AliG Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Brilliant !! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Thank you both cxxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Some sort of spiritual awakening happening again..this is very strange..the absolute darkest day followed by this..I wonder if this withdrawal has triggered something 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Tilly Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Maybe your feelings are returning? They can come in very suddenly like an awakening that can be both liberating and frightening. Feeling is good regardless of whether positive or negative emotions are experienced. I am so glad that your feelings seem to be positive right now Enjoy them! xxx 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Congratulations L&L! I hope your window stays open and gives you plenty of beautiful, bright sunlight. Enjoy your night out tonight, you deserve it. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Headache constant, sore everywhere but..no mental symptoms today..2nd day of window. I feel 'back to life' and planning what I want to do with my life when I better, where I want to see, what I want to study..when you don't have anhedonia and all the other rubbish there is so much! Thank you, Ada and Tilly..x 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus dalsaan Posted August 28, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 28, 2015 Hi L&L Glad to hear things have let up somewhat for you and it's great to hear you planning the things you want to do in the future. Can in also recommend that you think about all the little things you can do to take care of your body and mind. Would a massage help your headache, do you need to do some gentle exercise, is there one enjoyable thing you'd really like to spend time doing today. I think windows and waves have their own timeframe about when they come but in also think we can do 100 little things to open the window wider, possibly keep it open longer, shorten the time between windows .... Focussing on identifying all the little things that help your well being is more productive than looking for the one big thing. Desperation, which I understand (!) encourages us to look for the big fix and overlook the little stuff. Now sounds like a good time to bring the little stuff into focus. D x Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist. Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014. Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September. Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015. Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15). Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past. DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017 >My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Thank you, Dalsaan. X Taking care of myself is very difficult with the confusion, desperation (feeling that I can't focus on this moment as everything seems to be going at a hundred miles an hour) but what else can be done but to keep trying. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Urgh horrible depression I always wonder if this depressed desperate person is this real me..have struggled so long so many years..it maybe is..as I have been in/out of withdrawal for many years I've come to see this depressed desperate person as the real me..I just hope it's just withdrawal and it will pass..I seem to have exhausted all other options for treating it and going back on more drugs..no way! 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 This depression is absolute agony..I don't see many people writing about this..anxiety, dp/dr loads of other stuff but not so much depression..it's defo worse since I did sert-prozac switch. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 29, 2015 Administrator Share Posted August 29, 2015 I see people writing about the "depression" and "anxiety" all the time. We have lots of topics in Symptoms about this. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Tilly Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Hope these words bring comfort to you as they have brought to me. Love & hugs as always Tilly x Desiderata Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself.Especially, do not feign affection.Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here.And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. © Max Ehrmann 1927 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 Better day today not quite a window..lost and lonely (get the violins out ha!) and frustration at what my life is but being unable to fix it as too unwell currently.. Thank you, Alto..yes I'm aware certainly that anxiety is a symptom, I just don't see many people here mentioning depression so much as a symptom - not that I'd wish it on anyone! Hope you are all alright Beautiful post Tilly, thank you x 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
direstraits Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I've had a lot of depression...it's the worst. glad you had a better day...XO went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted August 31, 2015 Moderator Share Posted August 31, 2015 I saw a beautiful sunlit foggy scene on my drive to work this morning. So tell me something good that happened to you today. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Tilly Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Better day today not quite a window..lost and lonely (get the violins out ha!) and frustration at what my life is but being unable to fix it as too unwell currently.. Thank you, Alto..yes I'm aware certainly that anxiety is a symptom, I just don't see many people here mentioning depression so much as a symptom - not that I'd wish it on anyone! Hope you are all alright Beautiful post Tilly, thank you x Feeling lost and lonely is really tough (((hugs))) It can also be an important part of this process as are frustrations with life. These realisations cause us to make changes for the better when we are able to. Be kind to yourself. None of this is easy. I believe that we come through the other side, at our own pace, much better and stronger for this experience. Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
