FeralCatman Posted November 28, 2023 Share Posted November 28, 2023 I've been working on trauma recovery in therapy. I have been looking for ways to trigger emotions to get a lot of old trapped emotions out and remembered the movie 'Good Will Hunting'. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Will_Hunting There is one scene in the movie that is very powerful and it applies to both trauma and the journey we all took in the mental health system and it's supposed fix for our problems. The mental health system and medications can be traumatic in and of themselves in addition to anything else you may have been through outside of that system that may have led you to the system in the first place. I have multiple traumas to deal with that started as an infant and just kept piling up. Some of what I am doing is what used to be called 'inner child work' which has another name now but that doesn't really matter. The scene in this movie is exactly what I need to hear right now as part of going through this and I am sure there are many people on this site who need to hear this as well. Here is the clip that is helping me so much. I hope it helps you as well. 2 Current Psychiatric Medications Paxil 10mg daily (a.m.) 2017 - Present Carbamazepine IR 190 mg twice daily (380mg Daily) 2011 - Present (Currently Tapering) Past Psychiatric Medications From 1994 to August 2021 Seroquel (in Recovery since August 2021 final dose 6.25mg), Depakote, Lithium, Risperidone, Xanax, Lamotrigene, Olanzapine, Lorazepam, Welbutrin, Trazodone, Oxazepam, Gabapentin, Abilify, Topiramate, Prazosin, Ambien (See Attached Spreadsheet And Seroquel Tapering And WIthdrawal Summary) Current Non Psychiatric Medications - Levothyroxine 88mcg (a.m.)-Vitamin D3 1000 IU (p.m.)-Fexofenadine 180 mg twice daily -Clonidine 0.1 mg (p.m.)-Azelastine Nasal Spray Other - Fish Oil Twice Daily-Multi-Vitamin (a.m.)-Vitamin C 1000mg Daily (a.m.)-Saline Nasal Spray-Salsalate 750mg twice daily PRN, Diclofenac Gel on affected joint PRN-Magnesium Citrate 250mg twice daily, Betaine HCL & Digestine Enzymes With Meals Quitting Seroquel_A Vacation In Hell_Redacted.pdf Other Documents https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/26099-feralcatman-recovering-from-seroquel/?do=findComment&comment=633907 Link to comment
Mentor Catina7 Posted November 28, 2023 Mentor Share Posted November 28, 2023 Awww @FeralCatman...no, it's certainly not your fault whatsoever. This is such a powerful scene in the movie. It helped Will to release some powerful emotions and feel some healing for the first time. It's such a simple, yet profound, statement: "It's not your fault." There...I said it again. 1 Disclaimer: This is not professional medical advice but is based on personal experience only. 1994 - 2017: Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Seroquel, Buspar, Lorazepam, Xanax, Ambien 2005-present: Trazodone 50 mg 2017: Effexor XR 37.5 >> 75 mg 2020 (March): Began 10% monthly taper of Effexor XR (got down to 12 mg) 2021 (September): Completely crashed. Went back up to 37.5 mg but in doing so I kindled myself 2024: 1/1: 35.6 mg (-6 beads) | 2/1: 33.8 mg (-11 beads) | 3/1: 32.1 mg (-16 beads) | 4/1: (-18 beads) Reasons for starting psych meds: PMDD/Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder Other medications: Levothyroxine 75 mcg Supplements: Dr. Berg's Electrolyte Powder on occasion Link to comment
Mentor littlebird Posted November 28, 2023 Mentor Share Posted November 28, 2023 55 minutes ago, FeralCatman said: I have multiple traumas to deal with that started as an infant and just kept piling up. Some of what I am doing is what used to be called 'inner child work' which has another name now but that doesn't really matter. The scene in this movie is exactly what I need to hear right now as part of going through this and I am sure there are many people on this site who need to hear this as well. Right there with you, and developmental trauma surely is a beast to untangle and heal. "It's not your fault" helped a lot, thank you for sharing. Hope you're having some good healing times with your inner FeralCatchild. ❤️ Pronouns: they/them/theirs Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since. 2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0 2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg 2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 2018-present: 25mg Pristiq 2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed Link to comment
