Tweed9674: stopped escitalopram cold turkey 4 months ago

[Tweed9674]

First, I had bad anxiety in my early twenties. Started Effexor, took it for about a year then tried stopping with a fast taper. I got fired from work 4 ou 5 months later and my anxiety went up big time.

Started Effexor again. Went up to 110mg, but I was having many side effects so after talking to my doctor, I decided to stop. I reduced the dosage over 2 months then stop.

Went throught withdrawal for a few weeks and then things got quiet for a few months. I started getting hit by some fairly heavy anxiety and panic attacks without stress to trigger it. I went back to effexor for a few months and then I switched to escitalopram 10mg to try and see if I would have less side effects.

 

I stayed on escitalopram 10mg for at least 6 years.

 

Now, at the start of January 2024, I run out of escitalopram for a few days. That's when I decided to try and quit. Just like that. The withdrawal was hell. A lot of brain zap, anger that I could not contain at all, brain fog, insomnia, etc.

After 6 weeks, most of the symptoms were gone or wayyyy more manageable.

 

1 week before the 4 months mark, I started getting vertigo and feeling dizzy. I had no idea what was going on. My anxiety started acting up again and I took an appointment with my doctor.

He's starting me on 5mg escitalopram again. I took my first half pill 8 hours ago and I feel absolutely awful: It's impossible to sleep, I had 2 panic attacks, I feel like I need to walk all the time and my hands are shaking.
 

And now i'm scared to death, does it mean that I have kindled? Should I keep taking 5mg and see if it stabilize? Should I lower to 2.5? Should I stop?!

[Erimus]

Hello, and welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. We are a peer support forum to assist in tapering off psychiatric drugs safely, or recovering from psychiatric drug withdrawal.

 

This topic is for anything relating to you, and any questions you have. Please do not start another topic.

 

We recommend tapering by no more than 10% of your CURRENT dose each month, to limit withdrawal symptoms. E.g. 10mg --> 9mg --> 8.1mg --> 7.29mg

 

All the answers you are looking for regarding tapering and antidepressant withdrawal are on this site. Please search around and continue to read as much as you can manage. Use the site search function to search for specific words or phrases, such as drugs or symptoms.

 

Here are a few of the most useful links:

 

Important topics in the Tapering forum and FAQ

 

Micro tapering

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first?

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

Using a scale to weigh and measure doses

 

We only recommend two supplements. Omega 3 Fish Oil and Magnesium. Both should be introduced separately and increased slowly.

 

Regards

Erimus

[Erimus]

13 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

He's starting me on 5mg escitalopram again. I took my first half pill 8 hours ago and I feel absolutely awful: It's impossible to sleep, I had 2 panic attacks, I feel like I need to walk all the time and my hands are shaking.

 

Please read the topic About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

When it comes to reinstatement, particularly after a number of months drug free, the smaller the reinstatement dose the better. For someone in your position, it would be suggest to introduce an amount of around 1mg, and monitor how it affects you for 1-2 weeks. The decision can then be made to increase the dose slowly, by quantities of 0.5mg, or to cease the reinstatement attempt. Reintroducing 5mg again is too much of a shock for a severely sensitised system.

[Tweed9674]

Hi @Erimus

 

Is it too late to go down since I already took a 5mg (and I have fairly bad symptoms)? I only have pills currently, I don't know if I can actually go down to 1mg using pills.

 

Thank you!

[Erimus]

4 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

Hi @Erimus

 

Is it too late to go down since I already took a 5mg (and I have fairly bad symptoms)? I only have pills currently, I don't know if I can actually go down to 1mg using pills.

 

Thank you!

I don't think it's too late. Are you able to get the liquid prescribed by your doctor instead of tablets? This would make it easier to take 1mg doses. If not you will have to either prepare your own liquid suspension, or make your own capsules.

 

Making your own liquid suspension can be as simple as dissolving your 5mg tablet in 20ml of water, and taking 4ml of the solution using an oral syringe. These are cheap to buy. This would give you a dose of 1mg (0.25mg/ml suspension).

