johnjohn82: Lamictal Withdrawal - Kindled- Really need some help

February 26

Hi, I'm from Brazil and I'm 42.

I'm on some kind of med since I was 17, usually antidepressants, until 2017 when I started taking mood stabilizers.

Until 2022 I was Lithium(450 mg or 300 mg), Lamictal(50 or 100 mg) and Zoloft(25 or 50 Mg.) This combination of low dose of the mood stabilizers and a low dose ssri helped me . I wasn't the most productive person but I started to enjoy life for the first time in decades.

I had noticed during the years that zoloft and lamictal interacted on a bad way depending on the dose. in the end of 2022 I increased lamictal to 100mg and it interacted badly with 50 mg zoloft. It activated me too much, and caused anxiety. My doctor wanted to increase zoloft and I thought that this wasn't the way, it would go really bad.

I switched to a different doctor wanting to quit antidepressants and stay on only mood stabilizers. He said that this was the way, and I quit zoloft and increased both lithium and lamictal. We went to 1200mg of lithium and 200 mg of lamictal.

No problems with the lithium but lamictal started to bring me lots of problems. I asked to reduce to 175 mg first due to side effects and wanted to decrease much further as it was making me miserable. After 4 weeks on this dose , I spent 2 days taking only 100mg, because I wanted to sleep well for a change, I wouldn't just reduce like that, even though it was my doctor suggestion, so I took 175mg again. I couldn't tolerate the dose anymore, I had a lot of anxiety and aggitation . I then was forced to reduce to 150, 125 and finally 100mg. On that dose I was fine. Until 6 days later and I started to shake and tramble, feel dizzy and anxious. In 5 weeks it got better, even though I still felt aggitatted.

We tried going back on zoloft and because I was scared, I started with only 12.5mg. HAd a bad reaction, a lot of activation and anxiety. So, after 2 weeks I decided to quit. After stopping zoloft I was back to normal. On this process I started seroquel 50mg.

My doctor suggested we decreased lamictal to 75, and I decreased to 87.5mg . It wasn't free of withdrawal symprtoms even if milder, and I decided to stop any further reduction. I stayed on this dose for 8 weeks.

A important thing to notice is that I was just splitting the 25mg pill without any realiable measure. I felt withdrawal symptoms returning at random on weeks 5 and 6, and I think that could be the reason.

One day I took 100mg instead of 87.5 by mistake. 2 days later I had a very strong reaction to my dose. My head was tingling, face warm, feeling aggressive and depressed, very fast thoughts.It wasn't bearable, I reduced to 25 mg in a week and everything stopped.

I waited for 4 weeks for the withdrawal to come and it never did. I was with a new doc who increased my lithium and seroquel(100mg) and I was feeling better.

December 28th I quit the 25mg lamictal because I was afraid of having another bad reaction. On january 6th I felt like hell. MY skinn was burning, Overwheelming anxiety and depression, Imsomnia. I told my doctor and reinstated at 12.5 mg. THe reinstatement did help to aliviate a bit, but I wasn't tolerating my original dose of seroquel(100 mg that I had been taking for a month). It was putting me in a mixed state, it was terrible. I decreased to 75 mg for a while, untill I could take the full dose again. I still felt mixed episodes on 75mg but without the terror, it wasn't unbereable. I reduced seroquel to 50mg and thing got much more bearable, I could sleep, take walks, etc. I was still petrified and filled with fear.

I started to worry about the dose consistency, bought a scale and it wasn't accurate enough. The improvement I felt on the first weeks went backwards, Had night sweats again, shaking again. And on the last 2 weeks I started having depersonalization, and 10 days ago aggitation. I then could feel aggitation increasing and noticed it's now coming right after I take my dose. I learned to use a scale 5 days ago, and measuring 14.5mg pills. I choose 14.5mg because I would always take the larger half of the pill I used to cut.

I take my dose and feel as if I were maniac , my body gets warm, I feel something going through my body like electricity. I've read yesterday about kindling on this site, it's exactly that.

YEsterday 19:00 I took exacltly half of my dose , for me to start splliting the daily dose in 2. I didn't feel activated but slept worse and Got up shaking and anxious from withdrawal. The symptoms resolved as I took the morning dose.

