WinningThrough: Does it get better?

[Rhiannon]

WT, sounds like a wave to me. It will pass. Hang in there.

 

It's going to be a rocky ride for a while, but you're going to get to the other side.

 

It's way too soon to assume there's a problem with your eyes, particularly since the eye symptoms come and go along with the other wave symptoms (emotional waves, anxiety etc.)

 

I can't remember, what's happening with lorazepam? Are you taking it? How often? Did you quit taking it, and if so, when? 

 

Sounds like you're having a lot of anxiety and those danged benzos can really be involved with that.

[WinningThrough]

Hi Rhi. I haven't had any lorazepam for 6 weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if I've been getting benzo withdrawal as well because I was taking it erratically..usually 1mg which is equivalent to 10mg valium so quite a high dose. I'd started to become tolerant to it too.

 

I'm probably suffering from withdrawal from quetiapine, sertraline and lorazepam all at the same time and possibly even withdrawal from the diazepam and citalopram I had last year.

 

I'm surprised I'm alive !!! Lol.

 

Maybe I've had so many crying spells that I'm literally crying myself blind!!

[Rhiannon]

Aw sweetie, hang in there! You're going to get through this, it's just going to be bumpy for a while.

[Narcissus]

My rational brain is telling me that this is withdrawal. My withdrawal brain is terrified. 

 

I'm amazed that your rational brain is in tact at all.  When I'm having a rough patch, it's usually the first thing to depart.  

 

But yes, as Rhi says, try to hang in there and this black wave will roll on by.  You aren't alone.  I had such a horrendous flare-up today that I had to pull my car over and sob for five minutes.  I happened to be next to an Aikido studio, and two big guys came out in their samurai gear and offered me a glass of water.  It was actually pretty funny in retrospect.  I suspect they thought I was a bit of a wimp...but if they only knew what we are fighting!  

 

Anyway, I'm sure this wave will be over soon.  I'll see you on the other side of it.

[WinningThrough]

Hello narcissus. It's nice to see you here.

 

I'm so sorry you had to pull your car over to cry. Sending healing thoughts. The blubbing spells just aren't something that can be controlled.

 

Today I think my blurred vision might be down to using my iPad too much ... Lol!

[WinningThrough]

Hi

 

Really freaking out.

 

I feel I've made so many mistakes with my drugs and I've royally messed up.

 

I read many times on here that if someone comes off their drugs too quickly and doesn't reinstate, they are in for years of misery and intolerable suffering. That's in my head now and I can't get it out of my head. Its all I can think about. I can't stop thinking now that this is whats going to happen to me.

 

I've had almost nine months now with absolutely no relief whatsoever and the idea of this going on and on and on for years is terrifying.

 

I tried reinstating at 5mg and it sort of helped one or two things but made others worse. Now I'm on another reinstatement at 1mg which is a really small dose of zoloft. I'm well and truly going through withdrawal. 3 months off now, including the reinstatements. I've read that if you get past the withdrawal and feel ok, it can come back and not go away.

 

In my case, it's so hard because I intensely suffered all the time I was on the drugs and was never, ever stable. And akathisia is something that tends to stay as long as you're on the drugs that cause it, although I know it happens in withdrawal as well, so I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. The same things go round my head all the time..should I have stayed on the 5mg and slowly titrated, would I have suffered for years doing that as I'm highly sensitive to the drug anyway, should I have gone on 2mg instead of 5, what would happen to me when I finally got off the drug, am I so sensitive that I'd go through it anyway, is the small amount I'm on really doing anything to help because I am an absolutely mess and not improving, would I ever have got stable if I'd stayed on 5 (I was being tortured every single day on the drug as well as off). There are so many scenarios and none of them look good.

 

All I can think now is that this will go on for years for me, especially as I had severe reactions to everything. I can't stop thinking about the fact that people can suffer for years. It's stuck in my head now. If I'd ever got some sort of relief from the drugs, it would be ok, but I didn't. Not ever.

