kittychrist - Has anyone had similar experience and have they recovered?

[kittychrist]

Hello everyone.

 

I had a psychotic episode in August 2022. Cannabis induced. Cannabis was possibly laced or sprayed with chemicals. I became very paranoid, didn't have visual or auditory hallucinations, but definitely was living in my own reality.

Same month I was put in mental hospital for 3 weeks. Was given Risperidone 2mg tablets while I was there then when I was released and was put on compulsory treatment order and also put on Risperidone Consta injections 37.5ml.

First Injection I had was on 1st of September. Then an injection every two weeks.

After couple of injections I started noticing that I get exhausted by afternoon (About 3 pm) which was surprising.

After more injections I noticed that by late afternoon all I wanted to do is lay in bed and do nothing which was alarming.

Until one day, in October, I woke up and I felt extremely exhausted and extremely fatigued. I couldn't do much, but eat, lay in bed, even watching TV was very difficult, I had to force myself to do anything. I wanted to kill myself from the way I felt.

I begged psychiatrists to cancel the injections, but they didn't. They changed the dose in December down to 25ml, but that didn't seem to change much. Only stopped them in Jan 5th 2023.

I used to be a very active person, used to walk a lot (couple of times I walked 20km in one go, but 2-3hours on average a day), used to train 6 times a week, run 12km in the mornings, make music, draw, read a lot, play video games, have many interests, was very talkative, basically always doing something, I was alive

9 weeks later after the injections stopped. I don't really want to do anything, but lay in bed. I'm sort of able to watch TV now. I have to force myself to cook a meal, to go for walks, there is no enthusiasm or excitement about things. Just feel weak and unmotivated. 

I'm really worried about what's happening to me.

Psychiatrists really haven't answered this question "what is happening to me and why this is happening"

 

Thank you for your time

[manymoretodays]

Hi there kittychrist and welcome to our site,

Thanks for sharing.  It's been a very long 8 months for you.  I understand.  Yes, people have recovered from AP(antipsychotic) drug treatment. 

 

What has happened is that you are now recovering from the Risperidone Consta injections and some of the changes that the drug made to your brain and neuro transmitter and receptor functions.  And then how that related to your overall feelings and functioning.

 

  

On 8/30/2011 at 1:28 PM, Rhiannon said:

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

I just pulled this ^ quote/excerpt from the first post in the following topic. How psychiatric drugs remodel the brain 

 

Here is our topic on: tapering off Risperdal(risperidone) which will tell you a little more about the drug and then ways to taper

 

In your case at 9 weeks since your last injection, it has self tapered.  At least to some degree.

 

Unfortunately, it may take further time, until you return to how you felt before.  Are you feeling even just a little more like yourself yet?

 

Are you continued on any tablets now?

 

Are you on any other drugs at present?  Or have you been in the past?

 

The best way to make this clear to us now, would be to do a signature.

Look at the first post:  How to Summarize Your Drug History in Your Signature 

This part is just for your drugs. 

 

I'll try to help with what you have written in narrative.

 

2022 August- inpatient-  Risperidone 2 mg tablets for 3 weeks

2022 early September Risperidone Consta(injection) 37.5 mg started, continued every 2 weeks until

2022 December Risperidone Consta 25 mg

2023 January 5th last Risperidone Consta 25 mg injection

 

So now, just fill in with the year and approximate months if any drugs prior to August.

Do the same with anything started since your last injection.

 

Then put it all into the signature.  You'll see how to gain access to where to put it, your information, in the link, the underlined passage, above.

 

On 3/8/2023 at 4:29 PM, kittychrist said:

9 weeks later after the injections stopped. I don't really want to do anything, but lay in bed. I'm sort of able to watch TV now. I have to force myself to cook a meal, to go for walks, there is no enthusiasm or excitement about things. Just feel weak and unmotivated. 

I'm really worried about what's happening to me.

 

Some improvements are wonderful to hear of kittychrist.  So this sounds very promising ^.  I would recommend that you keep on doing what you can while you await further healing and improvement.  We often see healing in a Waves and Windows pattern of stabilizaton  So pay attention to when you feel better, or more like your old self.  However slowly or with time, I think it will come.

 

Are you still under mandated treatment?  And do you have some local supports through this all?

 

Okay, welcome and I did want to get you started today.  We will see when you reply as well, as you'll still be in new person status.  So reply right here.

This will be your topic now.  You've introduced yourself to the community, and you can journal, do updates, ask more questions, and generally use this as your home base.  You may find more of others experiences with the Risperidone in that tapering thread too.  You may not find an exact match to your own experience but some great understanding here of what you must be now going through.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

moderator manymoretodays(mmt)

 

Edited March 11, 2023 by manymoretodays

[ComezWithARisk]

Did you recover? Please say yes :(

[kittychrist]

Not yet. And I think there is still a long way to go...

