BenD7123: Hello... Tapering off 20mg of Lexapro

[BenD7123]

1 hour ago, Catina7 said:

When you say "therapist," are you talking about your psychiatrist - the one who tapered you too fast to begin with?  

 

Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe and in a proper mindset, whatever that may be.  We're here to support you whenever you need it!  ❤️

@Catina7 No…. The psychiatrist is pretty much worthless at this point. I am referring to the guy who does my counseling or therapy. Dr. Teague is his name. He is more knowledgeable about this stuff than my psych I think. Gonna hold at 20mg and take 10mg in the morning and 10mg at night to see if that changes anything. 

[littlebird]

5 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

I have a baby due in 3 months

That's so exciting, congratulations! 🥳 Will this be your first?

 

5 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

I don’t think it’s psychosis since I don’t have hallucinations or delusions, but it sure seems something like that since I don’t feel myself and have depersonalization almost.

Hope this passes soon, but so glad to hear about your solid support system.

 

5 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

running always seems to knock the edge off the symptoms. 

That's awesome, man. I was never a guy for much running, but it sure does seem like a great coping skill. I definitely feel better on the days I get out for a walk.

 

5 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

It definitely helps when I talk about it for sure. 

Please talk it up! When I was going through med hell I definitely benefited from processing things with people who get it.

[BenD7123]

@littlebird This will be my first kid. It’s exciting but this has taken the excitement away lol. Today I started to take 10mg in the morning and the other 10mg at night before bed. Seems to have helped with the agitation but has increased anxiety a little bit. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night so that doesn’t help either. My biggest complaint today is I’m in a constant state of depression and don’t feel myself and never feel happy. I have a disinterest in everything I used to like and have 0 sex drive. Any tips you got let me know! Just started taking magnesium today too. 

[BenD7123]

@Catina7 @Emonda Is it common for the stabilizing process to cause depression? That’s one of my main symptoms…. I am in a decent bout of constant depression. No interest in anything, not really any emotions, no sex drive, just generally don’t enjoy anything. Almost feels like my dose is too high and it’s blunting everything. 

[Emonda]

Have a read of the WD symptom checklist in my first post - and keep a copy handy for quick reference.

 

I often refer to that for myself. It is so reassuring to know that what I experience (and likely you experience) are very common WD symptoms.

 

...time and continued patience.

[Catina7]

12 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

Is it common for the stabilizing process to cause depression?

 

Yes, very much so.  Your system is trying to deal with all the dose changes that were made.  As long as you hold where you're at and try to be patient, then at some point you should stabilize.  It's an awful process, I know, but these drugs are very powerful.  Hang in there...better days are ahead!    

[BenD7123]

@Catina7 Thanks! My biggest concern right now is some pretty crazy intrusive suicidal thoughts. I just will randomly get pictures of me killing myself or crazy stuff like that but I don’t actually want to do it. Just really concerning and scary. 

[Catina7]

34 minutes ago, BenD7123 said:

some pretty crazy intrusive suicidal thoughts

 

Ugh, so sorry!  I've had these before.  Try to think of them as just "background noise" or a separate entity from who the real you is.  They're just part of what these drugs can do to us.  I'm so happy to hear you would never act on them.  I'm so glad I kept fighting and never gave in to them.  

 

You have so much to look forward to with being a father soon!  What a great example you'll be with getting through this awful time in your life....and you WILL get through it!  

[BenD7123]

@Catina7 Thank you for the encouragement! Means a lot! My wife is kind of stressed out about it and she wants me to go to the hospital but I know that’s not a good idea because they will just put me on other drugs. 
 

my biggest problem that is contributing to this is the insomnia. Only getting 4 hours of sleep a night is no good! Woke up at 2:00 this morning and took 5mg of melatonin and it didn’t do a thing! I’m half tempted to ask my doctor if there are any other sleep meds that work better. I would feel way better if I could just get some sleep! 

[Catina7]

9 minutes ago, BenD7123 said:

they will just put me on other drugs. 

