katthecapricious: Introduction Post

[katthecapricious]

Hi, I’m Kat. I’m a long time lurker first time poster. So I was told by the majority of the PSSD reddit to head here after thinking my symptoms were PSSD and there is some sexual dysfunction, I agree, but I also have uh, odd symptoms. I’m not sure if this is withdrawal from my other medications. Technically I’m still currently on 2 but I’d like to get off of all of them and get my life back. 
 

So the prevailing thing is- I can’t feel emotions. And I don’t mean Apathy or Anhedonia, I mean nothing at all. Like a blank. Not even anxiety. This started when I began tapering off of buspar (yes, buspar) in January of 2024. From 20mg to 15mg. (Yes, I know, extremely low dosages.) I was also on 20mg of Hydroxyzine as needed. 
 

Suddenly I had a horrible anxiety attack, and I couldn’t feel my stomach. Like it was gone. And there was no hunger or thirst. And then I started having horrible post nasal drip, and dry heaving. And I felt my emotions just go into this vacuum. Very slowly, but now I have blunted affect on my face and I can’t seem to make ANY facial expressions at all. My nausea disappeared, along with the these tremors, arm pains, and burning in my fingers that I’d had for a week. I went to my doctor to get an upped dosage of my long standing metoprolol prescription due to the fact that my heart rate consistently was up all the time. (That has since been controlled by propranolol and lisinipril as of February of 2024.)

 

After losing my emotions, drugs lost most of their effects on me. And I noticed a dampening of all my senses, including (and this is the most bizarre) loss of most of my visual snow. My allergies have also disappeared as well. 
I recognize that these aren’t super standard withdrawal symptoms and many align with some on the PSSD board, but I did read many stories about emotional anesthesia here, which gave me some hope my emotions would come back. 
 

I also have awful insomnia, but never seem to feel tired. I do sleep, but it’s awful and only about a few hours at a time on and off. I do have some weird issues with my vision, to where if I see a light after I’ve opened my eyes in the dark, it flickers like a projector. 
 

I’m currently in a PHP program (pardon my ADHD brain) after being inpatient in a psych ward for a while in February. I’m still on two medications, wellbutrin 300mg and abilify 20mg. I can’t taper the wellbutrin in the normal way because the pills are covered by something, but I could potentially do this for the abilify. Again, neither drug seems to be doing anything for me anyway. 
 

Even Ativan which once worked in small doses or valium, which I took once in a hospital stay, does nothing. Nor does benadryl or anything else for that matter. I’m scared this is very much permanent and that I’ve ruined my life forever. Despite the hope that I’ve seen on the forum. (I know, emotions come back last, they leave first and come back last.) (I’m not taking benzodiazepines regularly either, by the way.) 

 

Anyway, any advice would be appreciated. And it’s nice to meet y’all. 

[LotusRising]

Hi @katthecapricious

 

Welcome to SA,

 

Could you help us out by adding a signature. This will ensure your drug history appears at the bottom of every post, making it easier for those trying to assist. 

 

How to Create a Signature 

 

Have you seen these two links about withdrawal syndrome:

 

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

9 hours ago, katthecapricious said:

After losing my emotions, drugs lost most of their effects on me.

I'm confused about when you lost your emotions - this happened after coming off buspar? Are you aware that this can be a WD symptom, as well as a side effect of both wellbutrin and abilify?

 

Visual changes are also a very common WD symptom:

 

 

9 hours ago, katthecapricious said:

I also have awful insomnia, but never seem to feel tired.

When did your insomnia start?

 

What time do you take your medications?

 

Here is the information we have for tapering your medications:

 

This thread might also be helpful:

 

Please post any updates or questions related to your specific situation right here in your thread. It's helpful to keep everything related to your tapering journey in one spot. 

 

And again, welcome

 

LotusRising

 

[katthecapricious]

On 3/5/2024 at 8:46 PM, LotusRising said:

Hi @katthecapricious

 

Welcome to SA,

 

Could you help us out by adding a signature. This will ensure your drug history appears at the bottom of every post, making it easier for those trying to assist. 

 

How to Create a Signature 

 

Have you seen these two links about withdrawal syndrome:

 

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

I'm confused about when you lost your emotions - this happened after coming off buspar? Are you aware that this can be a WD symptom, as well as a side effect of both wellbutrin and abilify?

 

Visual changes are also a very common WD symptom:

 

 

When did your insomnia start?