 

See:

 

Using a scale to weigh and measure doses

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

Compounding pharmacies (US, UK, and elsewhere)

Edited April 3 by Erimus

[Tweed9674]

1 hour ago, Erimus said:

I don't think it's too late. Are you able to get the liquid prescribed by your doctor instead of tablets? This would make it easier to take 1mg doses. If not you will have to either prepare your own liquid suspension, or make your own capsules.

 

Making your own liquid suspension can be as simple as dissolving your 5mg tablet in 20ml of water, and taking 4ml of the solution using an oral syringe. These are cheap to buy. This would give you a dose of 1mg (0.25mg/ml suspension).

 

See:

 

Using a scale to weigh and measure doses

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

Compounding pharmacies (US, UK, and elsewhere)

Thank you so much!! I ended up taking 1mg in suspension in water. Maybe i'll sleep tonight haha!

I also went ahead with the magnesium and omega-3. I'm hopeful!

[Tweed9674]

I'm glad I didn't go for 2.5mg. About 30 minutes after I took 1mg, I started getting shivers in quick waves. I slept for 2h and now i'm completely restless and I feel anxious again.

Should I lower to 0.5mg tomorrow?

[Erimus]

8 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

I'm glad I didn't go for 2.5mg. About 30 minutes after I took 1mg, I started getting shivers in quick waves. I slept for 2h and now i'm completely restless and I feel anxious again.

Should I lower to 0.5mg tomorrow?

I would give it at least a few days before making any asumptions on what is happening.

[Tweed9674]

Got it, will do, thank you so much!

[Tweed9674]

Some news:

I've never experienced anything like this. About 1h after taking 1mg of escitalopram, my legs and arms starts shaking. I have no control over it.

I also get super anxious for hours.
Falling asleep is almost impossible. Staying asleep is impossible.

I've haven't been able to eat anything since I re introduced.

 

I tried 100mg of bisglycinate mag + 1.25mg

 

Pretty sure i'm kindling... My next and final appointment (he's making a career change) with my doctor is in a month.

I'm pretty sure he's going to try to make me change to another ssri. I don't think this is a good idea.

Anyone has any experience with that? I did read the thread about kindling but i'm a bit confused.

[Tweed9674]

For the sake of documenting the days following my reinstatement (and kindling?) at 5mg (first day, 1mg after), here is a list of all the symptoms I had, starting 2-3 hours after taking the pill:

 

- Extreme anxiety
- Agitation, Akathisia

- Increased ataxia

- Complete loss of appetite

- Feeling super hot and being unable to cool down

- Feeling super cold and being unable to warm

- Intense sweating

- Chills

- Shaking / tremors

- Diarrhea

- Nausea

- Tinnitus, on and off

- Insomnia, Complete inability to fall asleep

- Joint pain (elbows)

- Memory and concentraition issues

- Panic attacks, some of the most intense I ever had.

I used https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/page/withdrawal-symptoms-z to help me putting them into actual words.

 

Almost 7 full days later, I think i'm starting to stabilize from that initial 5mg dose. Some of the symptoms are gone or much more manegeable. I still get anxiety (less extreme), mild agitation, loss of appetite, chills / sweating, insomnia (i take magnesium & melatonine to help) and memory / concentration issues. I'm also currently hypersensitive to sounds.

Ataxia ( dizzyness / feeling off balance) is the initial PWS symptom that made me reinstate. It went away ~18h after the 5mg dose. It came back full force 2 days later (after lowering to 1mg)

 

 

@Erimus Providing me with the precise directions to make a 1mg dose in suspension was a lifesaver for me. I was not able to find that solution myself at that time. Thank you again.

[Tweed9674]

Some news from me.

 

I'm currently holding my reinstatement at 1.25mg of escitalopram. The brain fog, dizziness and general lack of coordination and jello legs are now less severe then they were before reinstatement. That's the good part.

 

Some symptoms didn't really change: I cannot tolerate intense physical activities, I still have crying spells, my memory is in a bad state.