I would really need some Guidance on what to do from now. splitting the dose is a bad idea? SHould I lower my dose until the reaction dissipate?

Thank you

February 27

@johnjohn82 I have approved your post and merged it to your original introduction thread. Members are only allowed to have one introduction topic. I have also updated the title to reflect your new chosen title.

KenA

Admin

February 27

1 hour ago, KenA said:

@johnjohn82 I have approved your post and merged it to your original introduction thread. Members are only allowed to have one introduction topic. I have also updated the title to reflect your new chosen title.

KenA

Admin

Thank you KenA.

I’m concerned my issue will be buried, the other introduction was made 9 years ago and the issue I was having is no longer relevant.

would it be possible to hide the discussion from 9 years ago?

thanks a lot

February 27

The difference on how I felt on week 2 of reinstatement and now is really noticeable. I’m totally depersonalized.
I started weighting the dose 7 days ago like I should have done from the beginning, and since yesterday I’ve been splitting my dose in 2.

The maniac energy and agitation hasn’t been present on the last days. Last night I awoke with some adrenaline flowing through my shoulders.

I’m extremely depersonalized, I don’t feel I’m here, I don’t feel a conection to the people I love. It feels a bit better before I take my dose. Everything seems more real.

It’s been 2 weeks since things got worse and I started to feel depersonalization, too much energy and on occasions the uncomfortable feeling of electricity through my body( this last symptom hasn’t shown up lately).

Since yesterday I’ve been taking 2 7.25mg doses , one at 1 PM, one at 7 PM. I felt more real today before the 1 PM dose , I could feel some glimpse of optimism.

I’ve read that recovering from being kindled is very hard. I’m very afraid.

I’ve made this so much worse for myself.

February 27

@johnjohn82 I will have a mod check in with you on this topic.

February 27

Thank you!

February 28

Hi @johnjohn82

Can you please update your signature to show exactly what you are currently taking. The signature currently shows the last change as being in March 2023.

It's helpful for those trying to assist to be able to see your history at a glance in your signature.

As to hiding past posts, we like to leave your original posts exactly as they are so we can see what has been suggested to you over time, even if you believe the current issues are unrelated.

Emonda

February 29

On 2/28/2024 at 6:06 AM, Emonda said:

Hi @johnjohn82

Can you please update your signature to show exactly what you are currently taking. The signature currently shows the last change as being in March 2023.

It's helpful for those trying to assist to be able to see your history at a glance in your signature.

As to hiding past posts, we like to leave your original posts exactly as they are so we can see what has been suggested to you over time, even if you believe the current issues are unrelated.

Emonda

I’m having some trouble with the limit of lines, I’m trying to reduce the font size. I’ll figure it out, I’ll try doing it on the laptop later. thank you

February 29

I haven’t been having an obvious reaction from lamictal dose the last days. Last week I could feel a very intense reaction within less than half an hour after I took it .
Yesterday I felt much less depersonalized on my therapy session, I left feeling better. There is still some depersonalization but much less intense.

I’m still ruminating a lot and the night’s meds ( lithium 1200 mg and seroquel 50 mg) seem to be making me anxious. My sleep has been broken for the last 2 nights and I’ve been feeling my stomach upset after eating. Also had some tinnitus after standing up last night.

These symptoms fuels the ruminations and constant worry.

The intensity of the symptoms decreased a lot so far. The intense agitation is almost gone.

March 1

Does it make any difference taking the dispersible pill or the regular one?

The dispersible ones I have are almost gone, I’ve been wasting a lot of pills learning how to cut them. I’ve got the regular ones but I’m concerned as I Use the dispersible one regularly

March 1

Had a setback today.

Yesterday I took my second lamictal dose 2 hours late( I take one 7,25mg pill at noon and one at 7 PM). By doing that I took lamictal at the same time as my other meds ( lithium and seroquel). I do that to be safe .
last night I had more anxiety and today I felt a reaction from my lamictal dose at noon. I had tingling, felt feverish and my evening has been filled with anxiety.