Mountainsky Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 I've had these "breakthroughs" more than once. No healing or feeling better for me. Only worse. My therapist believes I have ptsd from years of being chronically ill and nothing is working treatment wise. Sometimes I think I don't belong on these forums anymore. 2009-2018, Paxil 40 mg. Tapered-0mg in 6 weeks. October 2020-May 2021 Zoloft, 25mg, 50mg, then 100mg. Tapered 25mg a week then 0mg less than a month. July 2021- Zoloft reinstated 25mg 1 week , 50 mg 1 week later, 100mg 2 weeks later. March 2022- began taper from 100mg, 10%/ 4 weeks. Got to 75mg around July 2022. Bad fatigue, body pain, OCD thoughts, intrusive fears/thoughts, occasional nightmares, memory loss, tongue tied, more frequent headaches, fear of losing everything, bipolar like behavior, paranoia that everyone is watching and judging me, unprovoked anger/rage, occasional flu like symptoms, dizziness, hair loss becoming the norm in the last few months. Still in treatment for Lyme Disease and Bartonella 4 years later as well as for Mycotoxins, EBV, MCAS with no resolution or positive responses to treatment protocols. May 2023-August 2023 75mg-62.5mg. August 2023-Current 50mg Link to comment
FeralCatman Posted November 30, 2023 Author Share Posted November 30, 2023 @Mountainsky Sorry to see you're having so much trouble. I checked your thread and the moderators have addressed most of the issues and it does look like due to the rapid tapers and your current taper that your nervous system has been destabilized and it just takes time for it to settle out. I got off high dose Seroquel in August of 2021 after tapering it for 3 years and 4 months and I'm still currently holding before I start my next taper. I also have an immune deficiency and multiple autoimmune conditions so I get a ton of blood work. I have gotten a lot of results that have made my doctors scratch their heads a little bit. I've never had food allergies or sensitivities but during the recovery period my IgE levels spiked way up and I developed detectable sensitivities to corn and wheat and soy and peanuts and almonds and pistachios. After 2 years those levels are coming back down and I no longer have a sensitivity to wheat and everything else is minimum detectable so in another 6 months it should all be leveled out and gone. I also get immunoglobulin testing and some of that went up and down over the last couple of years but everything is finally stabilized. What this tells me is that because the nervous system and immune system work together hand in hand is that if your nervous system becomes destabilized your immune system is not going to function correctly and that's probably why the treatments are not working for your other conditions. Also if you have conditions affecting your immune system it makes a little harder for your nervous system to balance out simply because it has more to deal with so I would guess the timeline is just a little bit longer if you have comorbid conditions involving your immune system. For now it's probably best to hold the dose where you're at and just let things stabilize however long that takes and then restart a slow taper later on. Like I said I've been holding for 2 years and 4 months and that's how long it's taken to get significant progress but it's been worth it in the long run and now I'm almost ready to start getting rid of my next Med. Hang in there and you'll get there I know it's tough and this whole situation really sucks but eventually you do get better. Current Psychiatric Medications Paxil 10mg daily (a.m.) 2017 - Present Carbamazepine IR 190 mg twice daily (380mg Daily) 2011 - Present (Currently Tapering) Past Psychiatric Medications From 1994 to August 2021 Seroquel (in Recovery since August 2021 final dose 6.25mg), Depakote, Lithium, Risperidone, Xanax, Lamotrigene, Olanzapine, Lorazepam, Welbutrin, Trazodone, Oxazepam, Gabapentin, Abilify, Topiramate, Prazosin, Ambien (See Attached Spreadsheet And Seroquel Tapering And WIthdrawal Summary) Current Non Psychiatric Medications - Levothyroxine 88mcg (a.m.)-Vitamin D3 1000 IU (p.m.)-Fexofenadine 180 mg twice daily -Clonidine 0.1 mg (p.m.)-Azelastine Nasal Spray Other - Fish Oil Twice Daily-Multi-Vitamin (a.m.)-Vitamin C 1000mg Daily (a.m.)-Saline Nasal Spray-Salsalate 750mg twice daily PRN, Diclofenac Gel on affected joint PRN-Magnesium Citrate 250mg twice daily, Betaine HCL & Digestine Enzymes With Meals Quitting Seroquel_A Vacation In Hell_Redacted.pdf Other Documents https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/26099-feralcatman-recovering-from-seroquel/?do=findComment&comment=633907 Link to comment