raul Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 hello lovelight,hope you are feeling better. hugs xxx history: 2004-2009: paroxetine 20 mg. may 2009 to december 2009: mirtazapine 30 mg january 2010-july 2010: prozac 20 mg september 2010-december 2011: escitalpram 10 mg and march 2012 to december 2012: escitalopram 15 mg march 2013-16 june 2014: venlafaxine 75 mg: cold turkey 6th september 2014 escitalopram 10 mg tapering it in 1 mg /month until june 2015: tapering made in 6 months but have no respected 10% result: w/d symptoms 20 july 2015 reinstated 5 mg escitalopram and decided when stable to taper only 10%/month. I also take Mg, fish oil, vit C, E and multivitaminic with minerals,. Increase to 6 mg escitalopram on 14th august. Increase to 7 mg on 23th august, with 1 mg klonopin to help sleep. Updose to 10 mg on 28th august ( because of horrible depression and suicidal), and pray i made a good choice. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Thank you all xx. Brassmonkey sounds lovely.. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
AliG Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 It's good to hear that you were feeling a little better a few days ago, at least. That's a good sign & I like Dalsaan's advice about the 100 little things to open the window wider. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Thanks Ali.. Went for a walk today..haven't been on a walk for a week..everything very hard still glad I went. Beautiful little ducklings! Looking at music for healing and diet. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted September 2, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 2, 2015 Yea ducklings!!!! I had a couple of bunnies outside the window during breakfast. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Tilly Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 My trusty Swans and their 5 cygnets visited the boat this evening They never fail to stop by when I'm in need of some cheer. Nature is wonderful! x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Sooo anxious.. Dunno if from prozac or the sert withdrawal..I was like this 2 yrs ago..racing thoughts, severely anxious when doc c/t off sert. So now, I have effectively just c/ted of 25mg sertraline..the prozac is doing nothing..still no absolute terror though and intense suicidality as I had when trying to taper sert. How horrible when the better of the symptoms is severe anxiety every moment.. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
AliG Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Love, I give up. I don't even know what you're doing ??? Trying to keep up !! Every day it's different. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Oh I haven't changed anything..still on 10mg of prozac 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
AliG Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Sorry love. My fault . Take no notice. Hard times. !! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Dunno bout anyone else but I feel guilty at no being able to function..feel like I've put family through so much not being well on or off the ads for yrs and yrs so not being able to get out of bed or function feel so guilty..again and again I hear what I've heard for yrs (in my own head now) that 'I just need to pull myself together' or I just need to do something with my life then I won't think so much..have so much racing non sensical thoughts that it's not possible. No matter how many times I try and tell myself that this is not my fault and I shouldnt feel guilty..I do.. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
AliG Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 So sorry, Love. You will get there. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Thank you. Ali xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
crimsonking Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 I feel exactly the same Love, like its my fault that all of this is happening. But its not our fault, we're doing all we can and live the best we can. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted September 6, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 6, 2015 ... I just don't see many people here mentioning depression so much as a symptom - not that I'd wish it on anyone! This seems to be our 'depression' topic: Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation 'Depression' is really an umbrella term for when there is in increase in certain unpleasant emotions, which often cause a change in behavior. Also Shame, guilt, regret and self-critisism and Severe Fatigue sometimes get called depression. Sooo anxious.. Dunno if from prozac or the sert withdrawal..I was like this 2 yrs ago..racing thoughts, severely anxious when doc c/t off sert. So now, I have effectively just c/ted of 25mg sertraline..the prozac is doing nothing..still no absolute terror though and intense suicidality as I had when trying to taper sert. Its sounds like you are still fluctuating between anxiety type symptoms and the depression type. This will probably happen for a while until you stabilize. I've noticed this pattern in my own recovery process, sort of like windows and waves, but no real windows, just changes in the kinds of symptoms. The good thing is that terror and suicidality have stopped. Improvement in symptoms indicates stability is happening. Dunno bout anyone else but I feel guilty at no being able to function.... No matter how many times I try and tell myself that this is not my fault and I shouldnt feel guilty..I do.. The way it looks to me is that there's a self perpetuating cycle being created here. Its not your fault for what has happened to you, for being sick and for not being able to engage in life at the moment like the majority of people, but you are feeling