Frustrated Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I get really scared too when I read certain things, especially those who are years out and still suffering. It is scary. I am sorry you are upset. We need to also consider those who are much better a year or two off meds. If they are healing than I choose to believe I will too. The body is miraculous and regenerates its skin and other organs over time, over and over again. That said, I am sure the brain has the same ability to regenerate and heal. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Purplestars22 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I believe that we will recover fully but it just takes time and patience. For the healing process to take we just have to make a lifestyle adjustment get more rest, eat healthy, be cautious of triggers( as food or intense excercise) and avoid stress. Don't let it get to you what others have to say it is just their opinion. I believe in the neuro plasticity concept and that gives me tremendous hope. Sending positive vibes.... Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety Failed attempt to stop reinstated 1 year taper skipping doses Celexa free 12/2013 1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only Link to comment
btdt Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Ok there is a certain member on this board that is posting things that are scaring the crap out of me and crushing every little remaining ounce of hope i have left. Ive been suffering for a long time and to hear that my brain is permanently damaged, that i will never be the same. If this is the case then there is no way that i have a chance with my drug history. I know that my last ingested poison was almost 9 months ago, but hell im getting worse, not progressing like i see so many others and i doing everything I can. No meds,supplement except magnesium, ive cut out so much out of my dietand these are things i didnt really eat or drink to begin with. New members really need to be careful on what they post, because there are alot of sick, fragile people on here that need hope not scary theories and rants telling people their basically screwed and theres no hope of returning to normal lives. Maybe im taking some of what i read the wrong way but it scared me either way. i would just hate to think the rest of my life is going to be living like ive been, so what would be the point? Now im freaking out. Hate this!!!!! It will not be living like you have been it will be better... The beginning is bad but it does improve not much for me in the beginning either it took me long to get any windows too.. it went like this 6wk ok 6-7 wk got the flue... wd... had the flu and stayed in bed 3 months 3-6 months mostly in bed small amounts of time outside started eating but not much 6-9 I could drive and get out but I had to hide a lot of what was really going on inside me... still had crying and repetitive thoughts brain zaps but they were not constant like they had been as in every time I moved my eyes I had a brain zap if I drank something hot or cold I had a brain zap... even thinking of it now brings on a bad place inside me I hate even the memory of it... so this had better be helpful to you... it is so ingrained in my mind slips right back to it all.. and I am not going. I had a personal tragedy at 8 months post cold turkey so I can't say how much I was set back it may be important. JD is right new people come here some on drug or in sudden wd and they are just learning... it is hard to watch it when your close in timeline really it is hard to watch not matter what but experience and healing makes it less personal... to go too personal is to recall your own and it suck to remember so we try not too. Your still in the early days as wd goes I would suggest you hit ignore... and try to forget it based on the fact the new people likely don't know what is going on and to learn it here.. the truth would make anyone... lets just call it react... You need to protect yourself in these early days it is of the utmost importance... you need to find and feed and keep your peace ............ It will come ... it will I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Mentor ang Posted January 29, 2015 Mentor Share Posted January 29, 2015 Hello skylarblue, and welcome. Just skimmed through your thread. Hope i can help. I have been off AD now for about nine months. thankyou btdt for sharing your timeliine of healing. It is helping me. t I actually think I am stablilizing a bit. Not such a good day today, but better than a month ago! I feel for you skylarblue, hang in there, it does improve. Gosh, I can not believe how strong you are Skylarblue. I am in awe at your strength of character. Praying for you..... And despite feeling so damn awful, I thank god I got my poor suffering brain back............ I force myself to focus on silly computer games, it helps me, at the moment. Hugs from Australia xx 1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression. Serotonin syndrome, oh yes! seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol. Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly) pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby). 98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout.... Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol, and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg tegretol 400mg. Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.Mid 15 .... 75mg seroquel, 3 x 1800mg SJW 2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW:::: 28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::; 18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump. 23/9 3mg....., 27/9 0mg. Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg............. LIGHTBULB MOMENT, I have MTHFR 2x mutations. CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it. Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Dear Skylarblue, I am also sure that you are not bipolar, that you are just imbalanced from withdrawal of these meds, which causes that there are much negative thoughts than positive. I am also awaiting every day that it is better but I am only 2 months to this so I think most probably it takes longer time. I chose also to think that it goes away, there are a lot of people that went through it and say so. For me it is still a long fight. I hope that with you it already went better. Please take care of yourself and believe that we all think of you and wish you only the best. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Thank you to all who stopped by. I am just so at my wits end, I live everyday exhausted in constant anxiety and fear want to take my life everyday. Afraid to be alone, afraid to leave my house constantly irritable, I've had insomnia now for over 2 years. I'm really starting to lose hope, my symptoms haven't changed. I've tried so many meds since august 2012 and nothing has helped me. I coming up on 9 months off my last med next week and there's been really no change, I see so many more on here who have more extensive drug histories and are doing so much better than me. All I ever took was celexa with a brief stint of lexapro for 10 years nothing was ever added to it in all that time. I can't live like this, crying and freaking out all the time. I try everything to distract to cope, I can't take it anymore. Was never like this ever, even when I had ppd it wasn't to this extreme. Who cries and has chronic anxiety and fear for no good reason everyday for over 2 years straight. