Tweed9674: stopped escitalopram cold turkey 4 months ago

[Tweed9674]

Thank you for reaching out despite the fact that you are feeling down @Alfred1977. 💪

[Alfred1977]

I feel somewhat better now. Did your wave recede a little?

[Tweed9674]

3 hours ago, Alfred1977 said:

I feel somewhat better now. Did your wave recede a little?

It's good that you feel better!

 

On my side, things are slowy getting worse since last saturday. After feeling great last week...

 

I now have anxiety and I feel very tense for no real reason. (Other than withdrawal and a broken brain haha)

The dizziness is getting worse and my legs feels like jelly. It's such a weird feeling!!

I have trouble focusing and I struggle a lot with work.

Since last saturday, I have been struggling with my daily walks too. At some point, my legs get so weak, I can barely but one feet in front of the other. Yesterday it happened at the 2.75km mark.

I felt almost drunk, I was struggling to walk straight. My heart rate was low enough (~103 bpm according to my fitbit) and I was not out of breath at all.

 

I also feel even more sensitive to sound then before.

 

Sleep is not great but with a combination of melatonin, magnesium, ocean wave noises, a sleep mask, camomile and getting to bed ultra early I manage to get enough.

 

Anyway. Despite all of this, I still hope that I won't have to update.

I really, really, really don't want to updose 😢 

[Alfred1977]

Sry to hear this. Personally I am very unsure about dosing. At first I thought I need to updose, then I thought I need a reduction...and now I think I ll wait and see as Lotus suggested.

However, if you were sure that updosing would bring relief, I would go for it. You can catch up later tapering again when your situation has improved (do you really want to wait for 4 month in between tapering steps?).

 

Today I came across two ways to reduce cortisol and thus tension and anxiety that were new to me. I already ordered the stuff and will give it a try. It is written in this thread but somewhat hidden: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/17471-early-morning-waking-managing-the-morning-cortisol-spike/

 

1) phosphatidylserine

2) 100mg aspirin taken at the evening

 

In this article https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/full/10.1161/HYPERTENSIONAHA.109.134825

it is said that 100mg aspirin at the evening could reduce cortisol excretion in urine by 52 nmol/24 hours. I dont know really what that means but Google said that a healthy adult has around 30-145nmol/24h and so this sounds like a lot (if I am not confusing things).

 

P.S.: And I will also try taking magnesium regularly.

[Tweed9674]

16 minutes ago, Alfred1977 said:

Sry to hear this. Personally I am very unsure about dosing. At first I thought I need to updose, then I thought I need a reduction...and now I think I ll wait and see as Lotus suggested.

However, if you were sure that updosing would bring relief, I would go for it. You can catch up later tapering again when your situation has improved (do you really want to wait for 4 month in between tapering steps?).

I really do want to go that slow. Stability is one thing I cannot risk. It will absolutely take forever. The way I see it, years of stable tapering is better than years living in hell.

I also know that a 4 months hold doesn't give me any guarantee that I won't go downhill.

 

I don't want to go into protracted WD from months old drops and acute WD from recent drops at the very same time. I'm not sure I make any sense 😂

 

1 hour ago, Alfred1977 said:

Today I came across two ways to reduce cortisol and thus tension and anxiety that were new to me. I already ordered the stuff and will give it a try. It is written in this thread but somewhat hidden: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/17471-early-morning-waking-managing-the-morning-cortisol-spike/

 

1) phosphatidylserine

2) 100mg aspirin taken at the evening

 

In this article https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/full/10.1161/HYPERTENSIONAHA.109.134825

it is said that 100mg aspirin at the evening could reduce cortisol excretion in urine by 52 nmol/24 hours. I dont know really what that means but Google said that a healthy adult has around 30-145nmol/24h and so this sounds like a lot (if I am not confusing things).

 

Thank you for this. I didn't know about any of these two. I'll look into phosphatidylserine for sure.

Aspirin being a blood thinner, I'll probably won't go that way. Camomile (for sure) and escitalopram (maybe it's just via interaction, I can't remember) are already blood thinners.

I'd rather not add another one to the mix.

 

I also saw a few mentions of vitamin C in the thread, maybe I'll try that!

The cortisol rush is real, I usually get it around 2:30am.

 

1 hour ago, Alfred1977 said:

P.S.: And I will also try taking magnesium regularly.