guilty anyway. Perhaps on a subconscious level you still believe it is your fault. When you hear "I just need to pull myself together or I just need to do something with my life then I won't think so much", who's voice is that? Then ask yourself if its the truth? Where did this advice originally come from, what qualifications are behind it and is it really the right advice for you? Has this approach worked for you in the past? I don't know, maybe it has. Perhaps this is something you could work on in counseling. Our minds tend to be full of all kinds of unhelpful ideas and beliefs about life and ourselves, put there by other people until we don't know the difference between what is really right for us and what other people think is right for us. Finding out where some of this stuff came from can be a first step towards being able to make decisions for ourselves based on what is right for us. Also, if you are feeling guilt (or shame), then that's what you are feeling. There's no should or shouldn't, its reality, we feel what we feel and we all have a right to experience whatever feelings are flowing through our body at any moment. Telling ourselves that we are wrong for what we are feeling is adding to the harm. Regardless of whether these are real feelings or neuro-emotions, the way I've learned how to get past these intense sensations is to get out of my head and into my body, to locate the source of the feeling in my body and allow it to be there, breathe into it, give it some space and light and love, and then when its ready, it will dissolve. It may come back, again and again, but each time, it will be a little less intense. How to Release Big and Small Emotions (Release) | beyond ...I've been finding that as I've been going through my own recovery process, lots of old trauma, issues and baggage have been coming up spontaneously (to be seen and released) You are doing well Love, keep going with the no changes routine and things will start to settle down. If you want to use this time to work with what you are going though in an attempt to heal from any underlying issues or past trauma, that's also an option, either with good therapists or very gently by yourself. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
AliG Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Love, You are one of the sweetest . I love you to bits !! I admire your courage & strength, so much ! Keep on, girlfriend. I know I get cranky, at times, when I've had no sleep, but I 'm always wanting you to do so well !! You never give up !! You just keep going ! You are learning so much, and teaching others & that's admirable. Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Hey there!! I know you have had such a rough ride as of late. I'm so sorry. But, you can do this. You have endured so much. You can do this. I'm amazed at what you have gone through. You are a courageous woman and you will come out on the other side of this. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Hi L&L, I hope you find something from what Petunia wrote that can help challenge those limiting beliefs. I've found going into the place where the emotions live to be more useful as well...and meeting them with as much compassion as you can muster. They aren't something to overcome or beat down, but to open to. I'd add it can be helpful, especially at first, to do that only in small bits..so you don't become overwhelmed. I know you posted something about wondering if other people are suffering depression in WD. I don't use the word, because it has so often been used as a weapon against me, mostly by docs, but also by family. And through some investigation, I've learned for myself that there isn't a thing called "depression". It's something I used to do when I lumped anything I was feeling I didn't like into. More often, I'd describe it as sadness, loneliness, feeling lost, frustration, impatience or a number of other things...sometimes kind of rolled up together. But a state of depression doesn't really exist for me...that in itself brings a kind of freedom, and helps to lessen the belief that I'm a depressed person. Lots of people have written about guilt on here. I had waves of believing I was responsible for my wife's cancer, because I was unable to work much for most of the time we were together. I had enormous guilt over all the ways I felt so closed off from the drugs, and from trauma..and how that impacted her and our relationship. I've had to keep challenging those thoughts, because the truth is, we were both doing the best we could..given everything. You too, are doing the best that you can, with everything you've been through. You're so caring and supportive with people on the board...see if you can shine a ray of that care towards yourself...because you are as deserving of that as anyone else. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 Aww thanks guys not sure what I've done to receive this outpouring of love! Free spirit..what I can call depression in withdrawal, I can only call it that..there's no calling it anything else..it's just soul crushing desperate depression..I think it might also be like akathisia as I just want to leave my body it feels like I cannot stand it one more minute. Horrible. But I get what you mean about not using the label..if only I hadn't used that label in the first instance at the docs! Thank you Petu..I'm still worried about being on this prozac..still constant headache, pressure, numbness in head, feels like my brain is swelling or something on top of all the other symptoms..very very confused have never been this confused and out of it ever..can't concentrate on anything, head feels empty but I don't know what choice I have, what to do.. I cannot also seem to shake off the fear of the severe terror that I experienced before and the 'torture' day..I cannot believe such a state can exist..and I cannot seem to shake the fear and memory from it. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
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