itsalyssadood: Lexapro taper

[itsalyssadood]

Update: no windows today. My mom came over to be with me. Nothing like being a 34 year old woman being held in your mom’s arms while sobbing uncontrollably. 
 

I will never, ever touch another psychotropic drug again. I want my life back 😔

[Sonia009]

6 hours ago, itsalyssadood said:

Update: no windows today. My mom came over to be with me. Nothing like being a 34 year old woman being held in your mom’s arms while sobbing uncontrollably. 
 

I will never, ever touch another psychotropic drug again. I want my life back 😔

@itsalyssadoodIt's good to hear that your mum is supporting you, I would love to be able to have my mum comfort me but she's never been that way inclined and she's elderly now in any case. I too cry every day now, mornings are worse but it can happen any time of day, triggered by something I've seen on tv or just my thoughts. I hope and pray that these feelings pass soon for us all. 

[itsalyssadood]

1 hour ago, Sonia009 said:

@itsalyssadoodIt's good to hear that your mum is supporting you, I would love to be able to have my mum comfort me but she's never been that way inclined and she's elderly now in any case. I too cry every day now, mornings are worse but it can happen any time of day, triggered by something I've seen on tv or just my thoughts. I hope and pray that these feelings pass soon for us all. 

I feel pretty lucky in that sense, but it took some time for her to understand anything about my mental health, she has a rough time accepting that she can’t fix me and it frustrates her. 
 

The crying is awful. I had a headache all day yesterday from it. It does help release some build up of anxiousness but never releases it all 😔

do you feel like your cry is different? Like it comes from deeper within?

 

[Sonia009]

1 minute ago, itsalyssadood said:

I feel pretty lucky in that sense, but it took some time for her to understand anything about my mental health, she has a rough time accepting that she can’t fix me and it frustrates her. 
 

The crying is awful. I had a headache all day yesterday from it. It does help release some build up of anxiousness but never releases it all 😔

do you feel like your cry is different? Like it comes from deeper within?

 

@itsalyssadoodMy mother will never understand, she just asks so many questions and cannot believe how I can feel this way for so long. Yes, it's not like normal crying, it's more like a wailing cry like I never had before. I get headaches too and dizziness and balance problems. It's horrible. 🙏😊

[itsalyssadood]

28 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

@itsalyssadoodMy mother will never understand, she just asks so many questions and cannot believe how I can feel this way for so long. Yes, it's not like normal crying, it's more like a wailing cry like I never had before. I get headaches too and dizziness and balance problems. It's horrible. 🙏😊

Sounds like me 😭

I am so ready for this wave to be over. Constant fear inside me all day, I’ve lost 5 pounds in the last 6 days. I feel like I’m withering away. Do you have an appetite these days? 

[Sonia009]

2 minutes ago, itsalyssadood said:

Sounds like me 😭

I am so ready for this wave to be over. Constant fear inside me all day, I’ve lost 5 pounds in the last 6 days. I feel like I’m withering away. Do you have an appetite these days? 

@itsalyssadoodI haven't had much of an appetite in four months, it's picked up a bit the past two weeks but that's because I am making an effort to eat. I've dropped two dress sizes, it's scaring me. It's showing in my face now too. I wonder how I'm going to put weight back on because I'm avoiding sugary foods .😒

[itsalyssadood]

1 minute ago, Sonia009 said:

@itsalyssadoodI haven't had much of an appetite in four months, it's picked up a bit the past two weeks but that's because I am making an effort to eat. I've dropped two dress sizes, it's scaring me. It's showing in my face now too. I wonder how I'm going to put weight back on because I'm avoiding sugary foods .😒

I’m also avoiding sugary foods too! The last time this happened I got down to 109 pounds. I’m scared that’ll happen again! This has to be hindering my healing somehow.

Now that you’ve eaten more, do you feel like you’re healing more or seeing any windows? 

[Sonia009]

Just now, itsalyssadood said:

I’m also avoiding sugary foods too! The last time this happened I got down to 109 pounds. I’m scared that’ll happen again! This has to be hindering my healing somehow.

Now that you’ve eaten more, do you feel like you’re healing more or seeing any windows? 