 

I had a weird reaction to it last night. I woke up at 2:30am and after 15 minutes I was way too awake to be able to fall asleep again. I took a capsule of Magnesium Bisglycinate 200mg. After 20 or maybe 30 minutes, I started like I was about to faint and I started to get nauseous. I eventually fell asleep and woke up again at 6am....

 

My guess is that 200mg is maybe too much for my system right now. It was my first time having a reaction to it though.

Sadly, it's a capsule and the powder inside the capsule is not soluble in water. I can't easily control the dosage if I don't take the whole capsule 😕 

[Catwoman73]

1 hour ago, Tweed9674 said:

On my side, things are slowy getting worse since last saturday. After feeling great last week...

 

I now have anxiety and I feel very tense for no real reason. (Other than withdrawal and a broken brain haha)

The dizziness is getting worse and my legs feels like jelly. It's such a weird feeling!!

I have trouble focusing and I struggle a lot with work.

Since last saturday, I have been struggling with my daily walks too. At some point, my legs get so weak, I can barely but one feet in front of the other. Yesterday it happened at the 2.75km mark.

I felt almost drunk, I was struggling to walk straight. My heart rate was low enough (~103 bpm according to my fitbit) and I was not out of breath at all.

 

I also feel even more sensitive to sound then before.

 

Sleep is not great but with a combination of melatonin, magnesium, ocean wave noises, a sleep mask, camomile and getting to bed ultra early I manage to get enough.

 

Anyway. Despite all of this, I still hope that I won't have to update.

I really, really, really don't want to updose 😢 

So sorry to hear, @Tweed9674.  This all sounds like my long covid lol!  Crazy how much overlap there is between the two conditions!  

I am super sensitive to sound as well.  My daughter is buying me some good noise reducing earplugs for Mother's Day- maybe something like that would help you with focus at work?

Hang in there.. I'm hoping you can avoid updosing as well!

[Alfred1977]

16 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

I don't want to go into protracted WD from months old drops and acute WD from recent drops at the very same time. I'm not sure I make any sense 😂

I understand that the delayed withdrawal reaction you experienced is really frightening. This was also mentioned in some interviews I watched and there are supposed to be other cases like you. Did you do some research on that? Maybe such delayed reactions only occur if you drop a high dose and tapering slowly and gradually preempts this?

 

P.S.: If it doesn't already exist, delayed reactions is a topic worth opening a separate thread for, I think.

 

16 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

Aspirin being a blood thinner, I'll probably won't go that way. Camomile (for sure) and escitalopram (maybe it's just via interaction, I can't remember) are already blood thinners.

Yes I think all SSRI are blood thinners. I ll try anyway cause cortisol is right now my "main enemy".

[Tweed9674]

6 minutes ago, Alfred1977 said:

I understand that the delayed withdrawal reaction you experienced is really frightening. This was also mentioned in some interviews I watched and there are supposed to be other cases like you. Did you do some research on that? Maybe such delayed reactions only occur if you drop a high dose and tapering slowly and gradually preempts this?

I did researche this a bit. There is so many factors that affect both protracted and acute withdrawal!

 

Protracted withdrawal discontinuation symptoms are a possibility even with a slow taper. But it should be less intense.

The Brassmonkey method is about limiting the risk by taking time to asses your symptoms, by slowing down significantly the end game drops and holding for as long as necessary when things go bad.

Sadly, there's no such thing as a risk free withdrawal.

 

There's also no contraindication to an even slower taper. 😄 

 

I don't plan starting to preach about an even slower taper method anywhere, to anyone. It's just me, and i'm in no rush!

 

----

Let me know how it goes with Aspirin

[Alfred1977]

1 minute ago, Tweed9674 said:

Let me know how it goes with Aspirin

I will.

 

I found this thread about delayed onset of withdrawal.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/17771-delayed-withdrawal-symptoms-late-onset-depression-as-a-wd-effect-looking-for-journal-articles/#comment-350222

[Catwoman73]

How's it going @Tweed9674?

[Tweed9674]

Thank you for asking @Catwoman73, it means a lot.

 

It's a mixed bag. Today is probably the worst day i've had in the past two weeks.

That being said, it's mostly because my 3 years old kept me and my wife awake most of the night. (From 12:00 am to 5:30 am.)

He just could not sleep. He wanted too. His brain wouldn't let him.

