MapleleafGirl Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 Blurry vision .. Hung over feeling in my head... Head pressure.. Eye floaters... Sensitivity to light and sound.. Can't watch tv.. Computer.. Can barely type here... Depression.. Burning skin...some anxiety.. Suicidal thoughts all day.. Can't engage with my family at all... It's a nightmare... Michele aka MapleLeafGirl Paxil Free Since June 1st 2014 Was on Paxil for 8.5 years on and off from 2001 Did a 4 year successful taper off 20mgs of Paxil My Successful Tapering Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7812-mapleleafgirl-successfully-tapered-off-paxil/ Tapering Schedule: 3rd attempt at withdrawal going slow..compounded pills05/27/2010 - 03/12/12: Tapered From 20mgs - 6.2 (2nd year into Taper)04/11/2012 - 6.0 - 3.4 - 05/05/2013 (Third year into Taper)06/04/2013 - 3.2 - 1.0 - 05/31/2014 (Fouth and Final Year of Taper) February 9th 2016 month 20 off paxil and four year taper..experiencing a horrible wave bad bad bad May 2016 Made the decision to go back on an SSRI - Currently on Escitalopram 10mgs but planning to taper at some point in the near future Link to comment
ladybug Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I'm so sorry this wave is not letting up for you. When you went to the doctor did they do any blood work to rule out vitamin deficiencies or thyroid abnormalities? You say you have little anxiety but many of your symptoms (blurry vision, eye floaters, head pressure, light/sound sensitivity, burning skin) are also symptoms of anxiety. I know because I have experienced most of them and so researched to make sure. People who have never taken meds can have these symptoms due to their anxiety, but of course as we all know they are also common WD symptoms. Like Amy said, I would hate to see you reinstate because you did a very sensible taper and 1mg is not an unreasonable dose to jump off of either. And suicidal thoughts are just that, thoughts. Thoughts can't hurt you. As long as you don't have any plans you are ok. I remember your story well from PP, but I can't recall the reason you went on Paxil in the first place. Was it for anxiety or something else? a.k.a JMarie Paxil since Mar.1998 2006-2007:40-20mg 2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg 2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg 2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg 1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg 6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg 1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg 7/31/18: 3.9mg Link to comment
AmyK Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I am so sorry this i happening to you. It's a wave, remember this. You wont feel like this forever. What can you do to try to relax? Take a bath? Listen to guided meditation? Try to get by minute by minute. If you need to speak to somebody else, there are crisis lines. http://www.partnersformh.ca/resources/find-help/crisis-centres-across-canada/ Thinking of you. You are not alone. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
MapleleafGirl Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 I doing my best.. Min by min.. Praying that I will be safe... Michele aka MapleLeafGirl Paxil Free Since June 1st 2014 Was on Paxil for 8.5 years on and off from 2001 Did a 4 year successful taper off 20mgs of Paxil My Successful Tapering Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7812-mapleleafgirl-successfully-tapered-off-paxil/ Tapering Schedule: 3rd attempt at withdrawal going slow..compounded pills05/27/2010 - 03/12/12: Tapered From 20mgs - 6.2 (2nd year into Taper)04/11/2012 - 6.0 - 3.4 - 05/05/2013 (Third year into Taper)06/04/2013 - 3.2 - 1.0 - 05/31/2014 (Fouth and Final Year of Taper) February 9th 2016 month 20 off paxil and four year taper..experiencing a horrible wave bad bad bad May 2016 Made the decision to go back on an SSRI - Currently on Escitalopram 10mgs but planning to taper at some point in the near future Link to comment
AmyK Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 What feels like an eternity is just a blip. Stay safe. You will get better. **I hold your hand** Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
MapleleafGirl Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 It's so scary... I keep pacing and praying to stay alive... I want to live.. It's pure torture.... Michele aka MapleLeafGirl Paxil Free Since June 1st 2014 Was on Paxil for 8.5 years on and off from 2001 Did a 4 year successful taper off 20mgs of Paxil My Successful Tapering Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7812-mapleleafgirl-successfully-tapered-off-paxil/ Tapering Schedule: 3rd attempt at withdrawal going slow..compounded pills05/27/2010 - 03/12/12: Tapered From 20mgs - 6.2 (2nd year into Taper)04/11/2012 - 6.0 - 3.4 - 05/05/2013 (Third year into Taper)06/04/2013 - 3.2 - 1.0 - 05/31/2014 (Fouth and Final Year of Taper) February 9th 2016 month 20 off paxil and four year taper..experiencing a horrible wave bad bad bad May 2016 Made the decision to go back on an SSRI - Currently on Escitalopram 10mgs but planning to taper at some point in the near future Link to comment
AmyK Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I understand it's scary. Remember minute by minute. Do you know "calm breathing", how breath can calm you? Can you try this, do you think? It can be very helpful. https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/CalmBreathing.pdf And: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7619-for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal/ Stay safe. If it becomes unbearable please seek face to face help. Thinking of you. This will pass. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