 

I also have plenty of new symptoms: I have insomnia, i'm irritable, I have constant headaches, not much of an appetite, anxiety (manageable so far), insane night sweat, hypersensibility to sound and I lost all interest for my usual hobbies.

Overall, i'm having a very bad time but i'm still.... functionnal.

 

I made a few changes in my life to try to help myself face this new reality:

• I completely quit coffee.
• I completely stopped taking alcohol.
• I started walking daily. Around 40 minutes a day.
• I greatly reduced my thc oil intake (from 0.08ml before bed every day to 0.04ml once a week). I'm not ready to go in full THC withdrawal yet.
• I made myself a daily routine (using Finch for android)
• I go to bed early every day.
• I limit my sugar intake.

On a side note, THC oil is what I used to get through acute withdrawal. Not a great idea... but what is done is done.

That's all I can think to say right now. I had more in my head when I was thinking about making a follow up yesterday... but my memory is sooo bad right now.

Edited April 18 by Tweed9674
adding forgotten stuff

[Alfred1977]

On 4/3/2024 at 8:10 AM, Tweed9674 said:

He's starting me on 5mg escitalopram again. I took my first half pill 8 hours ago and I feel absolutely awful: It's impossible to sleep, I had 2 panic attacks, I feel like I need to walk all the time and my hands are shaking.

 

This sounds like increasing the dose causes tension, anxiety and insomnia for you too. I think this how it's working with me. There seems to be a trade off. When I raise my dose I get more strength, less fatigue, no more brain zaps and crying spells but unfortunately also tension, anxiety and insomnia.

 

All the best!

[Erimus]

48 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

I made a few changes in my life to try to help myself face this new reality:

• I completely quit coffee.
• I completely stopped taking alcohol.
• I started walking daily. Around 40 minutes a day.
• I greatly reduced my thc oil intake (from 0.08ml before bed every day to 0.04ml once a week). I'm not ready to go in full THC withdrawal yet.
• I made myself a daily routine (using Finch for android)
• I go to bed early every day.
• I limit my sugar intake.

All those changes will benefit you in the long run.

 

49 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

I'm currently holding my reinstatement at 1.25mg of escitalopram. The brain fog, dizziness and general lack of coordination and jello legs are now less severe then they were before reinstatement. That's the good part.

 

Some symptoms didn't really change: I cannot tolerate intense physical activities, I still have crying spells, my memory is in a bad state.

 

I also have plenty of new symptoms: I have insomnia, i'm irritable, I have constant headaches, not much of an appetite, anxiety (manageable so far), insane night sweat, hypersensibility to sound and I lost all interest for my usual hobbies.

Overall, i'm having a very bad time but i'm still.... functionnal.

What you are experiencing now is the windows and waves of stabilisation. The longer you hold the better things will get. You will know if you need to make any more small dosage increases. As long as you remain functional I would keep holding, the signs are promising.

[Tweed9674]

1 hour ago, Erimus said:

All those changes will benefit you in the long run.

 

What you are experiencing now is the windows and waves of stabilisation. The longer you hold the better things will get. You will know if you need to make any more small dosage increases. As long as you remain functional I would keep holding, the signs are promising.

 

Thank you for the kind words. I think this is encouraging too but I try to keep my expectation as low as possible haha!

 

I can't thank you enough for the initial advice you gave me in here. If I had followed my doctor advice and continuing at 5mg I'd likely be in and hospital bed right now... with a whole cocktails of drugs to try and stabilize me. Thank god he didn't make me start at 10mg!!

 

Again, I am very grateful to you and this community.

[Tweed9674]

Quick update:

 

I'm incredibly sensitive to changes in dosage: I use a pill cutter to cut a 10mg pill in two. The result aren't alway great, and yesterday the two parts were very unequals.

I used the biggest part and tried to adjust a little bit by taking 4.8ml instead of 5ml. No idea how much I actually took, but my brain was on fire all night and I didn't sleep well at all.

 

I guess I'll have to use a whole 10mg pill to make my dose from now on if I want to avoid dosage instability!