 

That's one of the many particularities of GRIN1.

It deeply affect Glutamate in his nervous system. What affect the nervous system also affect... sleep.

 

Anyway, enough rambling about that, it is what it is

 

Night like these makes a normal day pretty rough.

A day in a wave of withdrawal / reinstatement become.... A bit nightmare-ish

 

It's rainy outside. I should go for a walk but... I'm out of courage, energy and motivation.

 

A least nobody is currently sick for a change...! I shouldn't say this. Karma is a b*tch hahaha!

[Catwoman73]

9 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

Thank you for asking @Catwoman73, it means a lot.

 

It's a mixed bag. Today is probably the worst day i've had in the past two weeks.

That being said, it's mostly because my 3 years old kept me and my wife awake most of the night. (From 12:00 am to 5:30 am.)

He just could not sleep. He wanted too. His brain wouldn't let him.

 

That's one of the many particularities of GRIN1.

It deeply affect Glutamate in his nervous system. What affect the nervous system also affect... sleep.

 

Anyway, enough rambling about that, it is what it is

 

Night like these makes a normal day pretty rough.

A day in a wave of withdrawal / reinstatement become.... A bit nightmare-ish

 

It's rainy outside. I should go for a walk but... I'm out of courage, energy and motivation.

 

A least nobody is currently sick for a change...! I shouldn't say this. Karma is a b*tch hahaha!

Oh, I'm so sorry.  I really find rainy days don't help, either.  It's like kicking you when you're already down.

 

There are no 'shoulds'... only survival some days.  Give yourself that grace.  Maybe a bath and a warm drink might be a better choice today.  

 

Hang in there... hoping tomorrow brings a bit more peace!

[Alfred1977]

Hey Tweed, how are you doing? Did you get a little better? Can you find some rest at the weekend?

[Tweed9674]

Hey @Alfred1977

 

Thank you for taking the time. My weekends are usually just as busy as my week days haha!

 

Yesterday was "microdose of THC oil to avoid withdrawal" night. It makes me feel soooo weird and I want to stop sooo bad.

I don't know if I should.

 

Other than that, I feel like I'm getting slowly worse, little by little, every day.

It's mostly the dizziness, the brain fog (memory, concentration, capacity to react to stimulus, etc) and balance that are getting worse.

My tolerance to physical activities also got fairly worse this week.

I also get overwhelmed by sound / noisy environement quite easily.

 

But hey, I can still function and I'm very grateful for that!

My plan doesn't change for now. I'll hold for as long as possible.

 

How are you yourself? Are you able to get some sleep?

[Alfred1977]

53 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

Other than that, I feel like I'm getting slowly worse, little by little, every day.

I am sorry to hear that. Do you have any idea what is causing this?

 

54 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

My tolerance to physical activities also got fairly worse this week.

I also get overwhelmed by sound / noisy environement quite easily.

By now I think that resting and staying away from stress is what helps me best to calm down (apart from any serious drugs). I am slowly trying to adjust my expectations to this fact.

 

57 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

How are you yourself? Are you able to get some sleep?

I would say sleep is around 4 out of ten. Monday evening I took 5mg Trimipramine and it scared the s*** out of me how good it worked. I was calm and a little bit euphoric on Tuesday. Maybe I am stupid but I immediately began tapering it out. Now I try keeping my room dark (seems to work better than a sleep mask), magnesium and aspirin. But I guess resting and staying away from stress works best.

 

Does THC oil help with sleeping?

[Catwoman73]

2 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

Hey @Alfred1977

 

Thank you for taking the time. My weekends are usually just as busy as my week days haha!

 

Yesterday was "microdose of THC oil to avoid withdrawal" night. It makes me feel soooo weird and I want to stop sooo bad.

I don't know if I should.

 

Other than that, I feel like I'm getting slowly worse, little by little, every day.

It's mostly the dizziness, the brain fog (memory, concentration, capacity to react to stimulus, etc) and balance that are getting worse.

My tolerance to physical activities also got fairly worse this week.

I also get overwhelmed by sound / noisy environement quite easily.

 

But hey, I can still function and I'm very grateful for that!

My plan doesn't change for now. I'll hold for as long as possible.

So sorry to hear Tweed.  I really could have written this- your withdrawal sounds a lot like my long covid.  I need quiet, I go through phases where just taking a shower is overwhelmingly exhausting, I can't think, and I'm so damned clumsy- hence the minor ankle sprain this week.  Rest is best!  As much as you can as a parent of little ones, anyway. 