Mountainsky Posted December 1, 2023 Share Posted December 1, 2023 Sorry but I don't think its wd anymore. Too much bad stuff is going in in my life, alot of it situational. I'm looking into neurofeedback sessions possibly the 1st of the year that could ultimately save me. 2009-2018, Paxil 40 mg. Tapered-0mg in 6 weeks. October 2020-May 2021 Zoloft, 25mg, 50mg, then 100mg. Tapered 25mg a week then 0mg less than a month. July 2021- Zoloft reinstated 25mg 1 week , 50 mg 1 week later, 100mg 2 weeks later. March 2022- began taper from 100mg, 10%/ 4 weeks. Got to 75mg around July 2022. Bad fatigue, body pain, OCD thoughts, intrusive fears/thoughts, occasional nightmares, memory loss, tongue tied, more frequent headaches, fear of losing everything, bipolar like behavior, paranoia that everyone is watching and judging me, unprovoked anger/rage, occasional flu like symptoms, dizziness, hair loss becoming the norm in the last few months. Still in treatment for Lyme Disease and Bartonella 4 years later as well as for Mycotoxins, EBV, MCAS with no resolution or positive responses to treatment protocols. May 2023-August 2023 75mg-62.5mg. August 2023-Current 50mg Link to comment
FeralCatman Posted December 1, 2023 Author Share Posted December 1, 2023 2 hours ago, Mountainsky said: Sorry but I don't think its wd anymore. Too much bad stuff is going in in my life, alot of it situational. I'm looking into neurofeedback sessions possibly the 1st of the year that could ultimately save me. @Mountainsky I hope you're able to find some relief with the neurofeedback best wishes. Current Psychiatric Medications Paxil 10mg daily (a.m.) 2017 - Present Carbamazepine IR 190 mg twice daily (380mg Daily) 2011 - Present (Currently Tapering) Past Psychiatric Medications From 1994 to August 2021 Seroquel (in Recovery since August 2021 final dose 6.25mg), Depakote, Lithium, Risperidone, Xanax, Lamotrigene, Olanzapine, Lorazepam, Welbutrin, Trazodone, Oxazepam, Gabapentin, Abilify, Topiramate, Prazosin, Ambien (See Attached Spreadsheet And Seroquel Tapering And WIthdrawal Summary) Current Non Psychiatric Medications - Levothyroxine 88mcg (a.m.)-Vitamin D3 1000 IU (p.m.)-Fexofenadine 180 mg twice daily -Clonidine 0.1 mg (p.m.)-Azelastine Nasal Spray Other - Fish Oil Twice Daily-Multi-Vitamin (a.m.)-Vitamin C 1000mg Daily (a.m.)-Saline Nasal Spray-Salsalate 750mg twice daily PRN, Diclofenac Gel on affected joint PRN-Magnesium Citrate 250mg twice daily, Betaine HCL & Digestine Enzymes With Meals Quitting Seroquel_A Vacation In Hell_Redacted.pdf Other Documents https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/26099-feralcatman-recovering-from-seroquel/?do=findComment&comment=633907 Link to comment
Mentor Happy2Heal Posted December 6, 2023 Mentor Share Posted December 6, 2023 On 11/28/2023 at 4:49 PM, FeralCatman said: I've been working on trauma recovery in therapy. I have been looking for ways to trigger emotions to get a lot of old trapped emotions out and remembered the movie 'Good Will Hunting'. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Will_Hunting There is one scene in the movie that is very powerful and it applies to both trauma and the journey we all took in the mental health system and it's supposed fix for our problems. The mental health system and medications can be traumatic in and of themselves in addition to anything else you may have been through outside of that system that may have led you to the system in the first place. I have multiple traumas to deal with that started as an infant and just kept piling up. Some of what I am doing is what used to be called 'inner child work' which has another name now but that doesn't really matter. The scene in this movie is exactly what I need to hear right now as part of going through this and I am sure there are many people on this site who need to hear this as well. Here is the clip that is helping me so much. I hope it helps you as well. oh gosh as soon as I read the title of the movie, I got choked up I cried like a baby at that part. My younger brother too, and sometimes when he's feeling playful, he'll turn to me and say "it's not your fault" and we start out laughing but invariably end in tears but they are good tears, washing away a lot of the pain I am glad that this clip helps you as well. another movie that also helped me to process trauma was the one about Mr Rogers, I forget the title. The messages in that movie are different but also healing I thought 1 PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME PRIVATE MESSAGES, thank you. pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until Sept, then acute WD hit!! reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106 Tapered off to zero by Oct. 2017 Doing very well. Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content PRESENT DAYS: Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs Link to comment