 

In other news, before this dosage incident, my sleep was getting a bit better. The dizziness is not completely gone but it is less intense then it was when I got hit with PWS a few weeks ago.

My anxiety is also easier to manage right now.

 

The headaches are not getting any better. It usually start around 11am and only end when I go to sleep at 9pm. They hurt enough to make my neck stiff and slightly painful but I am usually still able to function.

There's not much change for sound sensitivity, irritability and memory capacity. I'll have to give it more time.

 

I'd say i'm fairly stable and I don't plan to change my dosage anytime soon. If thing gets worse, I'll try updosing.

If things get better, maybe I'll try an ultra slow taper. The regular 10% but every four months. I don't feel like I'm there yet. It's only been roughly 3 weeks since reinstatement!

 

Why four months? Because it's the time it took for me to enter protracted withdrawal. It's a very subjective value... but I don't think I would feel safe otherwise.

[Catwoman73]

Hi @Tweed9674- my history is similar to yours- on and off antidepressants over the years, never doing slow tapers, sometimes CT from high doses.  Ugh... live and learn, right?  I'm currently tapering from escitalopram as well- came down from 20mg to 10mg fairly rapidly with minimal WD symptoms- I've been a bit more emotionally labile, but perfectly tolerable.  Starting the appropriate 10% taper in May.  I'm both excited to do it right this time, and scared to death, based on my previous experiences.  

 

I'm so glad to see you taking things super slow now... it's easy to get caught up in just wanting to get this poison out of our bodies, and go too quickly.  Fingers crossed you don't have to updose, but it sure seems like you're on the right track!

 

Anyway, just wanted to say hi to a fellow Canadian in the same boat as me!  I look forward to following your journey!

[Erimus]

Let me know if you need any help with the numbers for using a 10mg tablet. It's good to post them so extra eyes can scan over them.

Edited April 23 by Erimus

[Tweed9674]

53 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

Hi @Tweed9674- my history is similar to yours- on and off antidepressants over the years, never doing slow tapers, sometimes CT from high doses.  Ugh... live and learn, right?  I'm currently tapering from escitalopram as well- came down from 20mg to 10mg fairly rapidly with minimal WD symptoms- I've been a bit more emotionally labile, but perfectly tolerable.  Starting the appropriate 10% taper in May.  I'm both excited to do it right this time, and scared to death, based on my previous experiences.  

 

I'm so glad to see you taking things super slow now... it's easy to get caught up in just wanting to get this poison out of our bodies, and go too quickly.  Fingers crossed you don't have to updose, but it sure seems like you're on the right track!

 

Anyway, just wanted to say hi to a fellow Canadian in the same boat as me!  I look forward to following your journey!

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply.

 

I'm also scared to death. Protracted withdrawal is no joke.

 

My main concern is my family (3 kids, my wife and me). My youngest kid suffer from an ultra rare genetic disorder (it's called GRIN1 if anyone is interested). It's a rollercoaster.

My oldest "suffer" from a light Autism spectrum disorder. Highly functional but.... a bit tricky to deal with sometimes

 

They're the reason I decided to reinstate. I wanted my life back from AD, but it cannot cost my kids theirs.

This is also where my motivation to take things slow and with as little risk as possible come from.

 

I also hope that things take the right direction for you. Take care!

[Tweed9674]

9 minutes ago, Erimus said:

Let me know if you need any help with the numbers for using a 10mg tablet. It's good to post them so extra eyes can scan over them.

Thank you, I appreciate it!

 

Since I'll have twice as much escitalopram my plan was to use twice as much water and take 5ml of the resulting suspension.

 

10mg in 40ml of tap water. (10 / 40) * 5 = 1.25mg 

[Erimus]

3 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

Thank you, I appreciate it!

 

Since I'll have twice as much escitalopram my plan was to use twice as much water and take 5ml of the resulting suspension.

 

10mg in 40ml of tap water. (10 / 40) * 5 = 1.25mg 

Yeah, looks fine.

