APhoenixRising: My Life w/ Polypharma and My Quest to Drug Freedom

[APhoenixRising]

I’m A Phoenix Rising. I’m a 50 year old mother of 6 and I’ve been on psychiatric drugs for the last 30 years.

   It all started with Zoloft for depression and GAD. I now have 4 or 5 psychiatric diagnoses and about 5 other diagnoses as a result of my psych meds, which introduced even more drugs to my stash, multiple hospital stays and 3 years of ECT.

   They have destroyed my memory, made me numb and compliant, given me peripheral neuropathy, idiopathic hypersomnia, and ADHD-like characteristics. Not to mention the compulsions I have developed and desperately need to shake, weight gain, metabolic changes, and amotivational syndrome. These drugs, and psychiatrists, nearly destroyed my family so many times and came way too close to ending my life.

   The almost humorous thing is, up until Aug. of 2023, I was completely in the dark about the side effects and withdrawal from these drugs. No idea! I lived through it a few times yet I had absolutely no one tell me what I was going through was normal. I thought I had completely lost it and that I was destined to live out my life this way (on meds).

   Looking back now I see how uncharacteristically angry I would get while on zoloft. After my mother died in 2012, while grieving, I went to see a psychiatrist who put me on an anti-psychotic(seroquel), 2 benzos (klonopin & xanax) and adderall (not yet diagnosed with ADHD). My behavior changed drastically. I had a very short affair then decided that I was ready to die. I wound up in a coma for 3 days, then they promptly shipped me to a psych hospital. On 3 separate occasions they gave me a benzo and then refused after that (their funny idea of a taper, I'm guessing). That was the beginning of my very long withdrawal of those particular drugs leading to psychosis (more diagnoses) more suicide attempts, more hospital stays and finally ECT due to being treatment resistant.

   Lastly, once finding out I was pregnant (in the ER) in 2019, I was told to go off all meds. I wasn’t able to be seen by an OB for 6 weeks. Once seen they put me back on Effexor XR at 150mg (I was on 300mg), then a month later increased my dose to 225mg. Being an older mom, I was being monitored closely yet they didn’t recognize the very serious withdrawal. After looking at my baby’s brain, they told me it looked like “someone put his brain in a blender”. My son had a very rough start, but over time he pulled through. He is now a very loving, active, charismatic three year old!

Symptoms of withdrawal; intense anxiety when I've made a mistake. Otherwise it's nagging insomnia and almost constant irritability.

***Life hasn’t always been sour and angry despite what I’ve written here. I am stable now and feel happiness. I have hope and I’m eager to make the changes needed to live out the rest of my years drug free.

 

-Phoenix

[KenA]

Hi @APhoenixRising and welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. We are glad that you have found your way here. If you have any questions, please see our main webpage with answers the most commonly asked questions.

 

Once again welcome and best wishes!

 

Ken

[APhoenixRising]

Thank you Ken, glad to be here! 

[APhoenixRising]

Update: After 4 days of regular Effexor I realized that I wasn’t in fact coming down with the flu, I was having withdrawal symptoms. Has anyone successfully gone from Effexor XR to regular Effexor and not have issues? I took XR today and feel fine. 

[KenA]

@APhoenixRising Members have reported in the past even feeling symptoms being caused by their medication being made by a different manufacturer than the one they are used to. So having gone from XR to regular could very well have caused symptoms.

[bluemojav]

On 1/11/2024 at 1:29 PM, APhoenixRising said:

Update: After 4 days of regular Effexor I realized that I wasn’t in fact coming down with the flu, I was having withdrawal symptoms. Has anyone successfully gone from Effexor XR to regular Effexor and not have issues? I took XR today and feel fine. 

I had a small stunt of being on regular Effexor when my pharmacy had run out of XR for about a week. I definitely didn’t feel GOOD, but it wasn’t the same as missing a dose completely.
 

I also just read through your post after seeing your comment, and I see myself in a lot of the medication changes (zoloft to effexor as well after a hospitalization!) you went through as well as the symptoms. Hope you’re doing ok!!

[KaiLee]

I am glad to hear that you're feeling better.