 

Yes, they will.  Glad you understand this!  

 

10 minutes ago, BenD7123 said:

I’m half tempted to ask my doctor if there are any other sleep meds that work better

 

I don't blame you....BUT....that would not be a very wise decision in the long run.  Lack of sleep is no joke, I've been there myself.  It can be so hard to get through the day.  Have you read through the topic about Sleep Tips yet?  Many others have dealt with this issue.  However, I'm sure once you stabilize your sleep will improve.  Insomnia is a very common WD symptom.

[littlebird]

20 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

It’s exciting but this has taken the excitement away lol.

That's ok, you'll have more than enough excitement soon enough! That's a good amount of time to stabilize before the birth, thank goodness the due date is months and not weeks away.

 

6 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

My wife is kind of stressed out about it and she wants me to go to the hospital but I know that’s not a good idea because they will just put me on other drugs.

This is such a tough one - our loved ones want to see us cared for, hard to explain that it could make it worse in the long run to walk in with psych symptoms. I keep the hospital as a "I'm a danger to myself or others" option for this reason. The idea of an involuntary hold and forced medication? Giving myself chills just thinking about it. Nah.

 

6 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

my biggest problem that is contributing to this is the insomnia. Only getting 4 hours of sleep a night is no good!

No, no good at all! Oh man, you probably feel like absolute trash with med symptoms and sleep deprivation. I'm so, so sorry. Do you have any herbal shops around you? I've had more luck with a nice herbal tincture or something than melatonin or OTC sleep meds. Insomnia sucks so hard. Is it new since upping the dose?

 

7 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

Thanks! My biggest concern right now is some pretty crazy intrusive suicidal thoughts. I just will randomly get pictures of me killing myself or crazy stuff like that but I don’t actually want to do it. Just really concerning and scary. 

Oh my goooood dude, I've been there with these meds. Does it help to know that chances are VERY good this is a chemical thing and not a "you" thing? 

 

It's extra alarming when you're not feeling like you're actively suicidal, because the intrusive flashes are extra horrifying then - "I would never do that!" 

 

I've had this with meds, it passes. I've gotten some relief from using DBT Defusion techniques. Helps me separate a bit from the thoughts, get to a place of, "OK, I'm having some thoughts about ____. There's a part of me that is saying, not 'I don't want to live,' but 'I don't want to live like this anymore' and is suggesting some really intense solutions. I can say, 'No, thank you,' and think of other ways to feel better."

 

If that makes sense? In a bit of a "wave" myself - but it'll pass. They always do. Every storm runs out of rain.

 

20 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

the other 10mg at night before bed.

Would it maybe help to move the 2nd one earlier in the day to see if it eases insomnia? Not sure about the timing on this one, maybe a mod can check in on this.

 

20 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

My biggest complaint today is I’m in a constant state of depression and don’t feel myself and never feel happy. I have a disinterest in everything I used to like and have 0 sex drive. Any tips you got let me know! Just started taking magnesium today too. 

I so know the feeling - disinterest. Had the thought recently, "Huh, I used to love this show and meh. I don't think it's the show, I just don't enjoy the things that used to make me happy........ dangit, I just described a symptom of depression and could list at least 3 more off the top of my head."

 

Sometimes it helps to get out of my usual routine and get into nature, are you a nature person? If your wife is feeling up to it, maybe a walk or picnic in a park might be a nice change of pace. Wait, what's the weather like there? Maybe never mind on that one! I just happen to be having the nicest day we've had all early spring and assumed everyone in the whole world was too. 🤣

 

I think the nature stuff helps me when I'm having intrusive thoughts too. Going outside and seeing what birds I can see, or if any new plants are growing, is a healthy distraction that occupies my mind and keeps it too busy for rumination or intrusive thoughts.

 

On a med note, sounds like 20mg is way too high. When you're ready to lower (and please go slow so you don't swing the chemical pendulum too fast and hard in the opposite direction), maybe lower the 2nd dose of the day first to see if that eases sleep stuff?