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 When I understood it right you took medis for ten years. That is quite a lot of time. Give it still a bit time, sure only if you can handle it. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Yes,10 years, then c/t in November 2011 during my third pregnancy. My crazy symptoms didn't really start until one month after the baby was born, that's when all the different meds were given to me and nothing made a difference. I'm scared that I'm not making any progress, I've never have experienced anything like this in my life. I don't know how to handle it. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 How long was it between you ct-ed and the beginning of the symptoms? 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I started noticing some strange things right after I stopped the celexa, rashes and just not feeling right , headaches, which I hardly ever get headaches but I just thought it was due to the pregnancy. But during the pregnancy I still worked, went out, socialized, slept. Then everything went down hill and I've never been the same. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I never have woken up in a panic with fear and terror crying, never had problems sleeping, never had chronic anxiety and panic attacks with agoraphobia. Never had racing thoughts, never had dp/dr. I'm so done with this, so scared I'm Losing my mind. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Skylarblue, I also worry that I am loosing my mind after I went ct from Lyrica. It seems that it is something typical for withdrawal. I do not have so much experience in this, but i have heard that there helps only time. It is scaring for me also, if I could I would move to some empty island and wait there until symptoms dissappear. It is just not possible. I decided not to take any additional medicine. Please try really to meditate or listen to a soothing music, take a time off your children and start painting or to the hairdresser. Anything that feels you closer to yourself. I can say there are many bad things about withdrawal but for me there is also something positive, I start to feel, at one i feel much more energy going through my vains, happiness, and i lost this emotional deadness i had on medicines. They calmed the negative feeling but also positive. And for me there comes also a wave of positive emotions an energy which is quite overwhelming. I have again the feeling I am alive. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
WinningThrough Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Hi SB. You are going to be ok. I've been on this board since march last year and during that time, I've followed threads and seen people gradually getting better. As btdt said, things won't stay like they are now. They will get better, then better again, then better again. Nine months isn't long off the drugs. The beginning stage of withdrawal is particularly bad and that's where you are now. People really do heal. There are people on here who were terrible and are much better now. It feels impossible to keep going but you can and you will. This WILL get better. The only way out is through. Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014 29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever 29 June 2014 - med free Link to comment
btdt Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I never have woken up in a panic with fear and terror crying, never had problems sleeping, never had chronic anxiety and panic attacks with agoraphobia. Never had racing thoughts, never had dp/dr. I'm so done with this, so scared I'm Losing my mind. There was a time when I never had all that either then there was a time I had all that... I hate that anyone has to have it... believe me I hate it... I can't stop these pills from being given I wish I could but I can't I know it feels like your losing your mind lots of days I thought the same some days I think I did lose my mind but somehow I got thru the day... for me hosp and doctors were no longer holding the keys to any of my answers so my choice was to carry on... and I did... and here I am. When your looking for recovery or healing it is a hind sight thing it is all but impossible to see in the beginning it take time to pass to look back and see a change.... sometimes it is a long time. I could see at 9 months off that I was physically a bit better... I could get up walk... I could eat tho not digest much and things still reacted but I was better than the first 3 months... The psych issues took longer the brain zaps took longer... I am so sorry it takes so long I wish it didn't .. trying to get through this time the best way you can is all I can suggest... distraction... meditation if you can... I know it sucks... I don't know any other way. I don't know any other decent choice but to go through it... I know it is daunting I also know it hurts to focus on it as getting dragged down is the worst thing to allow... because small things trip us up it is easy to get down... it is best to avoid anything that will trip you up... I stopped watching the news... stay away from people who pissed me off... avoided stores when they were busy.. I shopped at night wth I was up anyway... I put headphones on to drive in the car as I can't stand ear plugs but could not stand the noise of traffic... The time will pass... there are some things out of your control and few things withing your control my advice is to make the things in your control as conducive to peace as you can... I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Thank you to all who stopped by. I am just so at my wits end, I live everyday exhausted in constant anxiety and fear want to take my life everyday. Afraid to be alone, afraid to leave my house constantly irritable, I've had insomnia now for over 2 years. I'm really starting to lose hope, my symptoms haven't changed. I've tried so many meds since august 2012 and nothing has helped me. I coming up on 9 months off my last med next week and there's been really no change, I see so many more on here who have more extensive drug histories and are doing so much better than me. All I ever took was celexa with a brief stint of lexapro for 10 years nothing was ever added to it in all that time. I can't live like this, crying and freaking out all the time. I try everything to distract to cope, I can't take it anymore. Was never like this ever, even when I had ppd it wasn't to this extreme. Who cries and has chronic anxiety and fear for no good reason everyday for over 2 years straight. It is WD. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Im slipping deeper into despair, i cant sleep, fear,anxiety and crying are all i know now. im scared of everything, i cant take feeling detached from my body and living in a world that doesnt seem real. I question if im schizophrenic, i think im hearing things, like doors closing, or my phone vibrating when it isn't, hearing the shower faucet turn on when it isn't, or thinking im hearing the baby cry when he isnt, or my other two boys are up when theg are really sleeping. My hearing is so sensitive, when i try to go to sleep, every little noise makes me jump and sends me into total panic. I cant be around my kids and husband all i want to do is isolate myself to my bedroom. My mom wants me to plan a birthday party for my middle son next month out somewhere and the very thought of that freakes me out and sends me into a panic. Why???? I can barely leave my house, barely drive, nothing happened to me to cause this fear. This is killing me, i look sickly and aged. Im becoming paranoid, why can't I get just a little better. I try so hard to calm myself, but it doesn't work. Im so sick of feeling like this. Could i really be doing this to myself? I need out of this hell. I cant deal with any of this or life. Now i have to life my life with permanent severe anxiety and horrible debilitating depression. I havent been able to really watch tv or listen to music or do the things i normally did for over 2 years, i struggle just to do everything. I so tired of my mother telling me that depression runs in my family and that the only way she can function is to take meds, that i need to come to the realization that i have bad genes and need medication, that i will never be able to get better without medications. What am i supposed to do? admit myself back into the hospital again and just try every type of med until something works or have ECT? I cant stand watching everyone else living their lives and i can't. I just want to be a loving,caring mother and wife. I keep hearing ill be ok, that it won't always be like this, ive done everything I can to support recovery but nothing helps. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Frustrated Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I am so genuinely sorry that you are suffering so much. I wish I could offer words to help but I don't have any. I have three kids at home to care for as well and I understand how very difficult it is. I have some mental withdrawal but I seem to suffer mostly physically. I am in pain EVERY day and still have to manage the house and kids and appointments etc as I do not have a partner to help me, so I do get it. I live in fear every day and find it very hard to manage. I will keep you in my prayers and hope God blesses you with some healing soon. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Im slipping deeper into despair, i cant sleep, fear,anxiety and crying are all i know now. im scared of everything, i cant take feeling detached from my body and living in a world that doesnt seem real. I question if im schizophrenic, i think im hearing things, like doors closing, or my phone vibrating when it isn't, hearing the shower faucet turn on when it isn't, or thinking im hearing the baby cry when he isnt, or my other two boys are up when theg are really sleeping. My hearing is so sensitive, when i try to go to sleep, every little noise makes me jump and sends me into total panic. I cant be around my kids and husband all i want to do is isolate myself to my bedroom. My mom wants me to plan a birthday party for my middle son next month out somewhere and the very thought of that freakes me out and sends me into a panic. Why???? I can barely leave my house, barely drive, nothing happened to me to cause this fear. This is killing me, i look sickly and aged. Im becoming paranoid, why can't I get just a little better. I try so hard to calm myself, but it doesn't work. Im so sick of feeling like this. Could i really be doing this to myself? I need out of this hell. I cant deal with any of this or life. Now i have to life my life with permanent severe anxiety and horrible debilitating depression. I havent been able to really watch tv or listen to music or do the things i normally did for over 2 years, i struggle just to do everything. I so tired of my mother telling me that depression runs in my family and that the only way she can function is to take meds, that i need to come to the realization that i have bad genes and need medication, that i will never be able to get better without medications. What am i supposed to do? admit myself back into the hospital again and just try every type of med until something works or have ECT? I cant stand watching everyone else living their lives and i can't. I just want to be a loving,caring mother and wife. I keep hearing ill be ok, that it won't always be like this, ive done everything I can to support recovery but nothing helps.[/quote ] Time. It is the only healer. The more you push the process. The worse it gets. Im so sorry you are suffering. Praying for you Skyler. Xox 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Lookingforhope55 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I don't know you, but just don't give up hope. Theres gotta be better days ahead. Just don't give up. That's all I got right now. Link to comment
btdt Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I have had that same thing where I think people are awake and they are not I and a lot of other people at the topix effexor withdrawal site also seen things moving we could never quite say what they were it was always out of the corner of the eye and it is common to Effexor at least to some of us. I was quite surprised to hear the first person speak of it as I thought it was just me as nobody else had mentioned it anywhere I had been previously ... I too did not want to say it out loud as I feared another label... but you know what it was withdrawal. It never happens now not ever. For a long time before I had an notion there was any such thing as a wave I would know I was getting worse when I would see a lot of things moving that were not there. Another thing that would clue me in is I would talk out loud to msyelf... when that happens I know I am hitting a bad spot. It is time to get the things together that calm me. By accident I learned that word puzzles where you circle the words helps.. if I have to be in a waiting room or on a long ride. A friend of mine had one and I picked it up and started to find the words.. it was accidental but another tool to put in my kit. Now it sits ready for any apt I may have. Before all this I had a mind that was creating lists and planning things while I waited at apts... but I can't do that sort of thought process much and don't have anything to plan as I have no life really not like before. I would have thought a book like that silly and never have looked at it. Now it is a tool I know it does not seem like a fair thing to have happen to a person to a life because it isn't... no two ways about it.. this is unjust. I had a lot of physical and psych issues both at the same time. At 9 months I was just finding my first support site and trying to figure out what was going on... till then I thought I was crazy and dying. I really did. I wasn't though I was in withdrawal. Some how you made it this far Sky and that is how I know you are very strong and resourceful too or you would not have made it his long. I know there are moments where we all feel we can't go one more step and we don't want to keep doing this .... that too is common. I get the bday party planning thing too.. I wonder what you child would want.. if it were to have a party out without you or one at home with you.. if your mother is into an out party let her do it.. and have your own home party ... there are ways around most things... if we really look. As for your mother and the things she says.. how would she know what the doctors did to previous family members of yours to make them crazy... we never know do we... try to take it with a grain of salt and if she is bugging you lessen your time with her. I am still hoping this will let up soon.. one foot in front of the other is the way to do this. I know that is not much but it is the best I have . I wish you peace. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted February 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 2, 2015 I hear what you are saying and have felt the same way and thought similar things. The feelings are real, the symptoms are real, the thoughts are not. There's nothing we can do to speed up recovery or make the symptoms go away faster, but we can re frame our thoughts, so that we are not making things worse than they have to be. Are you schizophrenic?.... no. You are in withdrawal with a sensitized nervous system. In time, your nervous system will settle down and behave more normally. i think im hearing things, like doors closing, or my phone vibrating when it isn't, hearing the shower faucet turn on when it isn't, or thinking im hearing the baby cry when he isnt, or my other two boys are up when theg are really sleeping. My hearing is so sensitive, when i try to go to sleep, every little noise makes me jump and sends me into total panic. Yes, this is associated with nervous system hyper-sensitivity. I had this happening to me when I was in acute and at times when I've been in a wave. I found that using ear plugs helped with this. You might not want to do this because you want to be able to hear your baby, but I found that even with ear plugs in, I was still able to hear loud sounds, it just stopped every little sound from waking me up. My mom wants me to plan a birthday party for my middle son next month out somewhere and the very thought of that freakes me out and sends me into a panic. Why???? Because you are not well, you are sick, you have an iatrogenic illness which is preventing you from functioning the way you normally do. You will recover, but right now, you are not capable of doing the things you used to do. The fact that your family is not recognizing this is making it so much harder for you. If you had broken your leg in an accident, they wouldn't expect you to be walking around. This is no different. I'm sorry your family isn't supporting you, but that doesn't make this any less real. You may not be capable of doing what your mom wants, perhaps she could plan the party this year. I can barely leave my house, barely drive, nothing happened to me to cause this fear. Something happened. Your nervous system became destabilized from withdrawal and too many drug trials. This is causing it to behave erratically and send fear signals when there is nothing to be afraid of. I was the same, but I'm getting better. You will too. why can't I get just a little better. You are getting better. Every drug free day is one more day that your brain and nervous system has been working hard to re balance. It may take a bit more time before you start to notice the results of all the hard work your body has been doing, but one day, you will notice that something has improved and you will have your evidence that recovery is happening. Until then, you need to trust those of us who have been where you are and have started to see some recovery. I try so hard to calm myself, but it doesn't work. Im so sick of feeling like this. Yes, I know how this is. It doesn't work, when our body is in chemically induced fight/flight, nothing works and it almost feels cruel when people keep talking about methods to help us calm down. For me when it was bad like this, the best I could do was accept that I wasn't calm and just keep breathing. Could i really be doing this to myself? No, and even if you could, why would you? Now i have to life my life with permanent severe anxiety and horrible debilitating depression. No, you wont be in this extreme state permanently, you will get better. Any normal anxiety or feelings of sadness/grief and other normal human emotions which you experienced before drugs will still be there, and if after going through withdrawal and recovering, they still bother you, perhaps you could try some counseling. But I have read that going through withdrawal and recovering is like an intense course in managing anxiety and 'depression' it can set you up with some powerful tools for dealing with the rest of your life. I so tired of my mother telling me that depression runs in my family and that the only way she can function is to take meds, that i need to come to the realization that i have bad genes and need medication, that i will never be able to get better without medications. I can imagine it would be hard hearing this when you know its not true. I'm sure your mom believes this is true and is trying to help. Perhaps when you recover and are living well without drugs, you will be able to help her see the truth. I cant stand watching everyone else living their lives and i can't. I just want to be a loving,caring mother and wife. This is difficult for me too. Watching everyone else carrying on with their lives, doing the things we used to be able to do. As each day goes by, its like we are getting left further and further behind. But this is a temporary condition and one day we will have the excitement of being able to rejoin the world and catch up with everything we've been missing out on. Some people have the kind of illness that you don't recover from, we may not get much support or recognition, but we will recover. I keep hearing ill be ok, that it won't always be like this, ive done everything I can to support recovery but nothing helps. You keep hearing that because its true. Doing things to support recovery doesn't mean that anything we are doing is 'causing' recovery to happen. Recovery is going on all the time in the background as time passes. Time is what allows the nervous system to heal and it does it at its own pace. All we can do, are things which help us to manage and deal with our symptoms while we are in the recovery process. And of course we need to do the things to keep our body alive and healthy so that it has enough energy to carry out the repair work. As JDM wrote above: Time is the healer. Time is what is helping us, so we may as well get used to it, invite it in and make friends. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Thank you to all who have stopped by my thread. I feel the need to tell some more about me, I don't know if it will make a difference or not but here it goes. I think that I've had to some degree some sort of anxiety, but not to the extreme that I've been experiencing. I can remember getting nervous in high school when I had to give a speech in one of my classes, shaking just wanting it to be over. But when it was over it was over and I felt such relief it didn't destroy me. Also nervous before I had any type of surgery but again when it was over it was over and I went on with life. I was picked on alot growing up, i guess I was different, I always felt that I was different. I had problems in school with math and reading, I think I probably had undiagnosed ADD at the time, given that both my older boys have it. I was sort of an emotional child, but I didn't have the greatest childhood, my mom had me young and my dad wasn't really present. She has been divorced twice and married 3 times. Her second husband was very abusive towards me. My mom wasn't emotionally available as well,could never go to her with problems, she would just brush me off saying I making a big deal out of nothing, that I was acting like Sandra Burnhart, even to this day that is a problem and it rips me apart. In 1994 in my senior year of high school the boyfriend I was dating raped me, thought i was pregnant and this was a few weeks before my senior prom. Luckily no pregnancy, i stuck with the boyfriend until prom, then he starting sleeping with one of my friends and I became a total mess. My mom knew there was something wrong and took me to a Psch and I was placed on 10mgs of Prozac for a few months. Now I never told my mother about the rape because she never would believe me anyway. The only person that knew at the time was the doctor, no therapy just meds. I recovered and just stop taking the prozac and had