 

Sorry this is so negative. All I want to be told is that everything is going to be okay.

[Rhiannon]

Hon, I think everything IS going to be okay, but it might take longer than you'd like before you get to that place.

 

The chaos that's going on in your brain isn't logical and isn't entirely under your control, so I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. But I'm sure you can see that second-guessing your past choices isn't helpful. There's nothing you can do about them, and you did the best you could at the time.

 

You have that unfortunate situation where you're between a rock and a hard place: extremely sensitive to the side effects of the drugs, but suffering in withdrawal when you don't take them, as well. And since the side effects of the drugs are very similar to the withdrawal effects, it's no wonder you've had trouble figuring out which is which and what to do.

 

In those cases, what you're doing now is the best compromise: a low dose to help cushion the worst of the withdrawal without aggravating the side effects any more than you have to.

 

If you want to try upping your dose a bit, that's always an option, but I would do it only in very tiny increments (for example going from 1 mg to 1.25 mg or so) and then holding and keeping the daily journal to see if there is consistent improvement or worsening. Since you're likely to be going through waves of symptoms no matter what you do right now, it can be hard to sort out whether or not changes are having any effect or if the effect is good or bad.

[Rhiannon]

Also, yes, you're probably suffering from multiple withdrawals and the overall chaos of all the meds, going on and off them, throughout 2013 and early this year. It's going to take a while to stabilize from all of that. That's what your brain is doing now--it's trying to find its way back to normal chemical balance and homeostasis. Give it time and love it, it's a difficult job.

 

We have never before been exposed to anything like these drugs during evolution, so our brains don't really have any effective mechanisms for fixing things. Yet amazingly, for most people, given time, they DO manage to sort it out and heal pretty well. I think that's the true surprise with these drugs--not that they screw up our brains so much for so long, but that our brains actually do manage to heal somehow, given enough time!

[WinningThrough]

Thanks Rhi. It's good to be able to let it all out on here. I did quite well today, managed to go out for a while. Even managed lunch in a pub somehow, goodness know how I held it together! Then I went nuts when I got home! Absolutely lost it!

 

I know I need to keep believing the brain knows how to heal itself. Believe it or not I'm a reiki master. I'm not a very good advert for one!!! Lol. I really should use my reiki on myself. Now that would be a sensible thing to do. I guess it's because when I lie down, I can't keep still and the akathisia drives me crazy. But maybe I should just push through that and do the reiki anyway because it can only help.

 

I used to be big into the law of attraction too. Flipping withdrawal and side effects seem to love the negative rather than the positive. I have to try to use the law of attraction.

 

Thank you.

[Rhiannon]

I find it's difficult for me to control my mind enough to do visualizations and meditations on my own, when I'm in withdrawal states. These drug experiences really make it very clear how little we do control our own minds! I use meditation CDs and they help a lot.

[WinningThrough]

I had an idea today. Happens sometimes!

 

I was thinking of writing a success story for myself, even though I haven't recovered. I thought I could write it as if I was writing it in the future when I'd recovered. Something along the lines of 'I had a severe reaction and severe withdrawal and never thought I'd recover but guess what, I did! I spent months in bed, thinking I would never get better but I did. Its hard to imagine I ever went through that. Now I appreciate every single moment of my life' etc. etc.

 

I reckon this would get the feel good neurons, or whatever they are, firing again.

 

It sounds a bit 'out there' but who knows, it could lead to a good outcome! The 'write it down, make it happen' theory.

 

It's got to be better than telling myself I am stuck like this forever. Cos like, that doesn't make me feel too good!

 

It's just an idea and something that maybe others might like to try. Maybe I will make it a regular practice as I recover, when my negative withdrawal brain will let me!

[Jemima]

Hi, WinningThrough,

 

I moved your post here to your Intro thread since it really hasn't got much to do with symptoms.  Not a bad idea, though.

