ImpoliteThanks: The beginning of recovery after severe adverse reactions

[ImpoliteThanks]

Hello everybody,

 

I'm pleased to meet all of you. I am a 32 year old male living in Poland. I would like to share my story in search of support and to support others who might find themselves in a similar situation.

 

Please check out my signature for a brief summary of the meds I took.

 

The past three months have been the worst months of my life and I'm struggling to find hope that better times are coming. In January this year I successfully came off Venafaxine. It was an uneventful taper (except for a few brain zaps) over the course of several weeks. I was really happy to be medication free. However, no later than a few weeks after my taper I lost my job (for unrelated reasons, not within my power). Then I fell sick with mononucleosis which kept me homebound for the entire month of March. Finding a new job was really difficult due to mono and the job market suffering a terrible dive. All of this I suffered stuck in a 12 sqm. rented room.

 

Now, in April I suddenly started having nights of bad sleep. Was it my life situation? Was it mono? Was it delayed withdrawal from Venlafaxine? I will never know but since then my sleep has only been getting worse. Near the end of April I started having nights of zero sleep and spells of extreme anxiety. Near the end of April I figured that coming off the medication in January might've been a mistake. I really wanted to stay clean but I had just gotten a freelance job and needed to keep it. I got in touch with a psychiatrist who prescribed me 5->10mg of escitalopram.

 

This is how the worst time of my life begins.

 

I never had trouble starting antidepressants before. This time was different. Escitalopram got me feeling the deepest emotional pain imaginable. In fact it was beyond what I ever imagined to be the worst emotional state. Everything and everyone, including my loved ones, felt hostile and pointless. After several days of 5mg I noticed there's a song stuck in my head for a tad longer than I was used to. Ever since then, I've had a song stuck in my head non-stop. I survived 8 days on this drug and that's 8 days too long.

 

In the meantime I moved in with my parents to recover. I called my psychiatrist and told her about what happened to which she replied that it's a pity I didn't stick it out with escitalopram. She prescribed me 30mg of duloxetine. I took it for seven days and quit CT. I decided to prioritize my health over the job or anything else and try to deal with the situation without meds. The following weeks I experienced:

 

• tension building up at the back of my head (felt somewhat like an electric charge)
• extreme irritability and sensitivity to sounds
• nights of:
  • being jolted awake as soon as I was about to fall asleep
  • awakening several times feeling like id just regained consciousness from passing out rather than sleeping. sweaty and confused
  • feeling like throughout the night I was experiencing strange states of consciousness
  • never falling into deep sleep and waking up realizing my mind was busy with the earworm for the entire night

 

As my sleep was torture and during the day I was tormented by the earworm I called my psychiatrist once more... I was prescribed sertraline, with hopes that I will tolerate it well since I had been successfully on it before (see signature).

 

I wish I never took that sertraline. I wish I never took any of these drugs. Ever. Zoloft sent me through the roof. For the four days I took it I was not able to sleep at all. After every dose taken I ended up with akathisia and near the end I experienced something that I would call an electrical storm spreading across my entire body and the back of my head. The following days my muscles would randomly become stiff and a host of paralyzing problems began.

 

To this day this is what I experience:

 

• the inability to feel tired or sleepy (I'm only able to sleep on drugs such as quetiapine or olanzapine)
• severe impairment of memory:
  • I feel like every time I walk into a room is the first time.
  • I keep leaving things around, not remembering I have them with me etc.
  • I forget the things I wrote two sentences earlier. 
• no sense of time. I can't establish what time is it or how much time has passed. It also translates to long-term context.
• derealization
• weak limbs
• constant earworms

 

I stopped sertraline after four days, on june 13. To this day none of the symptoms have subsided, except maybe the weakness of limbs comes and goes.

 

As much as stopping all medications would be my first instinct I am currently on 10mg olanzapine and 150mg of pregabalin because I truly am unable to feel tired or sleepy and the extent of sleep deprivation was getting dangerous. Even on this combination of drugs I miss a lot of sleep though...

 

I feel like just the insomnia is enough to make my life hell for the next few years but when on top of it I think of the severe cognitive impairment I lose all hope of ever being a functional human being again. I wish I'd never taken any psychiatric medication. I wish I'd treated my anxiety and sleep issues with therapy. I wish I'd never prioritized achieving goals over my own mental and physical health. Please tell me there's hope for a second chance to do things right.

 

Thank you to whoever made it to the end of this post. I wish you all good health.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @ImpoliteThanks

 

You are now taking olanzapine and gabapentin for sleep? Why both of them? What is your sleep pattern now?

 

When did you start each of these drugs? Please enter this in your signature.

 

Are you interested in going off either of these drugs?

[ImpoliteThanks]

Hi and thanks for your reply @Altostrata.