no issues stopping. I continued with life, met another guy, we dated for a few years, it was going no where and we broke it off. Stayed single for a while then met my husband in October 1997. Our relationship was good, for the first 2 1/2 years we didn't fight, we got into disagreements but we talked them through, he was the only other person that I told about the rape. Things changed in late 1999, he got a DUI and just was nasty to everyone. I never judged him, even helped get him back and forth to work. In September of 2000 we moved in together, and our relationship changed. In the Spring of 2001 he said that I was tired and moody all the time and I noticed I was gaining weight. Now I've always have struggled with my weight and chronic fatigue. So off to my GP I went with him and that's when I was given a script for 10 mgs of celexa. I now look back and noticed that my personality changed a little after starting the med, but never put two and two together. I remained on that dose even when I found out I was pregnant in 2004 and remained on during my pregnancy. When my first son was born, I remember going in the day for my scheduled induction and delivery and I was a nervous wreck, I was having dry heaves, diarrhea. i didn't know it was anxiety, duh! My delivery turned into an emergency c-section and my son was delivered he wasn't crying, he was having lung issues, so i started to panic and all I remember one minute i was crying worrried about my baby the next minute i was a sedated mess. I don't even remember being wheeled by the NICU to look at my baby through the glass, there's pictures but have no recall of it. I had no contact with my son for the first 24 hours after he was delivered. I had complications after my c-section, but luckily they resolved. I tried nursing but it wasn't going well, but I kept trying, he was given bottles before I had a chance to nurse him so that put a wrench in the process. I was having weeping spells here and there during my 4 days in the hospital. Having to visit my son on the NICU attached to a bunch of wires and machines was upsetting. The day before my discharged a nurse came and told me and my husband in front of a bunch of family members that I probably wouldn't be going home with my baby. That just caused chaos, I was a mess, my husband was telling me he would be alright and I was over reacting, my mother in law had to put her 2 cents in, then my mom and aunt got involved. I prayed hard that his chest x-ray would be clear and i could bring my son home. My prayers were answered and he came home and it happened to be mother's day. I don't know what happened was it lack of sleep, stress, but the first night home I didn;t want my husband touching him, the baby wouldn't stop crying and he wouldn't nurse and my husband wanted to take him I guess to give me a break. I gave up nursing and just started bottles, but i think the not being successful with the nursing bothered me.Then a month after his birth i lost it, became very anxious, crying, couldn't deal with the baby crying and lack of sleep felt like I had too many things to do and wanted nothing to do with my baby, afraid to be alone. I was still taking the 10 mgs of Celexa. I tried to get out of the house,go for walks, do things to make me feel better, nothing worked .My in laws weren't supportive, told me to snap out of it. So I ended up seeing a psych and he put me on Lexapro 20 mgs gave me Klonopin and lunesta to take. I didn't take the Klonopin, and took the Lunesta once,didn't like the way it made me feel the next day. I ended up going to my parents in Connecticuit for a while and that caused problems with my in-laws. They told my husband I was crazy, that I was kidnapping the baby, that i was never coming back, that he needed to get a lawyer. That put a strain on my marriage,I went back and forth to my parents and the psych doctor wanted to put me on Seroquil, because he wasn't sure if I was bipolar or not even though we discussed that and he seemed to think I didn't fit that. Tried on dose of 2.5 mgs of Seroquil and i almost feel down the stairs while holding my son. No more after that and just stuck with the Lexapro. By the time my son was 10 weeks old i went back to work and again resumed life. Now I do recall the Lexapro making me feel a little over caffinated but it didn't affect my sleep, i was happy and functioning. Stayed on for about 6-7 months, couldn;t afford the cost of the psych dr or the cost of the monthly script, so saw my GP explained my situation and was switch back to Celexa but this time he wanted to put me on 40mgs and i said no and ended up on 20mgs. Remained on that does until I got pregnant in June 2007, backed down to 10mgs remained on during pregnacy. I didn't have the same issues after this pregnancy except for some weepyness the first day home, but i was just utterly exhausted. This time around I had 3 weeks of soild support and help and returned to work 4 weeks after delivery. But I just couldn't lose weight with exercise and diet,cold all the time, nails peeling, having hormonal problems again went to my GP and he wanted to throw me on abilify, luckily I said no and demanded some test be run and that's when my thyroid came back low normal I was referred to an Endo had some tests and ultrasound of my thyroid, came back with low thyroid with a thyroid goiter with a nodule. Was told everything was normal just exercise more and see a nutritionist, which I did and still continued with the same issues Continued to have blood tests that showed low thyroid function.Some where down the line ended back on birth control pills on/off and the celexa was upped back to 20 mgs, dont recall why and remained on until my c/t in November 2011 during my third pregnacy. So sorry for the long story, Im sure I've left some things out, I just wonder if I am bipolar, or have thyroid/hormonal problems that have never been addressed properly or i have had anxiety issues for a long time from past childhood and other issues and now I have kids of my own i don't know how to deal with the stress. Im sure withdrawal is playing into this, but i wonder what my postpartum periods would have been like if i was never on drugs to begin with. I've been in therapy for over 2 years now and I feel that it's not made a difference. Oh and by the way i finally after 20 years I told my mother about the rape and i got not one ounce of emotion from her about it, she just didn't know what to say. I really need to know what's wrong with me, I need to find a therapist that can put the pieces together and help me mend wounds and help me with the anxiety, help me to build coping skills and help me to learn new ways of thinking instead of throwing books at me and letting me figure it out on my own. I know my triggers, my mom, husband and kids and my in laws and probably more. I have so many issues how can i hope to recover, I can't avoid my family. I want to be happy, feel love for my kids, not want to run away form them and resent them. Bottom line I don't want to live my life on meds and they really didn't help, maybe for a little while. I want to be the person I was before drugs, yes with some damage but I still felt happiness, joy, love, anger, sadness all the normal human emotions. I'm scared that I will not know what it's like to live again and enjoy life. Thanks to anyone who reads this, I hope this long ramble has made sense. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