MapleleafGirl Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 Does it ever go away?? I cannot imagine these thoughts for months and months.. I am barely getting through each day... I am afraid I will have to be hospitalized Michele aka MapleLeafGirl Paxil Free Since June 1st 2014 Was on Paxil for 8.5 years on and off from 2001 Did a 4 year successful taper off 20mgs of Paxil My Successful Tapering Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7812-mapleleafgirl-successfully-tapered-off-paxil/ Tapering Schedule: 3rd attempt at withdrawal going slow..compounded pills05/27/2010 - 03/12/12: Tapered From 20mgs - 6.2 (2nd year into Taper)04/11/2012 - 6.0 - 3.4 - 05/05/2013 (Third year into Taper)06/04/2013 - 3.2 - 1.0 - 05/31/2014 (Fouth and Final Year of Taper) February 9th 2016 month 20 off paxil and four year taper..experiencing a horrible wave bad bad bad May 2016 Made the decision to go back on an SSRI - Currently on Escitalopram 10mgs but planning to taper at some point in the near future Link to comment
AmyK Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 This is a wave, and it will pass. You have to hold on to that thought. Dont think so far away. Every minute, then every hour, then every day is enough. You will come out of this. Your first task now is to try to calm your body. It can help so much in your recovery. There is: calm breathing, guided meditations (body scan) lying om the bed. What else? Take care. Hang in there. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
MapleleafGirl Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 I pray I will just getting through each day is a total struggle... And the si is killing me because I want to live.. Michele aka MapleLeafGirl Paxil Free Since June 1st 2014 Was on Paxil for 8.5 years on and off from 2001 Did a 4 year successful taper off 20mgs of Paxil My Successful Tapering Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7812-mapleleafgirl-successfully-tapered-off-paxil/ Tapering Schedule: 3rd attempt at withdrawal going slow..compounded pills05/27/2010 - 03/12/12: Tapered From 20mgs - 6.2 (2nd year into Taper)04/11/2012 - 6.0 - 3.4 - 05/05/2013 (Third year into Taper)06/04/2013 - 3.2 - 1.0 - 05/31/2014 (Fouth and Final Year of Taper) February 9th 2016 month 20 off paxil and four year taper..experiencing a horrible wave bad bad bad May 2016 Made the decision to go back on an SSRI - Currently on Escitalopram 10mgs but planning to taper at some point in the near future Link to comment
coldturkmama Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 You will live. A thought can't take you. You are bigger than it and you can overcome it. Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout October 2013 quit cold turkey Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window Late November WD nightmare Windows and waves pattern Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. Link to comment
fizzkind Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I had a really similar experience to you and have followed your progress keenly as I hoped you would finally be free of the WD's. You had a really long symptom free period when you were pregnant , did you not? The most I have done is 16 months free and then bam I was where you are now. My husband always thought I got worse when I went back on the Paxil (kindling). One thing I wish I had done all those years ago is to use an anti anxiety pill like Ativan just to break up the cycle a bit and wait it out. The trouble is you are absolutely convinced that it is doom day and it will never get better. Remember the depression is a reaction to the anxiety and the anxiety WILL GO just a suddenly as it came on. Maybe talk to the doctor about a benzo to calm you down and give your mind a break for a few days. Don't think your husband is unsupportive he is just desperate for you to be better and all he can see is the doctor saying take these AD's, he is just grabbing onto hope and probably really scared that his lovely funny wife is hurting so much. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, it will end as fast as it came on, keep telling yourself that. Leave notes around the house to remind yourself. If you take three days of Ativan the worry will lessen and then you will be able to eat and then a few of the things that convincing you that you will never get better , will, be better. The SI is unfortunately connected and by far the worst symptom, why on earth would someone you enjoys life, love her kids feel like that? It is the Paxil WD. It is not you, don't fight it, it makes it worse, just accept that it is a really sh*tty symptom and one day it will pass. I wish you well and I know that you will get through this, don't fight it, just accept it. Big hugs ! Fiona x Link to comment
LexFree Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Hello Michele, I can't believe you are having such bad waves after being off for such a long time. You were so careful and precise with your tapering, I was very impressed. I pray that the waves you are now having will not last long and you will be back to being symptom free real soon. Please be very careful should you decide to take an anti-anxiety medication like Ativan. I was on Lorazepam, generic Ativan, .5 mg to 1.5 mg, mostly .5 mg on as-needed-bases until the AD got up to a therapeutic level. Took it for about three months, my body got dependent on it. It was a horrific withdrawal during inter-dose and after stopping the medication. I just wanted to share this so you are aware of what a benzo can do to a body. Everybody is different, do your research should you consider a benzo. I wish you many healing hugs. Link to comment
AmyK Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Mapleleafgirl, I hope you find some relief. Have you read Bellisimos succes story? She was going thru a horrible time after quitting meds and is totally healed today. It's a story of hope. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/11241-bellisimo-my-whole-story-from-hell-to-heaven-there-is-hope-warning-long/ Stay strong. You will come out of this.** Many hugs.** Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
RockSie Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Maple I promise you: EVERTYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY!!! Please read this: http://www.madinamerica.com/2013/10/setbacks/ Link to comment