[Catwoman73]

On 4/23/2024 at 11:19 AM, Tweed9674 said:

 

My main concern is my family (3 kids, my wife and me). My youngest kid suffer from an ultra rare genetic disorder (it's called GRIN1 if anyone is interested). It's a rollercoaster.

My oldest "suffer" from a light Autism spectrum disorder. Highly functional but.... a bit tricky to deal with sometimes

 

They're the reason I decided to reinstate. I wanted my life back from AD, but it cannot cost my kids theirs.

This is also where my motivation to take things slow and with as little risk as possible come from.

 

I also hope that things take the right direction for you. Take care!

 

I am familiar with GRIN1!  I had a patient with it back when I was still working!  It was an infant with some feeding difficulties- it had resulted in aspiration on a couple of occasions.  Wow- I'm sure it really is a rollercoaster for you.  Tapering with all that on your plate is a LOT!  You have my admiration for putting your family first, despite your desire to be free from these drugs.

 

Like you, I'm working on getting off escitalopram for my family (and for me of course).  My daughter is almost 15, and she has never really known me without these drugs.  And sadly, I have suffered with some degree of apathy/anhedonia since I went off of Paxil CT in the early 2000s.  It never went away, and I can't help but wonder if the revolving door of drugs I've been on ever since has contributed to this.  I feel I need to get off of all psychoactive drugs for good to see who I really am underneath it all.  And to appreciate being a mom (which was a super difficult journey in itself... long story)!

 

Anyway- I hope you're doing ok today... hang in there! 

 

[Tweed9674]

4 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

I am familiar with GRIN1!  I had a patient with it back when I was still working!  It was an infant with some feeding difficulties- it had resulted in aspiration on a couple of occasions.  Wow- I'm sure it really is a rollercoaster for you.  Tapering with all that on your plate is a LOT!

Wow. I can't actually believe it! GRIN1 is SO RARE.... nobody know about it.

Yet, here we are, on a forum about tapering and dealing with anti depressant withdrawal, I meet someone who know about it!

 

I don't know why but this is crazy to me, haha!

 

To put things into perspective, I live not that far from one of the biggest children hospital in my province.

Of all the specialist, GP, nurses, etc. we met since the diagnostic, I never encountered anyone who knew about GRIN1. Even for the pediatric neurologist (over 25 years experience in that role) who found the mutation throught genetic testing, it was a first.

 

Thank you for sharing this. I don't know exactly why, but it made my day a little better.

 

4 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

Like you, I'm working on getting off escitalopram for my family (and for me of course).  My daughter is almost 15, and she has never really known me without these drugs.  And sadly, I have suffered with some degree of apathy/anhedonia since I went off of Paxil CT in the early 2000s.  It never went away, and I can't help but wonder if the revolving door of drugs I've been on ever since has contributed to this.  I feel I need to get off of all psychoactive drugs for good to see who I really am underneath it all.  And to appreciate being a mom (which was a super difficult journey in itself... long story)!

 

Raising a kid while dealing while dealing with withdrawal AND  working in the health system (that alone is... something!!)!

 

This is quite a feat. Mad respect. 💪

[Catwoman73]

On 4/24/2024 at 4:58 PM, Tweed9674 said:

Wow. I can't actually believe it! GRIN1 is SO RARE.... nobody know about it.

Yet, here we are, on a forum about tapering and dealing with anti depressant withdrawal, I meet someone who know about it!

 

I don't know why but this is crazy to me, haha!

 

To put things into perspective, I live not that far from one of the biggest children hospital in my province.

Of all the specialist, GP, nurses, etc. we met since the diagnostic, I never encountered anyone who knew about GRIN1. Even for the pediatric neurologist (over 25 years experience in that role) who found the mutation throught genetic testing, it was a first.

 

Thank you for sharing this. I don't know exactly why, but it made my day a little better.

 

 

Raising a kid while dealing while dealing with withdrawal AND  working in the health system (that alone is... something!!)!

