver in my sodium intake for the last 6 months and I started getting migraines again. I saw a neurologist and he told me about b2 and it helped for a few weeks. Then lost its effect. 
 

1 gram of stores carbs = 3 grams of stored water in the body. So if I have minimal to no carbs in my body, the water passes through and strips me of electrolytes. 
 

since you may or may not be on a ketogenic diet, this may work for you or it may not.

I get 4-8 grams of sodium a day, and 300-800 mg of magnesium a day through food and supplements // pink salt. 
 

my fiance often gets headaches and she would automatically pop an Advil. I started giving her an 1/8 of a tsp of pink Himalayan salt and she doesn’t not reach for the Advil anymore.

 

maybe you could start with 1/8 tsp in the morning and go from there.

 

im very active, i sweat a lot, and im on keto. I can’t tell you what will work for you dosage wise, but starting small is always better!

Come to think of it, back last summer I went full on keto for a few weeks and I felt great. Then I went to Europe and fell off my keto diet.  I should try this again, and also up my electrolytes. I’m going to reach out to a dietitian as well and see if I can find one to help.  Anything at this point! Thank you for taking the time to write that all out for me.  I hope you’re doing well! 

[itsalyssadood]

Here’s an update, it’s been a bit. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I haven’t stabilized and I don’t feel great. I’m in a state of constant anxiety that won’t stop. Wake up, anxiety, go to bed, anxiety. I feel like I’m constantly fighting off panic (really trying to let it happen if it needs to) but it’s awful. I feel as if I’m going crazy. I’m more hyper sensitive to anything and it’s effecting me all the time. I’m having constant crying spells because I feel like I’m going insane and I’m scared all the time, and really, because I’m overwhelmed to the point where all I can do is cry. 
 

I start an IOP today and I really hope it helps me. I’m scared I’ll never recover and that’s bringing up suicidal thoughts again. 
 

I have zero appetite again as well. 
 

its so hard to find any hope anymore 😔

[FireflyFyte]

Sorry to hear that you aren't stabilizing.

 

Would you mind creating a journal for a few days where you track the time you take your medication as well as a log of symptoms you are experiencing?

[itsalyssadood]

4 minutes ago, FireflyFyte said:

Sorry to hear that you aren't stabilizing.

 

Would you mind creating a journal for a few days where you track the time you take your medication as well as a log of symptoms you are experiencing?

Thank you. I don’t know what’s going on, I’m honestly pretty terrified 😔

 

I can definitely do that. I’ll start today! 

[itsalyssadood]

I haven’t felt this way in a long time, I just had my second panic attack today. I have nothing but rapid ruminating thoughts and dread 24/7. I need hope ☹️
 

I'm wondering if some other medication I took triggered this. I got a pinched nerve in my neck last week, went to the urgent care and they gave me meloxicam. It’s just an anti inflammatory and I can already handle ibuprofen so it’s no big deal. Here’s where things went a little south, I had left over Oxycodone from my surgery and took 5mg. It gave me a racing heart, spinning thoughts and a panic attack. That was 3 nights ago.  Can this be left over from that? Plus, the last two nights I took hydroxyzine to help me sleep through the pain. Do any of you think maybe that’s what’s causing this? 

[FireflyFyte]

9 hours ago, itsalyssadood said:

Do any of you think maybe that’s what’s causing this? 

 

There is a possibility that it has contributed to your current state including the stress of having to go to urgent care due to a pinched nerve.

 

How are you feeling today?

[itsalyssadood]

2 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

 

There is a possibility that it has contributed to your current state including the stress of having to go to urgent care due to a pinched nerve.

 

How are you feeling today?

That’s what I’m thinking too. I was still feeling very anxious before too, but nothing like this.  
 

I feel pretty similar. Fighting off panic and constant looping thoughts.  It feels like when I was stuck in akathisia.  The internal terror.  I’m trying to keep myself distracted. 

 

I don’t know if updosing back to 1.76 would be an option or make me worse. 😩

[FireflyFyte]

4 hours ago, itsalyssadood said:

I don’t know if updosing back to 1.76 would be an option or make me worse. 😩

 

Given that your current state may be due to stress and/or new medications being introduced, I would try and give it a little more time to see if you stabilize before trying an up-dose.

[itsalyssadood]

6 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

 

Given that your current state may be due to stress and/or new medications being introduced, I would try and give it a little more time to see if you stabilize before trying an up-dose.