 

I've always been a huge fan of THC- since it's legal, I sort of replaced alcohol with weed gummies to relax and unwind.  But I had a scary reaction the last time I took one- I completely blacked out, which has never, ever happened.  So no more of that.  How often are you using it now?

 

I, too, am grateful that I have the level of functionality that I have.  It could always be worse.  But I can't help but sometimes go to that dark place, wondering when I'm going to fall off a cliff lol... I'm really hoping to avoid it, with the slow taper, but I remember all too well how awful my past withdrawals have been.  I'm grateful to be here, and know that support from people who get it is just a message away.  

[Tweed9674]

21 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

I've always been a huge fan of THC- since it's legal, I sort of replaced alcohol with weed gummies to relax and unwind.  But I had a scary reaction the last time I took one- I completely blacked out, which has never, ever happened.  So no more of that.  How often are you using it now?

Once a week on Friday night. Around 0.03ml. It's less than a drop and yet... I HATE how it makes me feel.

 

I wonder if the slow worsening of my situation is because of THC withdrawal or my CNS getting used to my current dose of escitalopram and demanding more.

 

I'll drop THC before I make another move on escitalopram that's for sure.

[Catwoman73]

18 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

Once a week on Friday night. Around 0.03ml. It's less than a drop and yet... I HATE how it makes me feel.

 

I wonder if the slow worsening of my situation is because of THC withdrawal or my CNS getting used to my current dose of escitalopram and demanding more.

 

I'll drop THC before I make another move on escitalopram that's for sure.

I so wish it was easier to know what on earth is going on in our brains in these situations.  I think you're smart, holding steady, right where you are, even though you don't like the acute effects of that tiny little partial drop of THC.  I imagine it would be so tempting to just drop it, at such a low dose, but scary at the same time.  There's nothing like a cold turkey stop of one of these drugs to make us super cautious!!  You've got a great plan going forward.

[Catwoman73]

Hi @Tweed9674- how are you?  You've been quiet!

Thinking of you! 

[Alfred1977]

Hi @Tweed9674,

I also wonder how you feel. I hope you feel better and come back soon!

[Tweed9674]

Hi @Catwoman73 @Alfred1977

 

Thank you for reaching out!

 

From monday to wednesday I had good days.... Today though, I feel like complete garbage. I'm dizzy, nauseated, my guts hurt and I'm more hypersensitive then I have ever been. Waves and windows!

 

Other than that, I'm completely overwhelmed by... life. We have so many appointments for both my oldest and yougest kids....

My wife doesn't drive so every single appointment is my burden to take.

 

I just don't have any time to rest or to relax. I'm beyond tired.

 

It is what it is, I'll survive haha!

 

 

[Catwoman73]

12 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

Hi @Catwoman73 @Alfred1977

 

Thank you for reaching out!

 

From monday to wednesday I had good days.... Today though, I feel like complete garbage. I'm dizzy, nauseated, my guts hurt and I'm more hypersensitive then I have ever been. Waves and windows!

 

Other than that, I'm completely overwhelmed by... life. We have so many appointments for both my oldest and yougest kids....

My wife doesn't drive so every single appointment is my burden to take.

 

I just don't have any time to rest or to relax. I'm beyond tired.

 

It is what it is, I'll survive haha!

 

 

That's rough.  My daughter had a stroke when she was born, and I was suffering from severe post partum depression- probably mild psychosis- and I remember all too well all the appointments, and the chaos.  I literally wanted to run away.  Or throw myself off a bridge.  It's an awful feeling.  I think it's very hard to heal when we're under that much pressure as well.  I wish I had helpful suggestions, but you're right- sometimes we're just surviving.  I'm glad you had a nice window, though... steps in the right direction, despite the stress you're under.  Sending hugs and support your way!!

[Tweed9674]

1 minute ago, Catwoman73 said:

That's rough.  My daughter had a stroke when she was born, and I was suffering from severe post partum depression- probably mild psychosis- and I remember all too well all the appointments, and the chaos.  I literally wanted to run away.  Or throw myself off a bridge.  It's an awful feeling.

Oh my, that's wild. I hope she recovered fully from the stroke!