 

My idea of being recovered would be: "waking up fresh and rested in the mornings, going for 6-12 mile run, going to uni for a day, studying at home for few hours then hitting the gym...like this every day until the weekend then climbing a mountain on the weekend or playing football...and most likely spending most of spare time staying up late coding with my friend. listening to a lot of new music everyday"

 

ATM every muscle is stiff burning up and in hell of a pain, every joint pops, cracks, shoots, i grind my teeth, twist my hair a lot, i'm on ibuprofen and pregabalin every day so i can sleep. most of my days i spend in bed, watching movies or sit in online chats watch people talk but barely talk myself, pushed away a lot of my friends and family.

 

I'll type out the whole story here...if anyone likes stories they can read that. hopefully it be will helpful to someone else whos going thru the same process.

 

Injections stopped in February.

 

February. If i didnt have 50meg of ritalin a day. i could barely function: "I literally lay in bed, breathing with eyes closed, freaking out, watching thoughts in my mind. I had a tv news channel going for some background noise, which was helpful. I messaged my family and my friends all the time, but talking and messaging was hard i felt so tired and lazy. sometimes i pushed myself to go for a walk around the town, take myself out and be sitting outside the house having fresh air watching birds and people doing stuff. id get up to make a quick meal. get up to take a dump and shower. but mostly laid in bed like a slab of meat, scared.

 

when i had my 50 ritalin i'd go for further walks to the beach, walk on a beach some, read bible, took a bus to town to go to sauna, i also started taking supplements like go adrenal fatigue which had some htp5, tyrosine, B vitamin complex, stimulant herbs like ginseng, magnesium, zinc etc which made a huge difference. gave me more focus, clarity and energy. sometimes i felt like listening to music, but i felt nothing still. looked at beautiful sunrise - still felt nothing. i couldn't use my imagination, day dream or think positively at all. i lost that ability completely. couldn't get an erection either.

 

during antipsychotic injections and after i developed gut problems. every time i went to have a bm, it would come out partially (sometimes i went 4 times a day). and most of the day i felt like crap stuck in my ass, causing lots of discomfort. thanks to that problem, i started having anal fissures and hemorrhoids. i used laxatives and torn my rectum. it would take a couple of months to heal and tear all over. 

 

March-April. One day I felt better I did some exercises and went for a 4 mile run...the next day i was in agonizing pain and could barely walk. it felt like stepping on a knife, putting pressure on feet would result in whole body going in spasm and hurt all over. Everyone told me to take it easy...but impatience and desire to get better, along with frustration took a hold of me. and i paid for my mistake. whole of march and april was really really painful. it was hell.

i tried escitalopram(10mg a day) for couple of weeks. had serious side effects - it didnt go well for me. id have panic attacks and heart palpitations for hours. no energy. extreme fatigue. and it was really hard to get off it. so my doctor Frankenstein replaced escitalopram with venlafaxine (150mg). i thought i was going thru rough time then...i was so wrong. i had worse reaction to venlafaxine. ive never had such awful migraine. i couldnt sleep. so i was laying in bed with my thoughts racing, suffering from migraine and insomnia. my vision went blurry. i couldnt see past 5 meters. which was scary. that side effect lasted for a month after me stopping venlafaxine. i had bile taste in my mouth also. and i had brain zaps for over a month. what helped me thru. laying in bed listening to binaural beats and brainwashing myself that body is getting better and my mind is recovering. and every day gets better and better. that sorta stuff. during this time i wasnt taking go adrenal fatigue because it has htp5 to go. during this time i was also dealing with painful anal fissure and hem. was trying any meds to improve the situation. i was so frustrated and over everything. i tried some pills that destroyed my gut completely. i became very sick. i was puking bile. was pale. even if i drank water id burp and want to throw up. most days i lied on my side in fetal position having thoughts like "im dying". i ate oat poridge on water and plain rice. with time this situation improved. but for very long time id feel sick after bm or eating. tonnes of chamomile tea and valerian root/beer hops at night help me get thru this. drinking gaviscon, taking probiotics and enzymes also improved the situation. 