 

6 hours ago, Altostrata said:

You are now taking olanzapine and gabapentin for sleep? Why both of them? What is your sleep pattern now?

 

I am currently on 10mg olanzapine and 150mg of pregabalin as prescribed by my doctor for sleep and whatever mood disorder causes my insomnia.

 

The problem with sleep is that for the past two months I haven't felt sleepy one single time. This combination of drugs seems to put me to some sort of sleep for a few hours every night but it's nothing close to natural sleep.

 

I'm afraid my brain has been permanently damaged by sertraline. Ever since I took it and experienced what I described in the original post (probably a form of serotonin toxicity), I stopped feeling sleepy and developed cognitive impairment so bad that it makes me cry every day. On top of that I've been feeling extremely dissociated and foggy, unable to sense the passing of time (an all levels: seconds, minutes, days, weeks) and physically weak.

 

6 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Are you interested in going off either of these drugs?

 

I would love to go off all the drugs but the problem is that I absolutely and totally don't get any sleep without them...

 

 

[Altostrata]

18 hours ago, ImpoliteThanks said:

I absolutely and totally don't get any sleep without them

 

Why do you think this?

 

On 8/1/2023 at 1:45 AM, ImpoliteThanks said:

the severe cognitive impairment

 

The drugs you're taking cause this as an adverse effect.

 

What times o'clock do you take each of your drugs, with their dosages? 

 

18 hours ago, ImpoliteThanks said:

I'm afraid my brain has been permanently damaged by sertraline. Ever since I took it and experienced what I described in the original post (probably a form of serotonin toxicity), I stopped feeling sleepy

 

This started in 2015? Did it stop when you went off sertraline in 2016 or so?

[ImpoliteThanks]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Why do you think this?

 

Firstly, I never get sleepy. And I really mean it, no exceptions, day or night for the past two months (since I had a reaction to sertraline in June)

Secondly, about a month ago I stopped all meds for 3 days and didn't sleep a minute of it. After more than 60 hrs of no sleep at all I still didn't feel sleepy. Only that my body was crying for rest.

 

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

What times o'clock do you take each of your drugs, with their dosages? 

 

I take 75mg pregabalin at 9am and another 75mg at 8pm.

Olanzapine I take about an hour before bedtime.

 

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

The drugs you're taking cause this as an adverse effect.

 

I understand that they can partly contribute but altogether the mental impairment begun exactly after my reaction to Zoloft. The severity and persistence of it is too high for me to believe it could be caused by current meds. It feels like brain damage.

 

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

This started in 2015? Did it stop when you went off sertraline in 2016 or so?

 

It started after the adverse reaction to sertraline I had in June this year. I was already sleep deprived when I started taking it and took it together with hydroxyzine. Both sleep deprivation and hydroxyzine elevate serotonin levels and in combination with Zoloft I believe it caused serotonin toxicity. It took me 4 days to realize that the meds are causing me harm because I attributed much of the symptoms to sleep deprivation. I believe it was a severe case of serotonin syndrome which went untreated and caused brain damage...

 

My life has been hell ever since then. My head is completely empty, I'm anhedonic, dissociated, mentally impaired, weak and even on a cocktail of medicine I only get 5 hrs of sleep on average. Everything feels overwhelming, distant and pointless. I used to love life very much. Now it's been ruined forever by antidepressants.

[Altostrata]

I am not seeing your problem as withdrawal syndrome, though you had withdrawal insomnia before. Your current difficulty sleeping is probably because you're taking an excessive amount of olanzapine and some useless pregabalin.

 

It appears you were prescribed olanzapine and pregabalin at the same time, correct? What effect does the 9 a.m. dose of pregabalin have on you?

 

Why do you take both pregabalin and olanzapine in the evening?

[ImpoliteThanks]

Thanks for your reply.

 

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

It appears you were prescribed olanzapine and pregabalin at the same time, correct?

 

Correct, they were prescribed by the same psychiatrist to fix my sleep.

 

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

What effect does the 9 a.m. dose of pregabalin have on you?

 

Hmmm it often feels like it makes me slow and useless. But it's something I was told to expect for the time being.

 

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Why do you take both pregabalin and olanzapine in the evening?

 

Everything according to my doctor's prescription. Olanzapine is supposed to make me drowsy and sleep better. So is pregabalin.

 

None of it matters much in light of the fact that my cognitive issues and the complete lack of sleepiness came about directly after serotonin toxicity. My brain feels fried ever since then and I don't believe in recovery anymore. I feel like I had a lobotomy and don't feel life is worth living anymore. I'm waiting to see what happens but I'm not expecting much anymore. Just trying to reconcile with death at this point.

[Altostrata]

21 hours ago, ImpoliteThanks said:

None of it matters much in light of the fact that my cognitive issues and the complete lack of sleepiness came about directly after serotonin toxicity. My brain feels fried ever since then and I don't believe in recovery anymore.

