You are never really alone

[FeralCatman]

I've always been a loner even though I've been married twice. Since I was a very little kid I've always had the tendency to turn inward to deal with things. That's carried forward through several decades on this planet. Going through withdrawal and recovery is the first time in my life that my typical way of dealing with things just does not work. You have to have somebody to reach out to somewhere to get through this.

 

I live alone pretty much in the middle of nowhere and it's just me and my two cats and the wildlife that meander around my property.  I have an immune deficiency and am on a medication that restricts what I can take on top of withdrawal restricting what I can take so I can't have visitors. Without having found this website and the people on it I don't think I would be able to get through this. Outside of this I have my dad and one other friend. They are crucial to getting through this.

 

For those of you who live alone and have no support system close by I hope that you are able to see, and when you need to, remember, that you have thousands of brothers and sisters in arms going through this with you. Please don't be afraid to reach out to people on this website because we are all here to get through this together and you are never alone. Reach out if you need help and someone here will get back to you. This is a great place to be just to find some simple understanding and kindness. 😉✌️😺😺

[Catina7]

14 minutes ago, FeralCatman said:

I've always been a loner even though I've been married twice. Since I was a very little kid I've always had the tendency to turn inward to deal with things. That's carried forward through several decades on this planet. Going through withdrawal and recovery is the first time in my life that my typical way of dealing with things just does not work. You have to have somebody to reach out to somewhere to get through this.

 

I live alone pretty much in the middle of nowhere and it's just me and my two cats and the wildlife that meander around my property.  I have an immune deficiency and am on a medication that restricts what I can take on top of withdrawal restricting what I can take so I can't have visitors. Without having found this website and the people on it I don't think I would be able to get through this. Outside of this I have my dad and one other friend. They are crucial to getting through this.

 

For those of you who live alone and have no support system close by I hope that you are able to see, and when you need to, remember, that you have thousands of brothers and sisters in arms going through this with you. Please don't be afraid to reach out to people on this website because we are all here to get through this together and you are never alone. Reach out if you need help and someone here will get back to you. This is a great place to be just to find some simple understanding and kindness. 😉✌️😺😺

 

You sound like an awesome person FCM (or should I say "pawsome" person? lol).  I'm glad to have found this site too.  I think being able to help others is one of the things that keeps me going.  We are all here for each other for kindness, support, and understanding.  P.S.  I'm kind of a loner myself (truth be told). ❤️

[Catina7]

I saw this today on Facebook and thought I'd share it here:

[UnfoldingSky]

Great posts. I recall reading somewhere that you are never truly alone as life always surrounds you...It may not be human life directly nearby, but, other species are always there. 

 

At some of my worst times it was actually other species that helped me, sometimes even wild animals.  

[FeralCatman]

9 hours ago, Catina7 said:

I saw this today on Facebook and thought I'd share it here:

Yup

[FeralCatman]

As is everybody else on this website I am of course going through a lot right now. As a result of jumping off the Seroquel two years ago I have recently started having lots of memories flooding back and emotions turning back on that I thought were long since dead. They weren't, they were just under lock and key. I won't lie it's quite overwhelming because I've been sedated for so long I forgot how to deal with stuff like this. It is quite the re-learning experience. This website has taught me something valuable and I want to share that with everybody but I have to give a little bit of the backstory first so hang in there with me.

 

I was first medicated when I was in the Navy for what was diagnosed as bipolar disorder but I now realize it was just a simple breakdown due to the extreme conditions I lived under in the submarine service and some other factors that I actually can't discuss. Prior to that I had had some issues with depression due to trauma as a child. This led to 29 years and still going of being medicated and remedicated but nothing ever really worked. The Seroquel tamped down on things and at least allowed me to sleep initially but as with all these drugs it eventually turned on me.

 

I've been in therapy for a long time but I'm now realizing that it could only go so far while on the medication because so much was suppressed. One of the theories that we came up with is that I may in fact be autistic but very high on the Spectrum as a result of things that occurred when I was very young. I used to throw fits and oftentimes when picked up I would bite pretty hard. The details don't matter but I've always been a bit of a loner and baffled by people and always kept off to the side trying to figure it all out which led to the possibility of my being autistic.

 

Now that all my emotions are coming back online I'm realizing that that's probably not my problem or is  not the biggest problem. I think I may be suffering from a problem that is common amongst people who get medicated. A fear of Abandonment and a lack of love. As a child there wasn't a lot of love in my house and there certainly weren't a lot of hugs and closeness. I don't ever remember hearing the words I love you from anybody in my family. As a result I never felt like I had anybody to turn to and so at a very very young age I learned to turn inward and I've been doing that for several decades. Over the course of my life I've had repeated abandonment starting with feeling abandoned at home, then abandoned by the Navy when I started to struggle, my wives left right when I needed someone to be there the most, and of course now having turned to the mental health system I've suffered horrendous abuse and now that they've really made a mess and don't know how to clean it up I once again feel abandoned by the one thing I ever had that seemed to be there for me. Last year when I got hit with really bad symptoms my supposed best friend up and disappeared and this person was my executor and emergency contact so once again I felt abandoned. Of course a year later this person got back in touch because they needed help. All these memories coming back have made me realize that may have been my problem all along. A lack of two-way loving relationships and a long string of abandonment. I expect a lot of people may find this to be familiar which is truly unfortunate. I often wonder what it means to live in a society where you have to pay a therapist or go online to have somebody listen to you and hear you. My dad is finally there for me and he's been amazing through all this as has my therapist.

 

Where all this is leading is back to this website. It is full of people of all different backgrounds and experiences from all over the world all struggling and all here not just to help themselves but to help other people as well. For the first time in my life I am part of and witness to a group of people that not only are there for me, but I don't feel like that they would abandon me and that's pretty rare at least in my life. I had become very jaded and had just about lost faith in people and the world. This website and the people on it are turning that around.

 

For those that have found their way here that are dealing with this alone you need not worry anymore because you're not alone and you're in a good place and we have your back. Some people are able to do this alone but most people can't afford to be alone while going through this and now you don't have to be and neither do I.

 

Healing is happening 😉✌️😺😺

[Catina7]

@FeralCatman Thank you for your courage and openness in sharing some of your heart and life with us.  You have been through a lot, and I'm sorry you have dealt with feeling abandoned and a lack of love and loyalty from people.  I'm glad that you have the support of your dad and therapist; we all need a support system.  And now you have US!  We all think you're great and love having you here.  You've been a big help on the site with all your research and in-depth analyses.  We will always be here for you no matter what, always remember that!  We are all united in trying to navigate the same journey.  Give your kitties a big squeeze today and hope you have a wonderful day!  😻

[FeralCatman]

Thank you Catina. After all these years it's nice to hear someone say that that I feel like really means it. All these years I've gotten by running on stubbornness and fear and anger and that really only gets you so far and eventually it catches up with you which of course it finally has. It's nice to finally be a part of a community that I know actually cares. I will definitely give the kitties a big hug for you and thank you so much for all of your kind words. 😉✌️😺😺

[Catina7]

1 minute ago, FeralCatman said:

Thank you Catina. After all these years it's nice to hear someone say that that I feel like really means it. All these years I've gotten by running on stubbornness and fear and anger and that really only gets you so far and eventually it catches up with you which of course it finally has. It's nice to finally be a part of a community that I know actually cares. I will definitely give the kitties a big hug for you and thank you so much for all of your kind words. 😉✌️😺😺

 

Aww you're welcome!  Hey, and when your T-shirt arrives you have to share a picture of it (I still can't believe you actually DID that haha!).

[FeralCatman]

The peer pressure got to me 😋