khugsplants journey

[khugsplants]

Hi friends...

When SSRI's came into my life, they saved me. 

Through most of my life (teens and twenties) I had successfully lived with my mental health struggles using tools such as exercise, time outdoors, and an ever changing and stimulating lifestyle as one has during this time of their life. 

 

When I moved in my early 30s, completely upending my life as I had never lived anywhere else, I was no longer able to deal with the depths my depression took me to. After failing to find relief from Wellbutrin, I reluctantly decided to try Lexapro. It truly saved me when I was at my lowest point until then. I knew about some of the side effects, weight gain, lower libido, which is why I hesitated. But, as I was no longer functioning, something needed to change. And, it did.

 

What I did not know, was how horrific it was going to be to try to get back off of this drug. I understand myself better now, and I've created an environment in my life that should help me to thrive. But then there is this drug. It is like a veil. More subtle than the depression was, but still something that keeps me from living fully. It keeps me from feeling fully. 

 

In 2019, I was ready to come off of the drug. With a new psychiatrist (not the one who initially prescribed SSRI to me), I expressed that I was ready to come off of Lexapro. She told me to cut the dose in half for a few weeks, then in half again, then for a few more weeks, then I would be off the medication. After 5 days at half dose, I was having flu-like symptoms, crying whenever I moved more intensely than a walk, not sleeping....it was too much. I told my doctor and she said to go back to the full dose and we could try again slower at a later time. Then, she retired, and I moved to help my Mom go through cancer treatment. Not a good time to remove your antidepressant. 

 

In April 2023, my Mom went into remission, I had the best job, I lived in a place that was good for my soul, and I had so much support around me that I was ready to try again. I did not have a new doctor by now to support me, but I had learned the first time that I needed to slow the tapering process down. I thought I could do it. I reduced my dose by only 25% for 2 weeks, then again to half dose for 1 day. After not sleeping for 4 consecutive nights in a row in addition to the previous WD symptoms I had the first time, I went back to full dose. 

 

I was angry and sad. I felt like I had no control and my inability to come off the drug made me want to come off it even more. Why don't doctors tell you about this before they put you on it???? Yes, I've gained weight, my sex life has suffered, but not being able to stop taking this little pill is appalling. I didn't sign up to be dependent on a life-numbing drug for my entire lifetime!@@

 

My Mom did pass away this last year. The last thing I've needed since April is to take away this crutch when my heart has been more broken than it ever has before. 

 

But I am healing, and I think part of that healing process is to take back full ownership and control over my mind and body by getting off Lexapro. I have a two new doctors who are going to support me through this, and I have this site!!! I am so incredibly thankful for the resources and stories about people's journeys going through the same process I will. Thank you all SO MUCH for this site.

 

My new doctors have prescribed me some additional psychoactive drugs to support this process: Lamotrigine and Bupropion. I am taking these to help alleviate WD symptoms from tapering off Lexapro, but I am very anxious about becoming dependent on these as well. My goal is to come off all psychoactive drugs to see where I am in navigating my mental health without chemical support. We will see...

[Onmyway]

Hi @khugsplants

Welcome to SA. Great idea to start this process of tapering from a stable place. I'd advise to not rush it. I understand the frustration of finding out you're dependent on a drug but slow and steady is the game here. 

 

We do not advise trying to go this with other psychoactive drugs because as you guessed they'd need to be tapered (for years) as well. The body grows accustomed/dependent on many psychoactive drugs within a few weeks of starting them. And there is no evidence they actually help protect from withdrawal at all. 

 

Bipolar is often diagnosed in people who take ADs because the drugs activate them and this activation is diagnosed as mania. They you can have a look at the book "Anatomy of an epidemic". Please read through the Tapering forum here where you will find lots of resources. SAs landing page also has  lots of links. Being prepared will make this journey easier. 

 

Omw

[khugsplants]

Thank you so much for the reply! I appreciate the feedback and insights. I will continue to explore the topics and forums here.

 

One of my doctors has recommended a series of supplements to also help this process and to potentially use as a replacement of Lexapro to support mental health.

 

Quote

Start the following supplements for mood, weight , insulin resistance.