 

No point in further discussion, then.

 

Let us know if you want to taper your drugs.

[ImpoliteThanks]

hello again everybody,

 

checking in after some time. unfortunately no improvements, and im desperate... im so scared that this is not withdrawal but permanent brain injury

• no sleep drive at all and never feel tired
• almost no short term memory
• dyschronometria - complete inability to gauge amount of time passed
• 24/7 earworms and random words repeating
• new memories are very scarce and lack chronology
• insane tinnitus
• after images
• derealization, feeling as if high on something bad 24/7

can it be withdrawal or am i stuck like this forever? ive no windows or waves, every day is the same.

 

because of GAD and trouble sleeping i was put on venlafaxine 150-225mg from 2020 until january 2023. then in april i was suddenly hit with extreme anxiety and insomnia. in may i was put on escitalopram and had an awful reaction to it (took for 8 days), then duloxetine another awful reaction (took for 7 days) and then zoloft with the most awful disgusting reaction which felt like frying my brain alive (survived 4 days of that). Ever since the last reaction im in hell. It happened in June. Today im only on quetiapine 200mg for sleep and "depression" as my psychiatrist calls all of the above symptoms.

[Altostrata]

Quote

august 2023: switched to 200mg quetiapine and quickly tapered pregabalin

 

Hello, @ImpoliteThanks It appears in the last few months, you had quite a few drug changes. 

 

Frequent drug changes are wearing on the nervous system. Every time you make a drug change, your nervous system has to adapt. When it's also been upset by adverse drug effects, it can get overwhelmed by the changes.

 

You have a long history back to 2015 of going on and off drugs, adverse drug effects, and withdrawal syndrome. What we've seen here is that often causes people to become hypersensitive to psychiatric drugs, and often other drugs, supplements, and even foods.

 

On 8/12/2023 at 3:48 PM, Altostrata said:

Your current difficulty sleeping is probably because you're taking an excessive amount of olanzapine and some useless pregabalin.

 

When your system has been sensitized by repeated adverse drug events, it's possible to overdo ordinarily sedating drugs such as olanzapine, pregabalin, and quetiapine and get a paradoxical reaction: Instead of the drug making you sleepy, it keeps you awake.

 

As before, you've probably made too many drug changes too often and you're probably taking too much drug now.

 

We don't have any magic solutions for this, all we can suggest is that if you reduce to a lower amount of quetiapine, you might find it works better. Or, it could be that quetiapine isn't the right drug for you at all. Ultimately, you may need to let your nervous system settle down from being slammed around by psychiatric drug changes and adverse events -- by stopping any drugs.

[ImpoliteThanks]

Thank you @Altostrata. I really hope that all it is is an upset nervous system which will find stabilization eventually.

 

Im afraid I wont sleep at all without the quetiapine but i will consider tapering it to a lower dose as i dont see a reason to take 200mg just for sleep. What dose do you think is reasonable and how should i taper safely?

[Altostrata]

How did you switch from olanzapine to quetiapine and how did that go?

[ImpoliteThanks]

the switch was about a week long. i halved the olanzapine from 10mg to 5mg and introduced 100mg of quetiapine. the last day was 200mg quetiapine and 5mg olanzapine and from there on just the quetiapine. it went pretty well, no adverse effects.

 

on quetiapine im much more active during the day but it gives me RLS and quite intense vertigo soon after taking. those two side effects havent really abated this past month that ive been taking it.

[Altostrata]

You've been taking quetiapine for a month or for a week? When did you increase to 200mg? Please supply dates for your switch process.

[ImpoliteThanks]

the switch was exactly 5 days long: august 25 - august 29. therefore its now been about a month of taking quetiapine.

[Altostrata]

You may be taking too much quetiapine, which is paradoxically interfering with your sleep. Suggest you start reducing by 10% as described in Tips for tapering off quetiapine (Seroquel)

 

[ShadowDancer]

Hello @ImpoliteThanks How's your sleep drive now?

[ImpoliteThanks]

 

2 hours ago, ShadowDancer said:

Hello @ImpoliteThanks How's your sleep drive now?

 

hi @ShadowDancer, its completely gone

[ShadowDancer]

Can you fall asleep at all? 

How many hours do you get?

Do you have any sleepless nights?

[ImpoliteThanks]

i only fall into a sleep-like state when i take quetiapine. otherwise i dont sleep at all. i take quetiapine every night and end up getting a couple of hours of rest every 2 nights. all the other nights i get no sleep at all. i never sleep deeply and usually just have long and vivid dreams whilst i remain partly conscious. 

[ShadowDancer]

Check my topic if you want.

You and I share the same symptoms.

May God help us.

[ImpoliteThanks]

thank you i will check it. sorry to hear about another suffering soul