 

I can relate to this... Story time! When my youngest was born (emergency c-sec, procidence of the umbilical cord), he was blue and he wasn't breathing. He went through resuscitation protocol (I don't know if that's how it's called in english) and spent 10 days in ICU after that. THE darkest time in my life.

 

For 2 years we were wondering if that was the reason for his (very) late development. And then we got the GRIN1 diagnosis!

 

I can't imagine having to deal with post partum depression at the same time. DAMN.

 

1 hour ago, Catwoman73 said:

It's an awful feeling.  I think it's very hard to heal when we're under that much pressure as well.  I wish I had helpful suggestions, but you're right- sometimes we're just surviving.  I'm glad you had a nice window, though... steps in the right direction, despite the stress you're under.  Sending hugs and support your way!!

 

We all do what we can.... and a little more! I'm just grateful for what I have and ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the rest

[Alfred1977]

1 hour ago, Tweed9674 said:

I just don't have any time to rest or to relax. I'm beyond tired.

 Hey @Tweed9674, forgive me if I am talking BS. Don't really know anything about all the obligations and constraints that are haunting you and your family. BUT...you getting rest and recovering is also extremely important for your family, isn't it?! In the long run it might be better for your kids and your wife if they give up on your full time support for the next couple of month...at least if the alternative is you breaking down. I would cut back on anything non existential until you somewhat recovered and are on a positive trend again.

[Catwoman73]

1 hour ago, Tweed9674 said:

Oh my, that's wild. I hope she recovered fully from the stroke!

 

I can relate to this... Story time! When my youngest was born (emergency c-sec, procidence of the umbilical cord), he was blue and he wasn't breathing. He went through resuscitation protocol (I don't know if that's how it's called in english) and spent 10 days in ICU after that. THE darkest time in my life.

 

For 2 years we were wondering if that was the reason for his (very) late development. And then we got the GRIN1 diagnosis!

 

I can't imagine having to deal with post partum depression at the same time. DAMN.

 

 

We all do what we can.... and a little more! I'm just grateful for what I have and ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the rest

She has made an amazing recovery!  It was a massive stroke, so we were told to prepare ourselves for the worst.  And she's now an honour student and a super talented dancer and singer!  That whole time around her birth is quite a story that I will no doubt someday discuss on my thread.  But I was psychotic, hallucinating, and unmedicated at the time.  It was this period that led me to truly understand what some people in this forum really go through.  I was literally ready to kill myself, or someone else.  And I was trying to behave like a normal person, because I was constantly in the NICU with her, and I didn't want to appear like I was out of my mind and unfit to parent.  Even though, at that time, I probably wasn't fit to parent.  I can't believe I got through it, but it was incredibly traumatic.  

 

Watching your child go through the resuscitation procedures is pretty horrific, and I have no doubt it's left a mark on you.  We both need to keep looking back on these times as a reminder of how strong we really are!!!

 

I'm so glad you managed to get a diagnosis... so many doctors just blow off developmental delays, and say that kids develop in their own time.... two years is a long time to be stressed about that though.  Fortunately or unfortunately, my daughter was having seizures in the hospital... they didn't believe me at first... but a nurse finally witnessed one, and the ball got rolling for a quick diagnosis.

[Tweed9674]

3 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

She has made an amazing recovery!  It was a massive stroke, so we were told to prepare ourselves for the worst.  And she's now an honour student and a super talented dancer and singer!  That whole time around her birth is quite a story that I will no doubt someday discuss on my thread.  But I was psychotic, hallucinating, and unmedicated at the time.  It was this period that led me to truly understand what some people in this forum really go through.  I was literally ready to kill myself, or someone else.  And I was trying to behave like a normal person, because I was constantly in the NICU with her, and I didn't want to appear like I was out of my mind and unfit to parent.  Even though, at that time, I probably wasn't fit to parent.  I can't believe I got through it, but it was incredibly traumatic.  

 

I am SO happy that you both made it. I don't doubt that it did leave quite a scar on the soul....

 

6 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

Watching your child go through the resuscitation procedures is pretty horrific, and I have no doubt it's left a mark on you.  We both need to keep looking back on these times as a reminder of how strong we really are!!!

 

Before that, never had I ever felt so hopeless, powerless and alone. It was right at the moment where the autorities decided to cancel christmas because of covid in 2020.