Maybe it was because I took last night too late or I’m doing something wrong measuring the doses. As I decided to split the 14.50 in 2 I making 2 7.25mg pills. That involves doing more rounding up/down and the process being less precise. Each dose ends up being 0.018mg and doesn’t take into account the variation on the individual pill weight. Besides I’m still wasting many pills for getting it wrong.

Is there anyone who can help me with this process?

Thank You

Reading other members signatures I’m impressed by the precision and organization they developed on the taper process.

March 7

I found out yesterday that my digital scale was decalibrated for 3 days. Really frustrating , I was taking a higher dose for 3 days. I felt better for some of these days and I don’t know anymore if it was an improvement ou a result or me updosing.

March 7

I found out yesterday that my digital scale was decalibrated for 3 days. Really frustrating , I was taking a higher dose for 3 days. I felt better for some of these days and I don’t know anymore if it was an improvement ou a result or me updosing.

Edit: I really screwed up this, yesterday I noticed the weights being off and recalibrated the scale. I take 14.5 mg and I could’ve taken up to 16 mg the 3 days before. Yesterday and today I took the doses right already. I can’t even be sure it’s been only 3 days of wrong measurements, yesterday was when I noticed the pills weight was below the usual range.

Each of the 2 doses I take weight 0.018mg , I was probably taking 0.020mg for some days. I’m wondering if I should take 0.019mg and stay at this dose.

March 8

Last night I had night sweats, that’s been a clear sign of lamictal withdrawal on my process. Had also a tingling feeling in my legs and I’ve got brain fog today.
Maybe I should have adjusted my dose to the one I was taking for the last days instead of returning to my usual one.

Since recalibrating the scale I took these dosages:

March 6, Wednesday - Evening dose(7.25 mg)

March 7, Thursday- Noon dose (7.25mg) , evening dose (7.25mg)

March 8, Friday - Noon dose (7.25 mg)

Before that I was taking a larger dose (by 10% to 15%) for 3 to 5 days.

By weight I started taking 0.018mg each dose on February 23, and because of the calibration I could be taking 0.019 to 0.020 mg for 4 to 5 days, I don’t remember the last time I used the calibration weight to check if the scale was accurate.

I’m wondering of I should go through the withdrawal process now ( I’m having a bad reaction to Lamictal , I slept better these 2 last days than I had been last week). The other option would be to increase my dose to match closer what I had been taking, even though I’m concerned about changing doses again.
All I’m seeking now is stability, keep taking the same dose for a while, I didn’t manage to do it for only 2 weeks.

@Emonda Do you have any advise? Thank you

March 15

After misdosing for some days, I returned to my usual dose I felt symptoms of withdrawal and updosed.

Each of my regular 2 doses would be of 7.25mg, pill weight 0.018mg.

I didn’t calibrate my scale and took a higher dose (up to 8 mg) for 5 days. I returned to my dose (7.25 mg) and had withdrawal symptoms. After 3 days I increased my dose to 15 mg(2x7.5 mg)

It’s been six days on this dosage and I’m having doubts if I shouldn’t have just returned to my regular dosage and let it settle.

I feel very disconnected, I’m having peaks of anxiety during the day, feel some parts of my body really hot during some hours, and feeling heavily fatigued on unusual hours.

I’m feeling overwhelmed with all this process.

I’ve bought a second scale and even though I can avoid further errors on this part, There is still some rounding up and down I have to do, and my dosages seldomly will be exactly the same. I’m taking now 15 mg and according to the pill’s total weight I cold be taking from 14.8 to 15.3 mg.

@getofflex Hope it’s ok to tag you, if it is, I would like to know your opinion on this updose I just did. Thank you

March 15

3 hours ago, johnjohn82 said:

I didn’t calibrate my scale and took a higher dose (up to 8 mg) for 5 days. I returned to my dose (7.25 mg) and had withdrawal symptoms. After 3 days I increased my dose to 15 mg(2x7.5 mg)

7.25 mg twice daily - Was this what you were on before this happened? To be honest, I'm having a hard time reading your drug signature. Please make it more concise, and eliminate discussion. Only give dates, drug names, and dosages of each and every dose change, in a list format, eliminating all descriptions and narratives. We need to be able to see your drug history at a glance. This will make it much easier for the staff to read, and to give you the proper advice. Thank you.