[Altostrata]

What a great idea! Like writing a future journal entry.

 

Would you feel bad if the future didn't match what you had imagined?

[WinningThrough]

Not necessarily. If the akathisia went then that would be enough for me. I spoke to a journalist today about my experience with psych drugs.

[Kirstyloop]

Hi winningthrough

 

How are you feeling today, just read your story and feel your frustration.

I was put on citalopram for 18 months for anxiety (very mild anxiety that didn't need medication, but hey ho)

Anyway I was on 20mg tapered down too quick on gp's advise. First week or so the dizziness and nausea were awful, thought I was pregnant. Now 9 weeks later I have the odd good positive day, or an anxious day or a complete crying despair day. It's very very hard and I'm debating reinstating at a low dose. But, do I want to sit in the gp chair with a 10 minute slot saying I would like 0.5mg a day. Is it worth riding out. I'd love to do it alone, but I'm a girl who likes reasoning, facts, certainty and this period in my life is freaking me out, I'm out of control, unpredictable. I go to bed not knowing what I will be like the next day. The torment I feel, explaining it to others 'I'm shattered' their response 'so am I' but I am really shattered.

 

I'm a second year mental health nurse... Give me strength

 

Sending love xx

[WinningThrough]

Hi kirstyl. Thanks for visiting me. Today I'm feeling .... Pants. But I'm glad I told my story to that journalist.

 

I'm so sorry to hear of your withdrawal experience, I'm not sure what to recommend about reinstatement because I don't know enough about it. I've made all kinds of messes with my doses. I see you've added a thread so someone who knows about tapering will advise you. I'm glad you're getting positive days. That sounds good to me this early on.

[Kirstyloop]

Hi

This site is of comfort. It is hard to understand what is the medication withdrawal, me or my situation I'm in/previous experience. I'm at uni on a masters so under a bit of stress, had a lot of past events/deaths etc that may be contributing (so I'm having counselling) clutching at straws as you do. I feel normal now I had a sad day then 30 mins of anxiety now I'm relaxed, it's so bizarre??

 

Xx

[WinningThrough]

I feel a moan coming on. Got to get this out. ****ing akathisia just ****ing do one. I mean seriously, how much is a person supposed to take? You have been torturing me non stop every day from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed for nearly nine months with no let up. I mean, come on. Do I not deserve a break EVER? I'm sick of being strong, trying to cope, trying to tough it out, trying not to scream. No one deserves to be tortured like this. Do I really have to spend all day every day feeling intensely suicidal, terrified, horrified, unable to function, tortured by hideous feelings inside that won't let up no matter what I do, no matter how I try to divert? This is ridiculous. Do I really have to spend my days trying to get through every single second and having to move my legs non stop? This is a ridiculous way to live. Do I really have to look at things that should be nice and be terrified of them for no reason? Do I really have to find every single little thing I do virtually impossible? You are the worst symptom, unbearable, but I have to bear it because I have no choice if I need to live. Come on. I'm not a bad person. Just leave my body. Please. Please. Please let me lie comfortably on my bed and read a book. Please let me sit on the sofa and watch television. Please let me hug my boyfriend. You've tortured me long enough. Please le me go.

[Narcissus]

This is the state of mind I've been in, Winning, I recognize it perfectly.  Sometimes I think we just need to rage.  I raged earlier today, I started yelling in my car when the strain/anxiety seemed like more than I could bear.  And it felt good.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope there's some small solace in not being alone.  It's nice that you have a boyfriend there for you, I hope that he's able to bring you some comfort.  

 

Hang in there.

[WinningThrough]

This is the state of mind I've been in, Winning, I recognize it perfectly.  Sometimes I think we just need to rage.  I raged earlier today, I started yelling in my car when the strain/anxiety seemed like more than I could bear.  And it felt good.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope there's some small solace in not being alone.  It's nice that you have a boyfriend there for you, I hope that he's able to bring you some comfort.  