MapleleafGirl Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 I have had SI going on almost a month now no windows either for a month it's horrendous .. How I am going to get through this I have no idea... Michele aka MapleLeafGirl Paxil Free Since June 1st 2014 Was on Paxil for 8.5 years on and off from 2001 Did a 4 year successful taper off 20mgs of Paxil My Successful Tapering Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7812-mapleleafgirl-successfully-tapered-off-paxil/ Tapering Schedule: 3rd attempt at withdrawal going slow..compounded pills05/27/2010 - 03/12/12: Tapered From 20mgs - 6.2 (2nd year into Taper)04/11/2012 - 6.0 - 3.4 - 05/05/2013 (Third year into Taper)06/04/2013 - 3.2 - 1.0 - 05/31/2014 (Fouth and Final Year of Taper) February 9th 2016 month 20 off paxil and four year taper..experiencing a horrible wave bad bad bad May 2016 Made the decision to go back on an SSRI - Currently on Escitalopram 10mgs but planning to taper at some point in the near future Link to comment
coldturkmama Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Look how far you've come! A month is a big deal. You might only have a small bit of thus wave left. You are doing awesome. Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout October 2013 quit cold turkey Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window Late November WD nightmare Windows and waves pattern Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. Link to comment
RockSie Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 I know every single symptom that you describe. My main symptom are SI since 21 months now. I promise you that it will get better. I know you feel panicky after 20 months without symptoms but setbacks are very, very common. If your husband carry on like this please take your stuff an visit your father. You REALLY need support and encouragement! Everything will be ok. You have to be patient <3 Link to comment
nz11 Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Maple I promise you: EVERTYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY!!! Please read this: http://www.madinamerica.com/2013/10/setbacks/ Wow that guy is an awesome writer... i started reading it and i was right there with him the whole way, he describes it so well...exactly how it is.. here is an excerpt ................... Amidst this near-paralysis, when I needed to access a thought — say, “I need to take out the garbage” — and convert it into action, a sluggish disconnect stalled the message’s transfer between brain and body. I would have to actively conjure instructions for myself, as if using the manual to put together an Ikea dresser: “OK, I’m going to reach down to this little pail, bring into the kitchen, turn it upside-down over the big trash can, and then take the liner out of the bin and carry it out to the alley.” Step-by-step, I would accomplish each task, slowly, unsurely, my body stiff and sweaty. Instead of enchaining these actions as one continuous flow, I moved like a robot, staccato, pondering every movement then taking seconds to actualize what once used to occur unconsciously in a fraction of that time. Completely conscious, at every turn, of my existence. But never in a reassuring, mindful way, as with the grounding of your body to the earth through your feet while meditating, or stopping to savor the sweetness of an apple. More like, the awareness of each in-breath a man has while being waterboarded. There is no peace. That is the heart of the matter: there will be no peace until you pass a certain threshold with your healing. Now, I did get better from all this—almost entirely, and enough so that I didn’t have to think about it anymore. It was mostly not on my radar. The dread, the existential panic, the body dipped in cement disappeared. I have enjoyed, for many years, the luxury of taking my existence for granted because it has not been a torment to me. But there have been setbacks, bad decisions or unforeseen stressors or just the randomness of neuronal healing that have plunged me back into the aforementioned state. Which, as you might gather, sucks. If you’re like me, when you have a setback, your first thought is probably going to be, “What if this time it’s permanent?” And: “I don’t know if I have the strength to deal with this again.” And: “F#$% this…” ....................... . How I am going to get through this I have no idea You just say to yourself i got through this before and i'll get through this again. Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing. http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651 Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos. Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you Recovering paxil addict None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped." Dr Mosher. Me too! Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015 I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015 Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017 Link to comment
RockSie Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 nz11 this text is written from my soul. From our souls... Link to comment
Alexander Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Hello Maple leaf girl. Just echoing what others say, to just hang in there. I'm experiencing a prolonged wave too, with bad sleep, struggling through each day and wondering if this is what life is going to be like now. It's very frightening and draining physically and mental. Like nz11 says, you feel there is no peace. Take heart from what people say on this site and believe you will get through. Prescribed 20mg a day of Seroxat on 2001 August 2013 decided to taper. Reduced by 10mg a week (adjusted over the week small amounts) Stopped completely in April 2014 Brain and body went haywire. Didn't realise it was withdrawal at first. Have not returned to ad's but can't get my life back. Link to comment