3 hours ago, johnjohn82 said:

Each of my regular 2 doses would be of 7.25mg, pill weight 0.018mg.

I didn’t calibrate my scale and took a higher dose (up to 8 mg) for 5 days. I returned to my dose (7.25 mg) and had withdrawal symptoms. After 3 days I increased my dose to 15 mg(2x7.5 mg)

So you increased your dose to 7.5 twice daily after you were on the 8 mg for 5 days?

Your withdrawal symptoms were probably caused by the fact that you accidentally increased your dose for 5 days. The more we change around the dose of our drugs frequently, the more likely we are to further destabilize our nervous systems and make symptoms worse. People think that somehow changing the dose of their drug will fix their withdrawal, but actually the opposite is true - leaving the dose the same, being consistent, and holding for a while, for months, will give your nervous system the chance to adjust, and find stability. But now that you have been on 7.5 mg. 2x for six days, I suggest that you stay at this dose, and do a long hold period, especially considering the multitude of significant drug changes you've done over the past year or two. These things tend to be cumulative, and what you need now more than ever is stability.

Please read these links carefully. Being educated about this is important.

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

Considerations About Stability

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

3 hours ago, johnjohn82 said:

It’s been six days on this dosage and I’m having doubts if I shouldn’t have just returned to my regular dosage and let it settle.

Now that you have been on this dose for six days, if it were me, I would stay on this dose of 7.5 mg 2x. Our nervous systems crave stability and this means not jumping around on the dose of your drugs frequently, because it takes at least weeks for your brain to adjust to each and every dose change. I see you did lots of major drug changes in the past couple of years. I suggest you do a nice long hold period of about 4-6 months. Your nervous system with thank you for it, and you will have an easier time tapering in the future.

March 16

Hi @getofflex, Thanks a lot for chiming in, I really appreciate it!

I had a bad reaction to lamictal while I was on 87.5mg, I got the dose wrong one day and 2 days later I had this very strong reaction right after I took my dose. I reduced it to 25mg and after 3 and a half weeks I quit it. After 10 days I felt the withdrawals hit strongly and I reinstated half the 25mg pill on january 9th.

Things didn't resolve 100% but things were bearable. 4 weeks after reinstatement I started to have reactions everytime I took my dose. I felt a surge of energy as soon as I took it, and by the 6th week the aggitation was intense, as the depersonalization I felt . I came to this site that I had posted on 10 years ago, and read an article about bad reactions and hypersensitivity. What I felt didn't seem to be withdrawal symptoms, I was having a reaction to the drug.

I strongly suspected these reactions are due to inconsistency on the doses I was taking, I bought a scale and read what I could on the forum.

I always took the larger half of the pill, so I established my dose would be 14.5mg. I then divided my daily dose in 2x 7.25 mg doses. The reaction got much less intense, I wasn't doing great but urgency of the situation was managed. That's when I had this issue I tagged you for advise.

I found out out the scale was weighting .3mg lower.( each of my 2 daily doses weight 0.018. ). I was really concerned when I found that out and I was concerned about the adjustment one more time of my dose. I adjusted to the right dose and started having these withdrawal symptoms(night sweats, shaking in the morning), so I updosed to a middle ground , 0,019 mg( pill weight for dose).

After updosing I'm not feeling well, my body is really hot, I'm feeling extremely anxious, and I feel I'm having a strong reaction to the doses.

I do feel I should have stayed on the lower dose and endure the withdrawal symptoms. I'm dreading taking my next dose.

I bought another scale for help and I will also order a gemini from the american amazon.

Right now I'm really at loss.

March 17

Getofflex, I didn’t mention on my post above but what you wrote was a great lesson and in a way, it was comforting to read.

I’ve been on my mind alone trying to make sense of all of this.

Thanks for your words and for your time.

March 17

22 hours ago, johnjohn82 said:

After updosing I'm not feeling well, my body is really hot, I'm feeling extremely anxious, and I feel I'm having a strong reaction to the doses.

I do feel I should have stayed on the lower dose and endure the withdrawal symptoms. I'm dreading taking my next dose.