 

This is quite a feat. Mad respect. 💪

Thank you, but I'm no longer working lol.  I was diagnosed with long covid in 2022, and my brain and body have become a battleground lol.  I can't even fathom being able to manage my stressful job while chronically ill.  I think the stress levels I was under at work when I contracted covid was a major factor in my developing long covid.   In any case, having long covid and trying to taper escitalopram, all while updosing low dose naltrexone, has certainly presented me with more than my share of challenges for now lol.  It's a confusing jumble of symptoms, but the key is slow and steady with everything I do.  I can't destabilize- like you, I want to be at my best for my family. 

 

GRIN1 is super rare- I had the good fortune to learn about a LOT of rare diseases when I was working.  My job was to transition medically complex patients home from hospital, so I saw a lot of interesting stuff.  I LOVED my job.  But the pandemic changed a lot for me, and I'm not sure I even want to go back if/when I get well enough.  But that's a long story that I will likely share someday on my thread lol. 

 

Hope you're doing ok today!

[Tweed9674]

1 hour ago, Catwoman73 said:

Thank you, but I'm no longer working lol.  I was diagnosed with long covid in 2022, and my brain and body have become a battleground lol.

 

Sorry, the way I phrased it was not great. English is my second language and I struggle with it a bit more than usual since I went into withdrawal.

 

When I said "Raising a kid while dealing while dealing with withdrawal AND  working in the health system", I meant before you got struck with long covid, when you were still working and going on and off anti depressant.

 

Long covid is another insane slap in the face on top of all that.

 

Yet, you seem to still find a way to enjoy life as much as you can. You show a lot of resilience.

[Catwoman73]

1 hour ago, Tweed9674 said:

 

Sorry, the way I phrased it was not great. English is my second language and I struggle with it a bit more than usual since I went into withdrawal.

 

When I said "Raising a kid while dealing while dealing with withdrawal AND  working in the health system", I meant before you got struck with long covid, when you were still working and going on and off anti depressant.

 

Long covid is another insane slap in the face on top of all that.

 

Yet, you seem to still find a way to enjoy life as much as you can. You show a lot of resilience.

No worries- English is my first language and I struggle most days lol! 

 

I choose to look at long covid as my wakeup call lol- it may sound a bit woo-woo, but I do think everything happens for a reason.  I think it helps me to believe that- just keeping the faith that good will come from this crazy mess, you know?

[Tweed9674]

It's time for an update.

 

Most of my withdrawal symptoms are still getting better. My appetite is back, I had less headaches in the past 4 days and most of the time, the dizziness is barely noticeable. More on that later.

With the dizziness getting better, my balance has also improved. The brain fog is still there but it feels less intense than 2 weeks ago. It's still enough to make me struggle though.

 

Sleep is a mixed bag. Overall, I am able to get enough. I wake up a few time a night but i'm able to get back to sleep most of the time.

My 3 years old kid (the one with GRIN1) is not helping on that front. GRIN1 come with a lot of challenge and sleep is definitly one of them!

 

I still have night sweats, but not every night anymore.

I'm still irritable and I cry for not much. But at least I can feel now.

 

THC oil is now a problem for me. I'm quite sensitive to it. I'm down to 0.03ml (about half a drop...) once a week. It's enough to make me feel very meh and disturb my sleep the night I take it.

I'm afraid to stop completely (because withdrawal from it is a thing) I hope to be able to hold a bit more.

 

----

 

I usually get jelly legs and dizziness after my daily walk if I push hard enough.

Today, after I dropped my 6 years old to her cheerleading class (we are not allowed to stay!!) I went for an hour long walk with my 3 years old.

The dizziness and jelly legs struck me after ~40 minutes while is was still walking. I still had 1.5km to walk to get to my daughter class. I was barely able to move.

 

I somehow managed to make it in time... I sat on a chair for a minute and had a panic attack while my 3 years old was crying and shouting at me.

In that moment, I felt very alone and hopeless.

 

Lesson learned: Do not push too hard when my two youngest depends heavily on me... with no backup plan if something goes wrong.

 

That's about it for today!

[Catwoman73]

2 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

It's time for an update.

 

Most of my withdrawal symptoms are still getting better. My appetite is back, I had less headaches in the past 4 days and most of the time, the dizziness is barely noticeable. More on that later.