 

6 hours ago, Catina7 said:

Lack of sleep is no joke, I've been there myself.  It can be so hard to get through the day.  Have you read through the topic about Sleep Tips yet?  Many others have dealt with this issue.  However, I'm sure once you stabilize your sleep will improve.  Insomnia is a very common WD symptom.

Yeah, there's nothing like lack of sleep to make you question if life is even worth living. I physically feel awful too when I don't get enough sleep, it's seriously no joke. Are you able to supplement with naps? Even lying down with some music playing (I'm not a nap person) can feel restful.

 

Check out sleep tips for sure if you haven't already. Some things that helped me are limiting screen time after a certain point, trying to read something (book or magazine) or do something with my hands instead in the wind-down time before bed. It's also ok if screens help you stay distracted when you're struggling, just maybe switch it to automatically go into "lower blue light" mode after a certain time in the evening.

[littlebird]

Hey man, how you holding up?

[BenD7123]

@littlebird Thanks for checking in! I’m honestly almost 100% better. Slept over 8 hours last night. This evening was my first day back in the gym. I am about 90% symptom free and pretty much stabilized. Pretty sure this is stabilizing not a window…. 

[Tuikea]

That happened fast are you doing something different? 

[Catina7]

9 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

@littlebird Thanks for checking in! I’m honestly almost 100% better. Slept over 8 hours last night. This evening was my first day back in the gym. I am about 90% symptom free and pretty much stabilized. Pretty sure this is stabilizing not a window…. 

 

This is great news, I'm so happy for you!  😊

[littlebird]

17 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

Thanks for checking in! I’m honestly almost 100% better. Slept over 8 hours last night. This evening was my first day back in the gym. I am about 90% symptom free and pretty much stabilized. Pretty sure this is stabilizing not a window…. 

This is great news! Take it slow on the gym if you find any increase in symptoms during/after exertion, but this is a fantastic sign that you're stabilizing. Sleep absolutely has to be helping you feel more like yourself, nothing like not getting enough rest to feel rocky. Paying attention to any signals and signs from your body (needing a rest, feeling thirsty, craving a particular food) will help you stay stable and on the road to full recovery.

 

Thanks for checking in and letting us know you're feeling better! So glad to hear.

[BenD7123]

@Tuikea Didn’t do anything special…. Just prayed a lot and kept pushing through! Today was even better than yesterday and I am about 90% healed. This definitely doesn’t seem to be a wave, just my body stabilizing on the 20mg of Lexapro. Up dosing definitely worked for me, just had some nasty side effects for a couple weeks. 

[BenD7123]

@Catina7 @littlebird Thanks! So happy I’m feeling better and pretty much back to myself! I feel like last week or two was all a bad dream. I hope you guys keep pushing and get better soon! 

[BenD7123]

@Catina7 @littlebird Not sure what happened or what caused it, but yesterday I felt completely back to normal and then last night I fell asleep at 10:00 and woke back up at 1:00 and it hit me.  Burning skin sensations, feeling irritable, and just felt uneasy. Tossed and turned in and out of sleep until 6:30 when I got up.  I had a pretty bad gag relfex this morning when I woke up.  Today I have felt about the same.  Crazy emotional fluctuations, excessive urination, lack of energy, no appetite, and just not feeling myself/not interest in what usually makes me happy. 

Not sure what I did to cause this or if this is just the windows and waves of stabilizing. Only thing different I did was split a 20mg pill in half and took it at 9:45 instead of taking a 10mg pill.  I also splurged and ate a lot of pizza for dinner.  Hopefully it goes away soon! There is hope though as I felt 100% back to normal yesterday!  

[Catina7]

1 hour ago, BenD7123 said:

Not sure what I did to cause this or if this is just the windows and waves of stabilizing.

 

Sorry to hear you've had a setback.  It doesn't sound like it's anything you did or didn't do.  They're most likely withdrawal-related symptoms or symptoms from updosing.  I'm sure it will improve with time since you're staying at the same dose until you stabilize.  I hope you enjoy another nice window of feeling good soon!   