btdt Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I am impressed you were able to keep it together while writing about all those events many of them traumatic... congratulations on that accomplishment. It proves to me you have some resources to back you up ... these abilities may come and go but to have them is a great bonus even if they are hit and miss. Let me say you have been through a lot in life and a lot of drugs....both affect us and I wonder too if we would be better able to heal from trauma if the drugs were not added to the mix upsetting the natural order of grief and healing. I truly believe that in most cases we would be better off to keep the drugs out of the equation. Too late for that for any of us I know. I will attempt to answer you questions as best I can. I had postpartum issues I was not medicated and it passed... I can't say much more about it... my mother came and supported me through that ordeal. She had 8 kids and old wisdom ... rest was a big deal to her and she made me go to bed more than once. I can't think of much else she did.. to help with the situation... took over the baby... fed me decent food and put me to bed. If I were to help somebody with postpartum that would be what I would do as it is all I know. Thyroid I had the nodule issue too it showed up on xray and the numbers were off a few different times. I had a test called nuclear iodine ... I will find it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radioactive_iodine_uptake_test I was told my thyroid was fine though there was a nodule on the ultrasound of my thyroid. This test said it was ok... it is a two day test... go back in 24 hours for a reading... when I went back after 24 hrs the machine was broken ... I slept in the chair in the waiting room for a few hours waiting for them to fix it... so I was at least 2 hours late on the second reading... not sure it makes any difference ...whatever the effect of what they gave me I could not make conversation about it as i could not stay awake or verbalize much. End of story they said it was ok. Maybe you could have this test I don't know. I see a lot of people have issue with the thyroid and I know one of the people most experienced with this is Norxforme if she is posting I can't say. If your bipolar I am bipolar... i don't believe you are and I know I am not... I have had every single thing you have it is the drugs. As for life events some are lucky it seems when we are on the outside looking in.. but I know a lot of people and been in a lot groups of people trying to work on issue for 18 years and I know we all have crap we need to work out.. problem is we can't figure stuff out when we are thinking the drug affects are our issue... it is stupid yet I wasted years doing exactly that.. what bs... Life is messy... I don't think you were born anymore inately damaged than anyone else as for the brothers.. add likely more crap... I know I am a non believer in labels and pills to treat them... I have a few family members who they tied to put that label on... it did not stick as the parents laughed at the teacher and said yep he is going to make you earn you pay... I don't know how far that would fly now days but it worked once......... years ago. You are a human.. like all humans there are going to be life issues... you want to love your family and stay with them that is good to know... while dealing with the fallout of these drugs you are tested and have been tested... there are some things that are beyond your control especially early on... it gets better in time. The best idea is to take control where you can with the things you can control... " I'm scared that I will not know what it's like to live again and enjoy life" more proof.. your human and normal ... a normal person going through an abnormal situation... There is not a person on this site who has not been scared they were not going to heal... we have all been there. I don't know that everyone heals completely but I am not willing to give up either so till I die I will keep an open mind on how much healing a human can accomplish. I hope that has helped some.. I am sure others will come and add a word. Tho You don't know it you are getting there.. you are! I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus mammaP Posted February 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 2, 2015 Thank you for sharing your experiences with us SB, it must have brought up a lot of emotions for you when you were writing. You were raped and given drugs when what you needed was support, it is incredible that doctors don't know that support is the most important thing they can offer. I remember when I was with an abusive husband. I was shaking with fear when he was due home and my neighbour called the doctor. He came to the house and gave me valium, which did help the fear at that moment but no support whatsoever after that, just more prescriptions! Do you have access to therapy? You might benefit from CBT which can help you get the confidence to take control of situations instead of being controlled by other people. Talking therapy is good too, many times talking something through can help you makes sense of things. You'be been through such a lot and must be an incredibly strong person to get through it all. Withdrawal after all those years and having a baby while going through it must have been hard but you did it and are here telling us your story. Things will get better for you, with the right help you will be able to move on from all the bad things that happened, be drug free and enjoy your life and family. **I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge. Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem) 1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat 2002 effexor. Tapered March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads. Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013 Restarted taper Nov 2013 OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015 Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014 Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg July 2017 30mg. May 15 2018 25mg Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33 Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible Link to comment
btdt Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 How are you Sky? peace to you WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted February 7, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 7, 2015 Thank you for sharing more of your story Skylar. You've had a difficult life, from very early on it sounds like. I'm glad you were able to write about some of the painful things you have been through, often the act of expressing something or sharing it in a supportive place can be healing. Sometimes we just need to be heard and validated rather than wanting a solution or having someone else fix things. I've been in therapy for over 2 years now and I feel that it's not made a difference. Oh and by the way i finally after 20 years I told my mother about the rape and i got not one ounce of emotion from her about it, she just didn't know what to say. I really need to know what's wrong with me, I need to find a therapist that can put the pieces together and help me mend wounds and help me with the anxiety, help me to build coping skills and help me to learn new ways of thinking instead of throwing books at me and letting me figure it out on my own. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but there were a lot of things wrong with the environment you grew up in, you didn't have the love and support you needed. Its normal for a child to be anxious about having to give a speech in front of the class, its normal to be anxious about having surgery. In a perfect world, every child would get the support they need to grow up to be confident, happy, emotionally healthy. But this world we all live in is far from perfect. We don't get to choose the circumstances we are born into or the events that happen to us. Our society likes to tell us that we are all equal, that we have equal opportunities that its our own responsibility to make our lives successful, and if we fail, its our own fault. But that's not the truth. I relate to a lot of what you wrote, especially the lack of support when going through traumatic times, right down to the lack of emotion from my parents when I've told them about traumatic events. One of my parents has a 'blame the victim' belief system, and it doesn't change when it comes to their children. If something bad happens to someone, then somehow it has to be their fault, they did something wrong. I also had a lot of therapy while medicated, and none of it helped in any significant way, not at the time because I was a mess, my life was a mess, my relationships were a mess, my situation and life wasn't working on any level. Every choice or decision I made, was like another dysfunctional layer going over the top of a previous dysfunctional one. I basically needed to strip myself and my life down to its core and start again and I needed help, more help than one person could provide. I'm not saying that's what you need to do, just that sometimes that kind of drastic overhaul is needed before any real change can happen. What kind of therapy have you been having? Whatever it is, I would say its the wrong kind. But I don't know if even the right kind would be very helpful to a person living in and surrounded by a harmful environment, struggling with drug withdrawal. How much energy do you have for the emotionally challenging work needed for transforming a life. Sometimes its just not possible to fix all the problems, not now, not today, maybe not this year. I agree with what you wrote about what you need....help to fix your life. I think its probably what most of us here needed, many of us from a young age. We needed help with managing our lives, our emotions, our thinking processes, our decisions, we needed loving guidance and to be taught how to thrive in this often harsh world. But instead we got what we got and when things started going wrong, instead of our society admitting that it failed us, and offering genuine help, we got the blame, we were told we are defective and need to be fixed..with drugs, to cure our broken brains....and as most of us here know, in the long run, that just makes everything worse, in one way or another. I understand how hard it is for you right now, you're not getting the help you need and I don't know anything which would make it easier for you, apart from looking for the kind of help you do need. In time, if you hang in there, your physical health will improve, you will have more stamina and strength to deal with the other issues in your life. Perhaps at the moment, all you can expect from a therapist is someone who can support you with getting through withdrawal, someone who recognizes it, will learn about it and work with you to manage it. When you are feeling better, then perhaps take on the other issues in your life. ...and if it helps, keep writing, we may not be able to fix anything, but we can listen and be here for you. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Muddles Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I've read through your post and just wanted to send hugs. Since hitting withdrawal I have had a lot of demons arise from the past - I realise how my relationship with my parents and other family issues really effected me but strange how I didn't see this before medication. In withdrawal I find every bad thing that has happened is always in the fore front of my mind - it just doesn't leave. I guess these issues were tucked away somewhere in my sub conscious before meds...I never really thought about them as a lot of it I didn't want to but now it's like I don't even have that tool anymore...I can't tuck, hide or forget about them because it feels like that part of my brain doesn't work in order for me to do it. Do you get this? It's so strange. Thanks for sharing this though - it takes a lot of courage to write about these things and I am sorry you have had to endure so much. I agree with petunia - finding someone who will help you deal with withdrawal will really help. I am in the process of trying to find someone....very hard though. Take care of yourself. You are very, very, strong and will get through this. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
btdt Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I've read through your post and just wanted to send hugs. Since hitting withdrawal I have had a lot of demons arise from the past - I realise how my relationship with my parents and other family issues really effected me but strange how I didn't see this before medication. In withdrawal I find every bad thing that has happened is always in the fore front of my mind - it just doesn't leave. I guess these issues were tucked away somewhere in my sub conscious before meds...I never really thought about them as a lot of it I didn't want to but now it's like I don't even have that tool anymore...I can't tuck, hide or forget about them because it feels like that part of my brain doesn't work in order for me to do it. Do you get this? It's so strange. Thanks for sharing this though - it takes a lot of courage to write about these things and I am sorry you have had to endure so much. I agree with petunia - finding someone who will help you deal with withdrawal will really help. I am in the process of trying to find someone....very hard though. Take care of yourself. You are very, very, strong and will get through this. Muddles this is so true... I just wrote something to this effect either on the site or in a pm... can't recall. "In withdrawal I find every bad thing that has happened is always in the fore front of my mind - it just doesn't leave. I guess these issues were tucked away somewhere in my sub conscious before meds...I never really thought about them as a lot of it I didn't want to but now it's like I don't even have that tool anymore...I can't tuck, hide or forget about them because it feels like that part of my brain doesn't work in order for me to do it. Do you get this? It's so strange" NOT STRANGE!!!! It is how it goes. We lose that bit of the brain that does the packing. Long ago I recall telling a threapist it was like things were floating all around me bit of scraps of bad memories and paper and string that had the tied were all floating by I could not collect them and sort them and I could not control it. Till that point I had been very good at keeping my **** together the drugs cause a break down in that system... along with the negativity ....BOTH in my opinion are the chemical soup being messed with by drugs. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