 

Hang in there.

Thanks narcissus. I am so sorry you are going through this. You're right. I did need to vent last night. It was driving me out of my mind!

[WinningThrough]

Saw my GP yesterday. The one who actually believes me. He could see that the drugs had affected me and he could see I was getting withdrawal from them. He said it was a brain injury. I asked him if he'd seen this before and he said I was the first. He's never seen it before. He said in his experience when people came off their drugs, they felt ill for a few days and then they were ok.

 

He discussed drugs for akathisia .. Propranolol, nytol (the uk equivalent to benadryl), procyclidine. He said my best bet would be to see a neuropsychiatrist but that he couldn't refer me. I would need to be referred by a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist would also be able to talk to me about drugs like procyclidine.

 

I told him of my fears about being hospitalised or being made to take psychiatric drugs and he said they couldn't make me take drugs and that I didn't fit the criteria for hospitalisation.

 

Not sure the neuropsychiatrist can really do anything, or whether the psychiatrist will actually agree to refer me, but it was good to get some validation. Spoke to the care worker and told her all this. She sounded a bit dubious. She also thought my withdrawal suggested my depression 'coming back' and she said that I had seemed better when I was on the drugs. I had to try to keep my cool.

[Wolfhound]

Hi WT,

 

In my opinion, it´s great to have a GP like this one. Acknowledgement of a drug reaction must make you feel better! How´s your psychiatrist?

I don´t think a neuropsychiatrist can do anything about your drug induced (or withdrawal induced) akathisia, but you can try. It seem that neurologists are far better informed about these harmful drugs than psychiatrists, the fact itself is so sad.

I am thinking of you.

[WinningThrough]

A friend of mine is doing a massively fast taper off venlafaxine and I'm so worried. In 4 weeks he's gone from 150mg to 37.5. He's getting brain zaps and is wiped out. Don't know what to do. I said there is a website to help with this and said he might updose a little and come off slowly. He wants to go ahead and get off the drugs. I don't want to frighten him but I don't want him to go through the hell of withdrawal. I've texted him twice to suggest an updose and to get in touch for advice. I hope he will be ok.

[Narcissus]

Nice that you're looking out for your friend.  Hopefully he's able to hear you.

[mammaP]

It is so hard not to react to people who say they are getting off their ad's and you know

they are in for a rough ride. I have had to stop myself from going on and on about

withdrawal in the past and just pray they have listened.  It's great that you are looking

out for him and I hope he takes your suggestions on board. 

 

Let us know if you get to see a neuropsychiatrist, hopefully he/she will know something about

withdrawal. 

[WinningThrough]

My friend has slowed down on the venlafaxine withdrawal and is doing it differently from the doctors suggested taper. He is feeling better so that is really good.

 

Saw my care worker today. She said that I've educated her and she's learned things from me that she had no idea existed. That is quite a step forward. I felt bad, actually, because she is a very nice lady and all she ever wanted was for me to feel better. She honestly didn't know that this stuff could happen and hated seeing me suffering so much. It really upset her. For all my ranting about our plight being ignored, almost every doctor and care worker who has seen me has cried or got tears in their eyes. She genuinely thought that I'd feel much better on drugs. The worst person in all this has been the hospital psychiatrist. The others did seem to care and want me to be better. The care worker is not sure what the best thing is for me but now completely understands my reluctance to take any psych drugs and realises I react to them. I am seeing a new psychiatrist with a view to discussing my med induced issues and getting a referral to a neuro psychiatrist. It will be interesting to see what the new psychiatrist has to say and whether he believes me. I think he possibly might if I discuss it very calmly and rationally with him. My GP and the care worker have both learnt something and believe me.

[Rhiannon]

I had an idea today. Happens sometimes!