Good idea. I’m going to wait a while. It seems like anything I take has a negative reaction and causes this to happen. 😭

[Dee12h]

On 3/18/2024 at 12:24 AM, thereishope33 said:

I started working with a keto nutritionist to help with my continued taper. She told me to increase my electrolyte intake considerably. I followed her directions and have been without a migraine for 2 or so months. Previously I would get 1-3 a week. 
 

What electrolytes do you take?

[Dee12h]

Hi. I’m dealing with similar symptoms as well. I thought I was going slowly enough, but I guess not. My anxiety seems to just get worse & worse & now I’m almost agoraphobic. Had a panic attack at my son’s t-ball game yesterday! 🥺 I’ve always had anxiety but never panic attacks. I get headaches often too, but thankfully no migraines. Just wanted to say I understand. 🙏🏼 🙏🏼  Hope you turn a corner soon!

[itsalyssadood]

7 hours ago, Dee12h said:

Hi. I’m dealing with similar symptoms as well. I thought I was going slowly enough, but I guess not. My anxiety seems to just get worse & worse & now I’m almost agoraphobic. Had a panic attack at my son’s t-ball game yesterday! 🥺 I’ve always had anxiety but never panic attacks. I get headaches often too, but thankfully no migraines. Just wanted to say I understand. 🙏🏼 🙏🏼  Hope you turn a corner soon!

Hi Dee12h! 
 

I totally feel your pain 😞

Looking at your signature it seems like you’ve gone super slow in your taper too. Did you notice it after this last drop or have you felt it building up little by little? 
 

At this rate I won’t be off for years 😩 but honestly to never feel like this again vs years and years of taper doesn’t sound bad to me. I really hope we both start to turn that corner soon and stabilize.  Also, I know what it feels like to have kids and go through this.. my heart goes out to you. 
 

Even though right now our brains do not believe it, we just have to keep telling ourselves that will eventually get through this.. 

[Dee12h]

Thanks. 
It started after my drop from .15 to .1. It was a big drop, but I was mostly stable before then. After that, I held for like 9 months! And during those 9 months I never stabilized, just kept getting slowly worse. Then I kept getting thoughts that the med was the culprit & not WD, so I kept lowering. Now I’m much worse. I tried to go up to .07 last week & felt worse, so now I feel stuck. 
Yes, not being able do things with my kids is the worst. Everything over stimulates me. My husband is great but is getting tired of all this. He wants us to do therapy, but I know that will overstimulate me too. Sigh. Trying to be thankful & hopeful, but it’s very difficult. 

[thereishope33]

On 4/16/2024 at 9:16 PM, Dee12h said:

What electrolytes do you take?

Sodium and magnesium.

for sodium I take pink sea salt, and the magnesium I take 240mg glycinate in the morning that 140mg l-threonate at night.

i could probably use the glycinate for both 

[itsalyssadood]

12 hours ago, Dee12h said:

Thanks. 
It started after my drop from .15 to .1. It was a big drop, but I was mostly stable before then. After that, I held for like 9 months! And during those 9 months I never stabilized, just kept getting slowly worse. Then I kept getting thoughts that the med was the culprit & not WD, so I kept lowering. Now I’m much worse. I tried to go up to .07 last week & felt worse, so now I feel stuck. 
Yes, not being able do things with my kids is the worst. Everything over stimulates me. My husband is great but is getting tired of all this. He wants us to do therapy, but I know that will overstimulate me too. Sigh. Trying to be thankful & hopeful, but it’s very difficult. 

Awe man 9 months and it kept getting worse? I’m so sorry 😞 at this point holding as long as you need to seems probably to be the best solution. I’m probably not going to start my taper again until after summer at this point. 
I totally get the overstimulation. It’s awful! I’m ready to be over that part but it never really goes away. Therapy might be a decent thing to try, I just started an IOP for my OCD struggles and panic disorder and so far so good. Today was day 2. I think it’s going to really help me. 

[Warpman]

On 3/15/2023 at 1:17 AM, itsalyssadood said:

The past few days have been pretty awful. Been stuck in constant loops of ruminating thoughts of “I’ll never get better, I’m stuck like this”. I’m sure the withdrawal symptoms and my hormones are clashing pretty hard. Lots of crying spells and breakdowns. Had a total of 4 migraines in the past week. Still holding it on 2.8. Reading stories of encouragement is helping a bit. 