btdt Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 This is where I talked about the loss of some brain function.. first noticed when I was on drugs... "I would have these vague ideas when I was on it that I needed to think through something... like last thing at night when I closed my eyes I use to go over my day and plan my future at such times but once I was on E... I would get a clue something was wrong and try to sort it but I could not think... cognition was lost... vision of myself was just gone. I could see nothing. So I guess I just went to sleep... weird I know. " http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8136-effexor-goes-recreational/ In wd it is still there but feel more like you stated above loss of ability to contain things. I am not sure if paying attention to them is the way to go if you can avoid or escape it.. as I really think it is all brain chemistry that will reset.. all that said I could not avoid or escape and wonder if I could have even if I knew why it was happening. .... it is all past and much of it that felt devastating to me in wd feels like nothing now or less than nothing... really... less than nothing and I agonized over it cause of my brain chemistry...being messed up by drugs... such crap. Most things came down to that only some others I did some work on. but most of it was crap... my sister took and hid a doll on me when we were 6-7 years old for example: that had me bent out of shape for a long time... who cares now ...not me! but at the time it was a big deal everything was a big deal. There should be a catagory and a name for such things for this state of being... to the Mods is there one already? WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
btdt Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 In wd my sister hiding the doll translated to: she always hated me.. wanted to harm me..never really loved me..was a bad sister.. still was that way. Likely more that I forgot. In reality she was a kid we both wanted that doll as she had eyes the exact same color as our mothers eyes and we fought over it all the time. In reality I could not ask for a better sister in real life she is as good as they come. Now I see this...then I was almost hating her and had her painted as a villan in the past and present so much so I would not answer when she called if she came I was short and paranoid around her. Now I see this as ridiculous... I am not sure of our ages we may have been 5-6 who gets condemned for life for hiding a doll when your 6-7 years old. This is the sort of thing that was going on in my head not all of them were this clear post negativity but it is a good example I use to hold other ridiculous thoughts up against. And to remind myself I get like this and it will pass in time. peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Muddles Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Wow btdt - I totally get this!! It's madness!! These drugs certainly mess with a lot! So bizarre how we all relate to each other. Normal folk just have no idea, thank God for this forum! SB - take note...we're not crazy! We're all in withdrawal and it will get better. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
btdt Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I know that is what makes me believe the brain chemistry theory even more when people in withdrawal all have the same thing going on sooner or later people are gong to clue in. peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 Hi everyone, I haven't posted in a while because nothing really has changed for me. Last weekend I slept for about 6-7 hours, then my sleep went back to crazy and irratic again. Had an ok day on Monday, but then thrown back into hell. I've been having bone, muscle and joint pain on and off that became so bad yesterday that I had to break down and take ibuprofen, didn't help. Ended up in bed all day. I'm 9 months off Lexapro and almost 25 months off benzos. It's been 3 years and 3 months since my c/t off 10 years of celexa. I appreciate all that have stopped by, like I said I haven't posted because of no improvement and fear. I come on here and cry every time I read stories or replys on my thread. I'm so discouraged and feel like I will never heal. So sick of being sick and acting crazy. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Frustrated Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Sorry you are suffering. I deal with bone and muscle pain almost everyday. I sometimes want to cut my legs off! I am sorry you are dealing with that because it is truly awful. I am 7 and a half months off Paxil. I will keep you in my prayers. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
btdt Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 "So sick of being sick and acting crazy." I will bet dollars to donuts every person on this site would say the same thing. I have had a run on sickness but I don't know that it is related to wd... I do know that when I am sick I am much more apt to be crazy. When you slept the 6-7 hours was that before or after the anti inflammatory? I am just wondering if there is a connection. At some point in wd I woke every morning with severe brain fog and a head ache. I cannot recall when now and my online history is gone.. I don't have what it takes to go thru confusing paper journals .( when I try I am triggered to much by what I wrote cause the real hell is in the paper journals stuff I censored to there keeping online stuff lighter) I would take an ibuprofen every morning 250mg of advil to be exact and not other brand would do for me. I would have it with coffee... now that is a hint that this time line is after the second year as I could not drink coffee till after the second year. I would have my coffee and advil at the beach I still had a car then and would sit there in my dark sunglasses waiting to feel half human. I could not stand to be around people and used my car... my escape pod to get away. I know you are having trouble leaving your house I had that after prozac ...for a long time. I no longer had a house of my own by the time I had effexor wd so my only real place of my own was my car. I wonder if I had my own place if I would have had a return of agoraphobia. I did spend and extreme amount of time in my room early on but noise and smells from others in the house drove me out a lot too. I know your in a rough place still everything I see here again is wd.. and I hear there is a large body of evidence that most people heal. I am waiting to get a link to it if it comes I will share it with you. With or without it I am expecting some changes for the better in this coming year... and one night of 6-7 hours sleep is a good sign. I am not saying you should take an anti inflammatory either I simply can't say if it is good or bad in the long run I just knew for me I was not able to stand how things were and it helped so I made the choice. Wishing you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 Anxiety is at an all time high, shaking/tremors ae really bad, cant sleep more than an hour or two. I stopped taking diatomaceous earth about 5 days ago for a parasite issue because i was only to take it for 90 days and then stop. I really thought that i was turning a corner 2 weeks ago when i got two days in a row 6-7 hours sleep, then it all went down hill. I dont know anymore, i keep track of my sleep and mood,etc. And i see certain paterns that go with hormonal fluctuations. Ive been having night sweats now for 25 months, ever since my benzo detox. Some times there mild other nights i drench the bed 3 timee a night. I do have alot of symptoms that could be perimenopause or w/d so i dont know what to think. I did try HRT and it backfired on me. Im so tried of living like this. Im having multiple panic attacks a day, i couldn't even stay at bible study last night. This constant anxiety is killing me, it drives me to wanting to take my life. I dont see anyone with anxiety like i have for as long as me, going on over 2 years now. Im scared, what have i done To myself. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
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