In that case, go ahead and drop to the lower dose. Take 7.25 mg daily, and see if this helps.

You have made so many dose changes, and inconsistent dosing, that it is hard to know what is causing what. Please make it a high priority to be very consistent in your dosing. You need to be precise in measuring your dose, and not cut a pill in half to where you have a bigger and smaller half. This is not precise enough. Please carefully and diligently read this link that explains how to properly dose you drug. You can make your own liquid. Perhaps this would be easier for you to measure and dose properly.

Tapering Lamictal

I'm not familiar with lamotrigine. I'm going to try and get another staff member who is more familiar with this on your thread.

Edited March 17 by getofflex

March 18

5 hours ago, getofflex said:

You have made so many dose changes, and inconsistent dosing, that it is hard to know what is causing what. Please make it a high priority to be very consistent in your dosing. You need to be precise in measuring your dose, and not cut a pill in half to where you have a bigger and smaller half. This is not precise enough. Please carefully and diligently read this link that explains how to properly dose your drug.

I completely agree with getofflex.

I, too, am not familiar with your medication. Hopefully, someone will be along shortly who can assist.

March 19

@getofflex Thank you, I purchased a new scale and I’ll be as consistent as I can from now on. I’ve been now using a scale for 3 weeks, but it’s not reliable enough.

I’ll wait for some staff member who can help with lamotrigine.

@EmondaI hope someone will, thank you.

March 20

I really think that if you just stay on your current dose of Lamictal as we discussed, and stay very consistent with it, that things will settle down for you. I believe your problems were probably caused by the various factors we've discussed in the past several posts. Please be patient, and work on some non drug coping skills for your symptoms in the meantime. Also, please update your signature with your recent dosage changes and your current dose - thank you.

March 21

Thank you Getofflex, always good to read your words.

I’ve been more hypersensitive, since the misdose and the readjustment. Seroquel is making me anxious and agitated and I started to take it 3 hours later than usual.

My goal is to get consistent with my doses , I will make that my priority.

I readjusted the dosage to 14.5 but there is a limit on how exact I can be using a 3 digits gram scale, as lamictal pills are not all the same weight. I used 2 identical pills the last 2 days and got 14.6mg , but when I’ll use a pill of a different weight I’ll get 14.4 or 14.5. Even that small variation is concerning me now.
I didn’t have a problem using the average method before but I’m more sensitive now. I thought to keep weighting the pills individually and only use the ones that will get me 14.5 +_0.1.
To be more precise than that only switching to liquid or ordering tablets from a compounding pharmacy. I read on the forum these switches shouldn’t be made without a transition phase and it can be destabilizing at first.

Thanks again for your support

March 21

Daily note:

Day 4 of reducing dosage to 14.5 mg

Last night I had a reaction after taking seroquel at night. Warm body and agitation

Woke up really late, at 11:30PM, feeling anxious and depressed.
12 PM , took lamictal first dose, felt depressed and depersonalized right after.

14 PM: took lithium, felt a bit better.
15 PM: took a walk and then took a cab for therapy, felt really distant during the session.

17 PM - very depersonalized , went to see my mother, couldn’t feel present.

19:35: Right now I’m feeling better, feel my mind clearer. Heading home to be with my kids.

So far didn’t feel many physical symptoms.

(Didn’t mean to post the sleepy unicorn but I’ll leave it)

March 22

Today I felt a stronger reaction than usual after taking my lamictal dose at noon. I felt first fatigue and 1 hour later felt my face very hot and a strong anxiety .

it got better 2 hours after my dose right after I took my 300 mg lithium dose.

Since I misdosed for 4 days in a row and then made some changes trying to correct it, my hypersensitivity flared up as did the reactions to lamictal.

I’ve been taking 14.5 for 5 days now, using specifically the pills which the weight allows me to make exact doses of 14.5 and 14.6mg. This is not a viable solution and I don’t even know if it’s a good idea for the short term. I’m very concerned about doing any small changes, which would happen if I returned to the average method now.

I got today the gemini I bought from amazon US, and the difference in quality is really noticeable. I measured my doses today using it along the scale I was already using. I was already using 2 scales before, and I only consider it done after the values match.