[Tuikea]

On 3/21/2024 at 9:29 AM, BenD7123 said:

@Tuikea Didn’t do anything special…. Just prayed a lot and kept pushing through! Today was even better than yesterday and I am about 90% healed. This definitely doesn’t seem to be a wave, just my body stabilizing on the 20mg of Lexapro. Up dosing definitely worked for me, just had some nasty side effects for a couple weeks. 

That's great, sounds like you have been through hell you deserve a big rest.

Enjoy your new baby and make the most of this time with your family.

[littlebird]

Were you especially active yesterday, or have any stressors come up? You know, could be your sensitive system got a bit of a change from it being a split 20mg pill instead of an already-dosed 10mg one. Do you have a mg scale? Wondering too about the coating of the pill, could be there was some "dumping" that happened from it being split.

[BenD7123]

@littlebird I have been split dosing for over a week now and it has helped my symptoms and agitation so much. Only things that could’ve done it were me using the 20mg pill and cutting it in half instead of taking the 10mg pills I had. I also ate a crap ton of food and carbs yesterday. Over 500 grams carbs and probably 4000 calories. Overdid it since my appetite was back. I think that was it but who knows. Still feeling a good bit better than last week

[littlebird]

Hmmm could be any of the above! Keep an eye on things, check in with your body often, and I bet you'll start to notice patterns and signals from your body/brain. It can feel like such a setback to have a rough day, but you'll be back. 

 

It can be hard sometimes to tell when we're overdoing something until it's too late! Whether social time, food, sleep, whatever - living and learning and figuring ourselves out is the name of the game.

[BenD7123]

@littlebird I am learning too that what I eat is now affecting me a lot more than usual.  If I eat anything after dinner for dessert especially if it has a lot of sugar in it, I will not sleep well.  But if I just eat dinner and nothing else, I will sleep like a baby! I also notice that if I think about the whole stabilizing thing and getting balanced out, I fixate on it and it makes me feel worse which is tough because its hard to change your thoughts...

[littlebird]

4 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

I am learning too that what I eat is now affecting me a lot more than usual.  If I eat anything after dinner for dessert especially if it has a lot of sugar in it, I will not sleep well.  But if I just eat dinner and nothing else, I will sleep like a baby

I had the same thing! Got way more sensitive to sugar. I'm curious if these details are side effects of the meds (very possible, many affect blood sugar) or if our bodies have always had these preferences and we're just more in touch with them when WD makes us more sensitive.

 

4 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

I also notice that if I think about the whole stabilizing thing and getting balanced out, I fixate on it and it makes me feel worse which is tough because its hard to change your thoughts...

Have you heard the phrase, "Reach for a better-feeling thought?" It's like trying to choose which rock will hold you better as you cross a stream. You can try a thought that doesn't feel so steady like "This is my new normal" and instead of continuing down that direction, you can re-direct and consciously choose something more hopeful like, "My body is always working on getting better, it's working some magical science right now and I'll feel better before I know it."

 

It is hard to change thought patterns, they're well-grooved (literally, connections in our brain that are well-worn become almost automatic). You can absolutely build new pathways, and practice redirecting your thoughts. 

 

How are you with giving yourself credit when you do something good? That can be a great way to start. Just like you'll tell your future kiddo when they start walking and talking, "You're doing great, keep it up!" you can start talking to your own inner child (which we all have, the parts of us we once were continue on in us) in very kind, encouraging ways.

 

Sometimes I use this when I'm spiraling into anxiety - what would I tell a worried child? Cause it surely is kinder than how I talk to myself, to imagine how I'd comfort a little human!

 

You've got this, man. This rough part will pass and will be just a memory before you know it.

[BenD7123]

@littlebird Thanks for the tips and encouragement! I am still making improvements, though the last few days have been not the greatest.... could be due to starting keto and changing my eating habits.  Last week I felt completely normal all week which was great! Today marks 5 weeks since I have been on 20mg of lexapro. 