 

What time do you take your medications?

 

Here is the information we have for tapering your medications:

 

This thread might also be helpful:

 

Please post any updates or questions related to your specific situation right here in your thread. It's helpful to keep everything related to your tapering journey in one spot. 

 

And again, welcome

 

LotusRising

 

Hi! Sorry for the late reply- my emotions disappeared as I was tapering off buspar and hydroxyzine. I was tapering off both at the same time because my psychiatrist told me I would be fine and could do both at once. Since then, I've also had various other symptoms that don't make any sense. Lack of ability to feel pain, temperatures, my stomach being hungry or full, etc. Also my allergies disappeared.

I am aware that both drugs (Abilify and wellbutrin) can do that, but they were prescribed AFTER the events occurred.

I'm getting concerned as it has been over a month now (nearing two), and I can't feel anything. Nothing good, bad or indifferent or even apathy. It's like my mind doesn't respond to anything that it should- there's no desire to do anything, no pleasure or pain. And my face has lost the ability to create any facial expressions, at least involuntary ones. I still can smile voluntarily. I feel this is due to the lack of emotion. I only speak in a monotone voice with no inflections or emotions.

 

I was taking 20mg of buspar and decreased only by 5mg. I had been on it for a little over 4 months. Hydroxyzine even less. (And yes I know you shouldn't taper off two drugs at once- at least NOW I know.)

 

Thank you for all the tips!

 

Yes, the odd thing is my visual snow disappeared. It's quite an odd sensation as I was born with it. I'm no longer photosensitive as well. Which is the opposite of anything that happens during withdrawal here. I get the feeling this might be a severe case of PSSD but since I'm still in the withdrawal period, it could be PAWS.

 

Speaking of periods, can the withdrawal period affect that as well? It's become lighter and not quite all there.

 

Thank you for the warm welcome, hopefully we can figure this out!

 

 

[LotusRising]

On 3/9/2024 at 5:06 PM, katthecapricious said:

I get the feeling this might be a severe case of PSSD but since I'm still in the withdrawal period, it could be PAWS.

Yes, it certainly could be. And if this is the case, I expect you would see some improvement, albeit slowly.

 

On 3/9/2024 at 5:06 PM, katthecapricious said:

I am aware that both drugs (Abilify and wellbutrin) can do that, but they were prescribed AFTER the events occurred.

So, these events started before, or after you reduced the buspar? 

 

Could you please put your drug information in your signature? It makes it so much easier to see a timeline. The link for creating a signature is in my first post.

[Farm24]

On 3/9/2024 at 7:06 PM, katthecapricious said:

Hi! Sorry for the late reply- my emotions disappeared as I was tapering off buspar and hydroxyzine. I was tapering off both at the same time because my psychiatrist told me I would be fine and could do both at once. Since then, I've also had various other symptoms that don't make any sense. Lack of ability to feel pain, temperatures, my stomach being hungry or full, etc. Also my allergies disappeared.

I am aware that both drugs (Abilify and wellbutrin) can do that, but they were prescribed AFTER the events occurred.

I'm getting concerned as it has been over a month now (nearing two), and I can't feel anything. Nothing good, bad or indifferent or even apathy. It's like my mind doesn't respond to anything that it should- there's no desire to do anything, no pleasure or pain. And my face has lost the ability to create any facial expressions, at least involuntary ones. I still can smile voluntarily. I feel this is due to the lack of emotion. I only speak in a monotone voice with no inflections or emotions.

 

I was taking 20mg of buspar and decreased only by 5mg. I had been on it for a little over 4 months. Hydroxyzine even less. (And yes I know you shouldn't taper off two drugs at once- at least NOW I know.)

 

Thank you for all the tips!

 

Yes, the odd thing is my visual snow disappeared. It's quite an odd sensation as I was born with it. I'm no longer photosensitive as well. Which is the opposite of anything that happens during withdrawal here. I get the feeling this might be a severe case of PSSD but since I'm still in the withdrawal period, it could be PAWS.

 

Speaking of periods, can the withdrawal period affect that as well? It's become lighter and not quite all there.

 

Thank you for the warm welcome, hopefully we can figure this out!

 

 

I have all of these symptoms. I am four months from my last dose.  I got emotions back maybe two months ago.  I have had days where I actually feel thirsty and hungry.  Unfortunately my biggest issue is muscle contraction.  The numbness keeps coming and going.