March 25

For context, I wrote the timeline of the recent events:

February 20 - started weighting pills, 14.5 mg in 2 daily doses

March 1 to 4 - misdosed to 16 mg due to miscalibration of the scale

March 05 - returned to usual 14.5 mg dose. Felt withdrawal symptoms.

March 09 - updosed to 15 mg - Stronger side effects, skin burning , anxiety

March 18 - 14.5 mg -

The first day of my last decrease I didn’t feel right, felt depressed and started having more reaction to the meds. Sometime I will feel hyper, resembling what I felt before starting to measure my doses.

I understand this is due to excessive changes I’ve made last 2/3 weeks.

The day I decreased I took a pill of a specific weight and the exact dose was 14.6. Due to the bad reaction I didn’t want to change anything anymore.

Since then I’ve been repeating the same dose using pills of the same weight. It’s unpractical and unviable to do things like that, I feel trapped. I’m afraid any variation on dose , even 0,2/0,3 mg will make me worse.
if things got worse when I reduced , wouldn’t it get even worse when I take a lower dose within the range of my dose? Using the average, the doses would have a variation of 0.7 mg.

@getofflex I apologize for tagging you again, I feel so trapped , hearing from you on this would be a relief.
I might be obsessing over this, the anxiety from these doubts are certainly making things much worse.

Thank you

March 26

Getofflex is taking a short break. Best not to tag her until she posts here again.

Consistency and accuracy is vital. If you are struggling with accuracy with the scale you have, perhaps a compounding pharmacy can assist you.

March 26

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

Getofflex is taking a short break. Best not to tag her until she posts here again.

Consistency and accuracy is vital. If you are struggling with accuracy with the scale you have, perhaps a compounding pharmacy can assist you.

Thanks Emonda, I will respect her break and not tag her.

Would you know anyone that could help me ?

I’ve been having strong reactions to my doses, yesterday I took my total dose split in 4 to minimize it. I feel intense anxiety and depression 2 hours after taking a dose. It’s getting hard to bear.

I would really appreciate it, thanks a lot.

March 29

I keep taking only the pills that gets me 14,6 exactly. Last monday I started again taking the pills by average, like everyone does. 2 hours after the doses I was in panic and shaking. After 2 days I retuned to selecting the pills. I can’t go on like that.

Going up in dose again seems very risky.
Before I decreased my dose I was having stronger reaction to lamictal, felt my skin burning and activation anxiety.

After decrease I feel Panic , depersonalization, dark thoughts, brain fog, obsessive thoughts. I felt all this on my first day and got stuck taking pills only of a specific weight.

Doesn’t seem I will be able to return now to the average method but if I could tolerate also the pill that gets a 14,8 mg I wouldn’t need to worry so much about running out of pills, the pill that gets me exactly 14,8 is the most common one. So I would be taking 14,6 or 14,8 mg depending on the day.

I wouldn’t be so in panic I got stuck on the 14,8 mg, it could be managed long term. The pill I take now (weight 65 mg) is not so common, there is just no way to keep going like this.

@Emonda, I know this all sounds crazy, but I got stuck on this situation, picking only specific pills out pf the box and discarding the rest. I’m heavily kindled. Could you help or ask someone who is knowledgeable on kindling to chime in? Even if it’s to say I’m just obsessed , and this is crazy talk. It would really help a lot, I don’t know anywhere else I could find someone.

Thank you

March 29

I also wonder if when in fear I started to select pills I created a bigger problem for myself.

I can’t be discarding all these pills, I don’t know where I go now. Tried to stop selecting pills and it didn’t work.

March 31

Hi @Shep , I’ve read your posts on the hypersensitivity and kindling thread.

i’m not sure if you’re still active but I would appreciate if you could give me your point of view about my issue.