@itsalyssadoodI am not seeing any windows to be honest, maybe several weeks ago.🤔 For several days I have been feeling worse, stress makes things worse for me. I'm even a worrying about my opticians appointment tomorrow and my holiday in two weeks. I just don't feel up to any of it. What helps you, anything?

[itsalyssadood]

1 hour ago, Sonia009 said:

@itsalyssadoodI am not seeing any windows to be honest, maybe several weeks ago.🤔 For several days I have been feeling worse, stress makes things worse for me. I'm even a worrying about my opticians appointment tomorrow and my holiday in two weeks. I just don't feel up to any of it. What helps you, anything?

I can totally relate. I’ve seen two small windows, two nights ago around 8:15p, I felt back to normal. The best night around 6:30p, I felt normal again. It gave me so much hope but also made me scared to sleep because I know waking up brings everything bad worse. I haven’t had a true window since. I woke up at 4am today, tried to go back to sleep, woke up again with adrenaline and racing thoughts, then again and again. 
I haven’t found much to help but I’ve learned when I need to rest, I shouldn’t feel guilty.  My body is exhausted from the anxiety and fight or flight all day, plus lack of food. Laying in bed and trying to watch a feel good movie is the most I can do to maybe help, or going outside and getting some sun. 

[Sonia009]

18 minutes ago, itsalyssadood said:

I can totally relate. I’ve seen two small windows, two nights ago around 8:15p, I felt back to normal. The best night around 6:30p, I felt normal again. It gave me so much hope but also made me scared to sleep because I know waking up brings everything bad worse. I haven’t had a true window since. I woke up at 4am today, tried to go back to sleep, woke up again with adrenaline and racing thoughts, then again and again. 
I haven’t found much to help but I’ve learned when I need to rest, I shouldn’t feel guilty.  My body is exhausted from the anxiety and fight or flight all day, plus lack of food. Laying in bed and trying to watch a feel good movie is the most I can do to maybe help, or going outside and getting some sun. 

@itsalyssadoodSounds a lot like me. Today I've been feeling anxious because my daughter was calling for lunch. I cooked lunch, didn't feel up to it but had to make an effort. Something cropped up and she couldn't make it after all. Now I'm just shattered, feeling cold and in bed. I have to shower and wash my hair later but it's hard work trying to keep on top of things. I'm praying for a window, just something to give me hope. 

At night I listen to relaxing sleep music on youtube, it's on throughout the night. It helps me to to sleep. Sometimes I just listen to a familiar movie, I don't watch it, just listen, this sometimes help me drop off. Most nights I sleep ok but sometimes I don't get off until about 3 am and wake around 7 am. My husband has insomnia so hearing him wandering around the house keeps me awake. I get those racing thoughts too, I try to distract myself but it's not always possible. I think back to around four/five months ago when I was going about my day normally, it's hard to understand how life can change so much literally overnight. I long for those days again.🙏😊

[itsalyssadood]

38 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

@itsalyssadoodSounds a lot like me. Today I've been feeling anxious because my daughter was calling for lunch. I cooked lunch, didn't feel up to it but had to make an effort. Something cropped up and she couldn't make it after all. Now I'm just shattered, feeling cold and in bed. I have to shower and wash my hair later but it's hard work trying to keep on top of things. I'm praying for a window, just something to give me hope. 

At night I listen to relaxing sleep music on youtube, it's on throughout the night. It helps me to to sleep. Sometimes I just listen to a familiar movie, I don't watch it, just listen, this sometimes help me drop off. Most nights I sleep ok but sometimes I don't get off until about 3 am and wake around 7 am. My husband has insomnia so hearing him wandering around the house keeps me awake. I get those racing thoughts too, I try to distract myself but it's not always possible. I think back to around four/five months ago when I was going about my day normally, it's hard to understand how life can change so much literally overnight. I long for those days again.🙏😊

I relate to you SO much. Now that I think about it, I put movies and music on and listen to them as well.  I have an app with sleep music that I put on at night. It kind of helps remove me from my thoughts (although it doesn’t always work either but it’s something). I’m trying so hard to keep hope. I have an appointment with Angie Peacock in two days and I’m eager to see what she says about my situation/taper. I also need to take a leave from work which is stressing me out BAD.