 

I was thinking of writing a success story for myself, even though I haven't recovered. I thought I could write it as if I was writing it in the future when I'd recovered. Something along the lines of 'I had a severe reaction and severe withdrawal and never thought I'd recover but guess what, I did! I spent months in bed, thinking I would never get better but I did. Its hard to imagine I ever went through that. Now I appreciate every single moment of my life' etc. etc.

 

I reckon this would get the feel good neurons, or whatever they are, firing again.

 

It sounds a bit 'out there' but who knows, it could lead to a good outcome! The 'write it down, make it happen' theory.

 

It's got to be better than telling myself I am stuck like this forever. Cos like, that doesn't make me feel too good!

 

It's just an idea and something that maybe others might like to try. Maybe I will make it a regular practice as I recover, when my negative withdrawal brain will let me!

 

I love it!

[mogfish]

Hi Winning! 

Just wanted to say Hi and give you some encouragement. I noted that you were wanting to hear of more success stories so i just wanted to let you know that I am 2 and 1/2 months Pristiq free after tapering over about 15 months. I haven't posted in success stories as yet as I don't want to tempt fate and as Rhi has mentioned people can do well and then hit the three to six month mark and then the wheels fall off.

I'm going to " back myself" though and I am quietly confident that I have got this drug beat and when and if i have a crappy day I'm going to be accepting of it as part of the process rather than panicking that the "depression" is back. Actually I had a crappy day yesterday but today was a new day and much better than the one before. ( It's Monday Night here in Australia)

 

I must also add that you have a great attitude and that will be a great asset or "tool" to help you through this process…..but at the same time its ok to have a crappy day and wallow in it for a little while, just don't set up camp and live there!! lol 

Back yourself Winning, even your name shows that you have the right attitude to do this. You've got this!!! 

[WinningThrough]

Wow, what a lovely post Mogfish! Thank you so much for your kind words, support and encouragement. Means a lot.

 

So pleased to hear that you are doing well! Keep going .. You're getting there. This site's gonna fill up with success stories! Mine's gonna be up there too!

[WinningThrough]

Isn't it difficult not to be able to heal to others' timetables? I know people want us well and don't want us to suffer but people don't seem to understand that it's not an overnight thing. I love my dad to bits. He's recently moved to Scotland, which is miles from where I live, and he had a heart attack before Christmas. He's having a hip replacement next week. The old me would have been straight by his side when he had a heart attack, would have gone straight up to stay with him in Scotland, would have been by his side when he had his hip replacement. It's awful that I can't do these things. It looks like I don't care and this couldn't be further from the truth.

 

I've explained my condition to dad and said that there's no way of knowing how long this will take. It could be two months, it could be six months, it could be two years. I said I wish I could be there but just am not well enough. Each time we speak I say this and he then says if I go in July, the train fair is really cheap & tells me the dates he has other visitors so I know which dates are free. He tells me about all the lovely things to do and see up there when I visit. It's as if he hasn't heard me. I've explained that I'm mostly in bed and if I get the odd day I can manage better, I may manage a short walk locally. He knows this but doesn't hear me. Maybe he just can't bear that I can't get up there and just wants me there. I don't think he realises how sick I am.

 

This will sound awful but I will just go for it. Dads 80. He's had a heart attack, moved and is now having his hip done. I'm worried. He is amazing and has so much energy. I hope he will be around for years and I hope I can be well in his last years. But what if something happens to him when I'm in acute withdrawal? I would have been robbed of all that time with him. The worst thing is that if something happened to him, there is no way I could get to Scotland. I think of his funeral and it devastates me. If I were to lose dad before recovering, I wouldn't be able to go to his funeral. Imagine that? I just wouldn't be able to do it. Scotland is so far. I'm not even functioning. The only way I could do it would be to take massive amounts of benzos and that would just set me back years. I really hate the drug companies and the lies they tell. Hopefully, I can heal fast enough to get quality time with my dad. I hope so. I really hope so. If I'm robbed of that ...