 Hello, @itsalyssadood

 

I am also in the withdrawal process and, browsing here, I found your stories and could identify with several situations you went through.

Example: for two or three days I experienced short waves of terrifying/despairing thoughts like: "you're doomed to stay like this forever", "you'll never get better, the best thing would be to kill yourself".

After reading your story I felt much more relieved. At the time of despair we think that these feelings that invade us are not from withdrawal and that they will never go away.

Please continue to update us with your journey. Together we will help each other.

God be with you.

 

[itsalyssadood]

On 4/18/2024 at 12:32 PM, Warpman said:

Hello, @itsalyssadood

 

I am also in the withdrawal process and, browsing here, I found your stories and could identify with several situations you went through.

Example: for two or three days I experienced short waves of terrifying/despairing thoughts like: "you're doomed to stay like this forever", "you'll never get better, the best thing would be to kill yourself".

After reading your story I felt much more relieved. At the time of despair we think that these feelings that invade us are not from withdrawal and that they will never go away.

Please continue to update us with your journey. Together we will help each other.

God be with you.

Hello @Warpman,

 

Thank you for your kind words. I’ve been feeling this was for about 5 days now. It honestly feels like the thoughts I had when I had akathisia. It’s awful. Just trying to push through at this point. I know it’ll go away, but not knowing when is eating at me.  God be with you as well, I know we will heal one day my friend. 

[itsalyssadood]

Update: 

 

My mornings are awful still. But not as bad as 4-5 days ago.  Last night I saw a big window in the evening! I felt good knowing that’s a sign of healing. ❤️‍🩹 

 

Appetite is still down. I am still trying to hold onto any hope. My crying spells are still pretty bad in the morning and throughout the afternoon. I’ve been going outside and sitting in the sun for hours- today and yesterday.  I think it’s helping. Also been listening to Angie Peacock’s new videos about hope in healing. I’m grasping at ANY and ALL hope right now. 
 

I am still feeling super overwhelmed by anything. My kids make a noise, I get an adrenaline drop and a rush of panic.  I get a text asking me for a favor or question, adrenaline drop and rush of panic. Sometimes being in support group forums or watching videos is also starting to overwhelm me. Has anyone else had these adrenaline drops? I call them “dread drops”. 
 

I actually tried to quit my IOP yesterday as I feel like the ERP and other therapies they’re making me do are keeping me away from connection and support during this wave (example: try to distance yourself from your support person and sit with the anxiety. I literally cannot fathom that in the state I’m in right now, I feel like I want to give up. I’m desperate for human connection and comfort). They convinced me to stay but I think I might withdrawal from the program next week and find a coach for my taper journey instead. 
 

I am hoping for more windows to come soon and more often.. I pray to God it will happen. 
 

Also, does anyone else have a constant need to build a group of support buddies so they can have people to reach out to? I have a wonderful buddy I text almost daily but I crave to build a bigger circle of people like us.  It’s like I want a group text of a bunch of us encouraging each other daily. I don’t know if that’s weird but feeling alone in this sucks sometimes 😞

[BaccatePlayer]

20 minutes ago, itsalyssadood said:

Also, does anyone else have a constant need to build a group of support buddies so they can have people to reach out to?

Yes. The more opportunities to unload your CNS, the better.

[Dee12h]

I have had the same thought. A text group or message thread or something. Do you have GroupMe? 

[SkyStreamer]

15 minutes ago, Dee12h said:

I have had the same thought. A text group or message thread or something. Do you have GroupMe? 

 I might be up for something like that. My taper and struggles have been very challenging.

[itsalyssadood]

2 hours ago, Dee12h said:

I have had the same thought. A text group or message thread or something. Do you have GroupMe? 

@Dee12h @SkyStreamer I can download GroupMe if it’s an app. I would love to have more support 😢

Another super tough day 

[itsalyssadood]

7 minutes ago, itsalyssadood said:

@Dee12h @SkyStreamer I can download GroupMe if it’s an app. I would love to have more support 😢

Another super tough day 

@Dee12h

@SkyStreamer 

here is the link to the group I created:

You're invited to my new group 'Taper Support Group' on GroupMe. Click here to join: https://groupme.com/join_group/100474416/PRY16V4D