This week, I feel anxious or have that cortisol spike in the morning and it seems to really stress my body out for hours and usually lifts around lunch time or early afternoon.  Then, i kind of go in and out of this state of "weirdness" for the rest of the day and in the evenings after I run, I feel fine as if nothing was ever wrong. During these weird periods in the morning, I feel like a totally different person.  Feel depressed, not myself, burning skin sensations, somewhat anxious, loss of interest in stuff I usually like, low energy, tiredness, and sometimes I have a bad gag reflex when I wake up.  Seems like I can't break the cycle!

 

I am in a much better place than I was 3 or 4 weeks ago, but having a great week last week and then an ok week this week is annoying but might just be a window/wave pattern! My window/wave patterns seem to be hours long, not days long so that is sort of better than longer periods since I get breaks in between. 

[littlebird]

6 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

This week, I feel anxious or have that cortisol spike in the morning and it seems to really stress my body out for hours and usually lifts around lunch time or early afternoon.  Then, i kind of go in and out of this state of "weirdness" for the rest of the day and in the evenings after I run, I feel fine as if nothing was ever wrong. During these weird periods in the morning, I feel like a totally different person.  Feel depressed, not myself, burning skin sensations, somewhat anxious, loss of interest in stuff I usually like, low energy, tiredness, and sometimes I have a bad gag reflex when I wake up.  Seems like I can't break the cycle!

Does it feel like something you wake up with (like something chemical or from a dream) or something that sets in after waking?

 

6 hours ago, BenD7123 said:

I am in a much better place than I was 3 or 4 weeks ago, but having a great week last week and then an ok week this week is annoying but might just be a window/wave pattern!

This is a great news. With time, the waves easier to bear because we're building our coping skill tool kits and changing thought patterns all the time.

[BenD7123]

@littlebird the anxiousness/adrenaline in the morning sets in after waking. I go to sleep feeling normal. I am also a shallow breather and when I wake up I notice my stomach is barely moving and breathing is very shallow. This has always been a big problem that has contributed to my anxiety that I am working on. 
 

I’m still not convinced this is a wave. It feels more like something to do with me starting keto and fasting this week. I always have crappy mornings and I never eat breakfast. Afternoons are good and after dinner until I fall asleep are good too. Feel completely normal. Might need to wait on the keto/fasting for a couple months until I’m 100% stabile. 
 

almost feels like I’m dehydrated or electrolyte imbalance maybe. My blood pressure has been through the roof too. 162/84 this morning. Keto and fasting put a lot of stress on the body when first starting so might not be a good idea at the moment. 

[AAOffZ]

Howdy! Just popping in on your thread to say I’m in a similar spot with my tapering journey. I’m sitting at a dose waiting to stabilize. Regrettably, I’ve done a lot of up and down before I realized how SSRIs work and made a mess of my nervous system and then continue to taper once more. And thankful to have found this forum before going CT and trying a new med. 

 

I’m experiencing a lot of waves and windows. Also feel very “normal” in the evenings. When I’m not stable, I’ve found I worry about things I normally don’t. So I’m trying to focus on that while in these waves. I see so much progress from 2 weeks ago. I can at least function. But it’s frustrating when you’re stabilizing and then BAM, anxiety. 
 

Anyway, my mod suggested stabilizing for 2-3 MONTHS before beginning to taper again (hyperbolic), which I understand. But I have this fear of never stabilizing or never knowing when I’m fully stable. 
 

I’ll be following your journey. Hugs, my friend. 

[BenD7123]

Does anyone else on here get really dry and itchy skin all over? It doesn't bother me too much just wondering if its normal and if anything helps?

[AAOffZ]

@BenD7123 I have itchy skin.. unrelated to WD. Have you ever heard of Sarna lotion? Works very well for me. 

[BenD7123]

@AAOffZ I have not but I will maybe get some of it... I had terrible itchy skin before I got on the lexapro from the anxiety so I am sure it is just my body stabilizing and maybe some neuropathy or nerve damage from up dosing too quickly!