My wife was in a pretty bad shape after the c-sec. I was so alone. We couldn't see our 2 other kids... or anyone else.

We had to fight to be able to see the little one because of how restricted everything was.

 

A few weeks after, my dad had an heart attack. Not even my mom could visit him.

It was unbearable and inhuman.

[Catwoman73]

I had a similar experience when I had my daughter in 2009.  That was the year of the H1N1 pandemic (much less publicized than COVID lol), and my daughter was in the NICU, with no visitors allowed except the parents.  And my husband had to go back to work. I was so alone, terrified, psychotic, and using tremendous amounts of energy to pretend I was fine.  It really was horrific.  

 

Loneliness just makes this journey so much worse.  I'm an introverted person, but being alone in a crisis truly is a form of torture.  COVID was such a cluster F*ck... handled so poorly, and caused so many people in similar situations to yours so much trauma.  As healthcare workers, we were screaming it from the top of our lungs, but government bureaucracy reigned supreme during that time.  I never loved my career, but the handling of covid broke me.  I couldn't watch people suffering like that, alone, and come out of it unscathed.  It breaks my heart that you went through all that.

[Catwoman73]

You've been quiet, @Tweed9674- hope you're doing well, and had a nice weekend!

[Tweed9674]

Hey @Catwoman73, thank you for reaching out... here are some news:

 

Friday night was THC oil night! It did not go well. I barely slept. It's hard to describe how unpleasant it was.

There's no way i'm doing 0.03ml again. It'll be either 0.01 or nothing. I don't know yet.

 

I'll have to live with the consequences.

 

-----

 

In other news, I had brain zaps every night for the past 3 nights when I wake up around 2 am. Good times.

Oh my poor brain... Why did I put you though this?

 

I also started having quite a lot of nausea and pain in my guts. Mostly at night.... but sometimes during the day too. It doesn't seem to follow any pattern.

The dizziness and brain fog have both stopped getting worse so there's that.

 

On the emotion side of thing, I don't have crying spells anymore. It shifted toward (more!!) irritability, anger and maybe a bit of depression.

Nothing unmanageable for now.

 

-----

 

My weekends are a bit crazy. I can't wait to catch a break. Maybe somewhere next year. 🙄

[Catwoman73]

8 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

Hey @Catwoman73, thank you for reaching out... here are some news:

 

Friday night was THC oil night! It did not go well. I barely slept. It's hard to describe how unpleasant it was.

There's no way i'm doing 0.03ml again. It'll be either 0.01 or nothing. I don't know yet.

 

I'll have to live with the consequences.

 

-----

 

In other news, I had brain zaps every night for the past 3 nights when I wake up around 2 am. Good times.

Oh my poor brain... Why did I put you though this?

 

I also started having quite a lot of nausea and pain in my guts. Mostly at night.... but sometimes during the day too. It doesn't seem to follow any pattern.

The dizziness and brain fog have both stopped getting worse so there's that.

 

On the emotion side of thing, I don't have crying spells anymore. It shifted toward (more!!) irritability, anger and maybe a bit of depression.

Nothing unmanageable for now.

 

-----

 

My weekends are a bit crazy. I can't wait to catch a break. Maybe somewhere next year. 🙄

Good to hear from you!  The constant morphing of symptoms can be exhausting.  It's the same with long covid.  My brain fog might get a bit better, but suddenly I have crippling joint pain or something.  I think that contributes to so many doctors thinking that we're absolutely crazy lol.  From the outside, it does sound like it's completely made up.  I'm glad we have people here who get it.

 

I'm sorry about the new symptoms.  I've always found brain zaps to be truly alarming, even when I know what they are.   Did they start on Friday night then?  With the THC?  Maybe dropping it would be a good thing if that's the case.  Nonetheless, I'm glad you're managing ok- I'm eternally grateful to be managing well at the moment myself.  Slow and steady does seem to be the way!

[Tweed9674]

2 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

Did they start on Friday night then?  With the THC?

They did! I seem to notice that I get more dizzy the 2-3 days after too.

 

It might be time for a change of plan and just drop the THC.

 

4 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

he constant morphing of symptoms can be exhausting.  It's the same with long covid.  My brain fog might get a bit better, but suddenly I have crippling joint pain or something.  I think that contributes to so many doctors thinking that we're absolutely crazy lol.  From the outside, it does sound like it's completely made up.  I'm glad we have people here who get it.