 

May. My anal fissure seemed to heal. Started taking go adrenal fatigue again, ginko beloba. Started using transurfing techniques...which worked. id do my tibetan rites, go for 1.5 hours walk (3 laps around the town which is 9 miles) while i walk i would imagine me living life how it used to be, with every detail, to the point what shorts and socks i wear in this image. the sounds the smells. how i go to the gym what i see and hear at the gym. how i do coding. read books. take notes. colours of the software i use. so at this point i was able to visualise. saying the things i visualise helped. yes i walked around the town talking to myself imagining things i want to be doing. one day i started watching master class about android coding. i did that for many hours. stayed up whole night doing it. next day i was coding in python - coding my own ai. 3 days of doing nights of coding. my brain died. i went for a walk did my pilates (tibetan rites). but i laid in bed tired to do anything and my brain was exhausted. i couldnt even watch tv thats how tired my brain was. eventually i started watching football and movies. and a week later started coding again. learning about deep learning, machine learning, ai, statistics, looking at financial reports, learning bout investing, finances. a week later i was reading 30 pages a day about blockchain technology. it was up and down. i'd go for two days of 6 hours of studying and my brain would be exhausted after and i just lay in bed doing nothing. when i felt like my muscles too sore and too stiff i stopped exercise and walks and went to sauna for a few hours. and it really helped.

 

 June. I torn my rectum all over. Got very depressed. I go for 6 miles walk. Doing tibetan rites made all my muscles hurt, so i had to stop. Ointment gives terrible migraines, low blood pressure and weakness, but effective. Lots of days were unproductive, eat, ****, sleep, watch tv or movies, sit in chats watching people talk, occasionally talk myself when felt better. listening to music. i'm on 150-300 meg of pregabalin, ibuprofen but i still feel awful pain everywhere. when i felt better i did some gaming for hours. did some studying twice. to help me solve gut/constipation problem i started taking table spoon of psylum husk twice a day. changed my diet to mostly puree pumpkin soups, chicken broth, stale rustic white bred with no grains or seeds, no vegies with skins like beans, sometimes meat when i crave it but its diced and baked. drink1-1.5 liters of chamomile. 2 liters of juice and up to a liter of water. eat heaps of apple sauce. rice with tune. bananas. that gave me a nice type 4 logs which solved the gut problem caused by antipsychotics. but it takes a couple of month to heal a fissure...Over all it feels like i went back into March-April stage. After the glimpse of hope - i'm back to square zero. over all i dont feel like i near to being my old self. I haven't been taking noorotropics like ginko biloba and havent taken adrenal go fatigue supplements for a week. it made a huge difference. without supplements and noorotropics i dont really function much. i just feel messed up. grinding my teeth all the time and twisting my hair non stop (never done it in my life until started on injections). very sore all over. obviously my muscles and joints arent ready for exercising.

 

23-06-2023. I started on 500meg tyrosine and 2000mg ginko biloba. already feel huge difference. clarity and focus in my mind is super. in couple of days ill continue with adrenal fatigue complex and also start on BCAA's. BCAA's is basically instant muscle recovery after work outs.

 

Going back a bit. August-January. Extreme fatigue. even 50meg of ritalin make no difference. Feels like im carrying a grown man on my shoulders. A walk to super market is half a mile. I'd walk slower than 70 year old ladies. I'm very scared. I never felt this weak and vulnerable in my life before. I'm in new city, in a cheap motel full of gangsters and druggies and i'm all by myself. every day there is police in the motel and gangsters getting busted. every day some drama and fights. i pray to God every day. all i can do atm is get up, have a quick meal, a cereal or a sandwich and go back to bed. im laying in bed with not a single positive thought, grinding my teeth and twisting my hair. there is not enough brain power to even watch a tv - just no focus at all. so for a month all i did was went to super market and back, laid in bed whole day and had 3 meals. i wanted to kill myself because that felt like pure hell. i wanted to cry but i couldnt. i felt nothing, but despair. once the dose was reduced i was able to do a little bit more...i started reading. playin chess on my phone. watch youtube. walk more. but still every day i felt like "i cant take this anymore..." and "i don't wanna do anything but lay in bed..." . id been taking adrenal fatigue complex and ginko biloba that made a tiny bit of difference.

 

i registered with a place which was like a hang out place for people with mental illnesses - no judgment, be yourself, come chill with us, there are fun activities, cook ups, a lounge with computers, tv and chess tables, a garden, a library, a chill-out lounge. I started going there every day. I was too scared to stay on my own with my thoughts and in that weak/terrified state. So i was with people. Listening to what they talk bout and being with a crowd. There were stuff that would listen to you, to whatever you want to talk about and give advice. So that pulled me thru...I played chess with people

 

i signed up for finance managing assistance. met this lovely christian dude who invited me to a church one time. for the first time i was able to feel joy. it was so positive in there. people singing songs. being nice and positive. so i made some friends in church. i explained the situation. i thought i was gonna be by myself on Christmas, all depressed, in a "gangsta-paradise motel", but no. my new friends invited me to a barbecue. i made more friends. i was with a positive lovely bunch and it felt good. new friends took me to parks, restaurants, gatherings. i started to go to church every sunday. until i met a couple of people that really put a lot of effort into me, to make sure i dont kill myself, to make sure i make it thru. one friend took me for a walks around the giant lake. took me to cinema and bowling. another friend kept taking me to all this parks and telling me the history of the city, crack jokes, and being upbeat positive company that really pulled me thru. So eventually i started walking a lot. My days started to flow even though i felt like a tired zombie all the time. My new friends would message me on my phone to check on me which was nice. 