Purplestars22 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Hello Mapleleafgirl, you will get through this setback. Try to change your mindset and believe in the healing journey( I know easier said than done but try). I know how terrifying this process can be almost in humane. Focus one moment at a time live in the present and don't focus on the past or future. We are in this together. Best wishes, ps22 Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety Failed attempt to stop reinstated 1 year taper skipping doses Celexa free 12/2013 1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only Link to comment
RockSie Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Hi mapleleafgirl, how are you doing? Link to comment
Junglechicken Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 MLG - I had SI for 2 months throughout my last wave, and although it was horrendous, it passed. REMEMBER dont let the PAIN BODY possess you - it doesn't deserve the attention you are giving it. Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD). Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal. Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy. Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum. "Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals. Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions). Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking. Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO. April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol. 25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L). Symptoms: Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing). **Histhamine intolerance (suspected). Major Life Events: Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016 My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs) Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018 "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018 Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD Diagnosed with: March 2022 Interstitial Cystitis (IC)/Painful bladder syndrome Link to comment
nz11 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 ok the suspense is killing me thought id go on a fishing expedition so took a break from my school,to drop you a line, i do feel like a fish out of water here but wanted to ask ...any update. Haven't heard from you since before you went to see that big cold fish with the power to prescribe...and i haven't felt this scared since the time Nemo. went missing. Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing. http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651 Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos. Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you Recovering paxil addict None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped." Dr Mosher. Me too! Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015 I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015 Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017 Link to comment
coldturkmama Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Yes please update us... Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout October 2013 quit cold turkey Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window Late November WD nightmare Windows and waves pattern Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. Link to comment
nz11 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Yes please update us... Seconded.. nz11 Your fellow pp-er and fishy friend. Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing. http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651 Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos. Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you Recovering paxil addict None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped." Dr Mosher. Me too! Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015 I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015 Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017 Link to comment
coldturkmama Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I'm getting worried... Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout October 2013 quit cold turkey Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window Late November WD nightmare Windows and waves pattern Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. Link to comment
Ali4 Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 Mapleleaf, How are you doing?? I do hope much better, hope to hear from you soon. Ali 10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms. Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding. Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head. Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ???????????????????????????????? Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again. Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key. Link to comment
LexFree Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 I sent her a PM last week and have not yet heard back. I hope she is doing okay. MapleleafGirl, if you are reading this and you are able to respond, please let us know how you are doing. I am thinking of you. Blessings, LexFree Link to comment
coldturkmama Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 Me as well. No response. Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout October 2013 quit cold turkey Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window Late November WD nightmare Windows and waves pattern Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. Link to comment
direstraits Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 I saw her on here earlier today but she didn't post... went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