 

Oh yes. This forum is a blessing. Most people around me believe that discontinuation of SSRI is my problem.... but they don't understand the extent or what we have to go through daily. It's hard to understand if you don't go through something similar. My dad went through CT withdrawal from benzo after years of use. He gets it.

 

By the way, even if I lack the time to answer to your own introduction thread everyday, I still read every single post. Keep them coming!

[Emonda]

Hi @Tweed9674

I haven't read your thread yet, but I wanted to drop by and say thanks for helping out on quite a few threads. You've been super encouraging towards others.

 

Cheers, Emonda

[Catwoman73]

On 5/13/2024 at 9:07 PM, Tweed9674 said:

They did! I seem to notice that I get more dizzy the 2-3 days after too.

 

It might be time for a change of plan and just drop the THC.

 

 

Oh yes. This forum is a blessing. Most people around me believe that discontinuation of SSRI is my problem.... but they don't understand the extent or what we have to go through daily. It's hard to understand if you don't go through something similar. My dad went through CT withdrawal from benzo after years of use. He gets it.

 

By the way, even if I lack the time to answer to your own introduction thread everyday, I still read every single post. Keep them coming!

I think dropping the THC would be fine.  You're not changing anything else right now, and you're in a pretty good spot mentally.  I don't see how the timing could get any better, really!

 

You're lucky to have a good support network.  I have that too, but I don't talk about my experiences with them very much (except my husband and daughter, who need to understand why I am crying randomly for no apparent reason).  I feel like a bit of a burden at times, which I know is not the case, but this is old tapes playing in my mind.  I wasn't allowed to have emotions as a small child, as it was an inconvenience to my father.  So I learned to stuff it all down deep.  My therapist has been great at helping me dig this stuff up, and understand how I ended up here. 

 

And you're right- if you haven't gone through this, there is no way to fully understand it.  I try to describe the sensations to my husband, but I still don't think he totally gets it.  Your poor dad- that had to be a terrifying experience.  I only ever used benzos for very short periods- I think the longest was 2 weeks at one point.  I'm very grateful for that!

 

And no worries if you don't have time to comment on my thread... we're all busy!  

[Tweed9674]

Thank you @Emonda for the kind words. I really appreciate it.

 

------

 

For today update...

 

I feel stupid right now. I made two change at a time. I started taking 500mg vitamin C Monday. The same day, I decided to start running during during my daily walk. I really didn't sleep well that night.

I did it again yesterday. Vit C and even more running. I had my worse night of sleep since April 7. It was brutal.

 

It could by any of these:

• A reaction to vit C. I'm hypersensible to almost everything after all.
• A reaction to the intense physical activity (I should know better, damn it).
• THC withdrawal slowly kicking in. The timing is perfect.
• Protracted withdrawal symptoms shifting.

I promised myself to keep thing stable and simple. Hahaha, well done me!

 

Anyway. My plan is to drop both Vit C and running for now to see if I can improve my sleep.

If I see an improvement, all good. If not, my guess is that THC withdrawal is creeping in!

 

I did notice a change in my mood in the past week. It's nothing brutal but I feel more negative and less motivated compared to my usual self.

What can be explained by withdrawal is usually withdrawal and.... I dropped my THC intake VERY fast because I became hyper senstitive to it. From 0.56ml a week to 0.03ml a week in 2 weeks.

 

 

All That being said, I won't be dropping THC oil this week. Not yet.

Maybe I'll try to spread it on multiple day. 0.01ml 2 or 3 times a week instead of one shot of 0.03ml.

0.01ml is the lowest I can go with a 0.5ml syringe.

 

Maybe two or three more weeks?

[Tweed9674]

Back with a very small update.

 

I'm fairly confident that my sleep issues were because of the running. I'll stick to my 2 walks for now haha!

 

Also... @Catwoman73 you are right. I'm done with the THC oil. It's time.

[Catwoman73]

23 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

Back with a very small update.

 

I'm fairly confident that my sleep issues were because of the running. I'll stick to my 2 walks for now haha!

 

Also... @Catwoman73 you are right. I'm done with the THC oil. It's time.

I can totally see that.  I LOVE my hard core exercise, but now is clearly not the time for it.  It's hard to give that stuff up when it's almost part of our identities, but running and dance will always be there!  We can get back to it on the other side!

 

How did it go without the THC last night?