• INOSITOL: This supplement is used for elevated blood sugars, insulin resistance, and weight management. 
• B ACTIV: This supplement contains the entire spectrum of B vitamins. 
• VITAMIN K2/D3 5,000- This formulation features the most bioavailable and bioactive form of supplemental vitamin K2 and vitamin D3 (cholecalciferol) - the identical form in which vitamin D is derived in the body from cholesterol and synthesized by sunlight on the skin. It promotes bone and heart health. 
• OPTIMAG NEURO POWDER: This magnesium supplement is optimized to cross the blood-brain barrier. Optimizing magnesium may improve mood and cognitive symptoms. 

 

I am not sure if folks have experience or feedback on these types of supplements, but I wanted to post these here as documentation of my journey.

[Onmyway]

We do recommend Magnesium and Omega-3. It is not clear that crossing the BBB is necessary for Mg to exert its calming effects. I personally found Mg Threonate (the one designed to be brain friendly) to be uncomfortable and like Mg citrate. Be careful with the B vitamins. They are usually given in doses that are many times above the daily recommended dose - in supplements they get to 1000% or more. Some people here find B vitamins too activating. 

 

Regarding your other two drugs - we consider any psych drug that you take for over 1 month to form physical dependence and will expect it to require tapering at 10% of previous dose a month. So if you stay on these drugs we will expect that you will tapering from them for years to come. It may be worth thinking whether you want to continue taking them. Has your doctor given you any evidence/studies that show that they are helpful in *preventing* withdrawal symptoms? We are not aware of any such effect. 

 

 

[LotusRising]

On 3/4/2024 at 3:50 PM, khugsplants said:

My new doctors have prescribed me some additional psychoactive drugs to support this process: Lamotrigine and Bupropion. I am taking these to help alleviate WD symptoms from tapering off Lexapro, but I am very anxious about becoming dependent on these as well. My goal is to come off all psychoactive drugs to see where I am in navigating my mental health without chemical support.

@khugsplants

 

Welcome to SA,

 

Have you considered this might be counterproductive? Replacing one drug with another will result in further tapers and will not necessarily be easier than discontinuing lexapro. If your goal is to navigate your mental health without chemical support, you might consider doing a slower taper from the drug you're already on, lexapro. I think feeling anxious is a valid response to the idea of adding in new medications, since we know that these will also lead to physiological dependence and require further tapers. 

 

Have you looked through our coping skills resources? You might think of bolstering these prior to tapering so that you're prepared for any WD symptoms that might pop up. 

[KenA]

@khugsplants My philosophy was always that you can't fix a pill problem by taking another pill. I know to some people this sounds a bit harsh, but like @Onmyway and @LotusRising have suggested, adding in other medications may not be the best idea. Ultimately you have to make the decision yourself, but please keep in mind all possible repercussions that may happen by adding new medications. 

[khugsplants]

@KenA @LotusRising @Onmyway

Thank you all so much for the feedback! Your comments echo my own hesitation. I hear you all, and it solidifies my thoughts around pill replacing.

 

I've skipped two mornings of the Wellbutrin with thankfully NO WD symptoms. Caught it in time hopefully. I have been taking the Lamotrigine longer, so will taper that. AND I'll reach out to me doctors to discuss.

 

Again, thank you so so much!

[Onmyway]

Hi @khugsplants

I only have a couple of minutes but even if you've taken the Wellbutrin for a few weeks we'd recommend a traper, just a much quicker one - try 1/2 tablets for a few days then 1/4 for a few more and then stop. This may be more complicated depending on what kind of tablet you have. 

 

This topic should help:

 

 

[khugsplants]

Hi friends! An update

I got sick with a cold at the beginning of May and decided to wait another month to start my taper. I did not want to hit myself hard in another way while I was sick. I plan to start this weekend. My goal is to time my taper with my hormonal/menstrual cycle. I have PMDD and understand that I will have the best luck if I time my dosage decreases when I am at my peak "happy" hormones through my cycle. I plan to taper once a month aligned with this cycle. 

 

I also stopped taking the Wellbutrin and Lamotrigine with thankfully NO withdrawal symptoms.

 

I will be cutting my first 10% this weekend. Thank you all for your support!