btdt Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 You are about 20 months off. I know you tapered and I went cold turkey and I also know that a lot of people do not believe there is a bad point for some of us at around 18 months off. There was for me after increased healing I took a complete nose dive. It took some time to leave and during that time I don't think I had any place to post as I was banned from pp shorty after reaching this stage. I went shopping at the library for any sort of healing book ... I was not fussy and tried everything. I had nobody to talk to about any of this and did not involve family except in outburst that I am sure scared the crap out of them but then I went away to my room or to the beach. I tried everything as I did not know what else to do. I stuck to my staples epsom salt baths... sound of the ocean on head phones hid in my room as that is my safe place... cancelled things so what... did not answer the phone or the door... took walks when I felt I could In one way I did not have a lot of people looking in on me and that may have been a good thing as I could not have explained to them what was going on in me if I had to as words would not come. I have some incoherent journalling from that time hit and miss too some ok some nonsense all of it short one or two lines. At times like this I would ask you to think of your staples what got you this far? Bit by bit this will pass I think as it did for me. All the things that you talk about as symptoms I had earlier and I honestly can't recall if I was having them again in the 18 month hole I had already been thru the hypersensitivity to sound and light and movement and smells in extreme ways that I had to stay in my room but at 18 months they were less intense likely still there hit and miss as they are now. What I thought about a lot was is it going to end and what I felt a lot was bleak as if it wasn't going to end... but it did. It ended. I call it the state of stark negativity.... I pulled all the tricks I could and I learned some others... I tried any interesting healing things the library had to offer. Tons of things many different modes of healing light and energy meditations many Eastern ideas the power of now came to me around then and it helped I hung on to any single thing that helps in that books I learned a lesson on how to stop my brain from running off by itself. That skill helped me to settle myself down some as my brain was scaring the **** out of me a lot of the time. There were times I will just give it to you now so you don't have to look in case it is of use to you.. . Watch for the next thought... really watch put all your energy and thought power to watching... focus... wait... When the thought comes start over... That is it... sounds easy and it is but it takes practice. The beauty of it is when I needed it again at a much later time it clicked right back in with none of the first time having to learn strain it was just there and worked like magic. At times hope can be in short supply I know this and I had given up on every being anything but bleak right about then it shifted. We never know what is around the corner and we can't say when it will come but everything ends...good bad it ends... time is on your side if you decide you own it... if nothing else you do own this time... to do with what you want...what you will yes even in the shape your in you have some things to choose. I also did EFT... emotional freedom therapy from google the ... eft depresssion utube will get you my guy in the red tshirt Distraction... anything that you can focus on colouring I did some of that... doodled when I was mindless it kept my hands busy... yes sometimes I just laid in bed... and I gave myself permission to do what I needed to do as I couldn't do anything else. ...I prayed a lot sometimes constantly...even when I was bleak I prayed not to be bleak. It maybe that you need to tell your family that tho this is hard this is your choice to end this wd once and for all... and even if they take you to the hosp the docs there cannot force you to take drugs...Not in Canada! I wish you peace and strength... WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Junglechicken Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 I have seen her on here too.....hasn't posted. Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD). Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal. Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy. Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum. "Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals. Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions). Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking. Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO. April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol. 25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L). Symptoms: Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing). **Histhamine intolerance (suspected). Major Life Events: Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016 My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs) Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018 "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018 Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD Diagnosed with: March 2022 Interstitial Cystitis (IC)/Painful bladder syndrome Link to comment
AliG Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 MapleleafGirl. People here are starting to worry. Please let us know that you are OK . You have many friends here that care about you , and are worried by your silence. I understand that it's hard right now , but just a post would help . Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
MapleleafGirl Posted May 14, 2016 Author Share Posted May 14, 2016 Bad place... Nothing to report.. Don't want to cause any drama with what's going on Michele aka MapleLeafGirl Paxil Free Since June 1st 2014 Was on Paxil for 8.5 years on and off from 2001 Did a 4 year successful taper off 20mgs of Paxil My Successful Tapering Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7812-mapleleafgirl-successfully-tapered-off-paxil/ Tapering Schedule: 3rd attempt at withdrawal going slow..compounded pills05/27/2010 - 03/12/12: Tapered From 20mgs - 6.2 (2nd year into Taper)04/11/2012 - 6.0 - 3.4 - 05/05/2013 (Third year into Taper)06/04/2013 - 3.2 - 1.0 - 05/31/2014 (Fouth and Final Year of Taper) February 9th 2016 month 20 off paxil and four year taper..experiencing a horrible wave bad bad bad May 2016 Made the decision to go back on an SSRI - Currently on Escitalopram 10mgs but planning to taper at some point in the near future Link to comment
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