Thank you

April 2

Hi John John. I don't suggest you discard any pills. Why not just grind them into a powder, weigh this, and take the exact same weight of powder each day. You can put the powder into an empty gelatin capsule, which you should be able to buy on amazon. That will give you a consistent dose, and you won't be wasting your pills. If it were me, I would buy a mortar and pestle off amazon for grinding the pills into a power, as well. You can use a sheet of paper folded in the middle to make a funnel for pouring it into the capsule. I would go ahead and make a batch of capsules with this dose at one time.

https://www.amazon.com/Mortar-Sopito-Stainless-Steel-Ergonomic/dp/B07Q22RL3K/ref=sr_1_7?crid=34FDKKDCN3RRN&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.KEqv8drt0RxRxjpEczkZ0w5--ptYhFbfYeYRcWW1ZVg3SyHY6KNXNMoWxIqif6NGlcMlHYK0XRfoLXMUCJWsZxS-Wt4-NC412j8qZ9oFmo46XnJwJk4mAy5NNbc-KVm8KJX4Y8V8OuzxvJn3GnqKV95iiz7PflfYh2wW89owZ1LmW3qMjKXzjnhfNygVC3rttk7EUYTAD68alfp7VexJO9gU6kiPWoeqLAXFtPQSN8DK8jxoljxUjme053MFYXKSx8oexfyusYeCnhH5s7PHr4940I215Frw7QOOXCMHLVE.OfPVS1Gy6OmBWqG8rj_huYP67LIsFanhRsGAsvPRfg0&dib_tag=se&keywords=mortar+and+pestle+for+grinding+tablets+into+powder&qid=1712088879&sprefix=mortar+and+pestle+for+grinding+tablets+into+powder%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-7

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=empty+gelatin+capsuels&crid=J63MVXQDUYV&sprefix=empty+gelatin+capsuels%2Caps%2C105&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

By the way, Shep is no longer on this site.

Please do not change your dose again. As I've said before you, need to be very consistent with your dosing, and allow your nervous system to stabilize.

I would suggest that you work on non drug coping skills for your anxiety. Hopefully, if you use my method described above, it will help you reduce your fear and anxiety, which is important.

video: Claire Weekes: Managing Anxiety

video: Claire Weekes on Anxiety and Panic

Claire Weekes - Hope and Help for you Nerves Audiobook

Emotional Spirals

Acknowledge Accept Float

Music to Calm Anxiety

Breathing Technique for Anxiety

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...

Audio: First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Female voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

Audio: First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Male voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

Meditation

April 3

Hi @getofflex, reading your message last night was a relief you wouldn’t imagine. I’m so thankful, it meant a lot to me to be aknowledged. It helped me get out of a fear paralysis.

Just yesterday my psychologist demanded I went to a clinic, I got interviewed by a doctor and almost got admitted. Telling about the scales and how I’m sensitive to meds is being seen as a symptom of a disorder. I’m indeed scared and obsessed about this issue, but with a reason. I feel on my own , and the anxiety and angst of going through this and noticing it getting worse is making me unable to cope.

I will read the links you provided about grinding powder, I still didn’t understand all of it. Does it mean I can get 14.5mg exactly, out of any pill? This will solve many of my problems.

My psychologist and my wife demanded I see my doctor tomorrow. They see the angst I’m at, and how I’m filled with fear at this point. He will probably want me to compound my doses with the lab that works for the clinic. Can the compounding be really precise? I suppose it could be too risky?

And finally, i’m sorry to ask you so many questions, but maybe you could have an advise here: 10 days ago I started to split my 2 daily dosages in 4. I had a bad reaction when I decided to use the average method again and I started split the 2 doses I made on the scale, but I do it without measuring. I then spread them 2 /3 hours apart. The first dose for instance, I take half at 2 PM , half at 4 PM. This one is not that bad.

The second dose became a mess though and I’m taking half at 00:00 and half at 04 AM. I use the alarm clock to wake me.
Not measuring them is bad and this schedule is making me much more anxious. Originally I would take this night dose at 8 PM. Once again I acted out of fear and got caught in a worse situation .

Thanks so much @getofflex

April 4

Updates :

- I’m now making 4 daily doses and will be taking them closer together until I’m taking only 2 doses again

- I won’t be using a compounding pharmacy

Most importantly there’s been a small intervention on myself since I got very aggitated on monday and ended up in a clinic. I’m being pressured to take 0.125mg of zyprexa before bed and I don’t want to do it, I’m terrified of playing russian roullete with my brain , considering the reactions I’ve been having.