 

I told a friend the other day of all the things I'm doing to heal..visualisation, writing a success story, reiki, affirmations, meditation, etc etc and she said that sounded like too much work for my healing brain and what I needed was to rest it. She said what I needed was to get out of my house. She said my house had become my prison. She thinks if I go outside, I will get better quickly. It just doesn't work like that. Another friend, before I was doing all the healing stuff, said she thought I had given up and couldn't be bothered. She said I needed to think myself well, etc. so I really can't win. Everyone says something different. I get so much unsolicited advice! People just want me well. I guess. I'm trying so hard but I can't just suddenly get out of bed and be miraculously cured.

 

This is a silly and vain think but my looks are shot to bits. I look at photos of me last year then see myself now. I now have a big withdrawal moon face, puffy swollen eyes, lines around my mouth that weren't there before, my hair is falling out like crazy and is all strawy, my skin has gone crazy..on my face it's red and patchy and peeling. My eyelids are red and peeling. It's like psoriasis or something. I look hideous. This is vain and to be honest, if I got my brain back, my looks would be nothing in comparison but it's just another thing that we are robbed off by these awful drugs. When I recover, I imagine I will look 30 years older and will have to wear a wig.

[mogfish]

Hi Winning!

Hope you are ok today?

remember that everyone is going to have an opinion as to the best way for YOU to look after YOURSELF. Some advice can be helpful and sometimes not but it is usually always given with good intentions.

It is very hard for people to understand what you are going through at the moment unless they have been through it themselves. Only a very few people knew what I was going through when I was tapering and I still don't know if this was a good thing or not but having this forum to come to which is full of people who have experienced the same thing was a comfort.

 

You have probably heard this before Winning but Listen to your body! Your body will let you know what it needs and how much it can take. Don't be too concerned about the changes in your looks. This will just be temporary and I too went through the "hideous peeling face stage" and it went away. Actually now don't lose heart but I am having a mild episode of it now with an itchy scalp thrown in and a few pimples on my face and shoulders which is not the norm for me. I am almost 3 months pristiq free and I imagine my body is going through a readjustment phase which is why I am noticing mild symptoms again of what I experienced when actively tapering. I was on antidepressants for the most part of 15 years so I expect that my body will need to readjust to not having any meds now and so I am just accepting that this is part of the process and it too will pass. Take heart thoughts I have also had periods where my skin and eyes were beautifully clear and i imagine this was my body thanking me for what I am doing for it

 

A few months ago I went through a stage of negative thoughts or "stinking thinking" as it was suggested to me. lol. I wonder if this is where you are at too. It too passed for me but I spent many a day and night crying over what could have been, what might be and doubting myself and what I was doing and whether or not tapering was the right thing to do. Does this sound familiar at all? 

How is your Dad? Has he had his hip replacement? I know its this week sometime.

Be kind to yourself Winning. Stress is Kryptonite when you are going through withdrawal and I imagine your Dads surgery will be stressful for you so you may have a period of "waves" or you might not but if you do, be reassured that they WILL pass. How long will it take?? Who knows but they WILL pass.

[WinningThrough]

Hi Winning!

Hope you are ok today?

remember that everyone is going to have an opinion as to the best way for YOU to look after YOURSELF. Some advice can be helpful and sometimes not but it is usually always given with good intentions.

It is very hard for people to understand what you are going through at the moment unless they have been through it themselves. Only a very few people knew what I was going through when I was tapering and I still don't know if this was a good thing or not but having this forum to come to which is full of people who have experienced the same thing was a comfort.