[Sonia009]

24 minutes ago, itsalyssadood said:

I relate to you SO much. Now that I think about it, I put movies and music on and listen to them as well.  I have an app with sleep music that I put on at night. It kind of helps remove me from my thoughts (although it doesn’t always work either but it’s something). I’m trying so hard to keep hope. I have an appointment with Angie Peacock in two days and I’m eager to see what she says about my situation/taper. I also need to take a leave from work which is stressing me out BAD.

@itsalyssadoodIt helps to know you're not alone with your symptoms, it's reassuring and yet so sad. I've watched Angie Peacock videos before on you tube, she's amazing, I hope all goes well with your appointment. I'm always looking for testimonials on youtube for reassurance, I watch Dr Mark Horowitz a lot of the time and Dr Claire Weekes, there's something about her voice that I find comforting. Hope you feel better soon.🙏😊

[itsalyssadood]

49 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

@itsalyssadoodIt helps to know you're not alone with your symptoms, it's reassuring and yet so sad. I've watched Angie Peacock videos before on you tube, she's amazing, I hope all goes well with your appointment. I'm always looking for testimonials on youtube for reassurance, I watch Dr Mark Horowitz a lot of the time and Dr Claire Weekes, there's something about her voice that I find comforting. Hope you feel better soon.🙏😊

Ahh yes I love Claire Weekes! She was there for me two years ago when I had bad akathisia. I have a question- would you like to join our taper support text group on GroupMe app? Totally up to you, @BaccatePlayer has joined today- I feel like it’s a much quicker app for support sometimes. Here’s the link if you’re interested:

 

You're invited to my new group 'Taper Support Group' on GroupMe. Click here to join: https://groupme.com/join_group/100474416/PRY16V4D

[Sonia009]

32 minutes ago, itsalyssadood said:

Ahh yes I love Claire Weekes! She was there for me two years ago when I had bad akathisia. I have a question- would you like to join our taper support text group on GroupMe app? Totally up to you, @BaccatePlayer has joined today- I feel like it’s a much quicker app for support sometimes. Here’s the link if you’re interested:

 

You're invited to my new group 'Taper Support Group' on GroupMe. Click here to join: https://groupme.com/join_group/100474416/PRY16V4D

@itsalyssadoodHow many members are in the group?

[itsalyssadood]

9 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

@itsalyssadoodHow many members are in the group?

It’s just me and @BaccatePlayer right now 

[Sonia009]

14 minutes ago, itsalyssadood said:

It’s just me and @BaccatePlayer right now 

@itsalyssadoodI don't think I can access this on my Amazon fire. 🤔

[itsalyssadood]

18 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

@itsalyssadoodI don't think I can access this on my Amazon fire. 🤔

Oh darn! it’s an app, I’m not sure if the fire tablet has it 😕

[Sonia009]

6 minutes ago, itsalyssadood said:

Oh darn! it’s an app, I’m not sure if the fire tablet has it 😕

@itsalyssadoodI don't think it has, it's enough for me to concentrate on right here for now in any case.😊

[Catwoman73]

Hi @itsalyssadood- I'm new here, and wanted to reach out.  I'm tapering Lex as well.  This is my second go 'round with Lex- first time I tapered very quickly (over about 3 weeks), and had all the same symptoms as you.  My symptoms don't tend to kick in until below 5mg, and I'm currently at 10mg, so I'm struggling with dread about what's to come at the moment.

 

I also suffer from long covid, which is almost exactly like antidepressant withdrawal, so this should be super fun lol.  I wasn't sure that this was the right time to try to come off my Lex, but I am on long term disability with long covid, so I figure it might just be a good time, since I am home all the time anyway, and that makes it easier to deal with symptoms as they occur. 

 

Anyway... it's nice to 'meet' you, and I look forward to following your journey and supporting you along the way!

[itsalyssadood]

1 hour ago, Catwoman73 said:

Hi @itsalyssadood- I'm new here, and wanted to reach out.  I'm tapering Lex as well.  This is my second go 'round with Lex- first time I tapered very quickly (over about 3 weeks), and had all the same symptoms as you.  My symptoms don't tend to kick in until below 5mg, and I'm currently at 10mg, so I'm struggling with dread about what's to come at the moment.