With the dizziness getting better, my balance has also improved. The brain fog is still there but it feels less intense than 2 weeks ago. It's still enough to make me struggle though.

 

Sleep is a mixed bag. Overall, I am able to get enough. I wake up a few time a night but i'm able to get back to sleep most of the time.

My 3 years old kid (the one with GRIN1) is not helping on that front. GRIN1 come with a lot of challenge and sleep is definitly one of them!

 

I still have night sweats, but not every night anymore.

I'm still irritable and I cry for not much. But at least I can feel now.

 

THC oil is now a problem for me. I'm quite sensitive to it. I'm down to 0.03ml (about half a drop...) once a week. It's enough to make me feel very meh and disturb my sleep the night I take it.

I'm afraid to stop completely (because withdrawal from it is a thing) I hope to be able to hold a bit more.

 

----

 

I usually get jelly legs and dizziness after my daily walk if I push hard enough.

Today, after I dropped my 6 years old to her cheerleading class (we are not allowed to stay!!) I went for an hour long walk with my 3 years old.

The dizziness and jelly legs struck me after ~40 minutes while is was still walking. I still had 1.5km to walk to get to my daughter class. I was barely able to move.

 

I somehow managed to make it in time... I sat on a chair for a minute and had a panic attack while my 3 years old was crying and shouting at me.

In that moment, I felt very alone and hopeless.

 

Lesson learned: Do not push too hard when my two youngest depends heavily on me... with no backup plan if something goes wrong.

 

That's about it for today!

I'm sorry- overdoing it can certainly make you feel hopeless.  Shake it off- we all make mistakes!  I make them all the time.  And I mean, ALL.  THE.  TIME.  I'm about to update about my big mistake today lol.

 

I have to say, you have your hands full- props to you for parenting little ones while tapering!  My daughter is 14, so she doesn't depend on me in the same way anymore, making this a bit easier on me.   Though teenage parenting is certainly no picnic either.  It's just a different set of worries. 

 

I wanted to ask you about the THC- I used to take THC gummies once in a while, just to relax.  It wasn't a daily habit or anything.  But do you think the THC is contributing to the difficult symptoms you are having now?  Honestly, I hadn't even considered that I might have done harm by using THC.  I was just grateful to have something I could use to relax that was more natural, and wasn't alcohol.  I've given up THC because it does seem to leave me with a bit of a hangover the next day... I'm just hoping I didn't do damage to myself using it on and off over the years. 

[Tweed9674]

3 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

I have to say, you have your hands full- props to you for parenting little ones while tapering!  My daughter is 14, so she doesn't depend on me in the same way anymore, making this a bit easier on me.   Though teenage parenting is certainly no picnic either.  It's just a different set of worries. 

Ha indeed, it doesn't get easier, it just shift.

 

3 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

wanted to ask you about the THC- I used to take THC gummies once in a while, just to relax.  It wasn't a daily habit or anything.  But do you think the THC is contributing to the difficult symptoms you are having now?  Honestly, I hadn't even considered that I might have done harm by using THC.  I was just grateful to have something I could use to relax that was more natural, and wasn't alcohol.  I've given up THC because it does seem to leave me with a bit of a hangover the next day... I'm just hoping I didn't do damage to myself using it on and off over the years. 

Damage? I don't think so. Do I recommend mixing AD and THC? Hell no.

 

Instability, from prolonged use... I do now believe that it might have causing me some. The first time I quit thc oil, it was because I started having dizziness, balance issues, jelly legs and brain fog. My doctor didn't find anything wrong. I stopped THC oil cold turkey and my symptoms got better after a few months. I was taking quite a lot at that time so I did experience THC withdrawal. Anxiety, insomnia and depression for about a month.

 

The symptoms were fairly similar to what I experienced the first week I entered protracted withdrawal.

 

----

 

I do believe that some thc gummies here and there is nothing compared to.... anti depressant. One is illegal almost everywhere on the planet, the other is being sold like actual gummy bears.

To this day, i'm pretty sure that the one being sold like candies is the lesser evil.