Onepillbupropion Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 If I could cry, I would, but the numbness still hasn’t worn off. This is the hardest part for me. I have never done drugs. I don’t drink or smoke, and live a clean, content life. I was just constantly fatigued and unable to focus. I took the pill, so I have to own it, but I took it trusting the medical community. I can honestly say, “never again”. May 8, 2023 One pill Bupropion sr 150mg That’s it. Link to comment
Redman401 Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 I have the exact same sentiment. I was at the brink of retirement and just wanting to live a simple life when I fell into the trap. I didn't drink or smoke or use hard drugs or abuse my body, or mind. I was/am a health nut! We were at our most vulnerable state and we trusted the "good doctor" or health care system to help us, not to get us "hooked" on drugs, chemicals that disable and debilitate us and make living in our own bodies a constant misery. But owning our own part in getting into our predicament is hard to swallow, that we had a part in getting into the conundrum we are now in and trying desperately to get out of. August first 2023: Seroquel 25mg twice a day. August 20 started tapering. October 4 to present trying to take only PM Seroquel, start and stop, unsuccessfully. Now at 31.25mg at 9P and "crumb" at 9A. Mirtazapine 7.5mg daily at bedtime. September 21 started taper with decrease to 3.75mg, now at 3mg at bedtime. Gabapentin 200mg three times a day . August 20-Decreased afternoon dose to 100mg. Now taking three times a day: 9A-100mg; 2P-100mg; 9P-200mg. 9/15-Trazadone 50mg at 9P, tapered to 42mg at bedtime now. Prior to August 1 '23: Long history of depression since 1984. Had counseling for years off and on. Took Zoloft since around 1997 off and on but not very well due to my dislike of side effects. Since then I was given and tried, but not for very long, all the SSRI's and usual antidepressants from A-Z, no MAOI's or anything. I never took any one long enough or at normal doses to have major problems, until now. I was taking hydrocodone inappropriately April-May '23 until I thought I was "hooked". May 26, '23 took half a Suboxone 8mg thinking it would help me get off hydrocodone, foolishly, not knowing what I could expect, which caused a violent reaction and destroyed my nervous system. This set off my problems which have lasted for the past 5 months. I cannot take a nap during the day. 9A-2P-9P Gabapentin 100mg-100mg-200mg 9P mirtazapine 1.875 9P trazodone 35.6 9P quetiapine 26.9 16 April 2024: As for now, about eight months in, my taper has devolved into a reduction by reduction taper. Neither Seroquel nor Mirtazapine will let me budge as before. Trazodone I try to reduce by 0.001 gram every so often, now at 0.197gm. I believe I have pushed my nervous system too far for too long and will need to do a prolonged hold as advised here on SA for "two months or some months" . I wish had the capability to follow the recommendations on SA from the start. But I was too frantic or desperate or in a hurry and just jumping around trying to grab a piece of information here and a piece of information there looking for help online, on Youtube, etc.. I believed it would be possible if I just followed the advice I read. But tapering has been extremely hard for me. Being sick and impaired all the time is no fun. Wishful and magical thinking don't work. Now my thinking is so impaired it is so difficult. Link to comment
Onepillbupropion Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 4 hours ago, Redman401 said: I have the exact same sentiment. I was at the brink of retirement and just wanting to live a simple life when I fell into the trap. I didn't drink or smoke or use hard drugs or abuse my body, or mind. I was/am a health nut! We were at our most vulnerable state and we trusted the "good doctor" or health care system to help us, not to get us "hooked" on drugs, chemicals that disable and debilitate us and make living in our own bodies a constant misery. But owning our own part in getting into our predicament is hard to swallow, that we had a part in getting into the conundrum we are now in and trying desperately to get out of. Good luck. I’ll pray for you. I’m getting better after 11 months, but not there yet. I pray we both will. Absolutely sucks. Makes me oddly wish I just did cocaine or something, but I invisibly wouldn’t, because a clean life is so important to me. Who would have ever thunk a legal prescribed drug could/would do this?!?!? Trust the doctors! yeah, sure. Good luck. God bless. May 8, 2023 One pill Bupropion sr 150mg That’s it. Link to comment
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