 

I also suffer from long covid, which is almost exactly like antidepressant withdrawal, so this should be super fun lol.  I wasn't sure that this was the right time to try to come off my Lex, but I am on long term disability with long covid, so I figure it might just be a good time, since I am home all the time anyway, and that makes it easier to deal with symptoms as they occur. 

 

Anyway... it's nice to 'meet' you, and I look forward to following your journey and supporting you along the way!

Hi Catwoman73 ♥️

 

I am glad you are begining your journey slowly and have the time to do it while being at home. It’s a rough journey! I feel like my symptoms didn’t get bad until about 2.8/2.6 mg. I’m finding under 2 being even harder. I’m scared for when I get under 1! But I’ll do what I can, even if this takes 5 more years. Currently going though a wave now and hoping to stabilize soon, although I know my body will do it when it’s ready. I may actually take a leave from work as well. I only work part time but occasionally have to make phone calls and it’s overwhelming and panic inducing. The time to heal would be great. 

[Dee12h]

10 hours ago, itsalyssadood said:

I feel pretty lucky in that sense, but it took some time for her to understand anything about my mental health, she has a rough time accepting that she can’t fix me and it frustrates her. 
 

 

Same here. I sent her a podcast on withdrawal & it did help her to understand better.

[Dee12h]

I requested to join the groupme

[Catwoman73]

2 hours ago, itsalyssadood said:

I may actually take a leave from work as well. 

 

OMG if you have the means, do it!  Taking a breather from work has been so beneficial to me in so many ways.  Yes, it is long covid symptoms that forced the issue, but being able to just live without the stress of work has lead me on a real path of self discovery.  I've figured out that between working in a highly stressful career that I have always hated, and being heavily medicated for most of my adult life (Probably ended up on the meds because I was so damned miserable from my job lol), I don't have a clue who I really am without all of that.  It's been quite a journey already, and there's definitely more to come.

[itsalyssadood]

3 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

 

OMG if you have the means, do it!  Taking a breather from work has been so beneficial to me in so many ways.  Yes, it is long covid symptoms that forced the issue, but being able to just live without the stress of work has lead me on a real path of self discovery.  I've figured out that between working in a highly stressful career that I have always hated, and being heavily medicated for most of my adult life (Probably ended up on the meds because I was so damned miserable from my job lol), I don't have a clue who I really am without all of that.  It's been quite a journey already, and there's definitely more to come.

Yeah I think my job is stressful too! I ended up going part time about a year and a half ago so it helped but the work is so constant 😩

I have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday so I’m going to ask her for maybe a month or something. I have short term disability benefits so luckily I’ll still get pay, thank goodness! I wish I could work a normal job though 😩

[itsalyssadood]

Update for today:

 

Woke up in the same predicament this morning. 4am, then 5am and again at 6am. Those morning surges suck. 
 

About 11am I started to feel my symptoms mute. They were still there, but not as intense. I almost couldn’t believe it. I was able to go out to stores, see a friend and hold a conversation (although that did add a bit extra uptick in anxiety and overwhelm trying to hold a conversation), clean up my garage a bit and do laundry. I also ate a FULL meal at dinner!!!!! 
 

Still not 100, but this was a major improvement. 
 

it’s nighttime now, and I’m starting to feel my symptoms increase. Still a good day.. thanking God for a bit of some relief!

[Sonia009]

2 hours ago, itsalyssadood said:

Update for today:

 

Woke up in the same predicament this morning. 4am, then 5am and again at 6am. Those morning surges suck. 
 

About 11am I started to feel my symptoms mute. They were still there, but not as intense. I almost couldn’t believe it. I was able to go out to stores, see a friend and hold a conversation (although that did add a bit extra uptick in anxiety and overwhelm trying to hold a conversation), clean up my garage a bit and do laundry. I also ate a FULL meal at dinner!!!!! 
 

Still not 100, but this was a major improvement. 
 

it’s nighttime now, and I’m starting to feel my symptoms increase. Still a good day.. thanking God for a bit of some relief!

@itsalyssadoodThat's great news, a step in the right direction. Hope many more good days follow for you.🙏😊

[itsalyssadood]

Dealing with some intrusive and negative thoughts.. neuroemotions are awful. 
Cortisol is back up and symptoms are raising. I wish for it to go away completely but I won’t get my hopes up. Feels like I’ll never fully stabilize at this point. My negative thoughts are like the gas for the fire. 
 