Heck, if I was to eat gummy bear in front of my GP, he would probably tell me that it's bad for my health.... while handing me my escitalopram prescription. 😂

 

And I'm rambling again....

[Tweed9674]

What the heck just hit me?

 

I woke up at 1:20 am, sweating, shaking, with stomac burn. My brain feel... electric. Like its overstimulated by just looking at nothing.

I feel very weak, nauseated and anxious. Unable to focus. One minute I'm cold, the other I feel like i'm burning. It's impossible to sleep.

It's kind of like the first few nights when I reinstated. Awful.

 

My wife and my 3 years old got struck by some gastroenteritis bug this week, maybe it's just my turn. I hope so.

I don't think I've ever wished to have a stomac bug before.

 

What a life.

[Alfred1977]

Hey @Tweed9674, I am really sorry to read about GRIN1. When my daughter was 1 year old our pediatrician send us several times to the emergency department of the hospital and several month up to years we didn't know what was the problem. In the end we were extremely lucky since the anomality of her immune system that they discovered was merely a fever syndrome that has been growing out over the years since that time. In the hospital we met a lot of children and parents that were not lucky. I think I will always remember this feeling and atmosphere. Not knowing what's wrong with your child or knowing that it's not gonna be ok.

I hope and wish you get the support you deserve in that situation. And I wish you peace of mind and confidence. Personally I am struggling with my faith a lot. But during hardship faith seems to be very important to me. "Although everything seems and feels desperate, there must be some good and unfathomable purpose and plan behind all this."   

 

If your nausea came fast and "violently" and your family is ill too, then it's probably a stomach bug. Do you have fever?

[Tweed9674]

Thank you for the support @Alfred1977.

 

At least, GRIN1 is not degenerative. The only thing that can get very bad is the epilepsy. Other than that, there is no immediate danger to his life.

Every morning, I know that he'll smile to me and be happy to see me. Then he'll get very very mad at me if I don't immediatly give him something to drink and eat 😂

 

I'm sorry about your daughter. These are very hard times for a parent. They do leave a mark.

Did her condition get better with time or is this something that she still have to deal with to this day?

 

----

 

I don't have a fever. I hope that this is all just a hiccup and that it have nothing to do with my anti-depressant situation.

All I can do and wait and see!

 

Thank you for being here

 

 

[Alfred1977]

4 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

Did her condition get better with time or is this something that she still have to deal with to this day?

No, she seems to be fine now. She is 11. The first 3 years have been rough (she got every 4-6 weeks high fever for seemingly no reason) but then it got continuously better. Her last fever attack was in 2020, I think.

 

Is there any medication or anything else that can be done to suppress those epileptic fits? Can you see them coming some time before?

[Tweed9674]

41 minutes ago, Alfred1977 said:

No, she seems to be fine now. She is 11. The first 3 years have been rough (she got every 4-6 weeks high fever for seemingly no reason) but then it got continuously better. Her last fever attack was in 2020, I think.

That's great!

 

41 minutes ago, Alfred1977 said:

Is there any medication or anything else that can be done to suppress those epileptic fits? Can you see them coming some time before?

We don't know yet. They still haven't been able to capture a seizure through an EEG so for now he is untreated. As far as we know he's only having absence seizure for now.

[Tweed9674]

Welp, it's not gastroenteritis.

 

I now believe that whatever happened when I pushed too hard during my walk yesterday also triggered the wave I'm feeling today.

The headaches and the brain fog are back. I barely slept last night and I've been anxious most of the day. My appetite is also gone again. 😂

My energy level super low.

 

I still went for a 45 minutes walk with my 3 years old because... I can? In my defense, it was veryyyy slow paced. 🐢

 

Tomorrow is another day

Edited Sunday at 07:11 PM by Tweed9674
I messed up... posted an empty message

[Alfred1977]

I wanted to answer you and then I realized that I am really negative right now, overthinking, analyzing and that this is not helpful at the moment.

I think I will have to meditate upon finding some positive thoughts. Until then stay strong and feel better soon!