 

You have probably heard this before Winning but Listen to your body! Your body will let you know what it needs and how much it can take. Don't be too concerned about the changes in your looks. This will just be temporary and I too went through the "hideous peeling face stage" and it went away. Actually now don't lose heart but I am having a mild episode of it now with an itchy scalp thrown in and a few pimples on my face and shoulders which is not the norm for me. I am almost 3 months pristiq free and I imagine my body is going through a readjustment phase which is why I am noticing mild symptoms again of what I experienced when actively tapering. I was on antidepressants for the most part of 15 years so I expect that my body will need to readjust to not having any meds now and so I am just accepting that this is part of the process and it too will pass. Take heart thoughts I have also had periods where my skin and eyes were beautifully clear and i imagine this was my body thanking me for what I am doing for it

 

A few months ago I went through a stage of negative thoughts or "stinking thinking" as it was suggested to me. lol. I wonder if this is where you are at too. It too passed for me but I spent many a day and night crying over what could have been, what might be and doubting myself and what I was doing and whether or not tapering was the right thing to do. Does this sound familiar at all? 

How is your Dad? Has he had his hip replacement? I know its this week sometime.

Be kind to yourself Winning. Stress is Kryptonite when you are going through withdrawal and I imagine your Dads surgery will be stressful for you so you may have a period of "waves" or you might not but if you do, be reassured that they WILL pass. How long will it take?? Who knows but they WILL pass.

Thank you Mogfish!

 

So sorry for my recent negativity. It just all got too much. The constant akathisia drives me insane but I know I have to co exist with it until it realises it needs to move out. Maybe it will start going for evenings out or taking weekends away.

 

It frustrates me so much not to be there for people. I used to always be there. But I can be there in spirit or on the phone. I can still do that.

 

I was working really hard to be positive but crashed into negativity. It's going to happen on this journey. It's inevitable.

 

My dad had his op and is doing fine. I'm going to keep visualising going to Scotland and staying with him. If I keep doing that continually, it has to happen.

 

My brain is doing the best it can. I can't rush it. It's a bit like asking someone to do a round the world trip in a day.

[mogfish]

No need to apologise for being negative Winning!  You said it yourself that it is inevitable on this journey. We have all had our negative times. They are a part of life even when we aren't going through withdrawal. Be kind to yourself!!

I love your sense of humour and your attitude. I too hope your akathisia starts going out for the evening or even a weekend away!! lol

I'm glad your Dad is ok

[Muddles]

You have every right to be negative. But whenever I speak to you there is always some positivity and hope even if you don't realise it. To be where you are and be able to encourage me day in day out....I don't know what I would do without you. You are an inspiration - a true hero having to fight this horrid battle through no fault of your own. If anyone can do it - you can, and I just know you will.

[WinningThrough]

You have every right to be negative. But whenever I speak to you there is always some positivity and hope even if you don't realise it. To be where you are and be able to encourage me day in day out....I don't know what I would do without you. You are an inspiration - a true hero having to fight this horrid battle through no fault of your own. If anyone can do it - you can, and I just know you will.

Aw thanks muddles! That means a lot to me. The same goes for you .. You are amazing the way you keep going. You will get there. One really good thing out of all this has been getting to know you and it's great that we can speak because of this website.

 

Also, thanks to everyone else here for your kindness and support. Thank goodness we all have this.

[WinningThrough]

Hello. I have a question about lorazepam. I haven't had one for about 2.5 months now. It was my lifeline as it worked wonders on my akathisia and suicidal ideation. I was taking it here and there, once a week, once a fortnight. Two or three times I took it two days in a row. The last time I took it, it worked less well. I took 1mg and immediately crashed out to sleep. I woke and it had sort of worked a bit but not as well. From what I remember, I took an extra 0.5mg. It helped, just not as much as in the past.

 

Right now, I am absolutely desperate for some relief as I don't ever get any. I just wondered, would it be ok to take one lorazepam tablet? I was thinking of having one at the weekend as I deserve a holiday from all this. I've no idea if it would go paradoxical on me, if it would work, what would happen. I'm not planning on going on it, just taking one once in a while (maybe once a month?) if I get absolutely desperate. Which right now, I am.

 

Thanks in advance.