My wife, my psychologist and my doctor don’t want to hear again me explaining kindling and the necessity for me to keep my system stable. Mu aggitation is a extreme anxiety reaction or hypomania, that’s it. I honestly didn’t hope for anything very different as soon as I went to the clinic.

April 12

On 4/3/2024 at 1:00 PM, johnjohn82 said:

Telling about the scales and how I’m sensitive to meds is being seen as a symptom of a disorder. I

This is the arrogance of doctors and the health care system. Everything is blamed on the patient.

On 4/3/2024 at 1:00 PM, johnjohn82 said:

I’m indeed scared and obsessed about this issue, but with a reason. I feel on my own , and the anxiety and angst of going through this and noticing it getting worse is making me unable to cope.

This is completely understandable. That is why we are here. It is indeed frightening when we realize that the health care system cannot be trusted.

On 4/3/2024 at 1:00 PM, johnjohn82 said:

Does it mean I can get 14.5mg exactly, out of any pill? This will solve many of my problems.

Yes, with an accurate scale you should be able to get a 14.5 mg dose each and every day. This is important.

On 4/3/2024 at 1:00 PM, johnjohn82 said:

Not measuring them is bad and this schedule is making me much more anxious.

It is imperative that you measure your doses. How else will you know that you are getting a consistent and accurate dose?

On 4/4/2024 at 2:12 PM, johnjohn82 said:

I’m being pressured to take 0.125mg of zyprexa before bed and I don’t want to do it, I’m terrified of playing russian roullete with my brain , considering the reactions I’ve been having.

I don't blame you at all. You have the right to refuse to take Zyprexa, no matter what your wife and doctor say. You are the one who will suffer, not them. Taking Zyprexa would put you at risk of getting even worse.

Please, stop changing how many doses you take each day, and carefully measure all your doses. I believe that it is the inconsistency in your dosing that is the problem. If you would do this, and do it for a while, I think you would improve! Please take your 14.5 mg dose, split into 2 doses, at the same times each and every day.

Also, I strongly suggest you find a way to manage your anxiety, and your obsessiveness with your dosing and measuring, and splitting your doses into 4 doses, etc. You can find ways to do this without drugs. Please go look at those links I gave you on April 2. This will help your doctor and wife to back off, and stop trying to push the drugs on you so much, if they see you calmer and less anxious.

April 12

Hi @getofflex, I was starting to write an update when I saw your notification. It always comes as a lifeboat to me.

My response turned out larger than I intended.

My obsessiveness and technical difficulties are making harder to make my case here.
The gemmini I bought came with a side of the plate stuck , sometimes it doesn’t read anything, sometimes it reads different values depending on where I place the pill.

I bought a semi lab scale , and it’s been hard to get a reading out of it. I’ve spending too much time trying to make these doses, and it’s making me look like a crazy man. I got stable for more than a week now but this part of my behavior is frustrating to me and concerning to everyone else. I’m not being hyper through with these doses , I’m just having a lot of difficulty with this process. I told people that, recorded a video showing how I can’t get a clean reading out of it. The process is just not working and this measurement is extremely important for me.

My kids see me locked in a bathroom for hours a day, and it validates the way the doctor and my family sees my worry about Mgs a symptom. I feel depressed and guilty today.

I also believe I will be fine managing to be steady with the doses, and at the same time feel I can’t do it. I promised my wife that, and now I’m hours a day trying to work with a scale. It’s making me lose credibility with this exact point I’ve been making: I just need to repeat my doses for a long time.

As I apparently can’t make it happen in a normal way, I should take a new med. That’s the point people are making.

@getofflex I’ve been listening claire weeks everynight, some of the videos listed are not avaliable anymore bit some still are.
- my cousin is a chemical engineer even though he doesn’t work with it. He gave me the same suggestion you did with the powder. Is there a post that I can read more about it? I’m in doubt how to overcome the limitations of the scale to get allways the same dose, even if the pills have different weights.

Thank you for your post, it always makes me feel much better. I feel like I’m drowning here alone.

johnjohn82: Lamictal Withdrawal - Kindled- Really need some help

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