Does anyone else find it hard to deal with these thoughts? What do you do with them? 

[itsalyssadood]

No windows today.
Pushed myself anyway- exercised, read, sat outside. 

 

I made a pact with my husband to take my phone during the day. I’m not sure if that made me worse or helped. NOTHING relieves the anxiety at this point. Just constant agony. Tomorrow I get to have a meeting with Angie Peacock for some hope and guidance.  
 

I did updose back to 1.76 tonight.  I really hope I made the right decision. It’s been 8 days of horror and I just cannot take it anymore. 

[itsalyssadood]

Another update: 

 

I am thinking that updose was not the right thing to do. I woke up out of a dead sleep in panic about peak time that the drug hits. Scared the crap out of me. My shoulders are tight and head hurts, I feel electric pulses like I’m plugged in. Is it safe to go back to 1.7 my next dose? This is crazy. That’s not even a 3 percent increase 😩
 

im messing me self up left and right. I hate this. Not sure how to tag an admin for advice. 

[Sonia009]

1 hour ago, itsalyssadood said:

Another update: 

 

I am thinking that updose was not the right thing to do. I woke up out of a dead sleep in panic about peak time that the drug hits. Scared the crap out of me. My shoulders are tight and head hurts, I feel electric pulses like I’m plugged in. Is it safe to go back to 1.7 my next dose? This is crazy. That’s not even a 3 percent increase 😩
 

im messing me self up left and right. I hate this. Not sure how to tag an admin for advice. 

@itsalyssadoodHi, it seems Gridley is your moderator, just type the @ sign followed with his name. Sorry you are going through this.🙏😊

 

[itsalyssadood]

5 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

 

@Gridley 🥺

[FireflyFyte]

7 hours ago, itsalyssadood said:

I am thinking that updose was not the right thing to do. I woke up out of a dead sleep in panic about peak time that the drug hits. Scared the crap out of me. My shoulders are tight and head hurts, I feel electric pulses like I’m plugged in. Is it safe to go back to 1.7 my next dose?

 

You have only taken one dose of the 1.76mg dose, correct?

If so, you should be safe to return to 1.7mg but would try to stay at that dose for some time so your CNS can have some stability.

[itsalyssadood]

50 minutes ago, FireflyFyte said:

 

You have only taken one dose of the 1.76mg dose, correct?

If so, you should be safe to return to 1.7mg but would try to stay at that dose for some time so your CNS can have some stability.

@FireflyFyte yes just that one dose.  Okay I’m going back to 1.7 tonight. It felt so weird, like when I first was getting on lexapro two years ago. Electrical feelings, insomnia, just felt wired and shakey. I did end up taking a lorazepam (I don’t take them often at all). 
sigh, I just gotta get through.  
 

Do you think this type of situation can kindle a person? Hypothetically 

[Dee12h]

Were you feeling much better on 1.8? 
Have you woken up in panic around that time before?
If you can, take your dose early enough so you notice how you feel in the few hours afterwards. I take mine at 6 so it’s at peak at bedtime (11). Lex is 5 hours, I believe.

It is safe, but you want to make sure it was the med, so you don’t keep going up & down. It takes 6 days to even out the amount in your brain.

[itsalyssadood]

2 hours ago, Dee12h said:

Were you feeling much better on 1.8? 
Have you woken up in panic around that time before?
If you can, take your dose early enough so you notice how you feel in the few hours afterwards. I take mine at 6 so it’s at peak at bedtime (11). Lex is 5 hours, I believe.

It is safe, but you want to make sure it was the med, so you don’t keep going up & down. It takes 6 days to even out the amount in your brain.

So I met with Angie. We both agreed to stay on 1.7 and stabilize.  Might take 2,4,8 months. Back off on benzos as they actually may be making me worse. She suggested to keep everything the same and not to disrupt the nervous system. Also my pdoc is going to place me on a leave from work. 

[BaccatePlayer]

Do you feel calmer now, Alyssa? You have a mod, Angie and me agreeing on your situation. Does this plan sound logical? It's very beneficial to learn to differentiate impulses and long term logical thoughts. Sometimes this is exactly what helps a wave to be more bearable.