 

To summarize:

What helps: 

 

1) Being patient and taking it easy is the most important. if you rush your recovery - you will mess yourself up and become even worse. 

2) Acceptance - accepting the fact that this year is a **** show and not much is gonna be achieved. Finding peace with that fact.

3) Becoming your own best friend and being nice to yourself. If you feel like not doing anything just let it be. Let yourself lay there like a slab of meat. Comparing yourself to others will do no good. Remind yourself they arent going thru the same shii as you are. they havent been thru a psychosis, months in a mental home, months of horrible injections

4) Reminding yourself that this shall pass.

5) Remembering the good moments from your life. like that time you and your friend climbed a mountain. like those times you and your team mates training together, cracking jokes and feeling good about life. This is a good reminder that the life wasnt always a **** show.

6) Day regime. Get up at the same time every day, go for a walk, tame a dumb, shower, breakfast, etc. its a lot easier to pull urself out for a walk that way. 

7) Wim Hof breathing.

8) nootropics like ginko and tyrosine helped

9) adrenal fatigue complex: minerals, vitamins B, stimulant herbs, a bit of htp

10) stopping coffee

11) if antipsychotics ruin your gut - phylum husk and BRAT diet. tones of chamomile tea.

12) friends. nice and positive people. being with them. texting them. 

13) nature. beach. walks

14) whatever happens - you just gotta keep going, ticking the days over.

15) do relaxing stuff. like sauna and getting massages.

 

Stuff that doesnt help:

1) Reading posts on reddit. a lot of negative and hopeless stuff on there. reading that made me afraid and depressed.

2) Comparing yourself to others

3) Pushing yourself. Do a little bit of exercise and see how you feel the next day. 

4) Becoming your own enemy. Calling yourself a loser. Hating yourself for being unwell basically.

5) Expectations. You might have a window where you can perform but then you will get a crash...its normal

6) Opening up to a wrong crowd. They will ignore everything you said and will respond in the way that is based on their own experience which is far out from what you have gone thru...and it just makes you feel like **** about yourself in the end.

7) self diagnose. reading stuff on reddit or google then self diagnosing. that could lead to trying all this different meds and remedies out of desperation and getting a poisoning and messing yourself up even more.

 

 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @kittychrist

 

Which of your drug-related symptoms has gotten better?

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

[kittychrist]

1)I'm able to walk a lot more. On good days up to 12 miles.

2)I don't get those awful days where I feel very weak physically and mentally, therefore lay in bed whole day freaking out

3)Focus got a lot better

4)Brain power got better, but not at that point where I would face a coding challenge like debugging and rip into it - just seems like too much atm

5)Able to visualize and think positive, but i have to say it aloud, and its a quite a bit of work

6)Don't get panic attacks in public transport

7)Can read technical stuff now, but 2 days in a row and my mind is "cooked"

8 More comfortable being by myself.

9) Listen to more music and able to feel a lot more often

10) watch more movies and football

 

I think that's about it. Cheers

[Altostrata]

Good to hear!

 

Your drug and withdrawal history in your signature will help us understand how far you've come.

 

 

[ComezWithARisk]

What medications are you taking at the moment.Do you still have the gut problems?

where you taking ritalin before taking risperdal consta?

 

[kittychrist]

So i have been on ritalin since 2016. Never had any problems with it. Helped me doing tidious/necessary type of work a lot.

 

ATM im taking pregabalin (150mg) which helps me with nerve pain a bit. I take 50mg ritalin. 

 

Have been taking Tyrosine for almost a month now and it caused more troubles than help to me honest. That was a serious mistake.

 

Had a real bad reaction to it. From now on no more. Here im working hard to fix my gut and my head, and undoing it with Tyrosine.

 

Get covered in stress hives that are like blisters. Stomach upsets. High blood pressure. Sore joints. Then i get this unpleasant crashes from it. 

 

I use an ointment Rectogesic that lowers blood pressure when applied, without Tyrosibe it was fine with Tyrosine all my body is just throbbing and pumping like im about to have aneurism.

 

Was ok for a bit. gave me clarity and focus. but after some time started being a living hell... 

 

I wouldnt recommend to Tyrosine to anyone. Would recommend be patient and wait till your brain dopamine receptors recover naturally. Cuz i think i burnt my out with Tyrosine...

 

 

[kittychrist]

God Im an idiot...

[Altostrata]

Before further discussion, Please summarize your drug and withdrawal history in your signature

 

[ComezWithARisk]

On 7/16/2023 at 10:45 PM, kittychrist said:

God Im an idiot...

Are you healed now?